Chapter seven

Harry only had to wait a two weeks to get his results and as he thought, O's in every subject. He dressed, put his N.E.W.T. results in his pocket and headed for the ministry. He heard his name, people patted his back as he past, some try to talk but all Harry said was he didn't have time. He made his way up to the auror office, saw the only other auror sitting at the desk then knocked on the door and heard Kingsley's voice call to come in.

'Harry, this is a nice surprise.'

'I said I'd be in to see about becoming an auror, I'm here,' Harry pulled out his results and handed them to hopefully his new boss.

'Very good Harry, congratulations, but I wasn't expecting you so soon. I thought you might have wanted to relax for a while.'

'No, I can relax anytime, I would like to see about these tests as soon as I can.'

'Well, I can let you do the written exam now if you want and do the practical after lunch.'

'I'd like to but it is your call.'

'It's not like I can really waste time Harry, as you saw, we need aurors. It's hard right now only having two of us, if we hear about a dangerous situation that has more than three or four witches or wizards, we can't go check it out, it would be too dangerous. So,' Kingsley opened his drawer, 'take that, I'll show you to a desk. Now it will take you about three hours to finish,' Kingsley got up and stepped out into the outer rooms, then pointed at a desk, 'When you're done, come see me again.'

'I'll be there, thanks,' Harry sat down and started to read and write.

Kingsley watched Harry and from everything he remembered and heard from a few sources, Harry was exactly like he'd been told and seen. He sounded hard, cold, like he had no real emotions left inside him, Kingsley hoped that wasn't the case, but he suppose he would find out sooner or later. He expected the test to take Harry at least three hours to complete, but just over an hour he was back in the office handing over his test, then stood quietly and straight while Kingsley went over his work.

'Pass,' Kingsley looked up and the first thing he noticed was that Harry never smiled. Most new aurors when they have been told they have passed their written test, they always smile, some laugh because it was the tension of such a straining test being finished, 'Alright, there will be a couple of scenarios you will be put through. I've contacted a couple of friends to help Simon and I out with this. I've seen you duel, so I know I don't need to take you through that.'

'A lot was happening that night, maybe you should test me to see if I'm up to auror standard,' Harry said still standing stiffly and sounding emotionless.

'I did see you a lot that night Harry, you just didn't see me. Plus you have to remember that I turned up that night in the department of mysteries,' Kingsley saw Harry's face harden slightly which made him curious, 'I saw the way you were handling yourself, you were up against his worst death eaters, at one time you were up against two at once. At that time Harry I had never been up against his worst because they had been in Azkaban before then. So as you can see, I do not need to see you fight, I've seen it.'

'Anything you say.'

Kingsley sighed, 'Go back to that desk you were using, there's a book in the top right side drawer, start reading that until I finish getting everything set up.'

Harry nodded turned and left the office. He sat down, opened the drawer, picked up the book and started reading.

Over the next four hours, Kingsley admitted he was impressed with the way Harry got through every scenario he had devised. Simon who had been playing the part of a dark wizard along with another friend of Kingsley's, but none of them could believe how fast and precise Harry's spell casting was. He got both of them every time and they never got any of their spells anywhere near Harry. So he called Harry into his office and handed him a document.

'As you can see, you passed, which I knew you would. So welcome auror trainee Potter,' Kingsley put his hand out to Harry who gave his one quick hard shake and again Kingsley was stunned that Harry never showed any emotion, 'Here are two sets of robes, you will notice they are different to Simon's as he's a full auror. Mine again are different as I'm head of the department.'

'Thank you, so when do I start, now?'

'Tomorrow morning, but you will need to go into the personnel office and fill out a personnel form so you get paid and that this office knows where you live and how to contact you if you have any specific charms placed around your home.'

'So only this office will know and I have to allow them to enter my home or it just that this office needs to know?'

'Only this office will know where you live, what enchantments you have around your home and no, not to enter your home. This is just so I will be able to contact you, aurors have specific charms placed on their fireplaces so we can contact one another in an emergency.'

'Good, because I like my privacy, but I'll redo the fireplace, the house stays under the fidelius charm.'

'Do you really think that charm is necessary Harry?'

'Yes, I do.'

Kingsley sighed hoping Harry would talk to him, 'You're call, so go home and I'll see you tomorrow,' he watched Harry leave then stepped into the office, 'So what do you think Simon?'

'He's damn good, but…' the auror hesitated.

'Cold, emotionless, closed off, doesn't smile, yeah, he's all that and more and I have no idea why. I've known Harry for a few years and he's just so different to the way he was. When we used to stay at Grimmauld Place, he was happy, laughing, joking around. Tonks would do her hair and nose making everyone laugh, Sirius, blimey, some of the things he told Harry about what he got up to at Hogwarts and what James Potter got up to, that made Harry laugh so hard he'd have tears falling down his face. Now though, it's like looking at a completely different person.'

'Once he actually starts work, do you think he might finally relax because I noticed he's body was tense the whole time?'

'That's what I'm hoping, one thing I noticed though, when I mentioned the night at the department of mysteries, that was the only time I got to see a slight difference in Harry. He stiffened and his face went hard.'

'That's the night his godfather died, wasn't it?'

'Yes and I think that's half Harry's problem, Sirius Black. Anyway, he starts tomorrow, but I wouldn't expect much conversation with him.'

'No, I don't think I will either,' Simon watched Kingsley step back into his office and noticed he looked worried, about exactly what Simon wasn't sure.

Harry stepped into his home, hung his robes inside the small cupboard in his office then went to have some lunch. He sat staring out over his garden but his thoughts were always on the same thing when he wasn't busy, Sirius. He knew his friends were confused as to why he was so different, they didn't know the truth of everything and Harry couldn't tell them. He tried not to think about it if he could, it hurt too much. So keeping busy, working all the time, kept his mind clear of anything painful, kept it clear of Sirius.

Harry hated sitting around doing nothing, when that happened, it brought up images and painful memories. So he went into London and did some shopping, mainly for more clothes and he seemed to buy black, everything black. He also got rid of his glasses and got himself contact lenses. He thought they would work better being an auror, if he got into some intense fighting he didn't have to worry that his glasses would get broken or fall off. When he left the store and walked along the street, he noticed a lot of girls and woman smiling at him, he also noticed some young men giving him looks at well. That gave Harry an idea on how to try and put his past behind him, he wasn't sure it would work, but he was willing to try anything.

That night, Harry dressed, made sure he looked good, something he normally never worried about, then headed out to a muggle club in London. He sat at the bar with a drink and stared around at everyone. He got asked to dance by some woman, he turned them all down, but when a man approached Harry, they got talking until they left together and ended up at the man's flat and in the man's bed. Harry worked out he was gay when he was fourteen, but he knew he could never tell his friends. Only one person knew that and that person was dead. Harry knew if Ron found out he would want to know why he dated his sister and Harry couldn't tell him the truth. He'd heard Ron call the gay boys at Hogwarts some disgusting names, but Harry also knew he couldn't tell Ron that he only went out with Ginny to so no one would get suspicious about his sexuality especially since he did spend a lot of time alone with Sirius, Harry didn't want anyone to put that together. So he had thought since Ginny liked him, she just might help Harry forget, she never did, nothing ever did, but he also did it for her because she liked him, she helped him and she supported him, so he wanted to give Ginny what she wanted even if it wasn't what Harry wanted, but now that was over and he had decided it was best to not start anything again. Harry finally started to realise that his life was going to be different and he was going to be alone.

Harry started work as an auror, Kingsley and Simon watched him carefully. He was good at his job, did what was needed, never questioned Kingsley's orders and usually got the information that Kingsley had asked Harry to get and did it quickly. Over the first couple of months that Harry was an auror, Kingsley was pleased with his work, but worried about his attitude, not that he was rude or didn't do what he was ordered or asked, he just seemed so closed off, so hard and so cold, nothing like Harry used to be, it actually worked well when he was questioning a suspect, one look at Harry's face and they usually started talking, but Kingsley would prefer to have the old Harry back instead of this new closed off one. Whenever Kingsley tried to talk to Harry about anything personal, Harry clammed up, and only said that he would like to keep his personal life and his professional life separate.

Up to four nights a week, Harry usually picked up men, always muggles so the magical world never found out and he always ended up back at their place. He never brought any of the men home because he liked to be able to get up and leave after the sex. He didn't want anything from the men apart from sex, once he got that then headed home. He would shower before climbing into bed where he would sleep, but usually for only five hours. Harry found if he slept any longer he dreams would return, so the moment he got into bed, he set his alarm, curled up on his side, falling asleep straight away. Harry found it was the easiest way to get through his life, work, sex, sleep, then he never had time to think or remember.