Chapter eight

Over the next month that's how Harry was, how he worked and how he lived. Harry again was sitting at the bar in a club when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned expecting to see one of the men he had picked up before, but instead saw Charlie Weasley.

'What are you doing in a muggle club?'

'I often visit clubs Harry, muggle or magical. I've come in here a lot over the last year and I have seen you in here a few times over the last couple of months.'

'I enjoy a drink just like anyone else,' Harry turned to stare down at his glass then took a sip.

'And the rest mate. Why didn't you tell anyone you're gay?'

'My business.'

'You're business, but you did date my sister. So did you work it out after you broke up with her?'

Harry sighed, 'No, before.'

'How long before?'

'Why do you want to know Charlie?'

'Because my sister got hurt and she wanted a future with you, a future that couldn't go anywhere and you knew that, but something you never bothered telling her. Then she disappeared and returned ten months later.'

'Actually I did tell her there wouldn't be a future, I just didn't tell her all the reasons, just I was always going to work, that's it, she must have forgot to mention that to any of you,' Harry saw the look on Charlie's face, 'Fine, I was fourteen when I worked it out.'

'Why did you date her then?'

'I'd rather not talk about that or my private life Charlie and I'd rather you not mention me to anyone. I want to keep my private life out of the papers.'

'I wasn't planning on telling anyone, I know what some people are like about gay men.'

'I don't give a shit about what people say about me, I'm used to it even if I don't like it. I like my privacy and for once I'm trying to keep that privacy.'

'Fine, but from what Ron said about you is right, you're so cold, so hard. How you pick up those cute blokes is beyond me.'

Harry slowly lifted his head and looked at Charlie, 'Cute blokes, so you're gay?'

'Yep, I was thirteen when I worked it out. Why do you think I come to muggle clubs, just doing what you do, pick up a bloke for the night without my family finding out.'

'So your family don't like gay men?'

'No idea apart from Ron and Percy who I've heard them both say things about gay men. I think you get what I'm talking about.'

'Yeah, I do.'

'So tell me Harry, how do you get some of those cute blokes to go home with you when you're so emotionless? I admit your cute, something I've been noticing the last few times I saw you, but your personality sucks.'

Harry sighed, 'I can put on a great act when the time comes, bring out a bit of charm when I need it. After my life, I learned to play a role which was easily adapted to picking up men. Which is hard right now with you talking to me, they aren't taking any notice.'

'Oh am I cramping Mr. Potter's style, driving potential fucks away,' Charlie shook his head, then ordered a drink, 'Have fun,' he walked away to look for his own fun but he was going to keep an eye on Harry.

Harry watched Charlie through the mirror behind the bar and saw him talking to the man Harry had his eye on, they danced and talked, they snogged and not long after, Charlie and the man left. Harry sighed, finished his drink then decided tonight just wasn't his night and didn't have the energy for anything, so he headed home.

Over the next couple of months, nothing much changed for Harry. He worked and usually long hours, he went out of a night, on the odd night he went home with some bloke, usually only when Charlie wasn't in the same club he was in. But if he was there, Charlie ended up with the bloke Harry had been checking out. Harry was feeling frustrated because whenever he saw Charlie, he seemed to know which bloke Harry had his eye on and went after him, like Charlie knew and deliberately go after the one Harry wanted. He wasn't sure if it was deliberate or if that was Charlie's way, he had no type, like Harry, just picked who he liked the look of.

The one thing that was different in Harry's life was at work. His old friends, Ron, Ernie, Seamus, Parvati, Susan, a girl called Mary and a bloke called Maxwell had all started their auror training. Since Harry had been an auror trainee for six months, he was the senior of all the trainees. The others didn't like that very much, but they realised they had no choice. It was their idea to take some time after leaving Hogwarts, so they had to wait until the next lot of dates that Kingsley could organise the tests and trials, where Harry went straight into auror training. His old friends tried to talk to Harry, but unless it was about what they were working on, Harry refused to enter into any conversation. So after a while they did what they did at Hogwarts and stopped talking to Harry about anything, unless they had no choice and it was work related. When they were out in the field and if they got into a serious situation they got to see exactly how good Harry was, he seemed to pour all his feelings into fighting, his emotionless state worked well for Harry so even though his old friends were impressed with Harry's ability, speed and accuracy, he was still so closed off from everything else.

Harry would usually buy his lunch then sat at his desk to eat because he got sick and tired of people watching him or trying to talk to him, he even had woman ask him out on a date, which he refused. So he would buy his lunch then head back to the office. Harry stepped into the ministry's dining room and went straight over to the counter, ordered his lunch, a coffee and a drink, paid, he turned and Hermione was standing there.

'Hi Hermione.'

'Harry, I would like to talk to you if you have a few minutes?'

'As long as I can eat.'

'You can,' Hermione took Harry's arm and lead him over to a table in the corner and far enough away from everyone that they wouldn't be overheard.

'You didn't need to drag me here Hermione,' Harry pulled his arm away.

'I wanted to make sure you didn't try to get away. Now sit down and listen to me.'

Harry sighed, he'd heard that voice on Hermione before. So he sat down, took a drink of his coffee, then started eating his lunch. He kept his eyes on the table hoping Hermione would change her mind about whatever it was that she wanted to bring up.

'You can ignore me all you want Harry but I'm going to have my say. I wanted to at Hogwarts, but I figured you might need some time, now though, I'm not waiting anymore, it's been long enough.'

Harry sighed again then looked up, 'I wasn't ignoring you, I'm eating so I can go back to work. I do have a limited time to have lunch you know.'

'I want to tell you that I do know what you're problem is and why you closed yourself off from everyone.'

'Really, I seriously doubt that,' Harry kept his face impassive because he didn't think Hermione had the slightest idea what his problem was.

'Sirius,' Hermione saw Harry's face harden, 'You never got a chance to grieve for him, now you are and you're not coping with that.'

'Don't talk about Sirius,' Harry's voice was hard and cold.

'Talking about him will help you deal with this, help you heal. How do you think all the Weasley's dealt with the loss of Fred?'

'That's different,' Harry snapped.

'Why is it different, they lost a son or brother, you lost a man you thought of as a father.'

'I didn't think of him that way,' Harry's voice soften as he looked down.

'Oh Harry, you did, we all saw it, saw how much you cared about him.'

Harry felt his eyes prickle, 'You don't know anything Hermione, so butt out,' Harry snapped, packed up his lunch and quickly hurried out of the dining room. He was hurrying towards the lifts when Hermione grabbed his arm and pulled him towards an empty room used for people that needed to fill out forms or applications, 'I fucking loved him Hermione, don't you get that.'

'I know you loved him, but it still doesn't explain why you're so closed off.'

'You don't get it, I didn't love him like a father, I was fucking in love with him. We were together, a couple, snogging, loving and I lost him,' Harry yelled then hurried from the room and straight up to his office where he went straight into the training room. He regretted his outburst and hoped Hermione kept that to herself and never told any of the Weasley's, especially Ron. When the other aurors returned from lunch the could tell straight away that Harry Potter was angry, he had two training wizards going and he was going hard, but none of them had the nerve to ask Harry what was wrong.

After training for two hours straight, Harry went back to his desk where he opened a folder that was sitting on his desk ready to start work again. He saw the looks the others were giving him, some looked curious some looked worried, but Harry hoped they never found out the truth, the truth about his love and affair with Sirius Black.

When Harry arrived home from work he found Hermione standing outside his home which she couldn't see, just knew where it should be. He sighed, but quickly wrote her a permission note, so she could follow him in before he went into his office and hung up his robes.

'Are you going to tell anyone?' he asked as he passes her.

'No, it's not my business to tell anyone. But why didn't you tell me or Ron about this?'

'I'm sure you could guess Hermione,' Harry poured himself a drink but kept his back to her.

'No, so tell me.'

Harry sighed, 'Okay, first, Ron, I've heard the names he's called gay blokes. Second, I was underage and Sirius was worried what would happen if anyone found out. Third, it was all my idea and if it got out, Sirius could have been in deep trouble and I wasn't going to let that happen.'

'We wouldn't have said anything, you should have trusted us.'

'You maybe, Ron, no, I couldn't take the chance. Then you were a couple, you can't keep things from each other. One argument, if he got pissed off about something he would have said something, I couldn't trust him.'

'Okay, I'll give you that one. But tell me why you went out with Cho and Ginny?'

'Blimey,' Harry ran his hand through his hair, then took a drink, 'Guess, I'm sure you're smart enough to figure that out.'

Hermione stared at Harry's back, 'Alright, Cho, so no one figured out about you being gay.' she saw Harry nod, 'Ginny was a bit different though, it was after Sirius died,' she saw Harry's body tense, 'Again, partly to do with no one finding out. But I can't work out the rest, so tell me the rest Harry?'

'It wasn't going to lead to anything, I won't get serious with anyone again and,' Harry hesitated, 'I wanted to forget the pain.'

'So you used Ginny.'

'She got what she wanted, so no, I don't see it like that. I never told her we'd have a future together, in fact I said there would be no marriage or even living together, I didn't want a serious relationship, I never mentioned how I felt. Kids date at school, they snog, we were older so we shagged as well, which was her decision, not mine. Then we had a fight, we broke up, just like a lot of other couples. So please just drop this Hermione, it doesn't concern you or anyone,' Harry left the living room and went into the kitchen and started working on his dinner.

'You could meet someone else Harry, you don't have to stay alone,' Hermione's voice softened.

'No, never again, I won't take that chance.' Harry kept working on his dinner and never spoke again but neither did Hermione, then he heard the front door. Harry sighed, then finished cooking, sat down and ate before he showered and changed ready to head out and hopefully pick up a bloke to make him forget what he had been talking about.