"We're gonna head home man, you comin' with us?" Trip asked, his booming voice interrupting Fitz in his musings. He chuckled when Fitz jumped in surprise, which did nothing to better the Scot's sour mood.
"No I'm gonna stay a little longer I'll take a cab later …" He replied, his voice as neutral as he could muster, but considering how bad he'd always been at hiding his feelings and the look on Trip's face, his irritation must have shown.
"You sure? You look tired …" The tall man insisted and somehow the concerned look in his eyes annoyed Fitz even more than his amusement from a few seconds ago.
"I'm not tired, I'm just pale, I'm Scottish remember?"
"Wow wow … don't bite my head off man!" Trip exclaimed, taking a few steps back like he was actually handling a wild animal. "Maybe you've had enough to drink don't you …"
"Hey why don't you mind your own business? I'm 25, I think I'm old enough to know when to stop drinking and when I want to go home… Why do you want me to come so bad anyway? Need me to keep your girlfriend entertained or something? Is she getting bored with you?"
Once more, Fitz tried to pass it as a joke but his smile was tense and he could immediately feel how aggressive it came out because obviously Trip was right, those last two drinks were definitely too much. Fitz was an honest drunk and it was going to get much harder to keep the bitterness out of his tone and his mouth shut about certain feelings towards a specific person who, fortunately, was already waiting outside the bar. She was obviously much more perceptive than her boyfriend because she'd stopped trying to engage in conversation with Fitz half an hour after he showed up at the bar.
Apparently Trip had decided that their relationship was serious enough to introduce Jemma to their larger circle of friends and if Jemma had agreed to it, it was clear he'd been reading her completely wrong. She was obviously quite invested in her relationship with Trip and whatever she felt for Fitz, friendship or even pity for the fool in love that he was, it clearly wasnt anything romantic. And to make matters worse, everyone in the group loved her immediately, which only served to remind Fitz how wonderful she was. Other than her obvious charm and friendliness, Hunter was over the moon to have another Brit in the group, Bobbi that she was a scientist and Daisy because she was absolutely adorable (a statement Fitz could only agree to) and she burned Hunter about football (actual football, not american, Fitz and Jemma had insisted at the same time in one of their rare moments of connection of the evening.)
So if their relationship was meant to last, Fitz had decided that he should protect his heart. Which meant trying to avoid her as much as he could until maybe he'd forget how amazing she was. He could even meet someone else, finally accept going on another blind date with one of Daisy's friends, anything other than keep spending very good but very confusing and heartbreaking moments with the woman he loved and who was dating his best friend.
"Right ..." Trip let out dryly, the severe look so rarely seen on his friend's face telling Fitz he'd managed to anger him. "Be like that … I don't know what's wrong with you tonight but I don't think another drink is the solution … and don't expect me to help with tomorrow's hangover!" He added, shaking his head in disapproval then walked away after exchanging a few words of goodbye with the rest of the group, leaving Fitz to sulk on his own, looking down into his almost empty pint like it could give him the answer to all his problems.
"What the hell Fitz?!" Daisy cried out as she punched his shoulder the second Trip was out of hearing distance.
"Ouch!" He shrieked both out of surprise and actual pain. Daisy had gotten freakishly strong since she started training with Bobbi and her scary aunt Melinda but the pained look on his face did nothing to appease her and she just barreled on.
"Why are you acting like an asshole? Have you been hanging out with Ward again? Do I need to remind you what he's …" Daisy started but Fitz cut her off, properly horrified at the idea.
"NO! No Daisy, are you crazy? Haven't seen him in years, he might be dead for all I know …"
"Then what?" She insisted, her face showing a little annoyance and anger but also a good amount of worry now. She knew him well after all and knew that it wasn't like him to act like he did all night. He could be grumpy for sure, even snarky but he was never mean without being provoked first. He knew he'd taken the right decision, that in the long term, it would be better for everyone but now Trip and Daisy were half worried, half angry at him and Jemma probably thought he hated her
, based on the confused and pained look on her face the few times he was forced to make eye contact with her. And suddenly, the alcohol always having the tendency to bring all his emotions to the surface, he felt himself tearing up because however bad he was trying to be a good friend, he felt like a really terrible one at the moment and he had no way out.
"Nothing … I just need some air" He finally replied before quickly standing up and walking towards the door, not bothering to grab his coat despite the cold weather, too much in a hurry to escape Daisy and the others before they could see the state he was in. Angrily wiping his eyes as the first tears rolled down his face, he pushed the door to the bar, where he was met by a cloud of smoke, and took a few steps to the side. Fortunately, it was a Friday night and the bar was packed, making it difficult for anyone to find their way out without having to charge like a bull, which meant he had at least a minute to compose himself before Daisy would undoubtedly follow him out and insist on getting explanations.
"Fitz! Come on dude …" Daisy cried out as she passed the door barely a few seconds later. Apparently he'd underestimated her. Getting closer to him, he feared she was going to punch him once more but instead she, quite gently, grabbed one of his arms he didn't realize he'd crossed over his chest and forced him to turn around and look at her.
"I know you're not an asshole so if you're acting like one, it means there's something wrong. I mean Trip even asked me to watch over you and make sure you don't drink too much ... I didn't even know it could be a problem …"
"Of course!" Fitz let out, chuckling humorlessly. "Perfect Trip, acting like a perfect friend with his perfect life and his perfect girlfriend …"
"Yeah about that! Trip said you and Jemma were usually like two nerdy peas in a pod and you've been stone cold to her all night. Is there something wrong with her? Is that why you're so super grumpy?"
"No Daisy, there's nothing wrong with her, she's bloody perfect and that's the problem!"
The words flew out of his mouth before he had the time to think about it and he was grateful for the music and loud giggles coming from the group of smokers in front of the bar or he might have attracted a lot more attention than he wanted to when he literally shouted the words at Daisy's face. Of course, he regretted them the moment he saw the knowing look in Daisy's eyes. He'd been waiting to talk about his situation with someone for a while, and now that Daisy had finally met Jemma, it should have been the right time. Except that now he knew for sure Jemma wasn't interested in him that way, so why bother talking about it?
"Oh Fitz …"
But then the soft sad tone in his friend's voice seemed to break a dam within him and it was like his mouth had a mind of its own.
"Do you know she spent her last birthday volunteering at the food bank and that she had two PHDs before she turned seventeen? And she's a fan of Doctor Who and likes to watch weird animated series with me in the middle of the night and doesn't mind me talking about monkeys for hours and she's just ... she …."
Daisy's arms were around his shoulders before the first sob even had the time to come out of his mouth. Wounding his arms loosely around her waist, he let his head fall on her shoulder, grateful that it was her out of everyone else holding him in this moment. They'd seen each other way worse back when that sordid affair with Ward happened and brought them much closer than they used to be. He also knew that whatever he would tell her, she would never judge him. And if he had no choice now but to come clean about the feelings he'd been hiding for almost two months now, at least she was probably the right person to talk to.
"What I am gonna do Daisy?" He asked a few minutes later, his voice small and ragged but steady, the sobs having finally subsided. The soothing circles she'd been rubbing with her hand on his back having helped bring his heart beat back to something more reasonable.
Daisy gave his hair an affectionate ruffle before gently moving away from him to look him in the eye.
"Do you think she feels the same?" She asked softly and the look in his eyes seemed like enough of an answer because she continued without waiting for an actual word to come out of his mouth. "Did something happen?"
"No!" He cried out. "Of course no!"
"Yeah thought so …" She answered with a small smile. At least it was a small comfort to know his friend didn't think he was the kind of friend who would do that, even though he did think about it a lot. "Doesn't surprise me honestly … I mean that you have feelings for each other … I spent like four hours with her and all the time I kept telling myself how perfect she is for you. She's a lot like you but more … English and cheerful … she'd be good for you, make you less of a grump …"
"Well thanks Daisy for describing my perfect and impossible relationship with Jemma …"
"Oh come on now ... stop being ..."
"No it's probably for the best." He cut her off. "She's too perfect for me and Trip's my best friend, I couldn't do that to him anyway ..."
"Maybe she should have a say in it ..." Daisy countered.
"No I ... I'm probably getting ideas anyway, she wouldn't meet all his friends if she wasn't serious about the relationship ..." Fitz let out in a small voice, too tired to really fight.
"Then just talk to her... and him or both at the same time, I don't know but just do something about it so you know if there's even a chance and before you end up doing something very stupid. Worst case scenario you get to move on, come to my place, drink a lot of beer and then we'll get you a date with one of my friends who can't stop gushing about your supposedly sexy accent! Best case scenario, well ..."
"No Daisy that's crazy!" He replied, rubbing his eyes with the palm of his hands to try and keep the alcohol induced fuzziness at bay. "I'm not gonna go to my best friend's girlfriend, confess my undying love for her and hope for the best ..."
"Crazier than passing on a chance at happiness with the potential love of your life because what? Because Trip called dibs?"
"Urghh!" Fitz groaned as he let his head fall on her shoulder once more. Chuckling fondly, she gave his biceps a gentle squeeze.
"Undying love? That bad hu?" She asked, her voice slightly teasing but soft.
"Yeah ..." He chuckled nervously, his insides twisting in dread but also a tiny bit in excitement at the possibility of actually telling Jemma how he felt. "I guess alcohol makes me a little dramatic but ... yeah ... no use denying it now."
Sighing, Daisy let her head fall on top of his head in what felt like a sympathetic gesture, a way to say "been there done that". After all he knew her romantic life hadn't exactly been simple these past few years.
"Well I don't want to give you false hopes or anything, after all I did only meet her a few hours ago but I really don't think she's into him as much as you think."
"Uh?" Was all he could utter in his tired and slightly drunken state, a tiny hope still rising inside of him against his best instincts.
"She's never the one to initiate physical contact, at first I thought she was just shy or a little prude but after the things she told us, prudishness is definitely out of the question ..." Daisy trailed off with a small grin.
Fitz could still feel himself blushing about the way she described, with plenty of details and examples, the best way to achieve female orgasm. Hunter thought he would embarrass the new comer in the group by bringing up this article he read but of course that was without counting on Jemma's scientific mind who could never be embarrassed about anything that was "a very natural and enjoyable part of human biology". Had he not been too busy trying to block out all the images she put in his mind and that he could associate with the sounds that were already haunting his dreams and fantasies, he would have grabbed a pen and paper and taken notes. But still, he'd been so focused on trying to analyze the way Jemma acted with him that he never stopped to watch how she interacted with Trip. Honestly, most of the time, he tried not to see them interact at all. But now that Daisy mentioned it, he had to admit he didn't remember her going for a hug or a kiss in a long time in his presence. Of course there was that time on her birthday where she cut short a kiss he meant to be much less chaste and there were at least a few more instances since then but ...
"And of course, there's the looks ..." Daisy added.
"What looks? How is she looking at him?"
"Not him, you!"
"Me?"
"Yes of course you! Are you blind?" She let out, rolling her eyes at her friend's obliviousness and he just shrugged. "I don't know what they mean exactly but she's looking at you all the freaking time! The look on her face when you so rudely ignored her every attempt at conversation ... I would have hugged her if I knew her better! But those other looks she threw at you … damnnnn! I mean, can't blame her, who would resist such a pretty face …" Daisy said, punctuating her words by playfully pinching his cheeks. "… but I would bet a lot of money that it's way beyond physical attraction anyway."
"How much money?"
"Like … fifty bucks … at least!"
"Wow, now I'm completely convinced. We'll be sending wedding invitations very shortly!" He retorted sarcastically and she chuckled.
"Hey! I'm really really broke those days you know!" She let out and this time they both chuckled. "But please, will you at least think about talking to her?" She insisted and he sighed in resignation.
"Yes … yes of course I will…"
"Good boy" She teased before opening her arms in invitation and he smiled fondly before engulfing her in the strong kind of bear hugs she always liked so much.
"Thank you Daisy" He half whispered, still feeling very confused but a little less desperate at least.
"You're very welcome Fitz"
"I KNEW IT! I knew there was something going on between you too!"
The loud exclamation came from just a few meters away. Lincoln, Daisy's boyfriend, was looking at them, his hands on his hips and a huge grin on his face.
"Urgh!" They both cried out at the same time.
"Don't even joke about this Lincoln!" Fitz hissed at him with a roll of his eyes.
"Oh … so is this all about Jemma?" The young man asked with a wide hand gesture that seemed to refer to the fact that Fitz and Daisy had been outside for ten minutes and most likely Fitz's whole behavior during the night.
"Oh god …" Fitz sighed, taking his head in his hands. "Does everyone know?"
"Well we all have eyes Fitz … so yeah I guess …" He replied, his teasing grin turning more sympathetic.
The irony was not lost on Fitz that it's when he decided to distance himself from Jemma to avoid making a mess with his best friend that he made his feelings obvious to everyone.
"Come on let's go back inside" Daisy said, looping her arm in his. "Sober you up a bit and get you out of your head for a few hours at least!" She said and he nodded. That was probably best than his own plans of getting even more drunk and spend the next day sleeping. "And then we can talk about this whole "best friend" business when talking about Trip. I mean what am I then?" She added in mock anger but he knew their friendship was very important to her and the last thing he wanted was to make it look like it didn't matter to him.
"How about I make you both officially co-best friends?" He replied and she pretended to think about it.
"Will there be a ceremony?"
"Of course …"
"Okay then … yeah I can live with that" She grinned, pulling him back inside the bar.
And anyway, if he decided to talk to Jemma about his feelings, Daisy might soon be his only best friend.
-0-0-0-
When Fitz finally came home, it was almost three in the morning. Even though he still had one more beer, Daisy decided that she got enough water and soda into him and that he was sober enough to go home on his own. And just like Fitz expected, the place was silent when he got in, Jemma and Trip most likely fast asleep for quite some time.
Toeing off his shoes and socks and shrugging off his coat and cardigan (Trip had apparently decided, again, to crank up the heat and make it feel like they were living on a tropical island), he flopped down on the sofa. It's only then that he realized how tired he was. Wether it was because of the alcohol still coursing his system after all, the tension of the evening or the emotional conversation he's had with Daisy, he felt exhausted and raw. The only thing he wanted was to sleep for ten hours and preferably not see Trip until he was back from his shift some time in the afternoon. He was considering just lying down on the sofa, at least for a few hours until he had the courage to get up, when Trip's door opened.
Fitz sighed heavily. He wasn't ready to have a conversation with his roommate, he wasn't ready to apologize (even though he knew he'd have to) and he wasn't ready to have a lecture on his alcohol consumption and his health in general. I'm not judging you man, I just think it would do you some good to eat more vegetables and exercise a few hours a week bla bla bla bla bla … God, healthy people are the worst, Fitz thought as he considered just pretending to be asleep.
But then it wasn't Trip's voice he heard but Jemma's. Which was possibly even worse because despite the conversation he's had with Daisy, he was still far from ready to face her, especially here, in the middle of the night.
"Fitz?" She asked, her voice still a bit sleepy and he cursed himself for finding it so enticing.
"Yeah, it's just me, not some burglar or something." He said, his own voice not exactly sleepy but quite small and tired. "You can go back to sleep …"
"Oh … okay. Just … just wanted to let you know Trip's not here, got called to cover for a shift when we'd just come home, didn't even have the time to … anyway, Trip said I could sleep here. I'll just text him to let him know you got home alright, he was a little worried and I …"
"Yeah of course he was!" Fitz let out with a humorless chuckle. Apparently his conversation with Daisy hadn't erased the bitterness he felt about having such a perfect friend. If only he was a womanizer or just a tiny bit of an asshole, he'd feel less guilty but no, he was a nice considerate friend who treated the women he dated with respect and honesty.
"Okay well I'll …I'll just go back to bed and I'll wake up early so you won't even see me at breakfast … good night Fitz …"
He couldn't even see her but her voice was enough to tell him how hurt she was. It was even a little shaky and oh god no, he couldn't live with himself if he made her cry by acting like an insensitive asshole. Of course she probably thought he was still mad at her from the way he'd been with her all night and the snappy tone he'd just used. He just wanted to make things easier for everyone but if it hurt her in the process and lost him his chance of them even just remaining friends, clearly it wasn't the solution.
"Jemma wait!" He cried out as he finally stood up from the couch and turned around. For a moment, he was reduced to silence, his breath hitching at the sight of her slightly messy hair, dewey pale skin straight out of a Jane Austen novel and soft eyes still heavy with sleep. She was still wearing his Doctor Who shirt from the other day (when she didnt give it back, he'd thought she just forgot about it, not that she took the conscious decision to sleep in his clothes) and her legs were bare. She looked at the same time so breathtakingly beautiful and vulnerable with this Bambi like confused expression on her face, that he had to fight the urge to take a few steps and just take her in his arms to make her understand. He cared so deeply for her and he never wanted to hurt her by acting like he did, just try to protect his heart and save their confusing friendship from a potential disaster.
"Fitz?" She asked uncertainly. He must have been silent for longer than he thought.
"I'm sorry … » He started at the same time she asked: "Did I do something wrong?"
For a moment they were both silent until Fitz realized she was just waiting for an answer or for him to keep saying what he'd started saying yet somehow it's another thought that made it out of his mouth.
"Why are you with him Jemma? With Trip? You're nothing like anyone he's ever dated and …"
Like anyone else. Period.
"Yeah I … I got that …" She cut him off, taking a few steps towards him, the soft light from the coffee table lamp they kept on as long as one of them hadn't made it home yet, playing hypnotizingly on her thighs as she walked. "My last relationship has been really complicated. Trip is sweet and funny and smart. He treats me well." She added and then she let out a weird kind of chuckle, humorless and almost sad and Fitz's heartbeat quickened for some reason.
"Yeah I'm sure he does …" He started but Jemma cut him off.
"Trip is exactly what I wanted in a relationship when I met him. Something fun and simple, no pressure …" She trailed off, looking up at him pointedly. "Obviously, that whole simple part backfired quite spectacularly." She finally said, taking another step towards him and from where he was he could already smell lavender and that something special that was just hers and there was a new expression on her face, something fierce and resolved that was almost scary in its intensity. His heart started beating even faster and Fitz thought maybe Trip was right and he should exercise more because he didn't want to have a heart attack before Jemma had the time to finish saying what she was trying to tell him at the moment.
"What do you mean? Trip isn't …"
"Fitz!" She stopped him with a hand on his chest, just above his heart. How did she manage to get so close without him noticing. Was she an enchantress? That would have explained a lot if such things existed. "You know exactly what I mean … it's been two months …" She let out in a whisper and only then did he realize she was as breathless as he was. "I'm tired of pretending …"
Her hand lingered on his chest and he knew she could feel how his heart was thumping from the tiny smile it brought to her face.
"Jemma … what are you …"
He wished he could step back or even take his eyes away from hers because it felt like it was his last chance before the stupid thing Daisy thought could happen happened for good.
"Unless I read you completely wrong and then you just need to tell me … Fitz what happened tonight? Why were you like that? Are you really mad at me for some reason or is there … something else? » She asked pleadingly.
"No Jemma! I'm not mad at you I bloody love you and it's killing me!"
And here it was. The very stupid thing.
So sorry for stopping now but I had to stop somewhere and that really felt like the best moment. But I also started proof reading the next chapter already so it should be up really soon ?
Hope you still enjoyed Daisy being captain of the ship once more!