News of Smaug's death the next morning met them with great rejoicing. Four more days led to travelers from Mirkwood and Laketown.
Dwalin watched the encampment below with Balin. "What do you think they want?" Bilbo asked, approaching them.
"Gold," Balin said. "What else? And not theirs to take either."
"Well, I understand why the Elvenking has no claim to it, but don't the men of Laketown need a little gold to rebuild what Smaug had destroyed in his latest attack? Maybe even to rebuild Dale? Make it inhabitable again?"
"That is not for us to decide," Balin said. "But for Thorin."
"Thorin has gone mad," Bilbo snapped. Balin rounded on him, glaring. Dwalin kept his gaze fixed on the camps below. "They need the money. What has possessed him to not give it? Has all charity he once had, little though it may seem to me, fled? Or is greed really the way of Dwarves?"
"What would a Hobbit know?" Balin shouted. Bilbo backed away slightly, startled. "Thorin is our king and I trust his judgment."
Bilbo drew himself up to full height. "I beg your pardon, Brother, but Thorin is your king. Not mine. I owe him no allegiance outside the quest which is over." Dwalin tensed. "Tell my you have not seen him acting off. He keeps digging around the gold like a man possessed! Surely you both have more reason than that. He trusts your word more than mine. I had tried to reason with him already and he would not hear me. He has lost his mind!" Balin strode away. "Balin!"
"Let him be," Dwalin said.
"Why would you let him trust in Thorin when Thorin has all but lost his mind over searching for that damn stone?" Bilbo asked. He stood beside him. "Dwalin, please explain to me what is going on? You've seen it too, haven't you?"
"I have."
Bilbo touched his arm. "Dwalin, look at me and tell me everything is okay. Try to tell me to my face that everything is all right." Dwalin ignored him, pulling away. "Dwalin?"
"Thorin is my king and best friend. Even if you owe him no loyalty, I do."
"I am sorry if you think I've spoken out of turn, but even if I was loyal to Thorin as a subject is to his king, must I also keep my mouth shut when something is clearly wrong?"
"This is normally done, yes."
"Do you feel that if I am not loyal to Thorin, then I am not loyal to you? Nothing could be farther from the truth!" A moment passed in silence. "Dwalin, at least look at me when we're talking." He kept his gaze on the camps below. "Look at me, Dwalin," Bilbo begged. "You think I haven't noticed? Dwalin, look at me! Do you even see me anymore? It's been two days, Love. I'm not wearing my ring, so why…" Bilbo took his hand in both of his. "Is it the gold? Or is it Thorin?" he asked. "Dwalin? I'm sorry if I upset you. I would never ask you to choose between me and Thorin. I love you, but you haven't so much as given me the time of day."
Dwalin still did not comply.
Bilbo released his hand and left.
#
The next morning, they stood behind Thorin as he again argued with Bard, who presented the Arkenstone.
"How did you come by it?" Thorin demanded.
"We did not steal it," Bard assured him.
"I did," Bilbo piped. "I gave it to them." The words hit the company as a tidal wave breaking the shore. Dwalin stared at Bilbo as if he was really seeing him for the first time. "It seemed like the right thing to do," he said, "Considering no one would listen to reason when I tried to present it."
Thorin seized him, shaking him. Bilbo kicked and thrashed, tearing at Thorin's hands. "You rat! You—you undersized—burglar!" He held Bilbo over the wall. "I WILL THROW YOU TO THE ROCKS!"
Dwalin could not move. For shock of Bilbo's betrayal or fear of his demise, he could not say. He felt as though the very bones in him had frozen to ice.
Thorin did not do as he had threatened, on behalf of the wizard below. Bilbo left without another word. Thorin paced the treasury, face scrunched in anguish and his hands shook. He turned on Dwalin, slamming his fist into Dwalin's cheek.
"Thorin!" Balin shouted, trying to restrain him.
Thorin pushed him off and hit Dwalin again. Dwalin clenched his fists and his jaw, and allowed Thorin to hit him. Several others tried to pry him off, but Thorin tore out of their grasp and continued to slam his fist into Dwalin's cheek. Dori pulled him off, locking Thorin's arms behind his back.
"Why are you here?" Thorin shouted at him. "Why do you stay here when I threatened the life of your One? Why do you not threaten my life for what I did?" His voice calmed to a sort of choking sound, thick and heavy. "I almost killed your husband, so why have you not left?"
Dwalin looked at his feet. "I don't know."
"Did I not tell you I would make you rue it if you dared hurt him again?"
"I'm not the one who hurt him this time," Dwalin spat. He sighed. "At least…I'm not the only one who hurt him…" Dwalin left the treasury, leaning against the wall outside. He still felt numb from all that had passed.
Look at me!
Why do you not go to him?
Dwalin closed his eyes, hiding behind his hand. Without another word to anyone, he left the mountain. Night closed around them by the time he arrived in the camp. "Halt!" He did so. The guards approached. Dwalin held his hands up to show he had no weapons and slowly brought them to his hood. "You are one of the Dwarves in the Mountain."
"I was. I would like words with the Hobbit."
"And what words would you exchange with him?"
Dwalin gnashed his teeth. Men were not kind to same-sex relationships. They did not like what they did not understand. "Words of peace," he said. "I mean only to apologize on my King's behalf, and on my own."
"It's all right. Let him in." Bilbo stepped closer. "Your king would do well to give his apologies himself, but I will listen to yours." Dwalin approached.
Bilbo's eyes are red rimmed and puffy, but it was unnoticeable in the dark. He led Dwalin to a tent, empty save for a cot piled with blankets. No words came. Not yet.
"Bilbo—" A cup flew at him, Dwalin ducked.
"How dare you come here! How dare you! Go back to the Mountain and leave me alone!"
Dwalin seized Bilbo's wrists. Bilbo tried to pull out of Dwalin's significantly stronger grasp. Dwalin pulled him closer, kissing him despite the pain it gave from the forming bruises Thorin gifted him.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, my treasure. I'm so sorry," he whispered, afraid to let Bilbo go. Dwalin fell to his knees. "Forgive me, though why should I be forgiven for ignoring you as I did?"
Bilbo had stopped struggling, opting to glare at Dwalin instead. "I'm still waiting for your case, Dwalin. As you have said, why should I forgive you? Have I ever once been disloyal to you? Have I done something to justify your actions of late?" Bilbo's voice shook. Perhaps from rage. Perhaps from sorrow. Dwalin thought it was most likely both. "Thorin was about to kill me and you just stood there and watched! Earlier, I begged you to look at me because you had not done so for days! I had thought we had gone back to where we began before the Thunder Battle!"
"Bilbo, I was horrified when he did that. I could not move and I regret not doing something. As for before, I have no justification for that. I do not know what came over me."
"I DO!" Bilbo screamed, pounding his fists on Dwalin's chest. "IT WAS THE BLASTED, THRICE-ACCURSED GOLD! I AM YOUR HUSBAND, FOR THE LOVE OF THE VALAR! I THOUGHT THAT MEANT SOMETHING TO YOU! OR WAS I THE ONLy…the only one who…who…" Bilbo pressed his face against Dwalin's neck, his small body convulsing and broken sobs escaping his throat. "I loved you," Bilbo wept. "How could you?" Dwalin's throat felt constricted. "I thought you loved me too."
"I do love you," Dwalin said, pushing him back so he could look at him. "I do love you, Bilbo. I want to make it up to you, if I can." He wiped away Bilbo's tears with his thumbs.
Bilbo pulled away again, shying away from Dwalin's touch. Though he wanted to pull him back into his embrace, Dwalin let him escape. Bilbo crossed his arms, staring at the floor. More tears stained his flushed cheeks and his deep red lips gasped for air that would not come easily. Mucus dripped from his nose.
Dwalin sighed. "You are angry. I know you are angry You have every right to be angry. I have not been a good husband from the start of this journey, though I have tried. Bilbo, I have tried and I will always try to do better than I have been. I cannot promise to be perfect or ideal. But I am in love with you and you hold my heart. You have been far more careful with me than I have been with you…" He felt he was ranting. Would anything he said reach Bilbo or did it fall on the deaf ears of his furious husband? "I am sorry I did not stop Thorin. I am sorry I ignored you. I am sorry I took so long to follow you. I am sorry I let you come on this quest. I am sorry you—"
"I chose you. So don't say you're sorry I married you. I chose you, Dwalin, and then I fell in love with you. I don't even know if I would have fallen in love with you if not for our marriage. Or do you know if we'd be here now if we were never wed?"
Dwalin could not say they would. If they had not wed, Thorin would have felt free to pursue Bilbo and probably would have. Thorin would have been here instead if he was able to swallow his pride long enough to grovel at Bilbo's feet.
Which, being Thorin, didn't seem likely…
"I should have married someone who I could trust with my heart," Bilbo spat.
Dwalin's chest felt it had been fitted in armor far too tight. His blood felt cold. In two strides, he could be close enough to seize Bilbo and—
He schooled his rage. "Do you regret marrying me?" Why am I digging this hole?
"Right now, yes," Bilbo admitted. "You chose Thorin over me when he could not be trusted. You chose gold over me. How can I trust you love me as you say you do when you have proven more than once that words have no meaning when they come out of duty?"
Dwalin approached, seizing Bilbo's shoulders. Bilbo gasped, looking at him with wide eyes.
"Bilbo Baggins, I have not lied to you once!" he barked. "My marriage to you was not out of duty! I easily could have said no! I easily could have kept my mouth shut! I have been nothing but honest about how I feel for you! I love you! I am honored to call you my husband! More than I thought I would be!" His grip slackened. "I'm here now," he said softly. "I know forgiveness is a long ways away, but I am with you. I will not and cannot say I never felt regret, but as I am now, I can't regret our marriage at all. I have changed in ways I had not expected to change. Bilbo," he released one of Bilbo's arms, cupping his cheek. "Let me fix what I broke. Will you let me make it right again? I don't want to lose you when I'm still learning all there is about you."
Bilbo leaned against him, whimpering. Dwalin picked him up and sat on the cot, rocking Bilbo in his arms.