Chapter Thirty One

Gordie had always said that Chris and me were as stubborn as each other. But that week, I think I had the edge.

An entire week had passed without either of us making the first move towards a reconciliation. My reasons for this were clear. Not only did Chris not trust me but he thought I was a burden. I had always felt that he was too good for me but I had consoled myself with the fact that he didn't think that. I didn't feel that way anymore. Chris didn't feel that way anymore.

'I knew that before we got together this wasn't gonna work but I couldn't stop it from happening.'

Every time I saw him, I could hear his words in my head, hear the disgust in his tone.

'…looking at shitty colleges just so we can end up together'.

It sounded like we were both better off going our separate ways. He'd given up trying to talk to me and in many ways it was just like it had been before we'd made friends. We shared Gordie, whoever saw him first got him first and the other person went their own way. Gordie was understandably pissed about it.

"Can you just talk to the guy for pete's sake?"

It was Friday night and I had just knocked off my shift at the Blue Point Diner.

"Would you unzip me?" I turned my back on Gordie and his comment and he sighed and unzipped my uniform before I disappeared out back to get changed. When I returned, he wasn't ready to let the subject drop.

"Nina, you were out of line."

I was heavily conscious of the fact that the Cobra's were finishing up their burgers in the far corner. Ace had been watching me all night and we seemed to have an uneasy alliance since the day of his father's death.

Although i could feel Ace's attention, he was keeping a low profile. Fran hadn't forgiven him for storming her kitchen that day and she'd already warned him if he put a toe out of line again she would ban him for life.

"Are you kidding me?" Ace had exclaimed. "It was your fucking chef that hit me!"

"Well, next time it'll be me. And I won't stop at one swing."

Ace had sized little Fran up before stepping back and holding up his hands in surrender. He didn't want to be barred from the Blue Point Diner. It was the Cobra's favourite spot barring Irby's and nobody wanted to eat at that dive.

"Would you keep your voice down?" I hissed at Gordie. "I cant believe you're taking his side."

"It's not about sides. I'm just calling it like I see it. And you lied to him."

"Is that what this is about, Gordie? You're upset because I lied to Chris? Or are you really upset because I lied to you?"

A shadow cast over his face.

"You know what, Nina? Yeah I am upset. No, fuck that, I'm damn well pissed. I have never kept a secret from you in my damn life that was mine to share and if I hadn't caught you straight out you never would have told me you were at Merrill's. Would you?"

I faltered. And with impeccable timing Ace called from the corner of the room.

"Hey, Nina, you wanna come with us to Irby's? You can bring Junior if you want."

Gordie whipped around and glared at Ace while I forced a smile and said no thanks.

"So you're talking to him after everything he's done but you're ignoring Chris? What a crock of shit." Gordie started walking to the door and I hastened to catch him up. We fell in step just outside.

"He hasn't spoken to me either, you know."

"He tried to talk to you on the bus."

"Not to apologise though. Just to keep the civil peace because that's what a gentleman is supposed to do. He doesn't want to fix it, Gordie. He thinks I'm dragging him down and he's probably right."

"You know what? He is right. You're dragging the both of you down and not because he's better than you but because he believes he can get out and you don't. You've been waiting for him to fuck you over since day one and you've brought this all on your damn self!"

"Fuck you," I hissed. "Don't look down from your ivory tower and try and tell me who I am. You have no fucking idea."

The diner door swung open just as Gordie started to reply and the two of us fell silent as the Cobras swept by us in a fog of laughter and cheap cigarettes. They filtered towards the cars in the parking lot.

"Hey, Nina, you sure you don't wanna come?" Ace was standing by his plymouth, a lit cigarette dangling from his mouth.

I looked back at Gordie whose mouth was set in a thin grim line.

"You know what? I will come. Gotta be better than hanging out here."

And with that, I turned away from Gordie and was swept off inside Ace's car.

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"I'll take your two dollars and raise you a dollar." I tossed a dollar into the centre of the peeling table and ignored the cloud of smoke that Ace blew my way.

"You're fucking bluffing," Charlie Hogan scoffed. He scanned my face and looked back at his cards. "Your hand ain't never that good."

"Funny. That's what Delia Reynolds said about you," Ace retorted.

Everybody fell about laughing and Charlie'e scowl only deepened when we turned over our cards and I had a pair of Queens.

"Next round's on me," I grinned.

We were sat at a large round table near the bar- Me, Ace, Eyeball, his latest chick- (Sara something) and Charlie Hogan. It had been strange at first, fitting back into the group, but after a couple of drinks it was like nothing had changed. In fact, I realised that I missed this- the mindless banter, the dirty jokes, the not feeling intellectually inadequate.

I guess we were about six drinks deep when Chris walked in. He made a beeline for our table while I pretended to study my cards and not see him.

"Nina, what are you doing?"

I wasn't sure where he'd come from or how long he'd been standing there.

"Playing Poker. What does it look like?"

The scene was oddly familiar. Ace pissing me off, me getting drunk and him storming in here to grab my glass and wrestle me outside. Except this was Chris, not Ace. And he didn't grab my glass or yell at me. Instead he pulled out a chair, pulling it between me and Ace who he turned his back on.

"Don't do this." His blue eyes bore into me as he sat down and put his hand over mine. I snatched it away.

"Who the fuck asked you to sit down?" Ace demanded.

Chris ignored him.

"You're better than this, Nina. You don't belong here."

"No, shit head. You don't belong here," Eyeball called.

"Mind your business, Eyeball," I snapped. I threw my cards down, knocked back my drink and leaned back in my chair, squinting at Chris with unfocused eyes.

"You know what? I've always belonged here. And that's the side of me that you pretend doesn't exist. Doesn't exactly fit your Mr Perfect impression, does it?"

I signalled at Dougie to bring me another drink.

Chris watched me with an intense stare.

"I don't like this version of you."

"What version of me? What are you talking about?"

"The aggressiveness, the drinking…" He actually looked a little disgusted. "This is what losers do when they have a problem. Get drunk off their ass and try and ignore it."

"Losers, huh? Guess that covers your opinion. Who's for another poker game?"

"Only if it's strip poker," Ace said casually. I saw Chris take a deep breath and grit his teeth as he tried to avoid the bait.

"I was not calling you a loser." Chris leaned in close to me and tried to take my arm.

"Nope, but thats what you think. That's what you'll think when you come home from college for the summer and I'm still serving burgers and fries."

"Why would you be serving burgers and fries? " Chris said steadily. "We are both going to college."

"But what if i don't?"

He took a deep, deep breath before he began to glare at me.

"You know what? Its almost like you want to stay here."

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't I? You been making decent enough grades, I think you're scared, Nina. Scared of getting out, scared of leaving these bums, scared that you might be something other than Cobra groupie trash."

As soon as I let out an involuntary gasp, he looked remorseful. But the words were out and there was no way to unsay them.

I stared at him, wide eyed, while Ace, Eyeball and Charlie Hogan simultaneously stood up.

"You wanna say that again, faggot?" Ace demanded. His hand shot out and he shoved Chris hard in the back. So hard he almost fell out of his seat. He stood up, realising turning his back on Ace after insulting him wasn't the smartest move.

"Ace, sit down. Chris, get lost." I nodded at Ace who slipped grudgingly back into his seat. I fleetingly felt surprised that he had listened to me but my attention was diverted to Chris who had moved uncertainly away from the table. On his way out, he stopped and turned before coming back towards me.

"I don't wanna fight with you, Nina. Come on, let's just go. Please?" He held out his hand which I looked at for several moments.

"Well, what if I want to stay here and get drunk? What if I don't want college and money, and a fancy life style? Does that make me not good enough for you?"

"No, it makes you not good enough for you!" Chris snapped. "You have so much damn potential and I wont hang around to watch you throw it away, damn it! You wanna stay here and be a loser, we're done, Nina. If you actually wanna make something of yourself like I do, let's leave. Now."

Something about his patronising tone struck a chord with me. He was always so superior. It took me back to a time when he always had something disparaging to say about me.

Slowly, I pushed back my seat and stood up. I saw a flicker of relief in his eyes and then walked straight past his outstretched hand and took a seat at the bar. The jeering laughter of the Cobra's was something I tried to push aside as I focused on Dougie and forced myself not to look back.

By the time I'd knocked back my next drink and glanced back over my shoulder, Chris was nowhere to be seen.

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"Wake up, Nina! Come on, damn it!"

It took me a few seconds to wake up to Gordie's voice.

"What?" I snapped irritably.

"Don't what me, asshole. It's almost midday and you damn near woke up the whole house at whatever time you got here this morning."

In all honesty, I didn't remember coming to Gordie's. Remembering our fight outside the diner, I didn't exactly feel comfortable waking up here.

"Well, Jesus, you don't have to yell." I tugged the blanket around me and tried to open my eyes. That hurt my head.

"Were you with Ace?"

"No."

"Really?"

"Well, so what if I was. I was with a whole bunch of people. It's a free country."

"I saw Chris this morning. He told me what happened last night. He's had enough of your shit and I don't fucking blame him."

I bolted upright in bed, forgetting that my head hurt as much as it did.

"So if you already knew I was with Ace, why did you fucking ask?"

"To see if you'd lie to me. Same way you been lying to him. Which you did, of course."

"I only lied to protect him and I didn't tell you the truth because it's none of your fucking business."

"You made it my business when you humiliated my friend and got him fired!"

"Chris got fired?"

Gordie winced like he'd let off a secret he shouldn't have.

"Yeah, fired. For blowing off work for you on two occasions."

"What?"

"You remember the night you stayed at Ace's?"

"Of course I remember. When was the other time?"

Gordie looked at me for a long deliberating moment.

"The night you found out your mother died."

Suddenly my headache was accompanied by a debilitating nausea.

"He never said…"

"Course, he didn't." Gordie gave me a look of contempt before he slammed out of the bedroom.

I sat there, stunned, as I remembered the day I found out my mother had died. The night Chris had come to the diner and took me to the tree house. The night he'd given me a quarter to call Gordie before using the call box himself. I remembered the frown on his face as he'd obviously been given a hard time by his boss for calling off his shift. But he hadn't said a word. He'd held my hand and he'd hugged me close, and he'd listened while I talked and cried about my mom. Then I'd fallen asleep in his arms.

Chris loved me. Really loved me. And I'd ruined everything.

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