They found her in a bar. She was drunk out of her mind and the moment she saw her mother's ginger hair come through the door she collapsed in tears.
Amy quickly helped her to the back of the bar and into the women's room which she locked as soon as they were in there. "River." Amy said sympathetically as she watched her daughter curl up on the floor, sobbing. "Sweetheart you need to calm down." Amy said as she wet a paper towel before crouching down to press the cold cloth to her daughter's forehead. "You don't get drunk… This is so not you."
River moaned as she sat up with her mother's help. "The nineteen fifties aren't exactly the greatest era to get anti-depressants." River said quietly.
"Sweetheart." Amy said sympathetically. "I knew you weren't taking this as well as you had been trying to convince me."
River bit her lip nervously. "I wanted that baby so much." River began to confess. "I was going to tell The Doctor the morning I started cramping… But then I was just too scared. And I don't think he trusts me anymore. Why should he? I don't deserve him."
Amy quietly began to comfort her daughter. "He loves you River."
"I don't know if he does." River admitted.
Amy shook her head with a smile. "Just the way he looks at you River. He is so entirely entranced by you and your wellbeing. The moment you ran out today he was so scared I thought he would be sick."
River smiled slightly, still too drunk to do anything but complain about things. "Can we go home?"
Amy nodded. "We're going to have to meet The Doctor first."
"Alright." River agreed quietly before she allowed her mother to help her up.
After meeting Doctor at a specific street corner the three of them made their way slowly back to Amy and Rory's apartment.
It was nearing midnight when Amy opened the door revealing more than one surprise. Rory and Anthony were both still awake, and Anthony was sitting in Anne Farnsworth's lap.
The Doctor's eyes widened as he and Rory made eye contact. They quickly exchanged glances before Mrs. Farnsworth could turn around and see the state River was in.
"To bed with you Mrs. Smith." The Doctor said loudly as he quickly escorted her to their bedroom.
"What happened to her?" Anne asked Amy as Amy picked Anthony out of her lap.
"She's just feeling overwhelmed." Amy said honestly. "Thank you for helping Rory clean up." She said as she noted the clean apartment.
"Well I figured you could use the extra help with River in her condition." Anne said as she was escorted to the door by Amy.
Rory gave Amy a questioning look which she shook her head at as she said goodbye to their neighbor, tightly shutting the door behind her. "Holy crap." She said quietly under her breath. "As nice of a place as this is for us to live sometimes I miss being able to just say things that haven't become socially acceptable yet." She said as she rolled her eyes.
"River?" Anthony asked his mother hopefully.
Amy sighed as she shook her head. "River's not feeling well she's gone to bed."
Anthony nodded his head seriously.
"Speaking of which." Rory said as he took his son. "It's way past your bedtime mister."
"But it's my birthday!" Anthony said with a wide smile.
Rory shook his head with a smirk. "It's actually the day after your birthday now buddy." Anthony looked as if he were going to protest but his large yawn gave away how tired he was and so he just leaned against his father's shoulder as he took him to bed.
Amy sighed before going to the guest bedroom door and knocking on it lightly.
"Come in Amy." The Doctor replied quietly as he opened the door. Revealing River, passed out on top of the bed.
"This is so not her." Amy said quietly as she gently brushed River's curls away from her face. "She's never been one to run away from pain. She's been scared before, but she doesn't do things like this."
"I know." The Doctor said quietly.
Rory then came in. "What happened?"
"She's drunk." Amy informed him blatantly.
"Well yes Amy I can see that." He pointed out. "But she's… very drunk… like something is very very wrong drunk."
"River said it herself, she has a vulnerable side that she keeps well hidden." Amy said as she watched her daughter's intense pain unfold. "She's been making an emotional dam for years, it broke."
"We have to get out of here." The Doctor said quietly. "She needs to get out of here."
"Yeah but you broke the TARDIS so that's not really an option is it?" Amy replied angrily. "Maybe that's what you should be working on, rather than needlessly hovering over her and making her feel like she owes you something."
"I don't know what you're talking about…" The Doctor replied clearly confused.
Amy looked at him angrily. "She doesn't owe you a baby Doctor." She said lividly.
"I never said she did!" The Doctor tried to defend himself.
"Amy you need to calm down…" Rory tried gently before Amy promptly slapped The Doctor across the face.
"Don't hurt her again." Amy said, her Scottish accent seething as she left the room angrily.
The Doctor looked at the Rory questioning Amy's behavior.
"I honestly don't know exactly what's been going on but I'm fairly certain is has to do with the miscarriage." Rory replied.
"That wasn't my fault!" The Doctor replied, clearly confused.
Rory shrugged. "Having children or the inability to do so is generally fairly straining for women. Particularly those of the Pond variety." He imparted his wisdom. "As much as I don't want to say this to you as she is my daughter, you are seriously out of practice on communication in your relationship. So please… just talk to her about this stuff."
The Doctor nodded as he sat down next to his wife on the bed while Rory left the room. He gently pulled her hair back into a ponytail, knowing that the chances of her vomiting the next morning were incredibly high. Then he lay down and tried to fall asleep, but he had no luck. He felt horrible about everything that had happened, and he felt even worse that she hadn't come to him with her pain.
He laid in silence all night until early in the morning he heard River groan as she quickly moved to get out of bed.
The Doctor quickly followed her and crouched down behind her as she expelled whatever had been in her stomach into the toilet. He gently rubbed her back and tried to comfort her as much as possible.
"I feel like I got hit by a bus." River said quietly as she leaned back into him, letting his arms wrap around her.
They sat quietly in the bathroom for what felt like forever before The Doctor spoke up. "Why didn't you come to me?" He asked her quietly.
"You hate endings." River said quietly.
The Doctor shook his head. "River this isn't the end for us." He said quietly. "I didn't save you from The Library to lose you over something like this."
River stared down at her hands. "I don't deserve you, you don't deserve to be stuck with me."
The Doctor quickly captured her lips in his. After a moment he pulled away to speak. "I love you River Song and I want you to be happy, no matter what that takes. You said it yourself, I'm loved by nobody more than you." River nodded quietly as the tears fell down her face. She hid her face in his chest so that he couldn't see her pain, but he could feel it in her soul. "River…" He said sympathetically as he held her tightly. "What are you thinking?"
"About us." River replied vaguely.
"Mhmm." The Doctor appreciated her comment with a smirk. "What about us?"
"Doctor I wanted that baby… I wanted it so much." She finally opened up to him. "I know I made you think I was okay, but I wasn't, and I'm not."
"I know." He said softly as he wrapped a lock of her hair around his finger. "Do you want to try again?" He asked her quietly.
"I'm… I don't know?" River replied honestly.
"I think we could have a beautiful daughter." He said with a smile as he kissed her cheek.
"Or a son." She replied with her eyebrow raised in suspicion.
"Well yes." He replied automatically. "But I just assumed you would want a daughter." He lied smoothly.
"I don't know if I have a preference." River said honestly as she held his hands in hers. "But you're right if we had a daughter she would be beautiful."
"You don't sound like someone who doesn't want a baby." The Doctor teased her with a smile.
"I am hung over, you really can't take anything I've said too seriously." River replied as she once again relaxed in his arms. "But you can always ask again when I'm not getting over a night of being black-out drunk."
"Speaking of that…" The Doctor began.
"I don't want to talk about it." River stopped him immediately.
"Amy said something about you wanting an antidepressant." He continued despite her protests.
River shook her head. "Please Doctor." She tried to stop him.
"River you're depressed aren't you?" He asked her quietly.
She looked at him, her eyes wide and pooling with tears. "What would you be if you were trained to kill the man you loved since you were born?"
"I'm so sorry." He said lovingly as he pulled her closer to him. "I don't want you to feel like you have to take thoughts like that somewhere else, or drown them with medication. If you want to take the medication because it makes you feel better you can. I don't want to stop you. I'll get ahold of Jack and get him to bring you some if you want it."
River looked at him in amazement. "I thought… I thought you wouldn't want to waste your time on someone who…"
The Doctor quickly quieted her with a gentle kiss. "I have all the time in the Universe River and I want to spend all of it with you."
It was a month after Anthony's birthday party and things at the Williams household hadn't slowed down but they had taken a turn for the better.
River and The Doctor were communicating openly with each other and River was looking a lot healthier. Amy and Rory however were frantically trying to find an advanced school for Anthony to enroll in.
"River did you see my pocketbook?" Amy asked from the kitchen table where she was paying bills.
River was sitting on the couch in the den reading a magazine. "No?" She replied curiously. "Did you ask Anthony? He had quite a few coins in his pockets last time I saw him."
"Anthony!" Amy called and soon the four year old emerged from his bedroom and ran into the kitchen.
"Yes mummy?" Anthony asked her sweetly as he ran over to her.
"Did you take mum's pocketbook?" Amy asked him seriously.
"Uh…" Anthony said quietly as he looked down at his bare feet.
"Anthony Vincent Williams." Amy scolded him immediately. "I need a straight answer from you, yes or no?"
Anthony nodded his head shamefully. "I'm sorry." He said quietly.
"Alright just go get it, and try to put all of the coins you took out of it back in it before you come back." Amy said as she stood up to stretch her back. She walked into the den to talk to her daughter. "So how's the reading?"
River rolled her eyes. "This is honestly some of the worst 'literature' I've ever read." She replied as she used air quotes around the word literature.
"So I've been meaning to tell you… But Anne and her husband are coming over for dinner tonight…" Amy said awkwardly.
River looked up at her and eyed her angrily. "Are you kidding me?" She asked her, her voice monotonous out of annoyance.
"I'm sorry I've been meaning to tell you." Amy apologized.
"She thinks I'm pregnant Amy." River reminded her.
"Yep." Amy replied as she sat down next to her daughter.
"Also this is going to mean I have to dress in period clothing." River pointed out yet another reason for her annoyance.
"I know!" Amy insisted. "Rory and Oliver are good friends no matter how annoying Anne is. We almost always have monthly dinners with them, and we cancelled for the last two months. If you don't want them questioning you…"
"Okay, okay!" River laughed. "I'm not going to be happy about it though." She replied with a huff as she hit her mother with the pillow from the couch.
"You seem happier River." Amy said as she gently set the pillow down next to her.
River nodded. "I am." She said quietly.
"I feel like you're holding back on me River." Amy said with a smirk as she looked her daughter in the eye.
River bit her lower lip. "No." She lied through her clenched teeth.
"Okay that was a blatant lie." Amy replied as she pulled her legs up and under her on the couch.
River shook her head. "Don't worry about it. There's nothing you need to worry about." She insisted.
"What is going on?" Amy asked her persistently.
River sighed before slouching into the couch and hiding her face behind the magazine she had been reading.
"What?" Amy persisted. "You're not pregnant again are you?" She asked, her eyes wide.
River shook her head with an embarrassed smile. "No… but we're trying."
Amy let out a small excited squeal. "River that's amazing!" She said as she wrapped her arms around her daughter. "You want this right?" She double checked immediately. "He's not rushing you into it or anything right?"
River shook her head again. "No of course not." She assured her immediately.
"I'm so excited for you!" Amy said happily. "I better be the first person to know about it." She informed her daughter immediately.
"I thought I might tell The Doctor first." River teased as she raised her eyebrows.
Amy sighed. "Alright, I guess that's fine." She replied with a smirk. "Help me with dinner?" She asked her as she stood up.
River nodded before following her mother to the kitchen.
Author's Note: I hope you're enjoying the story. For the record I am trying to stick with as much historical continuity as possible but because I am writing it in my free time and this ultimately isn't going to be published anywhere officially I don't have someone editing for any of those types of errors so if there are those kind of mistakes that don't have a huge effect on the story ultimately I'm not going to correct them. Please review!