Chapter Forty Six

I was standing in the hospital, in the same private room I'd been in when they'd told me Ace was dead.

"I'm here for Christopher Chambers…is he here? Is he okay?"

It was the same somber doctor who had told me that Ace was gone. His face changed into the same sympathetic expression that I had learned to dread.

"I'm sorry, the paramedics did all they could but he had already passed away before he reached the hospital."

The world around me seemed to fall to pieces. He couldn't be dead. There were too many unsaid things between us and I thought we'd have time to one day say them all But there was no time. He was really gone.

"No!" I screamed at the doctor hysterically. "It's not true! Not Chris! Where is he?"

"Nina, wake up!"

When I opened my eyes, I didn't recognise the room. It was hot and sticky and my face was damp with tears.

"Chris!" I sobbed.

"It's okay, I'm here, it was just a dream." Chris was sitting on the edge of the bed. His arms went about me and I struggled to sit up and wriggle towards him. I tried to pull him into the bed with me and felt him hesitate.

"Please just hold me," I whispered.

He was only wearing a pair of boxer briefs when he slid into bed beside me and lifted his arm up so I could crawl closer to him. I pressed my face into his neck, feeling the world swim back into focus. He stroked my arm and kissed my hair, holding me tightly until I stopped shaking.

"You okay?"

I nodded, wiping my wet face with my hand.

"Sounded like a shitty dream. What was it about?"

I gulped, thanking God it hadn't been real.

"I dreamed you were dead… just like Ace…" I started crying again

"Hey, shhh, come on, it wasn't real. I'm right here."

I clung onto him. I turned my head and kissed his cheek, then I reached up to turn his face towards me and kissed him hard on the mouth. He stiffened and pulled away, sounding confused.

"Nina, come on, it was just a dream…"

"It could have been real. It could have been real and I would never have got the chance to tell you."

"Tell me what?"

We had both been dancing around the topic for months now, but in that moment I didn't give a shit about the doubts or what other people might think.

"The chance to tell you that I love you. That I never stopped loving you. That I let you go because I loved you more than I've ever loved anybody."

He stiffened.

"Still? You sure about that?"

"Yes."

He sat up and pushed back the covers.

"Look, Nina, that's all I wanted to hear, you know that. But think about this for a minute, think about daylight and reality. Do you really want to be with me? It's all well and good saying you love me, but in real life, what are you gonna do about it?"

I put my hand on his arm, tugging him towards me.

"This," I said, as I kissed him for a second time. This time he didn't resist, instead he kissed me back, forcing me back onto the pillow, one hand in my hair, the other sliding down to my hips.

His touch felt so good that I wanted him right there and then. But he took his time like he always had, kissing me, stroking me before we were both so hot and bothered, it took only a couple of minutes of him being inside me for us both to climax. As we lay back on the pillows, I felt tears sting my eyes again and had to turn my face away.

"Hey," Chris' voice was slightly alarmed. "Are you okay? Did I hurt you?"

I laughed.

"No, these are happy tears."

"Jesus Christ, thank God." He kissed my eyelids and used his thumbs to wipe the tears away. "Making you cry wasn't the desired effect."

"Well, what was?"

"Making you want to marry me."

I laughed again, this time more loudly.

"It wasn't that good."

He slid out of bed and picked up his underwear. I propped myself up on my elbows and watched him walk across the dimly lit room.

"Hey, I was kidding."

"I know." He pulled his underwear on and switched on the light, the brightness making me wince.

"Oh, damn, Chris…did you have to?" I pulled the pillow over my head but in a couple of seconds, he was easing it away from me.

"Put that down and look at me before I lose my nerve," he said. I opened my eyes to see him kneeling beside the bed.

"What are you doing?"

"Christina, will you marry me?"

I gaped at him.

"What?"

"You heard me. Will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?"

"You're insane."

"No." He shook his head firmly. "I was insane for not asking you five years ago."

"But you don't even know if Mikey is yours."

"I don't care about that. I don't want you to think Mikey is the reason I'm asking. I'm asking because I love you. I always have and I always will."

The tears started again and I laughed a little at his 'always have'.

"You used to hate me."

"I loved to hate you just a little too much." He smiled at me and took my hand. " I always thought you were beautiful…I don't have a ring. But I'll get you one. Marry me? Please?"

I remembered Ace's unromantic proposal in comparison to this one.

"Not sure if I want to, but guess it's the right thing to do, ain't it?…We'll get hitched, before the baby's born."

"Ace hasn't been dead a year," I found myself saying.

"This isn't about Ace. This is about you and me. We should have been together from the start. Nina, I don't want you to get on that bus and forget about me. I can't offer you a lot right now but once I graduate, I can give you and Mikey everything. And in the mean time I'll come back as much as I can. You can bring Mikey to visit too. We'll take him to the beach…"

"But you're so…free here…You wanna give that up to play house?"

"I've never been playing when it comes to you," he said seriously. "And the most free I ever felt was when you were on my arm. Now will you give me an answer already?"

"Yes," I said impulsively. "Yes, I'll marry you."

He got up quickly and planted a kiss on my lips, before climbing back into the bed with me and pulling me into his arms.

"I love you, Christina."

"I love you."

I snuggled into him, sighing against his smooth shoulder. He tightened his arms around me.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure." He turned his head to kiss my hair.

"What did Marty mean when he said "you're even prettier in person'.?"

Chris sighed.

"Come on," I said. "Was I up on the photo wall?"

"I can honestly say no to that question."

"Then...?

Sighing, he reached out with his hand and opened his bedside drawer, digging around before he pulled out a glass frame. He handed it to me without looking at it.

"Where did you get this?" I stared at the photo of myself on Gordie's front porch steps, laughing at something or somebody off camera.

"Hocked it out of Gordie's dresser before I left. Been sitting next to my bed ever since."

"Even when you've had women back here?"

He looked uncomfortable.

"Maybe I might have knocked it over or put it away."

"So they didn't see a picture of your ex girlfriend?'

"No." He gave me a little nudge. "So you weren't watching me, okay?"

I started to laugh.

"You're so cute."

"Quiet, woman.." He put a hand over my mouth for a second. "Let's focus on now. Let's think about getting married. You remember when we talked about it before? We were fighting over whether Gordie would be best man or give you away?"

"He's giving me away," I said.

"Nope, he's best man."

"Well, we'll just have to see which he chooses." I grinned.

"How about he does both…?" Chris turned his face towards me and kissed me on the mouth before I could answer. I protested for a second before succumbing to the warmth of his lips.

"We're not done," I said between kisses.

"I figured," he responded, using his weight to pin me to the bed and kiss me harder.

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It was hard for me to stop smiling when I returned home. Gordie noticed immediately.

"Come on, what happened? I mean, no gory details obviously, but are you guys back on?"

"Nothing is back on," I lied. I didn't even have a ring yet and as weird as it sounded, I wanted it all to be final before we told anybody.

"Ah, come on, something must have happened?"

"We had a great time," I said. "But I'm happy to be home here with Mikey."

"Gee, thanks."

"And you of course. Listen, can you mind Mikey in the morning before you go to work? I want to go to the cemetery. I'll leave early and I wont be long"

"Oh, of course. It's not like I have anything better to do. Or that you've been away the entire weekend." But he was smiling as he said so.

"I won't be long." I assured him. "I just want to visit Ace. Alone. The gates open at 6am."

Gordie gave me a look that was part understanding and part uneasiness.

"You want me to take you? We could bring Mikey with us?"

"No, I need to do it alone. Thanks you though." I gave his arm a quick squeeze before I headed off to bed.

When I got into my bedroom, I looked down at my ring finger at my cheap engagement ring and gold wedding band. I considered taking them off but couldn't do it. Instead, I lay down on the bed and closed my eyes.

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I parked up Chris' pontiac at the church gates, the sun just beginning to rise beyond them. The way the sun was positioned was as if I were entering the gates of heaven, the light bursting out from within the wrought iron gates. There wasn't a soul to be seen at this time of the morning.

The air felt cold at this time of morning and I drew my coat more tightly about myself, wondering at the eeriness of the mist cloaking the base of the the grave stones.

I stopped at my parents grave and tossed a couple of flowers from my bouquet in front of their tombstone. Then I made my way to the far north east corner, where Ace's cross was fluttering in the wind. It would be replaced by a tombstone soon enough when the ground had settled. I set down the flowers and swallowed hard as I studied his name on the plaque of the cheap cross.

"Fucking pitiful, aint it?"

The familiar voice came from behind me and I spun around to see Ace sitting on a nearby tomb. He wore ripped jeans, his biker jacket and his motorcycle boots. I almost fell over in my haste to step away from him.

"Ace! What are you- you can't be…you're…"

"Dead?" He finished for me.

I nodded dumbly, looking at how real he seemed, how nothing was any different from when I'd seen him last alive. Dirty blond hair, strong tattooed arms and that permanent smirk on his face.

I moved slowly closer to him until I was stood just inches away and tentatively reached out to touch his arm.

"You won't feel nothing," he said, leaning away from me. "Makes you feel like shit when that happens. I'm here but I guess I'm also…in there." He nodded towards his cross and I looked back and then faced him again quickly to ensure he hadn't disappeared.

"I miss you," I told him, my voice breaking.

"I know, Doll," Ace said. "You gotta stop with the crying though. The kid hears you through the walls."

"Oh," I said startled. "I-uh, didn't know. Of course, I'll stop."

"Good stuff," Ace said. "I cant't stay long. Once the sun is up, I'm out of here."

I took a look at the sun rising rapidly in the distance filling the sky with reds yellows and pinks. My stomach felt tied in a hundred knots as I remembered what it was I had come for.

"Wait a minute. I have to talk to you."

"I know. That's why I'm here."

"It's about Chris. Me and Chris. We- I kind of want you to be happy for me."

"Over my dead body." He paused and then smirked his famous smirk. "Shit, I can't use that line anymore."

"No, no you can't," I responded. "I love him, Ace. I loved you too but…"

"But not like you love him."

His words ate me up inside. The suspicion that I'd had for so many years was finally confirmed. Ace knew he'd been second best, but he'd stayed anyway.

"Don't say that." I dropped my eyes, unable to look at him.

"Come on, that's the truth. You know it, he knows it, even Eyeball knows it. I don't know I could have stuck it out if not for the kid. Whatever the truth, the kid'll always be mine."

"Of course he will. But I have to start being honest with myself. And the people around me. Do you get that?"

"Look, doll," Ace slid off the tomb and stood up, squinting over at me in the glare of the rising sun. "If you've come here for me to tell you to marry Chambers it ain't gonna happen. You already made up your mind anyway. That's why you ain't wearing your rings anymore."

My eyes went frantically down to the bare fingers on my left hand. Where the hell were they?

Ace snickered a little.

"You do what you gotta do, babe." He glanced behind him. "I gotta get going."

"Going where?" I asked frantically, not wanting him to leave at all.

"Listen, Doll Face, this is important…there's two keys taped to the bottom of the bed. One for the back shed and one for the safe inside it. There's about three hundred dollars in it."

"You told me the key to the shed was lost?" I shook my head in confusion.

"Yeah, well, I lied. Money's yours. Chin up and look after the kid."

And before I could answer, he walked towards the melting sunrise.

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"Nina, wake up, would ya?" Gordie was standing by the side of the bed shaking me roughly when I opened my eyes.

"What are you doing in here?"

"Mikey's up. I made him breakfast but I have to leave for work now."

"Oh. Sorry. I must have slept through my alarm." I struggled to sit up. "I had the weirdest dream."

"About what?" Gordie used my mirror to check his hair before turning back to me.

"About Ace. I told him about me and Chris…"

Gordie bounded excitedly across the room and landed hard on the edge of the bed.

"So there is a you and Chris! Ha! I knew it!"

While he was questioning me with unmasked glee, I concentrated hard to remember the details of the dream.

"So? Are you gonna tell me anything?" Gordie pressed as I came out of my thoughts.

"Hey, Gordie…would you look under the bed? See if there's anything taped to the bottom?"

Gordie gave me a strange look.

"What? What the hell are you talking about?"

"Just do it please."

"I'm in my good trousers, you know…" While Gordie grumbled to himself and crawled under the bed, I pushed my hair back from my face and waited.

"Well, I'll be damned." His voice floated out from under the bed. "Couple of keys taped here. What are they for?"

"The shed," I told him. I heard Gordie swear as he bumped his head crawling back out. He handed over two silver keys, one small one and one barrel lock key.

"I thought they were lost," he said, rubbing his head and frowning. "Look, I have to get to work but you want me to mind Mikey later so you can go the to the cemetery?"

I was still staring at the keys in my hands and it was only then, I remembered my wedding rings. I turned my left hand over, noting it was still bare and specifically remembering I had fallen asleep with them on.

Peering across the room towards my dresser, I let out a sign of relief. Both of my rings were sitting glistening on the dresser top. I flopped back onto the bed.

"Nah," I said. "I don't need to go anymore, but thanks."

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