Hey hey! Enjoooyy guys :D I really like this one! Also the biggest thank you to JMDeaton who is fighting a bad infection but still makes the time to help me out, bless your soul girl! I hope it clears up soon 3
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One thing that I can't stand
Is when the minutes fight the second hand
I'll waste a lifetime's worth
Just to play to one more day
No fucking quota, no premiums
The world is stuck in delirium
Man is a four-letter word, it's really absurd
The hate isn't fake, it's just inferred
Oh ho, I'm not afraid
I'm giving into grievances again
I'm down to absolute zero
Another zealot with the weight of the fucking world
Absolute Zero, Stone Sour
Clary
The night is rushing by in the blink of an eye, differing completely from the past few weeks spent in the Silent City. I have been placed in a room in the Gard, one with a bed and a shower. Despite the luxury of a somewhat real bed, that I've been without for weeks, I can't seem to sleep a wink. I switch between staring at the ceiling, to flipping through the book that Jace sent for me, to going over what Robert could possibly ask me in the morning.
I have no doubt that he has a personal vendetta against me, although I have no clue what it could possibly be. I've never done anything to hurt him or his family; Maryse took Jonathan and I in after the battle at Brocelind Plain, and treated us normally. Not as heroes, not as pariahs. As equals. But from the moment that Robert discovered my last name, he started acting differently. Short, as if I had personally offended him, and he was hardly even around. I still don't get it.
Whatever grudge he's holding against me, I'm sure he's going to use it to grill me under the Mortal Sword. I've only ever heard stories about those tried under it, ripping the bleeding truth from their minds. I'd be a fool to not be afraid of it; the Angel himself created these instruments for the use of Shadowhunters. It's infused with heavenly fire and it can bring even the strongest down to their knees.
I'm scared. I don't want to be brought to my knees - whether metaphorically or literally - in front of the entire Clave. I have nothing to hide. I'll gladly tell them what they want to know, but Robert, he'll want to break me down. Humiliate me like he tried to do in front of his family when he took me.
"Clarissa Morgenstern. It is time."
I stand and obediently follow the Silent Brother out of the room. He leads me through the stone hallways, light filtering in from high windows. It burns my eyes because of how accustomed to the dim glow of torches and witch-light I've become. It's a nice change, though, and I can tell that it's nearly mid-morning by the angle that the light comes in.
I'm given no time for preparation before I'm let into a large, open room. People are gathered on the rows upon rows of benches that are aligned on each side of the room, to watch. Jonathan sits right at the front, his platinum blonde hair throwing off the morning sun like opal; however I can't meet his eyes, not with this temporary sense of shame flooding my body. Alec and Maryse are with him, although I see no signs of Jace. He's still not considered an adult by Clave standards. I would imagine that he's somewhere close by, waiting. Robert and the Consul - Jia Penhallow, I believe - are seated at the apex of the room. I can feel his beady eyes glaring into me as the Silent Brother leads me across the room to stand before them.
I take a deep breath and meet his harsh gaze.
"Clarissa Morgenstern," he booms. I'm really starting to get sick and tired of hearing my full name repeated so often. "You have been arrested for the use of a demonic rune against a fellow Shadowhunter. Treason is punishable by death. While the Law is hard, it is the Law, and the Mortal Sword will decide your innocence."
"I haven't committed treason, Inquisitor," I speak loudly so that all can hear. "Valentine Morgenstern was a monster. He would have brought his army-"
"Enough! You'll have your turn to speak, child." I clench my jaw but remain silent, my blood beginning to boil. I glance over to my brother, and I can tell he's feeling the same way that I am because he looks ready to unleash hell. His mossy green eyes hold anger and worse, fear. He's afraid that I'll be found guilty. I'm not, but there's no explanation for everything that I can do. I'm just different from the other Shadowhunters and I always have been, but to me I'm completely normal. I mean, I'm just like all the others in all the ways that count, just with a little extra oomph.
"Step forward," Robert commands as he takes the Mortal Sword from a Silent Brother. I take a few confident strides forward, but my hands tremble at my sides. I raise them, palm up.
As if time is slowed down to a snails crawl, I watch as the burning cold of the metal of the sharp blade comes to a rest on the skin of my left palm, clawing it's way painfully into my soul, splitting my skull and heart. He rests the roughly wrought handle of the Sword on my rightpalm, and my knees begin to shake under the weight. It feels like lead, and even I struggle to hold the weight up, causing my eyes to squeeze shut at the exertion. I bite down hard on my lip. I won't make a noise, I refuse to give him that satisfaction.
"State your full name for the record of the Clave."
"Clarissa Adele Morgenstern," I whisper, my voice as steady as I can make it under the tension the Sword has put on my entire body.
"Who were your birth parents?" He asks, even the most remedial questions pulling a succinct answer from my cracked lips before I can even formulate it myself.
"Valentine and Jocelyn Morgenstern."
"How did your parents die?" He asks calmly, like he's gearing himself up for some great feat.
"My mother was killed by the Greater Demon Agramon," I answer, the salty tears prickling at the backs of my eyes, not in sadness, but in the pain that each word brings me, wrenching the answer from my tongue. "I killed my father."
"How did you kill your father?" He asks. His voice is laced with malicious amusement.
"Demonic rune," I grit out, trying to speak with my own input. "He was rogue."
I'm panting at the exertion that the three small words bring me, but I know that Robert won't give me room to elaborate on the why's. That's where he thinks he'll make his case; using only the untainted truth, with no other context as to why it all happened.
"And how did you come across this rune?" Robert asks, his voice pitched up, asking the question that I truly don't know the answer to.
"I don't know." I slowly open my eyes and watch through a haze as he stops in his leisurely pacing.
"You don't know how you came across the rune? Surely you came across it in a book," he suggests coyly as he stalks closer to me.
"No. They-they just came to me," I pant, not wanting to answer. I know it sounds bad enough as it is, but the more that I try to hold it back or shape my answers vaguely, the harder it's yanked out of me.
"And how long have demonic runes been coming to you? How long have you been aligned with the filth that killed your mother?" He asks, his voice breaking in excitement and pitch, but there also seems to be a hint of sorrow when he mentions my momto me. I glare at him with as much venom as I can through the pain, and he just grins at me.
"Only once. N-never aligned," I spit out at him, disgust clear on my face. My voice grows with each word, building up, and suddenly it is as if I am no longer holding the Mortal Sword. "I'm loyal to the Angel Raziel."
"If that is true, then how could you use a demonic rune on your father? If you say that you are loyal to the Angel, then how could these runes just 'come to you'," he air-quotes, mocking me and my answer.
"I don't know," I say, my voice losing its strength. The prickling in my arms and legs have stopped altogether; I feel nothing but the Sword, swallowing me whole and forcing the truth out to these judgmental people. It's a terrifying notion, to have no control over your mind and body.
"Surely you have to know how you came across such a powerful rune?" he goads me. "Perhaps you've been tainted by the demon that killed your mother. You were there, weren't you? Perhaps you played a part in her death."
I shake my head vehemently, closing my eyes once more. I'm not tainted. I'm not rogue.
I think of Jonathan and Jace. Even though the latter is not here, I know that he's cheering me on from the sidelines. I even have the Lightwood's behind me - bar Robert - and it brings me a sense of peace. All of the training and bonding, every single second I've spent with them, they've treated me as their own because they trust me. They believe in me. They know the truth.
I have to let the truth be set free, because that's the only way that I'll survive this.
"I think you've been tainted, Clarissa. That you've made a deal with the devils for this so-called power that you have. Have you ever conspired against the Clave with a greater demon before?"
"No," I say calmly, letting the small word define my innocence. It's not the answer that Robert was looking for. He was expecting me to say yes, and I watch in satisfaction as his face drops. "Never have, and I never will," I whisper, trying to keep myself in check under the flood of emotions that soar through me. I nearly drop to my knees at the realization.
It's not the answer he was looking for, but it's the only answer. It's the truth. The room fills with whispers from those who have gathered to watch a Shadowhunter fall under the Inquisitor and the Sword. Nobody is falling under his vindictive questioning today. He can try as hard as he wants, but I won't give in to him and his accusations. I won't accept the fate that he's trying to lay out for me. I won't fall.
"I think that's enough for today," Jia speaks up, standing from her spot next to the dumbfounded idiot that I just proved wrong. "We can continue tomorrow."
I let out a breath of relief as Robert stalks up to me with anger in his eyes, not daring to counter the Consul herself. My arms go limp as the Sword is lifted, the heavy metal weight gone and replaced with an emptiness that sends chills down my spine; it's as if the Sword has taken something from me in it's absences. Maybe my peace of mind. I was completely open, vulnerable to attack and it leaves me feeling violated even after it has been lifted. But I'm still standing, and I'm going to win. I'll fight him until my very last breath if it comes to it.
"Clarissa," The Consul says in a clear voice. "We will continue this trial in the morning. Because of your cooperation, we will release you to the custody of Maryse Lightwood. But under no circumstances are you to leave Alicante, Miss Morgenstern. Do you understand?"
"Yes," I say clearly, despite the exhaustion running through my veins. It thickens with each minute that I stand in front of the Clave, their curious gazes boring into me like I'm supposed to perform some trick. As if I'm some circus animal. I stand up taller, letting my pride show in my posture and face. I have the upper hand here.
"The Clave will re-gather tomorrow at nine in the morning," Jia says with a finality that allows me to finally move my legs. They're filled with lead as I trudge across the room to Jonathan. I can't see Maryse or Alec anywhere nearby, now.
I incline my head for him to follow me out of the heavy room. The warm air soothes my chilled skin and I make my way around the side of the building, trying to find a shred of privacy with my brother in this crazy moment.
"You did amazing up there," he tells me, his voice laced with worry. I laugh dryly as I let myself sink down onto the small stone bench against the side of the Gard, my entire body finally relaxing. From head to toe, I ache like I've been sleeping on concrete.
"As if I wouldn't?" I ask sarcastically and arch my back, trying to stretch out my tight muscles. I let my neck fall backwards and rest my head, closing my eyes. Not even the warm comforting Alicante air can clear my head of the pounding that still lingers.
"Of course you would," he agrees and I can sense his knowing grin. We sit comfortably for a few moments, collecting ourselves. I need a lot of collecting right now; I feel so fragile. "What did they do to you?"
"They had me do some tests, like a physical of sorts, and then there's also the fact that I was in the Silent City for weeks," I shudder. I don't really want to relive any of that. "Thanks for the blanket, by the way."
"We didn't know you were in the City until Tessa found out," he tells me, his voice regretful. I look over as I sit back up, and then punch him gently in the arm.
"You couldn't have done anything to get me out anyways, so stop it," I roll my eyes. "Have you gotten anything else done?" I ask quietly.
"As if we wouldn't?" He asks with as much sass as I did just a moment ago, his lips splitting into a smirk. It comforts me that he's able to joke around with me right now. It brings me a semblance of normalcy that I so desperately need right now.
"It better be good. I've been dying sitting around doing nothing for weeks," I sigh. Jonathan reaches his hand towards me and rests it on my back, running it up and down gently. It brings me back down, grounding me.
"I've got your back, Little Sister. Although you hardly need it."
He may not realize it, but without him I would be crumbling through all of these tests and trials. But with him, and our friends, I'm able to manage all of it. The accusations, the pain, the detachment. It's all made bearable because of them. It doesn't matter what Robert or the Clave tries to do to tear me down. They can hack away at me all they want, because I know that with my friends by my side, I'll rise above and prove them all wrong.
Maybe it's because my pride is taking a hit, or because they look down on me because I'm different, but either way, I'll do whatever it takes to clear my family's name; even if it is only for mine and Jonathan's sake. We shouldn't be forced into feeling shame for our name because of mistakes that our father made when we were younger. We were, and are, completely innocent to all of his wrong doings and crimes, and we have to do something to separate us from him. After all...
We are the only living Morgenstern's.