Chapter 49
The light and not bad feeling of the barbecue is flushed from his body when he sees the Karasuno bus. He should have expected it and a little part of him did, it just didn't feel real until he saw his transport back to Miyagi. There was something inside of him that he couldn't quite explain and the weight of all that something in his stomach irritated him. Hinata wished he knew more words.
Saying goodbye was taking longer than it should, but he didn't want it to end. Bokuto-san smiled down at him, blocking out the sun that had been glaring at him from its perch in the sky. Rough pats on his shoulder followed that smile, a laugh followed that, then Bokuto-san was matching his height and then he felt warm. It was an odd sensation -being this warm- different than summer heat or the kind that built up after hours in a gym. It was nice, but made him uncomfortable because Bokuto-san was holding him in front of people, without an explanation. He wasn't crying. He wasn't breaking down or screaming.
"You're gonna be an ace, Shouyou, I can feel it." Bokuto-san squeezed him, possibly crushing something but the older boy's words struck true, elevated him because Bokuto-san wouldn't lie to him after holding him in a dirty bathroom for who knows how long.
Akaashi-san approached next, face plain and neutral, serious but in a serious way. "Good bye, Shouyou-san." A small bow that Shouyou replicates.
"Good bye, Akaashi-san." He says in the same tone.
Akaashi-san smiles, retreating with Bokuto-san to a cloud of grey and black jerseys.
Kenma approaches next, with Lev and Kuroo behind him. Shouyou's heart tenses.
"Shouyou," Kenma mumbles, golden gaze locking onto him. He stares back into a vortex of quivering emotion that he can't quite explain; somehow, he doubts that Kenma would be able to either. The older boy grabs him instead of using more words, slides long fingers over his spine until his back goes slack and his forehead meets Kenma's shoulder.
"Shouyou." Kenma says, clearer but more quietly. "Don't be scared." Still quiet but full of confidence, the strange quiet type that Kenma has a lot of. "I'll protect you." Shouyou believes it. Has to believe it. Kenma's neck twitches under his forehead, then another piece of warm is pressed into his cheek. "I love you." Even quieter, but somehow can still shatter him and then put him back together. The older boy pulls back before he's able to echo his feelings or say anything at all.
"See you soon." There's an odd sense of not good, in Kenma's tone, but Shouyou is still happy to see Kenma again. The older boy backs further away and his view of Kenma is blocked by Kuroo's towering physique. Shouyou swallows. "Soon." Kuroo says once Shouyou is able to meet his eye. A crooked smile follows, then Kuroo is walking away. He thinks he might be sick, but manages to swallows it down with a deep breath as Lev clambers up to him.
"Shouyou!" The too-tall boy sings, "I'm gonna be better than you one day!" Lev twists to walk away, catching up with Kenma and Kuroo before stopping and yelling over his shoulder, "Bye bye!" Shouyou isn't sure what to think of Lev still. Though, he does have more important things to focus on, or rather his brain won't let him focus on anything else. Just the countdown, just this sense of doom that follows him around and blocks out anything good.
"Oi!" Someone shouts, accompanied by the spluttering of the bus behind him. "Let's go!" Ukai's voice shouts from even closer.
He's not sure why he's nervous about getting on the bus, aside from the Tooru is going to hate me eventuality. Shouyou climbs up the steep steps of the bus, but is stopped from proceeding further by a thick, twitching arm blocking the walk way. The arm belongs to Coach Ukai. "Good games, brat." Maybe what could be possibly a smile quivers Ukai's lip, and the barricade of flesh is removed, allowing him to proceed further into the bus. Shouyou thinks, perhaps, maybe, that he knew why he didn't want to be on the bus. The team bus, where the team would be riding until they got back to Miyagi. He's pretty sure that his brain is smarter than he is, or something.
His pace is slow enough that Kageyama's head comes into view almost serenely, first a mound of black that curves down slowly into a wrinkled forehead. There's a glare set into Kageyama's eyes, it is not directed towards him and Shouyou can only tell it's there by the reflection in the window. Unfortunately, or Shouyou thinks it to be unfortunate, because sitting someone that hates him would seem very unfortunate, the only empty seat on the bus is next to Kageyama.
That is, of course, until Tanaka calls his name as he's about to sit down next to the glaring setter. He's pretty sure the air around Kageyama is colder, though it might be his imagination. Shouyou isn't certain. Tanaka waves him over, half smiling half- Shouyou, again, is not certain. It feels like a mercy when he's squished between the wall and Nishinoya-senpai. The metal wall of the bus is somehow warmer than it felt to be so close to Kageyama. Perhaps, though, equally as uncomfortable as his ribs grind against Nishinoya-senpai's as the bus bounces into motion. The older boy is warm though, quiet. In fact, the whole bus is quiet. Which is strange, he thinks, even considering that Tanaka is almost right next to him.
Shouyou lifts himself up, stretching his back and spine to look over the top of the seat, only to find the lolling heads and not much else. The bus hadn't been moving for an entire kilometer and everyone was already sleeping. Or dead, his brain adds grimly. Though that's partially proved to be untrue, at least for Nishinoya-senpai, who is leaning further and further into his personal space with each passing second. The older boy is unnaturally warm. He finds it nice. Comforting with all the turmoil in his life. Weird and strange also, for two boys to be cuddling in the back of the bus. With one of them asleep. He embraces the strange more than he should, letting Nishinoya-senpai melt against him and breathe a little too loudly into his neck. Shouyou focuses on the warmth instead how moist Nishinoya-senpai's breath is.
It lulls him to an easy rest. His eyes are closed but his mind is alive enough to register the bouncing of the bus, the mumbles of sleep talk. Eventually, that too fades from the things he is able to detect. Shouyou is left with nothing but simple darkness as he rests.
The rest ceases abruptly with a particularly hard dip in the road, as if the pavement itself were warning him about the dangers of being in Miyagi. His skin is warm but everything inside is cold as he jerks away. Something - Nishinoya-senpai, he remembers after a hard gasp - grumbles into his neck, sounding like a wild animal. Upon further inspection, his brain forcing him to visually confirm that it was in fact not a wild animal that had replaced the cuddling libero, he was able to recognize the limping form of Nishinoya-senpai's hair and not much else.
He shudders at the thought of a feral wolf with hair gel taking place on top of him.
Coach Ukai stands as the bus stutters to a stop. Shouyou finds it safe to assume they've finally returned to Karasuno. There's a brief moment where Coach Ukai just stands there, watching the different faces of their team until they finally land on him; Coach Ukai's brows scrunch closer together and then cave in the middle, a confused look spreads spreads across his face. Shouyou, who is equally confused about the circumstances in which Nishinoya-senpai decided to use him as a pillow, just shrugs, hoping that's enough of an answer. Coach Ukai is no longer looking in his direction but towards Daichi and Suga-san's heads bob up but are quickly lowered at something Coach Ukai said.
"You boys-" He says, loud enough for everyone to hear, possibly even people outside of the bus as well, "Lost almost every game this week." The bus is quiet and still, Coach Ukai doesn't seem to notice, deciding to let his words sink in.
Shouyou feels like trash. A lot of the team's mistakes had been caused by him. His need for attention from his captain and co-captain, he was the one who had gotten Kageyama benched because Shouyou couldn't find an answer. The team was falling apart. And it was all his fault.
"Be that as it may," Coach Ukai begins, "There are more important things than winning or losing. Being part of a team. A team accomplishes what an individual cannot. Think of a wall." Shouyou can only imagine the iron wall, which is probably not what Coach Ukai is referring to. "One person may be able to climb the wall, no matter how steep. That's great for that guy. That guy might think he is weighed down by his team because they can't climb the wall too. That's bull- crap. Someone who can climb the wall should help others climb that wall with them. Offer them a hand. Take the hand offered. That's the uh, the best way to be a great team." Coach Ukai looks away, coughing into his fist.
"That's all. You can uh, leave."
Shouyou takes a minute, contemplating the coach's words, then gathers his duffle bug and stands along with Tanaka and Nishinoya-senpai.
"Offer them a hand." He mumbles to himself, as he steps off the bus, into moonlight and warms winds. The rest of the team is standing around the bus, close together but not speaking. Daichi glances at him, somewhat smiles then pats him on the shoulder. He's not really sure what to make of the entire team's silence. They all seem to be deep in thought, most likely pondering their countless losses and the words of their coach.
There's another long moment of the team just standing around, staring at the moon and stars, pondering. Shouyou joins them, scared to jump too deeply into his thoughts but feeling disrespectful for not taking his coach's advice to a greater length as the others seem to be doing.
They eventually part ways.
Shouyou walks alone for once.
Wind brushes against his face as he forces his lethargic limbs towards the edge of town, towards the bus stop. His heart beats fast and his gaze whips back and forth as he ventures through the dimly lit streets of Miyagi. It's unsettling, how quickly and how dense the sense of paranoia can swim into his brain. His spine shivers with every sound that doesn't come from him and he tries to move even faster without breaking into a full sprint. Nearby murderers are more likely to notice him if he runs, or he's pretty sure they will anyway. Although, they wouldn't be able to catch him if he was already running. Unless he ran into them.
"Shouyou!" From behind him.
Shouyou screams. Almost runs away but is rooted with something akin to fear. His hesitation betrays him as something cold and solid lands on his shoulder.
He screams again. The chill on his shoulder keeps him from launching himself away.
Is it Grand King? Had he been waiting here this whole time, following him until he was sure he was alone?
Was it aliens looking to abduct and harvest his organs and sell them to other aliens?
Had Kuroo gotten onto their bus and decided to-
Mine, mine, mine.
"You're going to wake someone." Shouyou swallows, embarrassed for being rude and horrified at whoever is stopping him. It cripples him but makes his heart race. "Shouyou?" The voice asks, strangely soft and not like Toru or Kuroo. His body twists, something out of his command. Dark hair. Glasses. Not Kuroo and not Toru. Shouyou sighs heavily, relief and anxiety spilling out.
"Shouyou?" Kiyoko-san asks, still soft. Still not Grand King.
"Sorry." He mumbles, shrinking in on himself as his heart slows and body cools.
"Wa- I uh, I didn't mean to scare you." Kiyoko-san says, sounding embarrassed. She shrinks too, he notices, though he's not sure why.
Shouyou is pretty sure that's his fault too. His face burns and his stomach sinks. "Sorry." He says again, quietly.
"We should go. To the bus stop, I mean." Shouyou nods, letting Kiyoko lead.
The walk to the bus stop is somewhat less terrifying with company. Though, he's not entirely sure what he would do if a murderer showed up. He couldn't protect Kiyoko-san if he froze up with fear, and he'd die of guilt if he just left her. He thinks of that man again. Remembers biting into his flesh and making Kiyoko-san run away with him. Shouyou isn't sure he could ever do something like that again, protect someone that is. He wants to try, but if someone calling his name from the dark in somewhere as safe as Miyagi made him freeze up, how could he ever-
"The bus should be here soon." Kiyoko-san says, pulling him from his thoughts. Shouyou blinks, observes their new location: already at the bus stop. He sits down when Kiyoko-san does. Close, but not too close. Though he's not sure how close is too close when it comes to girls. Natsu always-
He scoots away, that sinking in his stomach spreads to his heart. He misses his sister. His mother.
Shouyou tilts his head away before wiping at his face with his sleeve. Begging to nobody that Kiyoko-san doesn't see anything.
The arrival of the bus startles him more than it probably should. Kiyoko-san stands, boards the bus and he follows her, keeping his head down. They sit next to each other, like usual. Kiyoko-san pulls out a book; he can hear the pages turning, slowly but the only thing that resembles time passing. Shouyou stares at the floor.
"Are you happy, Hinata-kun?" Kiyoko-san asks suddenly, turning a page.
He takes a moment to gather his thoughts, "Na-What- what do you mean, Kiyoko-san?" He asks, confused and unsure. Kiyoko-san usually doesn't ask questions like that, or maybe she does and he's only now seeing this part of her. Or maybe she's been replaced by a look alike that is trying to get inside of his head.
"It's just a question, Shouyou." She explains, sounding quiet and passive. Shouyou isn't sure what to make of that answer. A question, he thinks can mean a lot of things. His mother used to ask a lot of questions, now he doesn't have a home. Doesn't have a sister. He swallows down a lot of emotion, and saliva, the sound is quite noticeable, even to him, on the dim, quiet bus. The engine rumbles loudly as if to prove his every thought wrong. There is, of course, an answer to Kiyoko-san's question, obviously, he adds to himself. Shouyou just isn't sure what the answer is. Yes, would be his best bet, Kiyoko-san would drop suspicion and probably wouldn't ask questions. No, would be closer to the truth, but Kiyoko-san could follow up that question with the obvious why? Which leaves him with the third option, being I don't know. That would, probably, draw the most suspicion, he thinks, maybe. He still doesn't have a grip on Kiyoko-san, she's very, very different than most of the girls he talks to. Would she question him? Ban him from the bus? He's just not sure. It's becoming quite common, he realizes, being unsure that is.
"Are you happy?" He asks, ignoring all of the three options he actually considered in favor of this one, though he's not sure why that is. Kiyoko-san turns the page, he watches her stare at the page. Her face twitches, squirms more like it. "I'm- I don't remember what being happy is like, Shouyou." He swallows. He feels the same way and hopes that nodding is the best way to express that. The bus stops, rumbles loudly over whatever Kiyoko-san is saying.
He follows her off the bus, taking in the same air that feels different without Daichi and the others. Shouyou isn't quite sure how breathing can feel different when certain people aren't there, he's pretty sure that's one of the mysteries in life that he'll solve when he's older. Or maybe Kenma could answer it. The thought of the older boy makes him feel a little smaller, almost alone in the dark, walking to a place that will only have a relic of Kenma to hold him through the night. Shouyou cringes at his own mushiness.
Kiyoko-san lingers outside the door to apartment and Shouyou stops himself from walking into her, but only by half a step. She stares down at him, the gaze is intense and odd, he finds himself unable to meet it and he stares at her shoulder, into the darkness of her jacket.
"Shouyou..." She says, after too long. Kiyoko-san swallows loudly and Shouyou finds himself doing the same. "Uh, good night." It comes out like a whisper, it makes him shiver.
He watches her pull a key from her pocket and shove it into the door. "See you tomorrow." He chirps quietly. Kiyoko-san hums quietly, not dissimilar to the kind Kenma makes. Shouyou stands outside of her door until it closes and the locks click back into place, which he supposes might be a bit creepy. He ponders how creepy Kiyoko-san might find it on the way back to Sako's apartment, which he finds unlocked. That he, is pretty sure, should be considered creepy, but finds it to be oddly normal; a sign of how much Sako trusts him, maybe. Or perhaps, how much she cares for Natsu that she doesn't care about her own home, which Shouyou finds to be relieving, if nothing else.
Walking into the apartment filled him with warmth, the stillness of the small room a stark contrast to the open darkness of the walk with Kiyoko-san, but equally as quiet. Everything in the small living room was off, the only source of light coming from the small hallway leading to the bathroom, kitchen, and Sako's bedroom. He's pretty sure that Sako should be home today, and it was already past Natsu's bedtime. Unless that changed, things do change after all. Like him no longer being there. Like Yuukio no longer being there. His mother no longer loving either of them. He supposed that Sako could be asleep already, though she wasn't snoring. Which is something that he comes to associate with her, something fond in his aunt that he barely knows.
Instead of focusing on the bad, he does the opposite, pulling his phone out of his gym bag and sending Kenma a text. Or, he was going to, until he noticed a few notifications from Grand King. Shouyou's heart and lungs seize up in unison, constricting his breathing. He watches as his thumb navigates to the notifications, to the messages from Tooru. The way in which he processes the texts is bizarre, even to him, reading them on autopilot and feeling nothing, not even fear, his normal reaction to anything related to Grand King.
Shou-chan~
How did the training go? I heard there was barbecue.
I miss my Shou-chan, do you miss me too?
Those three messages, creepy as they were, were nothing in comparison to what came after that. A picture message. He was able to count his heartbeats while the image loaded, it was too quiet in Sako's apartment for his tastes and he was getting kind of- it was a picture of him. Under the yellow glow of street lights, him and Kiyoko-san walking towards the bus stop. He drops onto the couch, into the soft embrace of Kenma's jacket and drops the phone onto the floor without a second thought. His heart races as darkness of the living room. Grand King had followed him to Miyagi, had been waiting for him and knew about the training camp. He couldn't help but wonder what else Tooru knew, if hew knew what Kuroo had done, what Kenma had been planning. His throat clenched and a disgusting sob came out before he could help it. Shouyou curled up into fabric of Kenma's jacket and cried. The weight of tears sliding down his cheeks was almost unfamiliar, like it had been so long since he had cried, though he was certain that it couldn't have been more than a week with the way his life was going.
His head hurt. Shouyou had been half-dreaming, remembering things, fear spiking through his memories and into his heart. Tooru. Kuroo. Both of them together. His imagination twisting scenarios of them together. He'd been paralyzed until the sound of thunder shot through the darkness, pulling him into consciousness. Thunder, again, louder than before. He was frozen in place by the sound, terrible and booming, pulsing from his heart pushing into his ears. He covered them with his hands, trying to push the storm out of his awareness. His head was spinning. Shouyou opened his eyes just in time to see a shadow casting a silhouette over the window behind Sako's couch. He thinks of Grand King, the picture the older boy had sent him, asking if he was missed. Mine. Mine. Mine. He swallows down any noise he wants to make, stiffens on the couch and refuses to move. There was another booming. He had assumed the boom to be thunder, but it sounded more like knocking.
Grand King wanted into Sako's apartment. Grand King knew where he was, where Sako lived. That, he supposed, could be why the door was unlocked. What if he captured her, stole her key. or... The thunderous knocking happened again. He hopes that it didn't wake Sako, if she was even here.
He tries to box up his fear, push it aside. The knocking wasn't going to go away, and Grand King wasn't going to leave, either. Wrapping Kenma's jacket over his shoulders, he sits up, putting his feet onto the floor and bracing himself. Moving to the door silently was easy with the knocking as loud as it was. It only takes him a few steps to make it to the door, but each attempt to move his feet feels like trying to tug cement with his knees. Shouyou freezes again, in front of the door, with his fingers around the handle. It was shaking his hand, turning it numb. He waits, takes in a deep breathe. Then turns the knob.