Chapter Sixteen
He's cold when he wakes up, which shouldn't be possible considering he fell asleep with Kenma's jacket on, while nuzzling into Kenma. His face flushes with that realization, but the rest of him is too cold to really complain. Hinata rubs his legs together, silently praying that the hairs will finally grow in, he moves down to tug at the hem of his jacket and is startled when something stops him. Kenma had never woken up before him before, he tilts his head up a fraction, vaguely aware of how little he has to adjust to look into Kenma's eyes.
Kenma's eyes are glowing, and his eyebrows are bundle wrinkles on the bridge of it. Most importantly, Kenma looks angry. Angry at him. He swallows, the blood that had pooled in his cheeks evaporating as he look in his friend's face. "Kenma?" He asks, quietly, his lungs feeling empty without cause. Kenma is frozen, still staring, then Hinata is hit with the full force of the other's look. "Shouyou, will you be honest with me?" Kenma's voice is clear, likes he's already been up for a long time, but Hinata is more perplexed by the question. He nods, and his next breath wheezes out of him, "O-of course, why wouldn't I be?"
Kenma nods, eyes still locked onto his, "What is this?" What is what? Then there's burning where there used be ice, he doesn't have to look down, but his head tilts as Kenma's eyes shift down his form. Kenma's hand rests in the dark puddle that Grand King had left on his skin, his palm not quite reaching the most blunt part, but his fingers span all the way around. He hisses when Kenma squeezes around it. "Explain." Kenma's voice makes his throat do funny things, he's scared. Shouldn't be, Kenma would never hit me.
But he could leave me, he gasps when the burning on his hip is amplified by another squeeze, "Wa-I-I-" He swallows nothing but air, "I'm sorry." It's quiet, he's guilty and doesn't know why. His eyes move away from Kenma's hand, away from the other boy entirely until hes staring at the wall. Kenma's quiet for too long, and he's left wondering if he just imagined this whole scenario, but can still feel the weight of Kenma's hand on him and his lungs burn almost as much as his skin does.
It's gone, all at once, and his body is shifted, tugged and pulled until he's sitting up. His head spins and forces his eyes shut, "I'm sorry." It comes out as a gasp, straight into Kenma's neck, he can feel the muscles working under his chin. Kenma's hands travel the span of his back, rubbing circles into his spine. He apologizes again, but Kenma hushes him, and continues rubbing. "Just like yesterday. In. Out." He can feel Kenma's ribs press against his, and tries to mimic the movement but his chest refuses to expand.
"Please don't hate me." He's crying now, his difficult respiration stuttering with each inhale, "Please-please don't hate me." He begs into Kenma's shoulder, but the other boy doesn't say anything besides instructions. He doesn't want to breathe, he wants to be accepted. Kenma doesn't give up, and Hinata quits talking, just following the other's instructions while tears burn his eyes. "I'm sorry." He says, louder now that breathing is under control.
"I don't- I could never hate you," Kenma swallows, and then he lets out a low sigh that Hinata is sure he's not supposed to hear, "I just want to know why." It's a simple request, that sounds more like a plea than it did before. Hinata shrugs, "Did Oikawa leave them?" The setter's name is filled with acid that sends his lungs to a halt. He nods, too focused on breathing to talk again. Kenma sighs, louder this time. "Did you-Did he?" Kenma trails off, sounding frustrated at his lack of words. "Did he force you?" Kenma's looking away from him, but he can spot the bubbling hatred in Kenma's eyes when he pulls away, he shakes his head. "Grand King asked me out." He supplies, but Kenma says nothing.
"Did he do other things?" Kenma's looking at him now, studying him the same way that Grand King has in the past, memories of Grand King's hands on his body dance across his skin, his thighs press together as he recalls the last time instance of Grand King's touch. He nods, looking at Kenma's face but not into his gaze. The prominent ridge of Kenma's neck bobs slowly, his lips are set into a grim line, "Why did you kiss me?" The question throws him off, and now he's frowning. Isn't it obvious?
"I think," he can almost hear Tsukishima laugh when he pauses, "I think I like you." He says it all at once, and his gut is lighter at an instant, but Kenma's silence starts to fill his bloodstream with cement the admission weighing him down more than if he had said nothing. Kenma leans back, making a void between them, "Shouyou." Kenma says, then nothing else. It's spoken without infliction and he can't interpret much from it, the nothingness fills him with dread.
He leans back too, not sure how to deal with the wall that Kenma put between them, "If you-If you want to stop being friends, I get it." He doesn't get it, doesn't want to get it, ever. He keeps talking instead of running like his brain urges him to, "It's fine, I shouldn't have- I mean, you were nice to me and I- I took advantage of that. I'm-" Sorry. His lips form the words, but nothing comes out, but something returns with his intake of air.
Kenma's in front of him, the void no longer existent as Kenma's lips push against his. He's not sure how to react, he expected Kenma to remain silent as he grabbed his things and left. He's kissing me. He's not sure what it means, acceptance or a goodbye kiss, and his eyes burn as he weighs the options. Why is he kissing me? Tears roll down his face again, and he's filled with anger at the sensation, why am I so weak? Kenma pulls back before he has an answer, "Let me protect you, Shouyou."
He freezes, Kenma wants to protect me. Hinata doesn't know what he needs protecting from, but he's nodding, too scared to reject Kenma's mercy on him. "I'm sorry." He whispers, over and over, but Kenma's arms wrap around him until he runs out of words. "You don't have to be strong around me." He doesn't know what those words mean, but Kenma's tone, strong and caring, have him nodding. "You don't hate me?" He needs to know, even if Kenma is tired of answering it. Kenma laughs, it's the first time he's heard it and it's beautiful, "Very much the opposite, especially when you made me that pie." He can hear Kenma's smile, with too white teeth that everyone in Tokyo has, but Kenma's is special. Kenma's smile is for him.
"Speaking of pie," Kenma says after a long time of sharing space and three -four- kisses, "I think it's breakfast time." He's laughing then, feeling warm for the first time, and follows the other boy off the bed. "Are you suggesting that we have pie for breakfast, Kenma-senpai?" He asks, ever so innocently. The other boy snorts at the name, or maybe the tone, "Don't you think that's setting a bad example for impressionable teens?" Kenma stops on the stairs, turns back at him and stares. "Well, kouhai, I happen to know that pie for breakfast makes you good at volleyball, guaranteed." There's a smile, small but warm, like Kenma's jacket, and only for him.
Hinata hums loudly in thought as he follows Kenma into the kitchen, "Well, having someone teach you volleyball is also a way to improve." It's more of a challenge than anything, but the way Kenma's eyes slant tells him that he's not playing the game. "We have church to go to, and you have a train to catch." He wants to inform Kenma that he doesn't want to participate in either of those tasks, but there's a spoon being shoved into his mouth so he doesn't get a chance.
"My my," A voice, the wonderful, amazing, stunning Aki-chan's voice to be specific, cuts into silence where he'd been contemplating kissing pie from Kenma's cheek. They both turn around, synced through their time together, "Good morning, Kozume-san!" He chirps, trying to sound like he wasn't just about to kiss her son but he's not sure how to sounds like anything but that. Hers lips twitch at his greeting, "You're in a good mood." She notes, her gaze flicking between the two of them, and he swallows around pie and nervousness. He nods and smiles, "W-would you like some breakfast?" He freezes right after he speaks, I just offered breakfast to someone in their own home. His cheeks redden as her lips tug into a grin, "Perhaps another time, when Kenma isn't indulging you on sweets." There's no bite in her words, but her eyes reflect something else. "How did you sleep?" It's a customary question, but his eyes are forced to the floor, trying to think of something to say besides, I cuddled against your son.
"Shouyou had another panic attack." Tattletale. He's grateful though, Kenma's mother looks like the kind of person to get answers through any means necessary, her hips frown like they did the morning before with the news. "Must be an anxiety disorder." She hums softly in thought, but Hinata's gut drops at disorder. The words makes him uncomfortable in reference to himself. "You should probably-" her words cut off for the first time since they've met, "Probably ask about your medication." She finishes smoothly, and with a sad smile. Two. Bottle. Anxiety. His hands shake, and not from the pie.
She's talking again, and he's not sure if he wants to listen when her eyes fall onto his, glistening with sympathy, "Your mother really shouldn't have tried to hide your condition from you," Condition. "They can get really out of hand if you're not regularly medicated." He doesn't like the ease with which Kenma's mother speaks, like she wasn't pushing a thousand questions into his head, he tries to simultaneously recall any instance in which his behavior could be considered anxious.
The list is short, and his mouth opens as he tallies them together, "What does anxiety do?" He hates how quiet his voice gets, how choked up the word disorder gets him. You don't have to be strong around me. He looks back at Kenma, who's chewing around a frown. She catches his eye before she starts talking, "Inability to sleep, fatigue, difficulty concentrating, panic attacks, fear of people." She lists them off as if it's a daily occurrence, then he realizes it probably is. Psychiatrist.
"How can you not sleep but be fatigued?" He asks instead of, can you cure me? Her smiles is colder than the one he'd gotten earlier, "The brain is like that sometimes," her nail taps on her chin for a moment, but she doesn't say anything. "It's like when you want to spike, but the ball is off." It's Kenma who speaks, his eyes are dark, and he offers a smile when he notices that Hinata is staring at him. "You just keep trying?" He inputs, because he would never stop after one failed spike.
Kenma and his mother laugh, and the tension eases from his brain when the topic of what's wrong with Shouyou is no longer discussed, "Your father came home last night?" Kenma's mother asks, her phone in her palm, Kenma hums around a spoonful of pie, the smudge is gone from his cheek and Hinata is left disappointed. Kenma raises a brow at his frown, he just smiles, "Oh dear." He remembers Kenma's mother, feels his face heat up, but her eyes aren't on them and he can breath again. "He played that game for four hours?" Her tone makes the statement serious, but Hinata just wants to laugh. Kenma confirms and she sighs, "Honestly, you're both going to need glasses before you're twenty." She clicks her tongue, but she's smiling now, he can tell that Haruo is saying all sorts of gushy stuff through the phone. "You're going home today, Hinata-kun?" Her eyes on him all at once, he barely catches a glimpse of her in-love face before it mellows into a regular smile, he nods.
"I wish I could stay longer, it's really nice here, thank you for having me!" He bows deeply, and only for a moment, before he's giving her a smile. He feels empty and full inside, I'm not who I thought I was, but now I have Kenma. She blinks, and her neck lowers, "It was a pleasure having you, I trust my son to make good friends, so this home will be open to you whenever you want it." It's his turn to blink. Twice. "You mean that?" It's quiet, uncertain, Kenma had offered him strength when he was weak, now she offered him a home. Too nice, even when they're glaring. She's moving away, towards the door with a hum in acknowledgement, "I like the hair by the way!" She calls from the door before it slams.
His face is hot again, and he tugs at the dark bangs, he turns to Kenma, who has a different container open now, "Your- You guys are really nice." Kenma makes a weird noise in his throat, then another one, and then he's coughing loudly and Hinata is panicking, slapping his hands on Kenma's back, he's waved off after a powerful one and he relents. "Sorry." He murmurs, only half sympathetic. Kenma clicks his tongue, and he has to comment further, "Even if you guys look really mean, you're still nice." And then he's running as Kenma tries to stab him with a stray chopstick.
Hinata feels weird being in a Tokyo church, everyone is either smiling with too white teeth, the teeth people here must make a lot, or glaring at everything in sight. He borrowed church appropriate clothing from Kenma, since all of his clothes were damp and far too casual. What do you mean you can't wear volleyball clothes to church, Kenma? But he did pull on Kenma's volleyball jacket and that seemed to shut the other boy up. Kenma's hair was combed neatly, bright blond hair tucked behind his ears, he had a jacket that looked uncomfortable but was quite soft, Hinata might have held onto the corner of it while Kenma led them to church.
The atmosphere is uncomfortable, maybe it's the residual guilt from having spent the morning kissing another man, and he can't think of another reason, besides the heavily contrasting faces that surround him. He's mortified when the pastor, an old woman with grey hair and creepy, all seeing eyes, points at him during the middle of a chant. "You boy, you're new here, aren't 'cha?" Her voice interrupts the loud praying of everyone in the building. He looks down, feigning shy instead of terrified, but Kenma, I take back what I said about being nice, stand up next to him, "Yes, Masuyo-sensei!" He bellows, his expression is almost blank, but friendly and Hinata wants to murder him. Strength my fucking ass, I swear to fucking- Right Church..
He's pushed in front of a crowd of at least one hundred people, all of them staring at him, with their unsettling faces, he stutters out a formal greeting, not even attempting to disguise his accent. "Why don't you introduce yourself, boy?" He blinks, glares at Kenma, who's sitting in the back, looking rather smug. "H-yes, uh-" He turns from the old woman, his limbs feeling heavy and his breath even heavier, You don't have to be strong. "Hello, my name is Hinata Shouyou, thank you for-having me here!" He bows, it sends the air rushing from his lungs and it doesn't come back.
The pastor only just starts speaking again before he's running towards Kenma, "In. Out." The older boy hums into his ear, dragging fingers around his back. The icy appendages shouldn't be as comforting as they are, and he's able to breathe again before everyone stands, that was fast. He stands with Kenma, keeping a grasp on his jacket pocket because if Kenma wanted to embarrass him he was coming with. He's left, confused, as nobody but him moves towards the door.
Then the singing happens. He's caught between a laugh and a very long sigh. He didn't know most of the words to songs he actually liked, let alone songs about Jesus. He kind of just made noise, humming softly while moving his lips, Kenma seemed to know what he was doing. As usual. His voice was deeper singing than when he was speaking, or volunteering for public humiliation. He could really understand any of the words, at least one hundred voices overlapping one another in attempt to show their God the most love.
Hinata's exhausted by the time Kenma's pocket leads them out of the building, he's pulled along paths of endless concrete and stares at Kenma's face the entire time. He wonders if there's a rule about distance from church that you have to be before kissing another male. He decides that two blocks is enough, they're stopped at a crosswalk, Kenma staring at the sign above their heads, and Hinata staring at him. He leans up on his toes, and gives Kenma's cheek a peck where the pie smudge had been earlier that morning.
Kenma reacts slowly, he looks at him, their eyes are almost level like this, and then a flush spreads across his cheeks. Hinata laughs, tugs on Kenma's jacket as the other people start to move across the street. "Why did you do that, Shouyou?" Kenma sounds more offended than he should, he shrugs, "Sorry, Kenma-senpai, I'll never disgrace you in public again." He says as seriously as possible, but Kenma just glares at him, then swoops down, offering him the same as soon as they're back on the sidewalk.
"We should get you to the station." Kenma sounds breathless, but all they've been doing is walking and praying, Hinata's face drops at the suggestion. Sundays are his mother's only day off, and he has to speak with her about the pills, about everything. "Kenma?" He asks quietly, "Will you come with me?" He looks away from Kenma's surprised expression, "Wa-I don't think that's a good idea, you should talk to her, Shouyou." It feels harsher than it should be, I'll be strong for us both. "I don't want to!" His yelling, knows that he's yelling, can feel his words buzzing in his ears. His words don't sound like lies, but they are. He wants to talk to her, wants to scream and cry at her, for doing this to him. For lying. But he's also scared, scared without Kenma, that he won't even get the courage to look his mother in the eyes.
"I need you there." It's more truth than he wants it to be, he needs Kenma with him, to stay strong, to make sure he doesn't explode. Kenma looks like he might say no, "You said you'd be strong for me. I don't think I can do this alone." His nose burns with his eyes, and he presses them into Kenma's jacket, terrified of acceptance. More terrified of Kenma telling him no.
He doesn't say no, or anything, "If you need me." And Kenma's hands are rubbing on his shoulders, probably trying to push him away before he gets snot and tears all over his jacket, but the pressure never comes the way he expects it. "Strong for Shouyou." He nods, out of things to say. Kenma leads him back to his house, he's still holding onto Kenma's jacket, even when the older boy tells him that he's taking it off. "Shouyou." Then his hands are open, and rough warmth replaces the smoothness he had been holding onto. He looks down at his hand, Kenma's fingers are twisted with his. He squeezes, pressing Kenma's clammy palm against his, and smiles up at him. He wonders if Kenma will ever deny him this way, giving him as much physical attention as he wants, he certainly hopes not.
Kenma gives him kisses in place of their hands being locked, every fourteen and a half seconds, not that he's counting. They're resting against each other, or he is at least, pressed into Kenma's spread legs, Kenma's firm stomach serving as a pillow for his back, his neck a guide for his head. He's playing Animal Crossing, giving Kageyama-cat a very ugly shirt he found in a tree. Kenma is playing that game, the one that had given him nightmares, his face is blank as if bored by the hellish screams his game emits.
He stares up at Kenma from under his chin, Kenma's eyes are on his game, but he's pretty sure the other boy knows what happening. "Kenma." He half sings, and the screams stop abruptly and then Kenma is staring down at him. "Can I kiss you?" Kenma snorts, then nods, the noises resume and Hinata is careful as he crawls up Kenma's body until their faces are level. He pecks Kenma's cheek, careful not to block the other boy's view, then on his forehead, then licks Kenma's cheek. The older boy's entire body shudders under him and the game pauses, so Kenma can glare at him before wiping his cheek.
They stay like that for as long as possible, the only train that fully rides to Miyagi leaves at two and Kenma makes sure he's packed by then. He tells Kenma he deserves a reward for packing all of his things, but Kenma just stares at him around a spoonful of pie, "No." He says after swallowing, but he's moving forward, giving him kisses on his lips until the pout is gone. "We're gonna miss the train." Kenma says, nearly breathless again, and he nods. He's apprehensive about seeing his mother, talking about his disorder and about his hair, he tugs on the bangs and seeks out Kenma's hand as soon as they're out of the gate.
Kenma scrolls through his phone while they walk down the street, but he's still aware of their surroundings as they weave through streams of suits and stay briefcases. Kenma doesn't even look out for the ticket attendant, just hopes the gap from station to train and finds a seat. Hinata glances around, then leaps the gap, then sits next to Kenma. He leans against the older boy when the train starts to move, and thinks about the events that will follow this and his body slowly fills with dread as he imagines each scenario. His mother and Natsu screaming at him, telling him to leave, to never come back. Natsu telling him that he's no longer her big brother. Natsu hating him, calling him a freak, calling him a slut. His mother telling him that he's crazy, that he's a bad son.
He's not aware of the moment he can no longer breathe, but can feel Kenma's gaze fall onto him, then warm, clammy hands work under his clothes and rub at his back. "In. Out. Shouyou." He nods, but he's not seeing Kenma as much as he sees his family rejecting him. His thoughts stops the train in Miyagi too soon, Kenma's hand was a hot spot against his back, the contact never breaking long after Hinata had found his breathe. "I'm scared." He admits, to himself more than Kenma, as they start the long walk to his house. The older boy doesn't say anything, just holds onto him, leading him home when he'd rather be anywhere else.
The door's unlocked, always has been, but listening to the doorknob twist makes his throat tight. He grabs onto Kenma's hand before the door is pushed in, "I don't think I can do this." Another admission that he doesn't want, Kenma's fingers just roll over his spine, "I'm sorry, Shouyou." He snorts, I'm being a baby and you're sorry. There's a spike of guilt in his stomach when Kenma looks down at him, but they don't go inside until he nods. Kenma leads him in, they take off their shoes in silence and he's left to wonder if anyone is actually home.
Natsu, Sato, and his mother are sitting on the floor in front of the TV, and when Kenma leads them around the corner, three pairs of eyes shift onto him. It's quiet for a moment, and he wonders if this is actually happening, then his mother is screaming, "Shouyou, what the hell did you do to your hair?" He winces, but his gaze is on Natsu, who's covering his ears as their mother starts yelling. She's standing at once, stalking towards him, he can see her nose flaring in the dark room and then she's looming over him.
"Mom," his voice is weak and Kenma's hand finds his, "I-can I talk to you?" His mother looks like she wants to spit in his face, scream some more, but takes in a deep breath that sounds like a growl, then nods. "Sato, can you take Natsu out for ice cream?" His mother's tone is sweeter than he thought it could ever be, the dark haired caretaker doesn't say anything as she stands, pulls Natsu onto her hip and scoots past them. Neither of them say anything to him, and his stomach squirms as it fills with shame.
His mom retreats back into the living room, settles on a cushion on one side of the table, Kenma leads him to the other side and gently pushes him down. He's glad for the distance that the table provides, and he glances up at his mom, but she's glaring at Kenma. "Mom-" He swallows, trying to catch a breath he didn't notice he lost, "Why did you lie?" He asks, suddenly but it gives him no relief. She blinks, face softening, "About what, Shouyou?" She sounds close to tears and he thinks that's unfair.
"About my disorder." Kenma's hand squeezes his when he speaks, but he's staring at his mom, waiting for another lie or maybe a fight. His mom snorts, then glares down at him, "It would have scared Natsu if she found out about what you are." Her words are cold, giving him a new meaning. What I am. "So- you don't care about me. As much as Natsu?" It's a childish question, who do you love more? He knows it'll be Natsu, can feel it in his blood, but his mom just laughs. "I care about you both, but I don't want Natsu catching your problems, can't have two freaks in this house." He flinches at her words, eyes suddenly itchy.
"How long?" His voice is hoarse and he wonders if he'll have to repeat himself, but his mom is speaking again when he looks up, "Since your dad died, you were always a little off, it got worse when he- after the accident." He nods, but he's shaking now. He doesn't want to remember that. The warm smiles that fade to grey with rain, the smell of dirt. He swallows, always a little off, "So you just decided to sneak me pills instead of explaining?" He's shouting now, it echoes on the walls, and then everything is quiet for a long time.
"Is that what this is about?" She snorts, sounding disgusted, "If you can hide them from Natsu, you can have them; but if she finds out. you're out of here." He's stunned by her words, anger dissipating instantly. she'd really kick me out for this? He looks at Kenma, the older boy is visibly shaking, he's not sure why. Everything feels fuzzy and he nods, looking at the table instead of his mom. "Do you hate me? It tumbles out before he can help it, her face is blurry in front of him and he swipes at his eyes roughly. She snorts, a disgusting noise that sends stops his heart, "I don't hate you, I just don't care." He blinks at that, he can't figure out which is worse. Kenma's hand is sweating against his, and he squeezes at it. The other boy eases slightly, but still looks like he might jump out of his skin and across the table.
"Wa-I- I think I need to be alone." His mom huffs and leans back, can feel her gaze as he avoids hers and pulls Kenma towards the door. He's holding back all the emotions that try to explode out as he ties his shoe, then slams the door as soon as Kenma is out of its path. He breaks down then, buries his face in Kenma's shirt and starts to cry. The older boy shushes him, and rubs hands down his back as they walk somewhere. He's not sure his heart will beat the right way, but Kenma's palm tries to restore rhythm. He's not sure he wants it.
He's not sure where to go, not home, never again, but there's not exactly a place to can collapse and never move again. He decides that Kenma's arm are as good a place as any, presses against him and sobs, lungs crackling with each breath he doesn't want. "What do I do?" He asks when his throat isn't too tight, his voice comes out like he's choking still, and he can still feel it. Kenma sighs, pulls his head onto his lap, strokes his hair as he breaks down. "I don't know- I didn't think-" He understands, he didn't think in his worst fears that his mother would speak to him like that. Freak. His lip quivers, wanting to say something to make Kenma stop frowning down at him.
It's dark when his eyes dry up, they're closed, pressed into Kenma's lap. "Is she right?" He asks eventually, and Kenma's hands freeze in his hair, "No." It's a hiss, a promise. He wants to believe it. Freak. He whines, feeling pathetic. "We can't stay here, Shouyou." He flinches at that, relaxing when Kenma's hands start working again. "Where do we go?" It's late, there won't be another train for hours and he's not sure his legs will work. Kenma makes a soft noise, "No idea." He's leaning back now, staring down at him with a pain in his eyes that he doesn't deserve. "Please don't cry, Kenma." He rasps out, certain if Kenma cries over him that he'll break down again.
Kenma huffs out a laugh, "I'm just worried about you." I just don't care. He nods, "I'm hungry." He whines, hoping that full will pull his thoughts from his condemnation. Kenma smiles down at him now, "Well, it's a good thing I brought you here then." He doesn't know where here is, but he's being pulled to his feet. He's surprised when they're halfway steady under him as the older boy leads him into a familiar set of doors. The walk to the counter of slow, Ukai's gaze is equally as slow, lurches over his body. His red jacket with number five on it, the tear and snot tracks no doubt leading down his face, he can feel his eyes starting to swell. "Hi coach." He clears his throat and repeats himself when Ukai just stares at him.
"You okay, kid?" Ukai's voice is in a tone he's never heard before, soft, careful. He nods, after Kenma's hand squeezes his, "Just hungry, I guess." He can feel himself smiling, but it's empty. Ukai makes a soft noise, then there's a bag in front of him. "It's a little late for a snack, shouldn't you boys be home?" He flinches at his coach's words and his knees start to tremble. "No, I don't think so." He's quiet, silent as he puts down a stack of bills, not bothering to count them. He takes the bag in his free hand and leads Kenma from the store.
They're back on the bench, there's food being pushed into his mouth, and he chews it. Swallows but the feeling of emptiness doesn't go away. "I can't go back." Kenma's quiet as he talks, "I don't want to go back." That's half the truth, "But wa- I can't leave Natsu." Kenma's sighing, "There's a train in an hour, you can stay with me until you figure something out." I'll be strong for you. "What about the pills?" Kenma blinks, "What about them?"
"Your mom said I needed them or it'd get worse." Kenma nods, eyes lighting up with recognition, then narrowing in irritation. "I'll get them." But he's shaking his head, "I should do this. Say goodbye, for now at least." Kenma sighs against him, but he nods, "It'll be fine, Shouyou, I'm here for you." He's not sure he deserves it, any of the gestures that Kenma does for him.
The walk back to his home is slow, Kenma holds his hand the entire time, not quite leading but not dragging him down, they walk side by side and say nothing. "Why doesn't she care?" He asks when the house comes into view. Kenma doesn't say anything, and he pulls his hand away, "I'll be back." He walks off, leaving the older boy to watch over him from the street. The walk to the door is even slower, his feet are dragging and his head is heavy. Freak. Always a little off. Out of here. He slaps his face, and he feels something for the first time since he left here.
He almost knocks on the door, asking for permission, and maybe forgiveness, but he just walks in. Sato and Natsu aren't back yet, just his mom sits in front of the TV, then she's looking at him. "Did you actually cry about it?" She's laughing, and each second that passes weighs him down, "I'm just here for my things." Her eyes gleam then, but he's sure it's just his imagination. She doesn't hate me. "Pills are on the counter." She shrugs, turning away from him. He nods to himself. She just doesn't care. He walks past her, stops in the hallway, stares at the door of Natsu's room for a long time before turning away from it.
He grabs some clothes, his phone charger, a picture of him and Natsu, stuffs it into a bag then shuts the door behind him. He wonders if it's the last time he'll be in his home. Probably, he decides, then walks into the kitchen, the pills glow under the ceiling lights. Bright orange. He's left thinking of his sister, she's the only one with that hair now. He stuffs them into his bag, hates the sound they make as he walks away. He freezes in front of his mother, "I-Tell Natsu that-" I love her. I'm sorry. I'll miss her. I'll be back. "Never mind." He huffs, her tongue clicks. She glares at him as he walks out. I just don't care.
Kenma's on the porch when he closes the door, sitting on the lone step, his phone lighting up his face. "Let's go." His voice is stronger than he think it should be, but he's not thinking about it for long, Kenma's long fingers wrap around his hand, ties them together. He feels guilty, for leaching Kenma's strength, for forcing him into housing him. They walk back to the station in silence, Kenma's clicking away on his phone, giving him time to think. Freak. He doesn't like his thoughts.
Kenma pulls him onto the train, he actually bought tickets this time. Sucker. They sit side by side until he climbs on Kenma's lap, pressing his face into Kenma's neck. You don't have to be strong. It's raining when they get back into Tokyo, it's a welcoming distraction. He embraces the cold that the water forces into his bones, he follows Kenma silently, feeling lighter in the other boy's hand than he has since arriving in Miyagi.
Haruo's not smiling when walk into Kenma's house. Hinata feels sick, dashes into the bathroom, meat buns and acid find their way into the toilet. He's crying again, feeling weak all over. Kenma's hand settles on his shivering shoulders. Kenma's lips slot onto his cheek. "I'm sorry." He gasps, wiping vomit from his lip. Kenma doesn't say anything, just pulls his soaking clothes off. He's wiped down, warm, uncomfortably warm. Fabric is pulled onto his body, but he's numb to the feeling.
Kenma's chest is warm against his back as he passes out.
A/N: Next chapter will probably be another POV chapter.