Chapter Seventeen: Aki I
Kozume Aki was a lot of things, reminds herself everyday that her worth is valid, that she's allowed to be in love and that she's allowed to live. It's weird, she realizes, how similar we are. The orange -now black- haired boy her youngest son brought home, stuttering but polite. Doesn't miss the look on her child's face, of course, not even the sun could distract her from that. Smart. Kenma had told her all about his new friend, with slight persuasion, more allowance usually got her anything from her son. Ten years of church was proof enough of that.
Hinata Shouyou was almost like two people mashed into one, the bright, flustered boy, and then the scared child that flinches when his head is touched. It took eight years in university to realize that people aren't always two people, Hinata Shouyou was a human and had human emotions that spanned from happy to sad and could he could feel anything and everything differently in a moment's notice. It's endearing, Kenma having a friend, Hinata Shouyou having Kenma.
Beautiful. Kenma's self-worth had been defined by the acceptance of his peers for a long, long time. "I don't want them to talk to me, just to like me." She had frowned then, wondering if these were early signs, but now she looked back at that memory with fondness. It does not escape her notice that Hinata Shouyou is in their home after Sunday, she can feel it in the air for reasons she cannot think of. She realizes that all the lights are off, Kenma had always stayed up ridiculously long during the summer break, always with the light on.
She checks on them after her stockings are off, blasted things, they're close. Too close, she realizes after a moment of staring, their bodies are glowing under the light from the hallway. She tries not to think anything of it, Hinata Shouyou just needed to be comforted. She wants to know why.
The night passes slowly, a bottle of wine slowly turns into a bottle of air as she writes fills in psychological evaluation forms, the words are blurry, but she's been doing this for a long time and can perform the task blindly, like she's doing right now. Her mind wanders, foot tapping curiosity that would make some of her clients throw a tantrum, What was Hinata Shouyou up to? The image of the two boys is burnt into her eyelids, she takes in a new detail with each heavy blink.
Hinata Shouyou was not wearing pants. A skim of her pen, her writing was getting sloppy, considers pouring the last glass down the wine but doesn't. Hinata Shouyou has smooth legs. She doesn't know if that means anything, lots of medication causes unusual symptoms. She lists each one that causes hair loss as she types in each file. Hinata Shouyou has a large bruise on his hip. She'll E-mail these before she leaves for work. She remembers that the small boy plays volleyball, and it's entirely possible that the bruise had come from a fall. Hinata Shouyou didn't limp.
She leans back, computer screen black, wondering if the effort that goes into removing makeup and brushing her teeth is worth it. Decides to just remove the makeup, but while she's here, she might as well brush her teeth. Aki lists her reasons for living while noticing details about the image seared into her eyelids. Hinata Shouyou has bruises on his neck. It wasn't what she had seen in her head, but she had seen them before, knew they were there. Observant.
The bed is cold when she climbs in it, Haruo would be working until morning and would wake her up as he went to sleep. Hinata Shouyou makes noises in his sleep. She counts sleep disorders instead of sheep, wishes for a moment that she didn't have to sleep before she could solve the mystery of her mind.
Hinata Shouyou has another bag. She wakes up with a gasp, startles Haruo. His eyes are rimmed with red, his tired smile gives her answers. "Good morning, my princess." Is cooed into her ear, as it is every morning. Courageous. She pecks his cheek, he pecks back. "Did you hear about Shouyou-chan?" It's mumbled and takes her a long time to decipher the words, she's pulling on another pair of stockings when she gets it. "What about him?" He groans, she must have waken him up.
"Didn't Kenma text you?" His words are slurring, she feels bad, but he can sleep when she gets answers. She shakes her head, but his eyes are closed, "He never texts me when I'm working late." It's not a rule, just an observation that she relayed to him. "Shouyou-chan got kicked out." Her heart freezes, she doesn't know why. Good mother. It's a sick realization, she can't compare herself to another, knowing the details or not. "What?" She cries out, but Haruo is snoring lightly and doesn't rouse.
She's going to be late, Mondays are usually packed with meetings with supervisors and clients, but her boss can wait. Patient. She prepares tea after she sends out the E-mails from last night, her head is throbbing, and the tea, sweet and lacking alcohol, is almost a blessing in her stomach. She prepares breakfast, having a feeling the impending conversation might be better with a meal. Hinata Shouyou has no home. Her heart lurches at that, she would offer her home, will offer her home, but it's not her -or Kenma's- place to take care of another. Even if they really want to.
They come down as the plates are set on the breakfast bar, she wonders if the smell woke them or it's just convenient timing. Hinata Shouyou has bags under his eyes. She watches as he timidly follows her son, who looks shocked to see him, he looks at her, something must be written on her face because Kenma's seem to contort in rage. They sit in front of her, it feels more formal than it should, with her shirt half tucked and her hair still damp.
"Good morning, Hinata-kun." She says, as she has the past two days. Consistent. He looks up at her, and she can't quell the flinch before it happens. Hinata Shouyou has empty eyes. They're red-rimmed and he looks like he's hasn't slept in ages, she's thankful she knows otherwise. "Haruo told me what happened." It's a question, directed at her son, but she can't take her eyes off the boy who won't meet hers.Punctual. Kenma looks at Hinata, who looks at him, Kenma looks away, his face flushing with guilt. "You should eat." and stay here.
He does so, but only under her instruction, she's never seen a teenage boy so reluctant to eat. "Did you get them?" That one's directed at Hinata, answers or pills? She doesn't care which, but she wants to make him not hurt. Hinata Shouyou stops eating. She wonders if Kenma realizes the work he's going to go through, her son doesn't look like he cares that much, just rubs the smaller boy's back softly, carefully.Hinata Shouyou is made of glass.
Kenma answer for him, a small nod that Hinata doesn't see. "Where are they?" The pills, not the answers, she knows where those are. Kenma's eyes flick up, towards the stairs. In the bag. Hinata Shouyou's new bag. She nods, offers her son a smile. A gesture of how proud she is. His lips are set thin, but his eyes light up in a way the rest of him doesn't. He'll marry well. She leaves the two boys as she heads up the stairs and into her son's room, it's messy, but she's long given up telling him to clean it. No amount of money is worth ruining personal comfort.
The bag is damp, and heavy, she puts it on Kenma's bed, the sheets still warm from the two boys that had been on it previously. Her fingers wrap around plastic. Hinata Shouyou. Lorazepam. Two per day. Refills every month. Side effects include blah, blah, blah. She knows all the possible ones, stunted growth and loss in body hair are the most prominent in her mind, then rage, irritability, insomnia. She sighs, wonders why chemical imbalances have to ruin the physical attributes of a person.
She rolls the bright orange in her hands, wonders if it's a sick irony that Hinata's hair doesn't match the bottles anymore. There's not much she can do, offer him refills. She doesn't even know if he'll take them.Kenma will. She has confidence that Kenma could fix the smaller boy, corrects herself. Hinata Shouyou is not broken. Her eyes are wet as she descends the stairs, grateful she hadn't put her makeup on yet. She puts the containers on the counter, in between them both. She feels lighter without them, but her hands are empty and there's nothing else she can do with them.
Aki hugs her son, scratches his head in the way she always has, he blinks, probably shocked at the suddenness of the contact, then melts. His arm is still rubbing Hinata's back, "Please eat, Shouyou." He whispers, breaking the heavy silence that had formed without her there. The messy black hair shifts, looking up at the two of them, his eyes flat as floorboards, and offers a smile. Her stomach clenches at that,Hinata Shouyou fakes smiles. It's customary to offer a smile to people, Hinata Shouyou's was always bright, looked genuine because of it.
She cries in the bathroom, she's scared. Scared that there are things, people, she has to remind herself, that would injure someone so innocent. So young. So beautiful. She vomits quietly, not wanting to wake Haruo, vomits harder when she thinks of someone breaking the man in her bed. She's composed fifteen minutes later, teeth brushed once more, a mint just in case. Her makeup takes a little longer when her lashes are wet, but she manages to make it look even.
Kozume Aki exits the bathroom, she gives her sleeping husband a kiss. Thanks him for the stability and affection that he's provided. Walks into her study, grabs her laptop and briefcase, then hesitates in the doorway of the kitchen. She's never hesitated, never gives in to fear. Brave. Her lips press against Kenma's hair, she rubs his back, offering him a strength he'll need. She stops in front of Hinata Shouyou, freezes again, angry at herself for doing so. She kisses him on his forehead, thanking him for being strong. Thanks him for not giving up. Hinata Shouyou is strong.
She walks out of the door, calls after them with cheer she wish she didn't fake, and walks to her office.