Chapter Thirty Four

I couldn't go to Gordie's after what I had done. I couldn't look him in the eye when I knew he would be just as disgusted with me as I was with myself.

So I went to Fran's. Fran with her endless string of gentleman callers and her outright unashamedness of this fact.

When she answered the door, I burst into tears and I was quickly shepherded into her living room and handed a cup of coffee.

"What's happened?" She put a hand on my shoulder, her eyes steady and trustworthy. "You can tell me, darlin'. It'll be okay."

I knew it would never be okay again but I told her everything anyway. About Ace wanting to kill Chris for dating me. About the deal I struck with Ace and the visit to Oregon State Penitentiary.. About Butch dying and me falling asleep at Ace's. About Chris wanting to go to college and dumping me for not leaving Irby's with him. I told Fran everything, things I hadn't told anybody and even while I knew my world was broken beyond repair, I still felt the weight of the secrets fall from my shoulders.

Fran didn't say anything when I told her I'd slept with Ace. She didn't talk at all while I poured out my feelings, instead she sat holding my hand until I'd blurted out the whole sorry mess.

When I was done, she looked at me quietly, disentangled my shaky hands from the now cold coffee cup and said:

"I think this calls for something a little stronger, don't you?"

888

On Sunday I spent the day at Fran's alone. I hadn't slept well Saturday night and after falling asleep at first light I didn't wake up until midday. Fran had left me a note to say she had gone to work but I could spend the day at hers or come up to the diner if I wanted company. She'd left me a sandwich in the refrigerator.

I watched television for most of the afternoon and at about four o clock, I went outside to sit on the front steps and take a breather. My stomach still felt in knots and as much as I didn't want to be alone, the thought of going to the Blue Point diner and facing everybody- Ace, the Cobra's, maybe Gordie, especially Chris- didn't appeal to me.

I sat with my back to the house for a good couple of hours, the sun warm on my face as it sank into the sky. I had decided a while ago I should go back inside, but the cloak of misery that hung on my shoulders somehow became too heavy for me to stand.

I was so lost in thought that I didn't even see the figure approaching. By the time I had, he was standing right in front of me.

"Hey."

"Hey?" My response was more of a question, surprise and fear all rolled into one. I couldn't listen to him tell me he hated me, or that he never wanted to see me again. Not today, it already hurt too much.

Chris' face was bruised and swollen. His t shirt was dirty and knowing him like I did, I knew he hadn't stayed at home last night. I almost opened my mouth to ask if he was okay but swallowed the words back down. Stupid question.

Chris stood for a second before he sat down on the step beside me. His thigh grazed mine barely but he didn't touch me. I wonder if that was the closest I'd ever get to feeling hi touch again. At first I felt like i was going to be sick, that I had a million words I wanted to say to him, a hundred apologies. But Chis being there, just sitting there next to me not saying anything somehow made me feel better. Chris made eveything better and while he was sat in my company, I became afraid to talk, afraid to let what be our last moments together go.

We stared out onto the dirt road outside Fran's together. We watched a couple of cars go by, we watched some kids on their bikes carrying backpacks and sleeping bags cycle past. We watched as the sun sank lower still and the breeze kicked up a fine dust from the road.

And then, finally he spoke.

"I'm sorry."

I swung my head towards him.

"What in the hell are you sorry for?"

"For pressuring you into college. For pushing you away. For telling you it was over…"

"No, I'm sorry. I should have told you I was just scared that I wouldn't be good enough. Not good enough for college, for you, for anything." My voice broke into a sob. "And I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am about-"

"Don't," he interrupted me quickly. His voice was hoarse, and his eyes glistened. "Don't say it. We both know what happened. I don't wanna hear you say it again."

"But it meant nothing." I grabbed his hand. "We can't let this finish us. You have to forgive me."

He pulled his hand away but before I could react, he wrapped his arm around me, cradling me in tightly.

"I forgive you."

Despite the overwhelming relief that flooded through me, I was confused.

"Just like that?"

"Just like that." He rested his chin on the top of my head.

"But you can't just forgive me! I slept with somebody else, with Ace of all people and I-"

He put his finger to my lips.

"Nina, if you had thought there was any chance I would forgive you, would you have gone home with Ace?"

I shook my head wordlessly.

"I hurt you. You were lost and alone and he was familiar. It won't happen again."

"Of course it won't!" I sobbed, holding on tightly to him.

"I was talking about you being lost and alone." He took my face in his calloused hands and used his thumbs to wipe my tears away. "I'll never make you doubt us again. But you have to promise there'll be no more secrets. Okay?"

"Okay." I clutched him tighter. "This has been the worst week of my life."

"Mine, too," he said. "But it's over now. Next week will be the best week."

I used my sleeve to wipe away the remnants of my tears.

"Did you mean what you said yesterday? About us making it work if I stay here?"

"Of course. I'll come back every chance I get."

"No, don't do that." I shook my head.

"Huh? Why not?" His face was puzzled, his tone laced with concern.

"Because you won't need to," I said. "I'm coming with you."

His face broke out into a beautiful grin and he grimaced as the expression hurt his swollen face.

"I love you, Christina."

It was the first time either of us had said it out loud.

"I love you too," I said, sealing it with a kiss.

888

"We're going in there." Chris' voice was soft but it was firm.

"I can't." I could feel the air leaving my lungs as we stood in the Blue point diner parking lot, watching the Cobra's fool around through the front window.

"We have to, Nina."

"Why do we have to?"

"Because number one, you work there, and number two, we are not hiding from anybody."

He held my hand tighter but I continued to shake my head.

"He'll start a fight, Chris. Or worse yet he'll provoke you until you start a fight. We need to lay low until it blows over."

"Look, Ace gets his power from other people's fear. It's your decision whether you face him but I'm going in there with or without you, although I'd prefer it if you came with me." He let go of my hand and pulled open the diner door. "So, you gonna make me go in by myself?"

I closed my eyes and tried to steady my shaking legs.

"Alright, I'm coming."

It felt like a hush fell on the room as we walked in. Chris put his arm around me and pulled me against him. It was a move for all to see and I could feel the hate emanating from Ace without even looking at him.

"Look what the cat dragged in." His voice was low and sarcastic. "Did you beg for forgiveness, Nina?"

"Just ignore him," Chris said out of the side of his mouth. Aloud, he said in a breezy tone: "Back off, Ace. We're here for burgers. We got nothing to say to you."

We swept past their table and just as I started to feel a tingle of relief, Ace spoke again.

"So you forgave her, huh, Chambers? I taught her a few new tricks, did she show you? No need to thank me, little buddy."

Despite Chris' reassurance to me, I felt his body tighten. He stood still for a couple of seconds while I willed him not to turn around and launch himself at Ace. My silent plea seemed to work and a moment later, he was guiding me into a booth seat and following me in.

"You did good," I whispered.

Chris' face was ashen.

"I want to kill him," he said from behind his menu. The menu was a shield. We both knew the diner menu inside out.

Clarissa appeared a few seconds later to take our order and after we'd ordered something to eat, Chris tossed his menu down.

"You think he's given up?" I asked.

"Not a chance."

Our food hadn't even arrived before Ace was towering over our table.

"You really do enjoy my sloppy seconds, don't ya, sport?"

I put my hand under the table and grabbed Chris' knee. He jammed his leg against mine in solidarity and looked up at Ace. They were both still showing remnants of their fight, Ace's eye had a fading black eye and Chris had a cut both above his right eye and on his lower lip.

"You got nothing better to do, Merrill?"

"Not right now, no." His smile was maddening.

"No, not ever, and it's pathetic. This whole town is growing up around you and you're still the same dumb hood you were five years ago."

"A dumb hood who fucked your girl."

Chris was immediately out of his seat.

"Don't," I pulled him back down into the booth. "You're giving him exactly what he wants."

"No, babe, you already gave me exactly what I want. Same time tonight?" He winked at me and I shuddered. Chris was already climbing out of the booth.

"Is there a problem here?" Fran appeared out of nowhere and all three of us fell quiet. Fran gently pushed Chris back towards the booth and fixed Ace with a filthy look.

"Good. Merrill, get back to your table or leave."

As Fran moved off, Ace sauntered away, calling over his shoulder;

"If you were a real man, faggot, you'd come outside."

Ace let the diner door swing shut behind him. Chris stared after him, perplexed.

"Don't go out there," I pleaded. "You promised you'd keep cool."

Chris reluctantly sat back down. But he stared at the door for a really long time.

Ace appeared at the window, smoking his cigarette with a smug grin on his face as he watched us. Chris lasted all of thirty seconds in his seat.

"Chris, wait!" I called.

By the time I got outside, the two of them were facing off in the parking lot.

"You wanna go another round?" Ace was demanding. I could see Chris was tempted, that he wanted to swing for him, but instead he took a step back.

"I don't need to fight you, Merrill. It wont change a thing for me. I already won."

Ace snorted.

"Won what, champ?"

"Everything." Chris stepped away and took my hand. "You can carry on being proud of taking advantage of a drunk girl but you were just a bump in the road for me and Nina."

I felt a lump rise in my throat while Ace stared at Chris, wide eyed.

"Another year and we''ll be out of this town," Chris went on. "The two of us wont even remember your name. So you stay mad. You have every reason to be pissed because you lost the best thing that ever happened to you. But because of your fuck up, I found the best thing that ever happened to me. For that I should be thanking you, not fighting you."

Chris walked back to the diner door and held it open for me. As I passed by into the diner, Ace yelled after us.

"You're a faggot punk, Chambers. That was just a faggotty way to punk out."

Chris paused in the doorway and chuckled at him.

"You're pathetic, Merrill."

And with that, he let the door drop and the two of us walked back towards our table.

"You okay?" Chris asked me, reaching for my hand across the table.

"I'm good," I said. "I'm proud of you for walking away."

"Everything I said was the truth." Chris shrugged but then leaned across the table towards me and cocked an eyebrow. "You wanna know a secret though?"

"What?"

"I really, really wanted to punch him."

888

"Which treaty united Russia and Britain against Hitler?"

"The treaty of Gard," I responded. "What year did world war one start?"

"1914. What year did it end?"

"1918."

Chris leaned over and kissed me softly on the lips.

"Beautiful and smart. How did I get it this good?" He stretched his arm across the back seat of his car and smiled down at me.

"Just lucky, I guess." I grinned up at him from where I lay in his lap.

"Christopher!" Milo Pressman was an old man these days but his voice still held the bark from our youth. Still, he liked Chris and he paid him a decent wage. And working in the scrap yard meant Chris and Gordie had rebuilt their car much faster than he would have if he'd still been working at Walmart. "Break's over, Casanova, we got work to be doing!"

"Coming, Mr Pressman!" Chris called back. He smiled at me ruefully as I sat up. "Duty calls. You gonna wait til I finish?"

I nodded and as he climbed out of the car, I reached into the front seat for my school books.

"I still need to finish my English essay."

He slammed the rear door and then leaned through the open window to kiss me.

"You wanna go to the movies with Gordo and Violet later?"

"Sounds good. Don't let that old grouch work you too hard."

He laughed easily as he walked away, his jeans tight against his muscular legs, his walk confident as headed back to work. Some way across the scrapyard, he turned back and called to me.

"Did you get a chance to look at the brochures?"

"Sure did." Even from a distance I could feel his eyes studying mine for any sign that I was backing out of our college deal.

"And?"

"And I like Berkley so far. San Francisco looks awesome."

He grinned at me.

"They have a pretty awesome law program there."

"Law? Since when did you decide on law?"

He shrugged and flashed me another beautiful smile.

"Someone's gotta keep Eyeball out of jail."

888