"I'm just a precious little one,

who didn't make it there.

I went straight to be with Jesus,

but I'm waiting for you here.

Many dwelling here where I live,

waited years to enter in.

Struggled through a world of sorrow

a world marred with pain and sin.

Thank you for the life you gave me,

it was brief but don't complain.

I have all Heaven's Glory,

suffered none of earth's great pain.

Thank you for the name you gave me.

I'd have loved to bring it fame.

But if I'd lingered in earth's shadows,

I would have suffered just the same.

So sweet family don't you sorrow.

Wipe those tears and chase the gloom.

I went straight to Jesus' arms,

from my mother's womb." - Author Unknown

Chapter 1: One day at a time: February.

I walked through the door into the untouched nursery with Howard by my side. I immediately felt the same anger and pain I did four months ago.

Howard kindly placed his hand on my shoulder, persuading me in.

I ran my hand up and down the front of the crib that was never used once. I looked at the monthly progression frame that still had the default pictures inside. I caught a glimpse of my son two weeks before he was born.

"Still a looker, aye?" Howard asked, turning from one of the shelves.

I nodded in response. I tried to speak, but I couldn't find it in myself.

I opened the closet door as my heart stopped for a moment. I could feel myself tearing up as I searched through Bentley's newborn clothes that he never got to wear.

After a moment, I couldn't take it anymore. The depressed feeling was eating it's way back through me, as it had done every single day since October. I stormed myself out of the nursery before my emotions got the better of me.

As I stood by the bathroom door, all I could hear were voices in my head. The words flying from one side to another. I could feel my throat get dry as my eyes started to well up.

I started to think as myself as the idiot, hanging on to these emotions for months.

If my mother was around at the time, which of course she wasn't, I wouldn't feel the urge to hold on to the string that kept Bentley on my shoulders, and she would of convinced me to move on the day after.

As I prepared myself to go back into the nursery, I heard the faintest noise coming from behind the bathroom door. I opened it ajar and glimpsed her reflection in the mirror, and I could tell she was scared.

I pushed myself through the door as Penny fell on to me like a rag doll. Her whimpering sounds reminding me of a dog lost in a storm.

"What's going on?" I asked, rubbing her back to comfort her.

She lifted the pregnancy test up from the counter and showed me that it was positive.

I picked it out of her hand as she started trembling. I placed it back down on the counter as I wrapped my arms around her body again.

"I don't want to.. I don't want it to happen again." She stammered, as we were both on the verge of tears.

I didn't answer back. I didn't know what to say. After a stillbirth; What do you say? I could only help, which was said that was what I was best at.

Penny sniffed as I placed my chin on her head. I kept rubbing her back as I zoned away from the world.

2007:

"We're home." I called as both me and Sheldon walked through the apartment door.

"Oh, my God, what happened?" Penny asked, eyeing us both up.

"Well, your ex-boyfriend sends his regards and I think the rest is self-explanatory."

"I'm so sorry. I really thought if you guys went instead of me, he wouldn't be such an ass." She explained, looking guilty.

"No, it was a valid hypothesis."

"That was a valid hypothesis? What is happening to you?" Sheldon asked.

"Really, thank you so much for going and trying, you're so terrific. Why don't you go put some clothes on, I'll get my purse and dinner is on me, okay?" She offered, giving us both a hug.

"Really? Great." I smiled, blushing over her.

"Thank you." Sheldon said, as we both turned and watched Penny enter her apartment. "You're not done with her, are you?" He asked after she was out of ear shot.

"Our babies will be smart and beautiful." I gushed,

"Not to mention imaginary." He slapped back as we both still stood, pantless, at the doorway of our apartment.

"I don't want it to happen again." Penny repeated.

I looked her in the eyes as they glistened in the reflection of the bathroom light.

"And it won't." I promised, hoping it wouldn't get broken, " Cause we're just going to take this day by day until it's all over."

I kissed Penny on her forehead as she wiped away the tears on her cheek.

"One day at a time." I muttered, pulling her towards my chest again.

I woke up the next morning, hoping that it was all just a bad dream. But as I saw the pregnancy test on the counter, I knew it wasn't. Penny was pregnant again, and there wasn't anything I could do but help her through it.

I walked back out into the bedroom and saw Penny still asleep. I pulled over the sheet to cover her open shoulder. I found myself staring at her for a while, thinking about if it was possible that she really did agree to marry me, or this whole thing from when I first met her has been a huge dream.

Before I walked down the stairs, I peered through the nursery door. I glanced up at the last ultrasound picture of him resting on the shelf. I took it down and carefully sat in the chair in the corner of the room, not taking my eyes off the picture.

"Please don't let anything happen to this baby. Just give it a chance on life.. Please." I pleaded, holding the frame up to my chest.

I looked over at Penny, noticing that her leg was jumping frantically up and down. I placed one hand on her arms whilst keeping the other on the wheel in front of me. She turned from looking at the passing scenery and looked deeply at me.

"Everything going to be fine." I reassured, keeping my eye on the quick changing traffic.

I looked in the rear view mirror and saw Sheldon stirring in the backseat.

"Sheldon, why did you come if you're not going to enjoy it?" Penny asked, turning to face the backseat passengers.

"Amy made me." He muttered loudly.

"I didn't make you. I said you had a choice." She insisted as Sheldon scoffed under his breath. "You chose to come."

"You said it would be fun." He complained,

"Stop it! We're in a car, How much more fun does it get?!" Penny yelled as I tried to keep my concentration on the road.

I quickly turned to face Penny, who I could tell was getting red with anger, and then back at Sheldon, who was slowly falling into the seat after being yelled at.

"Leonard! The road!" Penny shouted, pulling my attention back forward.

I saw the fear in Penny's eyes as I pulled the car back into the center of the lane.

"Sorry, I got distracted." I muttered.

"Where are we going?" Sheldon asked, pulling his head through the gap between the front two seats.

"My sister and her kids are coming to visit, so we're picking them up from the airport, and then we're taking them to the zoo." Penny answer as Sheldon sat back in his seat.

"That's what I call fun." He smiled, looking ahead.

I sat at the table next to Isabella, who was too old to enjoy the zoo as she said. I shuffled my feet under the table, bring careful not to knock the unhappy eleven-year-old.

"Penny, can you help over here?... Please." I muttered trying to get a conversation going rather than sitting in the awkward silence.

"So, Isabella, how's school?" She asked, sitting at the table.

"The teachers said my work and concentration has dropped this year. I'm thinking it's something to do with death of grandpa last year." She informed, reminding me about the death of my father-in-law last August. "And maybe Bentley too." She added.

"You just don't seem to stop." I interrupted,

"Oh, I forgot. Sorry." She apologized.

Penny shrugged as I could see Isabella's words stabbed her in the heart.

"Is she talking your ear off?" Sara asked, approaching the table.

"A little to much.." Penny answered back in a high voice.

"Death seems to be the main topic." I sighed, looking to my right, away from getting eye contact.

"Isabella!" Sara gritted, getting to her daughters level.

Sara grabbed her attention and whispered something in her ear. She then stormed off with Ruby right behind her mother's footsteps. Isabella angrily storming off with her too.

"That's why I was anxious about coming here today. Cause Isabella has a tendency to get off topic without thinking it through. She's exactly like my brother, and that's how he ended up in jail." Penny sighed, holding in the tears.

I quickly moved closer to her and placed her head on my shoulder. I calmly rubbed her arm, comforting her.

"You can't worry anymore. This time will be different, I promise." I soothed, as Penny shook her head.

"It won't. It won't." She repeated over and over again.

"Why? Why won't it be any different?" I asked,

"Cause it won't. It never has. We get excited about it, then suddenly, we don't have a baby anymore. How do you know it is going to be different?" She questioned.

I didn't answer. Penny looked at me funny before wiping the stream of tears from the side of her face. I placed my head in my hands, before I found myself crying.

Sheldon walked out from behind the long bush with a giant grin on his face, Amy not that far behind him. He stopped after he noticed me and Penny.

"Sheldon, I know you're happy, but did you have to- What's wrong?" Amy asked, spotting us too.

"It's fine. Isabella just got off topic, that's all." I sniffed, wiping away a tear from my cheek.

Amy sat across from the two of us as Sheldon was still stood by the refreshments stand.

"I'm sorry. If I was there, she would of stopped right away." She insisted. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Penny shook her head in response for both of us as I calmed myself down.

Amy nodded before she stood up and took Sheldon's hand, pulling him away.

"Why don't you tell Ruby about what you did." She suggested, acting like her husband was a four-year-old.

I watched them walk away, following Penny's sister, who wasn't that far ahead of them. I turned to Penny as she wiped the last tear of my face, smiling as she did so.

Placing my notepad on the desk in the centre of the room, I pulled my phone out of my back pocket as the music finished. I paused it before the next one sucked me in.

"Hey, Howard." I hesitated, placing the experimental glasses on the wall.

"How'd you know it was me?" He asked,

"Oh, lucky guess I suppose." I mentioned, turning to face him.

"Dude, my car's busted. Can I hitch a ride with you?" Howard asked, jumping right into why he was there.

"Sure. Sheldon's with me too." I informed.

"Thanks, I owe you one." He smiled.

I packed up the rest of the lab as Howard eagerly waited by the door, tapping his foot ever so slightly.

He walked ahead of me until we got to Sheldon's office. I knocked on the door to have Sheldon shout through to us.

"C'mon, Sheldon!" Howard called,

"I'm coming!" He shouted back.

"Do we have to listen to this music?" Sheldon asked, grunting in the back seat.

Me and Howard didn't answer, we just kept mouthing the words to the various songs that came on the radio.

"I read a study that says drivers that listen to music whilst driving are more than likely to be involved in an accident after being distracted." He informed, as I slowly switched off the radio.

I squinted my eyes ahead of the road as I noticed a car rapidly approaching.

"What side is that car on?" I asked, pointing it out.

"Left." Howard answered instantly as the car quickly got closer.

I carried on driving as my brain was saying it was okay, while my eyes were looking for a place to pull over, just in case.

"Uh, Leonard.." Howard hesitated, "That's on its left."

"That would make it on the right." Sheldon pointed out,

"I know what side it would be on, Sheldon!" I yelled back at him.

The adrenaline filled my fingertips as I let my mind take over the wheel, swerving it to the left, causing the car to break through the bushes.

"Leonard!" The voice repeated, over and over again.

I slowly opened my eyes to see Penny hovering over me.

"Penny?" I asked, my vision still blurry, lifting my head up.

"Oh, thank God you're okay"" She sighed with relief, hugging me tight. "You have now idea how worried I was." She smiled, tearing up.

"What happened?" I asked, the whole event a blurr.

"A guy, Jimmy Speckerman, got into a motorized vehicle intoxicated, driving on the wrong side of the road." The paramedic declared.

"Jimmy Speckerman?" I repeated.

"Yes, that what the police are reporting. Why do you know him?"

"He tortured me in High School." I confessed as the guy was no longer paying attention.

"Uh-huh" He sighed.

I turned to Penny before looking around, my memory slowly reappearing.

"Where are we?" I asked, still lost on it.

"About twenty-minutes from the house. Near Park's Rowe." Penny mentioned. "Howard is doing fine, but Sheldon's still a little shaken up about it."

"Is he okay though?"

"He's fine."

I sighed, looking up at the sky. Penny walked off to Bernadette as I gathered my thoughts.

"This is all my fault." I muttered to myself.