Chapter Twenty-Nine
For the first time in his life, Hinata Shouyou makes a plan. Tries his hardest to calculate every detail down to the letter, the hardest part, in his opinion, is keeping the whole thing a secret. Kuroo had hurt him, but more importantly, the dark haired boy had injured his teammate, one that he likes at that. He devises a plan to bring Kuroo down without anyone knowing, he tells Daichi that he's going to Tokyo for a medical thing. An update on his condition. It's a lie, but his captain doesn't need to know that.
He's not sure what he wants out of this, if Kuroo apologized to Suga then Kuroo would go to jail, and Kenma might hate him for taking away his childhood friend. If he doesn't return to Miyagi with something, the guilt will make him crack, he's always hated keeping secrets.
Calling Kenma calls him down from an almost panic attack, asks the older boy some nondescript questions, what he would do in a similar situation. He doesn't give names, but he call tell that the older boy is getting suspicious when he starts dodging questions. Hinata thanks the blond for helping him, sends his love, promises to be on the first train on Friday afternoon. Two days, he realizes, he has two days to think of something. Something to help put Suga and Daichi at ease besides carrying bags and making lunches.
Daichi drags him off shopping, Suga-san comes too, he notices how the older boy starts shaking when they stand still too long. The action sets him on edge, like they're just sitting ducks waiting for Kuroo to strike them, but Suga doesn't know that Kuroo is behind it. He ends up squishing a tomato all over his hand when he notices it the first time, asks if the older boy wants to sit down with Daichi while he grabs the food. Suga waves him off, insisting that he's fine, but he can tell it's a lie when Suga starts pawing at his stomach.
"I've never been grocery shopping before." He admits while Daichi examines to strains of kelp, they appear to be different species but look identical. Suga chuckles, starts petting his hair, he tries not to flinch away for the older boy's sake but the hand retracts instantly. Guilt makes his cheeks flush, the taller boy just smiles sadly. "I think they're actually both the same." Daichi says eventually, lifting and lowering the plants to view them in different lights. Hinata shrugs, points at the one that has a speck more green on it, "I think that's the stuff in your fridge."
Daichi deposits it into their basket, ushers him towards the fruits, starts asking him what would provide the most nutritional value. "Didn't I tell you I've never done this before? I haven't even cooked rice before I moved in with you!" His captain just shrugs noncommittally, Hinata sighs deeply, pulls strawberries and forces the older boy to carry a watermelon. He's not even craving the heavy fruit, but watching Daichi awkwardly carry it around is sweeter than any fruit could be.
He ends up texting Kenma when they get into more complicated territory, asking about tea and meats. Hinata inspects all the labels on the meats, checking to see if any of them match the loaf in Daichi's fridge. Nothing. Kenma tells him that sirloin has the highest nutritional value as far as meats go, he tells Daichi and the older boy picks up what must be sirloin. He has no idea how to cook that, but Daichi just ignores him, toting around several packages of meat and their watermelon.
Suga's energy seems to pick up once they're in the tea aisle, starts asking both of them about their preferences. Daichi stares, settles the watermelon on his shoulder, and continues to stare at their teammate. Hinata stares too, just with more honest curiosity than whatever cynical thing Daichi's face is showing. "Ichigo!" He inputs, Suga nods, starts staring at Daichi. "I prefer coffee." Their captain states gravely, as if the consequences for not liking tea would be extreme. Suga's smile is almost predatory, "But I didn't ask about coffee, Daichi-san, I asked about tea." The other boy flinches at the honorific, starts listing off tea flavors that don't exist.
The silver haired boy laughs, plucks three boxes from the shelves surrounding them and settles them in their basket. He's still not sure what to make of the entire experience, prays that this will be over soon, but also hopes that Suga-san will continue to smile without teasing over tea flavors. They work their way around stalls and shelves, Suga ends up doing most of the shopping while he watches, Daichi carrying their load. "Ginger is supposed to help clear you of sickness, I also heard it was good luck." There's a can of dried ginger poised in Suga's hands, a weird expression forming over his face as he talks about the root, Hinata doesn't think it's pain but close enough to make his heart clench. "Yeah?" He asks, unsure of what else to say.
Suga looks at him suddenly, squeezes the can between long fingers. "My grandma used to make me drink it everyday." The older boy coughs into a laugh, smiles at the can in his grip, "She got sick one night, ending up choking when she tried to drink an entire pot of it." Suga's smile twists bitterly, Hinata swallows not sure how to respond to the mention of a friend's dead relative. Ends up patting the taller boy on the back, "I'll make you some ginger tea anytime you want, Suga-san." The older boy laughs, practically throws the can back onto the shelf where it had come from. "I loved her a lot, but I'm allergic to ginger." He can't but laugh at that.
He ends up taking the basket from Daichi, but doesn't let him put the watermelon back, he starts craving it the move he looks at it. The captain mumbles something under his breath, but he just nods, not sure if he would want to hear if he could. They end up grabbing a case of coffee in a can at Daichi's insistence. Suga questions the need to have twenty cans of coffee in the house, but the other boy refuses to budge. Suga ends up taking the basket, he ends up with the watermelon, and Daichi carries the coffee.
Older customers end up staring at them while they're checking out, he tries to ignore the looks and the whispers, hates the way they make his stomach clench. He loses control on his breathing before they pay for their stuff, ends up running out of the store as soon as he puts the watermelon in front of the cashier. Hinata calls Kenma, begs the older boy to help him catch his breath. "Calm down, Shouyou." Nods against the cellphone, but finds the words as irritating as they are calming. He's calm down if he could, but he can't. "Want to talk about it?" He doesn't, but agrees anyway. "They're staring at me." He's reminded of going to church with Kenma, strangers that all stare at him, judge him. "It's okay, Shouyou-chan, they're just looking at how cute you are." He splutters and blushes, tells Kenma to stop being stupid, the older boy makes a weird noise into the phone.
"I think you're cute, other people do too." He doesn't want to ask who, ends up grunting, asking for the older boy to continue talking without saying so. "Hey, Shouyou?" He hums quietly, trying to soak in the sound of Kenma's voice as much as possible. "I'm going to kiss you when you get here." He squeaks, but no words are made from the noise. "Would you like that, Shouyou-chan?" Nods against his cellphone, leans against the side of the grocery store as he imagines it. "Would you like that?" Kenma's voice is teasing now, but he can still make out the worry.
"Yes..." He mumbles, Kenma hums in return. "How's your breathing?" Shocked by the question, he pulls his attention back to his lungs, notices that he can actually draw in air and keep it. His heart is still pounding quickly, but not from panic like before. "Hinata?" Not-Kenma asks, pulls away from his phone, Daichi and Suga are both standing in front him, hands full of bags. "Thank you, I'll talk later." Kenma makes another noise, "Love you, Shouyou-chan." His face is burning now, snaps the phone closed without another word.
"Sorry!" He yells, taking all of the bags hanging from Suga's arms. "Panic attack?" The silver haired boy asks, his head jerks at the words, hate the way they sound out loud. He nods, stares at the ground. "I didn't think you had a problem with crowds." Hinata thinks it might be a question, he just shrugs, he didn't have a problem with volleyball crowds, but dozens of strangers make his head go empty. Ends up saying nothing, not sure how to word it without sounding stupid.
He refuses to talk about it as they walk to Daichi's house, his hands tremble as he looks at the entrance to it. Imagines Kuroo attacking his teammate, imagines Kuroo returning to hurt him again, or Daichi. He contemplates calling Kenma again, if only to check on the dark haired neighbor, and to calm his hard to manage breathing. Suga ends up staying late again, and he refuses to let the older boy walk into the dark, or for anyone else to leave the house until the sun is up. Suga laughs it off, stares at him almost knowingly as Daichi looks for a spare futon.
Suga helps him make dinner, he makes sure the older boy is always in his vision, just in case. Eventually he ends up just holding onto the end of Suga's shirt and cooks with one hand, he knows he's being stupid and paranoid, but Suga had already gotten hurt because he didn't think.
They end up at Daichi's study table, with bowls full of rice and seaweed soup, he doesn't start eating until Suga finishes, then watches as the two older boys start working on school stuff. He wonders what Suga is going to do in college, doesn't remember if Daichi had told him or not. Maybe he can work at Daichi's bike store... and never leave. He ends up staring at Suga instead of eating dinner, trying to translate the wrinkles on his face into a possible career. I could just ask but... he looks busy. He's not sure if he should interrupt for a stupid question, or if Suga will get mad talking about college.
The question still rattles in his mind as he does the dishes, occasionally glancing at the silver haired boy for more hints. He comes up blank, decides that Suga could do anything and maybe everything. Hinata ends up playing Animal Crossing while Daichi finishes his schoolwork. "Don't you have something to work on?" Suga asks when he starts talking to Hanna, he looks up at the older boy and shrugs. He did have homework, but he didn't bring it with him, and had almost no intention of doing it until class started the next day. He shakes his head, feels almost guilty for lying.
"If you don't understand something, we can help you." Suga offers with a smile.
"N-no thanks, I'm probably too far behind to catch up anyway." He laughs about it, but nobody joins him, Suga ends up staring with cocked brows. Hinata realizes his mistake all too quickly, sighs to himself, and saves his game. He had a terrible feeling about this.
Suga ends up yelling at him while forcing him to learn from third year books, he literally had no idea what the older boy is even trying to teach him, ends up nodding whenever he gets stared at too long. "You should really improve on your academics, Shouyou, don't you want to go pro?" Not sure how those things relate, he just frowns at the older boy, waits for an explanation. Suga rolls his eyes, "Well, you can't get onto a pro team -or even a good one, right out of high school. Which means..." I have to go to university. I'm going to die. I haven't done homework since school started, my life is over. I have no home and no future. Hinata ends up crying into Suga's mathematics book, whimpering about his hopeless future.
He ends up actually studying for an hour, Suga promises that if he can understand calculus he can understand algebra. Not knowing he was even taking Algebra, Hinata allows the older boy to explain mathematical principles as simply as possible. The older boy offers him a math problem, Hinata stares at it, Suga stares at him. Daichi's making tea even though they just had dinner, offers him the Ichigo. He starts thinking about Tokyo instead of the value of X.
There's a sudden urge to tell Suga everything he knows, that the Nekoma captain is the one that hurt him, that the dark haired boy brought on his fear of the darkness with barking laughter and flashes of light. Suga-san had offered to help him only because he didn't know the truth about everything.
Crawling into bed with Daichi, he stares at Suga as the older boy pulls off stiff bandages, replaces them with different ones. The wounds look half healed, most of the older boy's skin melding back together seamlessly. The setter wouldn't have scars, but he'd always be a messenger. He wonders if Suga will ever forget, thinks about all the things that he would never forget as well. Hinata allows himself to sleep when he notices that both of the other boys are already doing so, he left for Tokyo tomorrow after school, had until then to perfect his plan.
Hinata thinks about Tokyo and confronting Kuroo in between every action he does, wonders if the older boy will threaten him or laugh at him, confess to the act and asks who he's going to tell. Thinks about the pictures, pictures from the dark, and tries to steel his nerves. If Kuroo sent those pictures, everyone would hate him, but Suga-san would have an answer, could get closure. "Coffee stunts your growth." Kageyama ended up at his desk without him knowing, he stares at the taller boy, almost threatens to fight him. Decides it wouldn't be worth it, he'd need his strength if he had to fight Kuroo.
"No, it doesn't."
"Yes, it does."
"No- who even told you that?"
Kageyama pauses, stuffs a messy ball of rice and seaweed into his mouth, "My mother." The setter says, words muffled by food. Hinata blinks, he's never met Kageyama's family, doesn't know if Kageyama's mother has even seen coffee or is a coffee scientist of some sort. He doesn't feel like asking.
"I'll be fine." Drains the rest of the can to lament the fact, but it leaves him with nothing to do with his hands. Ends up attempting to study his algebra book, which is much different and more complex than calculus, for him at least, Suga had assured him that algebra was the easiest advanced math. Decides that taking the older boy's word for it was a mistake.
The rest of the day passes in a blur, except the mathematics class in which he asks why calculus is easier than algebra and the teacher just laughs at him, then runs out of the room. Hinata is left stunned, accepts awkward pats on the back for making their teacher run away, the man doesn't return. The bell rings and he rushes towards the gym with Kageyama right next to him.
He changes quickly, there was only two hours before the next train to Tokyo and he still didn't have an end goal in mind. Thought about postponing his confrontation with Kuroo, or just ditching Tokyo all together but an almost itch to see Kenma again decides for him. Kageyama stares at him when he starts stretching again, debates on telling the taller boy where he was going but decides he doesn't need more questions besides the ones he already had.
Daichi waves him off, tells him to be safe and take care of himself. He nods, grabs the two bags with his only possessions and sneaks onto the afternoon train to Tokyo. The ride is longer than he remembers, he takes shifts staring at his phone and making up backstories for the passengers that sit next to him. One of them, a grumpy looking old man, asks him to stand and he ends up dangling from a nearby handle until the jerk leaves. He tells Kenma that Nippori station is half an hour away. He's only slightly disappointed that Kenma doesn't want to come pick him up, he's pretty sure that he was promised a kiss as soon as he arrives in Tokyo, but can't help but smile when the train finally stops.
Jumping from the train to the station, he takes in the loud city around him, so different from any place in Miyagi. It's also raining, and Hinata isn't sure why that surprises him. He's still smiling while he walks through obnoxiously large puddles, following flocks of umbrellas that keep him partially dry he ends up in Nakameguro quickly. He takes in the sights as they pass, slowing his pace to soak up each sensation, even stops between one of the bridges and stares into the swirling mess of water below. The river is almost bleak in color, matches the cement below it and the dark clouds above it, but there's something he really likes about it. Ends up staring at ripples the falling rain produces for much longer than he had anticipated.
There are no leaves on the cherry blossoms, and the cement isn't stained pink, but the bright branches still hold magic in them because they lead him towards Kenma's house. Steam bellows from the squid store, almost draws him in, but he has nothing in his wallet an even older photo of Natsu. He walks faster when he thinks about that, thinks about leaving behind Miyagi for Tokyo. Permanently. Wonders only for a second if Natsu had grown any in the time he's been gone.
Kenma's house looms over him, and his giddiness is gone almost instantly. He remembers being slammed against an identical door, flashes of light and choking. Knows that Kenma's house doesn't hold the same darkness, that there's always light and that Kenma will be there instead of anyone else. Hinata surges forward, doesn't even knock as he throws himself through the doorway and shuts it behind him.
"Ah, Shrimpy! We were just about come looking for you!" He knows that voice, almost certain he's barged into the wrong house. Kuroo is standing on the far end of the hallway, his black hair a tussled mess like it's always been. Kuroo's house. Wonders if he just imagined the flowers and Kozume etched into the gate outside. Kenma emerges soon after, Hinata can recognize the sound of his feed on the floorboards, so he doesn't have to look up to know the older boy is there.
"He wouldn't leave." Kenma offers bluntly, he nods, apologizes for bursting in and starts to take off his shoes. Kuroo was in Kenma's house. He's here. He's not sure why it surprises him, Kuroo and Kenma were neighbors and friends and volleyball partners. Of course the dark haired boy would show up at some point, Hinata just thought he would be more prepared for when that moment comes.