Going deeper into the forest only caused more trouble for them than Dwalin believed necessary.
They had exhausted their food supply soon after entering and it had caused them much misery. Bombur was not helping any.
Thorin was no better: he was snappier than usual and easily irritated.
Bilbo kept his mouth shut, though his own misery showed.
The deeper into the forest they went, the worse the grumbling. Even Balin had begun to grumble about the lack food and began having the same hallucinatory dreams Bombur had of wondrous feasts.
Thorin took it on himself to yell at both.
"Must they cause us nothing but misery talking about food?" Bilbo mumbled, resting his head between his legs. "It doesn't make the light-headedness or the journey any easier. Besides, whose fault is it we're out of food?"
"Don't start too," Dwalin snapped. "We're all hungry, so keep your mouth shut. The light-headedness will pass."
Bilbo lifted his head as though it was a heavy weight and turned to Dwalin, mouth open and an argument on his tongue.
"What was that?"
"Fires?"
"Perhaps food—"
They snuck closer to find a feast being enjoyed by Elves. But there was food.
Thorin stepped out first, too hungry to cater his prejudices. The elves gasped, staring at him. "Please," he began, "my company and I—" The fires died and all went black.
Dwalin felt something seize him. He tried to break away from the restraining grasp. He felt some sort of sticky rope threading around him, restricting his movements. He felt himself lifted upside down and left to hang. Bilbo…Where's Bilbo? He could not bring his question to voice and lost consciousness.
#
Old fat spider spinning in a tree!
Dwalin thought he must be going mad. He wasn't anywhere near Bilbo and the blood rushing to head must have made him think he was hearing Bilbo taunting spiders. After all, why would Bilbo be foolish enough to draw Spiders off with such a stupid tune?
Old fat spider can't see me!
Yes, Dwalin decided he had finally lost his mind. Shrieking hurt his ears and scurrying passed him.
Attercop! Attercop! Won't you stop, stop your spinning and look for me?
Dwalin wriggled.
Old Tomnoddy, all big body, all Tomnoddy can't spy me!
Attercop! Attercop!
Down you drop!
You'll never catch me up your tree!
The silly nursery rhyme continued. Dwalin wished it'd stop. The lyrics were rather insulting—
Dwalin felt the bonds around him cut and he fell, groaning. "Mahal! What the hell was that for?" He looked about.
Bilbo grinned. "This isn't a good time for sleeping, Love," he said, helping Dwalin back up. "The spiders will be back soon. Can you stand? Can you run?"
"I'm hungry," Dwalin snapped, "not weak." He dusted himself off. "Tell me you weren't singing such ridiculous…"
Bilbo chuckled. "I couldn't come up with anything else fast enough. One was about to eat Bombur."
Dwalin shook his head. "Calling spiders Attercop…that was stupid."
"Like you said: we're all hungry. Besides, it got their temper flaring and themselves away from here—"
"They're back!"
Bilbo winced. "That was faster than I had hoped." He chewed his tongue, brow furrowed. "Okay, everyone get in the clearing and grab a rock to throw. Aim for the head, if you can. I'm going to disappear for a moment and draw them off. You need to run in the opposite direction when you get the chance—"
Dwalin seized his shoulder. "What the bloody hell are you—"
"We don't have time to fight about this!" Bilbo shouted, pulling a ring from his pocket. He slid it on his finger and vanished.
"This way!" Balin shouted, leading the group away into the darkness. They picked up stones and threw them at the furious spiders spurred on by Bilbo's insults. Dwalin heard a clicking sound and turned around to see a spider advancing on the three young ones.
"Fili, Kili, Ori!" he shouted, brandishing his war hammer, "Duck!" The boys obeyed and he swung, bashing the screaming spider away.
"Run!" Bofur shouted, pushing Ori ahead.
The rest followed in suit, breaking through the branches. Dwalin skidded to a halt, looking behind them.
"Brother, we can't delay!"
"Bilbo—"
"I'm here." Bilbo appeared on their left. His dagger brandished in his hand. "Keep going! We've almost lost them." While the others ran, Dwalin did not, his hammer gripped in his hands.
Another spider approached and Bilbo brandished his dagger at it. It paused and the others behind it chittered. Bilbo stepped forward, the spiders backed away, crouching. He slashed the air and the spiders ran.
Once sure the spiders would not return, Dwalin seized Bilbo around the waist and ran. Bilbo clutched the dagger tightly in both hands.
"Thank Mahal!" Balin said. "I thought we lost you."
"Well, you didn't," Dwalin huffed, setting Bilbo down.
He sheathed his dagger and stretched. "Is that a count of two or three times I saved your arses?" he asked cheekily.
"Rather than taunt," Dwalin snapped, "Rid yourself of your adrenaline by hacking a tree with your letter opener."
"Sting just saved us all, so shut up. My sword isn't a letter opener," Bilbo snapped back, heading to the nearest tree.
"Or you could tell us about your disappearing act," Balin suggested.
Bilbo paused. He turned around and blinked. "Erm…well…" He began his tale in Goblin Town, falling off the edge and surviving the fall, engaging a seemingly cannibalistic creature he had dubbed Gollum in a game of riddles and winning the ring as well as having the vile creature lead him the way out.
After the tale, everyone silenced and some were drifting to sleep. Dwalin pulled Bilbo aside. "Why didn't you mention this before?"
Bilbo bit his cheek. "I forgot..."
"Forgot?"
"Well, after I found you all again, we were a bit busy running from Orcs and trying not to get eaten by Wargs and then I was trying not to die in I don't know how many ways, and then I was holding on for dear life atop an Eagle and then everything calmed down and...yeah, I think forgetting is a reasonable thing to happen. It's good I remembered I had it, though..."
Dwalin sighed. Irked though he was, he was glad for the ring's existence. Satisfied with this explanation, he did a quick headcount and frowned. "Where's Thorin?" he asked.
Those drifting woke again, looking about for their missing leader.
"I swear I got everyone!" Bilbo shouted at them when they accused him of leaving Thorin behind. "I swear it! I didn't see Thorin anywhere with the Spiders—"
"What about the Elves?" Bombur suggested. "Maybe he's with them."
Which, if one thinks about it, is a worse fate. They decided to not assume anything until they found Thorin. Dwalin pulled Bilbo aside. "You're sure he wasn't with us?"
"I'm sure I got everybody who was with the spiders," he assured him. "If Thorin was there, I would have gotten him down to." He silenced, his eyes staring past Dwalin. Dwalin turned around to see an arrow pointed at him, strung to the bow held by an Elf guard. When Dwalin looked next, Bilbo was gone.
Again.