Sorry for the wait! Life is unfortunatly kicking both mine and my coauthor's butts. ShadoKat is sick and is running into issues while she tries to get better. My mother is still at home on temp disability. I have some minor health things going on and am still finding it hard to balance family responsibilty, work, and an actual life of my own.
we really appreciate all the reviews and any comments (good or bad) left for the story. it keeps us going on the bad days and gives us an extra boost on the good ones.
we already started the next chapter.
I woke up the next afternoon feeling pretty good. I disentangled myself from the resting Vampire beside me and went to the bathroom. I grabbed a tampon. I admit it was hard getting used to this 'blood is natural' thing that Eric was so into, but a few times last night I completely ignored the fact that I was bleeding on the bed, that he was drinking the blood as it came out, and that I was menstruating with no products. I found a note from Eric on the fridge. He asked me to find some videos on the laptop. Since I was 'bleeding' – yes he had to point that out in his note – he wasn't going to give me any real assignments so I could work on this at my leisure and he didn't mind if I didn't finish.
Which of course meant, he wanted it done and was just being nice because he was getting a 'treat'. So I knew I'd finish before sunset.
I got some food and grabbed the computer. He wanted a video that made me sad, but I didn't have to watch it now. He just wanted it in the queue. He wanted one that made me happy, angry, and if I found some more videos that brought out distinct feelings I should mark those as well.
I wasn't sure what he was getting at here, but I did as he asked. It took me a few hours as I searched and trimmed the results. It was enjoyable to watch a few funny videos and old things I hadn't seen in a while. I thought I could get used to being pampered like this once a month.
I kept enjoying my video hunt and being lazy. I ate the majority of the candy in the house. And some ice cream. Maybe I would take Eric up on this caring for me thing – my teeth felt better since taking his blood, but there was still some damage there that was probably too far gone for just Vampire blood to heal. Or maybe he could rub his blood on bad teeth. I was willing to try that or go to the dentist. Ice cream was too good to hurt you when you ate it.
It was getting close to sunset. I waited as long as I could. It wasn't fun to lie next to him waiting for him to wake up. I was too impatient. I ran to the bathroom, saw to my human needs, and got rid of the tampon. Eric wanted me 'available'. I was not going to be bothered by any connotations in that statement. Nope, not bothered at all.
I was cozy beside my Vampire when his eyes shot open. He wasted no time pushing me on my back and kissing my lips, my chin, my throat….What happened to those videos I spent the day getting?
"Eric, you can't be hungry. You've ate a lot recently. You wanted me to get those videos together for you."
"Later – I'm famished." He kept sliding down my body, using his knee to part my legs more.
"Come on! You know how it goes…work, then play. Your …treat will be there later."
"Lover, I would normally agree with you, but I need something to nourish me first. Then we will get to those videos. I promise to keep us on task – after I am sated of my appetites. No man, human or Vampire, can function when they are starved."
Oh my god. Eric was turning into a drama queen. I had it on good authority – his – that a few sips (less than a pint) of blood a week would be fine for a century old Vampire with no wounds or health problems. Yet, here was my 1000 year old baby trying to reason his way into a meal he didn't need. I gave up and let him 'have his treat'. I enjoyed my orgasms.
He eventually moved away from between my legs to cuddle with me.
"Alright, now that I am more able to focus. I want us to test the bond. It is growing and I want to see its limitations."
"When will it be…done growing?" I liked our bond – or at least I had nothing against it and wanted to keep Eric and I close any way I could. But I didn't understand this Vampire stuff to save my life.
"I'm not sure. Bonds are not an exact science. Vampires are secretive creatures. We don't do experiments on our nature or spend time investigating how things work – we certainly don't want to leave a paper trail of our secrets. We know what a bond is. We know what it does. We know how to start one. But how long it takes to mature to its full potential? No one has any idea. Some Vampires exchange blood dozens of times with a human and have weak bonds until one day, a full bond just ….occurs. Others share blood only a few times and have strong, full bonds. Sharing blood at the same time helps greatly, this we know. Age might play some role, but there is no consensus on this theory. So…we have to keep exchanging and see where it goes. How does the bond seem to you?"
I didn't like this question. I barely understood this Vampire stuff and now I had to explain how I felt about it. I was going to sound like an idiot, I was sure.
"Well, sometimes…I feel you. Once in a while it's clear. It's not me, it's you. Your presence, your feelings. Other times something rushes over me and I wonder where it came from – I usually realize it was your feelings and not my own. But it's hard to tell at first. Does that make sense?"
"Yes. It's hard to distinguish. I feel as though I'm getting better at our bond and how it works. Is it getting easier for you?"
"Yes and no. I felt you very clearly right after I had your blood the first time. It was only once, but it was there and crystal clear. Then it was murky even though we exchanged more. It's…it really must not be a science. I think I've felt you better the past few days overall."
Eric was quiet for a moment. I knew he was thinking about what I had said. I tried to 'feel' him with our bond. I think I picked up on regret – but had no idea what it could be from or if I was correct. Before I could ask him what he was thinking and feeling, he spoke.
"We will have to work through this together. I wish there was an authority on the issue we could seek out, but I can't think of anyone. I want you to go into the other room and watch each of the videos you picked out today- one by one. Don't tell me what video it is and keep your headphones on. I'm going to try and figure out what you are feeling from the bond alone."
I realized why I gathered those videos. It was a disappointment to know he wouldn't be watching them. I didn't have to be so meticulous if this was just for me. I did pick quite a few though.
"I made a pretty long list of videos….do you want to do them all?"
"No – Lets do the first three and then we can talk. Maybe we will do more, but three that deal with at least three different emotions should give us a good foundation to work with. I just want you to watch them. I'll be upstairs trying to determine what you are feeling. We will talk when I come back down. Give me a minute to get up stairs and sit down. Are you ready?"
"Yep."
Eric POV
I sent my bonded into the living area of our lair and went up stairs. I wanted to ensure I wouldn't hear part of the video or hear her make a verbal response, even a laugh, and know what she was feeling from that and not the bond. I made sure to give her the red towel for the couch. I really wanted to get back to my treat as soon as possible. I knew Dina was right, I was putting play over our necessary tasks.
I had a moment where I questioned my actions. I had been blocking our bond. I wondered if this was hindering Dina's ability to read it. She didn't have it 24/7 the way I had and even I hadn't mastered understanding it fully yet. I might have to stop blocking our bond. Or tell her I could block it and I didn't want her to. I was her Dominant, her Master. I wanted full access to her mind, body, and even her soul. I wasn't thrilled with having to have that conversation with her, but I knew eventually she'd figure it out. We were closely connected and it would only become a tighter, closer connection as time went on.
I pushed these thoughts to the side and sat down in the office that led to our underground home. I should have devised a signal so she knew to start. I'd plan this more carefully next time. It had been a while since the head between my legs made more of my choices than the one on my neck, but my sexy submissive cooped up in my lair while she was bleeding? My brain and sensibilities were almost guaranteed to lose to my other needs.
I clicked in the camera system on my laptop. Dina sat down and began to pull out her computer to find the videos. I opened up a word document to keep track of what I was getting from her. She still didn't know about the cameras. Pam had been surprised when I first got them. I wasn't a technological man. I used the computer for shopping, e-mail, research, records at Fangtasia, and my security system. It was the convenience and necessity that made me relent every time I acquired a new gadget I had previously resisted. I still longed for the days where these impersonal machines were not needed. But right now I needed them and appreciated the extra security and aid my cameras provided.
As she pulled her laptop toward her and hit the 'play' button on the first video, I minimized the screen where I could see her, relaxed and listened to the bond. I focused all my attention on the connection between us. I tired to see if I could hone in on her the way I did when I wanted to call or check in on Pam. It was similar, but different. I began to feel her emotions springing up. I assumed something that amused her had just happened and ended. I could imagine her laughing. I wrote down 'funny'. I didn't know how to describe her feeling as they came at me, but she was amused. Then she began to feel … anxious? Impatient?
Perhaps she was waiting for something. She must be anticipating the next video. Suddenly her near happy, anticipation dropped to disappointment and even a touch of anger. It seemed like she was confused after this. I could empathize. Her laughter had come and gone at rates I couldn't count. I was on a roller coaster with my bonded. I really hoped she didn't feel this on a regular basis; my head was spinning.
Before I could recover I was hit by a wave of sadness. There was no more laughter or amusement to be found; not even a hint under the surface as there was before. This feeling lingered, rose, and waned. There were bursts of anger. And then…pride? Slowly the happiness began to emerge. There was still a brief bit of sadness in our bond. It felt like she was thinking hard about whatever she was seeing.
Finally the emotions calmed.
I sighed unnecessarily. I needed a moment to process all I felt. Not only was our bond growing, but I had put all my effort into feeling it; in tuning myself with it. It was actually quite easy to do. I thought we were close to a full bond. I glanced at the clock.
Gods, it was only about 15 minutes since I left her. No being can feel that many emotions in such a short time and not go crazy. I thought it would take me days to recover from this!
I printed the little feeling sheet I wrote up and started to walk downstairs. I felt great amusement coming from our bond and was curious as to what she found so funny. When I walked in she was watching another video. I thought we agreed on only three.
"Dina."
She looked up immediately. I was pleased because I thought she felt me through the bond. I doubted that she could hear me with her headphones on.
"Eric?"
She was surprised to see me.
"What are you doing, Lover?"
"Starting the second video….what are you doing?"
"Second?" My eyes bugged out. I was sure of it. Vampires didn't faint, but I was so shocked I felt light headed. That was only one video?
"Oh god….was the first one too long? Eric I'm sorry. I kinda hate doing things like this. I pick things that are too long and then it takes too much time. I'm sorry…"
"No…it wasn't – how long was it?" I was about to reassure my bonded that the length wasn't the issue, when I wondered just how long the video was.
"About… 9minutes and 40seconds." She looked at her computer screen while telling me this.
"It's fine…it brought out a lot of emotions in you. What was it?"
"Oh, you remember the show Roseanne? It was the last minutes of the last episode; always makes me cry. She wraps everything up."
I continued to stare at my bonded. She was so calm. After all the laughing, anger, and (apparently) crying, she sat there so relaxed looking at me as if this was an everyday thing. I had to sit down. I came to the couch and let my body fall. How could she feel this and stay sane? And what was this Roseanne? It must have driven people mad!
"Eric? Are you alright?" One of her hands went to my shoulder and the other to my forearm.
"I am fine, Lover…that must have been a powerful video. Let's only discuss this one. I think we have enough to work with." Through our bond I felt Dina get embarrassed. She really thought her video choice was a problem. I moved and put my arm around her. "Don't be embarrassed. Your video was fine. I didn't think so many emotions could be brought up from only a singular video or I wouldn't have told you to find so many."
She gave a small laugh. "Are you really emotionally overwhelmed?"
"Yes. I believe I am. Anyway on to your feelings." I was not interested in talking about my reaction to these feelings. I wasn't even interested in thinking about how I was reacting.
"I'll start by telling you what I felt. You seemed to be very amused – initially and periodically throughout the whole video. I assume you were laughing. Then it was like you were waiting for something. How is that so far?"
"Good. Its primarily a funny video so I do laugh a lot and since I've seen it so many times I am anticipating the next scene before it happens."
"Then I felt some anger. And you might have been perplexed at one point." I stopped and waited for a response.
"Yes. There were some references to sexism. You know how I feel about that. It was also revealed that the two sisters actually dated the other's boyfriends and their romances were just part of the mother's imagination." I stared at her. This made no sense. "Ok, the short story is that the whole show was actually the mother's book and during the last episode she talks about what she fictionalized and what was real. She decided her younger daughter should have dated the artist boy and the older one dating the dopey guy. But in actuality it was reversed. And it's hard to imagine it that way! You know?"
"Not really, but have I gotten your feelings correct so far?"
"Yes."
I nodded. I had done well so far – considering the crazy story my Bonded had watched. "Then you became very sad."
"Yes, it was revealed one of the characters had died."
"I see." A comedy show with death. One that makes people laugh and immediately cry afterward – how was this healthy? Weren't there human authorities who monitored these things? Surely watching a show like this on a regular basis must be so taxing that the person can't work to their full potential for at least a day afterward. But then again, Dina seemed to be doing well after the fact.
"Eric? You still here with me?"
"Yes- yes. You felt many feelings after that-"
"It must have been her last monologue." She interrupted me. I had no desire to see this video. Absolute insanity.
"You felt some anger, quite a bit of sadness, some pride – perhaps? – and some happiness. How does this sound?"
"Good. There were some references to life, to sexism and classism. It's a sore topic for me. Her grief was sad. And …well a little sad for me too – I've lost dreams in my life and maybe I didn't work hard enough for them. It was great to hear her talk up being blue collar. I loved that! Overall, it was a great ending. One of my favorite videos."
I stared at her. She watched this on a regular basis. She knew it would inspire these emotions, including crying, yet she watched it again and again. I would never understand this woman. I had to walk away from this damned video and these emotions for now.
"Well….this was enlightening. I'm proud of how well our bond is working. I also knew about your issues with sexism. Luckily you won't have to worry about me putting you in the kitchen without shoes on!" I smiled, trying to ease out of this with a joke.
She blinked at me and then gave a half-hearted laugh. "I know. I'd never accuse you of being sexist."
"I said that wrong didn't I?"
"Oh honey, …I got it" She tried to sooth me.
"How do you walk around sane every day feeling so much emotion at one time?" I had to know.
She shrugged her shoulders. "I dunno Eric. I just do. Like – remember when I asked you how you didn't cut me with your fangs when we kissed and you said that was just how it was?" I did remember that conversation, and I nodded. "Same thing. It's just how I am, how I think, how I perceive things in the world." She squeezed my hand with both of hers, smiling into my eyes. Her eyes were my undoing.
"Lover, this has taken a lot from me. I am overwhelmed by what you feel. I need nourishment!" Dragging the towel with us, I pushed her back against the cushions and dove between her legs, my fangs clicking solidly into place.
"Eric!" She rolled her eyes and tried to scoot away from me, but I followed, growling my displeasure at her. I would not be denied!
Dina POV
.god! I couldn't believe what Eric was doing. "You are such a drama queen!" I laughed at him.
He raised his head and looked at me very seriously, licking his lips. "Later, you will explain what this term "drama queen" means. Now hold still! You know you will enjoy this!" He waggled his eyebrows at me. I rolled my eyes and shook my head. There was nothing I could do. Eric was determined. I relaxed back against the pillows… Only to rear up a second later as I felt a raw stinging burn wherever his tongue, or his fangs, touched me. I drew in a deep breath through my teeth and tried to tell myself to just endure it. But Eric knew something was wrong. "Lover?" he asked concernedly.
"It's OK baby, I'm just a little raw," I tried to reassure him. "Take what you need." My voice was tight as I said this.
Eric shook his head. "I had hoped my demands would not make you sore. I am truly sorry." Then he dug his fangs into two of his fingers making them bleed profusely. I flinched as he brought his hand near me again, but he held firmly onto my hip and shook his head sternly. "Let me heal you." It was an order. I held my breath and closed my eyes. His hand swept through my slit and up and around my clit, even beneath the hood. At first it hurt, but as he continued his ministrations the stinging reduced, then went away completely. "Now the bad part," he warned me, and I nodded tightly. He had to bite his fingers again to resume the bleeding, but then they circled my entrance and I twisted my body to get away. "Dina!" He said firmly. I nodded and tried to keep still, my eyes filling with tears. His fingers delved inside as far as his tongue had, and after a few minutes all of the pain stopped. I relaxed and sighed.
"Thank you Eric!" I said softly.
He leaned in and touched his forehead to mine, caressing my cheek with his fingers. "I had hoped not to teach you this lesson so soon or so unintentionally in this case…" He lowered his body unto mine and let me feel some of his weight. His hand moved up and worked into my hair. Like most times when Eric was getting close to kissing me, he fisted his hand in my hair. My head was fairly immobilized and were it not for the fact that I knew his mouth had blood from my vag in it, I'd be looking forward to a nice make-out session with his signature hair pulling. "Too much of a good thing is actually a bad thing. Even if you love the sensation of my tongue between your thighs, after a while it makes your skin raw. Someday we'll have fun playing with all different stimulations and seeing how they change after they keep going. Pleasure becomes pain. Mild annoyance becomes agony. And in some people the pain actual become like a pleasure – an addiction. We'll find this out together and learn how you react soon."
His words about pain and pleasure had the wheels in my head turning. He rubbed his nose on my cheek and brought his lips toward mine, but at the last second moved to nuzzle my other cheek. I stopped thinking about his alluring and terrifying insights about pain and pleasure and the promise that I would receive first hand knowledge. I was more focused on his mouth. He knew I didn't want him to kiss me. His lips moved down to my throat and I had butterflies in my stomach. Eric was clear the other night. I didn't want to kiss him with period blood in his mouth. But he made the rules and if he wanted a kiss, I would have to give him one. I relaxed under him. I didn't fight the fact that he was holding my head. He looked at me and lowered his face until his lips were hovering above mine. I took a breath. This was it.
"Be right back," he said softly. Before I could react he got off me and went toward the back of the house. I sat there dumbfounded for moment. I might have overwhelmed him with my emotions, but this pain, pleasure, 'we'll find out together', possible kissing, blood, and everything else had done a lot to overload my brain.
I thought I was getting hungry. I wondered if Eric would mind if I ate. I felt like I should ask, even though Eric hadn't told me to ask. He usually kept up with my eating habits quite well. I actually wanted chocolate far more than real food. I could eat food later, but my yearning for chocolate was my priority right now.
"Eric?" I said loudly, and then remembered he could probably hear me if I whispered. "Do we have any chocolate?"
"I believe we do. Why don't you check in the kitchen? Come to bed after you find some. I'll be waiting." He replied.
"Ok." That was simple. Getting up with this towel between my legs would not be as simple. I really wish he would just let me have some underwear with a pad for when I was going between rooms. I could pull them on and take them right back off. I knew what Eric's answer would be: NO. I struggled my way into the kitchen and started raiding the cabinets to find some chocolate. After a frustrating and fruitless search, I opened the freezer to see if I had frozen any. Eurkea! I had some 3packs of Turtles and funsize Snicker bars. I grabbed one of each. Since my hands were busy I used my teeth to hold the end of the wrappers and make my way to the bed. I wondered if Eric really meant for me to eat in bed.
I sat down and adjusted the towel. I decided to forget about whether I should be eating in bed and started to tear into my candies. Oh. Sweet. God.
This was heaven. It was a little hard to bite since I didn't allow them any time to warm up, but I didn't care. I noticed my teeth felt a little bit better after I had Eric's blood. I had surmised that he couldn't reverse my cavities, but it was easier to chew after I had some blood in my system. Eric came out and I stopped mid-bite. I wondered what his plans were.
"Keep eating. All I need from you is to listen." He turned and started rummaging through the drawers. "I will feed you a more proper meal after this. I'm going to give your pussy time to rest while I work on your anal training."
I stopped eating. I had hoped to have a 5-7 day break from that. (I was actually annoyed by gym teachers and other 'experts' who said a period is 3-5 days. I had never had one that short). I knew not to protest.
"I will only use my fingers. I promise we will focus on the pleasure and not on stretching you – which causes some discomfort."
Discomfort was putting it mildly. I really didn't like that plug. I knew some of it was the physical and some was the embarrassment and anger that he left it in all day. I was beginning to understand how some subs felt resentment and anger after a punishment/discipline. I didn't know if I had deserved that harsh of a punishment. Or maybe I did and I was just mad that I had misbehaved and had a punishment I didn't like. I hated to seem like a spoiled brat.
"Lover, I hear the wheels in your head turning. I'd prefer it if you relaxed for me." He walked over and set down an oval machine. I couldn't figure out what it was.
"What's that?"
"A warmer. Its heating the bottle of lube. Don't worry, it will be warm and not hot. I noticed you don't like how the gel feels when it comes straight from the bottle and I have no body heat to warm it for you."
"Oh, thanks." That was really sweet of him. Sometimes I forgot about our differences. Cold lube didn't bother him at all and, as a Vampire, he couldn't warm it with his hands. While I mused on this he took my wrappers to toss them in the bathroom's wastebasket.
"I want you to present yourself to me lover."
I hesitated as I wondered if I should be more vertical or horizontal on the bed. Maybe I should get in the middle either way so he had room. Moved to the middle of the bed and looked back at him. I decided it would be best if I was horizontal. The pillows on the bed were near the side of my body, instead of in front of me. I dropped my lower half and placed my bottom in the air.
"Very good," He nearly growled. "You look amazing!" I lowered my face to the bed to hide the flush of pleasure that his words brought out. Face down and ass up wasn't exactly my idea of my most attractive pose, but Eric's obvious admiration took away all the self-consciousness. He leaned forward and kissed me on the shoulder, aware of the good feelings his words brought out in me.
I smiled. I kept my head down and waited. I had butterflies in my belly. I felt his wet fingers rest near my other hole. His dry hand reached down to stroke my folds and rub my clit. I moaned.
"Good girl. I know you like it when I touch you. Trust me to make you feel good."
He circled my rosebud. It did start to feel good after I relaxed and focused on the sensations and not my worries. He slowly worked one finger in. There was a slight pressure, but no pain. I caught myself moaning and move back toward his finger. His other ones alternated between playing with my pussy and simply letting me focus on him penetrating my ass. When he went for the second finger, I did tense up for a moment.
"Relax." Eric reminded me. There was pressure that stayed for a little while. I felt the urge to push his fingers out, and knew that was the secret to loosening my muscles. I bore down and concentrated on opening for him. Eric had told me I had to teach my body to accept him into it. After a few minutes he found a rhythm with his two fingers and had stopped touching me with his other hand.
"I love your noises lover. I can't believe how nervous you were. I remember someone asking if she could cum from this alone… ..I don't think that is possible with only two fingers. I'm going to make you cum and then you will feed me."
His other hand went back to my clit. He started to thrust his two digits faster into me. He worked my clit simultaneously. I began to move with him and my legs shook.
"Oh….god…Eric."
"Yes, I am your God. I own you. Every part of you is mine."
"Yes…yes…all yours." I breathed out. My orgasm was coming hard.
"Cum for me. Cum for your Master, Lover."
I did. I came until I saw stars and my body collapsed on the bed. Quickly I was flipped over and Eric's mouth covered my cunt. He had defiantly earned his treat. There was a mix of pleasure and pain as his tongue dove into me. I was still sensitive and had just had an orgasm. But I didn't care – I wanted the sensations and I wanted to please Eric.
His arms slid under my thighs and his hands pulled me wide apart. I couldn't move if I had wanted to, so I concentrated on opening myself fully to him. He sensed what I was doing and rewarded me with a low growl of approval, the vibrations sending me over the edge again, crying out and clawing at the pillows around me. Through all of that he held my hips still, the inability to move making me that much more sensitive. With difficulty, I was able to relax and let Eric's tongue work its magic. I can't remember how many times I came. All I knew was that by the end I was a shaking, weak, inarticulate mass of goo that Eric covered with a blanket and left to my ecstasy.
"Eric?" I whimpered in protest the second he left me, but he was back in less than a minute, his hands and face clean of the blood that had covered them. He scooped me up into his arms, blanket and all, and headed for the bathroom. He peeled away the blanket and got us both in the shower, turned on the water, and before I could do anything he pinned me against the wall, lifted me, and slid into me in one long, smooth stroke. This, I hadn't expected, and I sighed with pleasure, opening my eyes wide and smiling at Eric.
"Let me give you what you want, Lover," he rasped at me in that deep, sexy voice of his. Then he began to move, holding me pinned against the wall and finding a steady, pulsing, oh-my-god rhythm that made me forget everything but his eyes, his mouth, his hands, and his cock. I came at least three times before he found his release, and to my surprise he stayed inside of me as his seed filled me. When he let me down I fell against him on jelly legs that didn't feel like they'd be working any time soon. And my ferocious Vampire put me down onto the bench seat, tenderly washed and conditioned my hair, scrubbed me all over with the new honeysuckle body wash, and made me come again as he used the handheld to clean out what he had left within me. Eric's hands were like heaven on my body, whether we were being sexual or not. When I reached out to take care of him, he pushed my hands away and leaned me into the corner of the bench seat on a bath pillow. "You have pleased me well tonight, Dear One," he insisted. "It is my turn to take care of you." I didn't object. Instead I watched this incredibly gorgeous man, who I still couldn't believe was mine, lather suds over his perfectly sculpted body and rinse off before reaching for me to take us both back to bed.
Eric left me briefly to fix me a sandwich in the kitchen and bring it back. It was just a little after midnight, and something was brewing in his mind. I could tell; perhaps it was the bond making it so clear to me. Sure enough, I was right.
"There is something I would like to talk to you about," Eric said when I had finished eating and was settled comfortably in his arms. I looked at him warily, unable to tell what he might be thinking by either his voice or his expression. He didn't usually approach subjects this way. He was usually more direct.
"Okay," I responded, tilting my head to the side and swallowing nervously.
He sat both of us up and maneuvered me to face him. I moved carefully to make sure the towel that protected the bedsheet didn't move from beneath me. He looked down, and then looked into my eyes. "I want the truth when you answer this question," he said firmly, his eyebrows raising a little and his forehead wrinkling, an expression that told me he was very serious.
I nodded at him, reaching for his hand for a bit of reassurance. I had no idea what was about to happen here. He took my hand in both of his and rubbed his palms together, my flattened hand in the middle. His skin was coarse – not completely smooth because he had done manual work when he was human, but not as calloused as it would have been if he still did it today. I loved the feel of those hands on me. "Okay Eric," I nodded.
He sighed, closing his eyes for a few seconds and then looking at me intently. "You need not fear punishment or any retaliation if you don't answer this a certain way," he told me earnestly. I believed him, and nodded.
"What is it Eric? You're making me nervous. Tell me, please?" I was getting scared and he must have been able to feel it. Now wasn't the time for beating around the bush! Not after a statement like that!
He looked away again, and back. I had never known Eric to be nervous, but he almost seemed to be now. "Do you fear me, Dina?" He finally asked. Now that he had said it, his eyes stayed on me, holding my gaze captive. For a moment I couldn't look away. But then I had to. "Dina?" he said suspiciously. He knew I didn't want to answer. "Answer me!"
I didn't know how a lie would make this situation better so I decided to tell him the truth. After all, he had promised that he wouldn't retaliate if he didn't like my answer. I opened my mouth a couple of times but nothing came out. Finally I just said it, very softly. "S- sometimes." I felt, through the bond, a slight sense that I'd hurt his feelings, and then suddenly I felt nothing. He must be able to somehow close himself off to me. I wondered if I could do that too.
He kissed my fingers, still holding them in his hand. He was outwardly calm but I couldn't tell any more what else he was feeling. "Thank you for your honesty. This distresses me more than you know." He looked at the floor and was silent for a moment but he never let go of my hand. I didn't try to pull it back. I wondered what had brought this on. "The fault for this is mostly mine, I believe," he continued. "I want to talk about it in further detail." He looked into my eyes and I saw that he wasn't going to take 'no' for an answer. I knew that stubborn look of his very well.
"What else can I tell you?" I asked. I was willing to tell him whatever he wanted to know as long as he wasn't going to do anything to me for telling him.
"Can you be specific?" he asked. "The first time I gave you my blood you were not afraid of me. That was why I gave it to you. I was happy to hear that and it made me want to bond with you. Somewhere that changed. Do you remember when or how?"
I really had to think about it for a minute. The first time Eric ever did anything that made me afraid of him… Then I remembered that awful night he'd taken me upstairs for my first checkup with Dr. Ludwig. He'd pulled me through the house, thoughtlessly ignorant of the fact that he had no lights installed and I was just a human. Then he'd spoken with her like I wasn't even in the room and finally he had looked inside of me while the speculum still had me spread wide open inside! That night it had all come crashing down onto my head. The gravity of the decision I'd made, just how much power over me I had handed to Eric, and the fact that he could make me disappear off the face of the earth and nobody would ever know what had happened to me. I loved Eric. I trusted Eric, but that didn't stop the unwanted frisson of fear that had crawled up my spine that night. He had comforted me when I'd broken down. But somehow I had begun to fear him.
"I.. I'm not sure but," I started to say, looking sorrowfully into his eyes. They were open, accepting, waiting. He softly caressed my hand with his thumb and I realized how much I now took his touch for granted. "Do you remember the night when you took me upstairs to see the doctor for the first time?" I waited a few seconds and he nodded, silent and encouraging. I could already feel my chest tightening and hoped I wouldn't cry. "You.. you dragged me through the house so fast, and I couldn't see without the lights. You told me how cold your world was, how they would think of me as a pet, but I wasn't prepared for you to act that way." My voice faltered as I breathed in shakily and tried to speak again. My eyes were stinging. Eric picked up my other hand and held both of them between his. His grasp was intimate, not intended to restrain me in any way.
'You can do this!' I coached myself.
Eric showed no signs of his usual impatience as I gathered my next words. "You and her talked about me like I wasn't there or didn't understand English. She frowned all the time and I was sure she didn't like me. You never even looked at me!" I looked down and then back up at him, my gaze reproachful. Tears started to flow then and I couldn't stop them. Before he could say anything I went on. "And then you… then... then you... you w-wanted to see inside of me while she still had that THING opening me wide. I never felt so embarrassed, so humiliated in my life! I wanted to shrink! I wanted to run from both of you, screaming, but I knew I wouldn't get far!" I hugged myself and began to rock back and forth, trying to will myself to stop crying.
Eric gathered me close into his arms and I clung to him, shaking and sobbing. "Dina, Love, I thought you understood!" he said gently. "I told you that we would not be able to act as we normally do around others! Don't you know that was all an act? I told you it would be practice because Dr. Ludwig is mostly safe. I can't let it get out that I have a companion I am so fond of and close to! It was important for you to learn and keep practicing this." His hand rubbed my back gently and I nodded into his shoulder. "And Dr. Ludwig does like you. A great deal, as a matter of fact!" he whispered conspiratorially into my ear. I gave him a small smile for trying.
"I feel the truth in you Eric, I guess I do know that!" I said softly. "But that night… it was too much! As we came back downstairs, each security door we passed felt like a prison door. It hit me then, the decision I had made, the fact that you had complete control over me and my whole life, and that I couldn't get out if I wanted to." I paused to breathe in sharply through my nose, which was starting to run. From nowhere he produced a handkerchief. I'd never seen him carry one. I looked at it curiously and blew my nose into it, wiping the wetness from my face. But the tears kept coming.
"I remember that you broke down that night but I thought I'd comforted you enough! Why didn't you tell me you needed more reassurance, or answers from me?" He spoke kind of sharply and I cringed into his chest, the tears starting again.
"That was before we really talked about me asking questions and telling you when something was wrong," I responded, rubbing my cheek on his chest. He truly was my rock, even as he intimidated me and scared me sometimes. I couldn't imagine life without him. "Your world has always scared me. And suddenly I know I'm part of it. When I realized how much power you had – you could kill me and nobody would ever know what happened – I started to fear you." I pulled back from him a little bit, and he let me. I put my hands in my lap and stared at them, folding and unfolding Eric's handkerchief.
He sighed sadly. "Why?" he wanted to know. "I've never hit you with the intent to harm. I've only touched you once in anger and I still regret that." His hands rubbed my upper arms just below my shoulders where he'd bruised me that night. "I hadn't even punished you for anything yet! How could I go from the Eric you loved to Eric the abuser in your mind?" He was trying to make sense of it, and I knew I'd have to tell him something I'd buried so far back into my psyche that I'd hoped never to think of it again. As soon as I thought of it, his eyes darkened with suspicion. He stared warily at me, turning his head partly to the side. "What are you thinking about?" he demanded.
I reached out to him hoping he would take me in his arms again, and he did. "There's something about me you don't know." I felt his body tense but he didn't release me. In fact, his hold tightened for a few seconds and then went back to the way it had been.
"What have you not told me?" he demanded again. "You don't have to fear punishment. Just tell me." I could read him well enough to know that he was trying not to get angry. He viewed omissions as lies but this had to be different. There had been no reason to tell him until now.
I squeezed him hard and said, "I love you Eric!" Then I disengaged myself from his arms so that he could see my face, and my eyes. "I've never talked about this to anybody. My aunt and uncle are the only ones who know because they had to come get me more than once." I looked fully into his eyes. "A few years ago I was a lot different than I am now. I was kinda wild and said I'd try anything once. I was rebellious. I wasn't in a good place and had a lot of emotions I was trying to bury, instead of work through. A lot of my friends weren't the best influences. I met a guy through a mutual acquaintance and we clicked right away. He had a Harley and I love those bikes, so he started taking me out for long rides on his hog. He was crazy and wild and funny. But so was I – only he took it too far. I might have been struggling to wade in the water, but he was drowning."
Tears were threatening again, and I held shaky hands out to Eric. He took them without hesitation and nodded, saying nothing. I knew he didn't like hearing about previous boyfriends but this he had to know. "S-so we fell in love, or I thought he loved me, and we moved in together. That was when I found out how bad he really was." As if he sensed what I was about to say, Eric's fangs came down with a solid "snick." His hold on my hands tightened slightly. "He drank and did coke – cocaine – like it was nothing. It wasn't just a hobby after a while. It was his everyday thing; a part of his life. Then he'd get violent." A low growl started to sound inside of Eric and his brows came down over his eyes, but he didn't say anything, waiting for me to finish. "At… At first it was for a reason, like when he didn't have enough money to buy cocaine and blamed me because I only made a waitress's wages. He hated me going to school. He-he wanted this life neither of us could have and when things didn't go his way, he made it worse with more booze. One time his truck got repossessed and I thought he was going to kill me. Later, he just did it if he didn't like the way I looked, or if it rained, or if he lost a round of pool to his bar buddies. He…"
"Enough!" Eric thundered, releasing my hands and standing up. "What is this dead man's name?" Naturally, he wanted to get revenge for me. I felt warmth inside of me. Rodger deserved Eric's anger more than Bobby Burnham had. I didn't attempt to try and explain that addiction is a disease. People didn't have that sympathy after the addict harmed someone they loved. And Eric had no sympathy for anyone who had ever slighted me. "Dina," Eric said in warning when I didn't answer right away. "Do not attempt to protect this one from my wrath! He deserves to die!"
"Eric, sit down, please?" I begged him. He was unmovable. He towered over me, waiting. "I agree with you, okay? But I have more to say! Please?"
Maybe it was the tone of my voice, or the look in my eyes, but he realized there was more to the story and slowly sat down. His posture remained rigid. He gestured at me to go on. I put my hands on his knees. "He was the reason I moved out here. As long as I stayed in Chicago he could always find me. He did a couple of times."
"Just tell me who he is!" Eric said flatly in that soft voice that promised death to whoever he was mad at.
"His name is Rodger Atherton," I said, and Eric immediately jumped to his feet and started to walk away. "Wait! What are you doing?"
"I will find the address of this Rodger Atherton and he will die tonight if I can find it that quickly!"
"Stop, Eric, please!" I begged him again.
He looked at me disbelievingly. "You do not wish for me to do this? We have spoken about my world and yours, and you are a part of my world. Dina, don't you understand why I want to do this?"
I went to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. "Yes! He hurt me and you want to kill him for that! You care about me. I know Honey, but there's more to say."
"What more is there?" he asked crisply, more than eager to find Rodger and take his revenge.
"He's already dead!" I told Eric.
He looked dubious. "Already dead?" I got the feeling he didn't believe me but he had to. The bond didn't let us lie and I reminded him of that.
"You know I'm telling the truth. What about the bond?" I asked gently.
"I will verify this. Give me the date and the reason that he died." Eric was going to leave no stone unturned.
"June 18, 2004," I told him. "He was drunk and hit a concrete barrier on the highway. He was thrown from the bike and died instantly. Check the Chicago Suntimes. There was a story on page 16 the next day." I was surprised that I'd managed to tell the story without breaking down. I'd thought that if I ever did talk about it, I would. Eric must be a good influence on me.
He pulled me into his arms and held me tight. Then he picked me up and carried me back to the bed, where he held me on his lap after he sat down. "I am sorry for making you tell me that," he said, "and for flying off the handle. I should have heard the entire story before jumping to take action. Did he hurt you badly?"
I nodded and started to shake slightly again. "Can we not talk about that?" I said in a tiny voice.
He held me close and I felt him nod. "I won't make you say more. So this is why you so easily imagined that I would hurt you?"
"Uh-huh," I affirmed. "That's the bulk of it." I sighed.
"You have to understand. I went from being responsible, but surrounded with family to alone very fast. I had a moment or 12 where I kinda lost myself. You know about my panic attacks. You heard one the night we…got together. I used to use control as a way to deal with stress. I'd control things, I'd get bossy, and with you? I can't use that. It's not really even a great defense mechanism, but it's all I had. Somehow Rodger got it away from me. I think because he made me feel like I had a way out of the mess I was in and I was willing to do what I had to hold on to that."
I stopped again to compose myself and he let me.
"I'm sorry Eric! I didn't mean to hurt you with my baggage. I didn't have to jump to any conclusions or mistrust you. You are very good to me."
"It isn't entirely your fault or the fault of your 'baggage'," he disagreed. "I've made a great many mistakes in the short time you've been here with me. I've pushed things on you – the bondage, the submission, the control, the rough sex, my sadistic side – without ever telling you what to expect. I never allowed you to take part in your training and set goals for yourself. From now on I need to be open about my expectations, and what I will give back." He sighed. "As my submissive, your job is to serve me, to make me happy. In return for that, I am supposed to be able to read you well enough to know when I'm pushing too hard. My task is to give you what you need, and I don't just mean food and a place to live. I want to make you happy and give you things that will give you pleasure. I want you to feel completely satisfied and enjoy our sex life. I need to make you feel safe and secure so that you can trust me to know that no harm will ever come to you."
I was shocked and surprised to hear Eric be this candid. This was the first time his requirements to me were said in such a precise and sincere manner. "I'm not an expert on this Domination and submission thing. I worried that your world would get in the way of you being able to give me too much. The whole weakness thing and your reputation. " It still made me uncomfortable that he could do anything he wanted to me without repercussion if he so chose. But I did trust him enough to know he wouldn't. at least my rational side trusted him, my emotions got the better of me now and again.
"See, that is my mistake!" Eric stated. "I should have told you this the first night. I wouldn't have claimed you if I didn't think I could balance our life with my world. You need to know what to expect from me, and what I expect from you. If you don't, how can you not be afraid of me?"
It was logical. He was right. A lot of my fear was fear of the unknown. "What are we going to do about it?" I knew he would control it, but I trusted him to make the right decisions.
"We need to move forward with the contract that we discussed. It will give a general outline of how our relationship will be structured."
"Are things on the contract negotiable?" I asked, hoping he wasn't going to present me a list of his demands and force me to sign it. I had more questions now that I'd had time to think, since the first time Eric had broached the subject.
"Yes. If you don't agree to all of it, you don't have to sign it. I'll even go so far as to have Mr. Cataliades, my lawyer, draw it up professionally so it is legally binding. Then if I don't live up to something, you have the right to do something about it."
I balked at having his lawyer make the contract for us. "Eric, I don't want a lot of people to know what we do here! They wouldn't understand!"
He chuckled. "You mean people like Sookie, or Sam?" I nodded. "Don't worry! Cataliades is a model of discretion. He is legally bound to keep everything a secret. You and I won't tell anybody we don't want to know about us."
"Why is doing things this way so important to you?" I finally felt safe to ask him the question I'd wanted answered since he'd announced what he wanted from me.
He moved me from his lap and sat me next to him so I could face him. I craved the contact, so I scooted in between his legs while he reclined on the pillows. "There are many reasons. All Vampires are aggressive and possessive. I am also naturally dominant. My maker dominated me in all ways when I was a young Vampire, even sexually. And he was cruel. He hurt me every day. I longed for the day I could leave on my own, and I swore that I would always dominate any relationship that I had."
"Eric, he hurt you? Can I go kill him for you?" I grabbed his muscled forearm with both hands.
He patted my hands and pulled me close for a hug. "He is already dead, Little One, or I would give you my blessing." He kissed my cheek and let me sit back up.
"Okay so your time with your maker made you a Dominant?" I asked.
"It was already part of my personality. Unfortunately, Appius's sadistic appetites passed on to me – by a much lesser degree. Part of serving me as my submissive is letting me be sadistic sometimes. You know that I won't push you so far past your boundaries that you'll be hurt, and you'll trust that I'll make it up to you. I hope we can work this out."
I was shocked again. "Is that why you hurt me sometimes during sex?"
"It is," he said unashamedly. "And better communication from you will tell me exactly what you like and how you like it. We already know that you enjoy pain to some degree."
My skin turned red. This was my time to start being completely honest with Eric. "I do, Eric, more than I've admitted."
"Dina, you are new to combining pain with pleasure. There is a difference between taking pain while you're aroused; the pain enhances the pleasure. But after you've been satisfied, that same pain just hurts. You need to tell me when that happens, so we can be more together on this."
"How do I do that?"
"Use your safe words for one thing," he told me. "And that is another thing we need to talk about. Your safe words. I know that I originally told you that if you weren't correctly using them, I'd punish you for using them. My telling you that made them virtually useless to you because you probably thought they wouldn't work or I'd punish you every time. I've changed my mind after trying to consider your point of view. From now on, if you use your safe words, I won't question you, I won't overrule you, and I won't punish you. No matter what. But my agreeing to do this puts the ball back in your court. Use them wisely and honestly. If you are dishonest, I will respond appropriately, but I'll know you were dishonest. I won't punish you but the trust between us will be diminished. That is the most important thing between a couple like us. Trust."
"Eric I do trust you more than I trust anybody else in my life. I promise I'll work on that 'jump-off-a-cliff trust you talked to me about once, OK?"
"That is all I can ask, Love"