Chapter Eleven

Bella

"Bella, there's something you should know, well more than one thing but this might help to explain Alice's actions, at least a little."

I could see this was difficult for him so I took one of his cold hands between mine. His eyes flew open but he didn't pull free.

"Alice found me when I was at rock bottom. I'd got away from Maria with help from Peter and Charlotte but I was lost. Being an empath made hunting humans torture for me but I knew no other way. I was trying to find a way of ending my existence when I met her. She gave me hope, a chance of a different life and I loved her for that. She was pretty, and funny, and full of life, all the things I wasn't and I fell in love with her but to my regret I never asked her about her feelings for me, or what the future held for us. I assumed she loved me in the same way. For some years after we met the Cullens she refused to marry me, she had her reasons, marriage was silly, she was too young! that we just didn't need to, we were together and that was enough. There were a million different excuses, then suddenly she changed her mind and we were married in a rush, about a year before we met you. It was only afterwards that she told me the truth, she'd seen me walk away if she refused me again and she didn't want to be alone. She also admitted she only loved me as a friend, she wasn't in love with me and never had been. But she also knew I wouldn't make it without her so until her true mate turned up I was enough."

"That must have hurt you terribly".

I squeezed his hand

"It did, all these years, all the words she'd said, all the passionate moments, they'd all been lies. The worst of it all was when she said she didn't find me desirable, never had, all those years had been make-believe, one long lie. She promised to keep me on the straight and narrow until my real mate came along and I believed her, again! Guess I'm stupid because look what happened. I attacked you and they all turned against me. So you see Bella, my life has been a disaster from the outset, one mistake after another, culminating in the ultimate cock-up when I almost killed you. Can you see why I went back to the only place I fit in, somewhere I was at least valued for what I could do?"

"I can see how you believed that, but it isn't true. Alice was the one in the wrong, not you. You didn't know, how could you? But why didn't you feel Alice's real emotions?"

"Oh she was clever. She always said I misread her because I had nothing to base a comparison on, only Maria and that was certainly a warped kind of love."

Again the urge to touch him hit me and I took one of my hands from his and touched his cheek very gently. The feel of his cool skin against my hand made me happy,, contented, and it stayed there as I thought about his confession. How could any woman not find him desirable? Alice was the crazy one, then it hit me, or was she? Had she done in fact just as she promised? Was I the catalyst for all this? The real reason for the whole calamity? I suddenly noticed that my hand had moved from his cheek to his hair. I was running mg fingers through his tangled locks and our eyes met. Oh God, what was happening to me? To us? His eyes had gone darker and I felt his breath on my face as I leaned further in, falling into his eyes as if drawn by a magnet.

Jasper

As soon as the words were out I knew Alice had kept her side of the bargain. She had kept me safe until my mate arrived, what happened then was down to us. I felt Bella's warm hand leave mine and the loss hurt until it touched my cheek and burned there. I could feel her confusion and hesitation but below these was a feeling I had longed for, the warmth of love, and this time it was coming from the woman touching me and gazing into my eyes. With Alice it had been my own love I felt, this was completely different, my love was there too, combined with hers and it lit a fire in my chest. I could see her deep in thought as her hand soothed my cheek once more before moving to my hair which she began to stroke, running her fingers through the tangles. She leaned forward so our faces were close enough for me to kiss her and I couldn't stop myself. Our lips met and the fire became an inferno. Her hands pulled me even closer and I tasted her for the first tome as her mouth opened and our tongues touched. When she pulled away breathless I tried to form words but I seemed to have lost the power of speech.

Bella

I pulled back only when my lungs threatened to collapse and took in a deep breath of clean, cool, air. It satisfied my lungs but did nothing for the rest of me. He was too far away, a few vital inches from me. From the corner of my eye I saw his arms come up and felt them wrap around me, holding me carefully and pulling me closer again. I heard my name on his lips once more and my heart started to beat, the ragged hole gone the moment our lips met.

"Bella I'm not sure this is a good idea"

"Well I am, unless of course you are acting"

I never got the chance to say more. He crushed me to him, pulling me out of the chair and onto his lap where I wound my arms around his neck not wanting this wonderful moment to end. I have no idea how long we stayed like this, moving only for me to breathe, then we heard a chuckle and reluctantly pulled apart to see Peter standing on the porch wearing a huge grin.

"Well its about time. I thought I was going to have to drop a few hints. So its Bella and The Major"

"No Peter. Its Bella and Jasper"

"Honey you can call him what you like. He'll always be The Major to me. I'm just glad you two got your act together. I take it you'll both be staying a while?"

Jasper pulled me close again,

"That sounds like a plan, what do you think darlin'?"

My brain turned to mush and my mouth forgot how to form words after hearing that last word. Unable to do more I nodded, my eyes fixed on his.

We reluctantly parted when my stomach complained but I kept his hand in mine, I wasn't taking any chances. He followed me into the kitchen which Rose and Charlotte had stocked for me. I couldn't drop his hand to cook so I made toast and coffee one-handed then sat with him on the porch to eat. This time he sat at my feet and licked the butter that ran from the hot toast onto my fingers. He was driving me crazy doing something I wouldn't have thought pleasant let alone erotic! I knew we would have to part soon and that made me sad. Noticing the change in my emotions he knelt up taking the empty plate from me so he could hold both my hands.

"What's wrong darlin'?"

I touched his face, running my fingers across the dark bruises under his eyes.

"You need to hunt"

"And that upsets you. Does it disgust you?"

He looked stricken waiting for my answer. I kissed him then attempted to smile,

"Yes it upsets me because it means you have to leave me. No, it doesn't disgust me, you have no control over what you are. It must be hell for you, thirsty and so close to your food supply."

He looked relieved.

"You never cease to amaze me Bella. how can you not be disgusted by a creature that feeds on human blood? Especially as you know there is an alternative."

"I'm not going to condemn you for that. I accept what you are and admire you even more for all the struggles you've had to endure. The Cullens didn't exactly help did they? Go hunt but don't forget to come back to me. I couldn't bear to lose you now Jasper."

He kissed me again then with a tender, " I love you" he was gone and my heart ached for his return. I had no idea how it had happened but I was in love with Jasper...Hale? I didn't even know his real name!