Mello

When I got up the next morning, Matt was already awake, staring down at me longingly. I sat up, rubbing my eyes.

"Oh, Matt," I muttered, smiling at him

"Hey…" he replied somewhat nervously. Hmm, weird.

Stretching, I felt a pain in my lower back. Now, that was definitely caused by our 'activities' yesterday. "My back hurts."

" Sorry."

"It's not your fault. Haven't been in that position for a long time."

His expression changed slightly, though I couldn't put a finger on it. He was quiet for a moment, before calling out to me.

"Hm?"

"H—how many people have you slept with?"

I almost choked when I heard the question. Where the hell did THAT come from? Crap, what should I do? The number was uncountable, but I knew telling Matt that would hurt him, and I know that we were supposed to be truthful in a relationship, but…

"Five," I replied smoothly.

"Five?"

"Yeah." He remained silent, face fallen. He looked like he had just been betrayed or something which was bad because I swear I had been loyal ever since the day I agreed to this relationship. Now I was hurt because after all this time, he still obviously didn't trust me. I tried going all out to prove my sincerity but it obviously had not worked since he was still skeptical. What else can I do to justify how serious I am? Because I really don't want this to end yet because, honestly, this is the happiest I've ever been. "Matt, don't do this to me."

"What?"

"I mean, I can sense it you know, that you're afraid I won't be...faithful. I know I was a terrible person before. I stomped on peoples' hearts and shit. But you've got to believe me now. I changed, God, I swear. So, please," I begged, hoping he understood.

He bit his lip, shaking his head. "It's not you, Mello. I don't know why you would think that, but it's me. It's all me. You're the one everyone wants and I'm just...Matt. I'm not anything special."

The words rang in my ears. Did he just say what I thought he said? Now, he wasn't doubting me, but he was doubting himself, which I thought was even worse. Why would he even say that? Getting angry, I pushed him down forcefully onto the bed, staring right into his eyes so he could see how much I meant the words I was about to say. "Hey, Matt, listen up. I chose you for a reason. You are special to me you hear. What the fuck is going on in that brain of yours that you would ever doubt me, or yourself for that matter? Do you really think I'd tell someone that I loved them and then dump them the next day? What kind of bitch do you think I am? I'm not going to let you to talk about yourself that way."

He didn't say a word but his eyes grew large and his mouth hung open, like he was surprised that I actually got annoyed. Like he thought I was just going to accept all that shit he's just spewed. Well, better luck next time because I was NOT going to have my boyfriend, yes, boyfriend, feel inferior and fucking insecure. We were in this together.

He nodded slightly and just as I was about to get off, he spoke up again. "I guess I'll never be your first anything, huh."

"What?"

"You had Noah as your first...y'know. Mr Stephen as your first date. All your firsts have been taken; what's left for me then?"

Oh my God, so that was what he was worried about the whole time? That there wasn't a piece of me he could take that wasn't already taken? Well, news flash, this was the first time I've felt been so fucking blissful, this was the first I actually felt romantic love, and this is the first time I've ever gotten so attached to someone, and Matt was the one giving it all to me. I grinned, wanting to just kiss him again right now. "As stupid as it sounds, you're my first boyfriend."

His face lit up instantaneously. "Really?"

"Cross my heart." It was completely true. "Come on then, Matt. Let's take a shower."

I pulled him into the bathroom where we got kind of…into it.

Afterwards, I offered to wash Matt's hair. He readily agreed like a little girl whose mother just promised to braid her hair. It was cute, really.

As I started lathering shampoo into his soft strands, a nostalgic feeling swept over me. Did my mother ever do this for me? Before she died, did she ever wash my hair? Did she ever do anything? I didn't know why, but I could hardly remember. My mind was fuzzy and all I could picture whenever I thought of something was the redhead sitting in front of me. Before I knew it, I was in Matt's arms crying. Why was I crying? I couldn't even remember that anymore. All I could remember was the comfort of Matt, his voice, his form, his chest against mine. All I could remember was the feeling of pure bliss of knowing that he was by my side, that he was supporting me. If there was anyone, anyone at all, that I would be willing to spend the rest of my pathetic life with, it would be him. Because he is kind, he is gentle and he is so understanding.

I'm so glad I didn't lose him back when I still couldn't see straight. I'm so glad I still have him next to me, smoothing my hair and telling me that everything was alright through his touches. I'm so glad.

"Matt, I-I'm so h...happy you're here with me," I sobbed, burying my head in his chest.

"I'm happy I'm with you too," he replied softly.

That was the day it started. I realized that I needed him and he needed me too. And I have no idea how long this is going to last, but I knew one thing: no matter what, until that day comes, I would always want Matt right by my side.

That's all folks.

Peace, I'm out.