He didn't' know how long he sat there, but with how stiff his body was from the hard stage floor, he knew that he really needed to get up.
Sam slowly lowered himself from the stage and stretched slightly. Prom was only a week away and with Brit gone now, he knew that he was going stag. "I guess it's not so bad" he thought "Maybe Blaine wouldn't mind having a tag-a-log for his date. God knows Tina will be tagging if she can." he chortled at his own joke.
Sam gradually made his way up the stars stopping to take one last look at the stage. "This isn't right." He said to no one. Taking his phone out of his pocket he looked down at the black screen. Hit the power button in some hopeless attempt to see a missed call, or communicate to Kurt that he needed him to call. He was dumbfounded. The email had gone to Kurt's work email so he would see it right away or at least know it was there by now. "Why isn't he calling?!" Sam said under his breath, frustrated that he was becoming powerless to help he lowered the phone in defeat.
With a sad shake of his head he turned around and started back up the stars.
"I'm too Sexy for my Shirt. Too sexy for my, Oh sexy yeah."
The sound of his ring tone in the stillness of the auditorium started him so much he did a comedic juggling act just to move the phone from his pocket up to his ear. He managed to bounce it off his wrist, palm, and fingers before it was caught and answered.
"Hello? Hello?" He asked out of breath.
The voice was too soft to make out. He looked at the phone realized not only was it upside down but it was also backwards. Quickly he turned it around and answered again.
"Hello?"
"What was that?" A soft, hard to recognize, voice asked.
"Umm...I almost dropped the phone sorry." He stated as if it was obvious.
"No...ummmm...not that Sam. The video?! What was that?!" Slowly Kurt's voice started to rise. "Why would you send that to me? Why Sam?" His voice was high pitched now and slightly cracked at the end.
Sam took a deep breath and answered, "Because if someone felt that way about me...someone that I cared about, I would want to know."
A cracked sob and a deep breath broke the silence. "Sam...I ...I know how he feels."
"Do you?! Do you really Kurt?" Sam insisted. "Cause, from where I sit you two don't really do a whole lot of talking these days."
"What do you want me to say Sam?! That I miss him? That I still love him? Would that make you happy to know?"
"Well that's good to know, but I'm not the person who needs to hear it. I think it would make Blaine happy to hear it. "
"Makes Blaine happy...Sam...I um...Blaine knows okay?! We may not talk a lot these days but he knows. He has too! I text him again, I saw him at Mr. Schuster's wedding disaster, and again at Regionals. I mean I see him and he knows!" Kurt sounded so sure of his answer, like it was an automatic trained response.
"Look I know you got hurt and I know that it's hard, but you both need to let each other go. As you can see Blaine is trying but he is still hurting and holding on. Maybe, if you aren't going to ever forgive him, could you at least let him go?" Sam took a deep breath; he knew that this was the hardest part, gambling with their feelings but it was time to stop tip toeing around the issue and just push. "I mean wouldn't it be best to just tell him that? To tell him to move on?"
Sam waited what seemed like forever as Kurt's breathing was the only sound through the phone. He looked up at the ceiling praying that he made the right choice.
"I can't Sam. I'm sorry. But I just can't," Kurt broke the silence with a whisper.
"Why not, Kurt!? You need to stop leading him on. This isn't right!" Sam's voice was rising because he knew the reason but Kurt needed to say it aloud, for himself, and for Blaine.
"I'm not leading him on Sam! Okay?! I just can't….I can't let him go. I don't want too." With a half laugh "Why can't I? Shouldn't I want too?! Shouldn't you hate the person who hurts you? Shouldn't you want them to hurt like they hurt you?" Kurt was pleading to Sam for answers.
"You can't Kurt, and you know why," He replied gently.
"I know….but I'm scared Sam. What if I get hurt again? What if…."
"Exactly Kurt! What if?! What ifs are all you have now. It's up to you to be okay with having what ifs." Sam waited a beat. "I can't promise it won't happen again. I don't have that power. But, what I can tell you is I've seen Blaine broken. I've seen a whole new Blaine these last couple of months and I have say…It's not him. I know that he is sorry and I know that he will never truly forgive himself. All relationships have what ifs, but it's up to you to decide if you can live with them."
"Why am I even talking to you about this?!" Kurt asked suddenly annoyed.
"I think it's because well….One: I just sent you a video that probably ripped your heart out. I know it ripped mine out just to hear it, and it wasn't even about me. Two: I'm Blaine's best friend. But let's be honest, you and I both know I'm filler." Sam took a breath and put it all out there. "You're his best friend Kurt and you're the man he loves. The fact that you feel the same way is amazing! Those things are rare in life and when you have them it's Impossible to let them go,"
"Yes, Sam, he is my best friend, but he is also the one who can either fix me or break me and that kind of control is scary. I can't let anyone have that over me again." Kurt whispered, "It's too hard to fix."
"Okay, well in the long run it's up to you Kurt. It's always been up to you. You are in control of your future. You can either have a future with Blaine, or you can let him go and have a future without him. But, it's up to you." Sam stressed this point. He knew that Kurt was close, and letting him know that it was okay to forgive was the only way they could fix this. "On the other hand Blaine is feeling the pain of not having any control right now. Did you know that he spent the last three weeks trying to think of the best way to ask you to Prom?! And then he just gave up?"
"What?!" Kurt's voice betrayed his surprise.
"Yeah! There was a serenated at one point, roses delivered to Vogue, another flight to New York to surprise you," Sam chuckled at some of the more extensive ideas that Blaine had come up with just to ask Kurt to Prom. "But, in the end he didn't even bother. Said he is going alone."
"Blaine at Prom?! With me?!" Kurt laughed. "I bet with him in charge there won't be a ban on hair gel. Hell, it will probably be mandatory," He was smiling at the idea. Slowly he realized what he was doing and shook his head. "No, Sam I couldn't go with Blaine to Prom. It's wouldn't be right after what he did. I mean how could I forgive him for that?" Kurt wondered aloud.
"You want to know what I think?" Sam asked.
"Well, given this conversation, I'm pretty sure I don't have a choice," Kurt sarcastically replied.
"I think you have forgiven him." It was stated as a fact "no tip toeing anymore," Sam thought.
"Really?! And, what makes you think so?" Kurt's voice was annoyed again.
"Because, you called for one. Because, you can't let him go. I mean if you really hadn't forgiven him you wouldn't have considered going to Prom with him just now." Sam smiled, "So close!" He thought
"I always thought I would go to Blaine's senior Prom. That's all it was, just a thought from the past." Kurt's tone was without emotion, and Sam knew he didn't believe anything he just said.
"I think you have forgiven him and you are just scared that it's not okay to do so. I think you are just waiting for someone to tell you that enough time has passed and its okay. It's okay to want him and to be with him. It's okay that you love despite what he did," Sam was becoming more certain his plan was working and he decided now was the time for the final push. "So I ask you again Kurt, no I beg you: If you are really never going to be with him again please let him go. I can't see him this broken anymore. He needs to move on….. if you'll let him."
Silence seemed to last forever. Sam looked down at his phone to make sure it was still connected. "Hello?! Kurt?! You still there?!"
"Yeah…ummm" a slight clearing of his throat, and then: "I'm here."
"So are you going to let him go?"
"No, Sam I'm not..." Kurt couldn't finish his sentence before Sam jumped in.
"Kurt, this isn't fair!" Sam shouted, his voice echoing through the auditorium
"No Sam, I..." Kurt tried again only to have Sam interrupt again.
"You know it's not," Sam's voice was still echoing.
"No, Sam listen!" Kurt screamed. Finally Sam became silent and wanted to hear what Kurt needed to say
Kurt took a deep breath, "I love him Sam." He stated it as a fact.
"I know Kurt…but" Quickly Sam added before Kurt interrupted him.
"No Sam you don't" He paused as if to gain his courage. "I mean, I really love him!"
Sam slowly smiled and looked down at his feet. "Annnnd…..what do you plan to do about it?"
In NYC Kurt was gripping the phone so tight his knuckles were turning white. He looked off into space while sitting on his bed. For the first time a true smile formed on his lips and his head once again was held high. "I'm going to make it right." And with that he hung up the phone and looked over at his closet and smiled.
Quickly he rose up and ran to the closet. Flinging open the doors he franticly looked around before his eyes set on the vintage hat box on the top shelf. He reached up on his toes and nudged it off the shelf by wiggling the tip of his middle finger. He slowly lowered it and sat down cross legged right in the closet. Placing the box on his lap he took a deep breath and opened the lid.
He shuffled through the items until he found it. Gently he moved sheets of music, movie stubs, a deactivated hotel room key. Then, there, in the center of the bottom of the box, was a small little jewelry box. He reached in and picked it up. Pushing the hat box off his lap he rested his elbows on his knees and ever so slowly opened the little red box back on its tiny gold hinges. Nestled inside was a tinny perfectly made bow tie gum wrapper ring. He smiled looking at all the wriggles and juicy fruit wrappers and their tiny folds. He remembered all the promises Blaine made the day he gave it to him.
"I promise too always love you, to defend you even if I know you're wrong. To surprise you! To always pick up your phone call no matter what I'm doing. To bake you cookies at least twice a year and to kiss you were ever and whenever you want. But, mostly just to make sure you remember how perfectly imperfect you are."
Thinking back on that day it seemed foolish that he hadn't made promises back. Blaine had kept his promises. Kurt never had wondered if Blaine was with him on the decisions that needed to be made. He would always be backed him up no matter what.
He had loved all the cookies he got. Quietly he laughed to himself when he remembered a week after he arrived in NYC a large box of cookies had been delivered. He didn't have the heart to tell Blaine that over half of them had gotten broken along the way.
Out of all the promises the most important promise was kept. He knew that Blaine loved him no matter what. Plus, he always answered phone calls….."Wait" Kurt thought "I didn't always answer his phone calls" he slowly realized. Thinking about his first weeks at Vogue he had been so busy. He talked to Blaine but they really hadn't talked. The phones were ringing and…and…"I didn't answer his phone calls and I hung up on him."
"Oh My God!" Kurt said aloud, "I left him behind." He was shocked, but looking back on those weeks all he could remember was the chaos of the city and his thoughts went back to the promise he had made to Blaine in Mrs. Pillsbury's office;
"You're not going to be alone! I'm going to Skype you every day and you are going to come and visit me in New York every weekend as far as I'm concerned. But, I promise, you aren't going to lose me. "
"I broke my promise," Kurt whispered as he covered his mouth with his hand. "I left him alone and he thought I was gone." They didn't Skype every day, Blaine couldn't visit every weekend, and Kurt wasn't there for him. Blaine had been trying to make things right since the day of the incident and Kurt had not listened to him. Everyone kept telling him "Once a cheater always a cheater," but Kurt knew deep down that he could trust Blaine again. He was now wondering if Blaine would trust him to not leave him and break HIS promises.
He looked back at the ring and smiled, thinking of all the happy memories it stood for and all the hopes for a happy future. He felt like the ring still had some magic power that could help him and Blaine now. So he held the box tightly to his chest and stated proudly the two promises he knew he never, and would never, break: "I promise to never say goodbye to you and I promise to love you until my dying day!"
With his newly declared understanding and love, he felt a rush of energy, as if he was becoming whole again. He stood up and looked at himself in the mirror, smiled, and said the most important word that started their relationship, and that would be needed for the task he had before him. "Courage!"
