(Editor's note: My notes are in bold italics. The author's will simply be bold.)

ALLEGIANECES:

SAPPHIRECLAN:

Leader: Vanillastar, a cream-colored tom with blue eyes

Deputy: Sparklefur, a jet black she-cat with violet eyes (Yeah, I can definitely see a queen naming her kit Sparklekit.)

Medicine Cat: Startalon, a long-haired gray tom (Seriously?)
(apprentice: Tranquilpaw)

Warriors:

Talonclaw, a dark tabby tom with gray eyes and long, sharp claws

Sunsetshine, a ginger tabby she-cat with blue eyes

Mockingbirdheart, a stormy gray tom
(apprentice: Moonpaw)

Cursedheart, a black and white she-cat with green eyes (Isn't this a beautiful, happy name?)

Thunderingbreeze, a broad-shouldered dark tabby tom

Webstream, a gray tabby
(apprentice: Screepaw)

Braveheart, a flame-colored tom with green eyes (Five bucks says he's a coward.)

Gazingflight, a silver she-cat

Beetlescar, a long-furred gray tom (Look! I was scarred by a beetle! Aren't I manly?)

Shadowseeker, a black tom (I want Mockingbirdheart, Shadowseeker, Thunderingbreeze, and Reallylongnamecat on patrol to the Stupidlongridiculousnamerocks!)

Glasswater, a pure white she-cat with blue eyes
(apprentice: Lilypaw)

Apprentices:

Screepaw, a blue-gray tom with one black paw

Moonpaw, a beautiful white she-cat with a black crescent moon on her forehead and glistening violet eyes (Five bucks says she's the Mary-Sue protagonist!)

Tranquilpaw, a black and white she-cat

Lilypaw, an orange tom with blue eyes (Lilypaw is a very manly name, no?)

Queens:

Goldenmask, a beautiful golden she-cat with green eyes

Mysteryheart, a black she-cat with blue eyes

Elders:

Oddpelt, a calico tom-cat with one eye (And it's his pelt that's odd?)

Polarsong, an old gray she-cat with gray eyes

RUBYCLAN:

Leader: Rainbowstar, a black tom with red paws (Ooh, a manly rainbow leader tom!)

Deputy: Ambercrystal, an auburn she-cat with beautiful blue eyes (A very realistic warrior's name that could easily have appeared in the books, yup!)
(apprentice: Sorrowpaw)

Medicine Cat: Almondfeather, a brown tabby she-cat

Warriors:

Mallowbelly, a spotted tabby tom with blue eyes

Toadbrook, black tom
(apprentice: Ghostpaw)

Dewflight, a white she-cat with ginger flecks

Eagletooth, a white tom with sharp teeth (Silly author, eagles have no teeth!)

Rockwatcher, a brown tabby tom with a white underbelly (His life must be very boring.)
(apprentice: Fallenpaw)

Sneezenose, a tawny-colored she-cat (Sneezemud would have been a much better name, if you ask me.)

Bubbledusk, a cute black-and-white tom (So many manly names!)

Apprentices:

Ghostpaw, a ghastly-looking white she-cat

Fallenpaw, a gray tabby tom

Sorrowpaw, an orange tabby she-cat

Queens:

Reflectionsoul, a tabby she-cat with blue eyes (Her soul is a mirror!)

Elders:

Treefoot, a lively old tom with blue eyes (Trees are very lively.)

Lilacflower, a brown she-cat with lilac-colored eyes

Cornerstone, a gray and white tom

EMERALDCLAN:

Leader: Dragonstar, a strong black tom with green eyes

Deputy: Icybreath, a prickly gray tom (Needs some Icebreakers!)

Medicine Cat: Blazingfox, a long-haired red tom (Aaah! A fox!)

Warriors:

Bleedinglove, a smoky gray tabby with red eyes. (Seriously, who wrote this? A five-year-old?)

Cleargaze, a white she-cat
(apprentice: Ivorypaw)

Icefrost, a gray flecked tom

Startwinkle, a black and white she-cat (Reincarnation of Stargleamstar!)
(apprentice: Freezingpaw)

Mangledsoul, a white tom with black ears

Mournfulphantom, a long-haired red tabby she-cat (Wow. Just wow.)
(apprentice: Serpentpaw)

Crimsonrose, a stunning white cat with orange tabby patches (I'm not a tom, I'm not a she-cat, so I can be with everyone!)

Shiverhoot, a gray and white tom (Half owl, half ice, half off if you pay extra shipping and handling!)

Apprentices:

Ivorypaw, an ivory colored she-cat with blue eyes

Serpentpaw, a ginger tom

Freezingpaw, a brown tabby she-cat

Queens:

Snowinfero, a gorgeous tortoiseshell she-cat (This is the weirdest name...)

Elders:

Attackstrike, a one-eyed old calico tom (Don't attack Strike!)

Tornadozephyr, a black and white tom (What?)

DIAMONDCLAN:

Leader: Nebulastar, a calico tom with blue eyes (Since when do cats know what a nebula is?)

Deputy: Snowflake, a puffy white she-cat with green eyes (Former kittypet, rose in the ranks very quickly, if you know what I mean!)

Medicine Cat: Troubletail, a long-haired gray she-cat (Your tail is sooo busted!)
(apprentice: Gaypaw)

Warriors:

Hammerclaw, a dark brown tabby tom with amber eyes (This is how I can tell it's a trollfic and not an honest attempt: Hammerclaw was Tigerclaw's original name.)
(apprentice: Onyxpaw)

Shiningpower, a small ginger tabby she-cat (I'm so scared!)

Phoenixwhisker, a fire-colored tom with green eyes

Ruinedspirit, a silver she-cat (What a kind mother.)
(apprentice: Dancerpaw)

Terrorglare, a white and black tom (Terrorkit? The moms here are messed up.)

Witheringbones, a brown she-cat with blue eyes (Nebulastar must be a real jerk. Not that I blame him, with that name...)
(apprentice: Angelpaw)

Neonflash, a white she-cat

Apprentices:

Dancerpaw, a brown spotted she-cat

Onyxpaw, a black tom

Angelpaw, a white she-cat with a black muzzle

Gaypaw, a dusky brown tom with green eyes (Seriously, how messed up are the moms in this disgrace story?)

Queens:

Dazzlemoon, a spotted gray tabby she-cat

Sugarplumspirit, a brown tabby she-cat (I am the fairy sugarplum queen!)

Berrysonnet, a dappled golden she-cat (Poetry. In the form of a cat.)

Elders:

Windwalker, a brown-and-white tom (Who cares if Jesus walks on water? I can walk on wind!)