a/n: What a long and winding road this fic has been. Keep in mind that this universe could carry on forever, so what happens after this is left to your imagination (even though I know everything that happens in my head).

Important songs for this chapter: SYML, "Where's My Love?"; Dean Lewis, "Lose My Mind" (acoustic); and Declan J Donovan, "Better"

This story is dedicated to Netamashii.

After Sasuke finished getting dressed, he splashed some water on his face and checked himself out in the mirror. How had he let himself fall so low, and for what purpose? Because of Naruto? His younger self would've laughed at how pathetic he'd been tonight. Getting drunk over a boy, humiliating himself because he saw Naruto kiss someone else? What had he expected to happen? Only a couple hours earlier he'd been telling himself that he was selfish for getting in their way. Now, here he was again. And Naruto actually thought he could convince him to go to his apartment? If anything, he'd crash at Yagura's or some other acquaintance's place.

Once he looked a little less like death, he thought he would try to slip out of the bathroom unnoticed and leave the party. Unfortunately, Naruto was standing in the hallway, leaning against the wall, and waiting for him as if he were Sasuke's babysitter. He had on different clothes than earlier and, to be honest, it annoyed and embarrassed him. Luckily he was good at blocking out things he didn't want to think about, and that included the past hour.

"Ready?" Naruto asked. "We've got your guitar."

He stared at him blankly. "I'm not going home with you."

"I asked if you wanted to go to your house."

"I'm not going to my house either," he replied, and walked away.

He made it all of three steps before Naruto grabbed his arm.

"What are you gonna do then?" Naruto asked. "Drink yourself sick again?"

His gaze slid toward the living room. "I'll go to Yagura's apartment."

Naruto let go of him. "You realize he's gonna leave with Sai, right?"

Sasuke tried not to show his surprise. "Then I'll grab his keys, crash there, and he can go home with Sai for all I care."

Despite walking away, Naruto followed and continued barking in his ear but Sasuke had already tuned him out thanks to many months of practice. The first person he spotted after entering the living room was Gaara. He was standing near the door, Sasuke's guitar strapped to his shoulder.

Sasuke went up to him and made a grab for it. Gaara, unresisting, simply stared at him without any real expression. Once again, Naruto came up to him and took hold of his arm.

"Sasuke, c'mon. Be reasonable. You know you can crash in dad's bed."

He adjusted where the guitar strap lay on his shoulder. "I'm fine, Naruto."

"You don't look fine." Naruto frowned. "You look like shit."

Glaring at him, Sasuke pushed his hair behind an ear. "Tell Rin I left. I'm sure she's annoyed your time together got cut short."

He glanced around the room, in search of Yagura, but not seeing him anywhere, Sasuke pulled out his phone and decided to text about getting a key off him. Meanwhile, he'd wait outside since all he really wanted to do was get the hell out of here. With thanks to a new group of people coming in through the front door, he did manage to push his way past Naruto. While Gaara had enough sense to leave it alone, Naruto chased him down the stairs. Sasuke finally stopped a foot away from the door, his temper rising and his head still pulsing from earlier.

"What do you think you're doing?" He asked, eyes narrowed at Naruto.

Naruto was wearing his trademark stubborn expression. "I'm not gonna let you go anywhere. You still don't seem all that sober. I mean, Jesus, you passed out in Rin's bathtub! I've never seen you do anything like that before, so why would I let you leave by yourself?"

"What do you care, huh? Like you haven't been drinking all night? I'm not a charity case, Naruto. I don't need you to hold my hand because I had a few drinks. Go back to the party."

"I didn't have that much to drink," Naruto argued. "Definitely not as much as you. I'm sober enough to know I can't let you go unless you're headed home and can get there safely."

"You're not my mother," he replied coldly. "You're not my boyfriend. So stop trying to act like it."

Naruto's face turned bright red, and he knew he'd hit a nerve.

"In … in what world do you have to be together in order to worry about someone?" Naruto shot back after losing his earlier composure. "I know you've made it clear you don't wanna be with me. No need to keep rubbin' it in my face. If you're still tryin' to give me shit about Rin—"

He held up a hand to stop him, not wanting to hear Naruto talk about her. "I don't care. You and Rin would make a great couple. It's none of my business."

Naruto huffed. "We're—" But, then he snapped his mouth shut and scowled. "Whatever. Doesn't matter what I say anyway 'cause you're the one always lookin' for excuses to run away."

Sasuke stared at him, that look of Naruto's both infuriating and enticing. Always. Naruto always did this to him, always threw him off balance, always left him feeling like his emotions were a splatter away from exploding like a Jackson Pollock painting. It was so tempting to push him, to fight him, to touch him. Anything that would repel him only to antagonize Naruto and draw him closer again. This push-pull thing they had going on, it was so…

"What?" Naruto barked. "Are you just gonna stare at me, or are you gonna realize I'm right?"

Exhilarating.

"Alright." He tilted his head, giving Naruto a side-eye. "I'll go."

Instantly, Naruto's shoulders relaxed, though he glanced suspiciously at Sasuke. "Wait… really?"

"If it'll get you to shut up."

"That's… "

Naruto's bottom lip stuck out and, without intending to, Sasuke's gaze dropped and rose again. The blond teen licked his lips as if agitated. Naruto looked intense, serious, and determined, and far too sober for Sasuke's liking since he was suffering a few of its effects still.

"What's the catch?" Naruto asked.

"That you leave me alone for five minutes to have a smoke outside," he replied.

"You're gonna smoke? Nevermind. Do what you want, as long as we can get goin' soon. Have your cigarette, and I'll get Gaara. I swear to God, if you try to make a run for it, I'll call your mom."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "What are you, in preschool?"

"When I talk to you, it sometimes feels like it," Naruto muttered and went back up to Rin's.

Sasuke watched him go, eyes lingering on the teen's butt because he couldn't help it. It had been his intention to cut and run, but for some reason he felt… amused. And a little sad. He could only imagine what people were saying or thinking about him after hijacking Rin's bathroom, but there was some relief to it, as well. Like cracking that perfect image of himself everybody had.

Whatever. Too late now. Sasuke headed outside, taking out a cigarette he'd stolen from Yagura earlier. Except, he then remembered he didn't have a lighter. Lucky for him, a couple of guys walking out the door had one. He slipped the cigarette between his lips and let one of the guys light it. They told him they enjoyed his performance, asked when he'd be singing next.

"I don't sing," he said. "But you can follow me on social media."

Rolling the cigarette to the side of his mouth, he pulled out his wallet and offered the two of them a business card.

"Wow, cool. Thanks."

They waved and left, leaving him in peace again. Sasuke returned his wallet to his back pocket, leaned against the wall, and stared up at the falling snow, thinking a lot about his childhood and the past. Little things. Times with his family, especially Itachi. He wondered what his brother was up to right now and had an impulse to text him. Itachi would've known something was up, though, so he decided against it. He tried to keep thoughts of Yagura and Sai out of his head. Sasuke wasn't opposed to it exactly; he was just very confused by it. Didn't Sai like Naruto? Wasn't Yagura straight? Sasuke had thought all of Yagura's flirting was for show, but… maybe not. Unfortunately, images he'd rather not have in his brain started rearing their ugly heads.

"Wow, you're still here."

He looked over and saw Naruto coming out of the building, Gaara following behind.

"Thought for sure you woulda booked it."

For the first time, Sasuke had this thought that Naruto looked out of place. Why? He couldn't say. He had on his jacket and usual beanie. A strange feeling overcame him. It was a sense of foreboding, of despair. Seeing Naruto suddenly painted a clear vision of their imminent parting.

He felt like running again, felt himself starting to panic.

"Something wrong?" Gaara asked.

"I'm fine," he said. "Let me finish this, and we can go."

"I'll call for an Uber," Naruto said. "You can finish by the time they get here."

While he did that, Gaara slinked over and slid up to Sasuke without so much as a word. He thought the teen would start lecturing him or threatening him over Naruto. But, he didn't. Gaara merely stood there and, eventually, turned his head to look over at him.

"Can I…?" Gaara asked.

"...Sure."

Sasuke handed him the cigarette, a slight lift to his eyebrow.

"You sounded good earlier," Gaara commented and handed the cigarette to him. "Naruto's told me you're an amazing performer, but now I know he wasn't exaggerating."

Sasuke felt highly conscious the boy's lips had been on it after placing it between his own.

"It's Naruto," he said. "Exaggeration is part of the package."

Gaara snorted. "You're not wrong."

Sasuke cracked a smirk. "You didn't look as though you were having a good time."

"Parties aren't my thing."

Sasuke passed him the cigarette again, and Gaara took it wordlessly.

"I can relate," Sasuke replied.

"What, you don't usually pass out in a bathtub?"

He shot the boy a look, but there was no malice in his words. Gaara was dry. Very dry. Similar to Naruto, but also very different. He reminded him of… Oh.

"You remind me of my older brother," he said.

"I feel like I should take that as a compliment."

"Hn." Even so, he couldn't forget it was Gaara's fault Naruto ended up at the police station. "Why'd you leave him?"

"I didn't want to," Gaara answered without needing to ask to what he was referring. "Naruto insisted. I have a previous record, so I would've been fucked."

"I don't think I could do that," Sasuke remarked haughtily. "Let someone take the fall for me."

Gaara shrugged and didn't answer. Sasuke found himself liking him less again. By then, Naruto was walking over to them, but waving their smoke out of the way.

"Should be here in five. Friggin' weather," Naruto grumbled, adjusting his beanie so that it covered both ears. "That's great, guys. Tryin' to die of lung cancer at the same time?"

"You were smoking earlier," said Gaara.

"Yeah, well, that's different." Naruto snatched the cigarette from Gaara, took a deep, long puff and handed it back. When he exhaled, it formed a tiny ring in the air.

"It's not different." Gaara dropped it on the ground and stamped it out under his shoe much to Sasuke's dismay. .

"Have you heard from Itachi tonight?" Naruto asked, seeming less angry at him than earlier. "I sent him a text earlier, wishin' him a Happy New Year, but he didn't text back."

"You know them," he replied, clearing his throat. "Probably out at some club of Deidara's choosing."

"Your brother has a surprisingly soft spot for Dei, I think."

"I guess."

Naruto was staring at him again. It made his skin itch.

"Want me to carry that for you?" Naruto asked, throwing him off further.

"No…" He licked his lips, which were dry and chapped from the cold. "I'm fine."

Naruto nodded and pulled out his phone again, tracking their Uber driver.

"Should be arriving in a minute," he said, so they began heading toward the sidewalk to wait.

Naruto walked on his right; Gaara was on his left.

"Did you say goodbye to Rin?" Sasuke kept his voice low.

"I did," Naruto answered.

When the car arrived shortly after—a black SUV— he almost panicked thinking it was Itachi. He noticed the license plate and breathed a sigh of relief. That would've been… not great timing.

"Heh," said Naruto. "Looks like Itachi's car. I guess I didn't notice."

Sasuke almost facepalmed. They got into the car, Naruto in the front passenger seat and he and Gaara in the two middle seats. There was a brief instant his and Naruto's eyes met in the rearview mirror but Naruto looked away almost immediately. As usual, the talkative teen struck up a conversation with their driver, a young male. Sasuke listened to them for a while as he watched the passing scenery, which included part of the University of Washington campus. The closer they drove toward downtown, the heavier the snow seemed to be falling. Along the way, he nodded off at least twice, long enough to have a very unsettling dream. Every once in a while, too, he thought he caught Naruto staring at him in the mirror. It also could've been paranoia because of the dream he'd just had. Where Naruto was older and dating a pretty woman with long, blonde hair. He couldn't remember all of the details, but it made him incredibly anxious.

What would it feel like to completely let go of Naruto? To see him with another person? Someone who made him happy, made him laugh, and wasn't as twisted on the inside as Sasuke? Could he be happy for Naruto should that come to pass in the near future?

Or, would he live for the rest of his life knowing this moment, maybe even this night in particular, would end up being one of the single biggest regrets of his life?

By the time they arrived at the apartment, Naruto was in a strange mood. Every time Sasuke passed out in the back, he kept checking on him, hoping that he was still breathing. He was tired, a little too sober, and moderately annoyed he'd cut short his night just because Sasuke couldn't handle his emotions. Naruto figured that if he let Sasuke go anywhere but home or his place, then he would've continued drinking. Or worse. Then again, given how manipulative Sasuke could be, maybe this was his plan all along.

After about a 30-minute drive through the snow, they arrived at his place downtown. Naruto wished the driver a Happy New Year, and they all got out of the car. Sasuke walked ahead of them on the sidewalk. He had the guitar strapped to his back, and Naruto's eyes kept lingering on it. The snow continued to fall, coating the street and sidewalks in pure white.

"Thought he was a nice guy," Naruto commented about the driver, but didn't receive a response from either Sasuke or Gaara.

Unsurprising considering for the entirety of the drive, the both of them had remained quiet.

"Thought he was a nice guy," Naruto commented, but didn't receive a response.

Maybe they were all tired. A shower sounded good, possibly even a cup of tea to calm his nerves. His dad really liked tea and because he was a fan of Sasuke's, usually had a variety of teas stocked in the kitchen. In silence, the three of them entered the elevator and headed up to his floor. He opened the apartment door. Everyone left their shoes by the mat. Naruto went about turning on the lights. Since it had been just him and Gaara the last couple days, the place wasn't exactly spotless. There were a few items of clothing strewn across the dining table, couch, and chairs. Because Gaara had been sleeping in his dad's bed, at least that room was clean. Gaara wasn't exactly a neat freak like Sasuke, but he didn't make much of a mess either.

Sasuke gave a look around the living room before carefully setting his guitar against the loveseat, but Naruto picked it up and hoisted it over his shoulder.

"I'll put this in dad's room so it doesn't get fucked up," he said. "Gaara and I have been wrestlin' around and makin' a mess of stuff. Wouldn't want it to get damaged."

Naruto brought the guitar into his dad's room and gently placed it in the walk-in closet. When he came back out into the living room, Sasuke and Gaara were speaking in quiet voices but stopped when they noticed decided to ignore it.

"Anyone want some tea?" He asked. "Sasuke?"

"I'm fine," said Gaara.

"I can make it myself," said Sasuke.

"Nah. You two seemed in the middle of a conversation, I'll make it. Do you want the usual?"

"...Sure," Sasuke replied.

Knowing he was in a bad mood, Naruto went into the kitchen. It got tiresome, having to drag stuff out of people, and Gaara and Sasuke could be like that. Not that Naruto was in the mood for a heavy conversation—in fact, he'd say the opposite—but it was… really irritating. From one of the cabinets, he retrieved a Starbuck's mug, a satchel of green tea, and a bottle of water for himself. He should make Sasuke drink water, too, now that he thought about it.

While leaning against the counter and waiting for the kettle, he allowed his eyes to rest. The peace and quiet was a nice change of pace from earlier. He hoped Rin hadn't been offended they'd left early. When he heard the soft sound of approaching footsteps, he cracked open his eyes and saw Sasuke standing in the doorway, watching him.

"It's not ready yet," he said, thinking he'd come for the tea.

"You don't have to wait in here," Sasuke replied. "I think I can manage waiting for water to boil."

Naruto narrowed his eyes. "I'm just tryin' to make you tea. No need to cop an attitude."

Sasuke's fist twitched at his side. "I wasn't…"

"Well, it sounded like it. The way you said 'I think I can manage' in that tone."

"...Sorry." Sasuke cleared his throat. "I just figured you'd rather be with Gaara."

"I was actually just thinkin' some time alone sounded pretty good."

"Then I'll leave you alone." Sasuke began to walk away, but Naruto called him back.

"At least take a water with you." He grabbed another bottle from the fridge. "I'll bring your tea when it's ready. You should think about takin' a hot shower. This time without your clothes."

Sasuke reached for the bottle, but was slow to release it from Naruto's hand.

Naruto raised an eyebrow when he wouldn't just take it. "What?"

"Nothing." Sasuke swiftly took it and dropped his arm to the side afterward.

Naruto didn't know why Sasuke kept staring at him. Was there something on his face? He wiped at his cheeks and mouth, which apparently amused Sasuke since he let out a strange laugh.

"What's so funny?" Naruto asked.

"I'm not sure."

"Are you still drunk?"

Sasuke shrugged. "It's possible."

"All the more reason to drink some water and take a shower. There's some Ibuprofen in the bathroom. Well, you know where it is. Take it so you don't have a massive headache tomorrow."

The kettle started to whistle, so Naruto removed it from the burner. He had his back to Sasuke, but thought he felt the other boy's eyes on him while pouring the water into a mug. The satchel floated to the top, swirling around as he shook the mug.

When Naruto turned around, Sasuke had come closer, so that he only stood a few feet away. Naruto walked the rest of the distance to him and offered Sasuke his tea.

"Here you go. It's the green tea you like."

Sasuke held it in his hand. "Why are you… like this?"

"Huh?" Naruto was confused. "Like what?"

Sasuke didn't answer.

"It's just tea, Sasuke," he said. "It's not like I've forgotten what's gone on between us for the past month. It's simple courtesy and manners. You're a guest, you could get sick. Here's your tea."

Sasuke appeared as though he had something to say. Naruto waited… and waited. And, like usual, Sasuke couldn't come up with the right words in time, so Naruto decided to leave.

"After you finish that, take a shower," Naruto said on his way out. "I'll go have mine first. My hair's still damp from earlier. Should dry it soon before I get sick, too."

He left the kitchen and spotted Gaara throwing a pile of sheets on the couch.

"What are you doin'?" Naruto asked.

"Sasuke can have your dad's bed, I'll take the couch."

"...Why? He can sleep on the couch, Gaara. Or you can sleep with me."

"You move around too much," Gaara replied. "It's fine. Puts him closer to the toilet in case he needs to vomit some more. I don't want to have to ever smell that again."

"...Alright." Naruto squinted at him, trying to understand why he was being so thoughtful… and toward Sasuke no less. "I'm gonna go shower. Unless you want to first?"

"I'll take one tomorrow morning. I'm tired."

Naruto nodded. "Sorry, yeah. I hope you weren't tired all this time?"

Gaara gave him a blank look, which meant yes. Naruto felt guilty.

"Sorry for dragging you along then," he mumbled.

Before Gaara could say anything, Naruto returned to his bedroom so that he could pick out some pajamas from his dresser. He left his room and entered the bathroom. The first thing he did was strip. He didn't like wearing other people's clothes normally. He should wash and return them to Rin this week. It was nice of her to lend them to him, though. Truly, the more he thought about her, the guiltier he felt. Not just Rin, but Gaara, and even Sai, too. He'd spent most of the night only thinking about himself, and while it was true that everyone should be responsible for their own fun, he could've thought more about whether they were enjoying themselves at the party he'd invited them to.

After relieving himself, Naruto turned on the shower. He scrubbed his hair, relishing in having privacy and space. It was harder than he thought to turn his brain off. He kept thinking about Rin, and then about Sasuke. It was confusing. The more he kept trying to figure things out on his own, the more his head started to hurt. Tonight, he'd been disappointed in Sasuke. He couldn't figure out what he'd been trying to do or why he'd become so upset. Was it really because Sasuke had thought he'd kissed Rin? Even if he had, why was that Sasuke's business, and why would he do that to Sasuke anyway anyway? Why was he acting jealous at all? Or was it simply possessiveness? That wasn't nearly as flattering as it should've been. If it kept interfering with Naruto's other relationships, then that wasn't okay either.

Why did Sasuke have to make everything so difficult anyway? If he could just express himself in actual words instead of grunts or passive aggressive behavior that he was unhappy about something, then maybe they could understand each other. But, figuring everything out—including Sasuke's feelings—shouldn't fall solely on Naruto's shoulders. He'd been open and honest. He'd put himself out there. If Sasuke had said things to him that he didn't mean—

Well, that was on Sasuke, wasn't it? And Naruto would never have the answers to what was going on in Sasuke's head unless it came straight from his mouth.

He picked up the body wash from off one of the shelves, squeezed it onto a sponge, and began washing his body. It felt so good, he let out a groan. The last 10 months had felt… both short and long. When he'd moved to Seattle, he'd lost his mother only a few months earlier. He was angry, bitter, and resentful. Sasuke had been one of the first friends he'd made, someone he'd grown close to, someone who made things start to feel normal again. It was because of that bond that it crushed him that Sasuke could treat him like this. That he could discard him like trash despite their history. That Naruto could bare his soul and feelings to him and be treated so cruelly.

Stupidly, he'd thought Sasuke felt the same at the time he confessed. He'd been too cocky, too overconfident in their relationship and what all the things they'd been doing together meant. Sasuke had a history of casual physical relationships, so why hadn't Naruto realized? Did that make it his fault? Was it his problem? Did he just need to move on? Was it right to bring Sasuke here tonight, or should he let Sasuke deal with his own shit? He didn't know. Sometimes it was too overwhelming, and when he began doubting himself, it only made things worse. Scrubbing his fingers through his hair, Naruto rinsed all the suds off of his skin and turned off the water. He grabbed for the towel he'd left on the toilet and wrapped it around his waist.

In case anyone else wanted to shower, Naruto grabbed the blow dryer from underneath the sink and went across the hall into his bedroom. He could hear the sound of the TV and wondered if Gaara and Sasuke were talking again. They seemed awfully chummy tonight. Naruto decided to let them know he was out of the shower, so he headed to the living room.

"I'm out if either of you wanna shower," he said.

They both turned to him. No response, yet again.

"Alright then. I'm gonna go change."

Giving up on trying to understand them, Naruto went back to his room, shut the door, and changed into a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt. He sat on the edge of the bed, reading through some messages on his phone while drying his hair. At some point, he thought he heard the shower and turned off the blow dryer to make sure. Yeah, someone was in there. He set the blow dryer aside and shot off a quick message to Rin to let her know they'd arrived safely. She didn't reply right away, so he set his phone on his desk, needing a break from it anyway. A break from people in general. He lay on the bed, only meaning to shut his eyes for a few minutes. Naruto felt wiped and emotionally drained. It was… so strange knowing Sasuke was in the apartment. Even though he'd stopped by before Naruto flew to Chicago.

It was unsettling to him, too. How, even after everything, he was still running to Sasuke's rescue.

And Sasuke didn't want anything to do with it, really. When he looked back on everything, had Sasuke ever appreciated him? He used to think so. It's true Naruto would've done what he did tonight for anyone in trouble, but… what would it take to get over him? How many times would he have to hear Sasuke say cruel, awful things before giving up hope? Even if, by some miracle, Sasuke did have feelings for him, would a relationship between them work? Would it last? It would be a relationship where they'd have to tiptoe around Sasuke's dad, hide, or lie about being together. A relationship where they couldn't be freely affectionate with one another (at least for Sasuke's sake). Is that something Naruto could live with?

Or, was it possible Sasuke had been right all along in pushing him away? If Sasuke did have feelings but thought a relationship wouldn't work… was that reasonable?

No.

Naruto didn't think so. There were a million better ways to handle the situation. But, this was Sasuke he was talking about, and Sasuke Uchiha…

He never made anything easy for Naruto, but he wouldn't be Sasuke if he didn't.

When he finished his tea and had grown tired of Gaara's meaningful glances and amusingly dry back-handed comments, Sasuke decided to take a shower. It was clear Gaara had an issue with him and expected him to do something, but what the fuck was he supposed to do? Walking by Naruto's room earlier, the door had been closed, and Sasuke wondered if he'd already fallen asleep. There had been the slightest impulse to knock on his door, yet he couldn't think of an excuse for it. He supposed he could've asked to borrow some clothes, but asking Naruto for anything… Sasuke would've rather ripped off a couple of fingernails.

In the shower, he gave the shampoo a sniff, and felt slightly disoriented because it smelled like Naruto. Often times that same scent had lingered on his pillow and sheets. He scrubbed it through his hair, trying not to think of how it felt earlier to have Naruto's body pressed against his in Rin's tub. He supposed his ego could take some satisfaction in having known Naruto intimately; however, it didn't make it any easier in getting over the image of Naruto with Rin. If he'd not gone to the party, if he'd not interfered, would those two have hooked up? Why did the thought of them together make him want to rip his hair out?

The scalding hot water felt good on his clammy skin, and it was a welcome distraction from his turbulent thoughts. Not wanting to hog the shower, though, he got out after 10 minutes. He grabbed for one of the extra towels and wrapped it around his waist. Sasuke searched under the sink for the blow dryer only to remember he'd heard Naruto using it earlier. Swallowing his pride, Sasuke left the bathroom, and, this time, found Naruto's door to be open. He went inside and saw the blow dryer on the desk and Naruto's phone beside it. While he was staring at it, he felt a presence behind him. He turned and discovered Naruto standing in the doorway

"I had stuff in the dryer," Naruto had a stack of clothes for him in his hands. "Thought you'd appreciate wearin' somethin' clean. There's jeans and a sweatshirt for tomorrow, too. I gave you boxers, but don't feel like you have to wear 'em if that's weird."

"Why would it be weird?" Sasuke asked, accepting the clothes with some trepidation.

Naruto shrugged. "Think you know what I mean. Changed the sheets on my bed, too. Gaara had been sleepin' on it, and I'd been sleepin' in Dad's bed."

"Gaara doesn't have to sleep on the couch."

"He insisted, and he's more stubborn than me. Maybe even more stubborn than you."

Sasuke could only stare, angry somehow. "I'm going to borrow your hair dryer. Is that okay?"

"Uh, yeah. It's why I left it out."

His eyes narrowed. "If you have a problem with me staying, you shouldn't have offered."

"I'm not—" Naruto lowered his voice. "I'm not gonna let you pick another fight. Use it, use whatever. Did you take somethin' for your head, do you need a bottle of water?"

"No." Sasuke picked up the blow dryer. "You look tired. You've done enough. Go to sleep."

Naruto stared, his expression tightening.

"I didn't mean that in a sarcastic way," he clarified.

"Sorry, it's become really hard to tell lately," Naruto bluntly replied, running a hand through his hair. "I'll bring you those things in a minute. I'll let you dry your hair. Don't wanna catch a cold."

Before he could say anything else—not that he understood why he kept wanting Naruto to stick around—Naruto turned and left. It was an abrupt departure. Sasuke stared at the empty doorway for a minute, a mix of anger and longing building in his gut.

Feeling dizzy and off-balance, he took a seat on the bed and went about drying his hair. Afterward, he shut the door halfway to change into the clothes Naruto brought.

Pulling on Naruto's boxers had a strange affect on him. He then put on the pants and shirt, and when Naruto still hadn't returned with whatever he was getting, Sasuke found himself drawn to the pictures taped on the wall above the dresser. He took a closer look at them, maybe out of morbid curiosity. When he saw the picture of Kushina, he suddenly realized he'd never asked Naruto about his trip to Chicago. He felt a pang of guilt but quickly dismissed it. Why should he feel bad about it? Surely Naruto had other people to talk to. It's not as if he'd ever been particularly great at comfort anyway. Naruto was better off getting it from somewhere else.

Sasuke started to get itchy and uncomfortable looking at the photos, so he turned away and got into the bed. He pulled back the covers. Naruto had never been good at making a bed, so everything was tucked in sloppily. But the sheets, the pillow cases, and the comforter all smelled like him. As soon as his head hit the pillow, there was a very heavy, very hollow feeling growing in his chest. He was reminded of that terrifying dream from the other night and that feeling of losing something important to him. Next he knew, there was a tear falling from the corner of his left eye. The tears came more quickly no matter how he tried to rub them away.

Gripping the sheets, Sasuke shut his eyes and tried to will it away: the emptiness, the loneliness, the regret, and—

The guilt.

He pushed it deep down, not wanting to admit that he ached. Nothing he could do about it now. He'd made the decision to cut ties and needed to accept that meant Naruto would eventually begin dating other people. Or, maybe "eventually" was being hopeful?

Maybe all Naruto was doing was waiting for his blessing, but Sasuke was too much of an asshole to give it. Then again, this feeling of anguish may never go away until he did something about it, but what should he do? Give Naruto permission to date Rin, or…

Spill his guts? Yeah, right. He'd already embarrassed himself once tonight.

Yet…

Tonight, Naruto had stayed beside him, had taken care of him, and had invited him to stay even though he clearly resented him. He didn't know how he could ever live up to Naruto's high expectations. He already knew he would've disappointed Naruto eventually had he said yes. If anything, he'd done Naruto a favor and kept trying to convince himself of as much. Too bad telling himself just that, every day for the past month, hadn't made him feel any less shitty.

...Or lonely.

This pain, though, he knew… It was something he could endure. As Naruto would say, he'd always been good at running and hiding. But…

Sasuke wiped at his eyes one last time.

How good might it feel if, one day in the future, he could prove Naruto wrong?

"What are you going to do?" Gaara asked.

Naruto was spreading the sheets across the couch since Gaara hadn't done it yet.

"Going to do?" He repeated. "I'm gonna make you a bed. Unless you'd rather have dad's room."

"No, the couch is fine." Gaara took hold of his arm. "Naruto."

"What?" Playing dumb, he snapped the sheet and proceeded to tuck it into the cushions.

"Whatever you need to say to him. Stop running from it."

"I'm not running," he said exasperatedly. "That's Sasuke's job."

Gaara pulled him, turning him around so that they stood face to face.

"He's here, isn't he? After everything, he came back with us."

"Yeah, well." Naruto, growing irritable with this line of conversation, scratched the back of his neck. "He didn't have much choice. I wasn't gonna let him stay with Yagura… or alone. Anyway."

Gaara released his arm. "If he means nothing to you anymore then why are you this bothered? Why are you always so bothered when it comes to him?"

"Because…" Naruto felt his eyes begin to sting. "He's…"

He looked away, embarrassed when he felt the tears begin to roll down his cheek.

"He's important to me, Gaara."

"Just because someone is important to you," Gaara replied, nodding. "Doesn't necessarily mean that the person is good for you. Even if I can tell he cares about you, even if you care about him. Maybe the timing isn't right. I guess you have to ask yourself: Can you still be friends with him?"

"I—" Naruto bit his lip, stifling a sob. "I… I just don't know anymore." He covered his face.

In an act he'd not seen since his mother's funeral, Gaara hugged him, and, as quietly as possible, Naruto sobbed into Gaara's shirt, forehead resting on the other boy's shoulder.

"Do whatever you think is right," Gaara said. "Because that's the right thing to do."

Naruto, wiping snot from his nose, let out a laugh. "Okay, Yoda."

"You know what I mean."

He gripped Gaara's arms, attempting to gather his courage. "I do. I know what I have to do. But it's… it's so hard. He was my best friend, Gaara. I loved—" He inhaled. "I love him."

Gaara gave him a steady look. "Not every friendship or relationship ends because the people stop caring about each other, but sometimes it becomes about what's best for both of you."

"Jesus, when did you become such a wise old man? This whole time, have you been in Tibet or somethin', livin' with the monks? Is this a wig you're wearin'? Are you actually bald?"

Smiling, Naruto raised his head off Gaara's shoulder and pulled at his hair.

"Yes," Gaara answered him dryly. "So please stop snatching my wig."

Naruto barked out another laugh. "How do you know about stuff like that? Aren't you adverse to pop culture and social media and all that crap?"

"True, but I still hang out with you. I know what the kids are about these days." Gaara smirked.

Even though he knew Gaara would hate it, Naruto gave him one last hug.

"Thank you," he said.

"No problem."

Naruto smiled. "What, not gonna say 'Go get 'em, Tiger'?"

Gaara offered a dry look. "I would never say that. Now, please let me sleep, and whatever happens, keep the door shut. I don't want to hear things that will scar me for all eternity."

He flushed. "What—why would you think somethin' like that—No, you know what? Nevermind. Try not to rent porn on here 'cause my dad'll find out and have me by the balls."

"I would never have, but when you put it like that, I may have to."

"Heh." Naruto threw another pillow and blanket on the couch. "See you in the mornin'."

"Goodnight, Naruto."

Feeling lighter now, Naruto grabbed a water bottle from the kitchen and some Ibuprofen from the bathroom. The door to his bedroom was half-closed, but there appeared to be a light on. Should he knock? Was Sasuke asleep? Naruto almost had his hand pressed to the door when he had a sudden flash of his dream from when he was in Chicago.

I'm sorry. I love you. Goodbye, Naruto.

Sasuke's last words to him. Why were they echoing in his head right now? This feeling, it split his heart in two. Thoughts started to race through his head: Had he done enough to get his feelings across to Sasuke? Would it be okay to have hope, or was it right to accept Sasuke's decision without putting up a bigger fight? Was timing that important even if two people felt the same?

Naruto… suddenly felt very guilty. Like he'd failed in a way. He ended up pushing open the door just to get this feeling to stop. The lamp on his desk spread a soft yellow glow across the bed. Sasuke lay beneath the covers and was facing the wall. He appeared to be asleep.

Should he drop the water and pills off, or wake him? In the midst of trying to decide, he heard a quiet cry of distress come from the bed. It happened a second time, and Naruto's heart skipped a few beats. He set everything on the desk and went to the side of the bed. He put a knee up on the edge, watching as Sasuke tossed beneath the covers. Naruto crawled to the other side, hand hovering in hesitation over Sasuke's shoulder. But when he saw the tears staining Sasuke's cheeks, Naruto shook him and called his name. It took nearly a minute before he awoke.

Eventually, Sasuke rolled over, but his eyes kept shifting back and forth as if he didn't know where he was. His gaze finally landed on Naruto, eyes bloodshot and cheeks shining. Naruto fought an urge he was having to wipe away the other boy's tears.

"You… okay?" Naruto's voice was hoarse.

"It was…," Sasuke blinked several times, gaze remaining unfocused. "...Just a bad dream."

"Yeah, seemed like."

"I seem to keep having those."

Naruto wanted to ask what he meant, but it didn't seem the time to pry. Sasuke continued to look frighteningly disoriented. He started to get off the bed with the intention of handing him his water, but Sasuke's arm shot out from under the covers. He gripped Naruto's shoulder, not allowing him to move. Naruto turned to look at him, a question in his eyes.

Sasuke, brow deeply furrowed, licked his lips. "I had this dream… that you disappeared. We were in a cabin in the woods. We were in the kitchen, making food. You were laughing and joking. I…"

He paused as if having trouble recalling, dark eyes shifting side to side, then focusing on him.

"I asked you to get something from outside," said Sasuke. "I don't know why I didn't get it myself. I was busy cutting vegetables. You left without arguing, and I waited. I remember getting mad at you for taking so long. After a while, I went outside to look for you… to yell at you for being so—"

Sasuke, biting into his lip, looked so vulnerable. Like the Sasuke he'd known before all of this mess. Before he'd decided to confess, before all these feelings had fucked up their friendship.

"...When I went out, it was dark, and I called to you. You didn't answer. I ran around the house looking for you, but you were nowhere. I had this feeling, though. That you were… just gone."

His hand slid down the length of Naruto's arm; Naruto watched it.

"It was just a dream, Sasuke."

Sasuke's voice was low and strange. "...Was it?"

"Clearly. I mean. You're here. I'm here. No one's disappeared."

"People…," Sasuke looked directly at him. "Can disappear anytime."

"Of course they can," Naruto said. "People move, people leave, people die. That's life."

"Yeah."

Naruto stared at him, confused by what he was feeling. "Let me give you some water."

This time he was able to break free of Sasuke's hold and stood up to grab the water. He returned to the bed and handed it to him.

"Drink this."

Sasuke accepted it with a nod. "Thanks."

"Better?" He asked.

"I'm not sure."

"All because of a dream?" Naruto picked at the fabric of his pajama pants.

"I never got the chance to ask you," said Sasuke. "About Chicago."

"What about it?" He brushed his hand flat, moving it across his leg.

Naruto stared at him, still pulling at his pants. It felt strange to have Sasuke in his bed and for them to be talking like this, like how they used to. It made him… a little angry. With himself and with Sasuke. That in the moments where it seemed Sasuke was being normal or throwing him a bone of attention that Naruto was so quick to cling to it. To cling to anything Sasuke gave him.

But, he was so tired of this cycle. Never knowing which Sasuke he'd get. Wasn't he just… beaten down after all of these months of trying to be the one to always fix things that went wrong between them? Hadn't he already realized this was a one-sided relationship? So, why did he keep letting his guard down whenever he felt sympathy for Sasuke?

Even as the words Sasuke kspoke that morning came so easily to mind. In a way, it terrified him how much he'd let Sasuke hurt him up until now, but he still felt… so much for him.

"I… don't know," Sasuke answered. "I just know I should've asked."

He couldn't think, didn't know what to say or how to answer. "Yeah. But, it's cool. It was fine."

"That's all you have to say?" Sasuke's eyebrow arched, and Naruto immediately felt irritated by his tone, as if Sasuke expected he'd still be willing to share important things with him.

"You should sleep, Sasuke. You had a long night."

Again, Naruto moved off of the bed and handed a couple of pills to Sasuke, who kept staring at him strangely. Seeing as though Sasuke had nothing else to say, Naruto slipped off the bed. He spotted a sock underneath his desk chair and threw it in the hamper by his closet. Feeling disoriented himself, he went ahead and turned off all of the lights so Sasuke could sleep.

"Naruto."

He glanced back at Sasuke, barely able to see him in the dark. "Yeah?"

There was silence that lasted a minute and, just when Naruto thought Sasuke wouldn't say whatever he had on his mind, he heard him sit up in the bed.

"...I'm sorry," he said, and Naruto thought he hadn't heard him right.

"Sorry?" He asked, figuring he meant about the trouble he'd caused tonight. "For what?"

"The things I said to you that morning. I'm sorry."

Naruto sucked in a sharp breath that felt like swallowing ice. "...What?"

"I'm saying that I was sorry. I was wrong."

His body moved on its own as he took one step, then another toward the bed.

Naruto grabbed hold of the footboard for support. "Why are you saying this now?"

"Because I know I'll only stop feeling this way if I say it," Sasuke replied. "I have more to say, but I don't know if I should, or if you want to hear it. You haven't liked much of what I've said lately."

"What more?" Naruto asked stupidly, his heart racing.

"Come here." Sasuke beckoned him with a slight raise of two fingers.

"I think I'd rather stay here," he replied, voice barely above a whisper.

"I'll come to you." Sasuke got out of bed. "Like I should've a month ago."

He walked toward Naruto, and Naruto wanted to back away, but he couldn't. Sasuke stared at him, so serious and focused that he was unable to suspect him of being anything less than sober. race amounts of moonlight slipping into the room illuminated the pale teen's features.

"I won't touch you even though I want to," Sasuke said to him, as if this were a dream.

He looked down and found Sasuke's fists at his side, as if he really were restraining himself. Naruto looked up at him again, so nervous he couldn't stop chewing the inside of his cheek.

"W-what is it you want to say exactly?" He asked nervously.

Sasuke took a deep breath and let it out. "I love you."

"Huh?" Naruto's knees gave out, and he had to grab onto the doorknob for support.

"I love you," Sasuke repeated.

"I'm sorry…" Naruto's voice was nearly inaudible. "What is it you're saying?"

"I always loved you," Sasuke's voice was surprisingly calm. "From the day I met you."

"W-what? That's not p-possible," Naruto stuttered.

"It's true," Sasuke confessed. "I hated when you were with other people because I wanted you to myself, but I knew I couldn't have you since I would never be able to give you more than what we had. Not that I expected you would ever feel the same as I did. When you told me you were in love with me… I was happy. So, what happened between us that night you told me how you felt, it wasn't a lie. At the time, I did think I could come out, but with what happened to my father, I thought it was a sign it wouldn't work, but mostly… I knew I couldn't date you, Naruto. Partially because I'm worried about what might happen to my family, but I also don't think that I could truly make you happy. Not the way I am now. And, I knew you'd wait, but I don't want you to."

Naruto wiped at one of his eyes. "I don't believe you."

"Why would I lie? What would be the point? I already hurt you. Why would I lie about this?" Sasuke attempted to reach for him, but Naruto took a step back and bumped into the door.

"Because," said Naruto, his body shaking uncontrollably. "You always tell me what I want to hear. When you want something. You're only manipulating me, and I—"

"I'm not saying anything's changed. I'm only telling you the part I kept from you. That I love you, but I can't be in a relationship with you, and I am sorry for how I treated you."

"Let me get this straight." Naruto's temper hit the ceiling. "Are you rejecting me a second time?"

"No." Sasuke took a step toward him, attempting to back him against the door. "And yes."

Naruto placed a hand to Sasuke's chest to keep him from coming closer. "I don't wanna hear this then. This doesn't do me any good at all. Why would you tell me shit like this right now?"

"Would you rather I lie?" Sasuke asked.

"Yes!" Naruto shouted at him, unable to hold back all of the anger he'd been holding onto all this time. "At this point, yes. I can't even—I … can't process this right now. Why now, why tonight? When you've already crushed my heart over and over again, so telling me now… that you always loved me? It's cruel!" He pushed him away. "What the fuck is wrong with you, Sasuke?"

Sasuke grabbed the front of his shirt. "Naruto."

"No!" He cried, trying to push him away.

Taking hold of his wrist, Sasuke refused to let him go. "You're not being rejected. I'm not rejecting you. I have feelings for you, Naruto. Annoying feelings that have never gone away no matter how hard I tried to push you, and I'm telling you that I'm not worthy of you."

Naruto snorted. "That's just an excuse because you're afraid."

"If that's true," said Sasuke. "All the more reason I don't deserve you because I know you deserve to be with someone who's not afraid to walk down the sidewalk while holding your hand or not afraid to call you their boyfriend while sitting down to dinner with their family."

Sasuke touched his cheek and had the audacity to look at him with tenderness.

"I love you, Naruto. If we were older—"

"Things don't work that way," he snapped, shaking his head. "They just don't."

"I know." Sasuke dragged a thumb across his cheek, wiping away another tear. "Don't cry because of me anymore."

"This is stupid, though," Naruto snarled, trying and failing to keep his voice down. "If you feel for me what I feel for you, then why... why are you making it more difficult than it has to be?"

"Because… " Sasuke, tilting his head, leaned in until their lips nearly touched. "I love you."

He was shaking so hard. "Stop saying that, dammit!"

"When have I ever stopped thinking about you, though?" Sasuke asked him, breath touching his skin. "I'm only ever content when I'm with you. I only feel like myself when I'm with you. When you aren't around, I feel like half a person, and you think I don't understand what that means?"

Sasuke's lips brushed the corner of his lips, and Naruto shut his eyes.

"Then why are you doing this?" He asked. "Why are you so close?"

"Because you're letting me," Sasuke answered. "And because I want to be."

"Shut up."

This was too much for him to take. Fingers traced down his neck, over his chest, then down his side, which is where Sasuke's hand came to rest, right above his hip.

"Do you really want me to?" Sasuke asked.

"I don't see the point in anything happening anymore if you don't want me." He opened his eyes again only to wish he hadn't. God, did Sasuke look beautiful.

The hand on his hip moved up and down so lightly; his body reacted to the touch.

"I want you. That should never be a question in your mind," Sasuke murmured.

"You want me sexually." He shifted away from Sasuke's touch, though it felt like dragging his feet through mud. "You don't want me in a romantic sense at all. You'd sleep with anybody."

"I don't want to sleep with anybody. I want to sleep with you. But you shouldn't, because I can't give you what you want! I know that for a fact, but I'm only telling you how I feel. I know I owe it to you, to tell you the truth… I know you may be angry right now, but—"

"No, I won't believe it," Naruto interrupted. "You don't know how you feel, and you sure as hell don't know how I feel right now. You've been drinking, and you're probably just jealous I've been spending time with Sai and now Gaara, and you saw me with Rin tonight."

"I am very jealous of all those people," Sasuke admitted, much to Naruto's surprise. "But I'm not playing mind games. I'm not drunk, and if you'd also stop being so stubborn, you'd realize you're the one who has all the power in this situation. Over me. You always have, Naruto."

"How the hell can you possibly think that's true? God, now I have to be the one who's dreaming," Naruto exclaimed in frustration and gave Sasuke a shove that sent him back a few steps. "You make it sound so easy. Great, well your situation is hopeless, so you'll say whatever you feel like!? When you had the opportunity to say it over a month ago? Fuck you, Sasuke."

Naruto pushed Sasuke again until he hit the side of the bed and was forced to sit.

"You know what I think?" Naruto had a finger pointed at Sasuke's face. "I think you're a spoiled brat who's tried to manipulate me throughout our entire relationship, and maybe you thought I wasn't in love with you at the time, and maybe I wasn't yet, but you've always done as you pleased. Even me dating girls over the summer was all about you because I thought our friendship seemed codependent. And, yeah, maybe I could be with other people physically 'cause you and I weren't romantic. We were just fucking around, weren't we? Hell, we never talked about anything like that, and months before at prom, you're the one who talked about needing space! But, at the time, at least I thought about your feelings, and I catered to you every time you threw a tantrum. I didn't do half as much as you claim I did during school. I never kissed them in front of you. I tried not to even hold hands with them if I knew you were around. So, don't act like you're some faithful lover of mine, because you fucked that DJ. I've seen you kiss Yagura on stage, and I have pictures of him trying to take off your clothes, so tell me why it is I'm supposed to believe anything you're sayin'? For all I know," Naruto looked him square in the eye, "You just want to fuck around with me 'cause you have no one else to get it from."

Sasuke smacked his hand away. "Fuck you, Naruto."

Naruto felt vindicated. "I hope you enjoyed the last time we were together because the next time it's gonna happen will be in your dreams. Don't worry, I'll be just fine without you."

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. "Shut up."

Naruto searched his face before declaring, "I'm not supposed to wait, am I? Fine. I won't."

Sasuke, saying nothing, only glared.

"Why should I limit myself to girls?" He went on, unable to control all of this rage he felt toward Sasuke. "I think being with other guys wouldn't be so bad. I've already done plenty with you, so maybe there's more for me to learn from say… Kimimaro? Yahiko? Hell, even your brother—"

Sasuke, leaping forward, gripped his shirt and yanked Naruto forward onto the bed.

"What the—"

It was all he could get out before Sasuke attacked his mouth and sliding one hand underneath his shirt while cupping the back of his head with the other. Naruto knew they shouldn't be doing this, but it felt too good. It was a rush. He couldn't stop himself, or Sasuke. The feel of Sasuke's hot palm touching his stomach, the hand sliding around his side to scratch nails up his back—

"Ah," Naruto gasped when they dug into his skin.

The instant his mouth opened, Sasuke stealthily slipped his tongue in, tasting him, and moaned into the kiss. Naruto lost his mind at the sound. Sliding his hands under Sasuke's armpits, he hauled him up and shoved him toward the pile of pillows. Beneath him, Sasuke whimpered, and Naruto, reacting to it, let out a low growl. His lips found purchase at Sasuke's neck, sometimes pressing to his skin and sometimes biting or licking it while the body beneath his squirmed, silently asking him to continue, to move, to do anything. Naruto had all the power here; he felt it in every muscle, every cell. He gazed down at Sasuke, who lay open-mouthed and panting, hair splayed across his pillow, intense dark eyes hooded with lust and focused solely on him.

He felt a sense of superiority as he looked down at him. "Would you like to know how it feels to be manipulated? Would you like to know what it feels like to have someone use your body for their pleasure?"

Naruto touched his lips to Sasuke's neck, breathing hot puffs of air over his skin. He felt Sasuke's body shiver when he grazed his teeth along the pale column of his neck. Turning the teen's head the other way, Naruto slowly dragged his tongue across the boy's cheek.

"Nothing to say now?" He spoke in low tones, directly into Sasuke's ear. "Now that you're getting what you want, you don't have anything more to say to me about what you can and can't give to me? Even though being with me means I'd do anything for you, I'd do this to you every," Naruto used his hand to cup Sasuke's crotch, "Single," and squeezed him, "Day."

He had a hold of Sasuke's wrists, the other boy staring up at him with glazed eyes.

"You're… fucking with me?" Sasuke asked, his breathing coming heavy and erratic.

Naruto pulled himself up and off of Sasuke's body. "Doesn't feel so great, does it? You made me think you didn't care. By talking to me like that, by treating me like shit, by ignoring me."

"I didn't have any choice," Sasuke started to argue.

"No choice, huh?" Naruto laughed in disbelief, slapping his thigh. "We were supposed to be friends! Before everything else happened, at the very beginning—we were friends, Sasuke. Good friends who told each other almost everything. I felt safe with you… I trusted you—" He held a hand over his mouth, body beginning to shake again. "You broke my fucking heart. More than anyone on this planet, I expected you to never hurt me this way, and—" Naruto took in a deep breath. "And now I'm gonna say what I should've said to you weeks ago."

Sasuke, looking disheveled and out of it, drew himself up on the bed.

"We're done," Naruto told him. "I get that you think you were makin' some great sacrifice to save my feelings, but in the process, you were really just lookin' out for yourself. You could've told me the truth, but it's always—" He bit his lip. "It's always been about you, right? What you want?"

"Naruto—"

"No. Not this time," Naruto cut him off. "You're not gonna talk your way out of this. We're done. You had your chance. I don't even mean that morning. I would've understood you bein' upset 'cause of your dad, but all that time afterward, you had plenty of opportunity to explain. Do you know how much that hurt? How guilty I felt for pushing you? How I wondered what the fuck I did wrong or could've done differently because I thought confessing hurt you!"

He started to back away, toward the door.

"Naruto, if you'd just—"

Naruto put a hand up. "No. How fucked up is that, Sasuke? That you talked to me like that, treat me like… treat me worse than I've seen you treat people you actually dislike. And… I started to think… maybe I… deserved it? And why? Because I told you I loved you?"

"It… it wasn't like that," Sasuke said quietly, his voice quivering. "All this time, I told you I felt the same as you did. I wanted you. I knew I loved you, even from the beginning."

"Sorry, but I don't think loving someone means makin' them feel like shit about themselves. Pretty sure it's supposed to be the opposite, and when you do fuck up, you apologize. You don't turn it around on them. Don't make them feel at fault just 'cause you're a coward. Did you think tellin' me now would suddenly make all the difference, or is this just a ploy so I won't date Rin?"

"It's not a ploy," Sasuke shot back angrily, getting off the bed and coming over to him again. "Stop saying things like that. I know how I feel. I know that I—"

"Don't." Naruto, crying now, put his hands up. "Don't come near me."

"You're being unreasonable—"

"Am I?" Naruto asked. "Good, then maybe I am unreasonable, but I'm not gonna let you tell me things like you… slept with the DJ because you were insecure and jealous, that you lied to me about how you felt because you had my best interest at heart. That, to me, is unreasonable. Do I get it? Do I understand why you did it? I do. I really, truly do, and I apologize for pushing you. I know I fucked up when I asked Yahiko to kiss me, but I just—"

Sasuke reached for him, and Naruto smacked his hand away.

"No."

"So we're done then?" Sasuke asked, eyes narrowed at him as if this was all his doing, as if he hadn't tried his hardest to make this work. "Even as friends. You won't forgive me?"

"Why should I?" Naruto yelled. "So that you can feel better about yourself?"

"No, because I—" Sasuke, visibly frustrated, ran a hand through his hair. "You know I'm not good at this stuff. Talking about my feelings, if you'd just—"

"So now because you don't know how to talk about your feelings, that's my fault, too? Do you think it was easy for me to confess to you?"

"Now you're just putting words in my mouth."

"I don't need to do anything with your words," Naruto said scathingly. "I can just look at your actions. I'm goin' to bed. I want you to get out in the morning, and I hope you'll stop pullin' shit like this. I mean, really? Getting drunk and passing out in a tub 'cause you thought I kissed Rin, which, by the way, I never did. We were outside talkin' about you. Rin wouldn't do that to you, and neither would I. But all you ever do, despite everything we've been through, is assume the worst. That I won't understand your situation, that I can't handle the truth: that you love me, but you don't want to date me, and that by pushin' me away, you think that solves everything!"

He was out of breath, on the verge of a panic attack. The kind he used to get after his mom died. Blood was rushing to his head. Naruto held a hand over his chest.

"Are you okay?" Sasuke reached out for him again.

Naruto flinched. "Don't touch me."

His back hit the edge of the door, and he struggled to find the doorknob.

"You're having an attack?" Sasuke asked.

Naruto opened his mouth to speak, but struggled to bring in air. He shook his head, the panic reaching its climax. He finally found the knob and turned it, escaping from the room. Naruto ran down the hall and into his dad's bedroom, nearly tripping over a pair of shoes. He yanked back the covers and slid underneath them. He pulled them all the way past his eyes until darkness enfolded him. His thoughts were racing, blood pounding so hard it made his temples throb. What was this feeling? Why was he panicking? Why couldn't he control his emotions? Was he supposed to be pleased Sasuke had loved him all along? Because… he felt devastated, broken-hearted, betrayed. He felt stupid for having loved someone so hard, someone that could so easily hurt him. For several minutes, all he could hear was the sound of his rapid breathing. His body was too heavy to move. He'd almost forgotten Gaara was here, but refused to wake him.

Eventually this would pass, so until then he could lie here like he used to a year ago. When the attacks came after his mother died, he used to crawl into his parents' bed and wait for them to pass. It made him remember the first weekend he'd spent at Sasuke's. The Sasuke he'd fallen in love with had taken care of him that night, rubbed his head, and soothed him. How was that possibly the same person? Thinking about Sasuke only made the pain grow. This wasn't right. It was like Gaara said: Someone could be important to you, and also bad for you. Was Sasuke that person? Was his life better because they'd been friends? For a while, he'd thought so. Before romantic feelings fucked everything up. Now he didn't even have his best friend to go to anymore. Sure, he had Gaara, but Sasuke was… unlike anyone he'd ever met. They understood each other in ways that made Naruto realize what he felt was more than friendship. It was some dumb soulmate-level thing he'd never believed in before. But maybe people could be soulmates in this life without it working out romantically in the end. That possibility terrified him, set him off all over again, and made his tears come faster. He loved Sasuke, but Sasuke had broken him. Naruto hated the way he was behaving now. He hated how he'd been acting out this past month and couldn't entirely blame it on the anniversary of his mom's death. The bedroom door suddenly creaking open startled Naruto out of his thoughts.

He pulled the blanket down from over his eyes.

Walking into the room, Sasuke shut the door behind him. He came toward the bed, and just as Naruto was mustering the last of his strength to tell him to fuck off—

Sasuke, very abruptly, got down on his knees and held onto the edge of the bed. Naruto stared at him, wondering what he was up to when, before his very eyes, Sasuke was down on all fours with his head lowered to the floor. It was a position Naruto'd only seen in an old Kurosawa film he'd once watched with Itachi. Bowing his head, he prostrated himself before Naruto. It was so startling and surreal, Naruto didn't know what to say except:

"What are you doing?"

"I'm sorry," said Sasuke. "Everything you just said was entirely right."

Though it caused a sharp pain in his chest, Naruto lifted himself up. "Why are you doin' this all of a sudden? Why have you changed your mind? I don't understand."

Sasuke kept his head bowed. "I… became scared and angry that morning. I was angry Itachi and Yahiko disregarded my feelings. I got scared because my father was sick, and I… blamed you, too. I thought if my father was going to die from stress, the last thing he needed to hear was that his gay son had been fucking around with his best friend right under his nose this whole time. But, as time went on, I… knew I didn't deserve you, and yes I thought I knew what was best for you. I thought… if I pushed you away, it'd make it easier that we couldn't date."

Naruto, holding onto his chest, looked down at him. He'd never, in all of his time of knowing him, seen Sasuke beg for anything. This… it had to be a dream. This would never happen. Not in a million years. It was the only possible explanation. But, when he gave his arm a pinch, he was still here in his dad's bed, and Sasuke was still on hands and knees on the floor.

"What… what is it you want then?" He asked.

"I want..." Sasuke kept his head low to the floor. "I want you to understand."

"Understand?"

"And…"

Sasuke lifted his head and looked up at him. The moonlight coming through the blinds caught the tears on his cheeks and made them look silver.

"I want you to forgive me," Sasuke told him. "Please. I know I hurt you, Naruto. ...I know you don't want to have anything to do with me anymore, and I understand that, but I… please accept that I felt the same. Please at least accept that, even if you hate me now."

"I don't hate you," Naruto said. "You just… hurt me, Sasuke. You hurt me."

"I know I did." Sasuke slid onto his knees. "I know I did."

"I couldn't be with someone who treats me like shit."

"I know you can't. You shouldn't. It's why I pushed you away."

"But you took that choice away from me. You were selfish."

"I… can't argue with that," Sasuke mumbled. "I've been selfish. I know Rin likes you. I know she could make you happy, but I couldn't—" He stopped, looking so pained as he stared at Naruto. "I couldn't get myself to let you go, even knowing it was best for you."

"So you got drunk and embarrassed all of us and yourself by passin' out in the bathtub?"

"It's not as if it was a well thought out plan."

"I don't…" Naruto rubbed his face, feeling itchy. "I don't know what to say. Where do we—"

"Start by forgiving me." Sasuke pressed his forehead on the edge of the bed. "Please," he pleaded. "I didn't mean for it to come to this. I thought… I thought you'd come to me the next day, and it would work out like all the other times we fought."

"So, even though you're the one who treated me like shit, you expected me to come to you and smooth it out?" Naruto felt his anger and bitterness growing again.

"Yes."

"Wow." Naruto made a choking sound that was meant to be a laugh. "At least you admit it."

"Because it's the truth."

He nodded. "Yeah, well. Too little, too late."

"I know this. I didn't… I didn't realize how much I hurt you. I refused to see it, though it was in front of my eyes. The way you acted out… I just… I didn't know how to fix it."

"You're a human, aren't you?" Naruto spat. "You apologize, you talk to me. You just—fix it!"

"That might be easy for you," Sasuke said. "But for some of us, it's difficult, Naruto."

"And that's my fault?"

"No, I didn't say it was your fault." Sasuke sighed in frustration. "I'm only trying to explain."

"Great, well. You did, and you apologized, which you should've done a month ago, but yeah. So we can both move on, I'll accept your apology. You're forgiven."

"I'm being sincere here," Sasuke replied. "At least hear me out."

"I see. It's important you be understood, huh? When you never tried to understand me." His anger gave him the energy he needed to sit up and throw his legs over the side of the bed. "It's always about what you want, isn't it? You're so impulsive. Everyone says I'm the impulsive one, but you dismiss people so easily if it suits you, or bring them into your circle if it suits you."

"That's not fair." Sasuke got to his feet. "I love you. Maybe I didn't handle it the best, but what the hell did you want me to do in my situation? Confess back? Ignore my father's health? You're the one who told me you don't believe in fairytale endings. That high school love was ridiculous—"

"Now you're back to turnin' this around on me?" Naruto shouted angrily. "Take some fuckin' responsibility for once in your life instead of always blaming everyone else! Your dad, your brother, me, Yahiko, such and such dude who said your hair looked weird in second grade. You fucked up. Fine, if you don't wanna date, that's cool. It's all you had to say, but you didn't have to lie about your feelings and make me believe—" Naruto clutched his chest. "That you didn't love me. That I wasn't important to you anymore. That I was… I was trash to you."

"You're not trash," said Sasuke. "You were never trash to me. You were something precious, and yes, I took you for granted, but never in my life have I felt this way, and I don't expect anyone in my life to ever understand me the way you do, or make me feel so—"

His heart was racing again as Sasuke paused, took in a deep breath, and looked straight into his eyes.

"So alive," Sasuke finished. "Never made me feel like I have such purpose."

Naruto's mouth fell open and, seconds later, Sasuke was cupping his face with both hands. He stared intently and, rushing forward, kissed Naruto so hard he felt his soul shudder. Sasuke fell on top of him, holding him fast to his body and kissing his lips, biting them, prying them open with his tongue. So lost in his own passion and yearning, Naruto clung to him, wrapped his legs around his waist, and kissed him like it had been lifetimes since they'd seen each other. The sadness in his heart didn't go away, but a need inside him continued to burn.

They were quick to remove their clothes, bodies coming together again, limbs tangled. While they moved together, pressed so tight, Naruto felt elation. It was something on a spiritual level. He knew he was crying, and he knew Sasuke was, too. He wept into Naruto's neck at the same time as their lower halves rubbed together, a quick finish looming. As fulfilling as it was, it was equally empty and foreboding to him, and in the back of his mind, he knew this was the last time, which is why he tried to ride it out as long as possible. Sasuke's hands moved over his body possessively, and the kisses he pressed to Naruto's skin were searing. There was a moment he felt his heart might burst, but that would be okay. When Sasuke slid down and took him into his mouth, it wasn't long before Naruto came, shuddering and shaking. He could barely feel anything at all anymore as Sasuke rubbed off against his thigh, buried his face in Naruto's neck, and cried into softly next to his ear. He asked for Naruto's forgiveness over and over until he had no choice but to wrap his arms around the other boy. His first love. Sasuke Uchiha.

For some reason, the timing had been off, and it was so sad and strange to him that two people could love each other, could understand each other, but because of certain circumstances… couldn't be together. Naruto thought he was the type of person who would fight for love and for the person he loved, but he couldn't force Sasuke to be with him, and Sasuke couldn't ask him to be something he wasn't. Couldn't ask him to do this in secret, and though Naruto would have waited, he also knew that it would only cause a bitterness and resentment to grow between them. Naruto knew he loved Sasuke enough that, if asked, he would try to let him go. After all, loving someone didn't mean pressuring them to do something they weren't ready to do. If loving Sasuke and being with him would only cause them both pain, what was the point?

That, in his opinion, wasn't love.

"I'm so sorry," Sasuke said again, clinging and shaking against Naruto's body. "S-sorry."

Naruto, unable to hold back his tears either, squeezed and held him tighter. It broke his heart to hear Sasuke cry, to know how truly sorry he felt. Not just for the things he'd said or for the way he'd treated Naruto, but because… they both felt so much, and nothing could come of it. It was a loss. A blow. A devastating hole erupting in his gut and consuming everything around him. It wasn't likely that, after this, things could ever go back to the way they'd been. But, until morning, he would do all he could so that they both might get some closure. However painful this journey had been up until now—or as happy as he'd been—this relationship was one he'd remember forever. He knew Sasuke was someone who'd touched him deeply, opened his eyes to seeing things from other perspectives, and had taught him… that love didn't have to be anything like a fairytale. It could be as cruel and cold as it was warm and uplifting.

Naruto threaded his fingers through Sasuke's hair, lips pressed to the side of his head. "I love you, Sasuke. You'll always be important to me. Maybe more than you'll ever know."

Sasuke remained quiet, but his breathing indicated he was still awake. Naruto, himself, felt like his brain was going a mile a minute, and, yet, he also felt content.

After several minutes, Sasuke replied. "Don't say it like that. No one knows the future."

"Are you suggesting I wait?" Naruto asked gently, rubbing Sasuke's head.

"No. Please don't. If you do," Lifting up, Sasuke looked at him. "I'll throw myself off a cliff."

"So dramatic. We don't even have any cliffs nearby. Uh, besides the mountains or whatever."

"Shut up, idiot." Sasuke, for the first time in over a month (at least as far as Naruto knew), smiled. But, then his expression turned sober, and he reached for a piece of Naruto's hair. With an expression so tender, he tucked it behind Naruto's ear and smiled wider.

"What was that for?" Naruto asked, the familiarity of the gesture making him sad again.

"It just felt like something I should do." He tilted his head. "Why are you crying?"

Naruto rubbed at his cheek. "I'm not crying."

"You are." Sasuke peered closer. "Don't cry. I don't want to make you cry anymore."

Naruto let out a sad laugh, wiping at his left eye. "Don't make promises you can't keep."

Sasuke didn't try to argue, only looked at him and nodded.

"Thank you," he said to Naruto.

"For what?"

"Just… for loving me. Thank you."

Unable to take it anymore, Naruto covered his face in both hands and let out a long sob. He cried so long and so hard that he hardly noticed when Sasuke rolled him over and held him, rocking him and humming in his ear. It was a beautiful sound to him. One he wanted to go on forever, so soothing and gentle, such a juxtaposition to the utter and complete grief and chaos he was currently feeling. It was a loss he hadn't experienced since his mom died. Sasuke was here, with him still, and yet it felt like he'd lost something so important and meaningful.

He felt like he'd failed somehow. To keep some kind of promise. To himself mostly. That he would fight to the death for the things, for the people he loved the most.

But this wasn't something he could fight against, and it was hard to accept.

"Don't cry, idiot," Sasuke said into his ear. "You're so ugly when you cry."

"Shut up, Sasuke. I'm cryin' because of your dumb ass. I'm grieving."

"I know."

And Naruto cried some more. Until there was nothing left to cry. But Sasuke never stopped holding him or humming, and, for that, Naruto would always be tremendously… grateful.

If Sasuke could express how he felt in this moment—in the early morning hours, with Naruto's arm slung about his waist and head on his shoulder—it would not be joy, but a devastating emptiness. In his mind, he saw this as the end, and yet all of the moments with Naruto he'd held precious over the past 10 months were running through his mind like a memoriam. His brain kept telling him: This is the last time. The last time you'll hold him like this. The last time he's in your arms and not the arms of another. How did they get here exactly?

Sasuke's choice, his doing.

It would be impossible to say he'd accepted it. In fact, he was far from accepting it, but that was something future him would have to deal with. This morning, as Naruto lay sleeping, he could hold the boy he loved in his arms. He'd been able to confess last night. Too little, too late, but he'd done it. If only he'd done it a month ago and also had the courage—like Naruto did—to jump full-throttle into a relationship. Naruto's impulsiveness, however charming, meant that he either didn't care about or just never bothered to consider potential problems that may arise from a relationship between two of them. Whereas Sasuke could only think about how he'd disappoint and hurt Naruto at some point down the road. Again.

As long as he remained this insecure, as long as he couldn't come out to his father, then he couldn't be a good partner for Naruto. Maybe it was silly to be thinking about long-term anyway, but… the one thing he was certain of was that he didn't want to hurt Naruto anymore, nor did he want to keep him from finding happiness. If that meant, months from now, Naruto would date Rin, or whomever, then he would have to accept that when the time came. He could do that, and, this time, he wouldn't hold on to any of the bitterness. Sasuke's gaze ventured toward the window, the early morning light creeping in like an unwanted guest.

He felt anxious about tomorrow and the next day. After Naruto had fallen asleep, he had lay awake for at least another hour, just thinking about their situation. He'd tried to find a way around it, but it appeared that giving Naruto up was the only choice he had left. Naruto's words from last night kept playing over and over like a broken record. He'd caused him so much pain up until now, and Naruto was right. It didn't make much sense to say he loved him and, in the same breath, could unleash a volley of cruel words that only served to push him away. He felt shame and guilt, but he allowed himself to feel the loss, too.

Glancing at the digital clock on Minato's nightstand (poor man probably had no idea what his bed was used for this morning), he saw that it was 8:30. Did Naruto still want him to go? He didn't presume that after what just happened it meant he should stay. Thinking it might be better if he left without saying goodbye, Sasuke attempted to detangle himself from Naruto's arms. The blond, usually a deep sleeper, groaned and clung tighter.

"You're hopeless," he mumbled and, looking down, fingered Naruto's bangs to the side.

It was cheesy to admit how simply gazing at Naruto's face made his heart swell. Too bad he wasn't as much of a songwriter as he was a musician. But there were already enough love songs out there, or, in this case, songs about being broken hearted. For a second time, he attempted to move Naruto off of him so that he could get dressed and go. This time, however, Naruto awoke and blinked up at him in what appeared to him to be perfect clarity.

"You're going?" He asked.

Sasuke nodded.

"Stay," said Naruto. "Not a long time. Just a little while."

"Do you…" He pressed his lips together. "Think that's a good idea?"

"No." Naruto shifted, sitting up in bed, the sheets pooling low in his lap. "But, I don't care. I just… a little longer. I won't force you, though."

"I can," he replied. "If you want."

"I've gotta take a piss, though."

Naruto crawled over him with absolutely zero finesse and, once out of the cover of the sheets, flashed Sasuke his bare ass and back of his balls while he bent over and snatched up his pajama pants. He tossed Sasuke his, too.

"Want anything from the kitchen?" Naruto asked, turning to face him once he was dressed.

"I'm fine," he said. "No, wait. A water would be good. Throat is scratchy."

"Well, we wouldn't want that voice of yours to get damaged." Naruto smiled, but Sasuke knew it was pained and forced, and he hated it.

"Naruto?"

Naruto was almost to the bedroom door when he stopped. "Yeah?"

Why was it on the tip of his tongue? Those three words. What would be the point in saying them? Now, of all times. It would only hurt Naruto more, or… did he want to hear it?

"Spit it out," said Naruto. "You look constipated."

Sasuke scowled. "Nevermind, idiot. You ruined the moment."

Naruto shrugged. "Whatever, asshole."

He left, and, just like that, they were acting as if nothing happened.

Still, Sasuke wanted to get dressed, so while Naruto was in the bathroom, he put on his clothes and went to retrieve his guitar from Minato's closet. He left it on the foot of the bed. While he sat there, he wondered if Yagura and Sai had spent the night together. As morbid as it was, he hoped so. If only so he could hold this over the singer's head until the end of time. Rin, too. He needed to apologize to her for embarrassing himself at her party. It was so beneath him, so utterly unprofessional to pull that kind of behavior. It wasn't like him, and he intended to bury it in his subconscious and pretend it never happened. Denial had always been a specialty of his.

Ten minutes later, Naruto returned and, in place of water, he'd brought Sasuke a cup of tea.

"Thank you," he said sincerely, and Naruto nodded.

The blond crawled back onto the bed and sat cross-legged, watching him.

"Do you… want to talk about what happens from now on?" He asked.

"I think we both know, don't we?" Sasuke held the mug in his hands, smelling the chamomile.

"I guess." Naruto started picking at one of his fingernails, but Sasuke reached over and swatted him. "Sorry. Habit." The teen glanced at the guitar, then at Sasuke again. "You sounded really good last night. I cried again, and I had to go outside afterward."

"Oh?" Funny, because all he'd done afterward was get drunk.

"Yagura came after me." Naruto pulled a face. "But... he said good things. I don't like him, but in his own twisted way, he's clearly been tryin' to help the both of us. Same with Gaara."

"You two," Sasuke tried to quell his irrational jealousy regarding this truth, "Seem close."

"We are," said Naruto. "It's 'cause he's seen me when I was at my worst. I guess you always bond with those people, don't you?"

"Yes. You do." And the pointed way Sasuke said it, Naruto raised an eyebrow.

"Mah, Sasuke. If last night is the worst you have to offer, all I have to say is… welcome to bein' a teenager. Finally. I was startin' to wonder if you were secretly an old man."

"I wonder what that says about you then," Sasuke replied, trying not to take offense. "I'm not an old man just because I think some things are foolish no matter what age you are."

"Yep, you definitely sound like an old man. You know, I had a dream about you in Chicago… and you were older. Not, like, old old, but you were… dunno. Mid-twenties?"

"Funny… I had a dream about an older you, too. We met in a bar. It was… disturbingly real."

Naruto suddenly seemed more interested. "Was it a, y'know, sex dream?"

"What?" Sasuke nearly spat out his tea. "No."

When Naruto's face turned red, he became vaguely curious.

"Yours was? You had sex with another me?" He asked.

Wait, why was he jealous of some dream version of himself. He shook his head. That's what lack of sleep could do to a person.

"I didn't… say that," Naruto answered meekly.

"You don't have to." Sasuke stared him down. "Cheater."

Naruto scoffed. "We're not together."

"Yes… thanks for reminding me."

He looked down into his tea for a minute, spinning the mug in his hands.

"I will say this"—Sasuke glanced up when Naruto spoke—"Dream you was… amazing, Sasuke, and I did wonder… it's dumb 'cause it's only a dream, but I have a feelin' you could be him in seven or eight years."

"You sound like you have a crush on him," Sasuke responded. "I think I'm jealous."

"Actually, this dream you already had a dream me and kept insisting that… he wasn't dream him-you, but I was the dream!Naruto, and it was really weird 'cause he said that him and his Naruto met when they were older, not in high school, but I knew stuff that he knew and he was weirded out 'cause me!Naruto knew stuff his Naruto didn't know—"

Sasuke reached over and covered his mouth. "Let dream them live their own lives."

Naruto's eyes widened and, underneath Sasuke's palm, a smile began to grow. Sasuke removed his hand and returned the smile with his own small one.

"Wouldn't it be cool, though?" Naruto asked. "If there really were alternative universes out there where you and I have met."

"I think you've told me something similar before."

"I have? Oh. Hm. Well, I still believe it. I… envy them in a way."

"Do you?" He asked, itching at a spot on his knee.

Naruto merely looked at him, and Sasuke knew his every thought. It hurt too deeply, so much so that he couldn't respond. Instead, he absently tugged at the strap of his guitar case.

"I'm thinkin' about… that first weekend I spent with you at your house. And you played for me, that Radical Face song. I thought you were so cool. I already had feelings for you, but when you played and sang, I guess I felt like all of your fangirls and boys do. It seems stupid now, but—"

"I could play for you," Sasuke said, embarrassed by how quickly it came from his lips.

"Heh." Naruto flushed and scratched the back of his neck. "Yeah? I'd like that."

Sasuke, his heart racing for reasons he couldn't discern, slowly unzipped the case and brought out the guitar. "I… don't suppose you need lessons, do you?"

"No," said Naruto. "Just wanna hear you play. That's good enough for me. You'll sing?"

"I'll sing."

Naruto, falling back on the bed, appeared to have some sort of fit. Ignoring him, Sasuke went about setting everything up and making sure the guitar was in tune. He sat on the edge of the bed; Naruto sat against the headboard, watching him. More so than when performing on stage with Rin or even singing last night, Sasuke felt tremendously nervous. Before he began to play, he had to wipe his hands across his jeans, his palms were so sweaty.

"I see you walking through the rain," he sang, glancing down at his fingers on the strings, noticing their stiffness. "And I see the water covering your teardrops on your face. And I know that I broke all your rules. Oh, now you're looking at me, and I'm lookin' at you like a fool."

He looked over at Naruto, who had his bottom lip pressed between his teeth.

"But, you don't know what it feels like to fall in love with you. No, you don't know what it's like when you can't go back. 'Cause I only lose my mind when I ain't got you. And how can I win when I'm always bound to lose? No, when I ain't got you. No, no, no, I ain't got you, no."

Sasuke returned to watching his fingers, then peeked out the window, where the snow was falling against the glass pane. "So come on inside, you'll catch a cold. Oh, darling the storm will pass when you grow old. But you stand next to me with a look in your eyes. And you say goodbye, you say goodbye. And you say goodbye."

"But, you don't know what it's like to lose you." He, raising his eyes slowly, glanced at Naruto again, playing very softly. "'Cause I only lose my mind when I ain't got you. And how can I win when I'm always bound to lose? When I'm always bound to… 'Cause I tried to hold on tight to make you mine, but I lost each time. And I only lose my mind when I ain't got you."

He took in a deep breath before singing in a hoarse voice, his heart pounding in his chest. "But I think it's time to let you go. To let your heart find a home. I need to let you go."

The tears began falling down his cheeks before he could stop himself.

"'Cause I only lose my mind when I ain't got you. And how I can win when I'm always bound to lose? No, I ain't got you. No, no, no, I ain't got you, oh."

When he finished, he was still holding onto the guitar like a lifeline, embarrassed further when Naruto moved across the bed to sit beside him and wiped the tears away with a thumb and forefinger. Carefully, he took the guitar from Sasuke and set it to the side before taking him into his arms. Sasuke, wondering if this was an out of body experience, thought he was watching them from above: Naruto holding him as Sasuke wept into his shoulder. He felt so conscious of the fact he'd made this choice to let Naruto go, to end their relationship before it could ever begin. The weight of it crushed him, made him feel tremendously guilty, and shattered his heart. Despite the hurt he'd put Naruto through, the fact he'd broken Naruto's trust and taken his love and feelings for granted, Naruto Uzumaki continued to hold him. He whispered tender words into his ear, kissed his cheek, and wiped away his tears.

He… didn't deserve this.

So, Sasuke cried, and, in his heart, he hoped as Naruto did that there were alternative universes out there in which they could be together. If it were possible for something to happen between them in the future, he didn't have high hopes, yet he clung to this silly notion nonetheless. Out there somewhere, there were the two of them and they were together… and happy. There really was a version of him that could make Naruto happy, hopefully without ever hurting him. What did it take to get there? He had no idea, but if he knew anything at all it was that, as he was now, he stood in the way of Naruto's happiness, even if saying goodbye hurt Naruto, as well.

When the time came, he gently pushed Naruto away.

"I'm okay," he said, wiping at his eyes. "I should get going, Naruto. I'll… call you this week."

"Going back to friends…" Naruto also had tears in his eyes. "Is just fine with me."

"You don't look fine."

"Well, I'll be fine," Naruto replied stubbornly. "I'm tough."

"I know you are." Sasuke attempted a smile.

"I… want to make a joke or somethin', but…" Naruto wiped another tear away. "I don't think I have it in me."

"You can't always make jokes at times like these. Sometimes you just have to feel it."

"Sounds deep," Naruto said, the slightest twinge of bitterness in his tone. "Should write a song about it."

"I'll… consider it." Sasuke stood up from the bed and grabbed his guitar. "You should go back to sleep. I'll catch the bus and text you when I'm home."

"Okay." Naruto nodded, back to biting his lip.

"Okay then."

"Okay."

"Bye, Naruto."

"Bye, Sasuke."

Sasuke, his heart heavy, had his hand on the knob, ready to turn it when he was abruptly spun around and pinned to the door. Naruto's lips were on his so fast there wasn't time to breathe or even gasp. He clung to Naruto's naked sides, kissing him deeply as his fingers wound through the blond's hair. Naruto made a low noise in his throat as they kissed for several minutes.

Afterward, Naruto's look was intense as he wiped his mouth, staring at him.

"You suck, you know that?"

Sasuke couldn't help but agree. "I know."

"Good. Well as long as you know."

One last time, Sasuke pulled him into a hug and held him, closing his eyes when Naruto's body began to shake in his arms. It was hard to let him go, but he had no choice.

"I need to let you go," Sasuke said in his ear.

Naruto nodded, still shaking in his arms, but then he straightened up and appeared to pull himself together.

"So let me go," he said to Sasuke. "You're sure?"

He bit his lip, his voice cracking as he answered. "No."

Naruto pressed a hand to his cheek. "It's alright."

No, it absolutely wasn't alright. "It's not."

"Maybe it's my chance to go after your brother."

"Ah, there you go. There's the joke finally," Sasuke muttered, trying to turn away, but Naruto took hold of his chin and forced him to look.

"Who said it was a joke?"

Sasuke (gently) slapped his hand away. "You never cease to amaze me."

"Sorry." Naruto drew away from him, scratching his upper arm. "I… don't know how else to deal with this, and I don't think I could cry more if I tried? Though I think I will after you go."

"Understandable."

They stared at one another, the light from the window setting the outline of Naruto's shoulders in a hazy glow. He glanced out the window and saw that the snow was falling hard.

Naruto also turned to look. "You should go before it really starts fallin'."

"That eager to get rid of me?"

Naruto glanced back at him. He appeared as if he wanted to say something, but he must've decided otherwise, and Sasuke couldn't help but feel disappointed. If Naruto had asked him to stay, he might have. But he knew Naruto also understood the gravity of the choice Sasuke was making regarding their relationship… and that Naruto had accepted it. Not necessarily because Naruto agreed with him, but because he would never force someone to do something they didn't want to. He was far stronger than Sasuke, but Sasuke always known that. Even when he didn't want to accept it. He'd admired Naruto from the first day they met in March. He admired him to this day. Sasuke knew what he was losing in giving up Naruto, and… he was still doing it.

He hated himself for it, too. I'm doing you a favor.

But, he wouldn't voice those words because they were unfair to Naruto.

"Thank you," he said. For loving me.

"No problem." Naruto smiled. "You're welcome here any time."

Idiot.

Sasuke smirked and, reaching out, ruffled Naruto's hair.

"You're lucky you're nice to look at," he told him.

"Tch." Naruto smacked his hand away. "Your loss."

His arm fell to his side, and he frowned. "I know, believe me."

"Sorry, i didn't mean—"

"No, it's okay. You're right, and I know exactly what you meant."

"Yeah, well. I'll… walk you to the door."

"You don't have to, I don't want to wake Gaara."

But Naruto pushed him out the door. "He'll pretend he's asleep if we do, but he's generally a heavier sleeper than me. Unless he's sleeping in my bed. He says I kick and roll everywhere."

"Funny," said Sasuke. "You always say that and never do it with me."

For a moment, he was surprised when Naruto grabbed for his hand and led him down the hall, through the living room, and then to the door. Sasuke didn't let let go, even while he put on his boots and coat. Naruto watched silently, waiting until Sasuke stood up again.

"This feels like that first weekend," he whispered. "I didn't want to leave then either."

"But you are," Naruto replied.

"I am."

"Because it's for the best." Naruto squeezed his hand, daring him to say anything.

Clearly, Naruto thought otherwise, but he wasn't going to argue with Sasuke further.

Sasuke, leaning in, cupped the back of Naruto's head and kissed him.

It was exactly how he'd expect a last kiss to feel, and before he really broke down, he opened the door to make his escape. Naruto let go of his hand and held open the door for him.

"Text when you make it home," Naruto said quietly. "Be careful."

"I will."

He had his back to Naruto as he stood in the doorway.

"I'm sorry." Sasuke bit his lip as he turned to look at him one last time. "I love you." He took hold of the doorknob, ready to shut the door behind him as he left. "Goodbye, Naruto."

After Sasuke left, the only thing Naruto felt was numb. For nearly 15 minutes, he'd gone back and forth around the kitchen, opening every cabinet and drawer as if looking for something. There was an emptiness inside his chest. So painful and hard to describe because it was unlike anything he'd felt before. All he could think about was how Sasuke had been by his side for so long, as a best friend and then something so much more. Now everything was different. Over the past month, and despite how much it hurt to have Sasuke treat him so terribly, he'd held on to some hope. Either that things would still work out between them as friends, or maybe he could change Sasuke's mind, or even… that Sasuke felt the same as him.

In the end, Sasuke had felt the same, but Naruto wasn't sure if that was more or less heartbreaking than when he'd thought Sasuke didn't feel the same or didn't want to be his friend anymore. It was a strange, raw feeling, and so similar to the grief he'd felt after losing his mom. Sasuke was still alive, but it really did feel like a piece of him had died today. For a while (he didn't know how long), he remained in the dark, leaning against the counter. A small part of him still wanted to run after Sasuke. Because he felt like he'd failed. If only, he kept saying to himself. If only he'd tried harder, but, in his heart, he knew he'd done all he could.

Sasuke was right. It hurt, but Naruto couldn't argue that if they were to be together—as they both were right now—their relationship would inevitably crumble. He didn't want that.

He didn't want to burden Sasuke either, by waiting on him to come out. It wasn't fair. To either of them, even if Naruto wanted to insist that he'd wait as long as Sasuke needed.

What would happen now, though? Could they be friends after this? They certainly couldn't go back to what they were. It would have to be strictly friendship or nothing at all, and he… did want to be friends with Sasuke. Sasuke was important to him, and he wanted the other boy to remain a part of his life if possible. If Sasuke was okay with it anyway.

Suddenly, the kitchen light flipped on; Gaara stood in the doorway.

"He's gone?"

Naruto nodded. He bit his lip, averting his eyes. "Did I wake you? Sorry."

"It did sound as if you were slamming every cabinet and drawer in here for the past half hour." Hands in the pocket of his pajama pants, Gaara entered the kitchen and leaned against the kitchen island. "Did you get a chance to talk last night?"

"Yes," he managed to get out, playing with the handle of the silverware drawer.

"It didn't go well?"

"Could we not—" Naruto took in a deep breath. "It… he felt the same. But—"

"He can't commit to a relationship," Gaara finished.

"No."

There was a silence between them, to the point Naruto grew incredibly uncomfortable. It was taking all of his willpower to fight back tears.

He rubbed at his eyes. "Do you want breakfast or somethin'? I can make us pancakes… or waffles?"

"Maybe we should go out for breakfast?" Gaara suggested.

"On New Year's Day? Might be busy everywhere." Naruto glanced down at his bare feet on the wood floor, itching the top of his right foot with the toe of his left. "We could try."

"I don't mind," said Gaara. "I think it would be good to go out."

"I'm not gonna go kill myself or anything." Naruto, looking up at him, scowled. "I'm a man. It's… y'know. Just… my heart shattering into a million pieces for a second time. I'll be fine."

Gaara walked toward him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I'm proud of you."

He scoffed. "For what? Not bein' enough, or doin' enough to make Sasuke want to be with me?"

Gaara smirked. "Don't be so dramatic. He wants to be with you. I'm sure he told you so."

"Yeah, well, what does that say that he does feel the same, but can't get his shit together?" Naruto asked bitterly, hands tightening into fists at his sides.

"That he did you a really big favor." Gaara squeezed his shoulder. "He's given you permission to move on. He wants you to be happy, Naruto. It takes a lot to let go of someone you love."

"I know that in my head. But it feels like… somethin' has physically been yanked out of me. I don't… I don't feel like myself anymore. When will that feeling go away?"

Gaara let his arm fall to his side and put space between them. "Give it time. Who knows, maybe in a few years it'll work out for the both of you. Or maybe it never will. I don't know."

"I guess. Are you sure I shouldn't… wait for Sasuke to come out to his parents? Then again," he said. "Sasuke might be 40 by then."

"Then I think you know what you have to do," said Gaara.

Naruto placed his hand over his heart, gripping his shirt. "It's like askin' me to cut my own arm off."

Gaara crossed his arms to his chest. "Well, wouldn't you do that for Sasuke if it meant, for now, he could be happy, too?"

"Now who's the dramatic one?" Naruto asked, a small smile tugging at his lips.

"Just seems like the kind of thing you'd do for a friend."

"Heh." He managed a grin. "What are you tryin' to say? I'm a pretty good friend?"

"Yes, but just to make it clear, I don't want to date you either."

Naruto smacked him upside the head. "Asshole. Too soon."

Gaara offered a small smile. "Should we go out? I'll get dressed."

Naruto nodded. "Yeah. You're right. If I stay in, I'll just wanna mope around. Plus, you're goin' home soon, and there's a few more things I'd like to show ya. You could always move here."

"It's a little too wet for me," Gaara replied. "I prefer somewhere with less rain."

"Tch. Then move to a desert!" Naruto smirked. "Might work out well for you since deserts are pretty isolated, and you hate people. Sure hard to get the sand out of your asscrack, though."

"Not all people," Gaara replied. "I like you, after all. Despite how much trouble you cause."

Naruto's cheeks flushed. "You've gotten soft in your old age, Gaara. You really are like a ginger-haired Yoda. I'm glad you came to visit. I really appreciate how much you put up with me. When we were in the same town, and even now. It means a lot."

Gaara stared at him. "...You're more emotional than I remember. Is this Sasuke's doing?"

"It's possible," he said, wondering himself. "Maybe this is what it's like once you fall in love for the first time? Whatever I felt for your sister," Naruto grinned, "Just doesn't compare to this."

"I'm sure she'll be pleased to know she lost out to a teenage boy."

"Heh. Asshole."

Laughing, Naruto chased after him for a while until he decided he ought to get dressed if they wanted to make it to breakfast in time. He went into his bedroom and quickly pulled on a pair of jeans and a hoodie. While he was attempting to make his bed, he noticed his phone flashing on the desk. There was a message from Rin, but there was also a text from Sasuke.

It occurred to him that it had been a long time since he'd seen that name pop up in his text notifications. He read the message from Sasuke.

I'm home.

Naruto sat down on the edge of his bed, uncertain what to say in reply.

Welcome home, he typed.

It's not as if he expected an immediate reply, so he was about to get up when his phone buzzed again.

When does Gaara leave?

He did wonder why Sasuke was asking, but answered: Tomorrow.

Are you free Wednesday?

I guess. Why?

There was a small pause before Sasuke replied:

I was wondering if you'd like to get a coffee.

Naruto let out a quiet laugh. God Sasuke had such balls, but… Naruto liked that about him.

Yeah, he typed. Coffee sounds good. Starbuck's near my apartment?

Really? Starbuck's? Out of all the coffee places in Seattle?

Hey, we went there that first weekend, and you didn't complain. It's where it all started!

It's not, typed Sasuke. But it's fine. I'll see you on Wednesday. Enjoy your time with Gaara.

Alright. Naruto sent the text and stared at the screen before adding, Thanks.

A few minutes ticked by while Naruto put on his socks and boots. He kicked around a pile of dirty clothes on the floor before finally putting them away in the hamper.

When he grabbed for his phone, he noticed another message.

We can still be friends?

Naruto couldn't even imagine what it took for Sasuke to text something like that. Almost instantly, his eyes turned into a couple of fucking faucets.

Bastard, he typed despite the way his fingers shook. Of course we can be friends!

When no other messages followed, Naruto tucked the phone into his back pocket and went to brush his teeth. After he grabbed his coat from the hall closet, he found Gaara sitting on the couch, watching the news, just like Sasuke would usually do when spending the night.

"I'm ready," Naruto declared, feeling his phone go off in his pocket.

Gaara stood up and turned off the TV while Naruto read the latest text from Sasuke.

"What?" Gaara asked. "Good news?"

He shook his head. "Nah, just… nothin'. Nevermind."

Gaara raised an eyebrow. "Now I'm curious."

"It's just Sasuke bein' a butthole."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Wanted me to know he told his brother I'm up for grabs now."

Gaara stared at him. "You two… have a lot of issues, don't you?"

Naruto nodded. "It seems like it, yeah." He threw an arm around his friend. "But, doesn't that keep life interesting and exciting?"

"If you say so," Gaara replied, looking over at him. "You seem… in a better mood."

"I guess. I don't feel like all my hope was takin' away. At least I know he still wants to be friends."

"You haven't changed your mind about moving on, have you?" Gaara asked as they walked to the door, Naruto opening it for them and making sure to lock it behind.

"Nah. I mean. My feelings haven't changed, it's just that havin' Sasuke as a friend is equally important to me. I won't lose him. Not now. Not ever."

Gaara stared at him so long Naruto became self-conscious.

"What?" He asked.

"Nothing," Gaara replied, walking past him into the hall.

Naruto followed, and they waited for the elevator to reach his floor.

"What are you going to do about Rin?" Gaara asked. "She clearly likes you."

Naruto hummed. "Nothin'... nothin' for right now. It's Sasuke that I—"

The elevator's arrival interrupted him. The doors slid apart, and they walked inside.

"Do you ever think about what we'll be like when we're older?" Naruto asked, leaning against one of the rails as Gaara stood beside him.

"I can't imagine you being much different," Gaara replied. "But if you were, I'd be disappointed."

"Oh man," he said. "That's a lot of pressure, jeez."

"Are you thinking about if it's possible in the future? You and Sasuke?"

Naruto shrugged. "Guess it depends on whether you believe in dreams or not."

"Dreams?" Gaara gave him a sidelong glance.

"Dreams, signs." He crossed his arms. "Guess I won't know 'til I get there."

"You could be waiting a long time. Don't push yourself too hard."

"If I didn't push myself, I wouldn't be me."

Gaara snorted. "There's no one more stubborn than you… except maybe Sasuke."

"Heh. He is pretty stubborn, but look. He did finally come around, didn't he? Maybe he'll come around in the future, too. Even if he doesn't, I'm glad I met Sasuke. I'm glad we're friends, even after goin' through all this stuff. I won't ever meet anyone like him, and I know in the future, he'll be really successful, and one day, he'll come out and be exactly who he's supposed to be."

"We are only 17," Gaara said. "It can't be like this forever."

"No, it can't," Naruto agreed. "But, who knows. I can't deny that… there's a part of me that knows it's possible our paths might take very different turns. I can't try to control it, though."

"No, you can't."

The elevator dinged when they reached the lobby, and they could already see that outside, everything was blanketed in fresh snow. Naruto held open the door for Gaara as they stepped outside into a literal winter wonderland. Underneath their boots, the snow crunched while they headed down the sidewalk together. Lots of people were out and, more than likely, they'd be waiting ages to get a table anywhere. But if he'd learned anything from this past month, it was that he wanted to enjoy all the small moments. With friends, or his dad. After losing his mom, he understood how important it was to cherish the bonds he'd made with people. Because no one ever knew when those bonds would be cut short. And Naruto didn't want to take that precious time for granted. He didn't want to waste it on teenage drama even though it was inevitable so long as he was in high school. Still. There was a lot yet to look forward to until graduation.

Naruto, suddenly stopping, shouted up at the sky. "Yaaaaaaaaaah!"

Gaara gave him a look. "Feel better now?"

"Jesus, yes," he said, shaking out his arms. "What a fuckin' ride, huh? M'exhausted. Heh."

Gaara's expression remained neutral, but his mouth quirked just a little. "If you say so."

Naruto put an arm around him. "What are you stoppin' for, Gaara? Keep movin'. There's so much I wanna show you today! It's gonna be great!"

Gaara gave him a dry look. "...Annoying."

"Heh, you sounded like Sasuke just then—"

Gaara continued walking without him, leaving Naruto behind.

"Just do me a favor, would you?" Gaara asked when he caught up.

"What's that?"

"Try to go at least a few minutes without mentioning Sasuke."

"I'll try," he said. "But no promises."

"Fair enough."

"Alright, let's go! I'm hungry! Starving actually." Naruto rubbed his stomach.

"Then let's go, and by the way," said Gaara. "Happy New Year, Naruto."

Naruto grinned. "Happy New Year, Gaara. Thanks for stayin' by my side all this time."

"No problem."

"Hey, did I ever tell you about the time Sasuke and I—"

Gaara stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and sent him a glare.

"I'm just kidding!" Naruto cackled, giving him a light shove to get him moving again. "Don't worry. I'll go back to buggin' Sasuke as soon as you leave, Gaara."

"Good." Gaara nodded. "So far, he's the only person I've ever met who can put up with you for long periods of time and seems to like your more annoying traits."

"You think so?" He asked, a grin splitting his face.

"It's clearly a match made in heaven," Gaara answered dryly.

"Yeah…" Naruto stuck his tongue out, catching a snowflake. "Sounds about right to me, too."

The End

(of this fic)

Thank you for reading.