Many, many thanks to Dave for the incredible beta work. All these chapters in, you'd think he'd stop bitching about the Americanisms but no.

Silver

Awake

His eyelids felt heavy and his eyes were scratchy.

Physically, Sirius was exhausted. Drained.

Mentally however, he was too aware. His brain wouldn't shut the fuck up.

Insomnia wasn't a choice. It snuck up on you and left you powerless to stop it.

He'd had more than enough experience with it to know that tonight would be one of those nights. Sleep wouldn't come.

He ran tired hands over his eyes, yawning. Beside him, Evans slept. Her slumber deep, occasionally broken by whimpers and murmured words.

Sirius had done what he could. Pulled her into his arms and ran his hands over her hair, as he'd seen James do but it didn't work. Her sleep was still restless.

Maybe it was an emotional thing. In some physical level, the redhead may have known he wasn't James. Or it could've been his touch- wrong in every way that mattered.

He groaned. He'd reached the level of tired that turned him metaphorical. He had to get out.

The Marauder pushed off the bed. His moves carefully slow, so he didn't wake the sleeping witch.

Sirius, I'm scared.

Bloody words had been playing over and over again in his mind since she'd said them. She'd sounded lost, her voice small and afraid. He'd just held her. Heart pounding and eyes watering, he hadn't been able to say shit and he'd known he had failed James.

Prongs had asked him to watch after her and so far, he was doing a crap job of it.

He hadn't known what to say though. All he'd been able to do was pull her against him and let her cry herself to sleep.

Sirius studied Evans as she slept, willing the door open as he accio'd the black coat off the floor. A final glance and he walked out the door, no destination in mind. He just knew he had to leave. The house made him feel claustrophobic, the late night hour made him feel alone.

With James in mind, he found himself back in Godric's Hollow.

The looming facade of Potter Hall stared him down. Its vast doors taunting him, daring him to come in. To go inside and tell Mrs Potter that Jamie was missing. To tell Mr Potter that they didn't know the whereabouts of his dearly loved son.

He wouldn't need to say anything beyond that. He'd see it in their eyes. The realisation that James could be dead.

His chest felt tight, blood pounded in his ears and then he was running. Running fast and hard, away from the manor house.

James could be dead.

He ran into the woods, the very trees he'd spent countless summers climbing and flying over.

You'll live here.

I don't have to. Uncle Alphard left me a place and gold.

I didn't fucking ask Padfoot.

The gardens blurred past him. The wards didn't register.

One foot in front of the other as his lungs burned for oxygen, a stitch in his side demanding he stop. His feet slipped, his trainers slick against the wet cobblestone.

The Marauder slammed against the nearest wall, gasping. His head throbbed, eyes stinging.

Sirius didn't think as his fist raised and pounded into the wall. Blow after blow struck the building. His ragged breaths loud in his ears, broken only by the sound of his flesh on stone. A crack, a welcomed pain. A distraction. More. Again and again until blood trickled down his hand.

He fell to his knees panting. Limbs shaking, sweat running down his spine. The night air cooling his heated skin.

You're a bloody drama queen Sirius.

He choked back a sob. Eyes wet and burning he took deep, gasping breaths.

Dark, red blood dripped from his fingers, pooling in a dip on the stone and mixing with dirt. Dark, muddy blood. Mudblood.

A laugh bubbled up his throat, his chest hurting from the force of it. A dog howled in the distance- chuckling, he howled back.

You're named after the Dog Star and your animagus is a dog. What the fuck?

Another bark of laughter, devoid of humour as stinging tears ran down his face. The laughter stopped and he raised his hands to wipe them away.

A flash of red. Bloodied knuckles and broken skin. Exposed bone and pain.

The Marauder pulled out his wand and ran it over the wounds.

'Episkey.'

A bone shifted and he smothered a groan with tightly closed lips. His eyes slammed shut as a dull crack rang out and a shock of pain raced up his arm. Skin mended and closed.

Sirius stood, running his hands down his face. Wiping away the moisture and sweat form his eyes. He looked around, the cemetery and St. Andrew's stood on his left.

He'd reached the middle of the village.

Trembling fingers reached for his fags. Heavy footsteps guided him towards Batty's home.

Fabian watched him from under the tree. Wide eyes followed his every move, he stood as Sirius approached. The scent of fear mixed with the smell of rain. A flick of a wrist and a raised wand.

'How did we meet?'

Sirius exhaled, his words forming around a cloud of smoke. 'You need a wank mate, all that tension can't be good for you. I thought I was talking to your brother. Hadn't met you yet.'

'What are you doing here Sirius?'

The Marauder shrugged. His shoulders stiff and body tense as he fought the impulse to snap at the ginger. It was a stupid question and judging by the sheepish look on the bloke's face, he knew it.

Fabian looked away, eyes scanning the empty street. 'Who needs sleep eh?'

'It's for the weak.'

He dipped his head, raising his fag to his lips. Sirius could feel the stocky wizard watching him.

'Mate, are you al-'

A deep inhale and exhale. 'It's been a while since I was here this late. Forgot how quiet it is.'

Silence, thick and heavy. His hands shook and his head was aching. He took out his flask and took a drink. The silver metal flashed in the moonlight.

'That goblin made?'

Sirius shrugged. 'I don't know, it was my uncle's. Knowing him, it probably is. Has the family crest on it so yeah, most likely.' He put away the flask. 'I'd offer you some but you're on the job.'

'You'll owe me a drink.'

'Anytime mate.'

More silence. Fabian was looking at him again and he bit down on his back teeth. The bloke was pissing him off. Mates or not, he didn't feel like talking about whatever the fuck Fabian had in mind.

He was fine.

Everything was good.

James was only missing. It didn't mean anything.

It couldn't mean anything.

Another inhale.

'Si-'

The sound of a creaking door interrupted Fabian. A flick of his wrist and his wand fell into his hand. The stocky wizard moved, blue eyes trained behind him as Sirius looked in the opposite direction.

The breeze shifted and a familiar scent reached him.

He turned back around to stare at the red door. Before his eyes found her, he'd called out.

'Hermione?'

'Granger?'

Both wizards spoke at the same time, both equally surprised when she stepped out onto the porch. A sheepish smile on her face, surprised eyes on Sirius.

Her mouth opened but before she could say anything, Fabian cut her off.

'Hermione?' he said, stepping forward. 'Everything alright?'

The witch looked away from him, dark eyes on the shorter wizard. She nodded.

'Yeah, I-I couldn't sleep,' she stammered, looking guilty for some damn reason. 'I know I shouldn't be out here at this hour alone or at all in fact but- um, well see thing is I was kin-,'

Sirius shook his head, exhaling. 'Granger for fuck's sake, just spit it out.'

The witch stopped and glared at him. 'I wasn't talking to you,' she snapped and he smirked. It only seemed to irritate her further. Suspicious eyes moved between him and the ginger before she took a step back into the house, taking refuge in its shadows. 'Why are you here? Is something wrong?'

'No,' both wizards answered at once and she frowned.

Sirius threw away his fag, vanishing it before it hit the floor. He took a step forward, shaking his head. Grey eyes focused on her anxious ones.

'Nothing that concerns you,' he said not unkindly. The words bitter in his mouth from the truth of it.

The disappearance of James Potter didn't matter to anyone with the exception of those who loved him. Yes he could easily tell Hermione about his best mate's disappearance but she wouldn't care. For all her insistence that she was with them at school, he knew it was bollocks.

Hermione didn't know James. Nor would she care that he was missing. Letting her know was pointless and would serve no purpose beyond her pitying him.

Granger stepped out of the house again, her eyes studying his face.

'Okay,' she said, her voice unsure and disbelieving. She knew he was lying but for whatever reason, the witch didn't press the issue.

The pair studied each other, the sound of Fabian clearing his throat made them turn.

Blue eyes watched him closely before turning towards the witch. Sirius blinked, wondering what that look was about.

'You wanted to walk?' Fabian asked.

The Marauder turned in time to see Hermione nodding. 'Yeah, I can't sleep and it's too hot and stuffy in there. I just- I really fancy a walk. If- if that's alright?'

Fabian looked to him, a ginger eyebrow raised. What'd you think?

Sirius raised his own eyebrow back at him, letting him know he understood his meaning perfectly. He looked to Granger.

'No. Get your arse back inside.'

The witch glared as the stocky wizard groaned out. 'Mate.'

'I wasn't asking you was I?'

He shrugged. 'Doesn't matter, go back inside. It's too damn late to be walking around.'

'You don't have a say in this Sirius. This isn't even your shift and you sure as hell shouldn't be here. So either shut your mouth or go away.'

He couldn't help it, he laughed. An annoyed Granger was equal parts entertaining and fascinating.

'You're rude today Granger,' he chuckled. 'Not a morning person?'

'Oh shut up.'

Sirius grinned at her. Fabian was watching him again and he looked to the bloke. Sure enough, blue eyes were moving between him and the witch again.

He frowned. 'Alright?'

Fabian nodded slowly, studying his face. It was odd, he felt guilty for some odd reason. He looked down and away. The way the shorter wizard was looking at him... it was almost like he was doing something wrong. He didn't understand it.

The ginger turned to Granger and gave her a tight lipped smile. 'So! How about that walk? Between the pair of us, I think it's doable.'

The Marauder looked up at that. 'Oi! I never said I'd come along. If she fancies a walk you can take her.'

'Nah mate, you're coming. I think it'll make things interesting. Plus, it'll help clear up a few things for me. Put me more at ease.'

There was something in the way he'd phrased that that bothered him but he didn't know what or why. Fabian was acting weird.

'Like what?' he asked, grey eyes watching him closely.

Fabian shrugged, an eyebrow raised. Blue eyes focused on his own. 'The village,' he said. Lied. 'I've never seen it all. Figured I should know the layout of it by now.'

Hermione spoke, drawing in their attention. 'You- I'm sorry but who are you? Are you Fabian or Gideon?'

The wizard smiled. 'Fabian.'

She blushed, looking sheepish. 'Sorry. I can't tell you apart.'

'No one can Granger don't feel bad.'

The twin nodded, huffing a laugh. 'He's right. Only our mum can and even then we try our best to confuse her. We succeed sometimes. Give you a hint, if you see me being civil with this tosser then it's me. If I look like I want to deck him then it's my brother.'

The witch smiled and amusement danced in her eyes. 'Imagine that,' she said with an arch of her eyebrow. 'Someone wanting to punch Sirius Black in his mouth.'

'Hard to believe eh?' he deadpanned, making them snicker.

Fabian gestured to the witch with a nod of his head. 'Lead the way.'

Sirius took guard behind them. Fabian at her side, her hand on the crook of his arm. Their hushed conversation loud to his ears.

'How've you been Hermione?'

'Good,' she answered him. 'You?'

'I've been good. Actually, I've wanted to talk to you for some time now. Listen... about the last time we spoke...'

The witch shushed him with a backwards glance, making him to frown. His eyebrows shot upwards when she asked to borrow his wand, grey eyes widened when the bloke actually did without as so much a question.

It took Granger a few tries to do what she wanted to do and even then she failed. Or at least he suspected she had, he stopped paying attention the second an irritating buzz started to ring in his ears.

They kept walking.

She led them away from the shops, towards the outskirts of the village where more houses stood. He walked behind them, letting them talk as he took in their surroundings, wand in hand.

The last time he'd done this, Granger had been skittish and had held on to Batty like her life depended on it. If what she'd told him was true and if she did indeed know things then he couldn't really blame her. Now though, there was a huge difference in the way she carried herself.

The witch he'd met had been scared of eye contact and refused to talk. The person she'd become walked straighter and independently, head held high and she didn't hide away from meeting anyone's eyes. Granger didn't shy away from challenges either, he thought with a smirk. Bloody witch was fearless when he least expected it. Her eyes shone and she cracked and vibrated with raw energy when crossed. The witch didn't take anyone's shit. She had fire and bollocks to match.

He liked that.

Granger laughed and his lips curved at the sound. She had a nice laugh.

Grey eyes turned to slits, watching the pair.

She was laughing. A lot. Fabian looked bloody pleased with himself. Alright that was a lie, he couldn't see his face, only the back of the bloke's head but he was walking funny. Son of a bitch was damn near strutting.

He walked up to them and stood on the other side of her.

'What are you two talking about?' he asked, eyeing the pair with barely held suspicion. 'I can hear her cackling from a mile away.'

The witch laughed. 'He was telling me about him and his brother. Go away.'

'Fuck you Granger,' he said without malice. Sparkling eyes met his own and she grinned at him. His shoulders relaxed and the tension he'd held melted away but quickly returned when Fabian opened his bloody mouth.

Bloke was watching him again. 'You should go back to trailing us Sirius. You know? The usual protocol?'

He did yeah. Just as much as he knew that he didn't want to go back there. 'I'd rather not be a third wheel if you don't mind.'

Fabian shook his head, eyes hard giving him pause. 'It's my mission to make sure nobody hurts her Sirius. Back off.'

The sense of dread built. He nodded at the ginger, letting them walk ahead of him as he took his place in the back.

Something was definitely off with the bloke... had he asked him a security question back? He didn't remember. What with Jam- Sirius slammed his eyes shut, shaking his head. Trembling hands reached into his trouser pocket in search of his fags. Ahead of him Granger's tinkling laugh broke the silence. Soon followed by Fabian's idiotic one. He lit his cigarette with the tip of his wand, a deep inhale and eyes trained on the short wizard.

What's he playing at?

He'd been acting funny since the moment he got here. It almost seemed like he didn't want him here. That made no sense though cos he'd been acting fine up until Granger had sauntered out her door.

Hermione laughed again as Fabian watched on, a proud grin on him. Sirius frowned, realisation dawning on him and he fought the urge to laugh.

'Oh, that's fucking rich,' he chuckled to himself.

Fabian fancied Granger.

He almost felt bad for him. Poor sod didn't stand a chance. Don't get him wrong, the bloke was decent but he wasn't good enough for her. They weren't even in the same league. Granger was all books and theory and intelligent conversations. Fabian was all action and movements. Intellectually, he wouldn't stimulate her. Physically, who knew? Maybe she had a thing for short, freckly and pale.

And soulless. Cos he was a ginger. On the plus side, she'd never have to worry about Dementors attacking him.

The pair stopped walking and he kept moving, catching up with them.

'What?' he said, staring at the grinning redhead. He looked like a fucking idiot.

'I've gotta piss.'

Sirius grimaced. 'That's fucking disgusting mate. We don't need to hear that.'

The stocky wizard grinned and winked at Hermione. 'Tell that to my sister.'

She giggled and Sirius scowled. Why the fuck was she laughing? He shook his head, taking a drag of his smoke. 'That's not even funny,' he said to Fabian's retreating back. Grey eyes sought out Granger. 'That's not funny. Why the fuck are you laughing?'

Hermione shrugged, smiling at him as he rubbed at his ear. The buzzing had finally stopped, thank fuck.

It'd gone quiet again. He looked down at his dirty trainers. He raised his fag to his lips as he shifted on the spot.

Round eyes, the colour of whisky stared up at him and he fought the urge to ask her what the fuck she was looking at.

An exhale and silence. His back itched, he ached to fucking move. Really, they shouldn't have been stood out here this long. Yes, it was Godric's Hollow and fuck all ever happened but it still wasn't safe to linger about.

'Sirius what's wrong?'

He was almost grateful for the noise. He was both relieved and angered by her interruption. He had to bite down on the back of his teeth to stop himself form snapping at her.

'I already told you Granger. It's nothing.'

The witch looked away when he finally turned to her.

Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes bright in the moonlight. Her creamy skin, ethereal and glowing. A breeze blew and her fringe and hair danced. Her clean scent didn't reach him though. The cool air had taken it away from him, pushed it another direction. He felt cheated by the loss.

Sirius saw her shiver before she took in a rattling breath. Her arms crossed across her chest and he didn't think.

The Marauder took off his coat, handing it to her. The look on her face was almost worth this shit walk. She hadn't been expecting it of him, he hadn't either come to think of it but she was cold. What else was he supposed to do?

He'd sworn to take care of her, so he would. Besides, he wasn't really cold. A higher than average body heat was just another plus to being an animagus.

Granger didn't take it though and he glared. Fucking witch wouldn't know what nice was if it bit her in the arse. He chucked his fag and moved behind her. Her fresh scent washed over him as he put the coat on her shoulders. She didn't need much encouragement after that.

Her arms moved. Slender hands moved into the sleeves and the witch snuggled into his coat, still warm from his body heat. Her neck slowly craned, knowing eyes looked up at him. His gaze dropped to her lips as she spoke. Her voice barely above a whisper.

'I think you're lying to me.'

He shook his head, pale eyes roaming her face.

Definitely too good for Fabian.

He lowered his head, his lips a hairsbreadth away from her ear. 'I promised I'd protect you Hermione. If there's ever something you need to know, I'll tell you.'

You're a fucking liar mate. I don't understand how women fall for your shit.

He slammed his eyes shut, his breathing ragged.

'Sirius?'

His eyes shot open and were met with her warm ones.

'Are you okay?' she asked him. Her voice soft and low.

He swallowed thickly, his mouth dry, heart pounding as she studied him with worried eyes.

James knows about you.

A shaky nod. 'Y-yeah.'

Granger moved, turned around to face him and a rush of cool air moved between them, replacing her heat and taking away her clean scent. Her lips parted as she shook her head. Before she could say anything however, the sound of someone clearing their throat reached them.

His wand was up in seconds as he pulled Granger close to him. Her arms clutched at his middle.

It was Fabian.

And he looked angry.

The Marauder moved away from her when the ginger's eyes met his own. He felt guilty again, like he was fucking up and he didn't understand it.

'Come on Hermione,' said Fabian, his previous humour all but gone. 'Let's go back.'

The ginger nodded at the direction they'd come from. Hermione moved past them without a word or a glance. Across from him, Fabian continued to stare.

The stocky wizard gave him another weird look before and catching up to Granger, as he trailed behind with a grimace. He rubbed at his ears, that fucking high pitched buzz had returned.

Their walk towards Batty's took less time than their walk away from it. It went unsaid, but it was clear that there was a sudden tension in the air.

The witch was reaching for her key when he stepped next to Fabian. Relief pouring out of him, the buzzing had stopped again.

Granger turned to the door and gave them each a tight-lipped smile.

'Thank you Fabian,' she looked to him then and he wasn't sure, but he thought the smile she gave him was a bit warmer. 'See you in a bit Sirius.'

He nodded. 'Sleep Granger.'

He moved towards his tree as she shut the door and that's when Fabian grabbed him by the shirt and slammed him against the nearest wall.

'What the fuck are you doing?' he asked, his voice low and threatening.

Sirius pushed the bloke away from him, glaring.

'What the fuck?!' he hissed.

Fabian stepped away from him, eyes trained on him. 'Back off Sirius. Whatever the hell is going on between you and her, fucking stop it.'

The Marauder frowned, surprised by his harsh tone. 'What the fuck are you on about?'

'Stay away from her Sirius.'

He shook his head. Bloody idiot had lost his damn mind.

'I don't know what the fuck you're on ab-'

'Don't lie. I saw the way you were looking at her and I'm telling you. Back. Off. Hermione is not to be toyed with.'

The Marauder blinked, pale eyes moving from him to the door. The firm set of his jaw, the hard glare, his lips twitched as the answer came to him.

Fabian was jealous.

He would've laughed if he wasn't so shaken by the bloke's weird moods. Sirius frowned.

No. It didn't make sense.

Fancying Granger was one thing but he looked borderline mad. He'd seen the bloke when he liked someone and this went beyond that. It was more.

Something else was going on here.

Sirius studied the ginger, wondering what the fuck this was about... and then it clicked.

'You know why we're here don't you?'

Fabian was the easy going, level-headed twin. He wasn't prone to overreacting and the way he was acting was too damn telling.

He wouldn't be this way otherwise.

The wizard flexed his fingers, confirming what he suspected.

Fabian definitely knew why they were here.

'Yeah,' he admitted, surprising him. 'I know exactly why we're here guarding her. I know who she is and why she needs to be kept safe and I'm warning you Sirius. Back. Off.'

He didn't know what to say. 'It's not like that.'

'Make sure it isn't.' Fabian looked over his shoulder at the red door before staring him down. He looked like Gideon then.

Sirius opened his mouth to say something else but shook his head instead, looking away. He was so fucking confused. Frustrated. He'd sworn to protect her and he'd do it but fuck's sake, who the hell was she?

The need for answers flared up again.

Fabian ran a pale hand through his red hair. 'You're my mate Sirius. So I'm warning you, don't fuck with Hermione. She's too damn important.'

He walked away then, back to his post as Sirius stood rooted to the spot.

Nothing else was said and he left with a heavy chest and a strained silence. James on the forefront of his mind.

James who'd given him a similar warning on Granger and who was now missing.

It was late, he didn't know the time but it didn't matter. He knew they wouldn't care.

Sirius reached Potter Hall and braced himself as he made his way upstairs and knocked on the elder Potter's bedroom door. Mentally preparing himself to give them the bad news and for the barrage of questions he'd be unable to answer.

The large wooden door swung open and Mrs Potter paused before stumbling backwards, clutching at her nightgown. Mr Potter appeared behind her, a frown on his face. Fury and fear in his eyes.

'Is he dead?'

Hermione shut the door behind her and nearly jumped when Batty called out.

'Do you have any idea how fucking hard it is to sleep when alarm bells are going off in your bloody head?'

The witch moved past the stairs and kitchen into the sitting room.

Laying on the couch with a flannel over her eyes, Batty raised her middle finger at her. In his usual spot was Hooky, mouth open, drooling and snoring.

'That's a bit rude,' she pointed out, watching the older woman. 'And what are you doing up?' Hermione squinted at the clock. 'It's just after four, why aren't you sleeping?'

'Because of you, you daft bitch.'

The brunette frowned at her. 'Why is it my fault you can't sleep?'

'You left the house,' Batty pointed out, pulling off the bit of cloth. 'Think about it.'

She did and then her eyes grew wide before she scowled, insulted. 'There's a tracking charm on me?!'

'Took you long enough. Fucking thing alerts me every time you unexpectedly leave the house. Bloody loud arse blaring noise inside me head!' Batty glared at her. 'It's fucking annoying.'

She almost felt guilty. Almost. She was currently too pissed off to care.

'Why didn't you tell me?'

Batty sat up. 'Oh no you bitch. You don't get to feel insulted. Not when it's my arse who woke up with that shit ringing in my fucking head, terrified that something had happened to you only to find that you'd run off to get some midnight dick! I hope it was worth it!'

Hermione blinked. Damn. Okay, now she felt guilty. 'It wasn't- I'm sorry Batty, I didn't know.'

'It wasn't worth it?' the tiny witch stood. Her green eyes slits. 'Those selfish twats! Didn't you tell'em to lick it before they stick it?'

She felt her face burn almost instantly. 'Batty!'

'If you did and they ignored you, so help me, I will tell their mothers!'

'No!' shouted Hermione. Hands up as she moved towards the older witch. There was zero doubt in her mind that Batty would say something about licking and midnight sex, no matter how off base she was. 'Nothing happened. We just went out for a walk.'

Batty studied her, a smile blooming on her wrinkled lips. Hermione's stomach squirmed. She did not like that look aimed at her. It usually meant bad things for everyone it was directed at.

She took slow, backwards steps. Brown eyes trained on Batty, refusing to look away because she wasn't an idiot. 'You know, I'm a bit tired,' she said, still moving. 'Goodnight.'

'Not so fast love.'

She flinched at the sweet tone. On edge from the current topic of discussion and going by Batty's growing amusement, she knew it too.

'Why so twitchy Hermione?'

'I'm not.' She was.

'Liar.'

A fair accusation. 'Batty, I'm really tire-'

'Was it the lick it bit that's got you all flustered or the implication that it was both of them?'

'Neither,' she answered quickly. Far too quickly in fact. She'd practically shouted her reply at the witch- who was now grinning like she'd found a new favourite game.

Damn witch looked like the Cheshire Cat- except more evil.

Batty tilted her head. 'You're blushing.'

She was. She could feel it right down to her toes. 'Am I?'

'Yeah, you are... the question is why? Who's got you all flustered Hermione?' Her voice was all thick and sweet. Honeyed. The twinkle in her eyes sinister. 'I want to say it's Sirius but it can't be cos your reactions to him are never like this... so it must've been Fabian.'

Hermione shook her head. It really wasn't.

'Is it the red hair? Or was it the blue eyes that did it for you?'

I love you.

I love you too.

Bright, blue eyes and soft lips. A curtain of red hair and a shy smile. Whispered confessions. A sharp pain and heat.

Ron.

Her lower belly clenched as she recalled the dream that'd woken her. The heat between her legs spread, hardening her nipples and sending chills down her spine. Bloody dreams were vivid as hell and far too frequent lately.

Every time she read a letter from lovers, the dreams came. Even if she wasn't thinking about them when she went to bed, she still found herself waking up, her body flushing hot, panting. A dull ache between her legs, begging for release.

As much as she touched herself, it wasn't enough. She couldn't satisfy the urge and need the dreams created in her.

Hermione knew what- who - she wanted, but it was pointless.

Ron, for all intents and purposes, was dead.

The boy she'd fallen in love with wasn't hers. Would never be hers. There was some solace in the fact that they'd shared something special. Regardless of the circumstance, the memory and physical evidence could never be taken from her.

Her eyes watered and she blinked the tears away as she swallowed thickly.

She'd thought she'd made her peace with that but she was wrong.

Truth was, she'd mourned for him but she hadn't let him go. Not fully, not really. Her dreams were proof of that.

Her time with him had been a short lived reality and to keep thinking on it... Ron wouldn't want this for her, just like she wouldn't want him to spend the rest of his life looking for her.

She had to let him go.

But how could she? She'd loved him long before she'd understood what being in love meant.

Ginny had once asked her why it'd been Ron and not Harry.

It'd seemed such a stupid question that she'd laughed. Fact was, Hermione had spent more time with Ron. Harry had always been running off to save the day, while it'd been Ron who comforted and consoled her.

It was when they were alone that she found him and fell in love.

Really, how could it have been anyone else?

It had always been him and in her dreams, she remembered every detail of their doomed romance. All the glares and smiles. The longing looks and heated arguments.

They'd been dry ice- fire one second, cold chill the next. Always burning.

They'd made no sense and she could acknowledge that, but it hadn't mattered. As flawed and incompatible as they may have been, she couldn't help but think them beautiful.

She loved him. Would always love him... but her Ron was dead.

Her mind and heart however, refused to accept it.

The foolish things didn't want to say goodbye.

'So it is Sirius? HA! I fucking told those old bitches down at the shop. I bloody knew it!' Batty threw the flannel at Hooky who startled awake. 'I told you they wanted to shag. You owe five Galleons.'

The house-elf glared and clicked his fingers. He vanished with a loud, oddly enough angry sounding crack.

Hermione pushed away the ache in her chest, suppressing all thoughts associated with it. Hopeless dreams were just that. There was no use lingering on them.

'What are you talking about?'

Something in her tone must've given her away because Batty turned to look at her, her smile gone.

'What's wrong?'

Hermione shook her head. 'It's nothing that can be helped.'

'Why are you sad?'

That bloody impulse to tell her the truth burned her throat, closing it. She shook her head again, eyes stinging.

'Was it something else?'

She nodded. 'Yeah.'

'The sex thing?'

Batty was watching her too intently and she panicked. Scared of the older witch's line of questioning. Not wanting her to see this part of her- the last bit that was far too raw and exposed.

Hermione didn't think she could talk about Ron, doubted that she would ever be able to. Some things were beyond words. This hollow ache was one of them.

Luckily for her, Batty was an intelligent woman.

The older witch sat down. 'Are you a virgin Hermione?'

The stinging in her eyes returned full force and she took in shaky breaths.

She shook her head.

Batty didn't say anything as Hermione rubbed away the tears from her eyes.

'Is he alive?'

Another slow shake. More traitorous and cunning tears.

'Sit down Hermione.'

She did as told and didn't so much as blink when Batty stood and left the room. Brown eyes were trained on the Mokeskin pouch, forever sat on the coffee table. Constantly taunting Batty.

Mocking her with its silver content.

Batty returned a few seconds later, Firewhisky in one hand, two shot glasses on the other. The witch filled them both and handed her one, raising hers in a toast.

'To love,' she said. 'May it go fuck itself.'

After clinking their glasses together and drinking the shot, Hermione made her way upstairs. Batty let her go without another word.

She didn't turn on her bedroom light or prepare for bed. She was too tired for any of that. Shoes off, Hermione pulled back the covers and lay down.

Turning on her side and with a lift of her head, she saw Fabian's feet sticking out from underneath the tree's canopy.

With the exception of Moody, they hardly bothered with cloaks anymore. No one seemed to notice or care about these blokes who stood under a tree and trailed after her.

Batty had been right. Things happened in Godric's Hollow that were left unsaid.

The brunette rolled away from the window and pulled the covers tighter around her. She yawned as her alarm clock caught her eye. It was close to five in the morning on the second of September, nineteen seventy nine.

Seventeen days before she was born.