A/N: Thanks to the folks who sent kofi or Starbuck's card donations to me recently! One more chapter to go (probably).
Dedicated to netamashii who has doodled many a wonderful Dream fanarts.
Despite having felt anxious after waking this morning, nothing especially traumatic had happened so far, and it was already after 9 p.m. A small group was hanging out at Hidan's bungalow in Ballard. Since Itachi had driven, Sasuke brought along his guitar, figuring the rest of the guys might want to jam while drinking beer. The perceptiveness of his older brother had always made Sasuke uncomfortable to a degree, but, in this instance, he appreciated Itachi's offer of getting out of the house. Although he couldn't remember his dreams very well, they'd left him feeling jarred all day. Almost like he couldn't get his skin to stop itching.
A few beers later, three of them were sitting around Hidan's recording equipment, playing and singing. They'd teased Sasuke about his recent singing debut, but having already downed several bottles of Stella, he didn't feel the least bit self-conscious. Rather, the strange feeling of foreboding he'd been carrying all day had begun transforming into something more like melancholy. At the center of his core, there did, indeed, still sit this odd premonition he was about to lose something or someone important.
If it was about Naruto—because he did remember dreaming of that older him—in what ways could he lose Naruto more than he already had? Was it because he feared losing him to Rin? If so, would he be willing to fight for his love? He liked Rin, and buried deep down, there was also a part of himself that might be capable of wishing the best for Naruto. A part of him that desired for the blond to be happy and to date someone who could… be more open and honest than Sasuke was capable of right now. Isn't that what Naruto deserved? Well, it was if Sasuke pushed aside all of his selfish motivations for a moment of inebriated self-reflection anyway. However, the thought of letting Naruto go hit him quite hard.
While the others—Jiroubou, Hidan, and Kimimaro—sat on Hidan's ugly plaid couch, Sasuke settled his acoustic on his lap and started to strum. He hummed at first, closing his eyes. He could feel the gazes of everyone upon him, including Deidara and Itachi, who were sitting at the counter talking. Without realizing he'd meant to sing this one particular song, Sasuke shut his eyes again, allowing the lyrics to slip freely from his lips. His voice came out low and strange. Unfamiliar to him. It left him shivering, with goosebumps arising along both arms.
"I'll cross my heart and hope to die. Before I'd have the chance to lie. To you, my dear. Who I wish no harm. But I know, in the end, this will turn out wrong."
He watched his fingers on the strings. Tiny automatons coordinating together effortlessly.
"See, I've been known to fall in love. But, sometimes love just is not enough."
Gazing around the room, Sasuke felt inextricably alone. Though faces stared back at him, it was like none of them were real. As surreal as his dream last night.
"And my heart will stray before too long. So, please, forgive me. For when I sing… this song."
While playing out the remaining bars, he hummed the gentle melody, and then attempted to sing it out loud, voice finally cracking at the end. He set the guitar flat on his lap, looked up, and saw that everyone was staring. They were so quiet, it was unnerving. Sasuke, giving it no thought, grabbed for his beer bottle and swallowed. He wiped his mouth. Still unsettled by the silence, he turned a glare toward the men on the couch.
"What?" He asked.
Instead of answering, Hidan turned to Jiroubou.
"You got that on tape, right?" Hidan asked.
"U-uh, yeah," Jiroubou answered, checking the recording device sitting on the coffee table.
The mood was soon broken by the sound of Deidara blowing his nose. Itachi consoled the long-haired blond by rubbing his back. Sasuke met his brother's gaze. No words were exchanged. As coolly as he could, Sasuke sat back in his chair and brushed his hair out of his eyes, loosely tucking it behind one ear. He placed the guitar to the side.
Just as he was about to get up for another beer, Hidan stood from his seat and handed Sasuke his own bottle. He eyed the main questioningly, but took it from him.
"Thanks."
"Sure." Hidan nodded. "Seems like you need it."
He didn't give a reply and was suddenly struck by this odd and frightening feeling of sinking deep into himself. Eventually, the group began to talk amongst themselves. Maybe they started to play, too. He couldn't really remember or concentrate, being too lost in his own dejection and despondency. That sense of foreboding had returned, too, and Sasuke didn't know how to shake it off.
Other than to make sure this bottle of beer wouldn't be his last for the evening.
"Don't look at me like that," Naruto said while he was pissing into a urinal at some seedy bar they found downtown.
It wasn't the safest area, but he and Gaara had befriended an older guy who wasn't shy about buying their drinks. Apparently he thought it was hilarious to provide alcohol to a couple of smart-mouthed minors. It worked out well for them, so not like either were complaining.
"I'm just thinking about what you told me earlier," Gaara replied. He was leaning against the sink, arms crossed, and watching Naruto while he peed.
"What? About Sasuke?" Naruto gave himself a another last shake before zipping up.
"Yeah. I just… never pegged you as gay." Gaara shrugged.
Naruto eyed him curiously. "Problem?"
"No. You always were good at surprising people, so I suppose this isn't… very surprising."
Naruto went to the sink to wash his hands, and Gaara got out of his way.
"By the way," he said. "I'm not gay. I… got caught up in somethin' with the guy, confessed, and got rejected like the idiot I am."
"I see. Yes, I believe you mentioned that in excruciating detail."
Naruto flung the excess water from his hands onto his friend. "Hey, it's the first time I've had my heart broken. Have a little sympathy for a guy."
"I thought my sister was the first to break your heart?" Gaara tore off some paper towels for him. There wasn't even a holder; it was sitting on the sink, half damp.
"That was only lust," Naruto replied, drying his hands. "Probably?" He shook his head. "Anyway. Not sure why you were thinkin' about that while I had my junk whipped out."
Gaara snorted. "Don't flatter yourself, Uzumaki. Even if I were gay, you wouldn't be my type."
"Huh?" Naruto tossed the wadded up towels into the overflowing garbage. "Why would you say that? You're supposed to be my best friend!"
"Doesn't mean I'd bone you. I definitely couldn't handle a romantic relationship with you."
Gaara wore a serious expression (for him anyway), so Naruto had a hard time not taking offense, even if it was a silly conversation. It didn't help they'd been drinking most of the night.
He scowled. "What's so wrong with me that you wouldn't date me? I make a great boyfriend."
"Until you lose interest," Gaara replied. "I think you'd be too emotionally high-maintenance for me. But, that's because I'm hardly capable of those feelings myself."
"You're really givin' this serious thought?" Naruto slipped a hand into his pocket. "Y'know, you kinda sound like Sasuke if I'm honest. He'd probably nitpick my personality to death, too."
"Would he?" Gaara smirked. "Then maybe he and I would get along."
"Tch." Naruto shoved into him. "Like the two of you will ever meet. I won't allow it. It'd be like watchin' alternate realities collide. Way too trippy. But, in a bad way."
"Speaking of." Gaara pulled a joint out of his pocket. "Thought we could go back out to that alley we came in from."
"Where the hell did you get that?" Naruto asked. "You said you didn't bring any."
"I didn't."
"So, where did you get it from?" He asked. "I mean, yeah. It's legal here and stuff, but when were you away from me long enough that you could score pot?"
"When you were flirting with some random chick at the bar," Gaara replied, slipping the joint into the back pocket of his jeans. "Are you in or not? I'll smoke it without you if you want to continue getting over your boyfriend by talking up some air-headed blonde."
"Wow, judgmental much." Naruto folded his arms behind his head and rocked on his heels, thinking. "And I wasn't flirtin' with her. It's called makin' conversation. Try it some time."
"I try it out on you, and it's worked just fine." Gaara's smirk bloomed into a small smile.
Naruto smiled back, chuckling and rubbing the side of his nose. "Aw, shucks."
He slipped an arm around his friend's shoulder.
Gaara shot him a sidelong glare. "Just don't get any ideas."
"C'mon." Naruto squeezed his shoulder. "Don't you know how lucky you'd be to get a piece of this?"
"I don't think I want sloppy seconds." Gaara pulled a face. "Have you been tested for diseases? Who knows what's going on down there." His gaze fell to Naruto's crotch.
"Asshole!" Naruto laughed. "Yeah… I'm… all good down there. Nothin's gonna fall off anytime soon."
"If you say so."
Naruto maneuvered them out of the bathroom. They both went to grab the coats they'd left lying across the seats of their booth. There weren't a lot of people, but it definitely was an establishment that seemed to attract a rougher crowd—bikers and such. Their friend from earlier had a bike, which is why they'd struck up a conversation. He and Gaara were both interested in motorcycles, but Gaara was far more knowledgeable about them since he had experience working in an auto shop. The guy thought it was funny they'd stolen one and gone on a joyride when they were only 14. Thought it was even funnier they'd been pulled over, too.
But, that was sort of the difference in hanging out with Gaara versus Sasuke. Sasuke was a goody two-shoes for the most part, but Gaara… they had fun getting into trouble together. He felt comfortable with his red-haired friend, and Gaara accepted every part of him. Even when his friends had started abandoning him after his mom got sick, Gaara was always there. He wasn't the most physically affectionate person, but Naruto knew Gaara was the most loyal friend he'd ever have in life. And he knew he'd do anything for Gaara, too. It was kind of nice to have that type of person in his life. Someone he could trust. Someone who put up with all of the different sides to his personality. Ones he'd never even shown Sasuke. Not that Sasuke was someone he necessarily trusted anymore.
Right? He didn't, did he? No, not especially.
That was a big part of their problem. It was Naruto's mistake for judging him incorrectly. For thinking he could trust Sasuke in the same way he trusted Gaara. He didn't want to be anyone's doormat, no matter how much he liked that jerk. It was difficult, but Naruto knew he deserved better, which was saying a lot since there'd been plenty of times in his life when he'd felt pretty worthless. In future, he'd be able to get over it and move on. That's just how these one-sided relationships worked, and pinning his hopes on Rin seemed pretty tricky, too.
"Naruto?" Gaara said, snapping him out of his thoughts.
They'd put on their coats, but Naruto had stood there a while, staring into space.
"Uh, sorry." He laughed, scratching the back of his head.
"Thinking about Sasuke… or that girl you hung out with last night?"
Naruto considered making a joke of it. He didn't have the energy, though.
"Both," he answered honestly.
"Ah." Gaara nodded. "A love triangle then."
"Nah." Naruto reached into Gaara's pocket and dug out a lighter.
"That's considered sexual harassment in some countries," Gaara told him jokingly since the pocket had been the back one of his jeans.
"Heh. Maybe I can get a job in the Trump administration, y'think?"
"Not if you want to continue being friends." Gaara took the lighter from him. "I don't think it's safe to let you play with fire. Even if your people invented them."
"'Your people'?" He repeated questioningly.
"Yes. Cavemen. Neandertal. Your people."
"Heh. Hilarious." Naruto barked out a laugh. "Why you so good to me, bro? Why?" He gave Gaara another love shove, directing him toward the door leading to the back alley. "You gonna protect me if any big, scary guys come onto me out there while we smoke?"
"I did bring a knife if that makes you feel any better."
"Ah… yeah, I'm not surprised."
"Seattle's not Chicago, but better safe than sorry." Gaara pulled out the pocket knife and flipped out the blade. It glinted, even in the dim lights of the bar.
Naruto grinned. "You always did make a helluva bodyguard. Used to scare the shit out of the kids in the neighborhood. Back when we met on the playground. In that sandbox."
"Every one of those kids was always scared of me… but not you."
"Yeah, I always wondered why you'd be playin' alone in there when it looked so fun."
"As I recall, you didn't have many friends either." Gaara opened the door for them. It smelled like garbage with the Dumpsters nearby, but it was also a nice night. There was a little bit of snow falling. Naruto stared up at the dark sky, feeling a flash of melancholy.
They walked down the few steps to the alley and found a dark spot away from the street lights. Leaning against the concrete wall, Gaara lit up the joint and offered it to Naruto.
"Ladies first," Gaara said.
"Since ladies are pretty fuckin' awesome, I'll take that as a compliment." Naruto snatched it from his fingers and promptly inhaled. "Shiiit. I needed this."
"I could tell." Gaara waited for him to take another puff before grabbing it from his fingers. "So, you do still like women then? What do you call yourself? Bisexual? Sasuke… sexual?"
"Heh. I have referred to myself like that before. You're smart. We always think alike."
"Sometimes," Gaara replied, tone light and thoughtful.
"I guess… I dunno what I am. Not anything maybe? Not even sure what all the labels are, though I've heard most of 'em… none really describe me… so… dunno?"
"Labels are for the small-minded." Gaara gave him a look. "Do and be whatever the fuck you want, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise."
Naruto stared at him for more than a handful of seconds.
"...Don't cry. You know that makes me uncomfortable," Gaara mumbled, sliding away from him.
"Sorry." Naruto stepped closer despite the scary look it earned him. "I won't do it again. Made me all… teary for a moment. I hope you know how much I appreciate you, Gaara. Honestly. You've always accepted me exactly as I am… and I… yeah. I'd do absolutely anything for you."
"No need to do anything," said Gaara. "Just be you, Uzumaki. That's all I ask."
Naruto choked back a sob. "Dammit. I know you're gonna punch me. But… I gotta." He launched himself at Gaara, hugging him tightly.
Gaara froze. "I'll allow this… this one time because you're emotional from your break up, but you better move soon or I'll burn a hole in that expensive coat your dad bought you."
Chuckling, Naruto backed away and resumed his position against the wall. "Gimme that."
Gaara handed over the joint. "I've got more."
"I figured." Naruto smirked. "How much did it cost anyway?"
"I got a discount." Gaara glanced toward the other end of the alley where they could hear a couple of guys shouting at each other. "Or, I should say I made a trade."
"I think the less I know, the better."
Gaara snickered. "Probably."
"I'm really fuckin' glad you're here." Naruto cast his gaze to the sky. "I've missed you."
Gaara didn't reply, didn't return the sentiment, but he didn't have to because, without any doubt in his mind, Naruto knew exactly how Gaara felt about him. And that was… really great.
"I really did need this," Naruto mumbled.
"Glad I could be of help." Gaara gave his shoulder the lightest bump.
"I wasn't talkin' about the pot, by the way." He glanced over at his friend in a meaningful way.
Gaara shared his look. "I know. Like I said… glad I could be of help, Naruto."
The shitty thing about Itachi having hot friends was that it made it difficult for Sasuke to hit on them with his brother present. Granted, it was probably all fun and games because Sasuke had already fallen under the very drunk category about two drinks ago. It wasn't his fault that Kimimaro had tied his hair into this loose bun after he'd picked up one of the other acoustics to play with Hidan. Sasuke, for a moment, imagined what a relationship could be like with him. It… wasn't especially appealing other than Kimimaro was a kind-hearted person. Perhaps a little too gentle for Sasuke's liking. He, deep down, wanted someone who could throw him around some.
"That smirk on your face tells me you're thinking somethin' disgusting," Hidan mumbled in his ear.
It would've startled him except he was… in an extremely relaxed state.
"Mind your own business," he replied. "Don't you have an, uh… " Sasuke couldn't think of a proper comeback, so he decided to scowl instead.
"Really? That's all you got?" Hidan cackled like it was the funniest fucking thing and slapped him on the back, much to his annoyance.
Sasuke glanced around the room. While he'd been ogling Kimimaro, he hadn't realized that Itachi had disappeared.
"Where's Itachi?" He asked, throwing his leg over the arm of his chair.
"Went out on the balcony," Hidan answered. "Got a phone call or somethin'."
"And he had to…" Sasuke chugged the remainder of his vodka and Coke. "Go outside to do it?"
"Even your brother is allowed privacy on occasion," Hidan answered. "Always this nosy when you're drunk, Sasuke?"
"Shut up, Hidan."
"Another excellent comeback I'll have to write about in my journal tonight." Hidan plucked the glass from his hand. "I'll get you another. That way maybe you'll pass out and stop talkin' soon."
"Tch. You'll probably just try to get in my pants… take advantage of me."
"In your dreams, kid. You're too high-maintenance for me. And I don't like dick."
"That's what they all say," Sasuke muttered, throwing both of his arms up in the air and then using one to cover his eyes. "S'dark in here."
He was in a weird mood and would've picked up his guitar again if he thought his fingers would coordinate. Wasn't much in the mood to embarrass himself by playing like shit. In a way, it was nice to be out of his mind drunk. It got tiring thinking about Naruto all of the time. In fact, it got tiring thinking about all of his problems all of the time. This is what teenagers were supposed to do, right? Get drunk. Make stupid, irresponsible decisions that could be blamed on youth. Sasuke wasn't that type of teenager, but it seemed a good enough excuse for tonight.
It felt like only minutes that he'd close his eyes against the blinding living room lights. When he opened them again, it was to see his brother with coat and shoes on, talking to Deidara and Kimimaro in a hushed voice. Itachi, sensing he was being watched, glanced over at Sasuke in that instant. From his expression, it looked as though something was wrong. So much so that he sobered up rather quickly. His first thought was of their parents. Remembering how he'd been left in the dark last time, Sasuke immediately got to his feet and walked over to his brother.
"What's wrong?" He asked. "Is it father?"
Itachi's eyebrow quirked in confusion for a second before his brow smoothed out.
"No, it's not father," Itachi answered.
"What is it then? Why do you look like someone died?" Sasuke held onto his brother, getting the sense Itachi had the intention of leaving without explaining anything.
Itachi glanced at the other two men he'd been whispering with and gave a nod.
"Let us know how it goes," Deidara said. "Or I'll be worried all night."
"Let us know if we can be of any help," Kimimaro added before both men joined Hidan and Jiroubou in the kitchen. Whether those two were also in on it, he didn't know.
"What's going on?" Sasuke repeated.
Itachi tightened his scarf. "It's nothing."
"Don't jerk me around, Itachi." He squeezed his brother's arm. "What's going on?"
"Just pass out on the couch, Sasuke. You look drunk."
Sasuke narrowed his eyes. "Don't treat me like a child. Obviously it's something serious."
Itachi gave him a measuring look and then sighed. "I… received a call a friend at one of the downtown precincts. I need to drive there now."
"What do you mean?" Ah, he shouldn't have had so many drinks because it was more difficult than usual to process this information. All he knew was that his nerves had kicked in, and then he was reminded of that feeling he'd had this morning after waking up from a bad dream.
"I don't have time to explain." Itachi pulled his keys out of his coat pocket. "Stay here, and I'll call later with an update."
"An update?" He asked, raising his voice in irritation. "Update about what? The fuck, Itachi? Stop… stop hiding shit from me. Just like last time with father—"
Itachi shot him a withering glare. "That's exactly the reason I don't want to get you involved."
A scary thought occurred to him. So terrifying that his heart dropped into his stomach.
"...Is it Naruto?" He shook his brother. "Did something happen to Naruto?"
Itachi grimaced.
Going light-headed, Sasuke thought he might actually faint. Images of Naruto getting into some accident suddenly appeared in his mind, and all he could think about—
"Sasuke."
When he snapped to, Itachi had his hands on both of Sasuke's shoulders and was shaking him.
"I don't have all of the details," Itachi told him. "But it sounds like Naruto got into a fight. My friend called out of courtesy since he's met Naruto before. I have to go now, though."
"I… I want to go."
"I'm not sure that's—"
Sasuke turned away from him, searching wildly for his coat, scarf, and boots. He had so much trouble lacing his boots up that Itachi sat him down on the chair and tied them for Sasuke. When he finished, his brother held out a hand. Sasuke took it, noticing how sweaty his palm was and that he was actually shaking from fear. Why could he only imagine terrible things? He tried to think about what Naruto could have possibly gotten up to. He had that friend in town… one that was notorious for dragging Naruto into trouble. What kind of fight? If it was serious, wouldn't they be going to the hospital? Sasuke's head was spinning. As soon as he was up on his feet, the both of them were quick to leave Hidan's place. It was with a cold dread that he headed for Itachi's car, nearly slipping once or twice on the icy pavement. Itachi was quiet, too, and that didn't make him feel a whole lot better. He really wanted him to say something. Anything.
"I'm sure he's okay, Sasuke."
He immediately looked away, out the window. All of the shit that had happened between them over the past month—past several months—seemed so petty and stupid now.
While his first concern was making sure Naruto was alive… if it was that friend of his who put Naruto in a dangerous situation, Sasuke wouldn't let him leave Seattle without hunting him down and destroying his very existence. Nobody fucked with the people Sasuke cared for and lived to tell about it. That was something he and his brother definitely had in common.
Uchiha were all about revenge. Push them far enough, and they could become a terrifying enemy. In fact, they could become your worst fucking nightmare.
Naruto was sitting in a holding cell, trying not to throw up. With his dad out of town (and also not wanting him to know), he'd panicked and had the arresting officer call Itachi. Not that he'd technically been arrested because, for one, the guy apparently knew Itachi Uchiha well and, also, the other people involved hadn't pressed charges. Perhaps because they'd sold drugs to minors. Since Gaara already had a prior run-in with a law as a juvenile, Naruto had told him to beat it. Although reluctant, Gaara finally left and, hopefully, was back at the apartment. Because Naruto's own record was clean, it seemed a good idea at the time, but waiting in the cell with all these other shady characters wasn't exactly how he'd planned on spending the evening. The officer had also taken away all of his belongings. Luckily all they'd found on him was a joint, so he was fairly confident they wouldn't do anything to him except maybe charge a fine. All he knew was that he had to wait here until Itachi came to bail him out or however this worked.
It wasn't until after taking a piss with a couple of other guys watching that an officer came up to the cell, keys jingling in hand, and announced that someone was here to pick him up. Naruto practically sprinted out the door, ignoring a catcall about his ass from some white, Nazi-looking guy. It was with relief that Naruto spotted Itachi from around the corner, talking to the officer who'd brought him in… but it was with surprise (followed by irritation) that he saw Sasuke.
Never would he have expected Itachi to tell Sasuke, but it was even more surprising that Sasuke had come with his brother to a jail. What the fuck? He made his face as blank as possible. He'd been willing to grovel in front of Itachi, but adding Sasuke to the equation only made things awkward and confusing. The first thing he noticed about Sasuke was that… well, he didn't appear entirely sober, but someone like Sasuke could pull that off as just looking really stuck up and bitchy. The second was, because almost as soon as Naruto noticed him, Sasuke turned his way, and, if looks could kill, Naruto would be a goner. It didn't occur to him why Sasuke would be angry, so seeing him with that expression made Naruto angry, too.
The officer beckoned Naruto to the counter. He had papers spread across it, and Itachi was signing them all. There was a check there, too, and not for a small amount.
He swallowed hard. Jesus. How long would it take him to pay that back?
Having not been able to talk to Itachi on the phone personally, Naruto wasn't exactly sure how the older Uchiha brother had reacted to the news of him being brought to the station, nor did he know exactly what the officer told him. However, from the look on the man's face, he could tell Itachi wasn't exactly planning on throwing him a release party. Meanwhile, another officer—a very gruff, older man with a large stomach—handed Naruto his belongings without a word.
He took out his phone and powered it on, wanting to check in with Gaara. The tension was palpable, so Naruto knew that he should keep his mouth shut until further notice. He slipped on his coat and waited patiently, keeping a foot or so distance between himself and Itachi. Sasuke stood on his brother's other side and hadn't spoken a single word since Naruto came out. Eventually, maybe 10 minutes later, Itachi finished the paperwork for his release. The officer gave Naruto another brief lecture about how teenagers shouldn't be hanging around late at night in bad parts of the city. Since the officer had taken it easy on him, he listened and answered respectfully, promising not to ever do it again because that's what people said in these situations. Although still a bit anxious, Naruto was glad he'd been able to spare Gaara this and was also eager to get home and make sure he'd gotten back okay on his own.
It was at that point he was checking his phone for a third time that he felt a tingle at the back of his neck. Looking up, Sasuke was sending him a glare that could have very well been filled with killing intent. Naruto, who didn't even get why he was here, held his own and returned the stare.
"What?" He asked.
"You're such a fucking child," Sasuke spat, turned around, and walked away.
Naruto blinked, watching him walk away. He looked at Itachi questioningly since the older man had witnessed the exchange.
"What crawled up his ass and died?" Naruto asked.
"I have to say I'm also rather disappointed in you myself," Itachi stated, and hearing that from Itachi was one of the most crushing things Naruto had ever been told.
"I-I'm sorry that you had to bail me out like that," Naruto stammered, scratching the base of his skull. "I… got into a bad situation and didn't have much of a choice—"
Itachi raised an eyebrow. "We all have choices. You just chose very unwisely tonight."
"Yeah, I get that, and I am sorry, but why is Sasuke so angry anyway?"
"Do you really have to ask that?" Itachi slipped on his leather gloves.
Naruto became momentarily distracted by the mildly graceful action before his gaze rose to the man's face again.
"It wasn't serious," he argued, getting defensive. "Just a stupid fight."
"I didn't receive the full report until we arrived at the station, so, needless to say, both of us assumed the worst. We didn't know whether you'd been injured. Sasuke was afraid something had happened to you. We were out together when I received the call. He wanted to come."
"...Sasuke did?" Naruto licked his chapped lips. "...Shit."
"I think you know what you need to do." Itachi took a step closer.
Naruto tried not to allow himself to be intimidated, but an angry Itachi could be a scary thing to behold. "What? You want me to apologize to him?" He asked indignantly. "Are you kiddin' me? When he can't apologize to me for all the shit he's—"
"Naruto."
He immediately shut his mouth, knowing he did sound like a brat, but why did it always feel like people expected so much of him but Sasuke always got a pass?
"Whatever." He shrugged. "Thanks again for bailin' me out. I'll pay you back somehow."
"I should expect so." Itachi turned his back on him and started walking away.
Watching, Naruto felt incredibly guilty and disappointed in himself, but there's no way he would've sold Gaara out. He might've gotten away if he hadn't spent so much time arguing with Gaara about him taking the rap after some drug deal he made went bad and a fight broke out.
"Tch." Naruto gave the officer one last glance, and the guy actually waved at him.
He offered a nod for some reason, but then he was quick to turn on his heel. It was very possible Itachi would leave without him if he didn't get his ass in gear. Now he'd just have to prepare himself for the longest, most awkward drive home of his life.
Sasuke, if he'd been driving, would've left Naruto's ass at the station. Actually, he wouldn't have bothered bailing him out. He'd had all of 30 seconds to yell at Itachi before Naruto opened the car door and hopped in without a single apology. With a sigh, Itachi turned the key, and they set off to take Naruto to his apartment. It did hit him then that Naruto was alone. While internally raging he'd forgotten about that friend of his, so he violently grabbed the rearview mirror.
He glared at Naruto. "So, this good friend of yours left you behind, huh? I thought you two were close, but it seems to me he sold your dumb ass out."
"Sasuke, knock it off," Itachi said under his breath.
"Why should I?" Sasuke barked at him. "He inconvenienced you, expected you to bail him out. You can't tell me you're not angry. He should apologize to you?"
"What do you know about apologizing?" He heard Naruto mutter.
"Oh, here we go again." Sasuke threw his hands in the air.
"I just think you should listen to your brother. I'd hate for you to realize yourself what a hypocritical bastard you've been for the last, I dunno, 10 months."
"Go fuck yourself, Naruto."
"Hey, what do you think I've been doin' since your ass rejected me?" Naruto asked mockingly. He wasn't even looking at Sasuke, he had his elbow on the car door and was staring out the window.
"My guess is you've been doing Temari."
Finally, Naruto looked at him, wearing an expression of confusion. If Sasuke could've jumped into the backseat to strangle him, he would have.
"Don't play stupid, Naruto," he said bitterly. "I called you while you were in Chicago and a girl answered. She admitted you'd been in her bed, so I'm tired of your pseudo self-righteousness."
"Okay… first off." Naruto leaned forward in his seat. "I have no fuckin' clue what you're talkin' about. Called me? When? And Temari? That's Gaara's older sister! I spent the night at their house when I was drunk off my ass and passed out in her bed after throwin' up in her garbage can. So, whatever you decided to assume about me is your own fuckin' problem, Uchiha. I might've fucked up tonight, but that doesn't give you the right to jump down my throat just 'cause you're insecure or whatever."
Sasuke dug into the cupholder, found a quarter and lobbed it at him, hitting Naruto square in the chest.
"And I'm the child?" Naruto asked.
"Yes, you're the child, so I'm going to treat you like one."
"Uh, yeah." Naruto picked up the quarter and pocketed it. "Because you like to throw inanimate objects at children? Wouldn't surprise me. You're like Scrooge and the Grinch combined."
Itachi snorted, and Sasuke turned his glare on him. "Lecture him, Itachi. You'd have my ass if I did this."
"Don't be flattered, Itachi. Sasuke offers his ass up to everyone nowadays," Naruto commented.
Sasuke saw red for a second and moved to unsnap his seatbelt, but then Itachi grabbed for his arm.
"Not while I'm driving." Itachi glanced at the rearview mirror. "Naruto, stop antagonizing him. Regardless of Sasuke's previous actions, this is a separate issue that I would like to discuss with you further at some point. In fact, I do think your father should be notified."
"Ah, shit," Naruto whined. "Don't do that. He'll ground me forever and send Gaara home."
"Maybe it's a good time for you to learn that there are consequences for your actions."
"Have you tried tellin' that to your brother?" Naruto returned, folding his arms against his chest. "Jesus, I said I was sorry. I had a choice and decided not to sell my friend out, and I take responsibility for what happened. It's way more than Sasuke's done."
"Stop making this about me, you asshole!" Sasuke shouted, pushing Itachi's arm away.
"You know what?" Naruto dropped his arms to his sides, fists clenched. "Don't even talk to me. I don't… I just can't deal with you anymore, Sasuke. I used to think… y'know. I used to think your word was law. I respected you. I always thought you were right about everything, but I just don't fuckin' feel that way anymore! I don't have to listen to what you say. You don't have that kinda power over me, so if you think you can take advantage of me because I still lo- "
The blond's eyes instantly widened at his near slip up, and Sasuke had to say, his expression wasn't too dissimilar. It threw him off completely, not quite diffusing his anger, but…
"...Just leave me alone, okay." Naruto went back to staring out the window, and, for a while, Sasuke granted him his wish.
It irked him, though, when he could hear Naruto texting on his phone, his fingers moving furiously and Sasuke just knew that he was messaging Gaara. He didn't know much about Gaara. Because, to be honest, he'd always been a little jealous of him, so he'd often tuned Naruto out when he spoke of the the other boy. The way Naruto went on about him sometimes was just so… annoying. The more he thought about it, the angrier he became because Naruto couldn't seem to forgive him this tiny little thing of… well, sleeping with that DJ, and then… horribly rejecting him after his confession and then… ignoring him for the following month and basically pretending that he didn't exist. Yet, Gaara could run off on him and leave Naruto to take the blame, even risking being arrested. What kind of friendship was that really? At least Sasuke would never purposely put him in the way of danger.
"You okay, Sasuke?" Itachi asked quietly.
Sasuke suddenly snapped out of his thoughts. "I'm fine. Why?"
"Your hand."
He glanced at his hand, which was gripping the armrest on the door so hard that he couldn't feel his fingers anymore.
"I'm fine," he repeated.
"Naruto," said Itachi. "Your friend. Do we need to pick him up from somewhere?"
"Uh, no," Naruto answered. "He says he's at the apartment. I didn't have a chance to give 'em my key, so he's been waitin' in the lobby this whole time. Told him I'd be there soon."
"Very well."
Sasuke, biting his lip, turned around in his seat. He didn't even know where to begin.
"What?" Naruto asked. "If you've got somethin' else to say, just say it."
"There is so much I could say to you, Naruto. So much."
"Well, I ain't stoppin' you, so have at it. I'm used to takin' the brunt of your tirades."
He had to laugh as he slid his tongue over his teeth, digging an incisor into it. "Right. I forgot. You're always the victim, hm? How very noble."
"Nah. Not always. Just when it involves you, but who the fuck cares anymore? It's not like I hold it against you that you didn't share the same feelings. Just think it was shitty you were all fine with it when I stuck my tongue in your ass, but in the mornin', you felt different about it."
"Naruto—" Itachi started to say, and they could hear the cringe in his voice.
"Why would you even bring that up in front of my brother?" Sasuke asked, his voice beginning to shake in anger.
"Like your brother doesn't know what we've gotten up to this entire time?"
"I really didn't need to know in detail—" Itachi attempted to cut in, but they ignored him.
"That doesn't mean you need to announce what we do for the whole world to hear!" Sasuke shouted.
"It's not like it's ever gonna happen again, so why are you actin' like such a girl?"
"Oh, I'm acting like a girl, am I?"
"Yeah, kinda."
"Maybe you'd like me to be a girl," Sasuke replied venomously. "After all, that would make it so much more easier on you, wouldn't it? You could parade me around like one of your cheerleaders, and I could brag about how amazing you are in bed without anyone giving us a second glance because I'm sure you'd just love to have people watch us, two boys, walking down the hallway together, holding hands and wearing our matching rainbow pride shirts while screaming faggot in your face. How much would you enjoy that?"
Naruto stared him dead in the eye. "Pretty sure the only one in this car ashamed of your sexuality is you, Sasuke. Don't project your shit onto me. I don't give a shit that you're a dude, but I do give a shit that you're an asshole and treat me like a fuckin' doormat when I thought we were friends. Besides, what the fuck do you care about any of that? You don't even feel the same way as I do, so why entertain the idea of that kinda bullshit anyway?"
"Because I fucking—" Love you. The words died on his tongue, thank God.
Naruto's eyes were narrowed and perceptively clear.
"What were you gonna say?" He asked in a low voice.
"Nothing." Sasuke turned around. "You said you'd had enough with talking, so I think we're done here."
"Right," Naruto mumbled. "'Cause it's only over when you say it is."
"Yes, and you always have to have the last word." Sasuke caught Naruto's gaze in the mirror briefly before both of them looked elsewhere.
Itachi, meanwhile, remained deathly silent, not that Sasuke particularly cared at the moment. He stared out the window at the passing cars and the shopfronts still lit up with Christmas lights. Why did he have to be so sober? What he needed to do was get back to Hidan's and drink some more, or nag Deidara to share some of his pot stash with him. Sasuke wasn't sure he believed Naruto about that girl who'd answered the phone, but there was a strange sense of relief that he decided to push to the back of his brain instead of analyze. It wasn't much longer before they pulled up to an empty spot just outside the fence of Naruto's apartment building. No one was speaking, and Naruto didn't look like he was going to go anytime soon.
"What are you waiting for?" Sasuke asked. "An invitation? Get out."
"Shut the fuck up, Sasuke." Naruto undid his belt. "This is more for Itachi, but… again, I'm sorry I asked you to get involved. I didn't know anyone else that could help."
"It's okay, Naruto," said Itachi. "We can discuss it later when everyone's cooled down."
"That's fair… and I'll… pay y'back in installments. I hope that's okay?"
"We'll work something out."
Sasuke looked over at his brother. "Really, that's it?"
"I've also had enough of you, too, Sasuke. While I share your anger over what Naruto did tonight, you're no saint yourself, and you're letting your emotions get the best of you."
"Ha!" Naruto had the audacity to point. "See!"
Sasuke took one look at him. "Get out of the car. We're going to have it out right here and now."
"What?" Naruto scoffed. "You wanna fight me? What, are you? Twelve?"
"No. I'm just tired of your shit. You've been running your mouth to anyone and everyone, but did you ever come to me once and say it to my face?"
"Uh, yeah I fuckin' did. Recall me comin' to your house last week and on the phone?"
"As I recall, you tried to avoid me the next day and also ran out of the house. Just like you did that morning, so who's the scaredy cat here, huh? Who's the one who always claims to be so honest and straight-forward but, right here and now, can only come up with passive aggressive comments and snide little remarks. Sorry for not fucking giving you the answer you wanted."
He expected Naruto to yell back, but the blond's expression became… sad.
"Yeah," said Naruto. "Me, too. On that note. I'm outta here. Thanks again, Itachi. Happy New Year if I don't see y'before then. Sorry again for draggin' you into my mess."
Naruto slammed the door before he could respond.
While Sasuke sat there fuming and waiting for his head to explode from anger, he finally snapped. He threw the door open, giving chase after Naruto. It was like his feet moved on his own as he grabbed the hood on Naruto's coat and spun him around. He felt Naruto losing his balance, but took hold of his arm, squeezing it as tight as he could over the puffy jacket.
"What is with you saying I'm the one who always runs away, and there you go again?" He all but screamed in Naruto's face. "Will you just avoid me for the rest of the time you're in Seattle?"
"You're one to talk." Naruto glared at Sasuke's hand. "Get your hand off of me. I'm warnin' you."
Sasuke didn't move an inch. In fact, he pulled him closer, their breaths mingling in the cold winter night. "What are you going to do, Naruto? Hit me?"
"Don't tempt me," Naruto seethed, and, just like always, Sasuke's blood thrummed from being this close, from fighting with Naruto and having his attention. Such a strange sensation to want to beat the shit out of someone and also bend them over.
Their gazes locked, eyes conveying a million more things than words ever could.
"What if you had it all wrong," Sasuke finally said, searching Naruto's face.
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Naruto asked, his brow wrinkling, anger causing his bright blue eyes to shine under the street lights.
So hard not to fucking kiss him. So. Fucking. Hard.
Suddenly, Naruto let out a dark chuckle.
"What's so funny?" Sasuke's voice was quiet and biting.
"You." Naruto pulled his arm away; Sasuke immediately lamented the loss, but brushed it aside.
"Me? Enlighten me, Naruto. How am I being funny right now? Or is this you making jokes about everything like you always do. That is your go-to defense mechanism when you don't want to deal with reality, isn't it?"
Instead of getting angry, Naruto laughed again, stepping away and turning around. He bent over, hands on his knees, and laughed even harder. Sasuke watched, dumbfounded.
"What's funny," Naruto said, wiping at his eyes, and… very slowly and purposely, turned around again to face him, a smirk on his face. He slipped his hands into his coat pockets. "I know you, Sasuke. So well. Better than anyone maybe. I know Itachi knows you well, too, but I know you. I know when you're excited. I know what you were just thinkin' right then. I know."
He stiffened. "What is it you think you know, Naruto? Except how to sound like a dumbass."
"Name callin' already, eh? Must've hit a nerve, hm?" Naruto took a couple of steps toward him, one hand dropping from is pocket as he approached Sasuke.
"More like I have no clue what you're talking about." He eyed the blond cautiously.
"You know what?" Naruto asked. "I think I get now why you were so angry earlier."
"Wow, aren't you clever," he replied. "Was it the way you inconvenienced my brother by calling him from jail in the middle of the night because you and your stupid friend—"
"Leave Gaara out of this," Naruto snapped, face becoming almost feral.
"You'd defend someone who let you take his place in jail?" Sasuke asked in all seriousness.
"I told him to go. You don't know the backstory. I would've done the same for you. Or, I would've at one point. It's called loyalty," Naruto spat. "Try it some time."
"Here's the thing," Sasuke replied, and this time he was the one to take a step forward. "I would never have asked you to take the blame for me. If that's your version of friendship, maybe you being out of my life isn't as big of a loss as you must imagine it to be. In that head of yours where everything is so black and white. Right or wrong. Good or bad. Not all of us choose to live so delusionally. Like the way you plaster on a fake smile, the way you'd rather self-destruct than admit you walk around thinking the universe owes you shit for what you've been through."
"Shut. The fuck up." Naruto's hands formed fists at his side. "I won't tell you again."
"What's this?" Sasuke smirked. "I seem to have hit a nerve."
"Why you—"
Just as Sasuke's body tensed for a blow, a dark figure appeared behind Naruto and grabbed him by the shoulder, preventing his fist from making contact. Even Naruto seemed surprised at first until the blond turned around. Standing next to him was a pale, red-headed teen with dark circles under his eyes. It didn't immediately click who this was, so Sasuke almost went into attack mode since he thought they were about to get mugged. But, then Naruto said that name.
"Gaara." Naruto's surprise turned into obvious relief. "What the hell are you doin'?"
"Wasn't going to jail once tonight enough for you?" The red-head asked.
"Heh. I dunno about that. Pretty sure this fight's been a long time comin'."
"This," said Gaara. "I presume is Sasuke?"
"Uh, you'd presume right," Naruto answered, and, for whatever reason, didn't appear to mind that Gaara still had a hand on his arm. "Not a great time for introductions, though."
"So it seems." Gaara turned his slightly sociopathic gaze to Sasuke.
Sasuke glared back, saying nothing.
"Not quite what I expected," Gaara pronounced slowly. "But, now I understand."
"Not a good time, Gaara. We should go inside. It's cold as fuck out here." Naruto's eyes shifted from his friend to Sasuke again. The fight that had shown in them only minutes earlier had disappeared, replaced by an indifference that Sasuke found he loathed.
"We're not done here," Sasuke said.
"Aren't we?" Naruto asked. "We can talk if you want, Sasuke. Sure. How about you call me when you're ready to stop makin' this about somethin' it's not. Why were you really so angry tonight? Why did you even come? I didn't call you. I called Itachi."
"I came because I wanted to tell you what an idiot I thought you were," he replied coldly.
"Wow, went to all that trouble to call me an idiot?" Naruto asked in a mocking tone. "Yet, when we had a fight about somethin' as serious as my feelings for you, you didn't have anything at all to say to me?"
"It's not like you tried to talk about it either." Sasuke's heart rate picked up, likely from the way Naruto kept looking at him, like he knew.
"Uh huh, sure." Naruto nodded vaguely. "'Cause throughout our entire friendship, or relationship. Whatever you wanna call it, I was the one who resolved all our conflicts, givin' in even when you were jealous over my girlfriends or Sai, or Itachi or basically anyone who tries to talk to me."
"That is such bullshit." Sasuke clutched the front of Naruto's coat. "It's bullshit and you know it because who the hell brought you Rin's number? I gave you my blessing."
"Like hell you did," Naruto said, also grabbing onto Sasuke by the front of his coat. "I know how you've tried to manipulate me at times. Just like that night with the DJ. I didn't realize, or I just chose to ignore it because of my feelings for you. Maybe in some twisted way I even thought it was flattering you'd go to such lengths to get my attention or get your revenge. But now… now I see it for what it really is… see you for who you really are. You're just scared. You say I'm the scaredy cat—which who the hell says that, by the way—but you're the one who's scared. Scared to come out, which fine. Great. You don't have to. I was never forcin' you to. Just wanted to be able to hold your hand and kiss you without you freakin' out about your dad walkin' in. Wanted us to be able to go out and date and do the same thing any other couple would do. You said no to that, and I was fine with it. I gave you your space because you made it perfectly clear you didn't feel the same way and also didn't even wanna be friends anymore. Great, fine. 'Cause. Like you said, I think friends shouldn't make you feel like shit about yourself all the time. That's no friend, and I sure as hell wouldn't wanna date someone who made me feel that way either."
"You… moron!" Sasuke nearly screamed, pushing Naruto back with a few hurried steps. They went right past Gaara until Sasuke had Naruto up against the iron fence. "You talk like you know everything, but if you knew me at all. At all, Naruto, then you'd know it's a lot more complex than you make it out to be. It's not as simple as saying yes, great, let's hold hands and make out. Everything will just work out wonderful if we believe it will. If we work together. NOT EVERYTHING WORKS LIKE THAT. Not everyone embraces your philosophy on life, which by the way, is completely based around your unwillingness to accept the fact that life is just shitty sometimes, no matter how good you try to be, how kind you are, or even if you're cruel, that people can get away with cruel things and there may be no repercussions."
"Oh, you must be talkin' about you now, eh?" Naruto asked. "Wow, I didn't think you could project any more if you tried tonight. Usually you try to hide it behind some indifferent mask, but you're not doin' such a good job right now. Pretty fuckin' transparent, bastard. Might wanna get a grip before you say somethin' you actually mean."
"Oh?" Sasuke leaned in, smirking and so angry his whole body was shaking. "What is it you think I'm not saying, Naruto? Since you know me so well. Since you know everything there is to know about people, hm? Such a good reader of character, which is why that—" Sasuke turned and glared at Gaara—"Friend allowed you to end up in jail tonight."
"I told you to leave Gaara out of this—"
"He's not wrong, Naruto," Gaara interjected, shocking the both of them.
"Uh… huh?" Naruto, however idiotically, managed to vocalize Sasuke's exact thoughts.
"I didn't want to leave you there. I knew you could get in serious trouble. It wasn't an ideal situation. So, he's not wrong."
"You're my friend," Naruto argued. "You've had my back plenty of times."
"That doesn't mean Sasuke's point is invalid," Gaara replied calmly.
"Whose side are you on anyway?" Naruto shot back.
Gaara simply shrugged. "I'm trying to be objective."
"Well, go be objective in the lobby or somethin'!"
"Sasuke. Naruto." Itachi, having stepped out of the car, approached the three of them as snow began to fall from the overcast sky. "It's late. Someone's going to complain about the noise. This is a conversation the two of you can have at another time. Sasuke, we should get going."
"I'm glad one of you Uchiha was born with some sense," Naruto muttered and, because Sasuke still had a hold of his coat, pulled him forward and slammed him against the fence.
"You have a big mouth," he said.
"Funny. Never heard you complain about my mouth before." Naruto's lips were set in a thin line.
"Hn. And I never heard you complain about what I would do to your mouth."
"Bet y'miss that, huh?" Naruto's mouth quirked. He flashed Sasuke an empty smirk.
"What would it matter? You won't believe anything I say anyway."
Naruto's eyes widened marginally, then rapidly moved back and forth across Sasuke's face.
"Tell me to my face you don't feel the same way," Naruto said in a low voice.
For a second, Sasuke's gaze dropped to Naruto's mouth, then moved up again.
"In your dreams, Naruto."
"Heh. Of course. Sure. Whatever." Naruto gave him a hard push that sent him stumbling backward a step or two. "Why don't you call me when you're willin' to say that you actually care about me instead of pretending you don't. Instead of runnin' away from me all the time."
"Am I running away?" Sasuke asked, his heart pounding in his chest. "Or am I just avoiding what's been holding me back all this time."
"Holdin' you back from what?" Naruto asked. "Gettin' molested by Yagura maybe?"
He shrugged.
"Well, great," said Naruto when Sasuke didn't give a verbal response. "Have fun with that. You've got my blessing."
"Good. I'm glad I have your approval."
Naruto looked positively disgusted and, after giving Sasuke one last look, shook his head.
"Let's get outta here, Gaara."
He turned and walked away from Sasuke, who watched as the blond nudged Gaara to get moving and then threw an arm around the teen's shoulders. If he could've set them on fire with a look alone, he would've gladly sold his soul for such a power right then. The snow continued falling, and Sasuke was hit with an intense pang of loneliness. Of loss. Self-hatred. He was so weak. Naruto, though not entirely right, wasn't entirely wrong either.
Did he know? Had he known this entire time how Sasuke truly felt?
No, he didn't think so. Naruto was so insecure, he could've easily thought Sasuke didn't feel the same. But, now. Now it seemed as though Naruto had some idea. He was testing Sasuke. It was as annoying as it was frustrating because, if he really didn't feel the same about Naruto, why did watching him walk away with Gaara drive him near to insanity? He felt the stirring of something in his chest, a tightening. It was becoming more difficult to breathe. The cold air burned the back of his throat as he struggled to inhale more deeply.
Just when he thought he was about to have a panic attack, a strong arm wrapped around his shoulders. Next he knew, his face was being smashed into his brother's chest.
"Not your best moment," Itachi whispered in his ear. "I think he knows."
Sasuke clutched the back of his brother's coat, his entire body shaking. When he felt Itachi's hand stroke the back of his head, he began to make a strange choking noise. There were no tears, only an attempt to bring in air, to find relief, to shatter everything.
"It's okay," Itachi said, though his voice sounded far off. "I'm right here."
Sasuke said something, but the words didn't sound like they came out coherent. What he said, he had no idea, but he remembered leaning heavily on Itachi as his brother got them walking toward the car. His body felt so heavy, like walking was the most impossible thing to do.
"What do you need?" Itachi asked when they were in the car again and Sasuke was mechanically buckling his seat belt, though the idea of getting into a car accident and flying out the windshield didn't sound too horrible right now.
"Just… I want to go home."
"Not back to Hidan's?" Itachi asked, starting the engine.
"No," he said. "Please… Itachi." Sasuke looked over at his brother. "I want to go home."
TBC
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