Chapter 30

A.N Thank you to all the lovelies who keep reviewing. It really does make my day but I wish more of you would sign in so I could say thank you.

I awoke to the frantic sound of dry knuckles against an old wooden door. At first when the noise reached me, I thought it was a part of my dream- I was locked out of home and I was trying to wake my mom who had fallen asleep on the couch. She wouldn't wake. And so I knocked louder.

"Who in the fuck is that?"

It was Ace's sleepy drawl that startled me awake. I opened groggy eyes to from the armchair to see Ace crashed out on the sofa, a sea of empty beer bottles on the coffee table between us.

I had fallen asleep. Shit.

The persistent knocking went on. I put a hand to my pounding head, trying to ignore the swell of bile in my throat.

"Would you get that?"

"Ignore it. They'll go away." Ace turned away from me as if going back to sleep. But whoever it was, wasn't going away.

"Ace!" I hissed.

Ace ignored me but when the pounding from outside continued, he groaned loudly.

"Whoever that is, I'm gonna give em a fucking beating!" He dragged himself up and towards the front door. As he wrenched it open I snuggled down in the chair but my ears pricked up at the sound of a familiar voice.

"You know what the fucking time is, you little faggot?" Ace demanded.

I almost fell out of the chair in my haste to get up. As my eyes locked with Gordie's over Ace's shoulder, I saw the disappointment all over my best friend's face. And I could feel an embarrassed flush creep over mine.

"Nina, for Christ's sake, we been looking for you everywhere!"

"Well, now you've found her, you can fuck off." Ace slouched slightly, the way he usually did before he threw a punch and I hurriedly slipped into my sneakers and grabbed my damp jacket from the back of the chair.

"Come on, Gordie, let's go," I said, stepping strategically between them. "Ace, I…" I stumbled on my words, wanting to leave him some comfort but feeling uncomfortable with Gordie standing right there. Fortunately, Ace wasn't one for sentiments.

"Yeah, yeah, put it on a postcard and send it to me," he snapped. With that, he slammed the door ceremoniously in both of our faces. I looked uneasily at Gordie who shook his head in disbelief at me.

"Nina, what are you doing here?"

"He needed someone, alright? His old man is dead and he needed someone."

Gordie gave me a look that made me want to punch him myself.

"Don't look at me that way, nothing happened, alright? I was just being a friend."

Gordie twisted his features into an expression of confusion.

"Since when are you and Merrill friends?"

"Give it a rest, Lachance. What business is it of yours?"

He shrugged and pushed his hands into his jacket as we avoided the puddles.

"None particularly. But I don't think your boyfriend is gonna be too happy."

I caught Gordie's arm just as we reached the end of Ace's alley.

"You're not gonna tell Chris?"

But as we stepped down onto the sidewalk, I realised i didn't need an answer to my question. Chris was parked right outside in Mr Lachance's' Sedan. I don't think I've ever seen him look so mad.

Gordie climbed into the back seat and I nervously opened the passenger door, sitting down and reaching over to touch Chris' arm apologetically. He pulled away from me, jammed the car into drive and pulled away. And the made me mad.

"Hey, look, I was just at Ace's because of his old man. He died today. I thought Ace needed a friend."

Chris grunted something unintelligible.

"Come on, Chris. You think there's something going on or something? I was just trying to be a good person."

"Just drop it, Nina," Chris said in a low voice.

"But if you'll just listen-"

Chris slammed on the brakes, throwing both me and Gordie forward in our seats.

"I said for you to drop it, damn it!"

"Chris, take it easy, alright?" The edginess in Gordie's voice brought us both back to our senses and Chris muttered an apology before driving on. Nobody spoke another word.

"You okay to take the car back?" Chris asked Gordie the question as he was already climbing out of the driver seat. I looked up startled to see that we were on his street.

"Hey, wait a minute," i called but Chris only slammed the driver door shut. I unbuckled my seat belt and scrambled out of the car, catching him a little way up the sidewalk.

"Nina, I'm not in the mood to talk to you right now. Okay?" He wrenched his arm free of me and I felt my stomach plummet.

"Chris, nothing happened! I went over to see if he was okay, we had a few beers and I fell asleep. For God's sake, don't you trust me?"

"Trust?" Chris snapped. "You wanna talk about trust? It is four o clock in the morning, we have been looking for you for hours and every time Gordie said to go to Ace's place, I told him he was out of his mind. I didn't believe for a second you'd be in there until you came walking out of his God Damn house!"

"His father just died!" I yelled. "What the hell is the matter with you? I'm tellling you the truth!"

"Just like you told me the truth about visiting Butch Merrill at Oregon jail?"

I gasped. Then stared at him.

"How do you know about that?"

"Well, it sure wasn't from you, was it? Don't give me shit about trust, Nina. Not when you're not giving me any reason to trust you!"

"You just dont get it. The only reason I went to the jail was to protect you. I did it for you, so Ace wouldn't go looking for you."

"What are you talking about? I dont need you to damn well protect me. And what about tonight? Was grief counselling part of your deal too?" In the silence, he sighed and ran a hand across his hair. "I shouldn't have said that. It's shitty about Butch. Nobody deserves that."

"You're right, they don't!" I felt tears stinging my eyes. "You don't know what it feels like. You may think you've been dealt a shitty hand but if you woke up tomorrow and your mom or your old man or Eyeball was gone, you'd know what pain is. Ask Ace, ask Gordie. Ask me."

Chris' face looked remorseful under the glare of the car headlights.

"Nina, I'm sorry. But you lied to my face. You snuck off to Ace's behind my back and you fucking humiliated me in front of Gordie."

"Who gives a shit what Gordie thinks? And what are you? My fucking keeper? I gotta tell you where I am every second of the day?" I knew my words were bullshit, that I was hurt about my mom and guilty I had lied to him, but I couldn't stop myself.

"You know that's not true-"

"Do I? Because as far as I was concerned you were going to work tonight and now here you are, hunting me down like a damn dog!"

The remorse was replaced with anger.

"Are you kidding me? Hunting you down? I been worried fucking sick. You know what, Nina? I knew this about you. I knew before we got together that this wasn't gonna work but I couldn't stop it from happening. I knew you were gonna do this to me."

"Do what?"

"Screw up my plans. I had it all set. Get a job, make good grades, keep my head down, get off to college. Now I'm blowing money on cars so I can take you out, skipping work because you're missing, looking at shitty colleges just so we can end up together!"

The last part made my blood boil.

"Nobody asked you to buy a damn car and I'm sorry you have to lower your standards by looking at shitty colleges that your stupid girlfriend can get into! I haven't asked you for anything- not a damn fucking thing!"

And it was true. Ace had given me so little that I never expected anything from anybody. Not flowers, not dinner, not manners or anything else. Anything Chris had done for me he had done off of his own back. He had a nerve to try and pin any of it on me.

He was so angry he was shaking but I saw him reign his temper in and take a deep steadying breath.

"I'm not doing this with you," he said as evenly as he could. "It's almost morning and I have to be up for school in a couple of hours. So when you've cooled down and thought about this logically, maybe then we can talk."

"Me cooled down? If you're expecting an apology you're gonna have a hell of a wait!"

"Goodnight, Nina," Chris said. And he turned around and walked away.

888

I was a wreck the next day. The beers and the lack of sleep made me feel like hell and Gordie had to wake me three times before I hauled myself out of bed. We had to run for the bus and I almost hoped we'd miss it so we wouldn't have to see Chris. Once we'd boarded, I then prayed that Chris'd sleep in and not be at his bus stand. But of course, the golden boy Chambers was standing waiting when the bus pulled in.

I avoided looking at him as he came down the aisle towards us and I didn't say a word when he dropped into the seat in front.

"Morning," Gordie said, elbowing me sharply.

"Morning," Chris said evenly.

I looked out of the window and said nothing, his words from last night still ringing in my ears. Okay, I got that he was mad about me being at Ace's and not telling him about visiting Butch in jail. But if he thought I was dragging him down? That was an entirely different problem.

"Nina, would you grow up?" Gordie demanded. "Jesus, I'm not playing referee anymore. Say hello would ya?"

I stared stubbornly out as the houses of Castle Rock flashed by.

"It's okay, Gordie," Chris said. "If she doesn't wanna talk to me, then that's fine."

"Sure it is!" I hissed, forgetting that I was supposed to be ignoring him. "Without me weighing you down, you can blow this town entirely!"

"How can you still manage to make this all about you?" His voice stayed calm and this annoyed me more than his anger had last night.

"If you two keep this up, I'm switching seats, I swear to God!" Gordie threatened.

"You know what, Gordie? I'll move. See you in school."

I pushed past him and walked to the front of the bus. I could feel their eyes boring into my back even after I had taken my seat.

"Nina!" Gordie groaned.

But Chris didn't say a word. And neither did I.

888