Peter's Diary Entries

by BoilingHeart

After a visit from the doctor, Peter is told to write down everything that happens to him in a diary. But something's up. The doctor spoke to Peter's adoptive fathers, Tino and Berwald about something vital to Peter's health, and they aren't telling him about it. Peter knows something's up, but continues to do what he was told, no matter how stalkerish he finds it.

13. July 7

Wednesday, July 7, 2020

2:32 PM

They're letting me go home early! I can't wait! I am in the car with Pa right now on my way home.

But, I have been thinking about this a lot, and I know I shouldn't be thinking about this, but I'm afraid I'm going to die.

I mean, of course I know I'm going to die, I just want to die when I'm old and I've already done everything I wanted to do. I want to die when I'm ready, not anytime soon.

But still, you ever get that feeling that you could just drop dead at any moment, all of your goals left unfinished, so many things left unsaid, and nothing you could do about it? Because that is what I'm feeling.

But as far as I have learned, it's all psychological. If you think you're going to die, you will. If you tell yourself "No, I won't die today, or anytime soon," you won't die. I have learned that your brain possess some sort of cool power, that you could literally will your pain away, and basically heal yourself if you really wanted to. But you have to meditate in order to do that. It's quite hard for me, since I am easily distracted, but the moment I can meditate for more than five minutes is the moment I can cure myself.

I can do this. I can save myself. I know I can. Optimism will literally save my life.

3:46 PM

I told Uncle Al my idea about healing myself, and he said it was silly, and that there was no way I could do that. I have never gotten mad at Al before until now. So, I asked him, "How much do you know about the human brain that you can so easily say it's not impossible?". Now he's on the computer researching to try to prove me wrong. I feel a little smug. Is that too bad? I hope not.

4:13 PM

Hah! I was right.

5:17 PM

I have a headache. My eyes hurt, and I feel weak.

I swear, if I die today, I'm gonna be so mad I'll have to haunt someone as a ghost just to rid of my anger.

But, I am thinking about so many things. Like, what I want to do before I die.

Ugh! Why am I thinking this way?! I can't do this to myself! No way, I refuse to give in so easily!

Death, if you want me, if you want my soul, you'll have to fight me for it! I won't let you win so easily! I may be a child, but I'll put up a fight so big you'll cry on the way home!

Pfft. I won't die. I'll be fine.

7:45 PM

Aaaand, just like that, I'm back in the hospital. Well, I have to learn this brain stuff and meditation thingies if I really want to save myself now. I'll be going to sleep now. I need my rest.