Chapter Thirty-Eight
Shouyou wishes that he wouldn't have to stop, but empty pants and a racing mind turn his feet into iron, shackles of his humanity that are as inescapable as the setting sun. Letting his back press into the chilled wood of Sato's door gives him a pathetic amount of comfort, the iciness forces the blackness clouding his vision back until he can catches glimpses of tiles and the wooden planks that make up the floor. He needs to be warm and to see red, but his legs refuse to budge from where they're pinned to the floor. Terror creeps into his lungs and screams are forced out before he can stop them, long past the point where tears blur what's left of his eyesight. He needs ensnaring gold, something to drag him away from blackness that flashes, the kind made into rings and just for him.
"Kenma-" He gasps into the empty apartment, where he resides alone, drags the boy's name out with a groan because his protector is too far away to comfort him. The distance to the couch, the one stained crimson and ivory with Kanji spelling out his protector's name, is a slight distance but seems too extensive a distance for him to cover. His phone, even farther away from the unreachable shield, is stuck in the club room. Kenma's voice is trapped in between two folds of Daichi's shirt and couldn't be sought after until he had something.
All at once he decides that attempting to find solace in Yachi, because she shared something with his protector, had been the worst idea of his entire life. Worse than saying Yes, worse than losing, worse than belonging to us, because he would always belong to Kenma. Kenma who had golden hair and eyes, who smelled like a garden, and Shouyou had betrayed the only person who he could love without it hurting. Until it did. It hurt because he had tried to replace someone too perfect and now he was paying the price.
His toll is paid and Shouyou finds something red that drags across with sticky warmth that reminds him all too much of his travels to Tokyo, to Kenma. Teeth sink into the skin of his arm and he pulls until the flesh follows, warmth skims across his arms and falls onto his bare legs, it feels like sunlight and burns like a rising sun. He rubs it over every fiber of his exposed skin until scarlet heat covers him like Kenma would; the sharp scent of his armor is nauseating and dulls the pain in his arms until everything seeps from his brain until nothing but love is left.
Shouyou is pulled from his crimson haze by a phantom grip on his skin, "Kenma..." He gasps, but the older boy says nothing, just wipes impossible warmth across his skin until Shouyou is certain he'll feel nothing but ice without that touch. "Kenma." He mumbles, feeling the need to solidify the memory with the words of his protector. "Shouyou..." Gasped into his ear, like Kenma is just as relieved to see him as he is to see the older boy. "You're bleeding." The dark haired boy feels himself melt at the words, recalling them from the moment he had hurt himself in numbing pleasure. "Sorry." He offers like he had done before, "Can you set to me today?" Laughs because Kenma would be giving him a glare if it wasn't so dark.
"Shoyou..." The hands bite into his skin and his head starts tilting back, he wonders when his muscles had gotten so weak. Ramen scented couch cushions press into his nose, Kenma disappears, can feel the presence of his protector disappear as much as he can hear the older boy walking away. "I'm sorry!" He wails into cotton, but Kenma doesn't return a moment before he is ready. The hands of his protector are wetter than he remembers, but also warmer.
"Hey, Kenma?" Shouyou asks, feeling a smile curve his lips favorably.
"Don't speak..." The middle blocker thought that was weird, odd even, Kenma was usually much more direct when he wanted him to stop talking. He nods regardless, lets his head sink into further into the muteness that Kenma is offering. It's hard not to speak when his protector is this close, wonders how the older boy even found out where he lives when he hasn't told a soul. Somehow, the terrifying thought of living alone isn't so bad, because it's just him and Kenma alone, for now at least. A small eternity that allows him to fall asleep without feeling the dark or the burning in his throat.
Kenma isn't holding him when he wakes up, he feels only the sinking cushions that imitate the cocoon his protector provides. It's warm enough to make his toes sweaty, not so much to make his heart beat erratically. "Kenma?" He croaks, swallows down whatever was lodged around his voice and tried again, loud enough for Shouyou to hear the uncertainty in his own voice. The middle blocker stands when the time waiting for a reply becomes indefinite, the actions causes red to flutter off of his skin, he watches Kenma's jacket turn into a scarlet puddle and settles for staring at the garment for a moment. Takes in Kozume Kenma #5 and finds himself smiling stupidly while he bends forward to pull the the treasure from the ground.
Shouyou sees red, and a lot of white that doesn't match his extended fingers; the middle blocker takes in the sight of his arms with a disturbed fascination, curving indentations with only a few crooked points. His teeth had caused this, he's not sure what he remembers, too blind in Kenma's embrace to remember anything before that. The last of the paper towels fall onto the floor in an ivory heap, taking in the sight of his own mutilation is making it hard to breathe. The pain is dull and throbbing when he knows it should be burning, it aches in red and white; Shouyou thinks of the jacket in his fingers, also red and white, also belonging to Kenma in the same way.
"Kenma?" He asks as loudly as he can without making it possible for the neighbors to hear him. There's not shift in the apartment, just still air that smells like iron and threatens to overwhelm his heightened senses. Waiting a moment brings him no answers, a few minutes pass and the only thing Shouyou hears is the zipper on Kenma's jacket as he pulls it on. The moment won't last long, where he's alone with his armor and allows himself to soak in scarlet; if he thinks hard enough, he can feel the outlines of Kenma's name on his back, ivory ripping into his skin like phantom scars. The sensation is different than any he has felt before, the complete opposite of how Kuroo's mine feels on his stomach.
The icy burn returns as he thinks about the Nekoma captain, flares against Kenma's warmth in a way that makes him feel sick. He shouldn't have to share himself with anybody that he doesn't want to, but his deal is forbidding him from doing so, a second protector who's armor hurts instead of comforts. Shouyou pulls his medication and the picture of Natsu out of his bag, lets himself stare into the depths of Natsu's grey-blue eyes while drowning in oceans of orange and white. The pills are odd, like a missed day has taken the familiarity out of the action; he finds himself needed water to wash down the chalkiness and the grogginess of the morning. The middle blocker ends up scooping water from the kitchen sink with his hands and uses it to dampen his throat and wash his face, with a sigh he stares at the empty paper towel roll and wonders how upset Sato will be with the smell of blood on her sofa.
Breakfast remains a mystery, Shouyou leaves the house with trembling, empty hands and a stomach filled with water and pills. The door remains unlocked and he gives the house a small prayer that nobody chooses today to be a jerk before walking towards the stairs, only to be forced still by another door opening and a call of his name. "Kiyoko-san." He offers in return, only feeling slightly paranoid that she had shown up as soon as he passed her door. "Good morning." He offers, she stares at him with her teeth pressed into her lip. "Good morning." She echoes, sounding as confused as he does. They end up walking to the bus stop silently and Shouyou starts feeling unhinged when Kiyoko decides to spend the entire walk a step behind him, her too blue gaze keeping him on the path towards school.
They share a seat, as they always do, and Kiyoko pulls out her big book on French while he sits quietly, thinking about the red and white covering his arms. Kenma's jacket is still wrapped around his body and he wishes that he didn't feel so bad wearing it in public for the first time on a bus full of strangers and his pensive manager. The bus pulls to a stop and Shouyou is surprised at how much time his guilt had forced into blankness. Kiyoko leads him off the bus, French book draped over his shoulder along with his arm, the contact is weird but can't ask her to remove it when he notices her facial expression. The dark hair girl leads him all the way to school without a word and with no distractions, they stop outside of the school gates and Kiyoko twists his shoulder until he's forced to look into the rippling ocean hidden behind gleaming lenses.
"Shouyou, I need to tell you something." The middle blocker expects the worst instantly, reminders of how dangerous Kiyoko-san was filtering in his too numb brain. "What is it?" He asks, silently cursing the nervous trembling in his voice and hands. The team manager lets out an ancient sigh, one that doesn't feel appropriate for how young they both are. "Kenma..." He feels his shoulders perk up at the name, and he takes in the look on her face, like bad news solidified. "There was no Kenma last night, Shouyou."
The middle blocker stares until his eyes burn with the words forced into his stomach, "Why- What would you know?" He hisses in response, glaring at her and silently wishing she would just leave. "You were calling his name while I was cleaning blood off of you." Shouyou gapes, staring hard at the manager and looking for a sign of a lie. "You mean-?" He's not even sure what he means, the kanji ghosting over his shoulder blades seems cold suddenly as her words start to sink in. "Yachi called me yesterday, freaking out because she scared you with her camera." Shouyou remembers that part, the flashes that stole the joy of spiking along with fragments of something else. He urges her on silently, and she lets out another sigh, he can feel the sorrow in her ghosting breath. "I was already home, and the screams..." Her fingers, narrow and trembling, move up to cover her lips as she continues to speak, "You r-ripped your skin open... Rubbing blood across your skin. I-" Shouyou grimaces as Kiyoko swallows down more than saliva. She pauses, and her too blue eyes catch on his. "You kept calling his name."
Shouyou nods, he remembers that part very clearly, feels both mortified and thankful that it hadn't actually been Kenma that had found him like that. "You can't tell anyone." The words feel disgusting coming out his mouth, but he knows that if anyone knows he'll be questioned and found out. Shouyou hated lying more than anything, more than secrets and deals. "What am I supposed to say, Shouyou, we just walk in there and say nothing?" Shouyou doesn't expect that tone from Kiyoko, sarcasm and fear wrapped into something he can't name but is still scared of. Shouyou, for once, would just like to say yes; he tugs at his own hair, feeling too frustrated to find a solution. "Let alone the fact that you're wearing that jacket, and you look like you haven't slept in months." The answer was more likely weeks, the last time he had actually seen Kenma and allowed himself to belong to someone else. Kiyoko's face morphs into disgust, like she can hear what he is thinking and doesn't approve.
"Just pretend you didn't see anything, I can go to Daichi's and..." The manager sighs for an impressive amount of time, but nods anyway, looking like she'd rather cut her head off rather than consent to this plan. "Listen to me, you can go to Daichi's, you tell him something and I'll tell Yachi so she'll stop texting me." As if on cue, the plastic in the girl's hand chimes loudly. "You're going to have him look at those." She nods to herself, and Shouyou can't find it in himself to respond with more than a nod in return, because he's never seen this person before, collected yet frantic. Kiyoko in charge. It seems to fit her more than being shy, but he suspects there's a reason why she's like that, he hopes it's not the same reason he decided to bite himself until he bleed all over Sato's floor and sofa.
The middle blocker runs to Daichi's house, there's still time before the older boy returns home for a shower and Shouyou lets himself in through the window, which is still exhilarating despite the circumstances. The dark haired boy works his way into the kitchen, almost screams when he finds another person standing where he was certain the rice cooker was. "Uh-" He mumbles and the person turns to face him, blinks and raises a mug in greeting. "Just Shouyou, I presume?" A gruff voice calls, not matching the weird half smile that he's offered. The boy in question nods, feeling awkward at being unaware and uninformed. The older man raises dark eyebrows in question but Shouyou remains silent as he moves forward.
"Sawamura Masao."
Shouyou blinks, then nods rapidly. "Daichi's dad!" He squeaks, feeling embarrassed for not catching the clues earlier. "Damn straight." Shouyou pauses, not really sure what to make of that. At all. He doesn't know a lot about either of Daichi's parents, just that they work in the city sometimes, and now he knows that Daichi's dad makes him uncomfortable for some reason. He decides to leave it at the fact that the older man caught him breaking into his son's bedroom. "Y'know, I was pretty sure Dacihi said you had red hair." Shouyou cringes, but morphs it quickly into a smile as he pulls bentos from a shelf just low enough for him to reach. "Boy told Honoka that you were the best damn cook he's ever met." He just assumes Honoka is Daichi's mother, since Masao says nothing more on the subject. "Made his momma cry, and said she'd meet the girl who stole her baby's heart." Shouyou bites into his lip to avoid saying anything, because he would regret saying anything right now. Did Daichi call me a girl?
The middle blocker takes his eyes off of Masao, very intent on not embarrassing himself in front of Daichi's parents lest he gets kicked out of home a second time in one school year. If Daichi's dad notices that the name on his back isn't his, he doesn't make it obvious, even if the dark haired boy can feel the older man's eyes watching his every move. For all he knows, Daichi's dad might not be able to read Kanji, even if he could to Masao it was just a name. Not a promise and not love.
"Can I ask you somethin'?" Masuo asks when he starts washing celery, Shouyou glances at the older man for a second, getting a read on the situation before yes is even thought. The man looks worried, but not life-or-death worried, Shouyou nods over his shoulder, "Only if I can you something." He catches a crooked grin and directs his attention back to the green between his fingers. "You reckon my boy's one of them types?" Shouyou ponders every other word in that sentence, ignoring the reaction he has to my. The middle blocker is pretty sure he's never reckoned anything, but he's more concerned about them types to ponder the man's word choice. "No?" He offers because yes would mean too much.
"I mean, I love'em to death, but I dunno if I can handle one of them under my roof." Shouyou nods with fake understanding, "He's definitely not one of those types, my captain is a good guy." He's not really sure why he feels the need to compliment Daichi when the older boy probably won't hear anything about this conversation. "What's yer question, boy?" Shouyou gives the man an easy smile, "What was that meat in your fridge?" He gestures to it with the knife in his hand and Masuo's eyes follow the pointed end and then his face breaks into a whiskered smile. "That's duck, boy. Reckon they don't got that where you're from?" Shouyou is pretty sure he's seen a duck before, just never felt the need to murder one of the cutest animals in existence; he's also pretty sure that they live in the same area, sometimes the same house, but just smiles and nods in agreement while making strips of duck. He's tries to ignore the way the meat quacks instead of squelches but finds himself frowning at the sizzling pan of duck.
We'll have to stop calling him goat killer. He's not sure how Suga will react to the change, but he hopes that the older boy will find some distraction with the new information. Four bentos are made, all with broken quacks and dreams, Shouyou isn't really sure why he's overreacting, or if he's supposed to be feeling this betrayed. "Thank you." He offers, and nothing more when he hands Masuo two of the boxes. "S'nothing, boy, my ol' man kicked me out when I was twelve, been livin' with anyone else since then." Shouyou is pretty sure that he's supposed to express sympathy, but something in Masuo's demeanor leaves him silent. "I reckon you'll meet a girl one these days, just don't knock her up like I did." The middle blocker isn't really sure what's funny about any of that, not really sure what knocking someone means besides punching them in the face, and he would never punch a girl in the face. Unless Kageyama was a girl.
Daichi's arrival marks the end of his conversation with Masuo, the older boy stares at him for a moment in shock before disappearing into the bathroom. His captain returns with the same shocked expression, but with water replacing the dripping on his face. "Duck killer." He coughs when the older boy gets close enough, Daichi blanches, and then his lips curve into a weird half grimace. "I take it that you met my dad, then?" The middle blocker nods, feeling relieved that the conversation is over but also glad that it happened. "He asked me if you were one of those types." He admits with a shrug, offering Daichi the other two boxes along with canned coffee from the fridge, a different brand than the one that they had bought with Suga-san.
"One of what types?" Shouyou shrugs again, "Didn't say." Daichi nods with furrowed brows and a mouthful of coffee, Shouyou helps himself to one as well, feeling a little worn out from everything. "Daichi?" He asks around the curve of tin pressed against his lips. The older boy looks down at him, scans him for a moment before frowning. "Everything alright?" Shouyou almost laughs, because despite everything but not alright, he feels pretty alright. He thinks that might be the coffee talking, or the drugs, or being in the company of someone not the too knowing Kiyoko or the inquisitive Masuo. "I need- Can you do something for me?" The older boy's frown worsens, but he nods slowly. "There's not a lot I wouldn't do for a teammate, especially one that makes me lunch. Speaking of which, where is yours?" The smaller boy shrugs, knows that he'll be almost hungry when lunch arrives, but decides the effort to turn the stove back on is not a price he's willing to pay. "I need you to, um-" With a sigh, he tugs on scarlet sleeves to show crimson indentations.
Guilt stabs into him when he hears Daichi's breath hitch, feels his arms start to burn when his captain latches onto his wrists, only just avoiding one of the many curving lines. With a glance around the kitchen, Daichi leans closer and seethes, "What the fuck, Shouyou?" The younger boy looks down, past the now set scars and to the ground between Daichi's toes. "Who did this?" He thinks it's nice that Daichi assumes he's not crazy, at least until Shouyou decides to explain that he did this to himself. It would be easy, he thinks, to blame it on Grand King possessing , to blame Kuroo's knife, but Daichi is his friend, and he deserves the truth, and telling him anything but would complicate everything even further beyond his control. Shouyou lets out a sigh, then quietly explains that the who was him. The middle blocker is left with only his imagination to sense Daichi's facial expressions, he imagines anger beyond everything he's ever witnessed, but disgust seems more likely, and that scares him more.
"Can you cover them?" Daichi growls when he speaks and Shouyou lets his lips fall together while the older boy figures everything out. "Why?" It seems like a stupid question, he knows that answer will be even worse. I wanted to see Kenma. "I was scared." It was explanation enough for how his scars came to be, always out of fear. The older boy sighs and Shouyou wants to reaches out for him, but he knows that his captain will help him with this, that the older boy will need a little time to catch up.
"Shouyou?" The middle blocker looks up into dark eyes and offers his arms again, lets himself take a long look at them as Daichi rubs a too cold liquid across his offered appendages. "Disinfectant." The older boy explains even though Shouyou didn't ask. The middle blocker nods, hopes that the tinging that he is experiencing is supposed to happen; the bandages come out of Daichi's special box, cover glossy scarlet curves and the majority of his forearms.
"Shouyou- I."
"Daichi- I."
He thinks they should laugh for talking at the same time, but the interruption forces him into silence while Daichi speaks in his place. "Shouyou, I think you should talk to someone." The smaller boy nods, as much as he hated to think about it, he would have to explain why everything. He just hopes that Kenma doesn't get mad at him, that the older boy won't reject him because of this mistake. "I can't help everything, I'm not a professional..." Professional? His mind reels with the word, thinks briefly about what Daichi must be seeing then realizes that he'd rather not. "I'll talk to someone." Just not a professional. The smaller boy rejects the idea of telling Aki about his feelings towards her son, because while they were returned, he's not sure what she or Haruo will think because they're family. It's harder to breathe thinking that he'll have to return his armor along with his key if they responded unfavorable, that their love had been conditional because Kenma loved him.
"For what it matters," Daichi starts while the bandages are tied off. "I don't think... I mean you-" His captain growls into a sigh, and gives him a hard look. "You love Kozume, right?" Shouyou blinks, "Kenma." He corrects, to which the older boy just rolls his eyes. "That doesn't answer the question." Shouoyu is pretty sure that wearing Kenma's volleyball jacket is clear enough a message that he loves Kenma, but he nods in confirmation for Daichi's sake. "More than anything." He laments, Daichi's lips twitch.
"More than me?" The question takes him by surprise and the younger boy almost nods. "I think it's different." He admits, but Daichi looks more amused by his reaction than his explanation, "How so?" Shouyou shrugs, "Do you love me?" Shouyou watches as the older boy's cheeks turn almost pink but there's a nod, "How so?" He jests, pulling out the older boy's tone as his own. "Like a teammate, but something more? Almost like a brother, but different than that too." Daichi continues to ramble on what it is and isn't like, but Shouyou thinks he gets the message. It should bother him more, that three captains love him, all in strange, sometimes violent, ways. Knows that Daichi will never call him mine, or hurt anyone because Daichi knew something the others didn't.
He loves Kenma.
Daichi doesn't ask about anything red, just tugs on his shoulders with an arm full of dead duck. "We might be a little late to practice, but Suga says he's ready to practice." The last part sound almost sad, like Daichi isn't ready while Suga-san is. "He'll do awesome, if you weren't already in business class I'd tell you to go be a doctor." Daichi laughs, and Shouyou feels a little less guilty for using the last of Daichi's bandages. "It's not too late to change, Shouyou." The smaller boy shrugs, embraces the warmth from Daichi's arm as he does. "Torono town needs a bike shop, and you're the only one who can do it." His captain gives him a skeptical look, but there's another laugh that follows. "Is that a hint for your Christmas present?" The older boy asks, sounding serious all of a sudden.
Shouyou's heart tightens at the words, had completely forgotten that holidays still went on without a family, he works a smile onto his face and offers it to Daichi. "Was it that obvious?" He laughs meekly, and the hand on his shoulder tightens like Daichi can see through him. "Do you want to go back?" Shouyou wishes he could dismiss the too serious topic, but finds all of his thoughts returning to it. "I don't miss them." He admits quietly, dragging teeth along a too loose lip. "I thought I would and I know I should, I just don't." Daichi is frowning when he looks up from the concrete. "Does that make me a bad person?" He asks honestly and Daichi just shrugs.
"I dunno, it would be hard to trust them at first, and things wouldn't go back to normal, but you might find something. You said you had a sister, right?" He nods, feels her name itching against his tongue, wanting to share stupid stories about her milk drinking habits or her obsession with cartoons. The middle blocker keeps those things to himself, because those are family matters, even if he's no longer part of that one. "Do you have any siblings?" Daichi snorts loudly. "I wish I didn't." There's a laugh that isn't bitter and Shouyou shares his own. "My dad was a very... busy man." The middle blocker nods, not sure if he's happy to know something new about Daichi or uncomfortable at the wording. "Is that what knocking up means?" He asks but Daichi's hand clamps around his shoulder before he can finish talking. "Don't be crude." He sends a silent curse at Masuo for setting him up. "Sorry." He mumbles and Daichi's hand relents.
"Two sisters." His captain offers, along with a picture from his wallet. They all share Daichi's eyes and hair with differences in height and weight, but Daichi is shorter than both the girls. Shouyou laughs quietly at the fact and lets himself get smacked on the shoulder because Daichi was the shortest. The older boy glares down at him, Shouyou hands back the wallet with a stretched smile and the walk to school seems a little less daunting. Suga-san joins them after Daichi insists on purchasing lunch for him, Shouyou isn't really sure if having two cans of coffee is healthy, but his captain is very insistent that he'll be fine. The middle blocker is pretty sure that his captain is a liar, but lets it slide because it's not like he had made his own lunch.
"So?" Suga-san prompts with little preamble, the noise draws Shouyou out of his thoughts, all of them Kenma related one way or another. "So?" Daichi echoes, giving his vice captain a flat look that Shouyou thinks is more endearing than anything else. "Did you tell him?" The setter drawls, offering him a smile from around Daichi's chest. Shouyou smiles back, tries not to let his eyes settle on the taller boy's stomach where there's too much agony that doesn't belong to him. "About what?" He chirps, butting his hip against Daichi's making the older boy stumble in his step. With a glare, one meant as a glare but still also nice, "The training camp." Shouyou nods, "Are you excited, Suga-san?" He asks around his now limping captain, the older boy shrugs, "It'll be nice to play against stronger teams, show them what Karasuno is all about, but being on a bus with all of you guys is..." The setter trails off but he has a feeling it's for the safety of his ears rather than Suga's lack of wording.
"I think it'll be awesome!" Suga-san looks at him with a considering expression, then nods. "I think you're just excited to be back in Tokyo." Shouyou laughs, but his heart is racing too quickly for him to ask anything but, "Why do you say that?" Trying to sound as casual as possible while ignoring the fact that he's stuttering over simple words. The silver haired boy just offers him an odd smile and walks through the school gates without a word. Daichi gives him an equally unsettling smile and leads him towards the club room with a heavy hand on his neck.
It's not until he's about to change does he realize what the unsettling looks were for. Carefully, he unzips Kenma's jacket and folds it on top of his school uniform before removing his phone from the pile of fabric. There's two messages on the screen when he flicks it open.
"Pills Shouyou."
"After school."
The message, short and barely a sentence somehow manages to send chills through his entire body. Grand King. He thinks it might be a threat, in fact, Shouyou is almost positive that the words hold more than they say; he replies to Kenma, telling him that he's done as he's been told and nothing more. The middle blocker stares at the other message for too long, can feel the pixels starting to burn into his retinas. After school. Kuroo had told him to avoid Grand King, but there's nothing he can do to avoid the unavoidable. He tosses the phone back onto the pile and walks away from it but the sense of dread the message provided follows him into the gym.
He feels more aware of everything when all of his nerves are begging him to run, the extended senses hinder his ability to focus on the task he's supposed to be doing. After school lingers in everything he does and Kageyama, the previous kouhai of Grand King, was not helping with his curious looks and irritated outbursts. "What the hell is wrong with you?" The taller boy asks, getting close enough to grab at his shirt and Shouyou lets him, noticing almost too late that the setter was in his face. "W-What do you mean?" He snaps back, grabbing at Kageyama's wrists as a halfhearted struggle. "You're distracted!" He doesn't have an answer to that because he was, in fact, very distracted. "Sorry." He offers, but Kageyama's grip on him only tightens. "Do you even care? About being an ace, about the team?" The middle blocker almost snorts in the taller boy's face because Kageyama had no room to be talking about caring. "I do." He admits, shoving an apology in there along with his irritation.
The setter loosens his grip and shoves him back until he's on his ass, "Then focus, idiot." Kageyama stalks over to the net, waiting for him to launch the next ball; Shouyou finds his feet, wipes the taller boy's words off of his skin and grabs a ball; he tosses it as steadily as he can, and approaches the net with fear turning his feet into cement before he can jump. Too many flashes dart across his vision and Shouyou stops breathing, Kageyama's irritated rambling is lost on him, along with the fingers digging into his shoulders. The burning in his throat flares up until he's forced out of the gym to vomit in the grass; there's people calling his name but more acid seeps off his tongue before he can answer them.
"I'm fine." He mumbles when the heaving has calmed down and there's only remnants hanging off his chin, the middle blocker grabs fistfuls of grass and sighs over the pile before turning to face the entire Karasuno team, all of them with different expressions, Kageyama's stands out the most. Angry and looking like he might throw a punch that sends his head colliding with what was left of his breakfast. "I think you should go home." Suga-san suggests, grabbing onto one of his shoulders. The younger boy shakes his head, feeling both relief and denial, because both Grand King and Kuroo knew where he was staying and they would be more likely to torment him if he were alone.
"I'm fine." He echoes, pushing his feet under him until they can manage all of his trembling weight. There's protests lingering in the crowd that he should leave instead of suffering, he's pretty sure that Tsukishima said he'd fail if he showed up to class or not. The silver haired boy guides him to the club room, where he tugs on too big clothes and is left staring at Kenma's jacket; "Is Kenma that someone?" The older boy asks, sounding very much amused as he is concerned. Shouyou shrugs, grabs onto the folded fabric and tucks it inside of his gym bag as carefully as he can manage.
The only thing that Shouyu notices about the school day is that Kageyama refuses to speak to him unless it's to ask for answers about the bandages, the taller boy hadn't noticed the previous ones and the middle blocker was pretty sure that those ones were much more noticeable. For once, he doesn't want school to be over, even if it means dealing with Kageyama's cold shoulder or Kiyoko-senpai's stares while they share even more bread with Daichi and Suga-san.
"You should probably have more than coffee for lunch, Shouyou." Daichi chides, while handing him even more bread; the middle blockers scowls but consumes more than his fair share of the pile scattered between them. "What made them want to give you bread, Shimizu?" The manager sends a rather dark look at him before explaining that it was Asahi who had given them the idea. The older boys laugh loudly but Shouyou is caught up in avoiding a staring contest with a furious manager. "Is everything ready?" Daichi asks their manager cryptically, relief flood his system when blue eyes are taken off of him to offer their captain a nod and a polite smile. "Yachi's plan worked very well, businesses all over Miyagi donated for The Second Little Giant." Sarcasm oozes from Kiyoko's lips but Shouyou is caught up in her words. "The second little giant?" He mumbles, not really expecting an answer.
There's another round of laughter, Kiyoko included, "She didn't tell you?" The manager asks the same time Daichi mumbles, "How did you not see any of them?" The middle blocker blinks, stares up at the older teens in questioning. "...That's why you ran." The manager whispers too loudly for only him to have heard. She knows crashes into his head with such force he's forced to glare at the dark haired girl, who just stares back, unfazed. "Ran away?" Suga-san asks, pulling their attention from each other. "I-Uh-" Shouyou isn't sure how to explain besides Kuroo, and he knows that wouldn't turn out nicely for anyone. "It's nothing, just felt sick after practice." He thinks his explanation might be believable, the same thing had happened a few hours ago. Daichi sends him a frown that tells him they'll be discussing this in great detail when there weren't so many ears around.
"You still need to apologize to Yachi, Shouyou." The middle blocker uses that to take his exit, giving waves to the older teens before scurrying down the stairs and into class five; the shorter girl, with hair too much like Kenma's, is in her usual seat and has a straw squirming between her lips. "Yachi?" He greets when close enough and the blond girl practically jumps out of her skin before actually jumping at him. "Shouyou! I'm so sorry- I didn't mean to- I mean, I meant to- It's just- I mean... Sorry." Shouyou is pretty sure he should be apologizing and lets himself bow to the shorter teen. "I overreacted, and Kiyoko-senpai told me that you were really worried." The manager in training tugs on her ponytail and emits an awkward laugh that draws some eyes onto them, "I thought I killed you or something, like an old movie where they steal souls with cameras or something!" She explains, scarlet dusting her cheeks in a way that makes the middle blocker feel only worse about the situation. Shouyou realizes two things, that Yachi was not Kuroo, and that he is never going to the movies with her. Ever.
"It's really fine, senpai also told me about the posters." The shorter teen perks up at the item in question and tugs a tube from her bag, "I barely got the shot before you- Uh, yeah. It turned out really nice though, my mom even helped me with it!" Shouyou had met Yachi's mother twice and still found it hard to believe that the two were related. The blond girl tugs off the end of the tube and slides another tube out of it, only to unravel it slowly. Shouyuo sees black and he takes a step back. "Do you like it?" She asks and Shouyou wants to say both yes and no, the poster is nice to look at, but he finds that aspect also dangerous, too much darkness that makes him think of his deal. He smiles anyway, grabs the smaller teen in a hug while being extremely careful not to touch any of the inky darkness. "Its really awesome!" The middle blocker praises, pulling back before the manager to be gets any more red.
"Training camp is in two weeks!" She belts when he's by the door, Shouyou flinches at how loudly she tells him, but offers her another smile and a wave as he meanders back to his own classroom. The middle blocker observes his setter from the door for a moment, taking in angry eyes that refuse to land on him; he knows that the taller boy deserves an explanation, all of his teammates do, but the idea of everyone knowing is too much pressure on his throat. He'll tell Kageyama about it when everything is over, and the setter would just tell him to practice and nothing more. Shouyou finds himself begging for that time to happen, and until he can work up the courage he'll have to deal with the cold shoulder until everything is over.
Practice makes his entire body tremble until he can barely receive a ball without having it fly off at awkward angles, as soon as he stepped into the gym everything voice in his head started to scream. After school. The time had come and he knows as soon as he leaves the safety net his team is providing, he'll be pulled into something he cannot describe and cannot name. Daichi offers to walk him home, but he refuses, knowing that something would happen to Daichi if the older boy was seen with him, walking on the steps where Suga-san had been attacked. He tells Yachi that he'll be studying alone and won't be able to walk her home, the manager to be nods and offers encouragement, but the words don't reach through the dread and fear that makes his ears ring.
Shouyou slides open the door and Kageyama nudges past him, with a roll of his eyes the middle blocker locks the door, and contemplates changing out of his practice clothes. He's about to climb up too many steps when a voice like ice embodied stops him, "You've been avoiding me." Grand King's voice is not cheerful, the words are strung out flatly like the older boy can see what he's been doing. "Always leaving me behind, even when I gave you everything." The Aoba Johsai captain takes a step forward with each hissed word, Shouyou takes a step back but there's only rough patches of wall to cradle his trembling spine; Grand King's hands find their way onto his shoulders, uses them as a brace while the taller boy leans down until Shouyou can feel him breathing. "I'm sorry." He stutters into the older boy's chin, but Grand King just laughs. "No, you're not." Shouyou feels his heart freeze at the too familiar words and his mind races, "But I'll forgive you." There's a sigh of relief that he doesn't mean to let out but there's slick muscles where air should be coming in through, the older boy sinks his tongue into Shouyou's open mouth, the middle blocker winces at the unfamiliar sensation, sending his head crashing the centimeter or two between his hair and the wall.
"So out of practice, can't have that, can we?" There's another laugh, the one Grand King never uses in front of other people, then there's fire under his knees and his back is shoved against a too rough wall; Shouyou sees that moment in the dark all over again, the too hot pressure digging in there, the marks forcing unfamiliar crimson down his neck. The smaller boy swallows down any noise, letting himself go as still as possible in the older boy's hands. Grand King pulls back, weird strings of spit dangling from his lips, "You're not even trying, don't you love me?" No is on his tongue, but Grand King is there before he can even respond, the older boy's tongue flicks at his but the sensation feels empty and distant, like this is happening to someone else. He almost wishes it was.
"You might enjoy yourself more if you just give in." His thoughts of replying, telling Grand King that enjoying it all was impossible, but that same tongue, too warm for Grand King to have; Shouyou gives in, can tell in the way the older boy's hand start to grip tighter that he's getting impatient. He flicks back, feeling clumsy because he was only used to Kenma's mouth against his; his mistake cements itself when the the hand gripping his knees start to move, down strained thighs until there's a palm lingering there. "Not hard for me, Shou-chan?" The smaller boy squirms at the words, pushing memories out of his head before they can be corrupting with Grand King's touch. What's in between them.
"Grand King!" He groans when the hand starts to hurt, the older boy growls into his ear and teeth that don't belong to him sink into his racing pulse, he can feel each too sharp lump digging into his bloodstream through the ripping crimson that seeps around the older boy's teeth. "Stop!" He wails, tossing his head against the wall again when he tries to move away. The setter pulls back, trails of too red glimmer in the dim light surrounding them, "I told you to use my name." Grand King scoots in, towards the unmarred part of his neck and Shouyou squirms away from acid breaths. "Twice now, I think." The older boy muses before the torture resumes, like iron clamping onto his bloodstream and fighting against it only makes it worse. "Say it for me, Shou-chan."
Those teeth, now damp with something he's too familiar with, linger over shoulder far enough away from the throbbing mess on his neck that the area is starting to hurt. Grand King clamps down again and Shouyou screams, "Say it and I'll make you feel good." The older boy screams, sounding far different than someone with blood rubbed into their chin. His shirt is lifted before he can bring himself to say it, he shudders at the feral look on Grand King's face more than the breeze pressing into his skin. "Come on, Shou-chan, it only takes once, then you'll be screaming it forever." Shouyou has never experienced a true forever, he thought that being with Natsu and his family would be that, he knows that his protector will be there forever, and he knows that Grand King will chase him forever until Shouyou is nothing more than a pawn in his pocket.
Pale incisors latch onto the loose skin above his rib cage and moist air lingers over his nipple, Grand King's voice vibrates into his body, the middle blocker can almost make out the words. Say it. His voice hurts as much as the bite does, but only one of them leaves leaking heat trailing into his shorts. The older boy latches onto his other side without a word, without an order and Shouyou almost relents, almost feels Oikawa seep through his teeth but the damaging mouth relents, slides down at the same time too strong hands slide him up the wall. The cement digging into his back is dulled by too many rings squeezed into his skin, Grand King's face lingers just above his hip, a sticky tongue lapping at the skin before clamping down without warning. The middle blocker screams into the dark, louder when his hip bone is bitten into, but Grand King sinks even lower, tugging at his waistband until air and a too heavy gaze is lingering there.
"Last chance."