Before we start, I just want to say a collective "PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!" I know I answered almost all your reviews about a week late and I am SO sorry. I had a nightmarish week last week and I think next week is going to be just as nightmarish...but I will try harder to answer them :)

So, as a consequence of my busy lifestyle (everyone say 'YAY! School!') I totally forgot what I was doing with this story. So there won't be two chapters this weekend...just one, until I figure out the storyline again...

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly...lol I almost typed 'myCarly' but if it was my iCarly I wouldn't be sitting here going OH MY GOSH DAN SCHNEIDER ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

There they were. Laughing and talking and being all lovey-dovey. What did they care if she--

Sam tore her thoughts and stare away from Freddie and Wendy and Carly. She would not get all angsty. She refused to. She'd already stooped so low, self-pity was out of the question. Somehow, she had to become Sam again, and that entailed being stronger than ever.

But this backpack had other ideas.

"Will you just get in the freaking locker!?" she screamed finally. The few people around her stared and then smiled good-naturedly. It was just Sam being Sam.

They didn't know the pain she felt from shoving the stupid thing over and over, from yelling at the top of her lungs, from watching her friends carry on so easily without her.

Another push, and half her lockers contents fell onto the floor. Sam nearly cried at the thought of bending down to pick all that stuff up. No, I can do it. I can. I have to. That'll show them. She kneeled slowly, but it hurt too much. It doesn't hurt at all! Suck it up, you wimp! You're better than this!

I'm not...

"See you later, Carls," she heard Wendy say. She was leaving, with Freddie's arm around her waist, all cuddled up close to her.

Carls?

That was SAM's nickname for her. She. Could. Not. Be. Replaced.

Sam grabbed the first thing available to her; her Geometry book. She chucked it through the air as hard as she could...

And it landed a good five feet behind the retreating couple, whacking some poor innocent in the head.

She couldn't even throw. It wasn't worth the pain.

Sam leaned against her locker and felt the tears coming. I won't cry...I NEVER cry...in front of anyone except Carly. Stop...stop...STOP...STOP!

"Watcha doing?" Gibby asked, materializing next to her.

"Go away."

He waited stiffly and then relaxed once he realized there was no bite to go with her bark. "I can't believe I'm saying this," he said, "but it feels weird to go home with my underwear where it's supposed to be."

"Shut it, Gibson." Sam's voice was strained and weak. She didn't have the energy to hurt him anymore.

"You know, you're not so bad when you're not vicious. I think I might get used to hanging out with you."

Sam leaned back against the lockers and squeezed her eyes shut. This had to be a nightmare. Gibby was not trying to become her friend. "Don't even think about it."

"Whatevs. I've got a cyberdate with JustDucky129. Catch you later."

He was too far away to be in the blast radius when Sam erupted with fury, but she yelled anyway, "NO! YOU'RE NOT GOING TO CATCH ME LATER! YOU'RE NOT GOING TO CATCH ME EVER! I'M NOT ONE OF YOUR STUPID FRIENDS!"

What had her world come to?

"How's it going?" asked Carly in class.

"Great."

"You look exhausted."

"No I don't."

"Sam you've got bags under your eyes--"

"Carly, I'm fine, okay? Just leave me alone."

She backed off and went to talk to a crying girl with a huge bump on her forehead.

Sam rested her head on her desk and sighed. She was exhausted. Her tantrum had taken a lot out of her instead of energizing her like it should have.

"Come on, Sam, you can't sleep in this class again, Mr. Howard's going to kill you, you know he doesn't care if you're injured."

"What, bore me to death? He can't get any worse."

"You know what I mean."

"Stop nagging."

"I'm not nagging, I'm just telling you to stay up!"

"Well, you're annoying me."

Carly frowned. "Look. I know you're hurt right now. But you're a mess, Sam. Whatever went on between you and Freddie was stupid, and it needs to stop. You need him--"

Sam didn't mean for her fist to fly. She hadn't even thought about punching Carly. She definitely knew how bad of an idea that was, even for her. But apparently some nub had taken over her brain, because her voice came out raspy and strange and not at all normal. "Don't talk about him in front of me."

It wasn't until she saw the shocked faces of everyone in the class, Mr. Howard's furious glare, and poor, poor Carly sitting in front of her, scared, did she realize that she had just hit her best friend.

"Oh my God...Carly, I'm sorry, I--"

"Just forget it!" Carly hissed, moving her books to a different desk. Most of the other people followed suit, and Sam was left in a lovely little island of loneliness.

She didn't know it, but Freddie was far from done with her. In fact, he was meddling in her life more than ever. Every single second of the day, he'd made sure there was someone watching her if he couldn't, making sure she didn't break down with no one there to help her.

Vaguely, he noted that there had been a girl hovering by his side the whole day...his girlfriend? She was probably ticked by now. He'd tried talking to her and Carly, he really had. But his thoughts wouldn't function around anything but Sam. He just laughed when they laughed and nodded while they talked--hopefully he'd gotten through it okay.

You haven't checked on her in ten minutes. Is she still okay? How's she going to get through this without you? He furtively peeked around a corner of the hallway, watching Sam wrestle with her school supplies yet again. Freddie ached to help her, but he knew he couldn't. She'd just yell at him.

And he wanted her to come to him first. He just...needed to know she needed him.

"Freddie?"

"Mmm?"

That was a novel thought. Why did that matter to him? It wasn't bad, was it? It wasn't like he was trying to make Sam beg when she was already so upset. But she'd open up if she admitted to the fact that he wasn't just some dork...right?

"Freddie?"

"Yeah. Hold on."

She was resting against the wall again. Every movement was a battle for her, he knew it. He took a step forward and stopped. He couldn't watch, but he couldn't tear his eyes away.

"Freddie...I think we should break up."

That got his attention. "Huh?"

Wendy just gazed at him. "You heard me."

Sam was all but forgotten. "But--but--I don--what?"

"Freddie, look at you. You can't get her out of your head."

He glanced at the blonde behind him, outraged. "Sam? I don't care about her! I could stop worrying whenever I wanted to!"

"You set yourself up so well. Listen, I'm not going to make you prove that. And I'm not saying this because I'm jealous or anything. You're just so obvious."

"Obvious?!"

"Yeah, Freddie. You've been watching her all day. You missed that date with me--stop, don't say anything, I don't blame you--you practically lived at the hospital while she was in that coma, and she's all you can talk about. Even before she got hurt. And I don't want to be dating a guy who so obviously wants to date someone else."

She was jealous. But Wendy had the ability to control her emotions much better than most other people. "Wendy, I--"

"Freddie, just let me do the right thing and let it go."

"Wendy, can't you just wait until--"

"Wait until what, Freddie? Wait until she's completely recovered in six months or until everyone's sure she hasn't been psychologically impacted in ten years?"

He gaped. She'd been giving this a lot of thought.

"Look. It's better this way, okay?"

He couldn't just let it go like that. Wendy was his first real girlfriend who actually like him for who he was and actually cared about him and actually didn't mind dating him and actually made him happy and actually... "Okay."

She actually meant something to him, and Freddie never meant to hurt her. If this was better...

Wendy attempted to smile, and then just waved and walked away.

Why do I make my life so miserable?

So Sam was breaking. Admitting it didn't do anything. She could sulk over it for as long as she wanted, it wasn't like anyone cared enough to bother her anymore. She was in constant pain, this dark fear kept lurking in the back of her mind, she couldn't sleep, she couldn't eat, her friends were deserting her, her life was a mess...and there was no food in her house. It was so much easier just to give up on life at this point.

The doorbell rang, but her mom and stupid new boyfriend were too busy fighting (already) to answer. Sam flung the door open, ready to death-glare the person outside into leaving, but stopped in her tracks when she saw Freddie.

"What're you doing here?"

"Returning this." He held out her Geometry book. "I guess you lost it."

She didn't know whether he was talking about the book or her sanity.

"No, I didn't. I knew where it went."

"Then you owe Allie an apology."

"Shut up."

"That was lame."

"So's your face."

"That was lamer."

Sam grabbed the book and tried to slam the door shut, but he stuck his foot in the door jam. She was too slow...too weak.

"Let me in."

"No."

"Sam..."

She hated that voice. It made her really, really want to punch him. This was all his fault. Somehow.

"Get. Out. Of. My. Life."

"It's kind of hard to when you're acting so pathetic."

"Don't even go there, nub, I'm not acting like anything."

"So you just throw books at people for fun?"

"Duh!"

"You know what, Sam--"

"Freddie, you seriously suck at this whole 'I'm done with you' thing."

"Because I'm worried about you. Everyone is."

She kicked his leg out of the way of the door and shut it as fast as she could. He kept knocking, but she ignored him. I can just lock the door and leave, and I won't have to deal with him at all... But she couldn't bring herself to do it.

"Sam!" His voice was muffled from passing through the wood. "You'd better let me in! I'm not going away until you know what your idiotic attitude's done to me!"

"Done to you? You've got to be kidding me!" Sam yelled back. "You have no idea--"

"Wendy broke up with me, thanks to you!"

She opened the door slowly. "She...broke up with you?"

"Yeah."

"...Aw. Poor baby."

Freddie was furious. "You're so ungrateful, Sam! She did it for you!"

He was already walking away when Sam stopped trying to puzzle his statement out. "What's that supposed to mean?!"

"Stop it...please..."

He wasn't going to stop. Never, ever...this time he would finish the job. And her cries to desist were getting weaker...almost like she didn't care anymore...as long as it was over.

Why? I do care, I want to live...

Don't I?

Why didn't she? There was some reason...some terrible, terrible reason that she couldn't fight back. And then she saw.

Carly and Freddie were watching her die. They didn't move a finger to help her.

Sam's eyes snapped open. She was breathing hard, and covered in cold sweat. It was two a.m, and she was not going back to sleep.

Review please :)