"I'm sorry did I say something that offended you?" The redhead furrowed her brow as she stood in front of me and the other women in the room. I looked around almost wishing I was invisible as every pair of eyes in the auditorium was now locked on me. "If I did it's okay, just say so Beca. I didn't mean to upset you." Anger was growing in the pit of my stomach as I tried to blink back the tears in my eyes and couldn't form any type of words. Chloe scanned the group before she stepped away from the white board. "Guys how about we take a quick breather?" Her voice echoed and the girls all broke out of formation and wandered off towards their bags. Chloe walked over slowly and rested her hand on my hip, still frozen I tried to blink so my vision wasn't blurry anymore. Stepping away from Chloe, my body began to shake and anger flared through me from inside my veins. All I could think about was how frustrated I am with life at this point. I wasn't where I had planned on being at this time in my life, if you had asked me just a year ago I would have without a doubt told you I'd rather be in L.A. putting in my dues and working my way up the ladder in the music industry. Now though, I wouldn't trade being a Bella or helping lead these girls for the world. I thought about my family and how close I was with my siblings, I thought about my job at the radio station and my life outside the Bellas. It wasn't close to what I thought it would be and I was filled with pride when I thought about the group of talented young women I had grown so close with and I just didn't understand why my dad couldn't support that. He hadn't been to a single show since I started this journey my freshman year. He didn't even go to the ICCAs and I was the only one now that two years in a row didn't have a parent supporting me out in the crowd. All four of my siblings had been to all the major shows along with my best friend from high school, which may have just had to do with the fact that she was dating my oldest brother Buba. But even my other siblings brought their significate others. Still my dad hadn't even tried and with regionals coming up we had been working harder than ever to make our set perfect, it was killing me that my dad couldn't acknowledge that this was important enough to go to at least one show. "Beca, don't shut me out." Chloe whispered, snapping me back to reality. I shook the thoughts from my head and tried to force a smile onto my face. She raised an eye brow, signaling that it was a failed attempt.
"I'm sorry Chlo. I'm just so proud of how hard we are all working and it hurts that my dad hasn't come to a single show in two years. I'm a junior this year and he's missed every important milestone in my college career. He hasn't been to a single parent luncheon for the Bella house things. He hasn't been to a single competition. We've won ICCAs two years in a row and he missed both of them. He's the one who wanted me to have the whole college experience and join some clubs to make friends. Now that I've made a second family out of you nerds and I'm proud to be at Barden he won't even give me a day of his time. It just sucks." Chloe listened to me intently just nodding sympathetically when I finished. I watched her face expectantly before exhaling deeply. She grabbed my hand and squeezed softly.
"You'll always have me." Her voice was loving and she flashed her famous Chloe Beale smile. I couldn't help but smile a little at the older girl.
"Don't ever leave me." The words sounded pathetic as they left my mouth but it was Chloe, she had wiggled her way passed my walls and I wasn't sure I could go back to a life without the space invading red head.
"Beca Skylar Mitchell, I need you more than you could ever even fathom." I searched deep in her eyes and the only thing I could find was honest and pure truth. "I'm not going anywhere."
"Beca?" The voice behind me pulled me from the lulls of sleep. I rubbed my eyes awake before turning around to see Chloe standing in the doorway to her bedroom. The light from a couple candles dancing on her face playfully. Her facial expression was twisted with hints of worry and compassion, her eyes looked defeated. "Are you okay?" She slowly walked over and sat next to me on her oversized couch. I cocked my head slightly at the question.
"Of course Chloe." Confusion evident in my voice as it echoed off the silent walls. "Why wouldn't I be?" Curiosity got the best of me as the question slipped passed my lips. I wasn't really sure I wanted to know, I wiped my forehead with the back of my hand where beads of sweat had been formed. She watched as I let my hand fall back in my lap.
"I heard something from the living room and got up to check it out. You were talking in your sleep, I know it's probably weird or something but I stood there and I was listening and whatever you were dreaming about sounded kind of intense and sad." Her eyes had grown sharper as she confessed her thoughts. "Beca, you asked me not to leave you." I blushed awkwardly hoping it was too dark in the room for Chloe to see. I sat in silence, my hands shaking violently now. I could feel my stomach twisting in angry knots and the room started to spin. "Beca, what's wrong?" Her eyes wide as she took in my face.
"I just don't feel very good all of a sudden. I'm okay though." I lifted my hand to rest it on the older woman's knee but thought twice and just dropped it to my side. Chloe stared at me thoughtfully for a moment. She quickly shook her head and stood up, wincing at the sudden movement. She reached out and took both my hands, tugging me to my feet. "What are you doing?" I asked without protesting as she pulled me towards her room.
"I know you're set on sleeping on the couch, I know you want to respect me. Honestly I don't even need you to stay here. I'm beyond positive I can maneuver around my apartment without you or Aubrey babysitting me but I like that you are here." She paused as we stood next to her bed, I blinked rapidly trying to make my eyes adjust to the even darker room. "It's not in the community service paperwork for you to stay here Beca." She stated quietly.
"I know." We stood in silence for a brief moment as those two simple words hung in the air, holding far more meaning in them than I thought she could realize. The color her eyes changed to made me think that maybe she did understand though.
"When was the last time you drank?" She asked casually. My first instinct was to lie because that's all I've done when people asked about my drinking for the last two years.
"Last night. We had appointments today." The truth slipped out, I rolled my eyes when I realized that lying to Chloe Beale wasn't an option. "It was only two shots and maybe a couple beers though." Chloe nodded slowly, thankful for the truth.
"You're starting withdrawals Beca. Lay down, tonight is going to be a rough one." Chloe's voice was demanding. I began to protest and started babbling that I could just sleep on the couch. Noticing that the sweating had gotten worse and I was now shaking even worse. My stomach lurched as a wave a nausea settled over me. "You've been taking care of me for a week, longer than that if you include all the time you stayed with me at the hospital. Just let me take care of you tonight, okay?" I tried to step away but had to reach out for Chloe's are to steady myself, the room spinning again. I let her pull me to the bed, helping me lay down and pulling the blankets all the way up. She shuffled out of the room, still in pain from the internal damages that had been done and when she came back she had more pillows. She pulled the blankets back down and rolled me over so I was facing the other side of the bed. Gently she lifted my right leg and placed a pillow between my knees, yanking the blankets back up she left her room again this time returning with more blankets, a couple bottles of water and a now empty kitchen trash can. She put the water on her side of the bed, the garbage can behind me and laid out all four of the blankets on top of her bed. She climbed into bed on the side I was facing and handed me a bottle of water. "Don't chug it just take a couple drinks. You're going to sweat out pretty much any water your body is holding. Which I think it's safe to assume isn't much since you only drink liquor and beer." I nodded too weak to argue with her. I sighed heavily as I passed back the bottle and snuggled into the warm bed. Sweat causing my clothes to stick to my body. Chloe pushed a few strands of hair from my wet forehead. I closed my eyes praying for sleep to overcome me so I could escape this miserable feeling. "Beca, are you awake?" I felt a cold hand on my drenched stomach. Chloe asked after what felt like an eternity of silence. I hummed in response, afraid to speak. "Let's get you into something other than jeans, tomorrow we'll go to your apartment and pack some clothes to bring over okay?" I groaned in agreement. She got up and fumbled around in the dark. "Cover your eyes Becs." I did as I was told just in time for a light to flick on. I peeked out from under the corner of the pillow and watched as Chloe rummaged through her draws, pulling everything from the front out to find a pair of old basketball shorts. I blinked and took a mental note that those look like my favorite pair from back in college. She walked to the closet and pulled a black t-shirt with the words "Barden Bellas" printed on the back. "Come here, let me help you." I sat up slowly, lifting my hands above my head so she could peel the soaked shirt off for me. She did so carefully, leaving me sitting there in a sports bra, gazing into her beautiful eyes. She swallowed hard as I pushed the blankets back and sat on the edge of the bed. I fumbled with the button on my skinny jeans but my hands weren't communicating correctly with my brain. "Here." She said helpfully as she pushed my hands out of the way. She pulled my pants off, avoiding eye contact. She replaced them with the shorts, which fit just right. "Are you sure you want the shirt? It's okay if you don't. I don't mind at all." I shook my head and laid back down. Chloe stood frozen for a moment.
"I'll be right back." I said suddenly springing up, cursing myself mentally at the rush of momentum. Chloe began to follow my steps but I waved her off. I stumbled into the bathroom, tears falling down my face at how quickly my body was falling me. I splashed cold water on my face and stared at my broken expression in the mirror. When I opened the door Chloe was standing face to face with me. "Jesus Chloe!" I squeak in fear, embarrassed by how girly it sounded coming out of my body.
"I just wanted to make sure you were okay, let's go back to bed." I leaned into her, exhausted from any kind of effort I was exerting. I climbed in and she pulled the blankets up once again, sliding in on her own side of the bed. She passed the water to me and when she replaced it on the nightstand she flicked off the light. I could feel my heart pounding and I couldn't stop shaking no matter how hard I focused on controlling the tremors. Chloe reached out and grabbed my arm, pulling it across her body while looping her arm under my neck and wrapping it around my shoulders. I sank into her warm body, which made me shiver and realize how cold I was. "Oh Beca," her voice cracked. "You're burning up." I tried to hold back the tears as my muscles ached but I couldn't help but let them fall.
"Chlo, I'm so cold." I responded. She sat up and pulled her own shirt off then laid back in her spot. Pulling me back in and yanking the blankets up again. Her skin burned against mine but I was thankful that the woman was a space heater and I pushed into her body as close as I could get. Her heart beating steadily in my ear as I tried to find the comfort of sleep. "You sang in college?" My voice was fragile in the darkness of the room. Chloe hummed in response. "Tell me about it?" I asked softly.
"What do you want to know?" Chloe laughed at the how small my voice made me sound.
"Everything, what did you do? How did you save the program? Did you love it? Do you miss it?" My voice trailed off as I thought about the fact that I haven't written any new material in a while.
"I was in the Barden Bella a cappella group. 7 years actually." She laughed at her confession. "I intentionally failed Russian lit a couple times so I could stay with the group. Do you know how much you have to know about a class to fail it on purpose that many times?" I giggled a little as I waited for her to continue. "Anyways, it's the biggest passion I've ever had in life. I was the co-captain and choreographer. I miss it every single day. I miss the hours of dancing and singing. I miss my aca-family. I miss my co-captain. I miss the rush of performing and the retreats and I miss the Bellas' house." She sighed softly and I glanced up at her, her eyes locked on the ceiling.
"Hey Chloe?"
"Yeah Beca?" She responded quickly.
"Will you sing something for me?" I asked innocently, not really expecting her to sing. She laid quietly for a moment debating on what to do. I froze as the words of Just a Dream filled the dark apartment. Her voice bringing a feeling I didn't know how to label to my chest. For the first time in months I drifted to sleep with a feeling other than anger in my chest.
"Beca, are you awake?" Her voice sounded softly as I lay on the verge of awareness. I was so comfortable at the edge of sleep that I couldn't respond. "You know; I've dreamt about this moment for two years. The moment I finally had you back in my arms. I've missed you so much. I wasn't sure if I could do it anymore. I moved to L.A. and took that choreographer position that I was so excited about after graduation. It just wasn't the same waking up in an empty apartment without you. I couldn't focus on my job and I just wasn't happy, all I could think about was you back here and how I just wanted to be with you. I was broken when you saw me at the party and didn't recognize me. I'm not really sure what I expected though. I know the memories are in there, I can see them flash through your eyes sometimes. I can hear you dreaming them at night. I just have to let you figure it out yourself. I don't want to see you struggling and hurting because of the gaps in your memories or the confusion of what all these feelings and memories are. I made a promise though and Chloe Beale doesn't ever break promises. Even if I don't agree with them anymore. It's not my decision to make, the damage and all that isn't mine to fix when the truth comes out. Just know I need you more than you'll ever be able to understand and I promise I'm not leaving."
"Hey what's up?" I answered my cell while sitting on the edge of my bed. The voice on the other end of the phone was frantic and hysterical. "Whoa, Chloe calm down. Tell me what happened?" I listened as Chloe rambled on about some jerk that she was dating. Although I had just met Chloe a few months ago and she practically forced me to audition for the Bellas by bursting into my shower. We had become fast friends just like the red head and said we would and I carried about her. "He did what?!" I practically shouted as she confessed that she walked in on Tom cheating on her with a girl from the High Notes. My commotion earned a life threatening glare form Kimmy Jin. "Chloe where are you?" She mumbled something about sitting in the empty pool where the riff off had taken place. "Don't move, I'm coming to you." She agreed and I hung up, shoving my combat boots on and snagging my jacket off my desk chair. I practically sprinted across campus, ducking and weaving the trees as I ran down the short cut to the pool. I stopped in my tracks as the sad figure of the redhead slumped on the edge of the empty pool, swigging straight out of a vodka bottle came into sight. I slowly approached her from behind only drawing her attention by snapping a twig under my foot.
"Hey Beca." Her eyes were heavy and blood shot from crying. I sat down and sat awkwardly in silence. I wasn't good at comforting people and I had never seen Chloe cry before. Except the time she told us she had nodes. I reached out and patted her shoulder, biting my lip and cursing myself at my horrible social skills. She looked at me with fresh tears in her eyes. When she saw my horrified expression and awkward posture she burst out laughing. "You suck at this."
"I know." I sighed before staring down at my feet dangling from the edge. "So, tell me what to do. I want to learn how to help you." She eyed me suspiciously. "I don't want to be a people person Beale. I just want to be a decent friend to you since you're always there for everyone else." I paused lost in thought for a split second. "You save everyone. Who saves you?" I looked at her smiling in an attempt to reassure her. Panic flared through me as fresh tears fell from Chloe's eyes.
"Get drunk with me." She said thrusting the bottle at me.
"Chloe it's 11 in the morning!" I practically squealed, her eyes narrowed at my response.
"Fine, just let me drown my sorrows alone then." She shifted a little to put more distance between us. She stared straight ahead as I kept my eyes locked on her, she tried to sneak a peek at me without me noticing but when she saw me staring in awe she laughed and offered the bottle again. I took it reluctantly and took a drink. The burn in my throat causing me to cough. I glared at Chloe as she laughed hysterically. "You know, I didn't even like Tom all that much." She admitted after a few long minutes of silence and choking down vodka in the sun. "I met someone a few months back, Tom and I have kind of just been going through the motions. It was just nice to have him around for when things got lonely I guess." Her eyes glazed over as she got lost in thought. "I just expected him to respect me enough to break things off if he found someone else. It's disrespectful and it makes me feel like shit honestly. Am I like some ugly horrible person?" I lost track of my words as I fumbled with the idea of Chloe Beale's confidence being broken.
"Shut up you, weirdo. You're like the most gorgeous human being to ever exist Chloe. Not to mention the sweetest." I smiled at the girl as she moved closer and leaned her head on my shoulder. I watched as our feet dangled over the lip of the pool. "Who is the person you are interested in?" Disappointment flushed through me as I thought about my own emotions, sure that this person's name wasn't Beca Mitchell.
"Lips are locked. It's a secret until I scope the situation out a little more." I rolled my eyes as the sun warmed my back and we fell back into a content silence.
"Beca do you want to stay here?" Chloe asked worried as I sluggishly made my way to the front door. Sleep came and went throughout last night and I felt worse now than I had last night. I shook my head and opened the door, signaling that we were leaving.
"I want to go with you." I mumbled stubbornly, trying to ignore the nauseating headache. I helped Chloe down the steps slowly after arguing about whether we should walk or drive to the hospital. Chloe who was determined to get better as fast as possible decided that we were going to walk. Reluctantly I agreed, semi thankful because the enclosed space of the car would have totally made me feel worse.
"Go lay down." She demanded after checking in at the front desk. I found an empty couch and did as I was told. "Beca, I'll be back in a little bit okay? Get some rest. Here's some water." She handed me a water bottle causing me to roll my eyes. I glanced at my watch and stood up to get some fresh air. Before I knew it I had walked to the little bar from a couple weeks back. I glanced down the bar after taking a seat on a stool to see that Stacie was working again.
"Hey stud." She said approaching me. "You look horrible." She said flatly. "Please don't tell me you fucked up with that Chloe girl." Her eyes told a story I knew she'd never say verbally.
"No, but can I have a shot and a beer?" She nodded reluctantly and served my order. I handed my card to her, "I won't be having a lot but keep it open for me." She swiped the card and hurried off to get someone else a drink before coming back. I rested my chin on the back of my crossed arms on the bar. Watching intently as she sliced limes. I listened carefully as she sang softly. "Wow, you have a beautiful voice." She smiled her eyes and laughed like something was ironic. "Can everyone beautiful woman in this town sing?" I laughed. I ordered a couple more shots and a beer. Feeling increasingly better with each drink.
"Pretty much. At least the hottest of all of us can." She eyed me with a funny look. We kept talking about Barden and all the singing groups, exchanging some of our favorite artists. I glanced at the clock and took a mental note that it had been an hour and I should leave in a couple minutes to get Chloe. "You sing?" I shook my head. "Come on just a few lines. Give me something, anything." She practically begged. I thought for a moment and sat up as the words from Timber floated into the bar. Stacie joined in and we sang a few lines together. I smiled at how great our voices were together. She just nodded completely content when we finished up.
"Wow." I felt a rush of excitement as I sat there for a minute.
"That sounded great!" A familiar voice rang with pride from behind me. I turned to see Chloe standing there. "Hey, I got out early today. I thought I'd find you here." She frowned at the empty glasses in front of me and then looked at the bartender. "Oh-m-aca-god! Stacie!" The redhead beamed excitedly. "I didn't know you were still in town." Stacie came out from behind the bar and engulfed Chloe in a bear hug. "I thought your voice sounded familiar!" She smiled back and forth at Stacie and I. I was thoroughly confused at this point.
"Chloe was the captain of the Bellas when I was in college." Stacie answered my unspoken question without hesitation. "How are you? How have you been? She paused actually, I already know." She shot an apologetic glance at me. "You want a drink? On the house." She flashed a seductive smile. Chloe looked at me contemplating.
"Yeah, sure why not." She sat next to me. Her posture perfect and her face a little red from the therapy she just endured. "You know what I like." Stacie nodded thinking back and hurried off to make some type of cocktail. "You okay?" Chloe leaned towards me to whisper. I stared at her longingly, pushing back the thoughts of kissing her.
"Yeah, how was therapy?" I questioned with real concern. She explained that she was healing faster than expected and that he was impressed. Stacie returned and Chloe practically bounced out of her seat when she glanced down at the glass.
"Are you married?!" She almost shouted as a slow smile spread across Stacie's face. Her eyes connecting with something behind us. "To who?" Chloe asked not even attempting to contain her excitement.
"This lovely being." Stacie stated before stepping out from behind the bar again. Our eyes trailed after her. A shorter black woman with short hair walked over and hugged her.
"Cynthia Rose?!" Chloe's jaw dropped. Cynthia swept Chloe up in a spinning hug.
"Careful babe. Remember." Stacie practically yelled in horror at her wife.
"Shit. Aca-scuse me. I'm sorry Chlo." Cynthia apologized as she set the fragile redhead back on her stool. I leaned over towards Chloe to ask if Cynthia was another Bella. Chloe nodded, happiness radiating off her skin. I was beginning to feel overwhelmed with emotions and thoughts that made no sense to me. "Beca effin Mitchell? Is that you?" My eyes widened as the excited woman turned her focus on me. Stacie cleared her throat and shot her a warning look. "Oh." She dropped her gaze to floor before recovering quickly by thrusting her hand out to shake mine. "I'm Cynthia Rose, Stacie's wife. She told me a little about you from the last time you came in. I apologize if that was a little aca-awkward." I shook her hand firmly, feeling a sense of respect for the woman even though I wasn't sure why. We chatted casually for a bit over a few drinks before Chloe mentioned that we had plans to tend to. I followed her out of the bar after making farewells.
"We have plans?" I questioned after we were out of hearing range of the others. She smiled a devious smile.
"Yeah, we have dinner plans with Jesse and Aubrey." The excitement in her voice kept me from protesting as I followed her the few blocks to my apartment. "You need to look semi nice."
"Do I have to wear a dress?" I groaned with disappointment.
"No, but if you wanted to wear a nice button down shirt with a vest and some cute pants that would work." Her eyes lit up and I couldn't contain my smile as I unlocked my door. She slowly walked around the apartment and looked everything over. Her eyes falling on the giant stack of journals I had yet to finish reading. She followed me into my room but I didn't notice her until after I stripped my shirt off. Her eyes lingered on my bare skin for a moment before she realized I was staring at her. I had a little more courage with the alcohol in my system, I strolled over to the redhead confidently and grabbed her waist. Stopping my lips mere inches from her I locked eyes with her baby blues. Looking for a sign to stop, there wasn't any trace of hesitation in her blue pools. I pushed her roughly into the wall as her hands twisted into my brown locks. I smashed my lips against hers, reaching down to hitch her long leg over my hip bone. She pulled back placing her lips on my neck, her hands sliding up my abdomen to my chest. I let go of her leg knowing it was firmly in place and pinned her small wrists above her head on the wall. Pushing her cheek away with my own so I could gain access to her pulse point. "Holy fuck." Chloe groaned. She gained some sense of strength and pushed me back, pushing me again aggressively in the chest causing me to fall back on my bed. Her eyes had grown almost black with desire as she climbed on top of me. Causing me to lose sight of boundaries and consequences.