Remus opened his eyes with a jolt. Hs vision was worsening. Red streaks flashed across his eyes, and he was beginning to only see the brightest colors. He looked out of the window and saw the moon, cruelly staring through his curtains. Cold sweat flooded out of his pores, and his teeth chattered, His entire body was shaking violently. He tried to get up and gasped. Blood was running down his arm when he had slashed himself.
The sight of the blood made him panic. He stumbled through to the tiny kitchen and opened a drawer, holding his lit wand in trembling fingers. He rummaged clumsily for a bandage. Normally, he would have waited to fix his wounds until after the transformation, but not tonight. He was still determined not to transform. The rain and wind whipped the windows violently.
Teeth chattering, Remus wound the bandage around his arm, staunching the blood. The pain in his body was intensifying. His mind was his own still, but he could feel his muscles tensing.
His hands were now covered in warm red blood. It was still gushing…he had always had thin veins. It was embarrassing. Sirius and James had always told him not to be ashamed of who he was…of what he was…they wouldn't approve of him fighting it like this, pretending to be normal…
James and Sirius would have encouraged the transformation because it meant they could spend time together. They could keep him safe. They could bandage him up when morning came.
But James was dead, and Sirius was a murderer. And Remus…he was sitting in a dark, filthy kitchen, crying like a child.
He slid to the floor with a groan, his breathing coming now in short gasps. He still could not wrap his mind around the fact that they were dead. And what of their baby? Their child…the boy who lived.
Suddenly, Remus' back snapped back. With a scream of agony, he curled up, and fell completely to the floor. He could feel his bones expanding, poking, ripping his skin. He could feel the blood beginning to flow down his ribs where they were beginning to poke through. If he didn't transform he could die. He had to give in.
But, God he didn't want to….
His breathing shallow, Remus lay, in fetal position, his wand laying several feet away, afraid to move. The pain…MY GOD THE PAIN! And with an audible tear, one of his ribs poked through his flesh.
And he blacked out.
"How's the map coming, Sirius?" asked James one morning in the common room. Sirius grinned, and looked around nervously.
"It's almost done." He whispered. "All we need is a few more rooms and a locator charm."
"Moony's got this." Sad James. "Which reminds me…"
"What?" asked Remus, flipping through his Charms book.
"Well," said James, rubbing his chin. "I was thinking we should have nicknames, or code names or something. I mean, yeah, we could put nothing on it, but code names are cool."
"What did you have in mind?" asked Sirius.
"Well that's the thing, I don't really know yet." Said James. "Remus already has his: Moony. For obvious reasons."
"I COULD BE SERIOUSLY SIRIUS!"
"Ok, Sirius, you know that has your real name in it right?"
"Oh yeah…"
"Ok…" said James, thinking. "I've been giving this whole Animgus thing some more thought. And I think I want to be a stag."
"Like a deer?" asked Peter.
"No, like a big tough, gorgeous male deer." Said James, turning pink. "I would have horns. That would be something. I could hold Remus off if things got too serious."
"Yeah I was actually thinking about that too." Said Sirius. "I think I'm going to be a dog. They're lovable."
"Unlike you." Said James with a laugh. "We need some small animal in our party as well though. One of us has to prod the knot on the Whomping Willow so we can get into the Shrieking Shack."
They all looked at Peter.
"What?" he whined, looking worried. "I have to be something little and lame?"
"Uhm…you are small and lame, Peter." Said Sirius, smirking. "And no. You have to be the most useful of any of us, because you can get places we can't."
Peter frowned. "Like what?"
"A bird?" suggested Remus.
Sirius burst out laughing.
"Like he could get off the ground!"
"Sirius, I'm going to kill you." muttered Peter, turning pink.
"Yeah, lay off, Padfoot." Said James.
"What?" asked Sirius. "Padfoot?"
"Yeah 'cuz you're so…padfooted? As a dog?"
"That's brilliant." Said Sirius. "I'm good with Padfoot. Nice one, Jamsie."
"Ok…we're still deciding on my animal right?" asked Peter, still looking put out. "How about a rat? I can climb, run fast, and there are plenty of rats so it's not like I'd be noticed. Unlike a stag." He added with a growl. James just shrugged.
"If a rat's good for you, a rat's good for me too." He said. "Hehe you could be called 'Wormtail.'" Peter scowled.
"Fine, then" said Remus. "It's settled. James is the stag, Sirius is the dog, and Peter is the rat." He took out his quill, and took the parchment from Sirius.
"This is brilliant, mate." He said, looking at the intricate drawings of Hogwarts and all of its rooms. Every detail was perfect. Sirius had clearly put a lot of time into making the map. Line that marked every corridor spiraled elegantly across the parchment ending in finely drawn blocks that were classrooms. Hundreds of tiny staircases crawled around the entire thing, and the names…so many names.
Remus shut the map, cleared his throat, and said,
"Locomotor Locatio" And with those words, the tiny names began to move in every direction, tiny dots walking all over the castle. There in the dormitories was Frank Longbottom pacing. Dumbledore was sitting in his study. Lily Evans sat under the willow tree by the lake. Students were walking up the Grand Staircase.
"It's done." Said James with a smile.
"Not quite." Said Remus, flourishing his quill.
Dipping it in a pot of black ink, he wrote,
'Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and…'
"What's your code name, James?" asked Remus. James laughed and put his hands on his head like antlers.
"Prongs!"
"Fine." And he finished writing the names. They looked bold, heroic even.
'Are proud to present…the Marauders' Map'
"Excellent!" said James. "This is really going to work!"
"Hopefully." Aid Remus thoughtfully. "But what if someone picks it up? Someone who we don't want to read it?"
"Then we'll put a spell on it to clear. We'll just say 'Mischief Managed' and it'll wipe clean." Said Sirius. "Erm…you know how to do that, right, Moony?"
Remus smiled. "As a matter of fact, I do." And he tapped his wand once more to the paper which rippled and glowed beneath the tip.
"That should do it." He said, still frowning. "I'm just sort of paranoid about someone like Snape finding it."
A devilish light appeared in Sirius' eyes.
"Oho." He said. "I'll make sure that if Snivellus finds this, the map will know exactly what to say." And he held out his hand for the map…
Those years had passed so swiftly. The fun and adventure they had had together was all that had really sustained Remus while at school. He had watched them transform with him. He learned not to be afraid of hurting anyone. His cuts grew less severe. Everything was working well for once in his life.
And then Hogwarts was over.
And even with tops grades in all of his N.E.W.T's, Remus couldn't get a position anywhere because of what he was. He had been denied job after job, and still James and Sirius and Peter had kept contact. They had taken him in when he had nowhere to go. But things progressed downward. The cuts grew worse with no one to transform with him. He had watched James get married to Lily Evans. Learned to accept the fact that success was something he would never experience.
But they had still been there.
They had still existed.
And now, Remus Lupin lay on the floor, convulsing, feeling the dread of the transformation looming over him. He couldn't hold off any more. There was too much sadness. Too much dread. Lily….James….
Water was beginning to pour in through the windows where the pathetic, ripped curtains hung. The rain was cold, and seeping onto the floor, touching the blood that had pooled where Remus lay.
His friends were gone. Dead. Traitors. Murdered. Gone.
And with that final thought, the last Marauder closed his eyes, and shed all aspects of human thought, plunging almost gratefully into the mind that was the wolf, and could feel no such emotional pain.