Chapter Eight

Someone once said you may always know which way to go but it's always your heart that shows you the way. At one point, I had nothing to do but agree with these words. Now I am not too sure. The path I wanted was with a man I loved unconditionally. But it was my heart that took me an ocean away from him. There I left him, standing on a dock, with him only wishing I would get off the boat to be with him forever. That day, I can never take back. And to this day I see the dark water that stands between us and every day my heart tells me reasons not to jump in and swim across.

-The Paris Gazette on September 24, 1901.

The sun was high in the sky by the time Henry finally decided to step outside. The cool breeze forced the tall bare trees to dance off beat and unsteady. Nothing made a sound besides the door as Henry shut it behind him. The weather was perfect, not a cloud in sight and only small layers of snow had gathered on the ground. It was peaceful, something Henry had needed.

Over the past few days his life seemed to get very stressful, making him turn to alcohol for help. But today there was no use and he instead chose a healthier direction. He was to take a long thoughtful walk alone. Outside the wind nipped his exposed skin and chilled the rest of the body. To keep warm, he shoved his hands in his pockets and began walking. He walked off of his estate without being noticed by the maids and butlers on his front lawn; all enjoying the warmth from the sun. They were all absorbed within their own lives and gossiping about what was in today's paper. But Henry didn't care if he was seen. For once, he wanted to be invisible and alone.

Soon he was on the sidewalk beginning his journey to anywhere. He didn't have a certain place in mind; he just wanted to get out of the house and away from the people that demand actions from him every day. And today, it seemed as though the fresh air had cleared his mind of everything going on. He was calm, in a state of mind that he used to be in before his father died. Before that day, he was living a life that he wanted to lead and not someone else's fairy tale. He had everything he had ever wanted: money to keep him going, a loving family and plenty of friends, a beautiful home and to top it all off, he had the girl.

He smiled at the thought of her. During his busy week, she had only visited him in his dreams instead of his usual thoughts. Which to some people, this would be a good thing. But to him, he was still unsure how he felt about it. This meant he might finally be getting over Diana Holland and moving on with his life. Some part of him knew that he should be well out of love with her and that this was pathetic. But yet, the other part didn't care how pathetic it sounded. She was the woman of his dreams, the one he would cross seas for just be with her again. Many times he thought about jumping into the Atlantic and swimming across to the same port she docked several months ago. But she was gone. It's what she wanted; to be an ocean away from him. He had to respect that and he did. The next step was to just realize she was only a memory for she was never coming back.

Before he knew it, he was in downtown Manhattan. People were everywhere, all walking into and out of stores with bags of recently purchased items. Some were just there for something to do. It really didn't matter what they were doing because to Henry, they were all just parts of the sea nameless faces that were all doing something important to their own daily lives.

Soon minutes turned into hours that all seemed to blend together. Henry had walked most of his afternoon away but he didn't care. For once, he was at peace with himself. He felt good to just have time where he could be alone and unnoticed. The sun was about to disappear into its bed hidden in the roaring sea beyond when he finally decided to turn back. He began his was by the same stores he had passed before with his eyes fixed on the ground. He just wanted to finish his day without being recognized but of course, that could never happen.

"What are you doing out here Henry?" asked voice behind him. He stopped in his tracks at the sound of his name. He slowly lifted his head with annoyance only to meet the soft eyes of his father's widow. Isabelle appeared with a slight smile across her younger face. She was dressed in a long fur coat with a crimson skirt poking out beneath it.

"Isabelle," he called out as she walked towards him.

"Well don't seem too pleased to see me," she commented. He grinned and bowed his head.

"You never answered my question."

"Can't someone take a walk with no reason?" he asked.

"Not when you're as far away from home as you are. Mind if I join you?" He pulled his hand and offered his stepmother his arm. Her own wrapped around his with ease.

"Your cold, how long have you been out here?" she asked as they began heading towards his home.

"I seemed to have lost track of the time," he didn't give much of an answer. Together they walked in silence, making Henry retreat back into his own thoughts. He made a quick look over to the girl on his arm. She held her head high when she walked, she was proud of the woman she became. Henry admired that. She was a strong person, never once did she present a weakness in front of him or anyone else. He had only seen her fall apart once in his life and that was right after the love of her life was taken away from her. He felt a short pain at the remembrance of his father.

"How did you do it?" he asked breaking the long silence between them. Isabelle looked at him with a questioning expression.

"What do you mean?" she asked slowly down her pace.

"When my father died, how did you get through it?" he restated his question. She nodded her head in upstanding while trying to retrieve an answer. For a moment, he regretted for asking her but then she smiled as she recalled her late husband.

"It was tough at first but of course, everything is," she started to say, making sure he was listening to her.

"But after awhile, I started to realize that your father would have wanted me to move on. There was no point of me waiting around for someone who was never coming back. I still love him, but in moving on with my life I found out that I had people around me that would help me through this and one day, I could make it on my own. When that day came, I opened myself back up to love and someday it will find me again." He was satisfied with her answer and only nodded but took what she said to heart.

"You know, you and I are quite alike," she said in place of words he couldn't find.

"How so?"

"We both lost someone we loved," she explained. Henry knew that she would figure out why he asked; she always knew what he was feeling.

"I don't think they are the same," he said looking forward with an emotionless face.

"Of course there not, but I do have to say your case was far worse than my own."

"But when it comes down to it, it all hurts the same."

"That may be true, but I believe it is much harder to get over someone who left by choice." He knew she was right and for the rest of the walk they remained silent. Her words pained him, but he had to find out soon anyway.

Soon they reached the large gates of the Schroonmaker's estate where Isabella dropped Henry's arm.

"This is where I leave you," she said smiling up at him.

"Would you like to come inside?" he asked like a gentleman should. She shook her head.

"I better be getting home, it's not too far from here. I think I will just finish my walk alone."

"Are you sure? I can get you a ride."

"No thank you, I have plenty to think about and a walk will do me good." Henry nodded and bowed to his stepmother who replied with a curtsy. Their goodbyes were said and their backs turned to one another as they left each other alone. But her words still remained with him. I opened myself back up to love and someday it will find me again. He only smiled as he opened his front door. When he walked inside, he left a part of him behind in the cold winter evening. He stepped inside a new man, one that was ready to move on. Someday I will find love again, Henry thought to himself. But what he didn't know, was that day would come knocking at a door sooner rather than later.