Chapter Six: The Bond
Darkness loomed in the Canadian sky when Anna and James stopped for the night in an abandoned house just north of the border somewhere near Niagara Falls. For two weeks, the pair had been on the road as they took the long way North, avoiding any major roads and larger cities. Thus far they'd done a fairly decent job drawing attention to themselves. They'd gotten this far after all.
Once they'd secured their residence for the night, Anna claimed the worn, moth-eaten floral couch in the living room ready to relax for the evening. Even without her powers, she sensed the super soldier brooding. His silhouette, merely, an outline in the moonlight as he sat, ridgedly an armchair not too far away from her position.
"You know I could help you if you want." Anna offered, quietly through the darkness as she angled her body to face him more, "You know... with your memories."
The assassin didn't respond, either ignoring her or too lost in thought to even notice she'd spoken to him. Knowing James, Anna was fairly certain it was the latter. Since she'd known him there were times when he'd get this way, unresponsive and sullen. She often wondered if he knew where or what he was doing during those silent times. Nonetheless, she was concerned for the man and recognized his continued struggle.
Sitting up Anna felt tempted to reach out to him, but refrained instead calling, "James?"
He tensed at the sound of his name as if he hadn't been expecting her voice to filter in past his thoughts before he turned his head so that she only saw his profile.
"Get some sleep, we have a lot to do tomorrow." His words were soft as he held her gaze before glancing back out of the window.
As much as Anna knew her body required sleep, she didn't want to. Sleep only brought with it nightmares she didn't want to face.
"You could use some yourself." She grumbled darkly glaring at her companion.
In response, the super soldier grunted, "I don't need sleep."
"You're a human being, you need sleep."
He scoffed and gave no more response as though not believing her words. His tone caused the brunette to frown as she looked at the back of his head in confusion, "What?"
"If you still think I'm human, you're delusional." He muttered, sounding almost sad.
"You forget that I've been inside your head. I know you're human." She reminded him, knowing full well that he'd continue to ignore the fact and not respond. So the young woman pushed on, offering once again, "At least let me try. What's the worst that could happen?"
"I could kill you."
The tone of the room shifted dangerously under the assassin's words as if he truly could intend to hurt her even now. After everything. Yet Anna saw through his bluff as a certain smugness settled in her chest as she gloated, "But you won't, thanks to my father."
"Why do you even want to help me?" Bucky was at a loss, her motives still unclear to him.
She looked at him in confusion, frowning as if there it was the most logical thing on the planet, "Why wouldn't I?"
"Because I'm a monster. A machine. I've killed people. I found you and your mother, I led them straight to you." He listed off, rage and defeat filling every word.
"I told you before how I feel about that. Now let me in so I can help you." Determination boiled up inside of her as the desire to bring Bucky back to the surface burned inside her. Anna believed he deserved to be in control of his own mind and wasn't going to let anyone, even him stop her.
"Can you choose what you see?" His question was small and soft, filled with uncertainty.
Anna shrugged, awkwardly, "Sort of… I mean, normally, it's kind of like a file cabinet of movies that's been put in chronological order; but with you they really wanted you to forget so it's almost like I'm searching for fossils in a desert. The past is still there. It's just buried and more of an imprint than the real thing."
"I know you've done it before, seen who I was before the war, but can you see me without seeing the soldier?" He asked nervous, almost scared.
"Do you want me to try?" He was quiet for a long time. Just staring out the window.
"Do it." He urged, unable to look at her.
Hesitating for a moment before closing her eyes, Anna dove into his mind as gently as she could. She felt him flinch as she wandered through the darkness searching for memories. The ones of their escape were at the forefront of his mind and easily passed by. Soon the flashes slowed until they were almost nonexistent. Soon she saw one, she pressed in on it. Suddenly, she was in Brooklyn in the 1940's
The streets were gray, the sun barely peeking through the clouds as James Barnes strutted down the street looking for his best friend. He knew Steve as well as he knew himself. He was gonna be at a recruiting office or the theater. He knew he was in the right place when when he heard a scuffle in an alleyway. Rounding the corner he saw his best friend, his Stevie getting knocked into a set of garbage cans. "Hey." James shouted, pulling the unknown assailant off of his small friend. "Pick on somebody your own size." The man swung, but James dodged, a confidant air to his movements as he stepped forward and swung catching him the man in the jaw, before kicking him out of the alley.
Anna pulled away and looked at James. "I knew he was too big." She allowed herself a small smile at his words.
"Yeah?" She asked, softly.
The man nodded, looking up at her, turning away from the window. "Why can I only remember when I'm with you?" There was a vulnerability in his voice as he kept his eyes on her. He was scared of something… But what?
She looked down at her hands twisting her fingers, "I think that whatever my dad did sort of forced a bond on us. I remember so much more of your memories than anyone else's. It's almost like I save them, like once I see them they're permanent. Sometimes I can see your memories in my dreams, like I'm finding you without even trying. I don't really know how to explain it."
"I don't want you to see all that I've done." He stated softly, running a hand through his brown locks.
"I already have." Anna shook her head as she tried to find a way to reassure him that she didn't think less of him.
"Then why are you still here?"
Blinking, she was taken aback by his question and inquired back, in confusion, "What do you mean?"
"How can you be here with me... after knowing what I've done?" James was completely unaware of how important he was to her. How she would be dead without him. How deep down he was a decent person, he had protected and defended her even before her father stepped in to meddle. He was her only safe haven.
"Because-" She began, only for pure agony to fill her and cut her off. Pulses of electric current surged through her. Wave after wave caused her muscles to spasm her body was rendered useless falling to the floor as pain exploded in her brain and screams tore at her throat. She squeezed her eyes shut to try to reduce the spots now swarming her vision. She could pay no attention to the world around her as James fought off their assailants. He stood over her striking down all those who entered the small room. When the last body fell James ran to her side. She lay writhing on the filthy floor screaming through the pain.
"What do I do?" He screamed at her. The pain was becoming too much she began seizing, leaving James in a panic. Frantically he searched through the bodies lying on the floor. Finally, locating the remote and smashing it. Her screams quieted, but the seizures convulsing her body continued. Frightened, he knelt beside her holding her close, watching as her eyes rolled back in her head. After a what felt like an eternity to James, she calmed down, but refused to open her eyes, the pain still pumping throughout her body.
"Anna, can you hear me?" He asked, gently pushing the hair out of her face, running his hand over her cheek. His hands were shaking as he cradled her close to himself. Flashes of distant memories assaulted his mind and he tightened his grip on her. Siberia, the chair, all of his screams as he was subjected to the mind wipes. He fought to shake the broken memories from his mind. He had to leave those memories behind, he had to get you out.
Quickly he stood, his current mission on his mind. With his metal arm holding Anna steady, his grip on her tightened with each ragged breath as he began to gather the discarded weapons from the corpses of the Hydra agents that littered the room. Stuffing them quickly into a bag, he cast one last glance around the blood stained walls before dashing out of the house towards the car which they'd hidden behind the building. Moving quickly as he could, he buckled Anna in and threw the weapons in the trunk before getting in the vehicle himself. Anna let out a small groan as James started the car and sped down the road.
"Hey, can you hear me?" He inquired once more, receiving a mere grunted in response from his companion. "Come on, doll, you gotta talk to me." He heard a huff and glanced over at her. A small smirk turned up in the corner of her mouth and her eyes fluttered open.
"You laughing at me?" He asked, coming to the realization.
"You just called me doll." She whispered, cringing as she grabbed her head.
"That's what you're focusing on?" He snapped back, annoyed although he couldn't deny the relief melting away the weight that had been crushing his chest.
"Yeah. I like it."
Sighing, he leaned back in the driver seat, absently running a hand down his face, "Kid, you're gonna be the death of me."
"Don't call me kid, old man."
Glancing at each other, both parties grinned as the moonlight illuminated their faces. He rolled his eyes at her and focused back on the road. Fighting through her headache, Anna couldn't look away from him, the man seemed to glow in the pale light and the ghost of a smirk crept its way onto his face. She doubted he even realized that he was smiling. Slowly, she reached her hand out and grazed his arm. He flinched away as she knew he would. But it got his attention.
"Thank you."
"For what?" He asked, raising a single eyebrow.
"For fighting for me." Anna looked down at her hands folded in her lap briefly before looking back into his steel blue eyes that held emotions that the winter soldier could never be capable of feeling.
"I told you, I won't let them touch you, ever again."
"I wish I could forget." She spoke softly, but the super soldier heard it anyway.
"I wish I could remember." He responded, his hands flexing on the steering wheel.
She let out a breathy laugh. "We're quite the pair aren't we?" He grunted in affirmation.
"I feel like I'm taking advantage of you." He quirked that brow again, "You're doing everything for me, and I'm not doing shit for you."
"The fuck you aren't," It was her turn to raise her eyebrows, "I'd still be a machine without you. You brought back James Barnes, I didn't."
"I'll make you a deal, you stick with me, and I'll help you be James Barnes again." He looked over at her his smirk stretching into an almost smile.
"Punk." He said a feeling of familiarity washing over him.
"Bitch." Anna groaned out, glaring at him, though a small smirk still rested on her lips.
"You're supposed to say jerk." He said confused.
"Who made up those rules?" She inquired, teeth clenching through an aftershock.
"I-I don't remember." He said growing quiet.
"Don't worry, you will." She smiled at him.
It wasn't a quirk of her lips like all the others, but a genuine smile just for him. For a minute he was struck by how innocent she looked, despite the scars and the pain he knew she suffered, she seemed so pure and perfect to him in that moment. This girl had looked into his mind, had seen the damage that couldn't be undone and had found a soul buried deep inside, and she wanted to save him, and he knew brainwashed or not, he would keep her safe, till the end of the line.