Chapter Eighteen

Fran was smoking a cigarette and flicking through a newspaper when I waved goodbye to her. She was 'winding down' before the drive home, she said. A long as I didn't need a ride, that was.

I assured her I had a ride home and stepped out of the back door into the shadowy parking lot.

Chris frightened me when he stepped out of the darkness.

"Shit, where did you come from?"

"I decided I should probably stay out of sight unless Ace decided to come pick you up."

I fell into step beside him and we walked in tense silence for a few moments.

"I don't get it, Nina. I don't get how he can let you walk home late at night when he has a car and is probably sitting on his ass right now."

"I can take care of myself," I told him with a shrug.

"I know." He nodded. "But you shouldn't have to. And you don't have to. I'm right here and if you ever need me to walk you home, I' will."

I didn't answer. I didn't really know what to say to be honest. I had been thinking about his words for the remainder of my shift. 'Because I knew you felt it too… can't get you off my mind…What you could have with me is real.'

It all seemed like it couldn't be true. Me and Chris Chambers?

"Gordie would never believe this."

He glanced sideways at me over the collar of his jacket.

"Gordie doesn't have to believe it. Nobody does except you."

I kept my eyes to my feet, watching our sneakers hit the ground in unison, letting the sound of our feet echo into the night.

"You're not saying much," he offered cautiously.

I shrugged again, feeling in the pit of my stomach that this was almost cheating, talking like he was, listening and allowing it like I was. I tried to imagine how I would feel if Ace was talking to a girl like this. It wasn't right.

"I'm not the kind of girl to cheat," I mumbled.

He stopped in his tracks, put out an arm to stop me too and took my shoulders in his hands.

"That is not what I want. I'm just asking you to ask yourself why you're with Ace. And why it is that we keep ending up like this together? I don't want to fool around with you and I'm not asking you to cheat."

"But you are," I said to him. "Every time you touch me." I stepped away. "Every time you look at me like that."

He stepped forward and slid his arms around me. He was so warm in the brisk night air and I felt myself melt as I smelled the familiar scent of him.

"I cant help it," he said, as he looked down at me. "I know it's wrong but I just want to be with you. I'm not fooling around, Nina If you finish with Ace, it could just be us. No hiding, no cheating…just you and me."

I started to shake and I could hear the uneven tone to my breathing. His hands slid up my back, under my hair and caressed the back of my neck. He bent his head and brushed my lips softly before kissing me again, this time more deeply, his tongue slowly finding it's way into my mouth. It was nothing like Ace's rough and urgent kisses. The butterflies in my stomach sent chills through me and my knees buckled slightly but I couldn't let myself enjoy it completely.

"I can't do this…" I broke away, gasping with the difficulty of having to do it.

"Why not?" His voice was hoarse as one hand gently stroked my cheek, the other wrapped firmly around my waist.

"Because…because Ace looks after me."

The hurt and bewildered look on his face made me hate myself.

"And how does he look after you exactly?" His hands dropped to his side as his eyes bore into me.
"From what I've seen, he doesn't seem to give a shit about you."

"Don't say that!" I cried. "You don't know him like I do!"

"So tell me." He took a step backwards, his eyes narrowed. "Tell me how he looks after you."

"Well, he…he lets me stay at his place. And, and he gives me a ride to school sometimes. He buys me dinner when we're out. And…and-"

"And?" Chris echoed sarcastically. I was reminded of the rude sardonic Chris who I fought over Gordie with in the not so distant past.

"And he protected me from Stan. He got arrested for me."

Chris gave me an incredulous look.

"That's it? That's why you think he cares about you?"

"Why else would he do it?"

Chris snorted in disgust.

"I don't know, Nina, okay? I'm not gonna pretend for one second that I know what goes on in Ace's warped little mind. But I do know that 'letting you stay over' 'buying you dinner' and 'giving you a ride sometimes' is just stuff. So he has his own place, a bit of dishonest cash and a car. That's not a reason to stay with somebody. And as for beating up Stan? He has beat the tar out of somebody every day since he could raise his fists and if you think-"

I didn't let him finish.

"Are you saying I'm a gold digger? That I'm with him because he has his own place and a car?"

"You said it, not me."

I gave him a hard shove.

"Go to hell, Chambers! What makes you think you're so much better than him? Or better than me for that matter? You're always so damn self righteous, so moralistic but what do you call this, huh? Trying to get with another guy's girl? You're no better than Ace is!"

He didn't respond to me shoving him. When I had shoved Ace like that in the past, I had braced myself for his temper, seen him clench his fists. But the angrier I got, the calmer Chris became.

"You know what, you're right. Kissing you was wrong. Both times. But I gotta be honest. I need you to know how I feel. Nina, I have never felt like this before. Not with anyone."

"Exactly. You've never had a proper girlfriend. You don't know what a real relationship looks like." I was tearful now, my voice barely choking back a sob.

He cocked his head sideways.

"Yeah, maybe. But I know what you and me would look like. I know that I would never let you walk home in the dark. I know that I'd work my fingers to the bone to buy you dinner. And I know that I'd be happy living in a tent as long as I got to wake up next to you."

They were the kind of words that every girl wanted to hear. And I wondered if he knew this. Chris Chambers didn't have a reputation as a ladies man for no reason.

"Do me a favour, huh, Nina? Next time you and Ace are together, next time he ignores you, brushes you off, or yells at you- think about me, about what I've said and how you don't have to put up with his shit anymore. I'm here and I care about you."

"Just go home, Chambers." I turned away and started walking off into the distance. A couple of seconds later I heard his footsteps behind me as he followed me up the street.

"Would you go away?"

"If you want me to leave you alone I will, but I'm walking you home first."

"Suit yourself." I walked at a faster pace, irritated and hurt at what he had said about Ace's feelings for me. But Chris followed me- silently, patiently, without asking for any gratitude.

888

"So has Ace pissed you off again or did you really, really miss me?"

When I woke up, Gordie was at the foot of his bed, bag on his shoulder and a smirk on his face. I was so pleased to see him I almost leapt out of bed and threw myself at him so hard he dropped his bag.

"Christ, Willis. It's been a week not a year." He hugged me back briefly before withdrawing and giving me a look of concern. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's fine." I lied. "How was writing camp?"

"So cool." Gordie sat down on the end of the bed and beamed. "I met some really cool guys there and my teachers, wow. I mean, this guy Andy was published at fourteen years old. Fourteen! I read his first book when I was there and it just blew me away." Gordie began to chatter on about the camp while I zoned out and thought about yesterday.

Chris had basically asked me to be with him. He wanted me to dump Ace so he and I could what? Sail off into the sunset? He was crazy.

"Hello? Earth to Nina? How was the dance?"

Gordie was waving a hand in front of my face and I snapped out of my thoughts.

"Uh-yeah, it was cool. I had a chat with Violet. She was pining over you in your absence."

Gordie grinned wolfishly.

"She was, huh?"

"Yep." I thought back to Violet's comment about me and Chris and how she would keep what she thought about us quiet. "She's pretty okay, I guess."

"She's more than okay," he said. "Hurry it up, get dressed. The school bus leaves in twenty minutes."

"It does?" I glanced at his radio alarm clock in shock before I began to rummage around for clean clothes.

We just about made the bus and boy, was I glad Gordie was back home. Having him beside me made me feel less alone. I waved at Annabelle as we sat down and motioned for her to come and sit with us but she blushed and shook her head. She was ridiculously shy around boys for some reason.

Gordie was leaning to peer out of the window at Chris' stop while I pretended not to notice when Chris boarded. I saw him hesitate when he saw me and Gordie at the rear of the bus but he walked towards us anyhow.

"Hey, Lachance. How was it, man?" Chris and Gordie shook hands and then Chris sat himself down in the seat in front, swivelling so he could look at us both.

"So boss, man." Gordie said. "I've decided I'm gonna start writing a novel. My teacher, Andy, he was finishing his second novel at my age."

"That's really cool," Chris said.

"Uh-huh. So, c'mon, give me the details about you and Lucy Rowe." Gordie grinned wickedly at him. "How far did you get, man? Second base? Third?"

I literally felt like i was gonna vomit on my shoes. Chris looked uncomfortable.

"I don't like to kiss and tell," he said awkwardly while Gordie gaped.

"You're not even gonna tell me? What's that about? You really like Lucy, huh?"

As much as Gordie Lachance was my best friend in the whole world, I wanted to punch him right in his big mouth right about then.

"Naw, she's not my type." Chris said. My eyes flickered to his and he held my gaze for a good couple of seconds before looking back at Gordie. Gordie didn't miss a trick as he looked between us.

"Uh-oh. What happened? Did you two get in another fight? I thought we'd called a truce here."

My tongue felt stuck to the roof of my mouth. I couldn't even bring myself to lie and I felt the skin on my hands grow clammy as the seconds passed in silence.

"Well, big mouth Willis here said something about Lucy's dress," Chris said suddenly. "They got into it, I saw a side to Lucy that wasn't all that attractive."
I shot Chris a grateful look. I knew he hated to lie but he had, for me.

"Oh, damn. Nina put a cramp in your action plan," Gordie snickered. "How pissed are you?"

Chris shrugged, keeping his eyes on Gordie.

"I'm not pissed. Everything happens for a reason."

His words shuddered through me but Gordie's natural good mood helped to ease the tension between us.

"Well, it sure is good to be sitting with you both at the same time," Gordie mused. "What happened with Ace? Did he just give up on the whole stupid pool deal thing?"

"Nah." Chris shrugged casually. "He's still pissed. But he made a few smug comments at Irby's one day. I offered him a rematch and I won. So now he can't say shit."

There was only one word that came into my mind as I listened to Chris talk. Treacherous. Not only was I betraying Ace but I was lying to Gordie and I hated it. I stayed quiet as the two of them bantered back and forth for the remainder of the bus journey.

At school, when we stepped down from the bus, Gordie elbowed me.

"Guys, there's Violet. I"ll catch up, okay?"

And before either of us could answer, Gordie was gone.

We stood watching him stride across the lawn to where Violet was talking to one of her friends. Her face lit up as she saw him approach and as her friend drifted away, he reached inside his bag and gave her something.

"Son of a bitch didn't bring us back a present," Chris quipped but instead of laughing, I just watched them silently. They both looked so happy to see each other. Ace and I never looked like that. We had't even looked like that at the beginning.

"I hate lying to him," I murmured.

"As soon as we got something to lie about, I'll tell him," Chris answered. "But what is there worth telling? We like each other but you'll never leave Ace."

The butterflies in my stomach started soaring again. I didn't know if they were down to nerves or excitement.

"Who in the hell said I like you?" I scoffed, starting for the school entrance.

"You did." He fell into step beside me, a small smile creeping across his face. "Not in words but I know you do."

"Bullshit, Chambers. You live in a dream world."

He laughed and walked ahead of me, only pausing to call over his shoulder.

"So how come you're blushing, huh?"

I shoved my hands into the pocket of my jacket and muttered to myself as I followed him into the school.

888

"You wanna camp out this weekend?"

Gordie's question caught me off guard. I glanced up from my math book and raised an eyebrow.

"Why would we wanna do that? You said your parents are away this weekend."

The irony of it wasn't lost on either of us. Gordie had been away from home for a whole week and his parents had greeted him on his return by saying they were going to visit Gordie's great aunt Maude in Salem.

But that meant I was free to roam the whole Lachance house, that I could have Gordie's bed to myself- he would sleep in his parents room- and we could take all round advantage of them being away. We could watch television, eat popcorn, cry with laughter at the tops of our voices if we felt like it.

"I wanna spend some time with Violet," Gordie said.

"Well, invite her over, Romeo. I can make myself scarce if you want me to."

"Violet's not that kind of girl. If I invite her over while my parents are away, it seems like I'm trying to get her into her pants, you know? "

"You're not?" I said sarcastically.

"No, I'm not!" Gordie snapped, then as an afterthought. "Well, I'm not saying I'd say no, but-"

I threw back my head in exasperation.

"Can't we go camping next week, Gordie? I haven't seen you in forever. I thought we could hang out this weekend."

"Come on, Nina! Just do this one thing for me. Do I ever ask anything of you, huh? Do I?"

I thought back to the dance tickets he'd sprung for, the tears he'd mopped up, the ungrudging sharing of his bed and personal space.

I looked at him glumly, resigned to my fate.

"Camping huh? That's not gonna be as obvious as inviting her over when your folks are away?"

"No. I mean if I say we're going camping and invite her along- kinda like a group activity- then its more casual, less forced. And she can tell her folks she's over at your place…just kinda makes sense."

"Group activity, huh? And who else is coming on this camping trip?"

I knew the answer before he even said it.

"Who else? Chris, of course."

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