A/N: To the 'lovely' anon who goes by the name of 'Loki' (Convenient anon is convenient): You do realize that this entire story is a parody on fanfiction and shipping culture in general, right? You look really silly by getting mad at me for discussing something that I'm not even really touching upon. Oh well. You made me laugh. Huzzah.

Hide and Peek:

I furrowed my brows and leaned back against the wooden frame of my bed. I was in my dorm room, thankfully without Feliciano's presence, but still unfortunately surrounded by Antonio's. Ever since we had decided to give this whole 'dating' thing a go he never left my side. If I was at the café, he was at the café, and every minute not spent at class or work was still spent with him. I can't say that I minded him all that much considering the fact that we suck face literally every opportunity that we get. What?! He was a damn good kisser, alright? Hop off my ass, you self righteous pricks!

Anyways, it goes to say that not a lot of studying has been accomplished by yours truly over the past few weeks. Antonio was very distracting and very needy. If I didn't give him enough attention, he would begin to whine until I relented and gave him some affection. But today, I was determined to get a good portion of my work done, with or without Antonio. Honestly, I don't think that I could bring myself to kick him out either way. He wasn't bothering me at the moment, and having his head rest on my thigh while I typed away on my laptop was oddly therapeutic.

Right now, I was scrambling to finish a last-minute submission for my creative writing class. For our mid-term evaluation, we had been tasked with writing a 30,000-word multi-chapter. The prompt was vague, which left more than enough room for our creativity to fill in the gaps. Basically, we were to write a story that included the motif of something that was both destructive and binding.

For my story, I had chosen to incorporate the theme of love. Romance wasn't typically my preferred genre of writing, but I suppose that that bastard really did rub off his moronic ways on me after all. I can't say that I was disappointed in the way that the story turned out, however. I found it increasingly fascinating to develop the roundness and internal conflict of these characters, and like most writers, I had developed an uncanny attachment to them. They were my creations, and yet, I had learned so much from them as well.

My main protagonist, Lucy, is a strong-willed girl who had had her heart broken by her partner, Anthony. To give a quick summary, Anthony reverted to alcoholism after the tragic death of his friend, and over time, his pent-up frustration took away from his relationship with Lucy. The story begins with their breakup, and takes off as Anthony leaves rehab and seeks to reconcile his broken relationship with Lucy.

It's funny how I based a lot of Anthony's quirks off of Antonio's ditsy, cheerful personality. The way I see it, those who smile more hide the most burdens in life. And what could possibly be more destructive and binding than broken love?

Antonio sighed, turning his head to shed me with yet another one of his puppy dog pouts. I placated him by running a hand through his mop of messy brown curls. If I didn't do this every now and then, the bastard would get jumpy and just downright impatient. Was it a dog or a clingy boyfriend that I was taking care of? Who knows.

"Are you done yet?" he whined, nuzzling his head into my thigh to emphasize his growing impatience. I clicked my tongue in annoyance. Honestly, no one had asked him to be here. I did tell him that I had a lot of work to do this weekend and that I wouldn't have much time for anything else. He's just lucky that I let him into my dorm in the first place.

If Feliciano wasn't working at the café today, Antonio surely wouldn't be here. The last thing that I needed right now was to have Feliciano spying on us for Liza. That pan-happy bitch had spies everywhere, and my dorm room certainly wasn't an exception. Antonio and I couldn't so much as study in the library without having a paparazzi of fangirls stalk after us. Regardless, I enjoyed my privacy, and if I was going to spend any time with Antonio, it would be alone.

I bit my tongue and tried to contain as much patience in my voice as possible. I couldn't stay mad at the bastard when he looked so adorably sleepy. He had slept on my lap for the majority of this afternoon. Hence, the ruffled hair, oversized long-sleeved shirt, and puffy green eyes.

"No. I already told you. I still have another three chapters to write."

Antonio rolled off my lap and onto his back. He tilted his head so that he was ogling at me from an upside-down position. I bit my lip to hide the smile tugging at the corners of my mouth. Damn bastard.

"But you've been writing for so long!" he complained. "I'm getting bored."

"Go home then," I huffed. "No one's forcing you to stay here."

Wrong move, Lovino. It was a well-known fact that Antonio liked staying at my dorm room more than anywhere else, and honestly, I couldn't blame him. His other two roommates, Francis and Gilbert, were downright lunatics. Not that I didn't already know this, of course. Those nutjobs were regular customers of the café, and most often enough, I was coerced into serving them.

Moreover, my dorm room was like some sort of safe haven to Antonio. Enjoying spending time with me was only part of the reason why he begged to come here so often. Between having Francis repeatedly bring home new sex partners, and Gilbert's day-through-night frat parties, Antonio had very little opportunity for a sense of peace and quiet in his life. Why he sought out those things in me is beyond my sense of comprehension. Although being called a bastard wasn't nearly as bad as listening to the drunken moans and groans of his friends. Come to think of it, it was no wonder why he liked being here so much.

"But Loviiii! You know how much I like to spend time with you," Antonio raked a desperate hand along my pant leg, which, in fact, confirmed my theory that he was part dog.

"You're spending time with me right now, bastard."

"Ay!" Antonio chided. "It wouldn't kill you to take a break every now and then."

"I can't afford a break. I'm already far enough behind as it is."

Antonio switched tactics, deciding to use his charm to sway me into giving in to his pleading.

"Can you at least 'afford' me a kiss?" Antonio mused. "Por favor." He added with yet another blinding, pearly white grin.

Antonio pursed his lips in anticipation, causing me to scoff and close my laptop. Acknowledging this small victory, Antonio sat up and crawled over to me. I glared up at him. "You're distracting me," I grumbled in a half-hearted voice. "I should have gotten rid of you earlier."

Antonio bent forward and gently pressed his lips to mine. "But you didn't~!" he just about sang. "Which means that you secretly do want me here."

I knotted a hand through Antonio's hair, and firmly, but gently, tugged on the roots. Only for teasing purposes, that is. "Of course I do," I smirked. "Who else would be there to wipe that smug ass grin off your face?"

Antonio was more than happy to comply when I crushed my lips to his once more.

After a timely snogging session, Antonio pulled away and crawled off the bed. There was a lively bounce to his step as he skipped over to the bedroom door.

I cocked my head to the side. "Where are you going?"

"I think the question you should be asking is where are we going?"

"Nice try, moron. I'm not going anywhere."

Antonio bent his knees and patted his thighs with both hands. Suddenly, I felt as if I had become the dog in the relationship.

"Come on! One hour! That's all I ask of you. I'll take you somewhere fun~!" Antonio winked, but wasn't quite successful in pulling off the Prince Charming image. He looked anxious more than anything else. Staying in one place for so long must have really bored him. It would explain why he couldn't stop jumping on the balls of his feet.

I defiantly turned my head to the side. "No."

Cue an explosion of protests on Antonio's side.

It was clear to me now that I wasn't dealing with a man, but rather a screaming toddler.

"Don't you care about what I want?"

I crossed my arms. "You're not being fair, Antonio. You can't always have things go your way."

"But I never have things go my way!"

"What about that time where you forced me into sharing a churro with you?"

"Okay, so maybe one time-"

"Or the time when I agreed to sit on your lap in the library?"

This time I didn't even give the spluttering Spaniard a chance to speak.

"Or how about the fact that I let you call me Lovi now?"

Antonio's shoulders slumped. "I just wanted to make you happy," he pouted.

"Chigi!" I cursed. "Not this again! You are so not going to guilt trip me into going out, dammit!"

Antonio looked up and finished me off with his fatal puppy dog blow.

"Don't mind me," he frowned. "I'm just a lonely nobody whose boyfriend doesn't care about him."

I ignored Antonio until he sat on the ground and began to pray out loud.

"Dear God, I would very much like it if you made Lovino a little nicer to be around. All I want in life is to see him laugh and smile and not be so stubborn! PS. It would be very much appreciated if you could convince him into wearing a dress. I look forward to the day when he finally comes to terms with his cuteness~!"

Antonio grinned and saluted the air for no apparent reason. "Thanks for listening, Carriedo out!"

My hand moved on instinct. Unfortunately, Antonio was smart enough to duck from the now airborne pillow. His stupid fusoso laughter filled the room, and being tired of it, I stood up and stormed out of the room.

"One hour and that's it, bastard!" I called over my shoulder.

Antonio grinned. His precious tomato was all too easy to manipulate.

…

Antonio's short one-hour date was already off to a horrible start. For one thing, I had been forced to cover my eyes and let him lead me to a spot of his choosing. The only solace that I felt was the fact that not many people would be able to see us out here in the open like this. With it being night time, I didn't have to worry about getting the odd, judgemental look from your run-of-the-mill homophobic bystander.

And after several trips, stumbles, curses, and simultaneous death threats, Antonio had finally given me permission to open my eyes. I took a moment to catch my breath before doing so. The bastard had made me climb a buttfuck number of stairs in order to get to this allegedly 'special' location on campus.

I opened my eyes and groaned at the very limited extent of Antonio's romantic creativity. We were on a rooftop and to our right was a glass garden shed. The light from the full moon bounced across the glass panes, unfortunately causing Antonio's eyes to gleam and smirk at me in the darkness.

I turned my head to get a better look. The first thing that caught my eye was the row of potted tomato plants that were placed on the first few shelves. In the center of the shed, there was some sort of lounge, which contained a circle of plush couches, and a wooden coffee table that had no surface space due to the many empty beer bottles and cans that were sprawled on top of it. There were also various shovels, hoses, and bags of soil scattered across the cement floor of the space.

Antonio squeezed my hand. "So…what do you think?"

I shrugged. "What am I supposed to think? There's nothing much to say. It's just a shed."

Antonio moped. "Come on, Lovi! You can at least act a little more excited than that! Gardening is one of my favourite hobbies to do."

My face reddened with disgruntlement. "Oh…shit…sorry. I didn't know." Just to placate the bastard, I playfully bumped shoulders with him. "How come you never told me that?"

"It just never came to mind, I guess."

"What? Were you too busy admiring my ass to think of anything else?" I asked with a cheeky tone. Hey, just because other people glorified my butt, didn't mean that I was excluded from doing it as well.

Antonio's silence wasn't reassuring in the slightest. If it wasn't so dark out, I could have sworn that he was blushing just as red as I was.

The Spaniard was quick to change the topic at hand.

"Come, I'd like to show you something." Antonio swung my hand and lead me towards a bench by the edge of the roof top. It was placed just outside the shed, so that whoever sat in it had a perfect view of the garden beds and cobble-stoned paths below. It was a beautiful place to view the horizon and it was a shame that we hadn't come here at sunset. If the bastard had just said so, I wouldn't have been so stubborn to leave my dorm room in the first place.

We sat down on the bench and Antonio's arm was quick to snake around my waist. I grumbled and let my head fall against his shoulder. The warmth from his body made me feel sleepy. I could already feel my eyelids droop under the heavy weight of fatigue. "You said you wanted me to show me something?" I prompted.

"Oh, that's right~!" Antonio chuckled and raked his free hand through his wind-tussled curls. "I just wanted to show you the view." Well that sure de-escalated quickly.

"How dazzling," I remarked with a smirk. "Tell me, bastard. How is sitting out here supposed to be fun?"

Antonio pursed his lips together in thought. "Well, for one thing, I'm spending time with you, and that's always fun. For me it is at least…"

I pounded a weak fist against Antonio's chest, who gave a giggly oomph in response. "Cut it with the sentimental crap. We both know that your main goal coming out of this is just to get in my pants."

Antonio spluttered and scoffed. "What?! No! That's not true at all! Really! I've always wanted to share this place with someone very special to me. I wouldn't have brought you up here otherwise."

"Okay, bastard. I believe you. No need to get your fucking enchiladas in a twist."

"You know, I can never tell if you're being sarcastic or not," Antonio pouted.

"Hmmm, neither can I," I mused. "So…what makes this place so special to you?"

Antonio's arm around me tightened, and once again, I had very conflicting feelings about how much I liked to be so close to him. "It's a place that doesn't require a lot of thought. It's a great stress reliever, but more than that, it gives me more of an altruistic purpose in life. There's a feeling that's just so satisfying about taking care of something other than yourself. Eheh. I probably sound so weird to you…"

I held up a hand and urged for Antonio continue. I loved to hear him talk, especially when he got comfortable enough to reveal the deeper, intimate secrets about himself. Contrary to what he believed, I actually did enjoy learning about his opinions and unique thought processes. When he was honest like this it was literally impossible to snap at him. He was vulnerable and insecure at first, but if I had my way, I would open up an avenue of communication between the both of us where virtually nothing would be odd for us to talk about.

"Having a hobby you like isn't weird," I reassured. "Unless you sing your tomato plants to sleep every night. Now that's fucking weird."

Antonio feigned surprise, placing a hand over his mouth and mirthfully raising his eyebrows. "Why, Lovi?! How did you know?"

I shrugged. "I have good instincts."

"What do your 'instincts' say about me, eheh?"

"That you're a horny pervert."

The next few minutes were spent bickering, which was more like me making fun of Antonio, and Antonio wailing for mercy against my ruthless jabs at his pride. Our argument ended when a cold wind swept over us, causing me to shiver and hunch in on myself.

"Aw~! Is my little tomato cold?" Antonio cooed. "Don't worry! Boss Antonio is here to warm you right up!" Apparently, I had become the bastard's henchman the moment that I agreed to date his sorry ass.

I didn't have much input over the matter. The bastard got up from the bench, rushed into the storage room of the shed (after all, the well-being of his precious tomato was at stake), and procured a blanket.

"I'm not a fucking tomato, damnit," I muttered to myself.

It wasn't long before he was sitting next to me again, wrapping the knitted, black and white chequered fabric around me in burrito formation. Even worse, the bastard was also included in the burrito. Which would explain why my face was inevitably smushed up against his laughing chest.

Antonio raked a hand through my hair while I growled and fought to sit up. I eventually managed to negotiate more space within the confines of the blanket. I looked up at Antonio and scowled. "I'm about this close to punching you in the balls," I snarled, although most of the spite was taken away when Antonio bent down to peck my lips.

"Hush," Antonio chided. "If you didn't want this, you would have shoved me away by now."

I deadpanned. "I beg to differ. You're currently strangling me with that blanket of yours."

"Tsk! Let's just enjoy the moment, shall we?"

"Fuck, fine."

I mewled like a pissed off kitten and buried my face into his collar bone, embarrassed by the urge I felt to reciprocate his tender affection. Antonio was quick to read the situation, and before I knew it his hands were on my waist, lifting me so that I sat in his lap, straddling him. Our lips crashed against each other and we quickly took up a familiar rhythm of clashing hands, teeth, and moans.

A loud creak echoed from somewhere inside the shed. "The…fuck…was…that…?" I panted in between sucking on Antonio's lower lip. Hmmm. He tasted so sweet, and his kisses were gentle, too gentle even. I teasingly but oh so lightly grinded against his waist, purposefully trying to irk some sort of response out of him. The one time that I wanted him to be a pervert and he just had to go soft on me.

Antonio moaned in pleasure. "I don't…k-know. It's probably nothing. Ay!" he cried out when I nipped at a soft spot on his neck. I smirked and sadistically considered leaving a mark on his collar bone when another bang echoed behind us. Once again, the sound was coming directly from the shed.

"Okay, seriously. What the fuck?!" I wailed. I'll admit, I was spooked. Much to Antonio's dismay, I crawled off his lap and plopped myself down next to him on the bench. The blanket binding us together gracelessly fell to the cement ground of the rooftop, signalling the sinking ship of what had been a very passionate moment.

I crossed my arms and turned around to look back at the shed. The lights weren't on in there, but I could have sworn that I saw the flash of a camera. But then again, I was still seeing stars due to Antonio's expertly-driven tongue.

Antonio shrugged. "Do you want me to see if anyone's in there?"

"Better you than me bastard," I scoffed. "I don't plan on getting murdered any time soon."

Antonio stood up from the bench and shook his head in disbelief. "The things that I'll do for love."

"What was that bastard?!"

"Nothing~!"

Liza's POV:

Whew! That sure was a close one! I didn't anticipate Antonio actually entering the shed. I mean, I did follow him and Lovino all over campus, so surely I knew the risks involved. But, given the fact that I had to drag a very unwilling Roderich along with me, finding a hiding place on such short notice proved to be extremely difficult.

Not to mention the fact that my grump of a boyfriend was still bitching about how the café failed to implement what he liked to refer to as an 'intellectual atmosphere.' Roderich was visiting this week, and since his parents funded my final business project, it was his job to ensure that the café was functioning according to its original purpose. But, if you ask me, the café was doing its job, and quite well at that. It was liberating to encourage differences in opinions and sexualities. Other words to describe it would be inspirational and refreshing. Okay. So maybe it didn't create the grounds for academic discussion. Although, it did facilitate something much more interesting.

As a proper fangirl, I adored anything that had to do with love, and seeing people find their soulmates in the café made all of my hard work to keep it up and running worth it. Besides, I kicked my rival's ass when it came to running a business. Vlad's lame Maiden and Vampire Café couldn't even be compared to my shipping galore of an establishment. Tch. I hated that Romanian with a burning passion. Just the thought of him made my hands twitch, and when they twitched, a swinging of a certain handy-dandy pan typically followed. Unfortunately, pans weren't very helpful when it came to conducting stealth missions.

Anyways, Roderich was currently pouting right now. While an oblivious Antonio grabbed a blanket from another storage closet, I had been left with little choice but to stuff my boyfriend and I in a nearby tools closet. Roderich huffed and whined, as per usual. Given the small space of our hiding place, we had to hunch over, which, of course, incited a whole new string of complaints on his part. I had placated the grump by promising to give him a back rub after our spy mission had been completed.

The door of the shed swung shut, and with a groan and a high-strung whine, Roderich and I piled out of the tools closet. Thankfully, dozens of wooden shelves obscured us from plain view, as tragically enough, the shed was made of pure glass. It made for very poor concealing material.

When I was sure that it was safe to look, I surged forward and hooked a foot on top of a shelf containing potted habanero plants. I struggled and grunted to get a good footing so that I could poke my head above and sneak a peek at the snuggling couple outside. Roderich was offering no help whatsoever while I clung off the shelves, swaying like a badass monkey ninja. All I wanted to do was conduct my yaoi surveillance in peace, god damnit!

"A little help here, Roddy," I grunted, making sure to place a bit of venom into my voice. I turned my head, causing my long honey brown curls to dangle over my shoulders and down my back. Roderich was still too busy straightening out the crinkles in his purple dress shirt. I let out a loathsome sigh when he pulled out a handkerchief from his front pocket, bending over to wipe at the soil that had been smudged onto the pointed tips of his black dress shoes.

Ugh! That outfit though. I mean, seriously. Purple?! Who wears purple on a surveillance mission! And don't even get me started on his shoes! He clacked around like nobody's business, and if he wasn't careful, we were both going to get caught. I had half the mind to scoop him up into my arms and carry him around. But, for the sake of his pride, I decided to let Roderich walk on his own two feet, no matter how slow and out of breath he was while doing so.

You see, Roderich was a delicate little snowflake who needed lots of pampering and love. Right now, he was just upset that I wasn't giving him my full attention. It wasn't very often that he came back from his various music tours around Europe, so when he did come to visit, he expected us to spend all our time together. Hence, the reason why I had dragged him here on this mission in the first place.

Roderich straightened his back. A pair of unamused lavender eyes set their sights on my struggling figure. "Elizabeta," he tutted in a drawling, and obviously bored tone of voice. The only help that my boo thang provided me was the light from his cell phone.

"Get down from there. You're going to hurt yourself."

I grit my teeth. "Not until I get a picture of them first." I reached into my jean pocket with my left hand, while using my right hand to hold up my suspended weight. After an immense amount of struggle, I raised my phone, zoomed in, and took a shaky photo of the coddling couple. It was a pity that Lovino always frowned in the photos that I took of him. What also sucked balls was the fact that his and Antonio's backs were turned to the camera. All I had managed to capture was their side profiles.

Roderich sighed and shook his head. "Honestly, woman. This obsession you have with gay love is really starting to concern me."

I giggled and hopped down from the shelf. I sashayed over to Roderich, making sure to swing my hips while doing so. The all black clothing, and tightly fitted t-shirt and leggings hugged my curves in all the right ways. Roderich blushed and nervously pushed up his glasses on the bridge of his nose. The moon light provided at least some line of vision for us to see. I silently admired the way that the light carved shadows on his otherwise pale skin. His ebony hair was well-kept and slicked away from his face, save for that one unruly piece of hair near his hairline that always stuck out of place for whatever reason.

"Oh, so now you're concerned about me?" I purred, raising a hand to cup his heated cheek. "Silly boy, are you jealous? You know that my love for you will always come first." I looked at Roderich with greedy eyes. I focused particularly on his butt. It was practically screaming at me to grope it. The mighty fineness of Roderich's butt was the one thing that Gilbert, my idiot best friend, and I actually came to an agreement on. I've had to whack that flamboyant albino upside the head many times over because of his pervasive booty obsession. Hahaha. Silly, delusional Gilbert. Roderich was mine. I was Roderich's happy place. Hahaha…I just might kill him one day…haha…

Roderich leaned into my touch. "You got your picture, now let's go. Unlike you, I don't get pleasure out of impeding on other people's privacy," he grumbled half-heartedly.

I dropped my hand from his face and made sure to stick out my chest. After all, a proper business woman had to be well adept in selling her merchandise. I expertly batted my lashes in pleading. "Just a few more minutes?" Roderich made a point to avoid my puppy dog eyes, but it wasn't long before he had succumbed to my erotic boob power. "Pleassssssse?"

Roderich huffed in defeat. Aw, how submissive~! I've trained him well!

"You have five minutes," he affirmed in his 'I'm tired of your shit, Elizabeta' voice. I opened my mouth to squeal but stopped short when the back door to the shed slammed open. Roderich and I froze. I dove behind a shelf. Unfortunately, Roderich wasn't as quick on his feet. The poor guy had tripped over a bag of soil and subsequently faceplanted on the ground. I erratically motioned at a snivelling and dare I say useless Roderich to get up, but it was already far too late.

"You have to be more quiet, Feliciano!" A familiar voice hissed. "You're drawing too much attention!"

"Ve, Luddy! You're so smart!" Feliciano, who obviously hadn't learned his lesson, shouted at full volume. Two other phones were used to brighten the darkness of the shed.

I poked my head around the shelf that I had hidden behind and gasped. "Feli? What are you doing here?!" Standing before me were two of my most trusted employees, Feliciano Vargas, and Ludwig Beilschmidt. Feli was still wearing his neon pink waiter's apron, and Ludwig had splotches of flour on his face to match the handprints on the back of his black cooking apron. I licked my lips. How very delicious.

Feliciano grinned. "We wanted to know why you guys left the café so abruptly, ve," he shrugged. "It wasn't busy, so I thought: what's the harm?"

"Ja," Ludwig agreed. "It was a bit suspicious for you to leave without any explanation."

Feliciano cut in before I had a chance to say anything. "Don't worry! Alfred and Matthew stayed back to serve the rest of the customers." I nodded my head in approval.

Feliciano looked down, noticing Roderich's sprawled over figure for the first time. "What happened to him?"

I hummed in dismissal. "He tripped and fell, so basically nothing new."

Roderich scoffed as Ludwig helped him to his feet. "I feel so loved," he said with a thick amount of sarcasm, routinely brushing off the non-existent dirt from his pant leg. Bad habits were hard to break, I suppose.

I ignored Roderich and walked over to Feli, placing both hands onto his shoulders. "Feli, I'm going to tell you something really exciting, but you have to promise me that you're not going to scream."

Feliciano's head bobbed up and down faster than Roderich's ever crippling dignity. "Ve, okay!"

I carefully cocked my head to the right. "Your brother's out there on a date with Antonio."

Feliciano's eyes widened and I clamped a hand over his mouth in the nick of time. It took a while for him to calm down, but when he did, an impish grin tugged on the corners of his lips. "Did you get any pictures?" he whispered, surprising me a little. I've never seen Feliciano so focused and determined before. Heck, his eyes were even open! That was something that rarely ever happened.

I pulled out my phone and grinned right back at him. "But of course~!"

Roderich and Ludwig groaned, taking solace in the fact that they were the only 'sane' people in the shed. But no matter, Feliciano and I's fangirling coalition easily overpowered their stick-in-the-mud, party pooper brigade.

…

"Ve, Liza? Did you get a picture of them cuddling together?!"

"You bet I did, Feli!"

*Cackling laughter and a random, unexpected shout of PASTAAAAAA!*

…

"Ludwig?"

"Ja?"

"I'm relying on you to drag my dead body away from this fangirl war zone."

"Only if you'll do the same for me."

A mutual look of understanding was exchanged between the newfound Austrian and German allies.

"Fair enough."

…

Oh my, were things ever getting steamy! Right now, Feliciano and I had our elbows propped up onto the top gardening shelf. Ludwig and Roderich, despite their incessant groaning, stood below us just in case we fell. I licked the drool from the corner of my lips and inched in closer, Feliciano doing the same. From what we could see, Antonio and Lovino were cuddling like snug little love muffins under a single blanket. My breathing became heavy and laboured when Antonio initiated a kiss.

My free hand automatically went to my front jean pocket, but alas, my phone was no longer there. Both Roderich and Ludwig had confiscated Feliciano and I's phones. Apparently, privacy outweighed the documentation of love.

It didn't help that I had been facetiming with Mei earlier. The poor girl was stuck back in her dorm room, studying with Kiku for their upcoming chemistry midterm. Kiku fangirled just as much as the rest of us, but school always came first for him, and since Mei was his girlfriend, he had taken it upon himself to 'fix' her poor study habits. I bowed my head in mourning. Without my phone, I had failed my fellow fangirl and best friend. Mei would never get to see how this date turned out. It was quite a tragedy, really.

Feliciano's breath hitched. He then shifted and squirmed to better adjust his position. "Liza! Liza!" he trilled. "Look!"

Ludwig grumbled yet another sarcastic comment under his breath. "If only he put this much focus into his school work."

"At least your significant other gives you the light of day," Roderich muttered. I made a silent mental note to myself: 'grope Roderich's pretentious butt when you get home.'

I peered forward and instantaneously felt a familiar pressure build up in my sinuses. Any second now and I would get a nosebleed. Or even worse, faint. Lovino had climbed onto Antonio's lap; the both of them were now engaged in an intense make-out session. HOT! HOT! HOT!

Feliciano cocked his head to the side in amazement. "Ve! Nonno taught us that trick!"

"What trick?" I asked with furrowed, yet ever concentrated brows.

A sly grin crept onto Feliciano's otherwise innocent face. "The one where you roll your tongue along your lover's lower lip."

Since my back was turned to him, I didn't see Ludwig's face flush to a ripe ole shade of 'hot and bothered red.'

My body quaked with the uncontrollable tremors of a fangasm. Hardly anything coherent came out of my mouth. "Hnnnngggggh," I grunted. The room caved in and I could have sworn that I saw a bearded man hovering over me, waggling his index finger in scorn. I blinked and the bearded man, who oddly had a Texan accent for some reason, was replaced with a floating pan. Feliciano's squeal of delight brought me back from my yaoi-induced acid trip.

Roderich raised a brow in worry when my body swayed to the side. It wasn't uncommon for me to faint due to over excitement. Especially when that over excitement had to do with the tantalizing fruit of gay love.

Surprisingly, I was the one to hold up the longest as Feliciano fell backwards and into a surprised Ludwig's arms.

All was swell until Ludwig stumbled backwards into another wooden shelf, knocking over several potted tomato plants in the process. The sound was too loud for it to go unnoticed by the snogging couple outside. Silent alarm bells went off in my head.

I quickly hopped down from my perched position and every one exchanged worried looks. Ludwig helped Feliciano to his feet, while Roderich erratically motioned for everyone to be quiet. My heart was beating so hard that it roared in my ears. Despite my physiological arousal, I was still able to hear the grumpy grumblings of Lovino, followed by the resumption of soft moans and kissing noises.

I giggled and used the back of my hand to wipe off some sweat from my upper brow. "We really came close there, didn't we?"

Feliciano giggled in reciprocation only to stop and solemnly nodded his head when Ludwig aimed a sharp glare in his direction. We almost got caught, after all.

"It's getting late, Feli. We should go home, ja?"

Feliciano pouted. "Ve, okay," he whimpered.

Roderich crossed his arms and twitched his lips at me in scorn. I suddenly felt the immense, shit-disturbing urge to poke at his mouth mole. Sigh. Such is the life of a fangirl. "We shall also be heading home, isn't that right now, Elizabeta?"

"Inconsiderate, anti-shipping, butthead," I childishly murmured under my breath.

Roderich's face flushed with anger. Before he could say anything, however, a large clapping sound, something similar to the amplified intensity of thunder, echoed across the shed.

"Hello friends~! I am so glad that I ran into you! What a nice surprise, da?" The beaming, round face of Ivan Braginski ominously popped out of… literally nowhere (?). The Russian was one with the darkness, apparently.

My hands weren't fast enough to stop Roderich from letting out a frilly, high-pitched scream. The doofus was very easily scared.

Everyone except for Ivan, who was completely oblivious to the gravity of the situation, dove for cover. Roderich and I hopped into the tools closet, and Ludwig and Feliciano sprinted around the corner to hide behind a row of potted sunflower plants. Oh… that would explain why Ivan was here.

I pulled the door to the tools closet shut, only to open it again when Ivan giggled, and very loudly at that. "Are we playing hide and seek now? Does that mean I'm it? You guys are so rude, tehe~! You didn't even bother to tell me!"

I bravely established direct eye contact with Ivan and wildly gestured for him to climb into the tools closet with us. "Ivan!" I hissed. "You need to hide." I froze at the sound of approaching footsteps. "Like, right now!"

"Did you hear that, bastard?"

"Si, it sounded like a girl screaming."

Roderich huffed to himself in 'his' corner of the tools shed. "I most certainly do not sound like a girl."

"That's not the most pressing matter right now!" I snapped at Roderich, who did indeed sound very much like a girl, even more so than me to be brutally honest. The Austrian still nonetheless shrunk at the sharp tone of my voice.

I then turned back to Ivan and had to stifle the urge to facepalm. The Russian was currently counting down from 100, preparing for our alleged game of hide and seek.

"Ivan!" I whispered again.

Ivan uncovered two gloved hands from his face. "Silly girl, Elizabeta! You're not supposed to tell me where you're hiding! I'm supposed to find you!"

I had no choice but to play along with Ivan's falsely misinformed game. "Okay, how about I be it then instead?" I stepped out of the tools closet despite Roderich's whiny symphony of protests.

"Go on," I smiled and cooed to him in a soft voice. "You hide and I'll count."

Ivan's lilac eyes widened with child-like wonder, and I kid you not, he just about scampered around the corner, his long, white scarf trailing behind him. It was almost funny to watch a giant like himself be reduced to actions similar to that of a toddler. The terrified scream from Feliciano on the other end of the shed told me that Ivan was safe from view. That Russian was one creepy fella, all right.

"Is anyone there?" Antonio's voice echoed from just outside the shed's door.

I froze in place, but thankfully Roderich was useful enough to drag me back into our hiding place.

The shed door creaked open, causing rays of moonlight to streak across the room.

"D-do you see anything?" Lovino's voice wavered with uncertainty.

A moment of silence passed. I filled in the gaps and assumed that Antonio had shaken his head in response to my favourite tsundere's question.

"O-oh…g-good."

"So…" Antonio purred seductively. "Where were we?"

The door to the shed closed shut.

The rest of the couple's conversation was muffled from there on in.

It wasn't long before everyone piled out of their respective hiding places. Feliciano was currently seeking refugee under Ludwig's arm. Ivan had always scared the little guy.

Speaking of Ivan, the Russian was now tending to his 'precious' sunflowers, sniffing the yellow florae as if they were crack cocaine. Our game of hide and seek had long been forgotten.

Roderich clicked his tongue to get my attention. "Happy now?"

I turned to my boo thang with a predatory grin on my face. I then reached out to grope/ squeeze Roderich's butt, causing him to splutter and blush in embarrassment. Hmmm. It wasn't firm enough. I'd have to do some more moulding later tonight…

"Are you kidding me?" I cackled like a true mad woman. "I had a blast!"

To be continued….

*coughs* (Subtle reference to the Fault in Your Idiocy is subtle)

Not sure when I'm going to be updating next... My brother called me a 'Goldfish author' because I keep starting new stories and leaving others unfinished. I get bored easily, okay?! I'll work on the stories that entertain me the most, damnit!

Until next time (whenever that is lmao)

Best regards,

-Ella