"Well... It was a lovely ceremony," Narcissa sighed as she kicked her shoes off and flopped onto the bed. Lucius snorted as he dropped his cufflinks tidily into a box and shrugged off his robes.
"It was a nightmare. I hope Rodolphus doesn't do anything stupid. Like kill Evan."
"Don't you think that, if he was going to kill Evan, he would have done it after the reception when he smashed the champagne glass over his head?"
Lucius sighed and pulled off his shirt and draped it over a chair to be collected by the elves. "No. More than likely he's biding his time." He walked over to the closet to put his shoes away and hang up his belt. Narcissa watched his restless movements patiently. "Are you sleeping like that?" he asked as he finished undressing and approached the bed. She grinned up at him.
"No, but I'm terribly sleepy- take my clothes off for me?" she rolled onto her stomach and twitched her chin towards the button closures running down her spine. After a moment's hesitation, he nodded, and began unfastening her dress with a clinical indifference. Immediately, she stopped him. "Lucius," she murmured, twisting around and lifting herself to kiss him. "In case you're unclear," she whispered against his lips, "that meant 'Let's have sex.'" She kissed him again and settled onto her stomach once more. Instantly, the hands on her back became warm and caressing, running down her spine and pressing warm kisses to the smooth skin there. She rolled over and smiled lazily up at him as he buried his face in her neck. Her head fell to the side, but her mindless contentment evaporated as she caught sight of his left arm as he braced himself above her.
"Narcissa, I lo-"
"It's so ugly," she blurted at the same moment. "Sorry- what were you saying?"
"Nothing," he replied guiltily, but frowning as her words registered. "What's ugly?"
"That." She nodded at his arm and began to sit up, giving him no choice but to rise as well. As he attempted to pull his arm away, she seized his wrist, examining the Mark closely.
"Narcissa," he tugged gently, trying in vain to persuade her to release him.
Curious, she reached out to stroke the grotesque tattoo, but he yanked his arm back, tone sharp as he hissed, "Don't!"
Narcissa's eyes widened and she blinked in shock. However, she recovered and folded her hands in her lap. "Alright. Will it hurt you if I do?"
He didn't reply, refusing to meet her eye.
"Lucius..." she crawled forward to stroke his cheek. "Tell me about it."
"No." His voice was quiet but in no way uncertain.
"Lucius, I want to know," she persisted, scooting even closer, so that she was nearly in his lap. Lips pressed tightly together, he shook his head. "Lucius,"
"No!" For a moment, just a second, he was the same figure that had terrified her throughout her years of school and the early days of their marriage, fearsome and heartless and overpoweringly cold. She tumbled away from him and was out of bed before she'd thought twice. Immediately, his expression turned regretful, and he held out a hand in hopes of coaxing her back. She did not accept the offer. He let the hand fall.
"I'm sorry, Narcissa. I-" he broke off abruptly, rubbing his face and exhaling sharply. "Fuck it. I seem to spend half my time apologizing these days. I'm not sorry. This isn't something between the two of us. You aren't involved in this. I won't tell you about it."
"We promised to tell each other everything."
There was a long stretch of silence. Lucius did not respond.
"I didn't think this would be so difficult," Narcissa confessed at last. "I thought once I took that first step, everything would fall into place, you know? That it would turn out we were really just perfect for each other and I was just being stubborn. It's not so easy as all that, is it?"
Lucius turned away, rising and walking over to stare out the windows into the blackness of the night. His arms were crossed and his shoulders tense, and when he finally replied, his words were clipped and void of feeling. "Yes, I suppose it can be difficult to love me, can't it? Someone so... what was it you used to tell your sister I was? Scarcely human? Something along that line..."
"Don't bring that up! It was a long time ago, things are different now. It's just that we're very different people, Lucius, our personalities just don't... don't mesh, easily. I'm not saying we can't fall in love, we're just not..." Soul mates. Meant for each other. "Well. We just need to learn, is all."
"'We' don't need to learn anything. I love you. I love you so much that I look at you and I can't breathe. It causes me physical pain, seeing you, touching you, making love to you and knowing that, sure, you like me well enough, but that you wish it was him, and you'd still choose him. In a heartbeat. Over not just me, but our son. I know what it's like to love someone more than myself, and I know that's how you feel about him, but that you love him more than both yourself and whatever part of me you see in Draco... Narcissa-" he broke off, resting his forehead against the windowpane, his breath fogging the glass. "I try not to tell you how much I love you. It's on the tip of my tongue every moment of every day. I want to be allowed to love you, to kiss you in the morning without wondering if it will be a morning when you dreamt about him the night before, if you'll pull away, just for a second, because you don't want to wake up beside me.
"I won't tell you about what I've done, what I still do, because I cannot let that world touch you or our son. It's to better our way of life, and you know that. You don't love me; there is no implicit understanding or forgiveness between us. You would not forgive me my crimes. You'd never let me touch you again. And I can't... I can't go back to living like we were before. If you'd never wanted to try, I would have survived, but now..." he stopped, and drew a ragged breath. "I have nothing left to give you. I cannot love you more. You have all the riches you could ever want at your fingertips. I have offered you freedom at my own expense. I kept everything to myself for the longest time, but then you wanted it all and I gave it freely, gladly, hoping that it would bring you happiness. It has not and I have nothing left. I cannot change who I was born as, though Merlin knows I would if I could and you asked it of me. I can do nothing more than wait and hope that one day you will decide to love me, too. I am begining to see, however, that that day is unlikely to come. So maybe one day it will just be enough for you. Enough that you can make it through one day without struggling to smile because you think it will appease me, enough that you will accept the life you have been given. It's not a life I want you to have, but it's the best I can do."
Narcissa blinked, reallizing only when he fell silent that tears were streaming down her face.
"It's not a matter of choice," she told him thickly. "Of course I would choose to love you- why would I want to love someone else? It's just-"
"That you can't," Lucius interjected bitterly.
"You're not unlovable, so stop trying to act as though that's the problem. I will. I will love you."
"When, Narcissa?" he asked softly, fist resting against the cool glass.
"I don't..." she grit her teeth in frustration. "I don't know, Lucius."
He sighed and drew away from the window at last, not meeting her eyes as he returned to bed. "If you'd like, you may sleep elsewhere. I do not want you to feel obligated to stay in here."
"I want to. You know I want to- do you really not see the progess we've made?" she demanded, anger lashing out as she sat abruptly back on the edge of the be beside him. "Don't tell me about being a Death Eater; that's fine. But don't tell me you love me and then to go sleep somewhere else, because that isn't fine. I'm your wife. It doesn't matter who made that decision or how either of us feel about it, because despite what you believe, I care for you and I adore our son, and I would never abandon you both; not now." Narcissa was pleased with how certain she sounded.
"Forget I said anything," he replied icily. "Continue with your 'progress' and if forget that I love you; please, just don't ask about this," he gestured to his left forearm, "again."
As he lay down, facing away from her, Narcissa stuggled to understand the sick, panicked feeling in the pit of her stomach. Her mind was screaming that she couldn't let him go to sleep angry with her; that they needed to fix things right now lest this be one more festering sore between them.
"Lucius-" Of course, there was a way she would always win. Starved of physical contact his entire life, it was impossible for him to shake her off or brush her aside when she reached out to touch him. And this was precisely what she did; running her hand from his shoulder to his fingertips, stroking his back and kissing his neck. It was only a moment before her rolled over and pulled her into his arms, her touch far more reassuring to him than words could ever be, even if it was just as much of a lie.
"Cissy! Oh, and I see you've brought Draco. Glad you could make it!"
"Er, yes. Hello." Narcissa smiled at Lysandra, still unsure of what to do with the sudden friendliness.
"Well, dear, come meet everyone. Lucius, all the men are meeting in Rabby's study down the hall. Now, come alond to the veranda, Cissy. This is Cathleen Crouch, Briony Aubrey, Laetitia Avery, Renata Baddock, and..." she paused at the last woman, and there was obvious dislike in her voice as she dismissively announced, "Adrienne MacDougal."
"Call me Ari, and Lysandra, it's been Parkinson for over a year now." She smiled blandly at Lysandra but gave Narcissa true grin.
"Ah, yes, silly me, old habits, you know... Dear Narcissa, do come sit between me and Lettie."
Laetitia moved aside to allow andelf to bring another low, wicker chair for Narcissa. As soon as she was seated, however, Ari sprang to her feet, and Narcissa noticed for the first time that the young woman was the only other lady at the table with a child.
"If you'll all excuse me for a moment, Pansy's fussing again..."
As soon as she was out of earshot, the other women began talking rapidly.
"What a dreadful mother, that baby's always fussing-"
"- that girl's atrocious hair, she wears it so short. I don't know why her husband lets her-"
"Girls, girls," Lysandra silenced them. "Cissy doesn't know about Adrienne yet."
Cathleen leaned forward, eyes narrowed with dislike. "She's only just out of Hogwarts. With a baby already. She's not a proper lady with a respectable child like you, Narcissa- Draco is a beautiful little boy, by the way. No, her husband, Britt Parkinson, well he only married her because he got her pregnant!"
"Now," scolded Briony lightly, "You mustn't say such crude things. Although Britt is twenty nine, a decade older than she is, and before he got engage to that dreadful little girl..." She glanced over at Laetitia sympathetically, placing a hand on her friend's arm. "Our dear Lettie was expecting a proposal any day. But because darling Lettie behaved herself as a proper lady and not some wanton little-"
"Bree, language, we're all ladies here," Lysandra chided breezily. "The only reason she's here today is that Rabby's good friend's with Britt, and insisted that both he and his wife and their little brat come along."
As soon as she finished, Ari reappeared around the corner. "Did I miss anything?" she asked expectantly, glacing around the table.
"No, not at all. I believe Narcissa was just telling us all where she got those gorgeous robes."
"Oh, er, right," Narcissa replied uncomfortably. "My sister actually sent it from Paris. She's... er... on holiday there."
"Ooh, your sister Bellatrix?" Cathleen leaned forward, eyes bright. "We were in the same year at Hogwarts. She married Lyssa's terrifying brother-in-law, didn't she?"
"Rodolphus is just a nightmare," Lysandra groaned, and Narcissa founded herself nodding earnestly in agreement. "I hate it when he visits. He yells and he breaks things I know Rabby can hardly stand being around him..."
"I think he's funny," Ari offered lightly and unexpectedly, taking a daintly sip of tea. "Britt invites him over some times, and they drink and get pissed and have just a riot of a time." She smiled widely but without emotion. The other women exchanged looks, and Lysandra quickly changed the topic.
"So, is everybody looking forward to the ball next week the the new Rosiers are hosting? I would have thought the new little Mrs. Rosier wouldn't be up to an event so soon after her wedding, but I suppose we'll see..."
"Does anyone else wonder how they have sex?" Ari piped up. "I mean honestly, if the tiniest little noise could startle her into cardiac arrest- how bad must Evan be?"
Narcissa's fingers flew to her mouth. Several of the others gasped. Oh, Merlin, she covered her mouth with both hands. I mustn't giggle. The mustn't see me smile. Narcissa bit her lip, hard, hoping the pain would take the shimmer of laughter from her eyes.
"I should go put Draco down for a nap," she managed, rising to her feet, almost losing her composure at the sight of Cathleen's outrageously offended expression.
"Yes, Pansy's getting a bit sleepy too." Ari rose as well, her own grin barely concealed. "Is there a room we might borrow?"
"Upstairs second left," Lysandra hissed, eyes mutinous.
"Thanks!"
The two women left in silence, but once they were safely away from the others, Ari turned to address Narcissa.
"I hope you won't listen to what they say about me. I'm really not a monster, and Britt hardly said three words to that awful Laetitia in his whole life. She's just not used to men acknowledging her at all, because she has such a viscious reputation. Britt was only being polite; the notion that he wanted marry her is absurd." She pushed open the door Lysandra had described. "I know I'm years younger, but that doesn't matter. Their logic is stupid- I wasn't pregant until five months after Britt and I married, they just can't count. Or won't. Neither would surprise me. But you seem much lovlier than any of them; I like you. You needn't say anything, I don't wish to make you uncomfortable-" she stifled a giggle. "I just like making them uncomfortable, the hypocrites. As if they don't wonder the same things. As if Cathleen didn't sleep with Rodolphus before he married your sister!" Immediately Ari burst into peals of laughter. "She wanted to marry him so badly, she followed him around at parties and social events until his wedding! And now, acting as though she's as scared of his as everyone else..."
Narcissa felt herself beginning to laugh as well, but fought to quell it. It wouldn't do to laugh at Rabastan's wife's friends. She owed that to her oldest friend.
"As though Lysandra and Renata weren't talking before the wedding about Evan and Caroline fucking- oh, look, there's a balcony. D'you mind if I smoke?"
"I... suppose not?"
"I swore I'd quit after I got pregnant, and I mostly did- didn't have a single one while I was, but being around these five..." she shook her head, causing her bobbed black hair to bounce as she headed outside. Narcissa followed.
"So, how did you and Britt meet, then?"
"Oh, he was a friend of my oldest brother. We met when I was eight, right after he graduated Hogwarts."
Narcissa's eyebrows raised involuntarily and Ari's gave a wry smile as she exhaled a cloud of smoke.
"I get that reaction a lot. It sounds strange, I know, but it just feels so perfect..." She smiled blissfully at Narcissa, and the blonde's hesitation immediately evaporated. She was intimately familiar with that look, alothough she herself had not worn it for some time.
"Anyway, let's get back to the vipers." Ari hastily extinguished her cigarette. "You won't want to hang around me too much when they can see- It won't do to spoil your pristine reputation by being around the likes of me." Ari gave a short laugh. "But seriously, do feel free to owl anytime- like I said, Narcissa, I think I quite like you."
As they approached the porch once more, Narcissa recognized a new voice. She couldn't place it, but when the sixth woman came in to view, her stomach gave an unpleasant lurch and she stumbled to a halt.
"Jen, darling, do you know Narcissa Malfoy?"
"Oh, yes," Jennifer Yaxley replied with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "I know her. Lovely to see you again, Narcissa."
"Rabby and Jen's husband are just such good friends," Lysandra told Narcissa.
"Oh, she knows," Jen interrupted mildly.
"You would, wouldn't you?" Lysandra said with a little laugh. "You and Rabby being so close in your school years..."
"And she dated my husband, didn't you? Well," Jen took an innocent sip of tea. "I'm sure you're perfectly happy with Lucius, but I consider myself lucky that you gave him up!"
"I... of course. I'm quite happy with Lucius. And I'm happy for you, too."
"Is that Cissy I hear?" All the women turned as Rabastan appeared with the rest of the men, smiling. Narcissa leapt to her feet to embrace him, more thankful than she could possibly convey for the intrusion.
"We're all finished discussing business, and couldn't bear to be away from you lovely women any longer," he continued, patting Narcissa's back before drawing away to give his wife a peck on the cheek. "Lysandra, my love."
Lysanddra nodded coolly, clearly displeased despite the evident adoration in his gaze as he regarded her. Narcissa watched the group curiously. A tall, handsome man she didn't recognize brushed past the others to pull Ari into is arms, the look of pure joy in his eyes immediately lending proof to Ari's version of their love. Lucius was standing towards the back; not so far as to seem awkward, but just enough to unconciously remind everyone that he was slighly superior, even when surrounded by peers.
Merlin, no wonder nobody likes him. Narcissa smiled and walked determinedly over to him, linking her arm through his.
"Darling, I've just put Draco down for a nap."
He nodded, but was watching her with intent suspicion, as though waiting for something.
Surely he doesn't expect me to kiss him. What did he want? They were in public, he couldn't think she'd do any more than hold his arm-- they weren't that kind of couple...
Maybe it was something else. Maybe he'd wanted Draco down here so they could leave right away? Actually, that was a good idea. Maybe she could say she heard him crying and go fetch him... Lysandra would probably say she, too, was a poor mother, but at this point hardly cared...
"Er, hello, Cissy."
She glanced up in surprise, noticing for the first time that Rodtimer was hovering not a meter away.
"Mort!" she exclaimed, suddenly at a loss. How could she not have seen him the moment he walked into the room? Her eyes had always been drawn to him like a magnet, she could always sense his presence. She'd even just seen his wife, after all, and known full well he was here! He was the love of her life, after all!
Anyway. So he's here.
Narcissa couldn't understand her numb apathy, but moved forward to embrace him regardless. That must be it- numbness that comes with shock. She'd be breathless and estactic soon enough, especially once she melted into his arms, fitting like two puzzle pieces.
Except he was sort of pulling her hair the way his arm was around her shoulder. Never mind that- surely she couldn't feel the discomfort though her joy. Only... ouch- she could, and if he squeezed her any tighter she might suffocate. Besides, he seemed to be wearing an inordinate amount of aftershave. Patiently, Narcissa held her breath and waited; it was a small price to pay for holding the love of her life again.
Speaking of which, how long was this going to go on? Undoubtedly Jennifer would be interrupting any moment, the dreadful woman.
Why wasn't she interrupting?
"It's wonderful to see you," Narcissa said from his shoulder. Her drew away, grinning, and Narcissa felt a flutter in her chest. There we go. That's better.
"You look beautiful, Cissy. How's Draco?"
"Oh, getting bigger every day!" she replied with a laugh. "He's just the best little boy."
"That's great." For a moment they were silent.
"Anyway, how have you been? You and Rabastan still spend time together?"
"Oh yeah, loads. And Lysandra's a sweetheart, isn't she? Glad he's done so well for himself."
"Yes, me too." Narcissa's eyes sought the large timepiece on mantle. "Is it really three thirty? Goodness, Lucius, we have to go! Remember that... thing... you have to do?"
"Ah, yes, the meeting with Madam Marchbanks in regards to Draco's primary schooling. Thank you for reminding me, dear. Look, the elves are already here with your cape." He held it up and she stepped back so he could drape it over her shoulders. As he fastened it, he place he placed his lips to her ear and murmured, "You're the worst liar I've ever seen. Are you sure they put you in Slytherin?"
Narcissa laughed and swatted his hands aside. "I'll go get the baby. Give our apologies, won't you?"
"Of course."
"Leaving already?" Lysandra drifted over, looking put out. "The afternoon's barely started! Well then I must insist, Narcissa, that you come over Sunday afternoon. It'll just be the two of us, and I would so like to get to know you better."
"I'll be looking forward to it, and thank you for a lovely time today."
(A/N: Adrienne (Ari) is borrowed with permission from PeevesthePoltergeist, with some obvious changes of my own. Sorry for the long wait, everybody!)