I really don't know why I like to make the Grads suffer. If I could make myself care about Glen, Cormag and the others, I would write angst about them as well, probably. But I don't care about them :D apart from Duessel, who is awesome.

Also, Minna is an OC. I've given all of the brokings wives and Ismaire a husband. They will appear every now and then, since all I seem to write about lately are the brokings and their bro wives. Yay~

Now enjoy the sadness that is Viggy´s life.

Vigarde hadn't seen his son since his birth.

He had looked at him only once when the nurse had taken him away to clean him. And he hadn't cared about his son at that moment; Vigarde had to stay with his wife, his Minna, who fought for her life. He had sat at her bed, talking to her, comforting her, clutching at her to keep her, to keep her in the realm of the living. He had seen her wither away. He had seen how the last colour was sucked out of her already pale skin, how her cheeks shrunk and how the happiness about finally having born a living child was slowly fading away and was replaced by fear and sorrow.

And then she was gone. And the sight of his struggling and crying Minna would forever be etched into Vigarde´s mind.

Now, three days after Minna´s death, Vigarde was standing next to his son´s crib.

He stared down at the sleeping child; the tiny hands were fisted and his forehead was wrinkled. It was the first time Vigarde could bear to look at his son. He had mourned those last days. He had stayed in his bedroom and had cried. Nobody was allowed to see him; he had needed time to say farewell to the person that had been the most important in his life.

They had been so close. Vigarde had fallen in love with her almost immediately, at that spring ball so many years ago. He could still remember those earrings she had worn; his first words with her were about those earrings.

And then her miscarriage. Vigarde could still vividly remember her smile when she told him that they would have a child. Vigarde had immediately told his friends the happy news and heard that Hayden and his wife expected their first child as well. They were already planning to let them study together when they're older and hoped that they would be friends.

Then Minna´s child died before it could be born. Three months later, Vigarde let his right-hand man write the congratulation letter to Hayden; he refused to visit them.

The baby squirmed slightly. Vigarde put his hand on the crib, rocking it, and the babe grow silent again. He felt nothing when he looked at his son.

Minna and he had grown closer after the miscarriage. They had helped each other to cope with it and it made them stronger. Then Minna announced that she was pregnant again; they promised each other to not be too happy about it yet. They feared another disappointment more than anything. Both had seen what sorrow had done to the other and neither of them wanted to see it ever again. But then, when the magical border was crossed, happiness and joyful anticipation settled in both their hearts. They felt like it could work this time.

Shortly before they announced the second pregnancy, they heard that Renais would get an heir as well. Vigarde was reluctant at first to talk about the children with Fado, even in letters. Maybe the talk had been a bad omen the last time. But soon he let himself become infected by Fado´s elation. And when Minna entered the ninth month and the baby was still healthy, they dared to be openly happy. They were sure that nothing could go wrong anymore. They would finally be a family of three.

Suddenly Vigarde felt water drop on the hand lying on the crib. Startled, he looked at it and another drop of water joined it. He raised his free hand to his face; he was crying. The sudden realization woke him up and he finally noticed what his body was doing; tears were running down his sunken cheeks, his hands were shaking and sobs were pounding against his throat, demanding to be let out. "No..." he whispered and pressed his eyes close. "No!"

It was dead. Minna had cried that it should scream, that it should announce itself to the world. But it was silent, so silent that Vigarde´s ears seemed to burst. He had seen death before and he had hated the sight almost his whole life. But this... this was no comparison to those grown men who knew how they could end. The child was so tiny and looked so normal. Healthy. It should cry and squirm and flail.

But it lay motionless in the nurse´s arms.

Vigarde had almost thrown up that day. But Minna, his darling Minna, was so much more broken than him. She refused to eat for days and he already feared then that she would die. He did everything to keep her, to make her stay with him. He wanted to face this together with her again, because he couldn't do it on his own. He needed her help.

Suddenly, his knee buckled and he landed hard on the stone floor. His head fell against the edge of the crib. He pressed his hand over his mouth to muffle his sobs. But this didn't keep his son from waking up. The babe started crying.

They had pulled through. It had taken them a long time, but they did. Minna never fully recovered from her breakdown and her beautiful face kept the new greyish white colour. In the dark of the night, when he was lying next to his sleeping wife, Vigarde sometimes wondered if the Goddess had taken his child and given it to Fado. Did the Goddess want to mock him by giving his friend two children at once? Vigarde lost his faith then and never fully regained it.

The crying of the babe grated on his ears. Vigarde peeked over the edge of the crib; his son was flailing and angry tears left tiny streaks on his face.

Then Minna had become pregnant again. This pregnancy was filled with anxieties and distress; both were extremely cautious and not just because Minna´s health declined during that time. Both avoided to show any positive feelings towards the baby. And sometimes they even hid their fears from each other.

The babe didn't stop crying. "Shh." Vigarde raised a shaking hand and put it on the babe´s belly, rubbing it slightly. His son didn't stop. Carefully and reluctantly, he lifted his son out of the crib and cradled him. "Shh, be quiet." His voice was laced with sobs. "Please be quiet."

And then she had died. Her child lived and she died.

Vigarde rocked his son and while the babe´s sobs grew quiet, his became louder.

She was gone and only left him this tiny person. She, his wife, his Minna, the person he trusted the most, the person who was so close to him that it felt like she was a part of him. She was gone and he only had this alien person. A person he didn't know. A person that could never replace his Minna.

Was it really worth it? They could've been happy without a child. They didn't need a child to be happy. He would exchange this child for his Minna any time.

"Aah." With a start Vigarde opened his eyes and looked down at his son. He was looking up at Vigarde with his big blue eyes. Eyes that were so familiar. A wave of regret, guilt and self-hate washed over Vigarde.

"Her eyes..." he mumbled and caressed his son´s head with a shaking hand. "Minna´s eyes... You..." He pressed his nose in his son´s hair and sobbed loudly. He felt the babe squirm in his tight embrace.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Lyon. I'm sorry..."