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11. Make It With You

I heard his footsteps slowly headed towards the door…each one hurting more than the last. The last thing I wanted was for him to leave…but he made me so weak. All the tactical training I had with Shaw couldn't have prepared me for what I had just experienced….my reaction to Dom and Elena…I didn't want to posses him…I wanted him to feel free by being with me.

I turned immediately when I heard the door knob turn…my vision blurred by these fucking tears that wouldn't let out. He would be gone.

Yet there he was…standing against the door…locking it…..locking us both inside...telling me that he wasn't going anywhere. He looked at me and gave me a small crooked smile…then slowly walked over to me.

I was surprised that he was still there…..scared…overwhelmed by everything that I was feeling.

What now? He said…his voice hoarse and grave

I bit my lip so hard I could almost taste blood…You are not making it easy for me…I told him as I met him halfway and wrapped myself in him.

I really made an ass of myself huh…I said as I pressed my face against his chest.

No…he kissed my head softly and held me tight

No? I laughed

No …he lifted my head and kissed my lips softly….you made me realize how fragile this relationship really is. I took it for granted when you told me you loved me. I didn't realize how much work it would really be. I'm here for you Letty. I'm not going anywhere.

Maybe you were right Dom…maybe Mia was right…we should have taken our time….maybe this was all too sudden.

He pulled me away from him….Time? his eyes were dark...i could tell he was hurt….Is that what you want Letty?...he asked me as he caressed my face wiping away the remaining tears.

I don't know Dom…I closed my eyes as his fingers kept gently stroking my cheek and down to my neck...the distraction of his fingers dancing on my skin was almost too much to bear.

I know what I want Letty!…..I need to know that this is what you want too.

Really Dom? Because I didn't see two people saying goodbye out there. I saw two people that were torn apart when I appeared out of nowhere. She didn't come between us…it was the other way around. You had a new life, I put myself in her place and it didn't feel right…..and even after she told me she was going back home, that I had nothing to worry about. When I saw the two of you together, it broke me….an when you asked her to stay…I knew that there was more. I need to know what you were feeling out there Dom.

Letty….he begged. What difference does it make.

I'm only protecting myself Dom….you had a life with this woman.

Fine Letty…Seeing Elena brought back the pain of leaving her. It felt like shit that she could see...that she knew how happy I was. She could probably feel it in the fucking air. it didn't feel fair that i could be so happy and that she got the bad end of the deal. i admit it letty saying goodbye to Elena was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I care about her. I mean how do you tell someone that the life you had is done…i kept these things to myself because there's nothing that I can do to change them…..he stayed quiet as he pulled me even closer…..his body was there but his mind had drifted somewhere else.

Its Letty isn't it? She asked me as I stood there in shock, lost in the picture I held in my hand.

It's impossible…I said when I could finally speak, my heart beating a mile a minute.

If that was my husband and there was a chance…no matter how small…I would go.

I stared at her as she put on this strong front...I pulled her close and kissed her head…she wrapped her arms around me.

Elena…I

Dom there's no need to tell me what I already know. She smiled up at me but I could see all the pain behind it. Her life had suddenly been turned upside down.

It hurt to see her like this…trying so hard not to show just how much she was affected by this unexpected change, but it was Letty and I had to go. the minute I had seen the picture I had decided to go. After so many months together…all it took was this picture and nothing else mattered anymore….damn.

I'm sorry….were there any other words…what else could I say.

Dom…every morning you lay there and stare endlessly at the sealing…I know it's her you think about…then when you can't take it anymore you get out of bed and you go out and work on your car…but it doesn't help because even then she is always on your mind….she lives in that chain you have around your neck…she lives in the people around you...I never said anything….what for?, she was dead after all, I thought we had all the time in the world Dom. I thought eventually…

Elena you know I care about you

But you love her and I understand. I won't try to hold you back Dom. Go find her….but if it turns out not to be what you were looking for…if it's no longer what you want…..I will always be here for you.

I felt her warm hand on my face. I knew this was the end. Letty would always be what I was looking for.

I knew from the beginning the kind of relationship this was Dom.My mistake was not asking for more when I had the chance…not asking for more from the beginning…It's too late now…. And yes it fucking hurts that this is the end of the road for us….but it's not like you would stay…she had to laugh to stop herself from crying. I'm happy for you Dom….I'm happy for the time we had together…but we both know that you were never mine.

I gave you all I had Elena…..you helped me get from one day to the next. You made me happy…and…Maybe with time I would've loved you….but Letty was just never easy to forget.

I know she put her finger to my lips…you know where to find me. She kissed me and that was her goodbye

This is the way things have to be Letty…he finally spoke again….I knew it was her he had been thinking about…so much pain reflected across his face made me realize how hard this was for him too. I'm not some heartless fuck…but what can I do? There's Elena and then there's you. I can only choose one. I choose you Letty because even though Elena was important in my life…there's no comparison….you are the one I cannot live without.

I told you in London...I'm not that girl anymore. I have all this pressure to be someone I cant remember….What happens when you realize you are chasing a dream Dom?

This is no fucking dream Letty, come on….everything we've lived? Then you see Elena and first you hate her…and now you feel like you owe her your happiness.

I was being selfish….I only cared about myself

This…he said pointing at me and then himself…this only works if we are in it together Letty….Elena's pain is only worth it if you are with me 100%. Don't stop now Letty! Please don't let this come between us anymore. I wish there was a way were we can all be happy…but there is no perfect outcome…anyway you put it someone will end up getting hurt. Theres nothing we can do about it baby.

I know

I want to make it with you Letty! he whispered in my ear and he kissed the area down my neck. I'm sorry that I don't know how to be more romantic..he laughed…but I love you and there's nothing I want more than to be with you. I'm sorry about what happened with Elena out there…I messed up…..seeing her gain brought back the pain…the guilt of pushing her aside…Im sorry

It was my fault…I overreacted. I felt helpless once I saw her in the flesh and blood

I love you Letty…theres no one better than you for me….this…he placed my hand over his heart….once in a lifetime baby.

So much for not being romantic….I want to be with you too Dom….and if that means living in a world were Elena exists…..it's better than living without you in mine.

Elena would never willingly come between us. Get that out of your system…We can make it of we try Letty…but you have to stop being your own worst enemy.

I had to admit that he was right…it was me against myself and unless I wanted to fuck things up….i had to be the bitch I was known to be….Ride or Die for him…for us...no matter what.

I can't promise you that things will always be rosie…he continued…sometimes shit will be black...I need you to tell me everything Letty….don't hold anything back. I know this can't be easy. we will get through this together.

I love you Dom….this can't be easy for you either…you are one amazing guy to put up with all this shit.

He only smiled back at me….Are we done here?

No…I said …and I crashed my lips into his….I needed him

There my girl! he said laughing when I finally let him up for air…we've been gone a while…don't you think we should get back? he was teasing me…I wasn't having that...everything I needed was in this room...fuck the BBQ

I think you should come over here and give me a massage….I demanded as I took his hand and walked over to the bed.

A massage huh! For some reason those words sent him into a frenzy. We needed a different kind of healing.

His mouth was on mine taking over with so much force…demanding so much from my lips….something inside me broke. I gave up. He ran his hands through my body. I moved my hips against him…blindly seeking what I so desperately needed. He went on to get rid of our clothes….I moaned when I felt his warm hands on my bare skin…that sent him over the edge and something wild took over the two of us. My body loved him…every time he touched me…every time he possessed me….it was so intense that I could not imagine any other man ever taking his place.

Could there ever be another man in his place?