Muchas gracias to Dave, TheUnrealInsomniac, for betaing this chapter. You carried me through this one babe and I wouldn't have been able to do it without you.

A/N: I have wonderful readers.

The amount of love I've received since my last update... words cannot describe how much I appreciate you all. Your words of encouragement and concern were far too kind. They definitely helped the writer's block, thank you.

To the person(s) who nomiated/voted for me in 2016 Marauder Medals, this chapter is for you. As you may know, I didn't win. Which is fine because the fact that some of you even considered me- that means so much more.

Older readers, I've missed you. New readers, welcome. I'm Erica and I have a tiny-borderline-serious issue with writing on account of it not coming natural to me. I will occasionally disappear but know that I will always come back, as I have an issue with leaving things unfinished. At the most, I'll fuck off for six months but no later.

Anyway, thank you all for reading and please, review.

- Erica x

Silver

Heavy

Sirius was holding her far too tightly and that was okay. Her ribs hurt from the pressure but it didn't matter.

She was crying and her face hurt from smiling so much and so widely but again, it was okay.

Hermione didn't know how long they'd held each other but when he set her down, it'd been far too soon.

She'd missed him and that was a fact that she wouldn't be able to deny. So when he asked if she had, all she could do was nod.

'Yeah,' Hermione said, smiling. 'I really did. Did you miss me?'

An arched eyebrow and side smile as the dog Animagus chuckled. A hand running through his fringe as he scoffed.

'No.'

The brunette pursed her lips, stamping down a smile.

'Of course not,' she replied, stepping down the bridge to stand beside him.

His smile faded as light grey eyes roamed her face.

'How are you Granger?'

Her smile dimmed then, a shrug of her shoulder and a slight shake of her head.

'I'm okay.'

'Are you?' the Marauder asked, frowning down at her.

'Yeah. I am.'

Sirius looked up and away, his eyes searching the open space behind her before turning back to her.

'Then why are you out alone at three in the morning?'

Hermione sighed, feeling her shoulders drop as her eyes grew heavier still. She really was exhausted. Using her wand had definitely tired her out, but not enough to let her sleep.

Insomnia really was horrible.

'Why are you?' she countered.

He didn't reply and she'd not expected him to. A silence began to form between them and all at once, she grew aware of their situation.

And thought about what Batty would say.

The older witch would have definitely assumed their meeting had been choreographed and planned. She was going to have a field day.

'I fancied a walk,' she breathed out.

'Right,' he said, exaggerating the word. His tone caught somewhere between suspicion and humour. A touch judgemental.

Hermione pursed her lips and hands on hips, stared him down. 'And how about you? Why are you out this late?'

He didn't answer her right away. His grin fell and his gaze shifted into something else. Grey eyes roamed her face, her hair, her lips. Catching her eyes and then running the length of her body.

Too close.

They were in each other's personal space and it suddenly made her very uncomfortable. Which was stupid and ironic considering she'd flung herself at him minutes ago but the fact remained the same.

For some reason, she was suddenly very uncomfortable. Aware of her body so close to his and the way he was looking at her...

Hermione took a few casual steps away.

'Sirius...?'

'Yeah?' he answered, eyes on her lips.

The Marauder blinked and looked away, a hand pushing away his fringe. 'Right, let's get you back then.'

Hermione frowned at his sudden change in demeanour. Shoulders back, chin up and casual style- he looked like he didn't have a care in the world. She didn't understand. Also, he was avoiding looking at her.

'I'm not going home yet,' she said carefully, watching him. Wondering what the hell was going on. He was acting very odd and considering the time of day, she had no patience for it. 'I said, I fancied a walk remember? So I'm going to walk.'

To prove the point, she walked around him. Intent of leaving him behind but in reality, half expecting him to follow.

He didn't.

When she turned the corner, Hermione looked over her shoulder and saw no one there. Sirius was gone and for some reason, she felt sad for it.

It didn't matter, she told herself and kept walking. Trying and failing to regain the comfort she'd found before he'd appeared.

It didn't come and the further away she got, the more annoyed she became. Until, with a huff, she turned on her heel in search of him.

Godric's Hollow was small. There were only so many places he could go and the first place she thought of was the place she found him.

Blossom Grove really was beautiful.

The Marauder was sat on the same bench as before. A blank look on his face that didn't change when he turned to acknowledge her.

Hermione licked her lips, stood in front of him as he watched her.

'Why are you here Granger?' he asked her, voice low and quiet.

She didn't know. She really didn't.

But if she were honest, this was where she wanted to be. Not in an enchanted, secret garden- but with him.

It didn't make any sense but it was nonetheless true.

'Because ...' she stumbled, looking away and with a quiet sigh, met his eyes. Hermione didn't have an answer to give, so she settled for the truth. 'Because I want to be.'

Sirius moved to the edge of the bench and before it shrunk to suit him, she made to sit. Instantly, the old wood morphed to fit her too.

She watched him with the corner of her eye, hands fiddling on her lap as she wondered what to say. All his bravado gone, he was quiet and sombre and tired. Perhaps, maybe more so than her and to her surprise, she was flooded with the desire to help him. Unfortunately, she didn't know how.

Normally, their conversations consisted of music, potions, letters and him telling her stories. The war was usually discussed, as were his school years, as of late the Order- all topics that she wanted to avoid.

He looked down, far too serious and a bit lost. Guilt flooded her. He'd talked her through some of her worst moments and here she was, lost as to how to help him.

'Leave it Granger,' he murmured, cutting through the silence, startling her. 'Whatever bullshit is going through your head, just drop it alright?'

She almost argued the fact but decided against it. Which only made the awkward situation all the more obvious. Hermione didn't think. She acted on instinct and when she did, it caught her off guard.

She froze as her head rested on his shoulder. Felt him straighten beneath her cheek and she held her breath as he slowly relaxed. With a lick of her lips and a second's thought, she reached for his hand.

Awkward.

This was awkward and she was very aware of his fingers interwoven between hers. His knuckles, a sharp and rough texture against her own and of the warmth his palm radiated. It almost bordered on the bit-too-warm scale but it didn't matter. He was an Animagus, they ran hotter than normal and so it was logical but it didn't...

Hermione licked her lips and shut her eyes. She was over thinking.

Fact was, she simultaneously felt uncomfortable and at ease. Desperate to take back her hand and yet happy he was holding it. Really, this was ni-

'Granger,' Sirius groaned, shutting his eyes and throwing back his head. 'For fucks sake, shut your damn brain off.'

'Sorry.'

He started fidgeting with her fingertips then, running his thumb over her pinky. It wasn't uncomfortable, not really, just odd. Sirius didn't seem aware he was doing it. Which was ironic because it was all she could focus on.

The brunette licked her lips and moved a bit closer to him as a gust of wind rose up and around them. She heard his swear and she was about to move away when, with a shake of his head, he let go of her hand to put his arm around her.

She felt his body heat and welcomed it. While missing the loss of his hand on hers. It didn't last though. Within seconds, his other hand was holding hers. The same welcoming heat as before, different scars. Hermione could feel the areas where his wand had calloused his skin.

'I got a wand today,' she said, settling into him. 'Batty gave me her old wand.'

He hummed as his fingers toyed with her own.

'It's fir and dragon heartstring, with runes on the wood. I messed up a bit on the spells which isn't surprising since I haven't gained its allegiance.'

Sirius gave her a half-smile but didn't say anything, like he was humouring her but not quite. Her eyes flicked to his wand, sticking out of his back pocket, noticing for the first time that it wasn't the one she'd seen him use in her own time. Which made sense, the one he had now must have been snapped when he was thrown in Azkaban.

'What's your wand?' Hermione said. 'If it's okay to ask?'

'Ebony,' he said indifferently, like it didn't matter. 'Dragon heartstring too.'

Hermione nodded, feeling dismissed and couldn't help the irritation it brought. She was just trying to talk to him, it wasn't like she was interrogating him or anything.

'Have you ever had another wand?' Hermione asked, a bit sharper than she meant. 'Before that one I mean?'

Sirius didn't say anything, just shook his head and she nearly growled.

She'd have an easier and better conversation with Padfoot than with him.

Hermione had expected that Sirius would be more relaxed when he came back. That their reunion would be laid back, enjoyable even. Instead it was frustrating.

Sirius still didn't say anything. Before she knew what the hell she was doing, she was up and pulling on his hand.

'Come on,' she said, tugging on his arm, snapping him out of whatever he'd been thinking.

He frowned, as he slowly stood. 'What?'

'I said come on!' Hermione pulled on his arm a bit more, urging him to move with her.

'Granger,'

'No,' she said, cutting him off as she guided him out of the garden.

'Granger, what the hell are you doing?'

'It's a surprise,' she lied.

Truth was, she didn't know. She had no idea where they were going. All she knew was that he looked sad and she needed to help him, like he'd done for her.

Problem was, she couldn't return the favour. Talking about her days at Hogwarts was impossible since it would cause him to ask questions. She couldn't talk about her parents because again, questions. And the war... she didn't want to. Not tonight when he looked like that.

So she walked and pulled him behind her as he blindly followed.

Which in turn brought them to the shop. With a turn of a key, the door unlocked and they stepped in.

Behind her, Sirius shook his head.

'No wards?'

'No point. The twins haven't shown up this week and I can't work the spells so,' she jingled the shop keys. 'Besides, with no one watching me, I'm pretty sure Dumbledore amped up security. It's fine.'

Again he didn't say anything, just followed behind her.

The pair made their way downstairs and only after they were stood in front of potion ingredients did she turn to him.

'Right,' the Marauder said, looking at her. 'Why are we here?'

She didn't know, so she said the first damn thing that popped into her head.

'Because, Sirius... you're going to teach me how to become an Animagus.'

It took him a moment to register the bullshit that had just come out of her mouth.

It took less than that for him to notice the surprise on her face as her mouth fell open. He had to fight down a grin but after a second, he didn't care.

He arched an eyebrow. 'You want to be an Animagus?'

The witch blinked up at him, shock rendering her momentarily stupid.

'... Yup.'

'Right.' He smiled at her. Crossing his arms as he turned to face her, settling against the table. 'Since when?'

The brunette blinked, looking away as her skin turned pink. 'Since always.'

'Really?' he laughed.

'Yes,' she answered, staring away from him to watch an empty wall.

'You want to be an animal?'

'Yes,' she said airily, turning to him. 'Who doesn't want to be an animal? Scurrying about on all fours, through dirt and grime?'

'Indeed?' Sirius asked with a smirk.

The brunette nodded, the knot at the top her head bobbing along. A few more curls falling loose around her face.

'Yep,' she said, looking at the ingredients in front of them. 'So ... let's get on with it yeah? Let's turn me into an animal. Preferably something cute, furry and vicious. Maybe a platypus.'

Sirius shook his head, huffing a laugh. 'Yeah, alright let's get on with that.'

'Please do.'

He nodded once, before moving towards the ingredients across from them. 'You'll need a Mandrake leaf.'

'A what?'

'A Mandrake leaf Granger. That's the first step.' He searched through the vials and pulled out mini drawers, looking for the familiar leaf that'd made his life hell. He found it a few moments later and glared as he held it between two fingers.

About the size of his palm and the width of three fingers, it had three sharp and narrow points. It was dark green and when moved against the light, it shimmered dark purple, blue and red.

It was beautiful. Highly magical and a potent ingredient to have in your stock.

It also tasted like shit.

Its edges itched and left you with a fucked up, bitter taste in your mouth. Not to mention the little known side effect of it staining the inside of your mouth and making your urine smell like horse shit.

Sirius turned, smiling at the brunette who was eyeing the plant. She looked like she wanted to run. He tried not to enjoy the look of Oh fuck written all over her face too much.

Really, he shouldn't have been enjoying it as much as he was but he couldn't help it. Granger was awkward as fuck right now and it was hilarious.

He knew what she trying to do. She probably knew that he knew, but that didn't matter. Whatever bullshit Granger was peddling was keeping him out of his head and that was all that mattered.

Besides, it was keeping her close.

He may have walked away from her earlier but he hadn't done it willingly. Self-preservation, contrary to what Mrs Potter believed, did play a role in his life.

When she'd come looking for him ... he'd had to force himself to sit still and not pull her in.

As it was, he'd almost grabbed her when she'd stared him down with that stubborn gleam in her eye. Hands on hips, eyebrow arched and pursed lips as she challenged him... she was fucking gorgeous and she didn't even know it.

'Here you are Granger,' he said, moving towards her. 'Roll it up and put it between your lower gum and cheek. That's the best and least intrusive way.'

She took the leaf from him and twirled it. 'And then after a month you put it in a vial to sit for a full moon right?'

His eyebrows shot upwards before he chuckled with a shake of his head.

Leave it to his witch to know already. As smart as she was, he really shouldn't have been surprised.

It took him a moment to realise he'd thought of her as his witch.

'Yeah,' he said, looking away from her bright eyes. 'But one step at time Granger. Go on.' He nodded at the leaf, waiting and absolutely not staring at her parted lips.

Shockingly, she tried to avoid it.

'Can't we check my Animagus form first please?

'There's no way to do that Granger.'

The brunette tilted her head. 'How do you know?'

He leant against the table, turning his head to face her. 'Because I looked. Stop stalling.'

'Stop rushing.'

He didn't bother to reply. She was full of shit and was trying to get out of it. She knew he was doing it for that reason alone.

He was having fun.

She gave him a beaming smile then. One that caused his chest to ache and his gut squirm and again he was struck by how beautiful she was. Self-preservation kicked in then and he quickly sat down.

This was fucking ridiculous. He felt like a bloody virgin again. It was embarrassing how quickly and easily he got hard. From just one of her bloody smiles.

Bloody witch was going to be the death of him.

That thought sobered him up. Pale eyes turned to watch the now talking witch. At her lips. At her hands. At her mad curls and whiskey eyes that he'd happily drown in.

She was his to protect. Where once it'd been his duty, it was now an honour. He'd die protecting her. Happily if it meant she was safe. He licked his lips, frowning. Watching her as she spoke and gestured with the Mandrake leaf.

This wasn't lust.

Whatever bullshit he'd told himself before, with her here, he couldn't lie to himself anymore. He couldn't encourage it either. He refused.

He cared about her though. Far too much he hated to admit. Worried over her. For and about her. Everything came back to her.

He'd missed her voice. Her laugh. That maddening twinkle in her eye when she was being clever and that sharp tongue of hers that could both soothe and infuriate him.

Sirius swallowed thickly, pushing away his fringe.

Truth of it was, this thing with her was much more than a passing crush. Denying it had gotten him nowhere. Fighting it had been pointless and wanting more was stupid.

He couldn't have her, even if she'd been willing. The look in her eyes, the way she spoke and acted towards him- to her he was just a friend.

While he didn't like it, he accepted it. Really it was for the best. His responsibility was to protect her, even from arseholes like him.

Self-awareness really was a bitch.

The ache behind his eyes intensified and he stood, taking the necessary steps to reach her. He didn't think, he'd just reacted and now that she was stood in front of him, his mind was drawing a blank.

The Marauder wanted to pull her against him, but he wouldn't.

Granger shifted on her feet, watching him. Anxiety across her features, her hands fidgeting at her sides.

The brunette gave a slight bounce said, 'Sod it!' and for the second time that night, threw herself at him.

His arms moved around her instantly. Breathing in her delicious scent as he shut the world out.

Nothing else mattered. Not his argument with James and Remus. Marley was a forgotten mistake and the war stopped existing for that small moment in time.

It was just him and her.

Granger's smaller frame soothed his tired bones in a way that alcohol never would. Her earthly scent held him and he shut his eyes, savouring the feel of her body against his.

'Are you okay?' she asked him then.

Her words stained with obvious worry. Truthfully, he wasn't. It'd been a long month, marred by too much war, death and pain. At least she'd been safe.

In the distance, St Andrew's bell rang and he intertwined his fingers with her own as she pulled away. But not too far away.

'Sirius?' whispered Granger, her voice soft in the otherwise silent room.

He shook his head, silencing her- needing the silence to last a little bit longer. His heart pounded against his chest as her scent moved over him, beating a little bit faster when her arms moved around him.

Her smaller body moved against his own and his chest burned.

She couldn't be his and while he accepted that, he wanted to be selfish. If only for a moment.

He cupped her face and watched her with greedy eyes.

She was studying him, a look that meant she would figure him out sooner rather than later. Grey eyes drifted to her lips and he pulled her in a bit closer.

He wanted to know everything about her. Her past, her future and everything in between... but he couldn't.

'Are you okay?' she asked him, her smile long gone, replaced by worry.

Yes. 'No.'

Granger didn't ask him anything else and his lip curled at the fact. Damn witch was always surprising him. Always doing the opposite of what he expected and it drove him fucking mad.

He ran his hand through her hair, playing with a curl.

'Hermione,' he murmured against her hair.

Dark eyes met his own and what he found there hurt.

Pity. Perhaps concern, but nothing more. Which was fine. Better than the alternatives, all things considered.

That's what he told himself.

Even as his hand moved around her neck, pulling her in as his lips grazed hers.

It was nothing- a ghost of a kiss, but it burned through him nonetheless.

Granger hadn't moved. She hadn't encouraged it or pushed him away and the indifference somehow made the whole thing worse. She was still watching him though, with a slight frown and parted lips. Questioning eyes that wanted clarification.

Sirius cleared his throat, shook his head and looked down and away. He should've said something but the words wouldn't come and besides, an apology would've been a lie and anything else wouldn't help.

He'd allowed himself a moment of selfishness and though he wanted to pull her in for a proper kiss, he knew he wouldn't.

The temptation was settled. His greed satisfied and so he'd leave it there.

He reached for her hand and walked her out of the shop and into the night. He dreaded the moment when they reached her door, knowing she'd want an explanation but once again, his witch caught him by surprise.

Granger shook her head, squeezing his hand once before letting go. A soft smile on her face before she walked into the house.

'Good night Sirius,' she said and with a parting nod from him, she was gone.

The Marauder sighed and turned to leave, his feet guiding him back towards Potter Hall. Back towards reality.