I sighed as I dropped down onto my bed in the loft and stared at the ceiling. The drive back to the apartment wasn't far but because of the events involving my father, everyone had drank about half their weight in alcohol and with the spare rooms in my brother's spacious house we all agreed it would be best to crash here for the night. None of us having work tomorrow. I shifted onto my side when I felt the weight of Chloe's body press into the mattress next to me. "Hey." I mumbled drunkenly and gazed into the life changing blue eyes that made my heart race.
"Hi." She responded with a shy smile. "So Becs, I was wondering if we could go out to my aunt's tomorrow?" I raised an eyebrow knowing that with the exception of her parents Chloe wasn't very close with her family. "The girls are all going to be there and I wanna see my sister." I reached out to feel Chloe's forehead with the look of mock concern on my face.
"Are you feeling okay darling?" I asked with a grin when she slapped my hand away playfully.
"Yeah, just being around your family makes me wonder if I'm doing the right thing by staying away from mine. I mean you don't have to come but… I mean I know you haven't met my family yet. But if we're going to get married I think we should go… I mean… I think…" I pressed my lips to hers to stop her from stuttering anymore and smiled when she blinked her eyes after pulling away.
"Of course we can go. I'd love to come with you, babe. I don't know why you even found it necessary to ask." She smiled and nuzzled her body under my arm and into my chest. "Lets get some sleep." I mumbled before reaching behind her and flipping the light off. "I love you Chlo."
"Beca, come on get out of bed." I could hear Chloe's voice but I couldn't shake the darkness in my head. I couldn't force my eyes open. I couldn't focus. I felt terribly sick and I wanted to sleep it off. "Beca lets go babe! Come on we've got dinner and then that award thing to go to. If you want to look remotely like a human being, you need to get up and shower." Chloe's voice sounded like it surrounded me but like I was also under water. Then nothing. Silence. "Beca?" Panic was etched in this time and I wanted to comfort her but I couldn't. Maybe I should have drank so much, I felt heavy. Like I was drowning in alcohol maybe. "Baby wake up? You're scaring me." Chloe's voice sounded like she was crying and then there was just nothing.
"Rebeca Mitchell? I'm doctor Harris. How are you feeling?" The voice flooded my ears unwelcomed and I blinked angrily at the harsh lighting of the room. Looking around trying to figure out my surroundings. Chloe stood behind the man in the white coat, staring with a guilty and fearful look on her face. She dropped her gaze to her hands when my eyes locked on mine. "Ms. Mitchell?"
"Beca." I managed to croak out, my throat feeling like someone shoved a white hot fire poker down it. I reached up in automatic reflex and Chloe instantly rushed to my side.
"Beca." The doctor said firmly before a small smile took place on his aged face. "We had to pump your stomach and flush your system. It's hard to believe that someone as tiny as you could consume so much alcohol. Should we be concerned about you or did you just misjudge how much you'd drank?" His question caught me off guard, I mean yeah I drank to drown out the feelings and thoughts but I didn't want to actually DIE. I have the perfect girlfriend, the best friends, I love school and there's my family and music. Yeah I hate my father and sometimes wish I could trade him and my mother places but that didn't mean I want to die. I glared at him, angry again.
"Why in the hell would I want to die. I have Chloe, the Bellas, my family and a pretty good life. Yeah I may have rough patches when I drink too much but that doesn't mean I want to kill myself for fuck sake." My tone came out as a hiss even if I didn't mean it to.
"Beca Mitchell, watch your tone." Chloe finally spoke. I shot her a look and she floored me with one of her own.
"Sorry." I mumbled and the doctor told me I had to stay for twenty-four hours for observation and then Chloe could take me home. Chloe didn't leave other than to make a few apologetic phone calls and to get coffee. When she took me home it was back to the Bella house. I scoffed at the scene on the front porch. Stacie was standing on a chair with a leg holding Cynthia back, holding something high above her head. Jessica and Ashley meditating in the grass, Emily scribbling furiously into a notepad. Lily hanging from the tree outside of one of the windows. Flo was flipping tricks far too close to Ashley. Another day in the life of the Bella's. "Where's Amy?" I questioned after we sat in the car for a moment. Chloe seemed upset. Right on cue my door was yanked open and I was torn from my seat by the collar of my shirt.
"Shawshank! If you ever scare me like that again I swear I'll feed you to the anacondas!" Tears threatened the usually hilarious blonde's eyes. She was holding me off the ground and I struggled to get free. Hearing the grumbling off all the Bellas from behind me. Amy hugged me tightly and put me down with a deathly serious glare. "You're my best friend shorty." I nodded and she dropped it.
"Beca!" Ashley and Jessica shouted at the same time as they both hugged me tightly, I shot Chloe a plea for help but she just rolled her eyes and shrugged. At the same time both girls pulled back and one after the other slapped me hard in the face. "Don't ever scare us like that again." They growled together. I glanced over to Lily who just shook her head and walked away. Emily stepped up next, thrusting a piece of paper at me. Tears streaming down the young and usually energetic girl's face.
"Don't read it now." She whispered before kissing my cheek and returning to sit on the grass by Ash and Jess. Cynthia Rose walked up next and shook her head.
"Dude, you scared the shit out of us. Man if you need someone to talk to you know I've got your back." I nodded not having any words for the darker woman. Stacie stepped between CR and I, a lump suddenly materialized in my throat as her piercing green eyes glared down at me.
"Fuck. You." I stepped back after she spat the words at me. My best friend had cursed when speaking to me. But she'd never used that kind of language when it was directed at me. Nor had she ever looked like she wanted to kill me like that. "I hate you. I hate what you did." Chloe tried to speak up and Stacie floored her with a simple glare. "You could have died. Do you know what that would have done to us? All of us? You're the older sister Emily never had. Mine and Amy's best friend. Chloe's girlfriend and if you ask me future wife. The rest of the Bellas look to you as a leader and a friend. So FUCK YOU for trying to leave us." Tears poured out of Stacie's eyes as her face contorted into a look I had only seen once before and my heart broke. It was the exact look she had when she got the phone call saying her grandparents had passed away. "You would have left me after me losing everyone last year?" Her voice was lower now, practically a whisper and I couldn't find my voice. I just stared in shock. Stacie spun around and ran off toward the house but I was glued into place.
"STACIE!" I woke up screaming causing Chloe to bolt upright in bed and take either side of my face in her hands. Tears were streaming uncontrollably from my eyes; I couldn't seem to suck in enough air between struggling sobs.
"Beca baby what's wrong?" Chloe's eyes searched my face but my chest felt like it was collapsing and I couldn't focus on her. I heard a loud thud and then heavy footsteps from the hallway below the loft. Another loud thud and a slew of curse words before the light to the room switched on and reveled a panicked Stacie Conrad, hair askew and clothes wrinkled. Chloe looked to Stacie franticly and Stacie quickly climbed into bed beside us.
"Becs, breathe. Like me, in and out." Stacie forced me to focus on her breathing pattern and when I calmed down a little she stared for a moment. "Which one was it?" I didn't want to answer because I was embarrassed. I had a lot of nightmares that caused me to wake up in a full blown panic attack. It was always the same reoccurring four or five dreams. The Stacie dream. The dream about my mom dying. A dream about me killing myself and the worst of all is the one where Chloe leaves me. I looked at her pleading for her to figure it out so I didn't have to say it. "You screamed my name instead of Chloe's. I'm assuming it was the dream where I told you to fuck off." I nodded slowly and saw the confused look on Chloe's face. I understood that she wouldn't get why that had left me in such a panic but I still didn't trust my voice. I squeezed the taller woman's hand hoping she'd explain to Chloe for me. "Beca has these night terrors sometimes. They happened when she was stressed in college. Sophomore and junior year when we shared a room in the Bella house she was wake up screaming my name, your name or her mom's name. She once explained to me that her biggest fears are losing you or I. She'd die for us. We're all she has outside of her siblings and on more than one drunken occasion she said if it came down to it she'd pick us before them." I blushed as Stacie told Chloe my deepest secret and Chloe looked guilty.
"Wh-why do you look guilty?" I managed to stutter. Chloe's eyes flashed quickly back and forth Stacie and I.
"I didn't even know. I'm supposed to marry you and I didn't know you have night terrors. I also didn't know you felt that way about Stacie and I." I sighed and felt tears begin to fall from my eyes.
"Chloe don't beat yourself up. Beca was really embarrassed by them in college so she made me swear on my relationship with Cynthia not to tell anyone. And since they only happen when she's super upset or stressed. It's a good sign she hasn't had them in front of you before." Stacie tried to console my fiancé and I sat there helplessly clutching Stacie's forearm.
"Okay." The word sounded struggled but Chloe's shoulders perked up with a determination. "What do I do when she has them?" The question caught me off guard but a huge grin took over Stacie's face as she looked at the redhead with love on her face.
"First you have to remind her of her surroundings. That's her biggest panic is she wakes up and doesn't remember where she is. Then you remind her that she's awake and you're real. Help her focus her breathing and don't force her to talk. Because that usually sets her back a little. Then just keep light and casual contact." Her eyes drifted down to my hand which was still clutching her arm like it was my anchor to life. Chloe seemed to notice the grip for the first time and nodded. "Beca are you okay?" Stacie turned her attention to me and I gave her a hesitated and weak nod. She started to get up.
"Please stay!" I practically whined as she tried to slip out of my grip. Stacie looked to Chloe for permission and the redhead just nodded. Stacie climbed under the blanket and laid down, fluffy one of the pillows under her head and motioned to me to lay down with her. I did, rolling on my side and pressing my back into her. Chloe laid her face inches from mine and pulled my arm over her side, I pulled her impossibly closer so she was flush against my front. I gave her a look that asked if she was sure if she was okay that Stacie stayed and she giggled.
"I love you." She mumbled. "Besides I was always a little curious about sleeping with you and Stacie." Chloe winked and I felt the rumbled of laughter from Stacie's chest behind me.
"You should have just asked Chlo." Stacie teased softly and we all giggled before I sighed and closed my eyes to drift off to sleep. Feeling lighter now that Chloe knew about the night terrors. Knowing they'd both still be there when I woke up.
"Stacie?" Chloe's voice wakes me but I kept my eyes shut as I felt the taller woman's arm loosen its grip on my side and reach out to Chloe in response. "Thank you for everything you've done for both of us." I felt both Chloe and Stacie shift so they could make eye contact over my body. "I can't imagine our life without you. I-I don't even want to try. I love you."
"Don't thank me, I can't tell you how many times this bundle of joy has held me when I cried. I remember the first time. She was so upset that the Bellas had assigned her to be my roommate. We weren't really close then. We all knew she wanted to room with you but because you guys weren't dating yet we decided it wouldn't be a good idea." Chloe giggled softly and I tried to make sure they didn't know I was awake because I wanted to keep listening.
"That was probably a good idea, I don't know if I would have been able to refrain myself form jumping her bones. And if things hadn't gone down at Beca's pace then I'm not sure we'd be here, together." I had to force myself not to hum in agreement.
"It was after a pregnancy scare. I was on birth control but I had missed my period and I was horrified. I took a test and got a false positive. All I could think was that I wasn't supposed to get pregnant in college. I had such big dreams for myself. Which ironically I never got to follow because I took on the bar but that's beside the point. It wasn't even a hook up, some dirty bastard took advantage of me. I couldn't stop crying and I hadn't told anyone what happened. Beca found me crying after it went down and took me home from the party. She didn't ask anything but she sat on the floor next to my bed all night staring at the door like she was protecting me." Stacie paused to steady her voice and I knew this was hard for her to talk about. I was a little surprised when she let out a hearty laugh. "Two days after that party you were being such a bitch to us, you exploded on Beca and told her how mad you were that you thought we hooked up. She took the blame without arguing with you because she didn't want to let my secret out. But anyways I was hysterical in the bathroom outside our room when she found me. She saw the test on the counter and she ran outside and threw it away. When she came back she just pulled me into our room. Helped me put sweats and a shirt on and got me in bed. She climbed in next to me and pulled me in. I almost died of shock because the only person she was ever physical with without arguing was you. But she held me. Told me that she'd be there through it all. That the Bellas would help with the baby and that the baby would have a house full of the best moms ever. Except she wasn't sure if Lily should ever be left alone with it." Stacie stopped talking and I could hear the gears in Chloe's head grinding at the information overload.
"Beca and you never hooked up?" Was all Chloe could muster and the tall brunette burst out laughing.
"No, she never even kissed me. Well she did once when she was drunk because I dared her and called her a bitch baby if she didn't. Chloe's hand seemed to pull me closer as she listened, but in a loving kind of way. "She held my hand at the doctor's appointment after suggesting I should take a more reliable test. She even cried when the doctor told me I wasn't pregnant. That's the night we all got so wasted at the Bella house that you had to climb a tree to get a drunk Jessica out when she got stuck." Chloe laughed heavily this time. "Beca is an amazing person and I can't wait for the two of you to get married and have kids." Stacie added, receiving another laugh.
"I'm not sure Beca wants kids Stacie. But I wouldn't mind little Mitchell-Beale babies running around." Chloe's voice was soft and I couldn't stop the words from tumbling sleepily from my mouth.
"I want babies Chlo. Your babies." I blinked my eyes open in time to see shock written across her face. "Just not today. Maybe in a couple years?" Chloe nodded and I pressed lazily back into Stacie. I rolled over and blinked at how close our faces were. "Thank you for helping last night, I'm sorry I made you stay." Stacie didn't even flinch, a wide grin falling in place she just shrugged.
"Anytime shorty. But we should probably get up, I'm sure my wife is wondering where I wandered off to." Chloe laughed and I knew she was thinking about a frantic CR searching for a sleepy drunk Stacie. It wouldn't have been the first time Stacie woke up still half drunk and wandered off to some random place to sleep. Like the time we found her curled up on the kitchen table senior year.
"Wait how did you know I screamed your name?" I asked furrowing my brow at the thought of how quickly she found her way into our room. She blushed a little but didn't offer a response. "Tell me." I was firm in my demand knowing that something was wrong.
"I had a nightmare too. I woke up and was staring at the ceiling when I heard you shout my name." Stacie responded softly. Before I could ask she shook her head to cut me off. "I had a nightmare that you…" Her eyes drifted to Chloe as she seemed to trip on what she wanted or didn't want to say. "I had a nightmare that you Chloe came tripping down the hallway covered in blood. You killed yourself. Chloe just stared at her hands, at your blood." I didn't know who to stare at so I just sat up, attempting to scramble out of bed. The blankets being tucked under the other two women in an attempt that they wouldn't end up without warmth in the middle of the night caused me to be without an escape route. Stacie's hand grabbed my elbow and Chloe's fell on my shoulder. I sat there clenching my eyes closed and sighed.
"It's okay baby." Chloe cooed and I sighed again while pinching the bridge of my nose.
"Shit Chlo, we need to get ready if we're going to your family's thing today." I spun around to look at my fiance.
"It's only seven Becs. Don't even worry about it. We've got plenty of time." As Chloe spoke I heard feet connecting with the step ladder and then all of a sudden all the women in the house were piled on my bed.
"Morning Becs!" Megan shouted from my lap causing me to wince. Alex's lips connected in a sloppy wet kiss on my cheek and Cynthia got comfortable in Stacie's lap.
"Wow Beca Mitchell. You must have some kind of charm or something. Is this the most women you've had in your bed or do you need to tell me something?" Chloe teased as Alex climbed on top of her and ruffled her hair.
"Why are you all awake? What if Chloe and I had been having sex?" I groaned as Megan wiggled her way under the blankets.
"First off Chloe is smart enough to pull the steps up if you're about to go at it. Second Chloe isn't exactly quiet. Sorry Chlo." Megan grinned deviously at Chloe. "Third our baby sister is never here anymore and we miss early morning snuggles." I couldn't help but laugh at the innocent look that Megan plastered on her face.
"Besides, if you and Chloe had been getting each other off why would me wife be up here?" CR teased and Stacie mock gasped.
"About that…" Stacie's voice was low and sexual. I reached over the pile of bodies and slapped her on the shoulder. A round of laughter bust through the room when Stacie shrieked. "What?! I was just joking." We laid in silence, a mess of moving limbs as the girls all snuggled in to get comfortable.
"Will you guys sing for us?" Alex asked softly even though she looked like she was about to fall asleep. Chloe giggled as she lifted her free arm so I could lean into her side. "Do the cup song." Alex mumbled and Chloe started to sing. The three of us joining in as she took lead.
"I missed that." Megan mumbled, looking up at me from my lap. If I was laying with anyone else this would be uncomfortable but in this moment I really couldn't think of anywhere else I'd rather be.
"I love you guys." I mumbled before twisted my hand into Chloe's.