Chapter Forty

"Uncle Gordie!" Four year old Mikey sprung at my best friend as he followed Ace into our small living room.

"How many time's do I have to tell you? He's not your uncle," Ace muttered.

"Then why is his name Uncle Gordie?"

I shot Ace a dirty look but Mikey was matter of fact and Gordie laughed and ruffled his blond hair.

"Your old man doesn't catch on so fast, huh? How's it going, Willis?"

Ace glared at Gordie's back as he leaned over the sofa to hug me hello. Gordie had graduated with honours from his writing program in Eugene and had even sold his first novel. Even though it hadn't made much money, it had been a hit with the critics and had helped him to land his first teaching job at our old high school. He was back home with his parents while he saved for a deposit on his own place.

"I'm going out. Back later," Ace huffed.

"Okay," I nodded."You want me to save you some dinner?"

Ace leaned over the couch and kissed my cheek roughly.

"Yeah. And you-" Ace nodded at Mikey "You behave yourself, you hear? Or no baseball game Saturday."

"I will be so good," Mikey promised fervently. "Bye Dad." He wrapped himself around one of Ace's legs and Ace patted his shoulder and smiled down at him.

"I know you will, kid. Look after your Mom, okay? And don't listen to any of Lachance's sissy stories."

Gordie gave Ace the finger behind Mikey's back and Mikey dutifully said:

"But I like Uncle Gordie's stories, Dad."

"Yeah, that's cause they've brain washed you." His tone was almost jovial as he chucked Mikey under the chin and left the house.

"I still cant believe sometimes how good he is with him. You remember how much he hated kids?" Gordie's tone was low but Mikey had wandered off in search of some toys anyhow.

"Mikey's changed him, " I agreed.

"Mikey's changed you too," Gordie said. "Definitely for the better."

I didn't drink anymore. I didn't like the way it made me feel the next day and a hangover with a kid who liked to jump on the end of your bed now and then was not at all fun. Life was steady enough that I didn't feel I had to drink-not perfect-but steady. I was still waitressing for Fran at the blue point diner when Mikey was in school but a couple of nights a week I was studying book keeping at the local community college. Ace had moved from removals to a steady job in construction and by and by, we did okay.

"So you all ready for my birthday?"

Gordie was going to be 22 in a few days and his parents had strangely encouraged him to throw a party at their house. They'd mellowed out over the years. I didn't have to climb into Gordie's window anymore-they would let me in the front door- and they adored the hell out of Mikey, always remembering his birthday and Christmas gifts.

"Yeah, about that…" I gave Gordie a guilty look. "I don't think I can come."

"Why the hell not?"

"Ace won't sit for Mikey. He said he has plans."

Gordie looked furious.

"That son of a bitch. This has been planned for months. Did you tell him Chris couldn't make it?"

My heart still thumped at the sound of his name and I nodded uneasily.

"He still said he's busy. I asked Fran but she's working. She said I can leave him at the diner for a few hours but I feel bad doing it."

"Well, bring him along," Gordie said decisively, picking up one of Mikey's toy cars and zooming it across the floor to him. Mikey squealed with laughter as he avoided it.

"Bring me where?"

"To my house for my birthday," Gordie said.

Mikey looked enthusiastic.

"Like a party? Will there be cake? And jello?"

"No jello I don't think, but I'm sure I could rustle you up some cake."

"I don't know," I felt doubtful. "Are there any other kids going?"

"Well, no. But it's not exactly gonna be wild. My parents will be there. Some of their friends. Few teachers from the high school. I think it's my folks chance to show the world I didn't turn out such a screw up after all."

"He'll be tired by eight o clock."

"So put him to bed in my room. The two of you can stay up there, I'll stay in the guest room. You know my folks love Mikey."

It was only a year ago that Mr and Mrs Lachance had finally packed away Denny's things and created the 'guest room'. But ever since the heavy atmosphere inside the house had seemed to melt away.

"A party and a sleepover?" As Mikey started dancing enthusiastically across the room, Gordie bent down and swung Mikey up and over his shoulder.

"Ace will have a fit," I worried aloud.

"Then he can babysit. His choice. Come on, what do you say?"

Watching Gordie and Mikey pout at me could only lead to me laughing out loud.

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"It's not right," Ace was saying as I got dressed for the party. "You're a married woman and you want to take our kid to a party and then stay round some guys place?"

"It's just Gordie. And his parents will be there. In fact, it's not even a party, it sounds like it's gonna be super dull. A bunch of the Lachance's friends."

"Well, fuck it, if you don't wanna stay home with your kid, then I will. I'm not going out."

He made me feel really shitty by saying this. I was a good mom. I never went out. I didn't even drink anymore. The highlight of my social life was a coffee with Gordie when he popped by. But it was his birthday.

"Mikey's really looking forward to it," I said.

"He'll have a better time with me. We'll throw a baseball, ill take him to the movies. You go out but you be home at a decent hour, okay?"

I took a breath. If I was the same fiery girl Id been as a teenager we would never have got this far.

"Mama, mama, how long til Gordie's party?"

"You ain't going," Ace said. "You're staying here with me."

"But Gordie invited me! Did I do something wrong?"

I glared at Ace and stooped so I was eye level with Mikey.

"No, baby, you haven't done anything wrong. Daddy just wanted to spend some time with you."

"But I want to go to Gordie's party! He's been to all of mine." Mikey's eyes suddenly filled with tears and I glanced cautiously at Ace. He didn't like it when Mikey cried and we'd had some heated discussions about his disgust at our little boys upsets.

"Don't start bawling kid. We'll have fun."

"But Uncle Gordie's my best friend and I want to go to his party!"

Ace started to say something else when Mikey threw back his head and started wailing.

"This is your fault for telling him before you told me!" Ace snapped.

It had actually been Gordie that had mentioned it to Mikey but I wasn't about to throw Gordie under the bus with me.

"Just let him come along. What's the big deal? He'll eat cake, he'll play with Gordie. I'll have him in bed by 9. There's a lot of people to look after him-me, Gordie, Mr and Mrs Lachance."

"Are you telling me Lachance wont be wasted on his own birthday?" Ace demanded.

"It's not that kinda party," I told him. "His folks are throwing it."

"Please Daddy, please…" Mikey was hanging onto Ace's leg. "I'll do so good at little league on Sunday, I promise!"

Ace looked down at him before looking at me and shaking his head irritably.

"Alright, kid. Go and pack yourself some pyjamas."

"Thank you," I put my arms around his neck and he prised them away.

"I'm getting fucking soft in my old age."

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Gordie's 'party' was fairly quiet like I had expected it to be.

Mikey was the centre of attention and spent most of the evening glued to Gordie's side. I sipped lemonade and helped Mrs Lachance serve up snacks. It was strange how Mikey had brought everybody together. The Lachances were always pleasant to me these days.

There were some faces I recognised from town but some others I didn't, such as a group of young teachers who now taught at the high school with Gordie.

Violet lived in Dallas, Texas now. She and Gordie had tried to do the long distance thing for a while when they went away to separate colleges but it hadn't worked. They'd stayed good friends after that and she met her new husband the last year of college. As usually happens when you get married, it's not exactly comfortable to stay in touch with your high school sweetheart- I knew that better than most people.

Vern and Teddy didn't make it. Vern because he was away driving, he was a long distance truck driver these days- and Teddy, well, because he was probably off getting high somewhere. Teddy had been bumming around Castle Rock since graduation. He hadn't made the army like he'd wanted to because his eyesight was so poor. After that, he alternated somewhere between getting in trouble and getting wasted.

It was probably a good thing he hadn't made Gordie's birthday. I couldn't see him fitting in with Mr and Mrs Lachance's friends.

I think I had given Mikey his five minutes notice period for bedtime when the doorbell rang and Mr Lachance led in a smiling man with a familiar smile.

It took my breath away to see him again. He was taller, blonder and even more handsome than I'd remembered. And he had style, presence and a smile for everybody. Even me.

"Nina." He stepped back and looked at me in surprise. "You look great. How are you?"

Always the gentleman and never any bitterness. You look even better, I wanted to say. But the words stuck in my throat.

"I'm good, thanks. And congratulations, I hear you got into the Law program."

"Thanks." His eyes drifted to the blond four year old holding my hand. "And you must be Mikey. Your uncle Gordie tells me all about you, kiddo."

"You're friends with Uncle Gordo?" Mikey asked in surprise.

"Best friends," Chris responded and Mikey's face lit up.

"You're Chris Chambers!"

Chris gave me an embarrassed look and then bent down to Mikey's level.

"Guess he's been talking about both of us. I think we need to sit down and talk about Gordie, don't you?"

Mikey giggled.

"Did you really put itching powder in Verns Mom's underwear?"

Nobody knew quite what to say until Gordie turned up with a newspaper and shoved it under Chris' nose.

"Top of your class, Einstein. I feel I should take some credit for convincing you to drop the shop courses."

Chris snatched the paper and rapped Gordie over the head with it.

"What you been telling the poor kid? What kind of role model are you?"

"Listen, if you wanna talk about poor role models-"

I prised the Berkeley newspaper out of Gordie's hands and read the headline of the newspaper aloud.

"CHRISTOPHER CHAMBERS: THE ONE TO WATCH."

"They said that about you in high school too but I don't think they meant it quite the same way," Gordie chuckled. "What are you doing here, man? I thought you couldn't make it."

The two of them shook hands and gave each other a pat on the back.

"Me too. Had a change of plans and I thought I'd surprise you. Happy birthday." Chris handed Gordie a card and a bottle of champagne.

"Hey, champagne? Is this how you soon-to-be lawyers do things?"

"No, it's how lazy friends do things. I just bought it at the liquor store on main."

"I made Uncle Gordie a spaceship," Mikey told Chris seriously. "It took me three days."

"Only three days?" Chris widened his eyes. "That must be record time for a space project. Has he been to outer space yet?"

"Not yet. I want Uncle Gordie to take me to outer space too!"

"How about Uncle Gordie takes you to bed?" Gordie said, scooping him up.

"It was nice to meet you, Mikey," Chris said, holding out his hand solemnly. Mikey shook it, gave me a kiss and a hug before telling 'his horsey' to giddy up some. Mikey and Gordie were galloping out of the room.

"Cute kid," Chris said to me. "Kinda strange to see you as a Mom."

"Kinda strange to see you as a hot shot lawyer," I said and he shook his head humbly.

"I'm not a lawyer yet."

Mrs Lachance came over then and shook Chris' hand warmly. He leaned in and kissed her on the cheek and I jolted as he neared, the familiar scent of his soap bringing a torrent of vivid memories back to me.

"I still keep waiting for her to yell at me," Chris said out of the corner of his mouth as Mrs Lachance crossed the room.

"Don't talk crazy, you're the pride of the town these days," I said, trying to steady my breathing.

"You wanna get a drink?" Chris asked me, cocking his head sideways. The move triggered another dozen memories and I nodded weakly before following him into the kitchen.

"What'd you want?" Chris asked, opening the fully stocked fridge. He took a beer out for himself and I shrugged.

"Just a lemonade."

"Don't drink with the kid in the house, huh?" He was smiling at me, like he was proud of me.

"I don't drink at all," I said and my answer startled him.

"You don't?"

"No, but you go ahead."

Chris smiled and replaced his beer bottle.

"I only drink to be social. So not drinking to be social is fine." He pulled two bottles of lemonade free from the fridge. "You want a glass?"

I said yes and he took me one down from the counter.

I remembered him refilling my glass at Vern's party once upon a time, ever the gentleman.

"So what have you been up to?" I asked. "How's California?"

He gave me what I thought was a wistful smile before he took a sip of his drink and nodded.

"California's great. I'm glad I'm staying at Berkeley a while longer…so how about you? How's married life?"

I shrugged, feeling my cheeks grow hot.

"It has its moments. Being a Mom is great. And Ace is great with Mikey."

"Who woulda thought?" Chris said, not impolitely. "So I guess Mikey will be starting school before you know it? What you gonna do with yourself?"

"I been taking a night course in book keeping," I told him. "So maybe something in accounts."

He looked genuinely pleased for me.

"No way, that's great. That's giving Mr Maloney the finger, right?"

Maloney. Our math class together. When we were together.

The conversation lulled as we looked at each other awkwardly.

"Kids all tucked in. He's waiting for his Mama, " Gordie said as he entered the kitchen.

Chris and I were both startled by Gordie coming in. I backed out of the room hurriedly, calling my thanks to him.

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It was strange staying in Gordie's room with Mikey. My childhood shelter was suddenly accommodating my own child and the secrecy of my stay was now gone. Mrs Lachance even turned down the bed for us.

I lay awake for a long time listening to Mikey's breathing and wondering as I did often. whether Mikey's eyes really were Ace's icy blue, or that of the steely Chamber boys.

It had been surreal seeing Chris again. As if the years had passed in a blink of an eye and despite a marriage, a child and a pre law degree dividing us, we both still felt it. He didn't have to say it or do anything. It was just there. Between us. Like it had been 5 years ago.

When I came up to say goodnight to Mikey, I decided I wasn't going back downstairs. I couldn't do it. I couldn't look at Chris any longer while wondering where he'd been and who he'd been with. Knowing it wasn't my place anymore.

So I'd gotten in next to Mikey, telling Gordie I was sleepy when he came upstairs to check on me a half hour later. But I was far from sleepy. I lay awake listening to the voices and laughter downstairs while remembering the happiest time of my life. Remembering Chris. Chris surprising me, defending me, holding me, kissing me.

When the door had closed after the last guest and I heard Mr and Mrs Lachance come up to bed, i stole downstairs for a glass of water. The house was warm-it had been a hot summer- and I was glad to feel the cool tiles under my bare feet in the kitchen.

I switched on the light and was startled to see a figure in the back doorway. Chris threw the cigarette he was holding and came back inside, shutting the door.

"Sorry."

"That's cool." I got down a glass and filled it at the faucet. "You're smoking again?"

"Since before I left for college."

He realised his mistake as soon as the words were out. I placed my glass gently on the kitchen side.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Don't be," he said.

He leaned against the opposite counter. The silence seemed to go on forever.

"Couldn't sleep?" His rich baritone echoed off the empty kitchen.

"It's weird being back here." I shook my head.

"And weird that you're allowed to be?" He smirked at me. "Mrs Lachance made the sofa up for me. Never thought I'd see the day."

I giggled.

"You remember how much she hated us?"

"I remember how much she hated me. She referred to me more than once as 'that Chambers boy'."

"Hell, I thought that was your name until sixth grade," I laughed.

He joined in good naturedly Then he cocked his head sideways.

"You wanna go for a walk?"

It was an innocent enough comment but it was loaded with possibility.

"Now?"

He shrugged, all boyish charm and humility.

"Sure, why not?"

"Because it's the middle of the night… And Mikey's upstairs."

"Gordie's next door to him. We won't be long. Besides, the kid must be beat after such a late one."

I hesitated. My eyes met his and we looked at each other for what felt like an unnaturally long time. There were so many secrets and unknowns between us but in that moment, they didn't matter. All that mattered was that we were both here after all this time.

I knew I should say no. That I had a ring on my finger and a four year old son upstairs who loved the man who had given it to me. But his eyes were hypnotic. And it was just a walk.

So I heard myself telling him I would just be a minute. After checking on Mikey and grabbing my coat and shoes from Gordie's room, I tiptoed back downstairs to the kitchen where Chris was holding the back door open and gesturing for me to leave first.

As if under a spell, I slipped quietly out of the back door with Christopher Chambers and we wandered down the lane together.

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