Chapter Forty Seven

"Did you ever play that game when you were a kid? Where you'd try and make out the shapes of the clouds?"

Jesus, I missed him.

Memories of Chris came flooding back without warning. It was as though I had supressed a million memories of he and I together since we'd been apart. But now we were back together, the floodgates were open again. They came back to me day and night; I could be walking to the store, reading a magazine, or brushing down my front steps when I would hear his voice in my ear as clearly as if he had showed up at my door from California. The cloud memory came when I was lying in the yard watching Mikey run through the grass in an attempt to catch crickets.

"Did you ever play that game when you were a kid? Where you'd try and make out the shapes of the clouds?"

I frowned.

"Nah."

"Sure, you did." He shifted slightly underneath me. We lay in the field next to Fran's house staring up at the summer's sky, my head on his chest. "Everybody played it."

"Not me. I was probably counting my ma's beer bottles."

He chuckled.

"Well, then you missed out on a rite of passage. Come on, let's play."

"Huh?"

"See that cloud up there? It looks like an elephant."

I looked in the direction he was pointing but I couldn't see anything except wispy clouds against a deep blue sky.

"Nope. Don't see it."

"Sure, you do. There's his trunk. And his back. And there's his tail."

"It's just clouds."

I could feel his frown without looking up.

"Why are you so grumpy?"

"I'm not grumpy. This is stupid."

"It's fun. Close your eyes. Close your eyes and dont think about anything. Then look again."

"Do I have to?"

"Yes."

So I closed my eyes. I breathed in the scent of the corn field, the touch of his hand against my warm skin. And then I looked.

"A heart."

"What?"

"I see a love heart. Right over there. But it's the gap in the clouds, not the actual clouds. You see?"

"Thinking outside the box already. I like it." His chuckle warmed my insides. "Of all things, huh? A heart."

I elbowed him.

"What's that mean?"

"It means that you love me. That you're crazy about me. That you could stay like this in this field forever."

I scoffed and slapped him idly with the back of my mind.

"What makes you think that, big shot?"

"Because." He caught my hand and linked his fingers through mine. "I was thinking the exact same thing."

888

"I need to stop watching movies I've read the book of."

I was waiting to cross the street when I saw a poster for the film True Grit- based on the novel by Charlie Portis. It had been some time since I'd been to a movie. Ace and I rarely went anywhere after Mikey was born. Chris and I had gone all the time though.

"I need to stop watching movies I've read the book of."

It was a warm summer's night and we were walking back from the drive in. Chris and Gordie were still working on getting the skylark finished so we'd walked in and sat down at the seats up front.

"What are you talking about? That movie was awesome!"

We didn't always agree on choice of movie but watching the Carpet Baggers had been an easy agreement. I liked the name of it and Chris said it was one of his favourite books. We had only made out a couple of times which wasn't like us at all since I was so engrossed in the screen.

Chris pulled a face.

"You haven't read the book. It kinda killed it for me."

"What are you talking about?"

"Think about it. Any film you ever read the book of turns out to be a disappointment."

"That's not true!" I felt indignant. "Gone with the Wind was way better than the book."

"You read it?"

"Yes."

"All of it?"

"Well, no. But thats because it was so damn dull. I watched the entire movie though!"

"Not the same thing. The book is way darker than the glossy shit they put in the movie. Movies have to censor everything. It takes out essential messages, completely excludes the Ku Klux Klan from the running and-"

"The KKK is in Gone with the Wind?"

He looked at me and laughed.

"Glory, how much did you read before you fell asleep?"

"Hey!" I protested. "Okay. To Kill a Mocking Bird. That movie rocked."

"It was decent. But you lose Scout in the movie. It becomes all about Jem. I felt kinda disappointed at the limitations of her character. And again, all the dark stuff is excluded. No implications about incest, and all the racial challenges get rolled into a damn court room drama. It's bullshit."

I was stumped for a second.

"I never thought about it that way..."

"Well, you have now." He grinned at me. "Maybe we should both stop seeing movie versions of good books."

I stopped walking for a second, pulling him to a halt.

"Chris?"

He raised his head towards me and i leaned up and kissed him hard on the mouth. He kissed me back, smiling as we pulled apart.

"What was that for?"

"For being so damn smart. It's hell a hot."

"You're hell a hot." His fingers tightened around mine and he pulled me closer to him, planting a kiss on my cheek.

888

"Will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?"

"You're insane!"

"No, I was insane for not asking you five years ago."

The phone started ringing while I was trying to go over my course work. My book keeping class was tough and I was always tired by the time Mikey was in bed. Tonight I was pretty sure I was adding it all up wrong. I sighed and got up to answer the phone.

It was probably for Gordie. Who was out with the new History teacher at the high school- showing her the town- which would have taken all of twenty minutes. He'd been gone three hours.

Probably Mrs Lachance, I thought. After all the years of neglect, Gordie finally moved out and suddenly she was almost an overbearing mother.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Beautiful."

I smiled into the phone.

"Hey."

There was something about his voice that just made me feel crazy happy.

"How you doing? You have a good day?" He was at a payphone, i could hear the noise and laughter of a crowd in the background.

"It was busy," I said, "Tiring. I'm remembering how much I hated math."

"Hey, you're good at math," he said. "You just need to remember that."

"I'll try. How was your day?"

He sighed a little.

"It got a whole lot better as soon as I heard your voice. I miss you, Nina."

"I miss you too," I said. "When are you coming home?"

"Tomorrow." I could hear he was grinning. "I was going to surprise you but I couldn't wait. I picked something up today and I kinda feel like I have to give it to you in person."

I clenched and unclenched my fist before looking down at my bare fingers.

"What time, tomorrow?"

"My bus gets in at six. Gordie'll pick me up."

"Mikey'll be asleep by the time you get here," I warned.

"So I'll see him the day after. All I wanna do is hold you in my arms and kiss you."

"You are so soft," I laughed.

"With you, I am," he agreed.

The two of us laughed intimately.

"Babe, I'm out of quarters," he said quickly as the phone began to beep. "I'll see you tomorrow. Love you."

"Love you," I called back but the phone died so I wasn't sure if he'd heard me or not.

I finished the math homework much more quickly after I went back to it. Chris made me feel smarter, and more confident. He always had.

888

It was way past eight o clock when I heard Gordie come into the house.

I walked out into the hall with a smile on my face.

"I was starting to worry…was the bus late?" My smile dropped when I realised Gordie was alone. "Where is he?"

"I don't know. He didn't show. The bus came and went and I thought maybe he'd missed it so I waited for the next one. But he wasn't on that either. Did anybody call?"

"No."

We stared at each other for a moment. He grinned and gave me a shove.

"Don't look so serious. If he said he'll be here, he'll be here, okay?"

I tried to smile back but I had a weird feeling in my stomach. Chris wouldn't just not show up.

By ten o clock, I was frantic.

"Will you call the Chambers place?"

Gordie looked at me like i was nuts.

"He wouldn't go there before here."

"Maybe he would. His Dad's sick, remember?"

So Gordie called. But nobody answered there.

"Where else can we try?" Gordie asked, resetting the phone down in it's cradle. Chris didn't have a phone in his apartment but I had called him at the bar he had taken me to before.

"I could try the bar he drinks in?" I hesitated for a moment before I finally picked up the phone.

"Hello?" The bar was noisy but I recognised Gerry's voice right away.

"Hello, Gerry? This is Nina…Willis. I'm a friend of Chris Chambers?"

"Oh. Hang on." Gerry sounded like he was going someplace a little quieter. "I'm so sorry, Nina. Chris was a great kid."

"What?" I could hear the words but they weren't really penetrating my brain. "Chris was due back in Oregon at 6pm. He didn't show. Have you seen him?"

"Nina..sweetheart…Chris was killed last night across the street…stabbed...I'm so sorry…"

I dropped the phone like it was on fire and Gordie snatched it up from the floor.

"Hello? Who is this? Yeah, I'm a friend of Chris'. He what? Are you sure? Are you sure, man?"

But Gordie's words and the world around me seemed to melt away. All I could see was Chris Chambers in the early hours of the morning wearing a damp t shirt with his face lit up like a kids.

888

A.N: Sorry to disappoint those of you who wanted Chris to live. It wouldn't be the same story if he did as much as I would have liked him to. The themes of grief and death are all a part of the framework that make Stand By Me what it is.