A/N: Based on a roleplay idea from Norththegem. Come check our RP group out at oneforall-allforeleven on tumblr!
In this episode, we get to see the rest of the Rose Grove crew while they try to furnish their home in a Scandinavian Furniture superstore. I'm not sure if I'm going to keep dropping actual names of real things in the future. If I do stop the product placement, then I'm going to edit this chapter to include less of it. Just tell me I don't owe Taco Bell and IKEA a paycheck.
Rose Grove
IKEA stood menacingly above the four Louds. Both Lynns stood distracted by the Swedish flag while Lola swooned at the prospect of getting her furniture from a country that had a King. As she stared at the blue and yellow, Lily tugged on her princess dress.
Lily was busy growing older as Lola found her harder and harder to carry with one arm. After all, she was 2 years old, now the toddler could be referred to in years. While Lily still preferred sitting down, she was old enough to walk freely on her own, and wouldn't object to a little running around. This didn't matter too much, though, since IKEA usually had a child daycare.
"I've heard of these places before," Lynn, Sr told his three children, all of which were completely uninterested in his ramblings, "I had a Swedish roommate while I was studying abroad in the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland." The girls sighed in embarrassment as he switched his accent to his terrible British accent. "I picked up some svenska from him, so perhaps this will work…"
Having never been to an IKEA before, Lynn Sr huffed himself up a bit and walked up to the customer service desk. He straightened his collar a bit and leaned on the desk, clearing his throat, "Talar du engelska?"
The customer service agent's expression flipped from bored to confused and bored. "What?" she said.
"So that means you speak English, huh?" Lynn decided to play his embarrassing interaction off as long and gruelingly as possible. "Say, where's the newly moved to Cali department?"
The agent shrugged. "Sir, have you been to an IKEA before?"
Lynn, Sr hadn't.
The agent motioned to the hallway to the rest of the store. She sighed, "Sir, if you and your daughter's can just follow the people going around the store, you can start looking at the stuff you like. Then you can go get the stuff you want from the warehouse downstairs."
As the Louds were walking off to the gauntlet, however, the agent decided to delay them one last time.
"Do you want to put your middle daughter in the daycare center here?" she added.
Lola had been quiet this entire time, still trying to keep herself level headed for whatever reason. The entire time her father had been trying to figure out how IKEA worked, she had been staring into the daycare, wincing at the idea of going in there. The saccharine colors and exceedingly neat Scandinavian designs seemed rather off to the princess. Not only that, but it seemed all the kids playing in there were all about Lily to Lisa's age. Indisputably, Lola would be the oldest person in there. Unless she was able to play with Lily, however, Lola didn't want to go in there. Hearing the agent make the proposition diverted her attention.
"If I go," Lola started, "Can I bring Lily with me?"
"Is she potty trained?" The agent asked.
She wasn't. Of course she wasn't. Potty training Lily was like asking Lana to shower after a mud bath: it simply wasn't possible. Lola said, "Well, she's not yet—"
"Then she can't go." The agent retorted, "So, will it be just you?"
Lola scoffed, "Excuse me? But I'm not going in there unless Lily's going!"
Lily could sense the tension of the situation and began to tug on her dad's coat.
Lynn, Sr took the hint. "I guess we'd better get going. See you later!"
Despite her father beginning to leave, Lola kept ranting at the agent, who stood silently ignoring every other word coming out of Lola's mouth. Lynn, Jr noticed this, rolled her eyes, and grabbed Lola by the arm. Lola was quick to wrestle herself out of the grasp, but Lynn was trained in retaliation. Accidentally shaking Lily up a bit, Lynn held Lola in an arm lock while the princess kept getting louder, believing that her argument was stronger with each higher decibel. Once back in Dad's hands, Lynn raced back to the agent.
"I'm sorry for the inconvenience. My sister's a bit of a hothead."
"No," the agent started, "I'm sorry for you. You have a weirdo family."
Lynn awkwardly chuckled, "They're not too bad."
"Where are you from?" The agent asked, "You don't sound like you're from here."
"Royal Woods," Lynn said, "It's in Michigan."
"Fancy." The agent seemed to lose interest, instead talking to another customer.
In the end, Lily had to be strapped to Lynn Jr. The younger Lynn bemoaned this, yet she put up with it. As much as she wanted to play around the store, Lynn knew that it was probably not a great idea. Strapping a baby to her chest was an ideal way to make sure she didn't do that.
As the children regrouped, their dad huddled them. He stated his rules: "Alright, kids, I want you to be on your best behavior. That means Lola, no yelling, and Lynn Jr, no playing football with the furniture. Your responsibility is taking care of Lily, do I make myself clear?"
Lola and Lynn rolled their eyes. Of course they knew better.
"Yeah, dad, we hear ya," They replied.
Lynn, Sr then began to stroll down the crowded halls of pristine Swedish furniture, mass produced from some Taiwanese factory just to be built by first world citizens with bad reading comprehension. Lola gazed at every single item before here, everything looking nice, but not like anything she wanted. The bright and artsy chairs were cute, but didn't fit the her regal interests. Even with names like Flygsbusarna and Morbrorsälgen, nothing stood out. It didn't matter, Lola could barely read it anyway. The more she browsed, the more she wished death upon the Swedish and their stupid language. As much as she wanted to rant about everything being ugly, though, she couldn't; Daddy told her not to do that. Lola huffed. Maybe she could just call them ugly in her head. Perfect. There wasn't quite the catharsis of reaction, however, and Lola trudged on.
The younger Lynn paced with her Dad, passing by the various artsy fartsy display furniture, nothing coming out as bold and brash as she would have liked. What did it matter anyway? She wasn't allowed to paint the room and half of it was going to Luan. Why wasn't she here to help decorate the room, anyway? Why couldn't Lincoln come?
Oh right. He said that he just wanted to chill at the house for a while. As for Luan, she said she didn't really care about furniture shopping. Their loss. Lynn gazed at the many styles of kitchens and living room fixtures, thinking about how she could easily climb them. As soon as she wanted to jump on them, however, Lily would fuss. She had been getting easily nauseous recently, but no one really knew why. Lynn was tempted to call up her mom and ask, but she didn't want to accidentally cause problems. After all, the kids were split for a reason. Lynn groaned as she carried the extra weight, trying to keep herself occupied enough to not practice her parkour.
The main causeway emptied into the warehouse through a downward staircase. At this point, Lynn had finally snapped and challenged Lola to a race.
"Pu-lease." Lola said, "not in this dress."
"Oh really?" Lynn gazed down to Lola, smirking. "Have you been gaining weight from all the travel and junk food we've been eating? We can't have a fat beauty queen, now can we?"
The ploy worked. Lola saw red as she matured into a flustered tomato. She bit her lip, screaming as she lifted her dress and took a headstart down the stairs. Lynn grinned as she followed suit, dodging past the other patrons, barely arriving before Lola. Through the heat of the moment and the fanfare, the two couldn't hear their father screaming down at them.
Reaching the bottom, Lynn Jr ran around in a circle, screaming "and the winner of the 100m dash is-" before getting rudely interrupted by her burden. Lily vomited a little bit before beginning to fuss even more, angrily flailing and screeching as Lynn desperately tried to shush her. The puking episode wasn't you the messiest thing in the world, but some of the puke did end up on Lynn and the floor. A few onlookers scowled in disgust. Lola crossed her arms and backed away, desperately trying to disassociate herself from the situation. Their father had had enough of his daughters' shenanigans. Thankfully, Lynn Sr carried around a few tissues.
"Give me your furniture preferences and stay exactly next to the cart." Issuing the ultimatum, their father expressed his utter disappointment, even though he barely raised his voice at all. "Save your screwing around for the playground.
"The rest of the errand commenced without a sound. Lynn, Lola, and Lily had never seen their Dad being this hard on them, but they just accepted this fact. Lynn suspected the divorce had really been biting at her father's teeth, and mostly wanted to stay out of the business. Lola felt obliged to be offended by her dad's sudden rudeness, yet she kept quiet. She didn't want to find out what other levels of anger he might have, since, after all, they were related and Lola's anger must have come from somewhere. The trip drained her energy, and she wasn't about to start a scene she couldn't finish, at least not when she didn't have her other siblings to back her up.
Soon enough, The Louds checked out, swung by Taco Bell for dinner, and arrived in the driveway of the new Loud House. Lincoln waved to them, enthusiastic about seeing the rest of his family arrive, but he noticeably dropped his expression when he saw the defeated looks on his sisters' faces.
"Lincoln!" Their father yelled, "help us with the furniture, will ya?"
"Sure," Lincoln's voice cracked as he ran over the van.
The younger Lynn laughed upon hearing his voice mid change. Popping open Vanzilla's trunk, she turned to the maturing boy, giving him a playful sock on the shoulder. Lincoln yelped, trading another punch, smirking. Yet, this pleasure was short lived.
"Lynn, Junior!" The elder shouted, "Stop picking on your brother!"
"But Dad—" Lynn complained, only to get interrupted.
"I want the furniture sets in the living room, right now!" the father demanded. "Your dinner is getting cold."
All the while Dad was commanding, Lola found herself wincing at every peep. She had never seen him like this, and it scared her. Quietly, Lola walked out of the van, making her way to the door while waiting for Lincoln and Lynn to pass though. Yet, a shriek caught her attention back to Vanzilla. Lily was still in the car, strapped helplessly to her car seat. Lola panicked, not seeing Lynn on her way to the van, lightly pushing her out of the way to grab her baby sister.
"Hey!" Lynn said, "What the hell was with that, Lola?"
Lola didn't pay any attention to Lynn as she unstrapped the car seat with as much case as she could. Lynn's rage only persisted until she realized what Lola was doing. With Lily now safe, Lola snuck back into her new, bland house. Sure, the house in Royal Woods might have been clunky in its own right, but it was nowhere near as bad as the menacing plainness as this one. It was only a matter of time before she was spotted by her dad, so she had enough time to brace herself when she did.
"Lola," Lynn, Sr asked, "why are you being so tense? Dinner's ready."
Lola winced. She had Taco Bell exactly once and boy did she hate it. "I'm not eating that gruel. Whatever happened to 'Chef Loud'?"
"Chef Loud lived in Royal Woods." Lynn the elder turned back to the microwaved fake Mexican food. "I guess your mother didn't appreciate that enough, so I'm pandering to your preferences."
Pouting, Lola began to fuss about it. "But Daddy," she yelled, "I prefer your cooking to that fast food garbage!" she crossed her arms and shot that bratty glance at him, "If you don't cook some real food right now, I'm gonna get—"
Before she could get mad, though, she noticed her father sighing. Lola felt a pang of guilt for her bad behavior. Instead of pressing her attack, she reeled herself back in.
"Sorry, Daddy," Lola said.
"No, I'm sorry, Lola," Lynn, Sr replied, hugging her little princess, "but this is all I could afford for dinner tonight. The entire trip sucked the life out of my savings, and I can't cook for you every night anymore. I have a four-hour commute to look forward to, so we're going to have to last with TV dinners and Mac n cheese."
By now, Lynn and Lincoln had finished taking in everything from the van. Lynn was barely breaking a sweat while Lincoln collapsed on the soon to be built couch's box. Upon hearing Dad's lament, both stared at him in disbelief. Luan had been hanging around upstairs, but had come down to share in the familiar disappointment.
"What?!" Lincoln and Lynn screamed in unison. "But we love your cooking!"
"Why would you take it away from us—" Luan slapped her own forehead, "DAMMIT! Stupid reflex puns!"
The father, tired as hell from driving and trying to appease his five kids, just looked away and gave everyone their meals, 2 tacos each and a plate of nachos to share. He sighed, "I just simply don't have the time and money to cook anymore. I'm sorry, I really am, but I can't anymore."
Gathered around the kitchen island, the four kids ate, avoiding each other's' gazes. Whenever Lynn, Sr tried to start up a conversation, the most response he would get was a bland affirmation that they heard him. Lola refused to touch her meal. Lynn started to eat it, but couldn't finish. The next hour passed in silence as Lynn and Lincoln built their new couch, entertainment center, dining room table, bookshelves, and bedframes. Luan and Lola stayed upstairs setting up their new bedrooms, which was mostly comprised of Lola complaining about the work and forcing a more irritated than ever Luan to do most of it. By 10pm, they were completely unpacked, and completely spent. Within the hour, they were asleep. The next day was their first day at the next school, and none of them were looking forward to it.
A/N: Alright, time to answer some questions in the reviews:
DarthSideous04 asks: Why exactly did they move to California, and not somewhere closer to Royal Woods?
It's because I'm from California and I'm more familiar with the Sacramento area and culture than I am with the Midwest. This story could have worked in another tech city like Austin, Seattle or Fargo, though since Sacramento itself isn't a tech city, then it'd be more like Lynn Sr. getting a job in Austin then commuting from Houston, or commuting from Olympia to Seattle.
364wii reviews: Hopefully in this story bullies don't beat the Louds every chapter like the last story I read of a divorce.
This is more of a character study than outright torturing the Loud kids. Yes, it's good to have tension in your story, but I'm not going to have Lincoln and Lola getting bullied every chapter, don't worry.
Guest asks: Can you make a part where the Cali kids go to a new school?
Next Rose Grove chapter, I promise.
Hopefully, the next chapter will be up soon! See you then!