Chapter Thirty-Four
Seeing Kuroo again was terrifying in too many ways; the older boy wasn't shrouded in shadows and covered in blood like his subconscious tried to convince him, there was no menacing smiles and no flashes of light. The Nekoma captain almost looked normal. That scares him the most, that a monster can hide so easily under Kenma's safety, he thinks he might be sick. Any plans that he had are nonexistent as he focuses on staunching his insides from ending up on Kenma's floor. With his shoes already off, his hands are left with little to do except form too tight fists. This isn't right. Kenma approaches him slowly, a weird crease in his brow that Hinata feels unfamiliar with.
"Shouyou?" Hinata forgot how deep Kenma's voice was, ignoring the concerned tone was harder than he would admit; worrying Kenma was the last thing he wanted to do and there's only so many lies that he can tell before the older boy sees right through him. Silently, he draws upon any strength he has and does something he shouldn't have to force. His lips are trembling as he forces a grin and his will to continue almost falls flat when Kenma's frown sinks lower. "Sorry." Not quite sure what for. Being late and leaking raindrops onto Kenma's floor are the easiest explanations but feel meaningless, because he has too many things to be sorry for and not enough time to beg for forgiveness. "Sorry." Quieter, practically mumbles the word when he can't quite meet the older boy's too close gaze.
"You have them again." Frowning down at his feet, he offers another apology, only to feel too warm hands tugging at his jacket. "Stop apologizing." The order startles him as much as the fingers tugging at his chin; rings of bright gold observe him too closely and his heart starts pounding too hard when he's not allowed to look away, "What's wrong?" Kenma's bluntness takes him by surprise even when it shouldn't. Hinata shrugs his shoulders, surprised to find they lack the weight of his bag. "Nothing." Is the only answer he can provide because saying anything else would break him, force him to admit his suspicions and the guilt that's grasping at his throat with too big claws. Kenma hums from above him, a dismissive noise, then his hand is being tugged until he walking further into the place he calls home.
Memories are swiping by as the older boy leads him, his first and last conversations with Aki overlap in his ears until they're mounting countless stairs that remind him of shampoo and long fingers. Kenma's room is overwhelming at first, countless emotions sealed into four blue walls and a messy bed, but each sensation is relived and pulled away along with the soaking fabric and dignity. Observant eyes make his skin itch in shame, then Kenma is tugging at bandages and asking questions from too far away. "Shouyou?" Louder, in his face along with collected gold, "Tell me what these are." Fingers grazing his torment has him pulling away but too long fingers have him pinned. "Did he do these?" Hinata isn't sure who he is, can only remember screaming and the too bright lights.
"No." He replies when gold rings start to shift into shadows, "Sorry." He offers, but Kenma just sighs. "Did he do these?" Music he knows shouldn't exist has him fighting for freedom again, "Don't-" Kenma shouldn't ruin himself with that poison. Delicate fingers start to burn his skin, reigniting too many sensations that force his breathing to catch up with his heart. "Please-" He wants it to be over, wants the older boy to stop prying and soiling himself with his corruption. "This has to stop, Shouyou." It seems stupid to say out loud, because somehow he knows that this will never end.
He leans forward, soaking in the words along with Kenma's warmth, "Please end it with Oikawa." Not sure what to make of the words, Hinata nods into the older boy's neck, he's not sure when it even started with Oikawa for it to end. Everything he remembers is as blurry as his vision, and doesn't help the hammering in his chest that only Kenma can fix. "Don't use his name." He reminds the older boy but Kenma just snorts, "You don't have to be scared of him, he can't hurt you for leaving." Knowing the opposite to be true, he grabs onto Kenma's shirt, an act of desperation he can't stop himself from committing. Everything sounds so easy when the older boy says it, but Kenma doesn't know Grand King and doesn't know about Kuroo, either.
"Sorry." Says it more out of habit than actual sincerity, leaving Grand King would be dangerous to do alone and he didn't want to risk two people getting hurt because of him. Kenma sighs into his ear, soft and only for him in way that makes him wish he could be only for Kenma; the blond boy holds him for a small eternity and Hinata allows himself to drown out the too loud city with the small praises whispered into his ear. "Shouyou." Too loud after only whispers, the voice has his spine locking up but forces the tension away after remembering where he is. "Tell me the truth." Hinata nods, he'd answer anything that Kenma asks him. "What are these?" Fingers sliding down his back and grasping at his shaking arms, ghosting over half healed scars. "Accident." He admits, because the were but Kenma didn't need to know what caused the accident.
"How is cutting yourself an accident?" Kenma's voice is too hard too fast and the tone makes him flinch away from the comfort he's begged for. "I was scared." Wishes Kenma would stop, because the older boy would know if he kept asking the right questions. Nobody should have that power, especially someone who could hurt if they look too deep. "What were you scared of?" As much as he hates to admit it, almost everything scares him, too many things that can be brought back to two team captains who have broken him.
"The dark." He confesses instead of begging Kenma to stop. The older boy makes a soft noise then pulls away, Hinata tries to follow but is met with only empty space and too cold skin. "Here, you probably don't want Kuroo to see you naked." Fabric pushes against his bare chest, he's too stunned to do more than grasp at it, the idea of being exposed to Kuroo is hellish and he's thankful for the panic flooding his system that prevents him from seeing it between his every blink. There's a sigh with Kenma's next movement that makes him wish he had better control over himself, that his weakness didn't hurt the people he loved. "Sorry." He croaks, tugging at too many clothes until his body is warm but empty.
Kenma's Nekoma jacket is bright from where it hangs across his frame, too familiar red that makes him too aware that Kuroo is still in the house. It smells like flowers instead of Kenma's sweat, his disappointment is met with self-disgust but he's too distracted with getting shorts to notice Kenma's absence until the older boy appears in the doorway with a towel. "Can I tell you something?" Kenma's voice is soft, and muffled by the sound of his hair being rubbed dry. Kenma starts talking without waiting for his answer, like he hadn't been expecting it, "I like you in my clothes." Hinata swallows excessive dread, knows that Kenma would never use that word. "It means you're safe." He laughs and Kenma makes an unimpressed noise.
"I slept the entire time I wore this jacket." Forces himself to look at Kenma's face, knows that the disappointment wouldn't be there if only for a moment, catching a smile through too black bangs is his reward and he stops breathing. "Sleeping is safe, Kuroo and I watched over you everyday." His brain stops working, just for a second. "What do you mean?" The words are simple and he's certain that they are wrong. "Kuroo made you soup, made sure your pillow was fluffed. He's just like his mom." Kenma hums in reminiscence, but he's still trying to wrap his head around everything Kenma just said. "Why?" His eyes are started to itch with too many theories and fears, looks up at Kenma, desperate for an explanation.
The older boy frowns, "He's always goes overboard when his friends get sick." Friend. Hinata's shaking his head before he can help it, Kuroo did not think of him as a friend, "That- That doesn't make any sense." Knows the statement would confuse the taller boy, would make him curious and the middle blocker almost begged Kenma to ask for an answer. "Isn't it obvious?" The only thing obvious to him is that Kuroo is more frightening than he ever imagined. "Kuroo wants to be your friend, I think he might even have a crush on you, he's been asking about you all week." Kenma huffs, like there's a joke to be found in this game of lies and torture.
He doesn't respond, but he does allow the older boy to lead him back downstairs. Kenma pushes him onto the sofa, and Hinata allows himself to grasp at the other boy, hiding himself away from too many thoughts. Tokyo was supposed too be his escape, Kenma was supposed to protect him from Grand King and keep Kuroo away; neither of those things happened, Kenma going so far as to push both subjects into his shattering psyche. Kuroo is there, sharing the sofa with them, out of arms reach but still too close. The older boys talk in quiet tones, both of them staring at the television with most of their attention; Hinata isn't sure how Kenma can be comfortable around the Nekoma captain, doesn't want to think about what Kuroo's friendship. Something tells him that Kuroo hadn't done that to Kenma, would never think about doing that to Kenma if he had anything to say about it. Friendship. He's had a few friends, only a handful that he would tell anything, only one that he would tell everything.
Hours later, Kuroo stands suddenly and Hinata has to hide his trembling hands between his legs to hide any perceivable weaknesses. "Aww!" The older boy coos, then too much darkness is looming over him, and too dark eyes are staring right past his composure. "You look so cute cuddling Kenma!" No acceptable response comes to mind, only his shortening breaths draw his attention. A blinding light has him stopping his attempts all together. "Kuro!" Kenma snaps, leaning forward and swiping at the monster standing over him. "I told you stop with the pictures." Insurance. Hinata forces himself to inhale through a too tight throat when his vision starts twisting with black. "You guys are just so adorable! Look." A bright screen is pushed towards him, he leans back, knowing if he runs his finger across the screen another picture of him will show up. Kuroo's smile is twisted, like he knows what he's thinking about.
Kuroo is too close to him and Hinata is scared to breathe, terrified that if they share the same breathe that he'll relive the darkness. Kenma grounds him, telling him silently that everything will be okay with firm strokes of his fingers and a shared look in which he doesn't have to hide how terrified he is. There will come a time, he knows, where the blond boy will know everything; Kenma will have to choose between them and he's completely unsure if Kenma will even believe him.
Haruo breaks the tension, walks through the front door like a blessing. The older man provides another layer of safety between him and Kuroo on the sofa, Hinata thinks if anyone can humanize Kuroo that it would be Kenma's dad. He's still scared, terrified and shaking in Kenma's arms, but he knows that Kuroo couldn't pull him into shadows with two other witnesses. The rest of the movie passes in flashes between his calm and panicking state, sharp contrasts of comfort followed by all of his nerves frying at once whenever he's reminded of Kuroo's proximity. He can't find it himself to join in their conversation, feeling too much like an outsider for no particular reason, he's also thankful for his too tight throat prohibiting him drawing the Nekoma captain's notice. Friendship. Almost too soon, the eldest male stands up with a smile and a promise of the most delicious dinner they've ever had.
His stomach squirms in hunger and clenches at the thought of Kuroo joining them, painfully aware of the now smaller distance between him and the older boy. The older boys are talking, both sets of too painful gazes are on each other instead of him, which doesn't discourage him from tucking himself into Kenma's side and praying that this situation would end with minimal blood loss and claims of ownership. Through impossible means, he finds himself staring into too brown eyes, chopper and intimidating despite the smile. "You okay, Shouyou?" Heart freezing at the words he takes a moment to nod, and Kuroo's smile turns into half a frown that's too similar to Kenma's. "Are you sure, you've been quiet- silent all night." Hinata feels his eyes clamping shut, blocking that face out but subjecting himself into blackness, and nods again. Kenma grunts, then wonderfully long fingers are creeping up his neck and into his hair, breathing is almost easier but he can still feel Kuroo staring at him.
"Boys?" Haruo calls from behind them and Hinata has to suppress the urge to hide behind the older male. "I'm ordering, what do you want?" He almost laughs, can't find a way to dig the humor out of endless pits of despair, and burrows his way further into Kenma's chest. He can hear the other boy's heartbeat, like drums that make him tired despite the adrenaline and fear that makes his entire body tingle. "Shouyou." Kenma's chest shifts as his voice calls out, disrupting the connection along with the peace that he manages to pull from the rhythm. Tilting his head up he stares into gold irises and feels the sensation all over again, "What do you want?" The blond boy asks but he's already forgotten what they were talking about.
His silence drags the moment on for longer than necessary, then both Kenma's heart and eyes are away from him, "Just get him what I'm getting." Food. He doesn't remember hearing Kenma speak before he had called his name finds that he doesn't particularly care, glad for the lapse in time where he's able to find a strange new comfort in his friend. Within a blink, Kuroo is gone and Hinata allows himself a moment to draw in a real breath before looking back up at Kenma. "Are you okay?" The older boy is pouting, and Hinata wishes that it would stop but he knows that he'll if he tells the truth it'll only get worse. Nodding also makes it worse, Kenma makes another noise and the hands tugging at his hair slows to stop.
"Be honest." It's a harsh whisper, directly into his ear that sends thorns of anxiety ricocheting through his spine; the effort to meet Kenma's eyes must give him away, but he nods anyway and listens as the blond boy draws out a short sigh. The hand starts again, long fingers spanning across his scalp more roughly than before. Making Kenma mad wasn't his intention and now he feels like garbage but can't find the voice to beg for forgiveness. "Is it Kuroo?" The voice is softer than before, but still close enough that he can feel the heat from Kenma's mouth. Hinata feels himself go still, he tries to shake his head and deny that anything is wrong; he can't, he can't lie to Kenma, even if it makes the older boy mad at him.
"I guess telling you not to worry wouldn't help." He thinks there might be a question in there, but Kenma can see through him easily even when he's completely silent. "Remember what I told you last time you were here?" Hinata blinks, he knew that Kenma wasn't a very talkative person, but the older boy had said a lot of things in the almost month that he stayed in Tokyo. The setter seems to catch onto his confusion as easily as he expects him to, "You don't have to be strong when you're with me." He nods, distinctly remembering the feeling of belonging and the devastation of loss as he forced himself back to Miyagi. "And now you're wearing my jacket." His body tenses in terror as he waits for Kenma to speak again. Mine. "You're under my protection." There's a sigh as that word is avoided, he glances up at Kenma, wondering why he ever looked away from intense gold in the first place.
"Yours." He confirms. Shock floods his system but he needs that validation that that word isn't evil, needs to know that he can belong to somebody that doesn't scare him. "Mine." Kenma's voice is like gravel, barely sounding Japanese, let alone human. His body trembles in a way that isn't terrible since he's arrived in Toyko, feels that he can separate the city from his best friend with that confirmation. "Can I tell you something?" He asks, feeling brave enough to smile but not while looking into Kenma's eyes. There's a grunt in that same tone and he swallows down too many unprocessed emotions. "I love you." The words turn into mumbles into Kenma's shirt, losing his spike of confidence but not the emotions that caused it.
"I love you." Repeated back, quietly and just for him. His heart stops. It's the first time Kenma's ever said it and he tells himself not to cry even when the itching in his eyes becomes overwhelming. Hinata is pretty sure that you're not supposed to cry when somebody says that, confesses and means it, but he can't help it. Salty beads of moisture soak into the fabric his nose is pressed into. "Sorry." He mumbles towards Kenma's heart, and the boy is belongs to makes a humming noise, something between exasperation and amusement that makes his own heart feel much lighter. "Sorry." He offers again, feeling stupid for being scared at all, the older boy would protect him because he had promised so on several occasions.
The promise is still there when Kuroo returns, he wipes tears on a jacket turned shield and allows himself to separate from his protector only for a second. He doesn't look at the Nekoma captain, not out of fear or disdain, knows that the taller boy won't be able to hurt him but he doesn't want to feel anything but the contentment that stops his chest from collapsing. Haruo returns before the moment can return to its previous tenseness, he returns the older man's smile, hoping that his apology is written across his lips and that he can savor I love you for a little longer. "You know what time it is?" The dark haired man asks, with a wicked grin that Hinata can't process, he's not even sure what year it is at the moment. I love you. Like cement and fire where his mental calendar is, he should probably check the time and commit it to memory.
"No, teacher." The older man laughs, something threatening but not frightening in the way that he is too familiar with. All at once the channel on the TV changes and a controller is cradled in his hands, he's pretty sure that Kenma sighs six times in the half-moment it takes for everything to click into place. Smash Bros. He's not sure why he was expecting anything else, there's only a few things that he knows about Haruo and his love for the game is the most prominent aside from his easily bent will when squid is involved.
Haruo's warm voice fills the gaps of silence when Kenma isn't talking to him, he doesn't understand much of what the older man is saying, he's not even sure that most of the words coming out of the man's mouth are even real or related to the game, but that doesn't stop Hinata from getting lost in the call of their voices. His hands don't tremble with something to hold onto, but his head is still heavy with doubt and fear of the moment ending before he's ready. His frame tenses when they're a knock at the door and Haruo is pulled away, Kenma's arm settling on his hip is enough to keep the thoughts silent even if he knows of their presence and intention. Knows that it would asking too much to ask for complete freedom and doesn't push his luck.
Listening to Haruo's excited voice overlapping Kenma's lifts him from the bubbling sinkhole a little once he focuses on being in the moment instead of being suspended in his thoughts. The oldest man is making friends with their delivery boy and Kenma is providing him commentary on the movie he only just realizes is playing. "Food, food, food!" Haruo chirps, closer with each repetition, Hinata feels himself smiling into blood red sleeves and soaks up the smell of flowers and chicken as much as he does the attention of his protector.
Haruo scoots forward and Hinata is towered over by the happiest adult he's ever seen, "I ordered you double, Shouyou-chan, you're looking a little-" The older man hums in thought, running his knuckles across an unshaven cheek with a look of curious merriment. Hinata is pretty sure that this is the closest he'll ever see of Haruo being serious. "Upset, you're not sick, are you?" Then the older man is too close, can see individual whiskers on Haruo's cheek that distracts him from the heat on his forehead until his skin starts vibrating along with Haruo's throat. "N-What are you doing?" He squeaks out, trying to pull away but the older man's lips follow.
"Checking your temperature." Hinata blinks, stares at the older man with confusion manipulating his eyebrows. "Well?" He asks hesitantly when Haruo remains silent but watchful. "Well what?" The older man prompts, his head tilting like a confused animal. "What's my temperature?" He ignores the snort of his guardian and stares at Haruo intently as the older man studies him. "I dunno, I've never done that before." Hinata sighs, not really sure what to gather from the experience.
"I saw Aki do that whenever one of our boys was sick, thought I'd give it a go." The older man explains with a laugh, Hinata can't find it in himself to remain irritated and accepts the weirdness as it is. "Boys?" He quips, interested because he was pretty sure that Kenma had never mentioned a sibling before. Haruo nods silently, his attention distracted with the plastic bag in his hands; the dark haired man slides his leg over the side of the sofa and pulls take-out containers out of the bag. He takes the two boxes handed to him and stares at them, feeling more perplexed than is probably healthy, "You may not be sick, but you're too thin, being thinner than Kuroo-chan and Kenma cannot be good on your health." The older man explains, rubbing at his own gut proudly. The dark haired boy nods, accepting the challenge as well Haruo's version of parental concern. "You didn't have to." He mumbles around his chopsticks, Haruo laughs.
The oldest man prays quickly, practically slurring over his words and then levering food into his mouth; Hinata thinks he understands the disgusted faces that Tsukishima makes whenever the team has lunch together a little more, but doesn't dwell on having something in common with the other middle blocker for long. Kenma is staring at him, mouth half full of chicken katsu, he offers the older boy a smile and works the lid off his first container. Shouyou has never claimed to be a food critic, and has never used the word savory in a sentence before, but he will admit that this is probably the best chicken katsu he's had in at least sixteen years.
He can't finish it all, even with the stern looks that both Kenma and Haruo give him. "You still have a lot to learn." The oldest Kozume jests, Hinata hums in a particular Kenma-fashion, neither agreeing or disagreeing. "Isn't patience a virtue? I can finish it later." His voice is still quiet, barely loud enough for him to hear the words but Haruo just chuckles, reaching around Kenma to pat him on the shoulder. "Well said, my wonderful student." He flushes under the praise and promptly tucks his face in equally red fabric to avoid the knowing look that he knows Kenma is giving him.
Haruo jumps up and disappears without an explanation, Hinata looks up at Kenma curiously but the older boy just rolls his eyes. "The sun! My beautiful, amazing wife, whom I love very much!" Haruo giggles and offers to help Kenma's mother with her bags. Two sets of feet stomp across the floorboards and Hinata's heart sinks with nostalgia, feels a phantom key and nonexistent pills in his hands. The woman stops walking when her eyes catch his, he tries to smile but can't quite meet the critical gaze. "Hinata-kun."
"Kozume-san." He chirps back, not really sure what else to say. Her lips spread, revealing a white he can only find in Tokyo. "Welcome back." The words are short, but meaningful in a way he usually only finds in Kenma's. I love you. He smiles back, eyes veering to to the floor when his cheeks start to burn again. "Are you feeling alright?" Feels her too knowing eyes darting over him, "Fine." He squeaks, holstering too warm cheeks in Kenma's Nekoma jacket. She makes a soft noise, like she doesn't quite believe him.
"Haruo, isn't it past eight?" The man in question makes a noise in agreement, "...You work at eight." Haruo jumps from beside his wife, "Oh shit!" Hinata watches his teacher rush towards in the direction of the door, cursing wildly and sounding too troubled for Hinata to correct his teacher's apparent cursing problem. If anything, the scenario made him a little less stressed about his future, knowing that adults forgot about their responsibilities and appearing to have faults. He looks away from the doorway Haruo disappeared from, wondering what it even is that the older man even does for a living, but the question drops when he notices that Aki is staring at him again, assessing him.
"Kuroo-kun." He flinches at the name, dread floods his entire system and burns up every feeling but fear. Cursing himself for being so negligent, he dares a glance at the other end of the couch; sure enough, Kuroo is there, looking over him and at Kenma's mother. "Kozume-san." The dark haired boy greets, with a too wide grin. "How was work?" Hinata's perplexed by the question, frightened that the monster is able to speak on friendly terms without making it sound threatening. He looks away, towards Aki who shrugs a loose shoulder, "Exhausting but rewarding, the usual." The middle blocker doesn't know a lot about psychology work, or about how exhausting it could be, but the woman had been there when he and Kenma woke up and didn't return until they were asleep. He thought that was pretty admirable, responsible contrasting heavily to Haruo's forgetfulness.
"Looks like we had quite the feast." A painted fingernail draws his eyes to mostly empty take-out boxes, he nods quietly, not scared of anything but drawing attention to himself. "I should probably get going, before my parents start to worry." Hearing about Kuroo's parents scare him, the man from the station and the sharp nailed woman that dyed his hair, he knows those people. He wonders if those people know what their son is, or if they helped create it. His body is aware of Kuroo's position in the house, like chills running over his skin as the taller boy shifts silently across the floorboards. "Thanks for having me." Watches the Nekoma captain bow to Kenma's mother, then chopper eyes are gleaming as they land on him, begging to be acknowledged.
Hinata looks away, "Later Kenma. Bye-bye Shouyou." The way his name is spoken make his spine tingle with ice, it feels like another something has been stolen from him by the dark haired boy. Kuroo is gone before he can ask for it back, into the shadows where his kind belong. He feels guilty with how easy it is to breathe without Kuroo in the same building as him, but he's not sure he could handle returning to that state of torture. "How was the train ride?" He remembers her asking that almost a lifetime ago. "I got rained on." He admits, smiling into the smell of flowers. "It's kind of dreary, isn't it?" He thinks there might be more than one question in her words, but he just shrugs. "I kind of like the rain, kind of part of coming home, I guess." This home. He's not sure why he said that and hopes that the woman won't laugh at how falsely poetic he's being.
"I never thought about it like that." The admission is surprising, he had assumed everyone in Tokyo connected their city with rain and suits and too many cars. Aki huffs out a laugh, so similar to Kenma's it has him staring at her face as she does it. Aki smiles down at him with worn golden eyes, "Enjoy the rain then, just don't get sick." She turns away to hide a heavy yawn, "Welcome back, Shouyou." His name is foreign on her tongue, but it fills him with an awkward warmth, something new and nice. "Goodnight." She offers to both of them before disappearing behind a door. As soon as the wood collides with its frame, he turns to Kenma and all but throws himself at the older boy.
He's shaking with fear and excitement, mortification and contentment, he wishes he could just feel one thing. Kenma. Golden rings find his gaze quickly, observe him until his brain starts leaking out doubt and terror to be replaced with nothing. "I love you." He smiles into Kenma's chest, tucking himself against the older boy until he can hear that rhythm again. Kenma leads him upstairs, eases him out of borrowed shorts, but he grabs at extended fingers before they land on the zipper of the older boy's jacket. Kenma's hand is clammy against his, he smiles up at the older boy briefly before jumping onto the mattress behind them. The older boy lingers for a moment but joins him silently. Hinata slots his body against Kenma's, warm hips and expansive chest covering his back until he's convinced that they're becoming inseparable.
"Shouyou?" When Kenma's voice is right in his ear, he can make out the worry and little else. He hums in askance, feeling too warm to form words; Kenma swallows loudly from behind him and Hinata isn't sure if this will either be really awkward or really terrifying. "Can I turn off the light?" The dark. His shoulders tighten, like they're rejecting the cover of flesh that his guardian is providing; Hinata's face squirms into a pillow before he shakes his head, darkness let the monsters roam free. The dark got people hurt. "Okay." He's grateful for the lack of questions, more grateful when Kenma's body reasserts itself around him with ensnaring arms and steady breathing into his hair.
Kenma's heat helps him find sleep quickly, lets unconsciousness take him without drowning him in shadows. Saturday morning occurs within the blink of an eye, and his back is exposed to the cold. "Kenma?" He asks, forcing terror down before it takes away any rational thinking. The older boy turns up within a minute, with his pills and a glass of water, Hinata rolls his eyes but obeys the silent command with the condition that Kenma cuddles him while he medicates. The older boy agrees, presses his chest against against his smaller back until he can feel Kenma's heart better than his own. The pills grant him reprieve from the ever present mounting dread that accompanies him wherever his thoughts lead him, Kenma presses Animal Crossing into his hands and leans back against a mound of pillows. Knowing that Kuroo's hands have touched and fluffed these make him reluctant to touch them, but Kenma's arms are guiding him before he has a choice.
"Shouyou." Kenma mumbles into his hair, he hums in awareness while greeting his virtual neighbors. "You look really cute." Shouyou's heart stops, Kenma's races in his place. He sinks lower against the older boy's chest, ignoring the piercing gaze of his protector and the blush on his cheeks in favor of making friends with a virtual ape. "Are you not going to respond?" His silence extends in place of an answer, his face clear as possible until Kenma's stupid fingers dig into his stomach. "Stop it, you stupid jerk!" He squeals, choking on laughter that prevents his hatred for Kenma from turning into revenge. "I thought you loved me?" The older boy teases, with a hard dig into his stomach forcing his entire body in the opposite direction.
"I hate you!" He growls into empty hair, trying to escape the omniscient hands. Kenma relents, after another hard prod. "Shouyou." He grunts back, feigning irritation as best he can. "Look up." He glances towards the ceiling, finding nothing but blue but a soft click draws his attention. The blond boy makes a weird noise from behind him and Hinata leans back until he gets a better look at the boy's face. His view is blocked by a too big cellphone that he pushes away with little effort. "Look." Swallowing, he looks towards the bright screen Kenma's long fingers are wrapped around. A glimpse of him and Kenma, with too red cheeks and him staring up like an idiot. He laughs despite telling himself not to, "You look weird with a blush." He likes it though, not that Kenma needs to know that.
Kenma makes a noise in agreement, turning the screen back with a stretch of a long finger. "Why'd you do that?" He asks when the silence draws on for too long. The older boy's stomach bounces against his spine, "I don't like not being to see you." He can tell that Kenma is still blushing with how quiet the words are, it spreads a smile across his cheeks. "Just think, one day we get to wake up like this everyday." Thinking about the future never interested him, with only one goal in mind and no plan to achieve it, something simple like wake up with Kenma everyday was a blessing and a direction he could follow. "You're going to have to eat more, if that's the case." The dark haired boy gawks, shoving his elbow into the side of Kenma's hip. "What's that supposed to mean?" He asks, exaggerating how offended he is only slightly. Kenma huffs into his hair, "It's like cuddling a corpse, so thin and cold." He laughs before he can make a comeback, settles on running his corpse like hands over Kenma's warm thighs. The older boy shivers.
Hinata allows himself to be lazy once they've reached the bathtub, he climbs inside with heavy limbs and all of his thoughts pouring out his mouth. Mostly comments on Kenma's now naked body and the sensations it illicits when pressed against his own. The decision for an efficiently shared shower is made moot by an extra twenty minutes of exploring each other under sheets of steam and splashes of boiling water; Kenma's fingers explore every part of him, squeezing and stroking reactions from him with sensations he could barely remember. He returns the favor, dragging his tongue over already soaked thighs until Kenma is grasping at his hair and trembling under his grasp. He asks Kenma if his phone is waterproof while the older boy takes the lead in drying them off, his butt gets smacked as an answer and forces him out of the small room before the older boy decides to go too far.
They wind up at the piano bench after another exploration in which Kenma ends up using a long string of curses that makes him question what is actual passed down through genetics. He's certain, almost an hour later, that Kenma only offered to teach him so they would have to sit on the most uncomfortable sitting place in the entire house, if Kenma's predatory grin is anything to go by. Kenma runs him through the warm up exercises again, but Hinata is a little too focused on pale fingers too mimic the movements said fingers are making. Kenma rolls his eyes, then long fingers are spread out over his own and that really doesn't help. "Play something for me." He requests after a long hour of perfecting his finger posture. Kenma complies and Hinata finds his attention divided between graceful movements and a somber melody that makes him relive memories that don't belong to him.
"That was sad." He comments, feeling lighter once his admission is made. The blond boy shrugs, indifferent, which forces the middle blocker to wonder if producing music affected one's ability to feel it. He hoped not, he wanted to relive that moment over and over until he understood, but Kenma was standing before he could ask to hear it a second time. Kenma leads him to the front door, but doesn't pull on his shoes just opens the door and lets cold air blast over them like a strong tide. The older boy leads him outside, under the canopy of gloomy clouds and dribbling water, barely hidden by the overhang of the porch; Hinata's steps are unsure, the abruptness of their escapade is unlike anything he's witnessed with Kenma before. Closing the door, he joins Kenma on the edge of the porch, barely out of the path of water that that slides down the roof. He sits first, stretching his bare legs onto damp concrete, raindrops tingle like needles as they collide with his skin.
Kenma follows his lead, sitting on the singular step that keeps them from sitting in a puddle, his legs stretch out until he can feel Kenma's leg hair ghosting against his skin. They sit there for an eternity, one longer than he thought possible. The moment is silent except for the sloshing of rain and dull buzz of panic that's become a permanent fixture in his head. Hinata stares at his bare toes, almost shriveled from too much moisture and wiggles them, thankful for their function.
Inevitably, his thoughts fall onto Kuroo, the man who had immortalized his shame and wouldn't let him rest without fear, the man who forced him to seek protection from someone who shouldn't have to carry his burden; he notices Kenma staring at him with a nudge to his shoulder, he blinks, then smiles at the older boy. Kenma huffs, "Why do you like this stuff?" Blond hair tilts, gesturing at the cascading water. Hinata shrugs, "Reminds me of you." He says after a moment of consideration. "Wet and grey?" The middle blocker laughs, tugging at black bangs until he can observe them instead of Kenma's curious expression. "It's more than that, it always rains when I'm here. Which means it always rains when I'm with you." He can see Kenma's lips squirm from around his hand, hides a smile with the same obstruction. "Maybe you should come every time it rains." He laughs.
"I'd never leave then?"
"That's the point."
"I wish I could."
"You can, technically."
Hinata pauses at that, he was technically without a family to call his own and had no guardians besides his captain. "I have a dream." Kenma grunts, staring down at his own toes now. "I know." Hinata considers the other boy for a long moment, staring through blond hair and even face. "What's your dream?" Then golden eyes are pinning him under a faucet of raindrops and incomprehensible emotions. "For you to stay." The Nekoma jacket settled around his body gets a little tighter with the admission. "That's not a dream." He whispers back. Kenma looks at him, then shrugs, "You're the only thing I think about enough to have dreams about." Hinata blinks at that, a shy smile spreading his lips out. "You dream about me."
Kenma's face flushes with color but he nods without looking further away, "Tell me." He begs, and the older boy nods again, still refusing to meet his eyes. "We live in a castle..." His attention picks up at we, confirming that the blond boy has thought about that as well, he nods, watches as Kenma's Adam's apple convulse in his neck before he speaks again. "We're royalty, from different kingdoms, and my mother is insisting that I marry you before our tails fall of." Hinata blinks. "Tails?" He squeaks indignantly, Kenma's lips quirk oddly. "We were like- cat people, I guess." He laughs at that. "Did we use litter boxes?" Kenma glares at him. "Another?" He pesters when the blond boy falls silent.
"We lived in a forest- a cave, and everyday you'd make a new friend." Kenma swallows before continuing, "All of them animals, and they'd bring you little gifts. You'd make them little hats." He laughs, promises to make little hats for all of his secret animal friends. "Another?"
"Your legs." Hinata gestures for more but the other boy is dutifully silent and blushing. "My legs." He echoes. Kenma nods, rubbing their already touching legs together enough to grab his attention. "Why?" He questions, taking a moment to scrutinize his appendages before looking back the older boy. Kenma shrugs, "Just a dream." Hinata nods slowly, he supposed that was true. "Although, what's in between them is pretty interesting." Shouyou turns pink, slams his fist into Kenma's thigh and hopes it bruises. The older boy falls quiet again, and Hinata lets him be.
Kenma refuses to take him sightseeing, no matter how many times he offers the other boy a feel of his legs; he accepts his defeat, climbs onto the older boy's lap and stares intently into the cat-like orbs. "You ever have a dream like this?" The blond boy stares at him, frozen except for the fingers pressing into his hips. "No." Kenma's voice drops into a growl, and Hinata leans forward, pressing his lips against Kenma's. The afternoon is spent with Kenma petting him, mostly on his legs that are apparently more muscular in his dream.
Sunday morning fills him with regret, wishing he insisted on doing something for Kenma, but the older boy just holds him while he panics about how short his visit is. Water and pills are offered to him before his breathing stops, he swallows everything and sighs loudly. He knows that complaining about it would make it worse, waste limited time before he rode back on to his dream; he wishes he'd seen Kenma on that TV screen all those years ago. Kenma insists that he takes the morning slow, that his panic attack had been pretty bad, Hinata only agrees with the condition that Kenma says it while he checks on his Animal Crossing town.
"I love you." An unenthusiastic mumble that has the dark haired boy craning his neck to see if Kenma had spontaneously gotten sick, he frowns at the lack of sickly pallor. "Again." He requests, accidentally picking up the wrong item in an attempt to multitask. "I love you." Lower, more guttural just like the first time. His spine tingles with chills despite Kenma's heart beating against it, he let's the older boy off the hook, replays the words over and over in his head until he could never forget them.
"Aren't you going to say it back?" Kenma muses once Animal Crossing is saved and closed, Hinata turns around in Kenma's grasp, putting their faces too close. He's pretty sure they've been recycling the same breath for five minutes before he remembers that the older boy said something. "I love you." Giggles at the way Kenma's eyes widen when he does, like they affect his protector as much as they do him. Their movements are as languid as they are synchronized, they share another shower, this one with minimal fondling and more kissing. The older boy dresses him in the same Nekoma jacket and borrowed shorts, Hinata doesn't refuse, understanding that these would accompany him home and be kept in his two bags along with his picture of Natsu, precious and important.
The older boy doesn't say much, like he too wants to savor the feeling of I love you being the last words off of his tongue, Kenma doesn't offer to walk him to the station, like he knows that Hinata will refuse. Because he will, because he would never leave if Kenma, or Haruo, or Aki offered to see of his departure. At noon, Kenma decides to prepare him a bento; Hinata remains silent, sits on the floor and watches his protector dance around the kitchen, listening to the symphony that the appliances provide. He's pretty sure that it doesn't take two hours to make a meal, but he's only done it a few times and certainly never while being distracted with kisses and whispers.
Kenma sends him off, repeats those words one more time until Hinata can feel his heart beating like it hasn't in such a long time. He calls them back, making a stupid heart with his hands for no reason other than being too happy. The blond snaps a picture of him, watches him disappear out of view, Hinata's not sure he hears the door slam until he's passing leafless trees. Being alone is odd when he feels this much joy, he wants it to last forever, or at least until he gets to Daichi's, but he knows that that was stretching it.
"Shouyou." The calling of his name takes him by surprise, he turns around expecting barely showing roots and an emergency bento. He gets shadows, and finds it terrifyingly fitting that thunder crackles across the sky at that exact moment. "Kuroo." He half gasps, wishing that his contentment could last one more second instead of being instantly replaced with dread. "Can I walk you to the station?" He expected an order, the declaration of ownership, anything but a question. Finds himself staring at the Nekoma captain for too long that the older boy smirks at him.
"Hello?" Too large hand on his head and he jerks away, almost slipping on the slick concrete with his unexpected action. "You're going to miss your train, come on." He's led away by tanned fingers that are too loose around his wrist to complain about, even if he wants to. "I'm really going to miss you, Kenma too." He's not sure what Kuroo is playing at but his eyes start to itch at the mention of his guardian, the weight of his jacket almost too heavy on his shoulders to continue. "But I think I get it." He's not sure what they're even talking about, too busy focusing on keeping his heart from failing him.
"Why you want to stay at Karasuno, that is." Hinata blinks, again when Kuroo turns back to look at him. "Even without a family, you still have your team; almost a dozen people you can count on for support." Hinata watches Kuroo nod to himself, he feels rage start to bubble inside of him, to tell Kuroo that he almost had one less because of what he did. He doesn't. He can't. "And you have me and Kenma, Haruo and Aki too." Kuroo stops walking, watches the older boy turn around with the sense to run. Chopper eyes pin him down before he takes his chance. "I'm going to ask you this, for all their sake's." Hinata frowns, wonders if Kuroo is about to ask him to never return to Tokyo. To his home.
"Break up with Oikawa." In between falling into the clutches of another panic attack and actually falling onto the sidewalk, he demands to know how the Nekoma captain got that information. "How do you know about that?" He growls at the older boy, aware that Kuroo could hurt him or throw him into the dark at any moment. The taller boy frowns, offers him a hand he doesn't take. "Doesn't matter. You belong to us and your team. Please stay away from him." Hinata flinches at please, stunned to process that Kuroo can even use that word. "Why should I?" He wants to, wants to run from Grand King almost as much as he wants to run from Kuroo.
"I can't." He really, really can't. Grand King could see through all of his weaknesses, knew where his family was and who was precious to him. Kuroo leans forward, looming darkness that makes his head screech, a too big hand grabs onto his wrist again. Gentle in a way that Kuroo could not be, "I know that he gives you what you want." He can't quite place Kuroo's tone, or the cryptic words but he's too busy trying to tug his hand out of soft, spiteful fingers. "But me and Kenma can give you more, anything you need." He doesn't need anything from Kuroo, and he really wished the older boy would just stop pretending he could. "It probably really hurts Kenma, seeing you in his jacket but questioning if you really belong to him." Kuroo's tone is sad, but there's half a smile dancing across his tanned cheeks. Hinata wants to be sick, using him was one thing but using Kenma to manipulate him was too far.
"He's too strong." He doesn't expect Kuroo to understand, the guy practically flayed his teammate without anyone knowing about it. "I can help you." Hinata stops walking. "How?" He demands, quietly and suppressing anything but the rage that has his blood rushing in his ears. "I'll stop him from hurting you." His laugh is only answered with a glare, but he shrugs, waiting for the cackling to die down before he speaks again. "It's not me I'm worried about." Kuroo frowns, and nods, tugging at his hand again. He follows.
Nippori station surprises him, he expected to be whisked off into a dark alley, never to return. A glance up at Kuroo earns him a smile that he tries his hardest to hate. Help. Snorts at the prospect. "He might come after Kenma if..." He trails off, knowing that Grand King could come after Kenma for any number of reasons, including the jacket across his shoulders. Kuroo's grip tightens on his wrist, he winces but continues to follow the older boy's lead without cause. "Isn't it more fun to have enemies you can't seem to beat?" There's teasing in the older boy's tone and he doesn't know why. "But Oikawa shouldn't be a problem, not with my entire team kicking his face in." Kuroo laughs. Hinata feels his teeth throb.
They're at the ticket counter before he can tug his hand away, a moment later an unusual paper is pressed into his hand. Sucker. He should thank Kuroo, for this favor is nothing else, but he knows that it is not free. You belong to us. His gratitude will be pulled from later, along with his ability to breathe. "Just avoid him until we have a plan." We. "Don't bring Kenma into this." He doesn't care about plans, his protector doesn't need to be involved in any schemes with an almost murderer. The Nekoma captain nods, and they stop walking right in front of where the train doors will stop. A tanned hand is extended to him, the same one that pinned him against the door, the same one that forced him onto his knees and into the dark.
He accepts it.
For Kenma.