We pulled off just before the tail turn off to get gas at 5 Mile. The drivers all hopping out to fuel up, I laughed quietly to myself seeing that we took up all but one pump. I turned to the girls that were still singing and asked if they wanted anything. "Oh! Doritos and a blue Gatorade." Chloe piped up.
"Ranch or nacho?" I questioned before getting a challenging look. "Ranch of course." I chuckled lightly before looking back to see Cynthia climbing out of the side of the jeep. I quickly fell in step behind her, sort of enthralled with the idea of getting to talk to her alone for a moment. "Hey Cynthia," She shot her gaze to me when she heard the sound of her name. "I just wanted to say that I really appreciate what Stacie did for me at the bar. I kind of owe her one."
"Naw shorty. She looks out for important people." Cynthia said with a wide grin on her face.
"Important people?" I asked curiously.
"Yeah, she's got this intuition on people. She knows when a great person walks into our bar. She kind of makes it her life goal to look out for the underdog. Plus, you're important to Chloe and Aubrey gave all the Bellas a phone call about the accident. Told us to keep an eye out for you." We had stopped walking at this point and I shifted all my weight awkwardly at the mention of the accident. "Just so you know, none of us blame you for what happened that night. We don't blame you for anything actually. I think you feel the same as we do. We are all just thankful that Red is okay. Don't beat yourself up alright?" I nodded in appreciation to the woman who seemed to have a huge heart, I now understood why her and Stacie made such an amazing couple. I followed her down the isles as she grabbed the red bag of Doritos, gummy worms and a red Gatorade. "Grab Red the sour skittles, it'll get you mad points." I laughed and did as told, grabbing the other items on my list. Making sure to get a can of grizzly wintergreen at the counter before heading out to fuel up. I tossed the bag into Chloe's lap and watched her eyes light up when she saw the skittles. Cynthia gave me a wink before stepping onto the back wheel and climbing into her respected place next to her no hysterically laughing wife.
"I see what you did there." Stacie whispered to her wife while nudging her in the ribs. I raised an eyebrow at the exchange but they both waved me off. My phone vibrated in my pocket, I furrowed my brow while struggling to dig it out. I answered it without looking at the screen.
"Hello?" My voice even.
"Hey Becky! Long time no talk." I smiled at the accented man on the other line and the use of my old nickname. "So, I have a proposition I want to pitch to you." He paused waiting for a response.
"Go on, I'm listening."
"We just fired that twit Mark. You know that twerp event coordinator dude we had." Luke's voice was comical as he didn't even try to hide the sound of distain in his tone.
"About damn time, we've been trying for the last two years." I laughed halfheartedly.
"Yeah that's what I was saying, anyways we need to replace him and I know you have a degree in music business. So I threw the idea to the rest of the guys and we all agree you are qualified. What do you say?" His voice cool and smooth like always but I could hear a smile.
"What are you serious? What about my booth time?" I was shocked that I was even consider for the position.
"You can still do your show if you want but we really need someone to plan that big festival that we are doing in a few months and I really think you can handle it. What do you say?" He asked again, my mouth was hanging wide open.
"Yes! Of course!" I practically shouted into the phone.
"Awesome, I'll email you all the stuff you should go over. Maybe you can clean up the mess he's made." His laugh was deep and sincere. I mumbled some things about appreciating the opportunity and smiled before hanging up. I replaced the gas nozzle and climbed into the jeep.
"Who was that Becs?" Chloe asked with a mouth full of Doritos. Eyes locked on the contents of the bag.
"Luke from the station." I smiled broadly and turned to face the other bodies in the vehicle. "I'm the new event coordinator." Chloe practically squealed in excitement, almost dropping the bag of chips as she flung her arms around my neck. I welcomed the embrace as happiness washed over me. I got the job, the girl and amazing new friends. What more was there to ask for? "So, how would you nerds feel about having the Bellas perform a couple of songs at the festival in a few months? Like a reunion show maybe?" I watched as the famous Chloe Beale smile crept onto my girlfriend's face. Glancing back to gauge the other girls' reactions. Cynthia Rose was pumping her fist and Stacie was clutching her chest like she was having a heart attack. Chloe unhooked her belt and stood in one fluid motion.
"Aubrey, Lilly, Jessica, Ashley and Amy!" Chloe's voice sang as if she were doing roll call. I looked around in shock as the women stood in silence. "Bellas unite! We're doing a show in a few months!" The girls all cheered in unison. "I'll start working on the choreography!"
"I'll write out a set list for the songs!" Aubrey chimed in. Amy rewarding her with a warning glare. "Don't worry Amy, I won't use the old songs." Aubrey's face was practically glowing. The whole group shouted excitedly as the girls sat back down.
"I haven't been this excited since I got in a wrestling match with a dingo when I was 13." Amy called out to the crowd. Earning a hysteric round of laughter. Chloe looked at me with sparkling eyes, leaning in to kiss my cheek softly.
"So can I safely assume that's a yes?" I playfully added. She nodded once as we pulled back onto the road and drove the long hour to the hiking trails. You could hear the girls singing down the line of vehicles and I thought to myself that there isn't anywhere I'd rather be. The jeeps all parked in a row on the side of the gravel back road and the group climbed out. Half of us throwing backpacks on, the rest grabbing coolers. We trudged over rocks and logs for about an hour before stopping in a giant clearing. The girls all chatting happily in a group as the guys started a fire and unpacked the booze. Handing beer and red solo cups out. I took a beer from Jared who was grinning uncontrollably at the blissful sight in front of us. "Well, two years ago I would never have expected to be this happy." I admitted quietly, appreciating my brother's humble company. He put and arm around my shoulder before pointing at Allison and laughing. "Allison, what are you doing?" I shouted watching the girl slowly scoot across a long branch hanging over the group, cup clenched tightly between her blinding white teeth. She glanced in my direction before sitting up and using her legs to hold her still. She untied a long thick rope from around her waist, replacing it around the large branch and tying some kind of complicated knot. Never spilling a drop from her cup. All of a sudden all of our attention was focused on a loud war cry and the sound of branches and brush cracking on the hill behind the tree.
"Move out the way bitches!" We heard Kelsie's voice scream before the sight of her in an oversized tire came crashing out of the trees. Rolling at a high speed right into the thick trunk of a tree on the other side of the parted group. "Ouch." She said tumbling sideways out of her mini monster truck sized tire. "Tire swing anyone?" She exclaimed brushing the dirt off her arms.
"That's my girl!" Allison yelled proudly.
"You guys are a crazier than a wild pack of dingos!" Amy added to the hilarious situation. Everyone was practically rolling on the ground because of the scene.
"Okay, wait." Allison called down. "On a serious note, how the hell do I get down?" She looked at us for help but no one offered a solution. "No guys, I'm not kidding." Her eyes grew wide as we all just watched with mischievous grins on our faces.
"Looks like you're stuck babe." Kelsie said as she pushed the tire towards the hanging rope. Allison eventually laid down and slowly turned to face the base of the tree, making her way back down the same way she came.
"Are they always this spontaneous?" Chloe's voice made me jump because I didn't hear her walk up next to me. I nodded in response and smiled before placing my hand in her warm hand and walking towards the group. We were sitting in a circle now, sharing travel stories and awkward family stories. Which more often than not left me blushing in embarrassment. "Beca you never told me about falling out the window at your high school graduation party!" I shot a glare at Megan for sharing the story and she just grinned back with that innocent Mitchell face that we all knew how to use. Chloe's eyes were sparking at the idea of hearing the story. "Come on Becs! I know we all want to hear it." Chloe pleaded bouncing up and down next to me. I shook my head trying to avoid telling the tale.
"No you really do want to hear it." Allison added dramatically. "I'll tell it!" She offered quickly turning to Chloe. "So Beca-err I mean Skylar." She made eye contact and I gave her a simple look that let her know it was okay to call me by my first name again. "So Beca, Jared and I all graduated at the same time." Chloe's expression after looking from me to Jared was confused. "Jared skipped a grade in middle school." She offered the explanation coolly. "Nerd." She shot off in his direction.
"No, I just had all the Mitchell notes and cheated my way into skipping a grade." His response earned a slap on the back of the head from Alex.
"Jared Russell!" She shouted as he just shrugged.
"Anyways, they lived in this giant house just up the road from me. We thought it'd be a good idea to throw one last hoorah before we all went off to college. Not knowing at the time that we had all gotten into Barden. That's beside the point though. So we send out a mass text. What a good 100 kids showed up that night?" Allison looked around for an agreeing expression. Getting an eye roll from Megan. "So Beca, Jared and I are pre-gaming before because it's our graduation and why the hell not? This tiny excuse for a human being decides she's going to take like seven shots in less than fifteen minutes."
"How is that even possible?" Jessica and Ashley ask at the same time. I just shrug waiting for my old friend to get to the good part.
"So the party arrives and Jared gets this brilliant idea to make a makeshift game out of riding a garbage can lid down the stairs. This one?" She said jabbing a thumb in my direction. "She decides she wants to steal the lid from me and takes off running down the hall. She gets a running start and by the time she jumped on the lid. Standing up I might add, she bounces over half the stair case and by the time she hits the floor and slides across it there was no stopping her. Head first into the open window, right through the screen." She stops because she's laughing too hard to talk. "The only thing you could see were her feet poking into the house." She loses it again and starts laughing hysterically, at this point the whole group including me had joined her.
"I had a black eye for a week because I smashed my face into the base of the bush in the flower bed." I added between laughs. Chloe was now clutching my arm as she bent over in a ridiculous giggle fit. I looked at my Alex who was exchanging a heartwarming expression with our only brown eyed sibling. Megan's eyes fell on Chloe and I, my heart skipped at how full of love they were. "Okay it's not THAT funny." I said after about a minute of being the only one not laughing.
"Do you remember that time we woke up to find Bube passed out in the front yard in only his pink and white heart boxers?" Jared pipped up and our siblings all chuckled. "Dad was so pissed because at that exact moment a bunch of people from the office showed up for a meeting." He recalled lightly.
"Or that time that Buba peed in the fish tank because he was so drunk?" Alex smiled as we all nodded.
"What about that time I had to drive down and get Allison from the golf course because she was drunk and hopped the fence because she wanted to drive the golf carts around?" Amber interjected.
"Thank god you did that. When my boss got there the next day he was so pissed but no one knew it was me so I didn't lose my job." Allison's arm snaked around Kelsie's waist.
"You worked at a golf course?" Kelsie asked amused.
"Beca and I both did. Those ugly green polos and horrible khaki golf shorts." Allison wrinkled her nose in disgust. Chloe looked at me and grinned. "Caddie shack baby!" Allison raised her red cup and I placed my beer in the air. We kept sharing stories and I felt peaceful for the first time in years. The sun was getting low in the sky as we packed up to head home.
"Why don't we continue this at our house?" Alex asked, most of the group agreeing.
"We have class early tomorrow so we're going to head out when we get back." Ashley spoke for both her and Jessica. Amy and Bumper both muttered some excuse that really told the group they wanted to go home and bang. Lilly and Mike had to get home because they had work. I yawned as we approached the squad of jeeps.
"You want me to drive?" Chloe while glancing at me sideways, her posture a little off. I mumbled something but I wasn't sure she heard me. "Can we swing by my apartment on the way?" I nodded. "Is that okay with you guys?" Stacie hummed in approval and snuggled into Cynthia's side. We drove with the sound of quiet humming and soft singing filling my ears. My eyes fluttered heavily as I drifted to sleep.
"Beca I'm sorry." My brother's booming voice sounded behind me. I spun around, drunkenly stumbling a little. Tears assaulting my eyes. His own eyes looked tired and all I could think about is how he would be so much better off if he and Lindsey just left all of us behind like they had planned. "I'm not leaving you." His voice was always so soothing. "I'm not just going to bail like dad did." He slowly stepped closer. My thoughts brought back to why I was drinking on the roof of the old theater building in the first place. He reached out and placed a giant hand on my tiny shoulder. Maybe his hand wasn't as giant as it looks, maybe I was just extremely small. "Look, I know life has sucked since mom died but you can't keep pushing people away like this. Let me help you." Anger flailed though my body making me feel like I was vibrating. I shoved him as hard as I could in the chest but he didn't even sway. His large from engulfing me in a giant bear hug.
"Buba, everyone leaves me. Mom, dad, you and Lindsey. Even my girlfriend is leaving after graduation. Everyone leaves me. What's wrong with me?" My tears were falling in streams now as I looked up at my oldest sibling. "I don't want to do this anymore. It hurts too much." I sank to my knees and just melted into my brother's body. He rocked us, letting me vent like he always did. "How'd you know I was here?" I asked pulling away to get a better look at his features.
"This was your favorite place growing up Becs. You once said it was the only place you felt like mom was still with you." I sniffled at the mention of mom. "You always come up here." My siblings all knew me too well, I sighed feeling a little calmer now. "Come on Beca how about we go get a beer and talk about it?" He kissed the top of my head pulling me to my feet. I blushed a little realizing how catatonic I had just been and followed him to the car.
I blinked the sleep from my eyes when I woke up in the parking lot of Chloe's apartments. Sadness shifting through me at the memory of my older brother. Chloe pressed a hand to my cheek and wiped a single tear away with her thumb. Her eyes full of compassion but she didn't say anything, not wanting to open old wounds in front of our friends. "I miss him." I whispered as she leaned in and kissed my forehead. I watched as she slid off the driver seat and ran to retrieve her coat and backpack. When she returned she rested her and lightly on my thigh and didn't say a word. Stacie placed a hand on my shoulder and flashed me a sad smile. I let my hand rest on top of the tall brunette's for a brief moment before placing it on Chloe's hand and fiddling with her thumb ring. We arrived at my brother's greeted by music blaring from the back yard and the distinct sound of laughter. I smiled pushing the memory to the back of my mind. "I'm going to go grab a beer anyone want one?" The girls all agreed and I lazily jogged to the garage and snagged four beers. My eyes catching on a small box that had "DO NOT OPEN" scrawled across the side. I walked over and popped the top of it. Only to find two of a bunch of photo albums and two of my journals. I sat down on the floor and opened the books of photos. Confusion struck me hard as I flipped frantically through all the pages. Pictures of Chloe and I at the beach. Pictures of a group of girls in blue blazers cheering on a stage, I was standing the center kissing Chloe's cheek. Picture after picture of me with the Bellas and even more of Chloe and I. Pictures of the bartender and her wife standing next to Chloe and I at Disneyland. I through the picture album down into the box and picked up the journal. Flipping through the pages only scanning it. Letter after letter to Chloe. Routine ideas, school notes, lyrics and mash up ideas. My hands shook as I stared down at an entry.
"Graduation is two weeks away. I'll be honest I'm trying to keep my badass composure. We won worlds last week and I couldn't be happier. I'm afraid of what's going to happen to Chloe and my relationship after we graduate if I go to LA without her. I bought her a ring, I just haven't found the right time to ask. Come on, you're Beca effin Mitchell, man up bro. Okay tonight, I'm going to ask her tonight at this thing my brother is throwing. Chloe changed my life. Chloe loves me. Every stupid, sarcastic, angry and awkward part of me. I'm not sure why but I do know that I don't… No I can't survive without her. I want to spend every single day of the rest of my life with her."
A lump caught in my throat as I blinked in confusion at the page. Glancing at the bottom to see if it said anything about an answer.
"YES! SHE SAID YES!"
This can't be, my head was spinning as I placed the journal back in the box and clutched it to my chest. I stormed around the back of the house and slammed the box down on the ground in the center of the group. A haunting silence fell over my friends and family. "What the actual fuck is this?" Everyone stared in horror. The only sound you could hear was Alex gasp. "Someone answer me!" Tears were falling uncontrollably down my face. No one responded, frozen in shock. I turned to Alex. She just blinked at me, Jared shifted awkwardly. I crumpled onto my knees as I stared at the box silently. "Am I crazy? I don't understand." I choked out between hysterical sobs, Chloe finally sat on her knees next to me. Hesitating before reaching out to comfort me. "Do not fucking touch me Chloe Beale." Anger ripped through me. She rested her hands back in her lap before tears filled her blue orbs. Stacie grabbed the back of my arms and for some reason I didn't shrink away from the contact. She shot an apologetic look at Chloe.
"Come on Mitchell, how about we go get you a drink?" I nodded leaning my full weight into the bartender's side. My feet felt like lead and I started to get that feeling in my chest that I had the night I had passed out next to my car on the side of the road. Stacie looked down at me when she set me in a chair. "Hey, you have to breathe." I squeezed her hand harder than I had meant to as I nodded violently. It took a few minutes but I began breathing steadily again, I couldn't hear anything from outside but Stacie put two shot glasses down on the table and poured out equal shots. I stared at the woman in shock pleading with my eyes for her to tell me what to do. "Drink this." She pushed a glass towards me before throwing back her own shot. Pouring another immediately. Four shots later she grabbed a tray from the cupboard. Placing enough shot glasses for everyone on it and placed three bottles of liquor in the center. She pulled a few red cups down and poured out drinks for everyone. "Don't move." She commanded, I wasn't sure I could walk away if I wanted to at this point. She carried both trays outside and I watched her pass out the red cups through the window. She lingered next to Chloe who had her face covered with her hands. She sulked back towards me and pulled me to my feet. "Beca Mitchell, I know you don't remember this. But you were once one of my closest friends. You were there when my parents got divorced, you were there to bail me out when I got arrested with no questions asked and you were in my wedding. You've always been there for me in your awkward sarcastic ways. So if you'll let me, I'd like to be there for you. Please." Her eyes were welcoming and full of love, I hesitated before nodding. She pulled me into a hug and I felt the tears roll down my burning face again. "Just listen okay, it's going to be hard but listen to what they have to say before you shut down." She rubbed my shoulders before I followed her back outside. Everyone silently avoiding eye contact, except Chloe who was locked on my every movement sniffling. "Okay." Stacie sighed as I pulled a chair out opposite of Chloe. I looked at Alex to begin.
"Beca, I'm sorry. I know this is all hard to take in." It was Aubrey who spoke first, clinging to Jesse's hand. "I'm not sure where to start."
"Look, we never wanted to hurt you." Jesse added, my blood began to boil at the thought of him being in on this. I shook my head and my eyes began to glaze over before I felt Stacie's hand on the back of my arm. I looked at her for support and she bobbed her head with encouragement.
"Okay, so there was an accident." Alex spoke slowly, calculating her words carefully. Megan rested her hand on our oldest sister's shoulder as if to life the burden of the confession from her. Alex shot her a grateful look.
"First off I need you to know that we love you, we did all this to protect you. Two weeks after graduation there was an accident. You sustained brain damage and the doctor said you were lucky to remember as much as you do. That those four years of your life were just a small price to pay." Her voice cracked. "You almost didn't make it Beca. When you woke up we panicked because you didn't even remember who we were." She paused looking for a supportive glance from the group, she pushed on. "Months went by and bits of your memory came back."
"You still didn't remember who I was." Chloe spoke with a trembling voice. I stared straight ahead as she spoke for some reason I felt the most betrayed by her. Aubrey moved next to the girl taking her hand in support. "Every time I came to see you, you'd freak out."
"Eventually Megan and I gave Chloe an ultimatum. The doctor said that important things, people and places might trigger random memories which would only confuse and hurt you." She took a drink of her cocktail. "Umm, do you mind if we do a shot?" I raised an eyebrow but shrugged. Stacie let go of my grip to pour out the shots. Cynthia had taken her place.
"Do you want Stacie and I to leave? I know this is overwhelming." I began to cry at the thought of Stacie leaving because she was my anchor just like the steering wheel had been all those months ago. Cynthia saw my panic rise and shook her head side to side. "It's okay, we'll stay. It's okay hun." I calmed at the sound of her voice next to me and took the shot from Stacie in both hands because I was shaking so bad. My eyes wandered over to Chloe who was staring at the empty glass in her hand, eyes brimmed with red as she sat in silence. I wanted more than anything just to shrink into her embrace but the image of the pictures in the album flashed through my mind and the thought made me ill with anger. Everyone set the empty glasses on the tray and I stood up quickly placing a bottle in my hand and taking a long pull. Chloe sighed. I offered it to her, remember the dream about the pool. She took it with a horrified expression on her face and matched my drink before handing it back. I stood there staring with distain on my face.
"Those dreams. The ones I told you about over the last few months." I stopped not sure how to ask what I was thinking.
"They were memories. The pool, rehearsals and the meadow." She stated evenly not trying to upset me anymore than I already was. I nodded and walked back to Stacie who flashed a small smile before rubbing my back.
"Why did you leave me?" I loudly whispered without looking up from my shoes. No one spoke because I hadn't made it clear who I was speaking to. "Everyone leaves." I muttered to myself. Chloe shifted in her seat, realizing I was speaking to her but not being able to formulate a useful response.
"She didn't have a choice." Alex broke the silence. "I threatened her with a restraining order. I told her she had to leave because she was a danger to your memory. I mean I guess I was right about her being what would trigger your memories but I was wrong about her being a danger." I looked up in time to see Alex make eye contact with Chloe for a moment before turning to face me. "I forced her to leave town and never come back. That's why I acted so rude towards her all this time. I never hated Chloe, I love her like a little sister. But I was trying to protect you."
"I don't understand." I choked out, none of this made sense. "Why was me remembering so bad?" I wasn't sure I wanted to hear the answer but I knew I needed to. I took another drink before offering the bottle to Stacie who gratefully followed my lead and passed the bottle around the circle.
"We weren't sure if you could handle remembering Beca, we were already losing you. After mom. What dad did. We couldn't get you to open up to any of us. You never laughed and you rarely even talked. You were always locked away with your music. And you were always drunk. Like, all the time." Jared spoke slowly tears evident in his deep voice. I felt like my lungs were restricting as my family kept avoiding whatever major secret they were hiding. I clutched the underside of my chair so hard it felt like my fingertips were going to start bleeding. Stacie noticed and peeled them away, rubbing my hand between her own. We sat in silence again for a long moment before the young bartend next to me took that as a signal for more shots. We all took them gratefully. My eyes locked on Chloe again in the harsh lighting, this time I couldn't pull them away as I watched her absent mindedly play with her necklace. Noticing the ring for the first time on the silver chain, my eyes widened as she sensed me staring and her blue orbs connected with my own dark blue eyes. A ring I questioned and it clicked. She tucked it away quickly as her face turned the same color as her hair. I traced the words on my wrist and clamped my eyes shut fighting back the tears. I inhaled sharply waiting impatiently for someone to continue. No one dared speak the truth of what everyone was collectively hiding.
"Buba didn't kill himself." Chloe finally whispered. My neck practically snapped as my face shot in her direction. My head spinning. "It was a-an a-accident but he didn't kill himself." She added staring at the bottle in her hands before taking a pull off the bottle that made my stomach lurch. If Chloe wasn't drunk she would be here in a moment.
"W-w-what?" I stuttered stupidly. Stacie held her breath waiting for someone to finish. Chloe looked at Megan and Alex for help but it was Stacie who spoke next.
"Beca, remember that I'm right here." Her voice was only loud enough for me to hear. I let the air out of my lungs. Squeezing Stacie's arm thankfully.
"Buba fell off the theater building. He didn't jump." Chloe's voice was tiny and fragile and I had never seen her look so broken before. Not that I could remember at least. Aubrey gulped shaking her head in disagreement that Chloe were the one to tell me. The bottle now back in my hands I really felt like I couldn't breathe and tears were stinging my eyes.
"You were up there with him. Drunker than ever and you were catatonic. Buba offered to go and talk you down and bring you home. He was always the best at that and none of us thought anything of it. Lindsey went with him knowing that you always listened to her no matter what state you were in." More sadness rushed through me at the mention of my childhood best friend's name, I didn't know it was possible to feel this much pain all at once. Megan was now holding Alex's hand as she spoke. A glint of guilt flashed through Megan's brown eyes. "You were walking along the edge of the roof and lost your footing, Buba moved forward to pull you back and he was moving too fast to stop and he fell. You fell backwards and broke your skull. Lindsey called 911 and got you to the hospital. He died on impact." My stomach lurched and I tripped over my chair turning from the group to empty my stomach into the trees behind us.
"Chloe it's okay, I've got her." Stacie's voice floated over the darkness. When all the contents in my stomach were laying in front of me I felt Stacie's cold hand pick me up and cradle me silently. Chloe's sobs were echoing in my brain and my sisters'. "Come on small fry I know it's hard to hear but let them finish okay. And then we can go wherever you want." I looked at her fearfully. "I promise." She added with a sympathetic smile. I stood up and walked back to the group, grabbing the bottle and taking a pull in hopes of getting the horrid taste of stomach acid out of my mouth. Stacie poured another round, her attempt at calming our nerves and making it easier for them to talk effectively working. Chloe was fiddling with the ring around her neck again.
"We were engaged." I stated gaining everyone's undivided attention. My eyes filled with anger as I looked at my girlfriend who had once been my fiancé. "You left me." My voiced hitched. I took a long drink. Stacie whispered for me to slow down a little bit. "You lied to me. Every single day." Tears falling again at the betrayal I felt. "I gave you opportunities to tell me. Every time I brought up those dreams or memories. Every time I said I swore I knew you. At the hospital when I told you I remembered seeing you at the tattoo shop." My head pounded as I replayed what I had just said in my head over and over. "Why Chloe?"
"I was afraid to lose you Beca." She sobbed into her hands now. I stared emotionless at the older woman. After gulping a couple breaths down, she looked up. "I went to LA after your accident. I lived in the apartment we picked out for two full years. I taught at the college like I was supposed to but none of it felt right. I felt empty, the apartment felt empty and I was lost. So I did the only thing I could think of. I came home. Beca you are my home. I had no idea what to expect when I came here that night. I hoped you would remember me, us. But you didn't. I decided that starting over, pretending that we were strangers and getting to know each other all over again was better than trying not to love you." Her confession had most of the group in tears but I just sat like a deer in the headlights. "I figured if you didn't love me after meeting me again and getting to know me then I would figure out how to get on with my life but I couldn't spend the rest of my life knowing I never even tried." She finished and fell into body trembling sobs. I tried to fight down the feeling of love that was growing in my heart and remembered that she still left. I turned to my sisters and shook my head.
"You had no right to chase her off. You had no right to decide what I could and couldn't handle. You had no right to lie to me about my brother and you have no right to pretend like you did all this for my wellbeing. You were being purely selfish by not wanting to help me with the recovery of what happened or trying to help me get my memories back. You ran all my friends and my fiancé off. You ruined my life." I stopped as a thought flashed through my mind. "I-it sh-should have been me." I stammered when I realized the hand I played in my brother's accident.
"Don't say that Beca." Stacie practically shouted, her eyes finally filling with tears. I stood up quickly.
"Can we go now? I can't listen anymore." Stacie nodded and asked if someone would take Cynthia home. Aubrey muttered something to Jesse who pointed at a now shattered Chloe and nodded. Stacie followed me to my car and I tossed her the keys. Clutching the bottle to my chest I stopped to look back at the house.
"Beca?" I small voice drifted from the shadows on the side of the house. I knew it was Chloe before the figure emerged. I hesitated before walking toward her. She looked as if she desperately wanted to reach out and touch me but she suppressed the desire and kicked at the rocks beneath her feet. "I'm so sorry. I wanted to tell you but I couldn't figure out how or when." Honesty rippled through her voice. I lifted her chin with my hand. "I know you probably hate me." Her voice was tiny and guilt tore through me seeing the woman that stole my heart so broken. I smashed my lips into her perfect mouth. The kiss rough and angry at first but softened. I pulled back for air, the kiss leaving a fresh sting in my heart. I kissed her again pulling her into my body as close as physically possible. Desperate for the relief of her love to wash through me. I realized I was crying when I pulled away again. Smashing my mouth into lips again with anger. Twisted my hand roughly into her long red curls. When the kiss stopped I rested forehead against her head.
"I could never hate you Chloe Beale." I whispered knowing the words were true. "I love you." I stopped as a dagger twisted in my heart. "You just broke my heart. I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry." The words almost got caught in my throat. I wanted to take the back as soon as they left my mouth but I couldn't. Instead I grabbed her waist and pulled her hips into mine before placing my hand on her warm cheek and wiping the tears with my thumb. I kissed her one more time, slower and more painful than the last before turning on my heels and walking to the car. Knowing that I couldn't look back or I wouldn't be able to go. The anger and pain I was feeling would ruin her in the end and I couldn't live with destroying the angel that was Chloe Beale. I closed the door to the car and looked at Stacie was had tears in her eyes from the scene that she had just witness. I rolled the window down and asked her to get on the freeway and drive until we were a few hours away. She nodded slowly and did as I asked. I stared up at the stars and muttered under my breath. "Chloe I'm sorry that I left you when I promised not to. I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm just trying to protect you like you all tried to protect me. I understand why you did it, even if it wasn't their place to make that decision. I'm just too self-destructive and it isn't fair to make you spend the rest of your life picking up the miserable pieces of mine. I believe in what you did for me. I just need you to believe in me one more time and trust that I'm trying to do my best here. I would rather cut it off now and hurt you then you spend the rest of your life hating me for being mad at myself for what I did to Buba. What I did to my family. I don't hate you. I love you so much it's going to kill me." Stacie sat in silence even though I know she heard every word I said.
For real guys I know this chapter is kind of long but a lot of stuff was crammed in and I have so many great ideas on where to go with this story but your feed back would be extremely appreciated.