Hiya! So yes, extended delay with updating i know. And i know that everyone on here says that but I am usually pretty prompt. So, many sorries. I literally have had to design a campaign and it is not even finished yet and the creative process is slowly killing my life. On top of that there is work and design contract work and of course... must allow time for procrastination. Such an important part of the design process. Hashtag designerlyf. ANYWAY.

Thank you for your support and for waiting so long!

Let me know what you think of this chap!

Phanty belongs to Leroux and Lloyd Weber and Christine in an ideal Phan universe.

Christine

Everything had changed. I had gone from feeling incredibly safe and tranquil in his presence to being nothing short of terrified. He told me that he would never hurt me... and part of me believed him, but how could I be sure? All he had done since our first meeting was lie to me or at the very least mislead me. I didn't really know who he was and suddenly I was extremely anxious at the idea of being underneath the Opera; a place where no one could find me if they tried... with a man who was a self-confessed murderer. Had there been others? He seemed remorseful but he spoke of his actions so casually which only served to heighten my fear. Was Erik even his name? How could I trust anything he told me about himself? I cursed myself for being so foolish. I had gone in blindly; simply given myself to him; mind, body and spirit. Each day, all I could think about was counting down the minutes until I could see him again and now...

He had shattered me.

He had shattered me completely and broken my trust.

I asked for him to take me back to my world and, like the gentleman I had always known him to be, he obliged. But the look in his eyes when I spoke those words made me want to reconsider. I was so torn. I had such strong feelings for this man whom I hardly knew... I wanted to spend every second I could with him but now I was terrified and I couldn't see past that. I knew that by asking to leave I was breaking his heart... but he had broken mine.

I had expected him to walk me to my dressing room as he had always done and part of me was slightly saddened when he opted to leave me on the staircase. I suppose he thought that I preferred it that way, or perhaps it was a move of self preservation... I didn't know.

He was going to say something. He called my name and I stared at him, awaiting his words... something, anything that might mend what was broken between us. Our eyes locked together and I could see his anguish. He was battling with himself just as I was. And then... nothing. He picked up his cape and walked away, leaving me on the staircase staring after him. I don't know what I expected; He had already apologized and I had not accepted, but seeing him walk away was one of the hardest things I'd had to do. I thought of calling after him but what would I say? What could I say that would fix what he had done or to fix how I felt about it? After a few moments, I turned and walked in the opposite direction. I did not look back.

I took one of the torches off the wall and made my way down the dark corridor to my dressing room. Before dousing the flame I turned to look behind me, almost expecting to see someone; to say good night to someone, to say farewell to someone. But there was no one there... All I could see was my own breath in the blackness. I entered my dressing room and closed the door. When I was finally inside, I fell to the ground with my back to the mirror and wept.

After several minutes, I pulled myself together. I told myself that I was crying for someone I hardly knew. That I was crying for a murder. I was doing everything I could to convince myself that my fear was grounded, that I had made the right choice in leaving him. But then why did it hurt so much? Why could I not stop the emotion overpowering my every thought... every action? Eventually I made my way to my sleeping quarters. When I got there I was both surprised and elated to find that Meg was waiting for me.

"Well, where did you go!? I've been waiting for you!"

"Shhh!" One of the other girls called from another cot.

"Oh, you shh!" She spat.

I sat down on my bed quietly.

"It doesn't matter." I said, hardly looking at her. I found myself hoping that I had convincingly wiped the emotion from my face and the tears from my eyes before she had seen me.

"What? What doesn't matter?" She whispered. "You said you would tell me, Christine! When you left before you..."

I did not respond.

"Are you alright?" She asked, touching my arm.

I said nothing, but when I looked up at her, the tears had broken through once more. I could hide my emotion no longer.

"Christine..." She pulled me into an embrace. As soon as I was in her arms, I wept unabashedly. I had promised to keep it all a secret, but how could I? It was tearing me up inside.

"What's wrong?" She whispered.

"I... I don't know if I can tell you..." I managed through sobs.

"Of course you can! You can tell me anything! Christine... what has upset you so?"

I looked up at my best friend. Her eyes were beseeching me to tell her everything, to tell her who had harmed me in such a way. But could I? How could I tell her that instead of seeing Raoul, I had been seeing another man who had broken my heart? That my heart was in fact broken by none other than the Opera Ghost? And it was broken because it was he who was responsible for the murder she had told me about only hours before. Could I trust her with such information? I sniffed and wiped my eyes.

"Come outside?" I offered, knowing that if I was going to divulge my secrets, it couldn't very well be in the presence of the whole chorus and anyone else who so chose to eavesdrop. Meg nodded and followed me out of the room. What was I doing?

"Alright, now tell me, Christine!" She said. I looked around me cautiously...

I looked up...

Erik wouldn't like the idea of me sharing this information but something told me that for once, he was not listening. Something told me that he was in his home... deep below the Opera. Deep down where I had left him.

"I... I really don't know if I should..." I sniffed again.

"If something is bothering you, I need to know what it is. We are best friends... are we not?"

I smiled. Yes, we were. And If Madame Giry was trustworthy, her daughter would be too.

I began to tell her and I could see the level of concern in her eyes rising with each minute that passed.

"Christine... The Opera Ghost?" I was surprised that that was all she could say. Of course, I could see why that was the most shocking part...

"I told you, I did not know that he was The Opera Ghost when I first met him... my feelings just grew and..." I sighed and looked up at the ceiling; as if in some way, hoping that he could hear me. "I put him on such a pedestal that when I learned of the truth, my heart was broken. Even now, I don't know whether I left him for fear or for... some misplaced sense of betrayal."

"Well... you had every right to be afraid."

"But... I don't think that he would hurt me, Meg. I don't..."

She looked down at her hands.

"But do you know that?" She smiled as her nostalgia overcame her concern and she held my hand in excitement. "Do you remember how afraid we used to be when we were children? Maman used to tell us that the Opera Ghost would get us if we didn't practice."

I laughed in spite of myself. I thought about mentioning the fact that her mother was quite well acquainted with the Opera Ghost but decided against it. I didn't know how she would react and I had had enough confrontation for one night.

"Meg. Those were only stories..."

"I know." She smiled.

"If only you knew what he was really like..." I sighed and stared into the darkness.

"I don't know... from what you tell me, he seems to care a lot for you. But, like you say... you don't really know him at all. The person who you grew to love may not have been him..."

"But that's the thing, Meg!" I held her hands in desperation. "It was him! I could still see Erik in those pleading eyes. And... even though he knew what he had done, it was as if he was asking me why I was saying such hurtful things, why I was leaving him. It was unbearable..."

"I... don't know what to tell you, Christine." She said. "You have to do what your heart tells you. Perhaps... give it a few days and see how you feel."

"I know how I feel..."

"About... the situation I mean." She smiled faintly.

Of course. I already knew how I felt about him.

"We should sleep." She said. "We can discuss it more tomorrow if you'd like."

"Yes. You are right. I'm quite exhausted. Thank you, Meg." I turned and embraced her. She held me tightly and I found that I didn't want her to let go. I still had so much on my mind and I could not see the person who usually talked me through my problems.

I used to fall asleep knowing that the next day I would speak to my Angel of Music. I took comfort in that. Then I fell asleep knowing that I would see Erik the next day... But as I lay down and my head hit the pillow I knew that when I woke up, I would not be doing either of those things. I would not see him and I didn't know when or even if I would again.

Erik

It felt as though my heart had been ripped out of my body and by the time I reached the bottom of the spiral staircase, I had to steady myself as the pain in my chest became too great. I leaned against the wall and began to inhale deeply. What was happening? This was real pain I was feeling... wasn't it? I slid to the ground with my hand to my heart and closed my eyes.

Christine.

I would never see her again.

If it was the right thing to do, why was it so painful?

The ache came in waves, from my stomach and up into my throat. It threatened to suffocate me; the grief. Slowly I stood up. I could not lose myself here. Not yet. I could not come undone until I was in the sanctity of my own home. No one could take that from me.

With great difficulty I made it across the lake, eagerly jumping out of my boat and finding myself knee deep in water. I did not care. I could not even feel the cold. I ripped my cloak from my shoulders followed by my jacket and discarded them haphazardly. They fell soundlessly into the lake. As I waded to the shore of my home I ripped my mask from my face and flung it as far as I could. I did not know where it landed. Nor did I care. I didn't make it past the shore line. I collapsed to my knees in the puddle-deep water and held my head in my hands.

Why? Why had I done this to myself? To her?

And then, as if on cue, the tears came. I could not stop them, nor did I care to. This was the first time I had wept as a grown man... and I felt no better than that seven year old boy I once was... I wept until the pain in my chest was replaced with a dull throb in my head. After minutes of despair ceaselessly wreaking havoc on my body, draining me of everything that i had, I got to my feet and looked around. A cynical chuckle escaped my lips as I surveyed my home.

Home

What home? This was a cave and nothing more. It was a tomb! How could I ever think that someone like Christine would want to stay with me in this tomb when she could be above, living the life she deserved? Suddenly, everything I looked upon was a reminder of her; of what I had done to her. Every object I saw reminded me of what I was...

Of what she had done to me... What she had made me become...

She had made me into Erik. A person. A man...

I was Erik once, long ago. And all that name brought to me was pain...

It had done it once more... that name.

I would be Erik no longer. If a Ghost; a criminal... a murder is what they wanted, that is what I would give them.

Smiling manically I picked up a candelabrum from my mantelpiece and threw it violently into each and every mirror I could see. A ghost did not need mirrors, did he? I turned to my left. A ghost did not need drapes either, did he? I dropped the candelabrum and picked up my sword. I slashed at my drapes with all that I had and did the same with my drawings that hung from the wall. I stumbled from each of my work stations, destroying everything that I had created; everything she had seen, touched, commented on. Everything but my music...

My sword dropped exhaustedly from my grasp and fell to the stone floor with a dull clang, and there it stayed along with the remnants of who I was.

Christine

I did not see Erik for weeks. Meg and I did not speak about him after that. She would ask me if I was alright every now and then or ask me if I had heard from him but I always responded with a simple nod or a shake of the head. I spent more time with Raoul and we became as close as we once were. It was a relief to have someone to talk to, even though I could not voice what I most desperately wanted to. The things that troubled me most I could not tell anyone save for Meg and her mother, and the time never seemed right to speak about it. I wanted desperately to speak with Madame Giry, to ask if she had seen him... to ask how he was. But I did not.

And as the days wore on, my confusion grew. If I was so frightened by him, why did I feel such a need to see him? Why did I feel such an absence now that he was not in my life? Every now and then I would call for him... just softly, so that no one else could hear me. As a child, when I would call for him in such a way he would never fail to answer me. I would hear his velvety voice emanate from somewhere above the chapel and envelop me in its warmth. But now, I received no response. I could not even feel him around... as if he were not watching at all. As I became more desperate to hear from him, I began to think back to that night; to his reasoning. No, there was no excusing what he had done but he had done it to protect me and I would admit that I did not feel safe when Buquet was around... Part of me did not want to think about any of it. I just wanted to see him. I wanted it to be like it was... Even if it went back to how it was before I had seen him, back to the way it was when he was my Angel and nothing more. Anything would have been better than this... This solitude.

It was so strange performing with no one to perform to. Yes, I got certain satisfaction out of the applause I received but I knew that the one person I was performing for was not listening. After each aria I would stare up into the rafters with a smile before I was reminded of what had last occurred there and why no one was watching down on me.

I had been spending time with Raoul. He had truly saved me from myself and without him I feel that the time without Erik would have been unbearable. He had mentioned engagement once after our first dinner and I had simply shrugged it off by telling him that I was not yet ready to think on it. However I knew that it was only a matter of time before he brought it up again and I knew that he would want an answer. I did not know what to tell him; that I was already courting someone but that I had not seen him I weeks? It was absurd.

In a way I did love Raoul, only not in the way that he loved me and I did not want to marry him, although it seemed the right thing to do. But I could I could not deny him... I needed his company; his companionship more than I needed marriage. He was my life-raft in the harsh sea that was Erik's forced solitude and though it was selfish, I knew that the only way to keep him around me was to avoid his proposal for as long as I could. Soon though, I would either have to deny or accept. I would have to deny him and have him leave my side forever, or i would have to accept and be sated with... what little I felt for him. Perhaps true love did not exist? Love that shone so bright that you were blinded to anything or anyone else around you. Affection so warm that you could feel it around you even when he who had caused it had long but left... Perhaps marriage was made of simple love, understanding, companionship... friendship. Yes, it was only a matter of time before Raoul demanded an answer and I just hoped that I would be able to speak to Erik before that time came.

Il Muto continued and after a week or so, I was the Pageboy once more and La Carlotta was returned to her throne... and her dressing room. I did not know any other way of getting to Erik's home and soon realized that I would either have to break in to La Carlotta's room or put my pride and embarrassment aside and make the time to speak to Madame Giry.

"Christine... I do not wish to interfere in your affairs. I most certainly do not wish to interfere in his and you would do well to be just as cautious..."

"But you do know a way in, do you not? Erik told me that you visited him..."

"He did..?"

"Yes." I smiled, thinking back fondly on the memory and how he and I had laughed... "So, you must help me. I have to see him, Madame." Madame Giry sighed and took my hand.

"As much as this may hurt you, Christine... if you have not heard from him, it is because he has intentionally kept away. Often, he goes missing for months at a time... sometimes years. I have not heard from him in weeks and after what you described, I don't know that he will be open to visitors. I know you think that you know him but do not forget who he is..."

"I know who he is; he would not hurt me, Madame. He would not hurt either of us..."

She took my hands in her own as we sat together on her divan.

"I don't know... I don't know what to do. I know that you wish to see him but... It is not safe. Even with the correct guidance you could find yourself in danger."

"He wouldn't..."

"Not him, my child. He has various traps set throughout the passages leading to his home."

"Oh..." I said in disappointment. He really didn't want any visitors... None at all. I looked down at my hands and as they had done so many times over the past weeks, my eyes began to fill with tears.

After a moment of silence, Madame Giry spoke.

"Alright." She said. I looked up at her in disbelief.

"What?"

"I will tell you where to go. I cannot bear to see you in such despair..."

"Thank you Madame!" I embraced her. "Thank you!"

"But are you sure that you want to? Really want to? After... what you know about him?"

"Yes. I have to see him." I said. Thoughts crossed my mind about how Madame Giry had not been surprised upon discovering Erik's confession, but i decided not to voice them. Exactly how much did she know about him? And why had she not told me? I pushed the nagging questions to the back of my mind. All i could think about was seeing him and for the first time in weeks, i could not stop smiling. Madame Giry sighed and worry flashed across her eyes. But finally she had resigned herself to the fact that she could not convince me otherwise.

"It will be dangerous!" She warned.

"I will be safe." I reassured her.

"Alright... Alright... Well go and get dressed before I become aware of my foolishness and change my mind. Before you leave I will give you the map he gave to me many years ago. You must pay very careful attention to each and every detail, Christine! Do you understand?"

"Yes, yes! Of course!" I answered before hastily standing up and leaving the room.

It was late at night and the Opera was deserted. I was surprised to find that Madame Giry's secret entrance to Erik's abode did not reside anywhere in her own room. It was a small door in a corridor just off the Grand Foyer; almost disguised as a pillar from one perspective until you approached it. Madame Giry embraced me tightly, wished me luck and handed me her map. I allowed myself the sensation of the rough paper stock between my fingers before donning my gloves. I smiled.

Erik had once owned this paper...

She opened the small door for me and held me gently by the shoulders.

"Take this key." She said. "This is just a service cupboard as I am sure you have noticed but it will take you where you need to go if you follow that map. Alright?" I nodded in understanding. "There is a very small trap door right at the end of this space. That key in your hand opens the lock. After that, stick to the map. Please, Christine. If nothing else. Stick to the map."

"I will" I promised after listening carefully. She embraced me once more before handing me a lamp.

Then she left. I entered the small utility space and locked the door behind me.

I smiled to myself in the darkness. I would see Erik. After weeks I would see him...

But would he want to see me?

So, i saw this mysterious door when i went to the Garnier last year. Well... it was only a fire door but it was next to what appeared to be quite a new wall put up. Modern plaster and wallpaper. I thought it was a bit strange; an area completely closed off and so, being a Phan of course my first thought was:

ERIK.

A girl can dream. So, i thought why not use it in this story? :)

Again, apologies for the delay. Please Review! Let me know what you think of this chapter. Does it work?