Hello Ladies and Gentlemen. Welcome to the next chapter of Spade. First, again must apologize that it is taking me so long to post anything. A lot has been going on this summer. Process of moving, trips, family. You know the deal. And as much as I love to write, Life takes a first priority. Now, this doesn't mean that I'm cancelling Spade. Spade will continue and will go on. As for any notes on this chapter. You are just going to have to read it.
Chapter 23: Words Cannot Express
Adrian POV
The mood in the briefing room was… low. Everyone was tired, and wounded. A form of medical work done on them. The only two that didn't were Wrex and Tali. Wrex had that redundant nervous system that gives him regenerative abilities. And Tali had the suit. Everyone else, had bandages, casts, and slings. Garrus was the best out of all of us. Of few scrapes and burns, and a patch on his, cheek?
Liara had a few bandages as well. Both arms wrapped, and a wicked bruise on her cheek. Ashley was no better. Arm in a sling and cast, a leg bandaged up, a pair of crutches on her side. She got hit pretty hard when the Geth swarmed her squad. Felt terrible about it too. She lost her squad back on Eden Prime, and now she lost a few lives on Virmire. Her mental health must be cracking.
As for myself, well, let's just say Saren did a number on me. My arm was dislocated during the fight. Can't say when exactly, probably when he dropped me. I was sore, but I'm pretty sure everyone is. A patch on my cheek, my good arm wrapped up, and my legs as well. And my burns have increased. Joy. Plus what bothered me was what Chakwas told me, but that will be saved for later.
And Eden. She was hurt to. Physically and mentally. She had an arm wrapped up, as well as her neck. I didn't see, but Saren left bruising all along her neck. It pissed my off, and I wanted nothing more than go after that fucking Turian. Mentally, she was crushed. I could see the tear streaks on her cheeks. I don't how long she has been crying. It has only been a day since then. Emotions were still high.
We all sat in our designated seating. Everyone was silent, minus a few tears here and there. Tali's was shacking, and her shoulders would twitch. No doubt she was crying. Liara had a tear or two fall, as well as Ash. Wrex, Garrus, and I were quiet. I had nothing to say, and to be fair, I was in no place to say anything. Eden stood in the center, like always.
Damn, I can't imagine what she is going through. Not only is Kadian gone, but we lost a few Marines. The squad that was with him, and a few that were with Ashley. I didn't know most of them, but coming from a military family I know how the family is going to react. Rage, sadness, shock. It was how I felt when my father died. Same with my mother.
My hand went up to the tags wrapped around my neck. My father's tags, along with my mother's wedding band. I clenched my fist around them. Wondering if they are watching me right know. Are they proud? Disappointed? Ashamed at what I was doing here? Could they even see me? Being a different universe and all. Their spirits may not exist here. If you believe in such a thing.
"Damn you Spade…" What? I looked up and saw Ashely glaring at me. If looks could kill.
"What?" I asked in return. Tali flinched at my voice. I'm not in the mood to have blame pointed at me.
"You are probably happy that Kadian is dead. You're just beaming with joy, aren't you!?" Her voice was shaky, and her eyes watery. I sighed and looked away. Everyone was looking at me. Liara had a questioning look. Garrus and Wrex were curious. Tali looked down, and Eden had her eyes close.
Really? Everyone is wondering the same thing, huh?
"I take it you are all wondering the same thing?" I asked. Some looked away. I clicked my tongue. Looks like I'm still the bad guy here. Well, in some eyes. Wrex I'm sure has my back, Garrus as well. Tali, maybe and only because of our shared interest in Tech. Liara and Ash, however, probably wish me dead. And Eden? I know we are dating and all, but she needs to be in the middle in this. Plus, I don't want to drag her into a debate.
I stood up, wincing at the pain coursing through my body. Tali looked like she was about to stand up and help, but I put my hand up. She sat back down, and I looked at Ash. I've mastered the expressionless face a long time ago. I looked at her in the eyes.
"Although Kadian and I had our differences, he was still a good soldier, and a good man. And it pains me to see that he is gone. But, words will not heal any wounds. At least mine won't," I said. She looked away from me, but I could still feel the hatred she felt towards me. I took a breath and started to walk away. "I'll be in my room. It's clear that I'm not welcomed here."
I didn't bother to look at anyone else, only Eden. She flinched a little, and her face dropped. I didn't want to do this to her, but for her, and my sake, me leaving the room is the best thing.
It was a struggle to get down the stairs, and a few Cadet's offered help. I just glared at them. My pride isn't wounded, and I don't want pity from anyone right now. Getting to the second floor, the mood was heavy. Everyone there was quiet and were staring at me. A few Salarian's were there, and sent nods to me. I ignored them. Like I said earlier, not a big fan of Salarian's.
A few Marines nodded as well. Ignored them too. Can give a rat's ass if they felt the same as Ash, or not. I'm just not in the mood right now. Call me a douche bag if you like, I can care less. I know word spread around about my fight with Saren, and maybe that earned respect with a few Marines. But the feud between myself and Kadian was the biggest thing on this ship. From who Eden will pick, to when the next fight will come around. It was disgusting, and to be honest, I didn't want to hear any of their words.
I limped into my room, and fell in my chair. My terminal was going off. Messages. Probably from Nalik. He has been giving me reports for the Mandalorian idea. I pinched the bridge of my nose, and clenched my eyes shut. I'm too tired for reports right now. But if I put them aside I'll never get around it.
Turning on the terminal, I started scrolling through the messages. Of course, from Nalik. One from him, and the other two from Tiffany and June. Interesting. Didn't think June would send me a message. First thing first, Nalik's. It was lengthy, but overall, good news. He found people that were on board the idea. Mercenaries looking for a purpose, shipyards willing to build ships, weapons and armor manufacturers, and funding. And, someone that is willing to start the Basilisk Project. I told Nalik that I must be a part of that. At least, the beginning stages anyway.
This is probably the only good news so far. And it is something I'll take in full stride. I need to send him the schematics I've been working on as well. Armor for different species, and special suits for those that I care about. Eden and June really. Speaking of which.
I checked June's message. A thank you note. Her thanking me for finding her and reuniting with her sister. Thanking me for giving her two trainers. She said Reila was an amazing teacher, and that she has been making progress. And, of course, a threat that If I ever hurt Eden she will hunt me down and kill me. Great. Couldn't help but smile at that. She is so much like her sister. Smart, witty, and a good heart. Eden is lucky.
Lastly was Tiffany. She was happy to have shore leave, and was grateful to have met June. She and her have become close friends, and are now living together. Always good to hear, or read, in this case. She's ready to get back on the Normandy and see everyone. Fuck. She doesn't know. And I hate to give out bad news for her when she is having such a good time. Still, she'd be pissed to found out at a later date. Plus her moral will be low if she finds out when she comes back.
I readied myself before I started typing. I may just have made her shore leave terrible. At least she'll have June in the mean time. Typing the message, with one hand mind you, my door opened. Not bothering who it may be, I just kept typing. It is pretty difficult to type with one hand. Once I got the message done and sent, I stood up and looked at my "guest". Ashley.
"You have a lot of nerve leaving the briefing room," she said. Her eyes were watery. Just a few more moments and the water works start again. "Do you really hate Kadian that much? Are you glad that he is dead!?" she started. My face, expressionless.
"He tried to make amends to you. He tried to see you in a different light. But now he is gone, and he'll never be able to see you who everyone else does. How Garrus sees you. How Eden sees you. …How I see you…" The last part got me. I never really thought how others actually saw how I was. Well, that's not true. I know how Eden sees me, and Garrus as well. But not how Ashley sees me. I looked at her, and her brown eyes were trained to the floor. The tears started to fall.
"You don't really care, do you? At the fact that he and others were dead. Yeah, not a lot of Marines liked you, but after what you've done for Eden. Finding her sister and bringing her home. Everyone saw the goodness in your heart. But it wasn't enough, huh? It wasn't… It wasn't…"
She started to shake, and the tears were falling now. In the corner of my eye, I saw the others from the squad. I'm not sure what their faces could be, and at the moment I didn't care. Ashley, who I consider a friend, is broken. Her heart, her spirit, her moral. She just lost a dear friend, and is subconsciously blaming me. I don't blame her though. Kadian and I never liked each other to begin with. Maybe in the end, there was a moment of mutual likeness. But it was cut short at Virmire. A planet that will be burned into my memory.
I went up to her, and brought her close to me. My arm wrapped around her, and my chin on the top of her head. Yes, I'm that tall.
"I'm so sorry Ashley…" I started. "As much as Kadian and I had our differences, I'm also going to miss him very much." It was short, but it was the best thing I could say. She started to sob, but she didn't move. What I said was true. Even though we had our differences, I'm going to miss Kadian. The Canadian L2 with severe migraines, a hard head, but overall, a good heart.
I looked over to the group. Some nodded, others had hands over their mouth. But my eyes fell at my dark haired, green eyed beauty. Even though she had a sad demeanor, a small smile was on her face. She gave me a smile nod before she left. I'm going to have to talk to her later.
"Sir?" A Cadet said coming up. Ashley broke her grip and went back. I looked at her and nodded. She didn't smile, but she wiped a few tears away and nodded back before she left.
"What?" I asked, my voice extremely low. I didn't bother to look at the Cadet. He flinched at little.
"Dr. Chakwas asked to see you about your arm sir. And to speak to you about an important detail on your health." Damn. I knew what she wanted to talk about.
"Thank you. I'll see her in a minute." He saluted and left.
Heading to the Med-bay was the longest walk I ever had to take. Knowing what Doc is going to say. I'm not even sure how to react to it. Damn burns. Walking into the Med-bay, was probably the hardest thing I've ever done. She nodded, and told me to sit. It was a big blur really. She checked my arm, checked off that it was fine now, only going to be sore for a while. At least I have my arm back. She gave me a dose of burn serum, which was also a huge relief. But what happened next, was something that would take the mood to an all time low.
"Have you told anyone?" she asked. I looked down and shook my head. She sighed.
"They need to know Adrian. Especially Eden. They need to prepare themselves for what is to come."
"Look Doc. I'm barely having the time to register it myself. Once I'm ready, then I'll tell everyone. But consider what has happened, I don't think the crew need any more bad news on their plate."
She looked away at that. I knew all about how she took care for Kadian. How she took care of all of us. We were like her children, and for her to lose one was something she wished to never happen.
"Then… I guess it is no use to tell you that I do not recommend field work?" she asked. I smirked for once.
"Not even something like that will keep me down. I'll keep fighting till this is over. Once Saren is dead, and Eden is safe, will I put my pistols up."
"It may speed up the process. Are you willing to live with that?" I nodded.
"I knew the risks when I first joined up with this team. I think one added risk wouldn't do much to stop me."
She looked at me with a motherly disposition. She really is like the mom for us all.
"Just take care of yourself Adrian. I don't want to lose anyone else during this war." I stood up and head for the door.
"I can't make promises I can't keep Doc. But… I'll damn as well try to live up to that promise."
Walking out of the Med-bay, I stopped. The reality hitting me like a fucking Krogan slamming me with a hammer. Fuck! I brought my palm to my face. Rubbing my eyes and face. I could feel myself shake. A minor panic attack. Having had one since I lost Stephanie. Damnit. I looked over and saw the dim green light from Eden's door. Visiting her may not best, but it is needed.
Opening the door, I saw her on her desk. Head in her hands, and terminal on. She is probably writing letters to the families that lost loved ones. Can't imagine what that may be like. Course, I never had to write one. Those in the Organization never had a family to go too. That was the thing Robert always said. 'We are the outcaste, the shunt, and the forgotten. And it is one hell of an advantage'. Damn what I could do to have my drinking buddy back. Hell, what I'll do for a fucking drink.
I went up to her and brought a hand to her shoulder. She flinched a little, and looked up at me. Those green eyes. A stray tear sliding down her cheek. I instinctively brushed it away. She sniffled and gripped my hand.
"Thank you. For what you said to Ashley," she said. I nodded and sat on her desk.
"Of course. She and Kadian were close." She nodded.
"To bad she yelled at you first."
"Ah, it was bound to happen. I don't have the highest rep onboard the Normandy."
We were silent after that. For a bit. The mood here, and all over the Normandy, was like this. Low, sad, angry. Although that anger is questionable. Not sure if it is for Saren or me.
"How are you holding up?" she asked. I panicked for a second. Not sure what to say really.
"I'm alive…" I said. I cleared my throat. This is hard. "How about yourself Eden. I'm sure this isn't easy for you."
She stood up, pulling me along with her. We sat on her bed, and she leaned into me.
"I'm tired…" she said. I kissed her forehead.
"Understandable. It has been a tough day for all of us."
"Will you stay with me until we get to the Citadel?" she asked. Her voice was soft, but shaky.
"Of course… I'll stay with you until the end…" I whispered.
We ended up laying on her bed. Nothing sexual I'll tell you. Just, embracing really. She fell asleep soon after, and I laid away. Her biotics lightly glowing. It was soothing really. Something I'm going to miss with all things considering.
And with what Chakwas told me, this final stretch is going to be difficult. But as long as she lives. As long as Eden is alive. Then the true fight may just be won. And this weakness I have, although may be a crutch, will not slow her down.
I have a mission to protect her. And I will, even if I don't have much time. I'll finish my work with the Mandalorian's. Get them started and moving. And give them to her. It will be her greatest weapon when the Reapers show.
As for when I'll tell her. I'm not sure when. I mean how can you tell someone you really love that. That the fact that I don't have long. That in truth, I'm dying.
And epic moment dropped. Not what you expected in a Self Insert? Well I have my reason's. Let's just say, Adrian is going to be changing a lot in the timeline for Mass Effect.
Either than that, Not much to say.
KD