Chapter three

There were times that Harry would explain to his friends that he needed to be alone, so he was going for a walk. They knew that Harry was having a hard time, most people didn't believe him or Dumbledore that Voldemort was back. Harry had Umbridge out to get him and they could see how much stress he was under, he never joined in with conversations, he never smiled or laughed, he was having trouble in his classes and they weren't sure how to help him. So those times when Harry said he was going for a walk, they knew he meant he needed to be alone. But Harry wasn't going to be alone, he was going to meet Sirius. He'd seen the large black dog at the edge of the forbidden forest staring up at the castle which was the sign to Harry that Sirius would be waiting for him. That day had been terrible since he woke, well, not since he woke, but since he went to Hogsmeade, but he did what was needed, something he didn't want to do but knew he had no choice now he just hoped it worked out.

Even though it was close to dinner, Harry didn't feel like eating, he hardly had an appetite anymore and just couldn't sit in the great hall with Umbridge giving him her sadistic looks, it made Harry feel sick. Sometimes when Harry was up in the dorm room, trying to get away from the looks that people were giving him, he'd call Dobby who would bring him some food, even though he didn't want to eat, he knew he had to. He had to keep his strength up for whatever Voldemort had planned.

Harry ignored the looks and snide comments as he walked down through the castle and out into the darkening grounds. He looked around and casually walked to where he always sits when he needs time, at the black lake. When he knew he wasn't being watched, he would make his way to the forbidden forest, stand for a few minutes gazing into the trees, or that's what people would think if they looked his way, but Harry was staring into the eyes of Padfoot. He waited another few minutes, casually looked around then hurried in to through the trees then followed Sirius to a very dense section of forest before the dog was gone and the man stood before Harry. He took his wand out and cast some charms before holding out his arms to Harry who ran to him. They stood there holding each other tight, just revelling in the feel of each other.

'God I missed you Sirius.' Harry said feeling himself choke up as he held onto the man he loved.

'I know, I do too, but sit with me, tell me how everything is pup,' Sirius sat and pulled Harry onto his lap.

'Umbridge is getting worse, I can't walk around anywhere without people calling me a liar, they won't believe he's back Sirius. How do we convince them he is, there must be something we can do?'

'We're trying love, just have a bit of patients,' Sirius kissed him gently then picked up his hand ready to kiss his palm but saw the back of his hand, 'What's this?'

Harry pulled his hand out of Sirius, 'Nothing,' he lowered his head.

'Harry, what is it?' Sirius grabbed his hand back and stared, 'Oh fuck, that bitch.'

'Don't Sirius, please, if you're seen they'll send you away, please, its fine, I'm handling it. I can't lose you.' Harry was panicked, he couldn't let Sirius go after Umbridge.

Sirius closed his eyes and took a couple of deep breaths trying to control his temper. He heard the panic in Harry's voice, and he had enough to worry about right now. So he calmed down then he slowly opened his eyes.

'Tell me.'

'I have to use this quill, no ink. I write lines and it appears in my blood.'

'Have you told Albus or Minerva?'

'Dumbledore won't even look at me,' Harry said angrily as he shook his head, 'He still won't explain how I saw Mr. Weasley get attacked, he's so frustrating. Professor McGonagall knows what's going on, but she can't do anything. She'll end up sacked next if she did anything. I don't want to stay Sirius, can't I leave, please?'

'No, you have to stay, at least for now. If this doesn't get sorted then I'm telling Albus I'm taking you out of here, just give it a bit more time. We're hoping Voldemort shows himself or something happens to let people know he is back.'

'Why is he hiding, I don't get it?'

'We don't know, the only thing we believe it that it's causing Albus problems and no one is listening to him anymore. Voldemort knows if Albus gets enough support it could cause him problems. So staying hidden makes it look like you and Albus are lying. But tell me how the DA is going?'

'That's good, everyone is practicing hard and learning what they need.'

'Did you do what I ask, Albus was getting a little suspicious, we need to throw him off.'

'Yes, I kissed Cho and we went out on a date, to Hogsmeade, but it didn't go well and she's a crier, I can't stand girls crying.'

'So you were seen with Cho, everyone thinks you like her?'

'Yes, I acted well Sirius, so don't worry. After the disastrous date, I'm not sure if we'll see each other again, I just don't get girls. But I did something, I'm sure you'll be okay but I'm not sure if anyone else will. See, Hermione asked me to meet her in the Three Broomsticks at lunch time, so I told Cho that and that's the reason she cried, I don't get her. Anyway, when I met Hermione she was with Skeeter. You know what Hermione told her, so I couldn't work out why Hermione was there with that bitch. Well, Hermione blackmailed her to write my full story about seeing Voldemort return, it's going to be in the Quibbler, Luna Lovegood's father's magazine. She's not sure when that issue will be out, she said her father will send us copies.'

'You sat and told the full story, blimey Harry,' Sirius wrapped his arms around him, 'I hope this works because that is a damn good idea of Hermione's. But it could make things worse for you, they might think you still after attention.'

'I know, but after that breakout from Azkaban, I've noticed some people have changed their attitude towards me. Seamus, the other boy that shares my dorm, he apologised to me and is now in the DA. I think it's making people wonder if maybe Dumbledore and I were telling the truth, I don't know though, so that on top of this interview might just make a difference. But can we talk later, I'm horny here, I haven't had you in two weeks.'

Sirius laughed in his bark like laughter before he started undressing Harry, first by taking his shoes and socks off, then Harry pulled his invisibility cloak out of his jacket and put it aside. Sirius conjured a blanket, then stood Harry up and finished undressing him before letting Harry undress him. Then they were all hands, mouths, tongues and hard-on's.

Because of the breakout from Azkaban and Harry's interview in the Quibbler, people were finally starting to believe Harry and Dumbledore, but it was making Umbridge worse, she was cruel and as far as most people believed, she was sadistic. Sirius was around all the time now because he knew Harry needed him with what Umbridge was making him do and how hard his life was because of her and Fudge. So over the next few weeks Harry would sneak out every night, using his cloak and map, the two men would make love all over Hogwarts, even using the quidditch changing rooms. Sirius realised how much all this was getting to Harry, because he clung to him when they were together and seemed really agitated when he had to head back to the castle. Sirius wished he could do more for Harry, but for now, he couldn't.

When Umbridge seemed to radiate anger, and everyone was having a hard time trying to learn with her around, they became wary of her. Then the DA was caught and Dumbledore protected Harry before leaving. Even though Harry understood what Dumbledore had done, it made him feel more alone. Dumbledore was the one person that Voldemort ever feared and if Dumbledore was now gone from Hogwarts would that mean Voldemort would find a way in, was Umbridge really a supporter of his, most people thought so. During their test for their O.W.L.s, Fred and George Weasley left in a spectacular fashion. As Harry watched the Weasley twins leave, he saw it, Sirius. Harry collapsed seeing one of his worst nightmare play out in his mind.

After escaping Umbridge and her inquisitorial squad, Harry, Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Neville and Luna flew to the ministry on thestrals. They were racing to save Sirius, Harry had to save him from Voldemort, but when they get there, Voldemort wasn't there, just his death eaters, but Harry couldn't find Sirius anywhere. He doesn't know if Voldemort took him or killed him. Harry could hardly breathe with the pain of those thoughts, he was so scared that it almost paralysed him, but he's friends were now in danger, so he had to stay focused.

The fighting and running seemed to go on for hours and now they were all separated, trying to stay alive. But eventually the friends all end up together, but in worse danger. Death eaters have hold of all his friends, Harry is frantic trying to work out what to do, not just for his friends, but for Sirius as well. He was just about to hand over the prophecy to Lucius Malfoy when Sirius appears beside him and belts Malfoy in the mouth. Harry felt like his whole body was going to collapse in relief knowing Sirius was alive and safe. Then the fighting starts again, but no matter what, Harry stays beside Sirius and they fight side by side.

Harry stares in horror as Sirius gets hit in the chest by the green jet of light from Bellatrix Lestranges curse, the killing curse. He starts screaming with rage as Sirius fall and disappears through the veil, then arms are tight around him trying to hold him. But the pain, the anger, the agonising anguish Harry is feeling at the loss of the man he loved overwhelms him and he breaks free from Remus' arms and chases the woman that took Sirius from him, that took his love.

Even with the fight between Voldemort and Dumbledore, even with the minister seeing the truth with his own eyes that Voldemort was back, even with his friends staring sadly at him, seeing how broken he was, Harry couldn't feel anything, he felt dead inside, his heart felt like it disintegrated and there was nothing left. He didn't even feel Dumbledore's arms around him then placing his hands on something and he was gone, gone from the last place he saw Sirius, and he felt gone from his body.

Over the next couple of weeks, Harry was still the same, and nothing anyone said or did made a difference. He was broken, there was nothing left of him. He was told the prophecy, so he knew what he had to do, but all Harry could think of was joining Sirius. He would stand staring at the thestrals trying to decide if he should just kill himself, get it over with, because he just couldn't live with the pain of his loss, or should he just go and let Voldemort find him, let the prophecy play out that way. Either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives. If Harry let's Voldemort kill him, then prophecy fulfilled but also he would be with Sirius. He knew everyone was worried about him so he knew he was being watched, not just by his friends, but by the staff, especially Dumbledore, even then he couldn't feel anything, the pain was excruciating, it was crippling and everything inside Harry had just shut down.

A few weeks later when he was lying on his bed at the Dursleys again thinking about Sirius, something came to him. Even though Sirius was no longer here, when Harry thought that the pain shot through him again. Harry shook his head, he had to keep his thoughts off the pain, for now. Harry still knew no one could get suspicious of his real relationship with Sirius, his name was finally cleared, it would hurt Sirius' name if anyone found out they had been lovers. Sirius wanted him to go out with girls, so no one would get suspicious, Harry thought that might be the thing to do now, but also it would make sure Harry never loved anyone again, he would not allow himself to love again, he would not allow himself to feel this pain again, never again, he would be alone.

Dumbledore came to get him and take him to the Burrow with a stopover to talk Horace Slughorn into teaching, with that done, Harry was now at the Burrow. Ginny beamed at him and even though his thoughts and feeling were on Sirius, he gave her a small smile, but he knew he had to take this slow otherwise everyone would wonder why all of a sudden he had taken an interest in her. But one thing Harry knew, he had to make sure she knew that he didn't see a future between them, Harry will make her understand that he will never marry, never live with anyone and never have kids, he didn't want to hurt Ginny, he liked her, he had come to think of her as a very good friend. But Harry knew he wouldn't be around for long, but how long he just didn't know, this way, Ginny could have some nice memories of them together, something she could remember when he was gone. Even if he survived this war, he still wasn't sure he could live without Sirius. All he was going to do was date Ginny so that was so no one figured out he was gay or that he'd ever been more to Sirius than his godson. Harry was worried that if they found out he was gay, they might start to think about all the times he'd been alone with Sirius and Harry wasn't going to let Sirius get a bad name for having sex with someone underage. Hermione was the one that would pick up on anything, so he had to make sure she never got suspicious. So even though Harry would date Ginny, his heart will always belong to Sirius, the man he loved and lost.