Chapter Forty Four

Chris knocked at 9.25am wearing sweat pants, a t shirt and sneakers.

Mikey flung the door open wide and enthusiastically.

"Mama, Chris Chambers is here!"

He had taken to using both Chris' names when he talked about him. Chris' name in Mikey's mouth still startled me some. They had been from two separate worlds in my mind for such a long time that seeing them together was a little surreal.

Chris stepped inside the house, spotting Mikey's bat and glove by the wall.

"These coming with us?"

"You bet!" Mikey threw the ball hard at Chris who caught it deftly.

"Oh, wow, you're even better than my Dad," Mikey marvelled. There was an awkward silence before Gordie came into the hall.

"Chambers! How you doing, pal?" Gordie was over enthusiastic in his greeting in a way that said "Dude, I had no idea". And Chris was just as responsive in a way that said "I know I was a dick and I'm sorry."

The two shook hands and rough housed some while Mikey and I held hands and locked the front door.

"Mama, why do they do that?"

"It's their way of saying hello," I said, squeezing his hand tightly.

"Why don't they just say hello?"

"I don't know," I said, as we followed them up the path.

"Hey, Mikey, catch the boys up!" Gordie yelled.

Mikey jogged after them and I slowed down to watch. I saw how Gordie lifted Mikey easily onto his shoulders but that it was Chris who was talking to him. He was tossing the baseball he was holding and making Mikey laugh as they strode. From behind, I realised, they could easily have been father and son.

I felt the usual swell of guilt when I thought about Ace. But I realised that Mikey was okay. He missed Ace, sure, but kids were resilient, and Mikey had me, and Gordie, and Fran.

Chris eventually fell back and let Gordie and Mikey take the lead. I smiled at him.

"He tire you out?"

"No way. Just didn't want you walking alone."

"I better get used to it," I snorted.

"About that," Chris dug around in the pocket of his sweat pants before holding out a set of keys to me.

"What's this?"

"The keys to the pontiac."

I stared down at the glistening keys in his large hand.

"What you giving em to me for?"

"It's yours, Christina. And I know you're gonna say no, but you need it more than me."

"I can't take your car-" I protested.

"I won it in a card game, not like I worked for it. And besides, public transport is pretty good in Berkeley. Not like here."

"I cant take it," I said, shoving his hand away. "Come on, let's catch Gordie and Mikey up."

Chris looked put out as he slid the keys back into his pocket but followed me to catch up with Mikey and Gordie.

Mikey got into his usual sense of frustration while we watched the Little Leaguers from the bench seats. The kid wanted to be old enough to play so much it burned him. On the last pitch, he was on his feet and yelling for the batter to make base when the kid tripped and fell head long into the mud.

"Come on, get up!" Mikey shouted but the kid lay there a few seconds before he started bawling. As the coach and assumedly the kids father rushed onto the field, Mikey sat down with a big thump.

"Why can't I play, Mama? I'm better than that kid."

Chris, who was sat on the other side of him raised an eyebrow in amusement.

"Oh, you are, are ya?"

"Yes."

"You can't play until you're old enough, Mikey. You know this," I said gently.

"Who says?" Chris shrugged.

Mikey looked over at Chris curiously.

"Come on, Mikey. Let's go." Chris started making his way down the stands and with a look requesting permission to follow him from Mikey, I nodded. Gordie and I followed them to behind the bleacher seats where Chris tossed down his keys on the grass and then a little further away tossed down his wallet.

"Gordie, give me your hat. Nina, can we use your purse?"

These were handed over and Chris tossed down the objects in a rough diamond shape before turning back to Mikey.

"Right, Mikey. This here is first base, second base, third base, home plate."

"But we dont have anybody to play with…" Mikey trailed off.

"Sure we do. You'll bat, I'll pitch. Gordie can be first base, your mom can be catcher. Then we'll switch it up."

Mikey laughed, throwing back his blond head, showing a set of perfect white teeth.

"Mama doesn't play baseball."

"Hey, listen, your mom would give Mickey Mantle a run for his money. Come on, Nina. Get to the home plate."

Laughing, I walked over to where my purse had been dropped.

"Come on, Mikey, I'm ready for you," I called over.

Mikey laughed and picked up his baseball bat. His glove was too small for Chris to use so he tossed it aside.

"And it's Michael Merrill up at the pitch line," Gordie called in a commentary voice. "Over 3 feet high and full of pancakes this morning, he's sure to have the opposition running scared."

Mikey was narrowing his eyes and lifting his bat to focus on the ball.

Chris counted down before he threw the ball. Mikey missed the first time and I somehow managed to catch the ball.

"Strike one!" Chris called.

"You got this, Mikey!" Gordie bellowed. "Come on, kid!"

Chris counted down again and carefully pitched the ball. This time Mikey's bat connected with the ball and although it went straight towards Chris, he did a pretty convincing job of fumbling the ball. Mikey made it to second base safe.

With all the noise we were making while other families were wandering away from the bleachers, some kids had stopped to watch us.

"You wanna play?" Chris called to a pair of near identical brothers who had earlier been cheering on their elder brother who was was a Little Leaguer. "We need a batsman to get Mikey home safe."

"I'll do it," said one of the boys, coming forward to pick up Mikey's fallen bat.

Before we knew it, all three brothers including the Little Leaguer had joined in and in ten minutes, we had nine kids for the batting team against Chris, Gordie and me and a couple of other dads. Mikey had the biggest grin on his face the entire time, telling everybody 'That's my Mom. That's my Uncle Gordie. And that's Chris Chambers."

When the game finally came to an end, Chris hoisted Mikey onto his shoulders.

"You, Michael, were an awesome baseball player today."

"I did great, didn't I? I almost got a home run!"

"Next time for sure," Chris said.

"Can you come with us next week?" Mikey asked him. "And you, Uncle Gordie?"

Chris hesitated.

"I'm going back to California tomorrow," he said. "But I'm sure Uncle Gordie will."

"I'll be here, Mikey, we'll get that home run, for sure." Gordie reached up to high five him.

But the mood wasn't quite the same after that.

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The next day I woke up to the sinking feeling that it was Chris' last day. I kinda hoped he'd come around to say goodbye but by the time darkness fell and he still hadn't showed, I knew he wasn't going to.

Gordie came back to mine a little after nine and confirmed that he'd taken Chris to the bus station.

"He said to give you this." Gordie handed me an envelope and went into the kitchen to get a drink and give me some privacy. I sat down on the sofa, opened the envelope and began to read.

Dear Nina,

I'm sorry I didn't come to say goodbye today. I wanted to but in the end it was just too hard. I know if I see you again, or Mikey, I won't want to leave. And I told you I would go back and finish law school. This doesnt change how I feel about things and doesn't cancel out any of the things that I said I would do. I will send you a monthly cheque for Mikey and if you need me, I will be back there in a shot.

I took a bus home so I could leave you my car. The keys are with this letter. Please don't say no again, the car is at Gordie's so it's no good to me anyhow.

I called in a favour today down at the hospital. I had my DNA taken by a nurse and I've set it up so you can take Mikey down there any time to do the same. You don't have to and there is no time limit but the offer's there if you change your mind.

I am truly sorry about Ace, and sorry about the timing of things. The last thing I want to do is upset you and that's why I'm going. The only thing I want is to be here for you, make you feel better, maybe even make you smile again.

I'll be back as soon as I can so you carry on being a great mom to Mikey and ask for help if you need it- from me, from Gordie, from Fran, even the Lachance's. I know you've never been great at asking for help but we are all here if you need it. I really hope you'll come and visit so I can show you what Berkeley is like.

Never forget that you are still young, still smart, and even more beautiful than I remember. You have your whole life ahead of you and I know you'll do great things despite the shitty hand that you've been dealt.

Always your friend,

Chris x

The keys weighed the envelope down and I opened it wide to see not only the car keys but fifty dollars in cash wedged inside.

Gordie came back into the room as I was fishing it out.

"Did you guys sort stuff out then? He didn't really say much on the way to the station."

"I guess. He left me his car. And some money. He set up a DNA test for Mikey at the hospital. He's been tested already."

Gordie looked suitably impressed, then a little guilty.

"I feel like i shouldn't have given him shit about leaving you now."

"I told him to go," I explained. "He needs to finish law school. And we dont even know that Mikey is his."

Gordie appeared to think this is over.

"The more I think about it, the more I realise I like Mikey way too much for him to be Ace's son."

"Gordie!" I snapped.

"Hey, come on but its true. Who is he most like in personality?"

"Me!" I snapped. "He's most like me, okay?"

Gordie took a sip of his drink and shrugged.

"Whatever you say."

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