Chapter 22
No More Secrets
Returning to the inn, Link's mind was full of the encounter with Talon. He had clearly decided one thing, though; he would be honest with Malon about where he had been.
It was fully dark as he ghosted along the clear streets to the inn. When he entered their room, she was sat on the edge of her bed. She stood as he pushed the door behind him.
"I was just wondering where you'd gone," she said, smiling.
"Sorry," he muttered. "I didn't mean to make you worry."
"I wasn't worried. I'm sure you're more than capable of looking after yourself. I assumed you'd gone to do some sight seeing."
Link shook his head. "I wouldn't know what sights to see."
"Well, tomorrow I'll show you some of the best places in Loxton." She began to move around the room, tidying things. Link did not move. A minute of two passed before he found his voice.
"I went to see your father."
Malon stopped dead, bent over her folded clothes. Slowly, she straightened and turned to look at him, hurt and confusion evident in her expression.
"I followed you earlier," he continued. "Then I went back after I'd seen you leave."
"Why did you follow me?" Her voice shook, slightly.
"I didn't intend to, I was curious. I didn't know it was something so personal."
"Well, clearly it was," she said, scathingly. "And once you'd seen that, why did you think it was necessary to go back? If I'd wanted you to see my father, I'd have invited you, wouldn't I?"
Link floundered for a response. "I'm sorry. I wanted to understand why he had left the ranch. Why he had left you."
"If that was any of your business, you would already know. And if you wanted to know, you should have had the decency to ask me directly. You never have, not since the first day you came to the ranch, so why now decide to go behind my back and pry into my secrets?" He did not answer. Eventually she continued, her voice shaking with cold fury. "I expected you to have more respect, considering I've never pressed you about the secrets you keep from me. You came from the north and refuse to even hear people mention Ganondorf, but I never ask what personal quarrel you have with him."
That felt like a punch to the gut. Link sagged onto his bed. "I know," he said. "I'm sorry. And I realise that I've told you nothing about myself or what's happened to me."
She shrugged. "It's none of my business. I know that, so I don't press it." The irony was heavy in her tone. "I think everyone has some sort of quarrel with our king," she added quietly, almost to herself. Link flinched to hear her call Ganondorf king.
"What quarrel do you have with him?" he asked, moving the conversation away from Talon.
"These are dark times," she said simply, in the same soft tone. "Life would be a lot easier if things were different to how they are."
Link stared at his hands. "I know how difficult these years must have been for you."
"You know how difficult they've been?" She was incredulous. "You haven't tried to run a ranch when you're fourteen, or had to survive when your father ran away. You haven't had to endure every lecherous idiot passing north-" Her voice broke and she fell silent. Link couldn't answer her accusations.
He moved and sat beside her on her bed, his arm round her. She leaned against him and he could feel her anger dissipating.
"Did Talon need to leave?" he asked eventually.
She snorted, and wiped tears from her face. "No. He said the ranch was suffering because of him. He kept blaming himself. Then he just left."
"Was the ranch really suffering?"
"Yes, but not because of the rumours. We're too close to Castle Town. A lot of places near us just shut down. It's only because we worked so hard to keep the ranch going that we survived. That's the one decent thing Ingo ever did, making sure we carried on."
They were silent for a long time. "So what happens now?" he asked eventually.
"Nothing, I suppose. He won't come back. We'll go back to the ranch tomorrow." She pulled away, punching him playfully. "You'll ask if you want to know anything else about me, rather than just taking it into your own hands!"
He smiled, glad to see her mood lightening. "If- If you think there's any way I can help-"
"There isn't," she interrupted shrugging. "It is what it is." She stood and carried on folding her clothes. Link slipped out, allowing her time to change. When he returned she was already in bed. "Good night, Talamin," was all she said as he slid beneath his own sheets. It was a long while before he was actually able to sleep, though.
They did as she said, and returned to the ranch the following day. Two days passed, and while she was slightly cooler with him than previously, there was nothing to say she had not forgiven him for what had happened in Loxton.
The third day since their return was very mild. Din's Fire shone brightly in a clear sky over the snow covered fields. Link had spent the afternoon working hard with several of the horses and putting them through their paces. He had worked up a sheen of sweat and was panting slightly when he walked away from the paddock.
As twilight crept over the ranch, he walked to one of the outhouses. A bench, cleared of snow, stood beside it and he sat to lean against the wall of the shack, enjoying the last moments of the day. It would soon be too cold to remain outside, but it was pleasant while he recovered from his exertions.
He drew the ocarina Saria had given him from the pouch at his side and began to play, the quiet melody reaching out as the early night fell over the fields. The Ocarina of Time currently lay hidden, as did the Master Sword. Both brought up too much he could not currently bear to think about.
As he played he saw Malon in the distance, returning Epona to the paddock. He had not realised she had been out on the mare.
Hearing the ocarina, she came towards Link after leaving the horse. Seeing her approach, he changed his song and began to play the melody he had so often heard her sing. He could not play it exactly as it was sung, but he had enjoyed learning it. It was the first time he had had the chance to play it to her.
Even in the fading light, he saw her smile when she recognised the tune, and she began to sing in time with him. As she came closer, they both clearly heard Epona whinnying happily.
Malon gave her familiar laugh. "She recognises the song," she said brightly, looking down at Link. He stopped playing and returned her gaze. She looked thoughtful but did not say anything immediately.
After a long pause, she spoke again. "Play me something from the forest."
"What?" Link stuttered, shocked. "I don't know- What do you-" She forestalled his mumblings, turning away and flicking out her red hair.
"I realised who you are the first night you were here, Fairy Boy." The use of her old nickname for him winded him badly.
"Why didn't you say anything?" he asked.
She seated herself beside him, leaning against the wall of the outbuilding. "Everyone has their secrets, especially nowadays. You told me that first day that a great darkness is behind you, and I could see it in your eyes. But I knew I recognised you, and I couldn't help trusting you. It was later that evening when I realised you'd lied about your name and I finally placed you. By then it just seemed easier to let you be my grim faced warrior."
"So why are you telling me now?"
She looked away, gazing across the fields. "Because I want there to be no more secrets between us. I don't expect you to tell me what happened since we first met. I just wanted to trust you."
Somehow she had moved closer to him and lent against his shoulder. He reached an arm around her, a gesture of his own trust. They sat that way for a long time and it was obvious she was thinking about other things. He wondered if she was thinking about Talon, if the things they had said in Loxton were in her mind.
The trust between them had grown, though, and he could not deny it. He agreed that there should not be any secrets, and now he knew she remembered him, it was much easier to tell her the truth.
"Seven years ago, you met me trying to reach Hyrule Castle Town," he began. He felt her stiffen, waiting to hear what he was going to say. He retracted his arm and stood, standing with his back to her so he would not be able to see her expression. "After leaving you in the Stock Pot Inn, I went to find Princess Zelda. That's why I left the forest, my home. I was sent to meet her. She realised then that Ganondorf was plotting against her father, looking to take over Hyrule. She gave me a task in order to stop him."
He breathed heavily, steeling himself against the strength of his memories. "I failed. My failure allowed him to seize power. Everything he has done to Hyrule is because of me."
The silence that fell between them was horrible. Link would rather have faced the gohma again than to endure it.
Eventually, she spoke. "So this is the darkness you run from," she whispered, and it seemed she spoke more to herself than to him when she said, "I suppose now we're equal."
He heard her stand, heard the crunch of the snow beneath her feet. He expected her to walk away from him, to leave him where he was standing as she digested what he had told her.
Instead, she stepped towards him and they stood together. Gently, she took his hand in his, then pulled him back towards the bench. Sitting, she lightly tugged on his arm so that he sat next to her again.
"So what will you do now?"
Link shrugged. "What I have done. Continue here. Stay with you."
"How long are you planning on staying here?" Malon's question surprised him.
"I don't know," he answered, truthfully.
"You know I'm happy for you to stay as long as you need to. Even forever." She looked at him and there was something in her eyes he had never seen before; something between sadness and determination. "But I don't think that's possible. Eventually, you'll have to leave. You're blaming yourself, and I know one day you'll have to answer that."
Link frowned and looked away. "There's nothing I can do. The past is what it is."
"So you'll choose just to stay here, rather than face that past?"
"Sometimes all our choices are bad, and yet still we must choose," Link muttered to himself wryly, remembering the conversation he had had with Talon. He had told the former ranch owner almost exactly the same thing as Malon was telling him now.
"Exactly," she said, unaware of the irony. "I don't think you'll be able to put off that responsibility forever. You have to answer to yourself, and I don't know how long you can run from that."
"I don't know how to answer that."
She leaned into him, and he found himself gently putting his arm around her shoulders again.
"I think you'll find out. I think something will show you. I won't push you any more, though. You have to find that out for yourself." Silence fell between them and Link noticed that the evening had become much chillier than it had been.
"There is something I do want you to tell me," she said softly.
"What?"
"Your real name. Seven years is a long time, and I've wracked my mind but I can't think what it is."
He hesitated, but knew he would tell her, and he knew the admission would make him begin to face what he had been hiding from.
"Link. My name is Link."
She smiled contentedly and led against him. In that moment, he saw her again as a girl, in a frightening world, who wanted to be protected. He held her a little closer, and wished he could do more to protect her from the horrors of the world Ganondorf had wrought.
Sleep was far from Link for a long time that night. In his mind, he saw again and again the people he had let down. So many had trusted him to stop Ganondorf. The Deku Tree and Saria, Zelda, Darunia and Ruto. So many people who had thought Hyrule would be safe.
Rising, Link left the barn. A winter mist had settled on the Lon Lon fields and paddock, and the night was cold. Wrapping his cloak around him, Link strode across the snow laden grass, Navi following silently behind him, a tiny ball of light in the darkness. He approached one of the outbuildings. It had not been used for a while and was in a state of disrepair.
Glancing around to check there was no one around, Link slipped inside. The little shed was filled with an assortment of bits and pieces that the ranchers could find no other home for. Hoes and rakes that needed mending, blunted instruments, worn saddles and bridles, the remnants of a cart, as well as other paraphernalia that had fallen out of favour but might one day be useful.
In one corner, a lumpy blanket had been thrown over some other odds and ends. Link pulled it to one side, and carefully unwrapped the sword he had hidden, the Master Sword. He wrapped one hand around the hilt, and delicately traced his fingers over the leather sheath. He put it gently to one side, and moved the Kokiri Sword over as well, reaching for a smaller bundle. Folding back the rags, he had wrapped around it, he gazed at the Ocarina of Time.
Zelda had placed all her trust and hope in him when she had given it to him. Finally, the scope of his failure and the brutality of Ganondorf's rule caught up with him. He had run from it, but Malon had forced him to remember who he really was.
He sat cross legged on the hard floor and wept. For a long time, he stayed there and cried bitterly. It felt as though he would never stop, because his grief would never be complete. It was his fault Ganondorf had been able to take the Triforce, his fault Hyrule had fallen under the rule of the Evil King. He had been completely powerless to stop him, and now he was just as powerless to do anything except sit and weep.
Link slumped to the floor, curling in on himself with the Ocarina of Time still clutched in one hand. He cried to himself, until eventually he fell asleep.
When he awoke, shivering, it was still dark. There were holes in the roof, and above him he could see the clear night sky. He felt more tired than he could ever remember feeling. It was not simple physical exhaustion, but the sensation of being completely emotionally drained. He could not even summon the energy to sit up.
Navi hovered just in front of him. In a strange compartmentalised part of his mind, he looked at her tiny form and saw how beautiful she was. There was concern etched on her face, matched by what he felt from their bond. Carefully, delicately, she brushed the tears from his face.
He dragged himself into a sitting position. The fey fluttered back and landed gently on his knee.
"No one would blame you," she said softly.
"No one was there," he countered, his voice strained.
"I was there. I don't blame you." Link did not reply. After a moment, she continued. "Rauru told you there was nothing else you could have done."
"It doesn't matter." He could not look at her. "It's not what I didn't do. I opened the door. It's because of me that Ganondorf rules Hyrule. Castle Town's been destroyed, who knows how many people are dead, and it's all happened because of me."
"Then lets try and undo what's happened. We have the Master Sword, we can try and bring Ganondorf down."
Link shook his head. "You saw what happened to Talamin."
"We don't need to do that. Rauru and Sheik both told you to gather power to stop Ganondorf. They believed in you!"
It was the wrong thing to say. Link glared at her bitterly, suddenly furious. "What difference does that make? Zelda believed in me! So did Saria and the Deku Tree! Did it do any good?" He stood and she was forced from her resting place into the air. "I failed everyone who believed in me."
Link started pacing furiously until he could bear his frustration no more. A loud roar ripped from his throat and he swung a fist at the stone wall.
It was a powerful punch, and he instantly regretted it. It hurt, agonisingly. All his anger disappeared as he stared at his bruised knuckles. His eyes slid up his arm to the long scar across his forearm. It had been barely healing when he had entered the Temple of Time. It was where the dodongo had bitten him.
"I can't do it Navi," he gasped. Despair was heavy in his cracked voice. "If I try to save Hyrule and fail again- I can't bear that thought."
He felt a glow of empathy from his friend, even through their impaired bond. She was silent for a long time. Link looked at his hand again. It was bleeding. He wondered if he had broken it, it hurt so much.
"I understand, Link," Navi said eventually. "For my part, I want to return to the forest, though. It's where I belong. Besides, I'm worried about what might have been done there. Without the Deku Tree's protection and with Ganondorf's power as it is now…" She did not finish her thought.
Link had not even considered why she might want to return to her home. New guilt washed over him at the way he had neglected her. It seemed obvious now, though. She was a fairy of the Lost Woods, that was where she belonged. Of course she would want to return there.
Her words impacted on him, as well. Thoughts of Saria rose in his mind. Was she all right? Were all the kokiri safe? Considering what he had seen of Hyrule under Ganondorf's rule, he did not imagine the forest had gone unscathed. It occurred to him that whatever had happened there was his responsibility, as well. Just as he had doomed Castle Town to ruin and devastation, he had doomed the Lost Woods to whatever fate had fallen there.
He bowed his head. "I don't know if I can face seeing what Ganondorf has done to the Lost Woods," he muttered.
A glow of disappointment swept through their bond, but he felt Navi push it away. They did not say any more. Link rewrapped the ocarina and the sword and hid them again, then walked back to the barn where he slept. The deep snow crunched underfoot. Entering the barn, he climbed to the hayloft, and lay down on his pallet. Sleep quickly took him until an hour after dawn.