A/N: Sorry I didn't update yesterday. Life and health got in the way. But here we are. :) Thank you for reading, reviewing, and all the alerts. I appreciate it so much!
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Kaoru does not ask Kenshin to sleep next to her, not while they are in Kyoto. His eyes are dark with a past Kaoru can only faintly see and never touch, and they glow like lanterns in the dark room. He rests with his back against the wall and sword at his shoulder, not at all relaxed. He remains tense, waiting for some attack.
Worry mounts in Kaoru's chest. The tension keeps her awake, quietly vibrating. She wants to go for a walk, longs for cool air. She doubts Kenshin would take kindly to a midnight stroll down the streets of Kyoto, however.
"I feel as though I will never be able to wash the blood from my hands." His voice is low in the darkness of their room, after what feels like hours of Kaoru pretending to sleep. "I smell it here. It drenches Kyoto, and so much of it is my doing."
What can Kaoru say? She cannot deny the deeds her husband has committed - he has taken countless lives. But he is not to blame, not entirely; he fought for what he believed to be right and just. He fought for a new era of peace and prosperity for the people of Japan, and carved out bits of soul to do so.
"You are a good man, Himura Kenshin," she finally settles on saying, sitting up and twisting around to look at him. His gaze remains somewhere to her left; it seems he cannot bring himself to look at her. "You did what few men are able to do. You gave up parts of yourself for the good of our country."
"I am a murderer," he breathes shamefully, squeezing his eyes shut. His hands knot into fists, and he trembles like a fragile leaf on a strong wind. "I don't deserve to be next to you, Kaoru. You are so pure, and I - I am -"
"You are a good man." Kaoru's voice brooks no argument, as she fills it with every inch of her conviction. She crawls from the futon to Kenshin's side, takes his fists and slowly, carefully loosens his fingers. Into his grasp she inserts her hands, holding him in place as much as anchoring herself to him. "And you are a wonderful husband. I love you, Kenshin. Whatever the past holds, it doesn't have to be our future. But no matter what the future brings, you will not face it alone. We will face it together."
"Kaoru..." Kenshin breaks, Kaoru can see it. It is like some great wound inside him is sliced open, releasing infection and pain into the very air they breathe. She leans forward, presses her lips against his nose and cheeks, the soft skin of eyelids and narrow line of his jaw.
He pulls her into his lap, clings to her as his tears fall into her hair down the curve of her cheek, slipping down her neck and sinking into the cloth of her yukata. His sword lies between them, and while Kaoru tries to hate it - it is this sword that has brought her Kenshin such pain - she simply can't.
It has kept him alive, after all.
She sleeps in his grasp, her arms tight around his chest, a guardian against his sins and the ghosts of the past.