Chapter Twelve
It's a chance game the world of love. You never know what is going to happen once you give away your heart. Will it shatter only in the hands of the one that you give it to? Or will it be held safely without the possibility of ever being broken? One never knows. In this game time is your best friend for it is time that tells you whether you have wasted countless days or that you have truly made the right decision.
-from the column A Women's Life on Wednesday, January 9th, 1902
"It will all be okay, nothing is going to happen. This was all just some silly mistake and in a few moments someone is going to tell me that everything is going to be all right. It was only a mix up and as soon as I walk through that door, she will be standing with her arms open wide. She is going to be okay…right?" Elizabeth opened her delegate eyes to the sound of the opening carriage door. She brought her covered hand to her forehead, trying to shake the awful thoughts away. It didn't take long before she felt a soothing breeze enter the coach. She looked outside to find not a single cloud marked up the clear blue sky. The sun was brightly shinning down upon the restless city though it offered no warmth along with its shine. Without realizing what she was doing, Elizabeth stepped outside with her head tilted towards the ground.
There she stood, in front of the house where she had spent her younger years learning to walk and talk like a lady. It crushed her to even think that the house she grew up in may soon belong to some stranger whose daughter might fumble over a word or stumble while attempting to walk with a book balanced on her head. There were so many memories behind that old wooden door that would come rushing back to her as soon she stepped inside. But each memory she treasured and today was not a day to reflect on the past. No, that was not the reason why she had returned to her childhood home. Instead there was something more meaningful inside that aging house. More than the memories that were built up inside. It was Elizabeth's mother lying in a bed where her eyes would struggle to keep open for longer than just a few minutes. Her old body would try to keep itself relaxed as pain crawled to places inside her that she never knew could feel pain. Her mother's last breath could be taken at any moment and Elizabeth was going to be there when she passed.
She didn't know how long she had been standing there, staring at her old home. Elizabeth jumped at the touch of a soft hand that landed on her shoulder. She slowly moved her gaze to see Diana standing next to her. She too was looking at the house where they shared so many memories together.
"Are you ready?" Elizabeth asked her sister in a quite tone. She watched a small hesitant smile creep across her lips as she shook her head slowly.
"Do we have a choice?" she managed to say back. Elizabeth nodded slightly. With one hand, she held a book that was once dear to her mother's heart. In the other, she took her little sister's and gave her a converting squeeze. Hand in hand, they walked up to the house together in perfect step, both wishing to see their mother standing inside like her old healthy self. But they both knew that wasn't going to happen.
As the older sister, Elizabeth felt as if it was her duty to show no fear. She was the one who was supposed to stay strong in this time of need. If Diana needed it, she was going to be the one her sister could turn to. But they both knew that strength to be fearless could only last for so long. One can only carry the burden on one's shoulders until the weight becomes too much for oneself to hold. They needed each other to get through this time of struggle. Even though they didn't want to admit it, they both knew that this will all be over soon.
It was Diana who knocked on the front door, sending a signal for someone to come and great them. While they waited, Elizabeth pulled her coat closer to her body uncomfortable, not knowing what to do with herself. Behind the door she could her light footsteps growing louder. They soon stopped and were followed by the old wooden door opening up. Elizabeth felt a burst of heat rush outside to compete with the cold. In the door way stood a small bodied girl the sisters did not recognize. She was a young and pretty girl with ruby red hair that was pulled back into a messy bun. She used her tattered apron to clean of her hands as she looked at the girls with questioning eyes.
"May I help you?" her soft voice called out shyly.
"Yes, we are here to see our mother," Elizabeth replied. The girl's eyes widened then filled with themselves with a wordless apology. She took a step to the side to let the sisters inside their old home. Once in, Elizabeth felt warmth surround her. She took a few steps in before beginning to take of her coat. She looked around as if though she had never been here before. But she found everything the same as it had been since she could remember.
"You must be Diana and Elizabeth Holland," the maid said as she shut the door behind them, "my mistress talks so much about you two."
"Cutting," Elizabeth said correcting her. The young girl nodded.
"My mistake Mrs. Cutting, may I take your coat?"
"Yes, thank you." Elizabeth handed over her long fur coat, revealing the dark blue dress that was beneath it. The red headed girl took it in her arms before motioning to the book that Elizabeth still clutched in her hand.
"And the book?" Elizabeth hesitated before handing it over to the maid. She set it on top of the coat before moving over to Diana.
"And for you Miss…"
"Holland," Diana finished her, "thanks." She laid her own coat on top of her sisters in the maid's arms.
"Miss Holland," she whispered to herself as if making sure she would remember. With that, she walked out of the room to. Before long she was back.
"Your mother is up in her room if you would like to go see her. Last time I checked on her she was sleeping but that was a while ago. I believe she will be awake by now."
"Thank you," Elizabeth said hoping to sound nicer than before, "I think we will go see her now." With that, Diana began to lead the way. They made their way up the old wooden steps that creaked with every move they made. They tried to keep it down, but it was no use. When they reached the top, a loud cough filled the hallway with its horrible sound. Elizabeth closed her eyes, knowing that nothing could prepare her for what she would soon witness. When her eyes opened she took Diana's hand. Together they made their way towards their parents' bedroom where they found the door half open.
"You need to stay you hear," Elizabeth whispered to her sister. Diana was surprised and hurt with this remark.
"I do not! I need to see her too," she said back slowly. Elizabeth looked at her with wise eyes.
"She doesn't know your back yet and we don't want to overwhelm her." With those words Diana realized her elder sister was right and stepped back into the shadows as Elizabeth pushed the door open.
"Hello?" she called out quietly just in case her mother was a sleep.
"Hello, is that my Elizabeth?" her mother's weak voice called back to her. The sheets began to stir as her sick mother tried to sit up.
"No, no, don't sit up." Elizabeth rushed to her aid, catching her head and shoulder. She slowly set her mother's head back on the fluffy pillow where her grey hair spread out across it. She could see the struggle and pain in those old sensible eyes. They were accompanied by dark bags that hung below them from the countless hours she lay awake from the sharp pain.
"Oh my dear Lizzy," her mother said, her wrinkled hand making her way to her daughter's.
"Hi mother," she said squeezing her wrinkly hand lightly to let her know that she was there.
"I am so," she paused to cough making Elizabeth's heart sink, "glad to see you."
"I am here, you just relax okay?" Her mother's cough interrupted her again.
"I have had enough relaxing to last me a life time," her mother smiled weakly. Elizabeth let out a nervous laugh, hoping that somehow it was all the relaxing she needed to get better. She watched her mother close her eyes and let out a shallow sigh, her shaking arm crossing over her body so that both hands were now on top of her daughters.
"I hate having you see me like this," she swallowed trying to control the pain that had now surfaced.
"You look more beautiful than ever," she said as she brushed away a piece of hair that fell across her mother's face.
"A daughter should never have to see their mother in such a state." Elizabeth smiled at her mother's will to stay strong.
"You need to promise me something, stay the strong woman I know you are. Stay the loving wife you are to Teddy."
"Mother don't talk like that," Elizabeth said quietly with watery eyes.
"You are going to be a wonderful mother to that little boy yours."
"Mother don't say that, you're going to be okay." She watched her mother shake her head slowly.
"I have to say it," she replied letting her body relax more than normally.
"Mother don't do this; stay awake just a while longer. And you have a visitor. Are you okay to see a visitor?" Elizabeth looked up to see Diana standing in the doorway with teary eyes.
"I don't think that is a good idea." Diana heard her mother's response, bringing her hand to cover her mouth. Elizabeth couldn't stand by and let her sister not say goodbye to their mother.
"But it is an important person, someone you really love."
"I said I am not in the mood Lizzy," her mother managed to cough out." Diana was now in tears.
"But its Di mother, Diana is here." With closed eyes, her mother moved closer to Elizabeth.
"Di is here?" she asked slowly and it a quite whisper almost no one could here.
"Yes, Diana is here and she is coming in right now." She could see her sister hesitate at the door, not knowing what to do.
"Di?" her mother called lifting her head with the little strength she had. It was silent as Diana started to make her way to her mother's side. Elizabeth let go of her mother's hand moved out of the way. She then took a seat in the chair that was a few steps behind her sister. She watched as Diana reach out to take her mother's hand.
"Hi mother," she whispered between her tears.
"Oh my sweet Diana, I am so glad to have you back." Her eyes were still closed; her eye lids too heavy for her to lift. Diana pressed her soft cheek against her mother's hand.
"I am so happy to see you too," she smiled with her own eyes closed. It was calm for awhile. Not a sound was heard excepted for the wind outside that had picked up since the sisters came inside. The sun still shinned down like everything was okay. And for just that moment hope began to set in. But hope soon faded with the sound of terribly weak cough that came from the body that lay beneath her sheets.
"I love you Di, I need you to know that."
"Mo-
"Tell me you know that?" Diana's tears became heard as she nodded her head.
"My Lizzy, I love you too." Before Elizabeth could respond, the hand Diana was holding became limp and a loud painful noise came between Diana's lips.
"Mother no! Mother please wake up please! Mother don't go, don't-," Diana's sobs filled the room that now only held two living souls. Elizabeth eyes filled with tears as she stood up to embrace her little sister. Diana fell into her arms, looking for whatever comfort she could find. The girls were close to their mother, she was always there when they needed her. It is always painful when you lose someone close and its okay to cry as long as you know they are in a better place, a place better than it ever was on earth. Elizabeth had long ago accepted this but now she needed her time to mourn along with her baby sister. Together they held each other for the loss of their loving mother.
"I know mom," Elizabeth whispered so quietly only her mother's sprit could hear.